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Reviews for Jealous love(WIP)

By : larien04
  • From AspenLeFay on February 18, 2008
    Continue!!!
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  • From ANON - Danielle on May 15, 2005
    write more . there something about this story and i don't know how many time i read it. so write more
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  • From ANON - PegasusDragon on April 30, 2005
    I think that you should continue, but try and get more life into the story.
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  • From ANON - marcia nightengale on July 02, 2004
    By all means, continue. Everyone hasstarstart somewhere and so far it's very sweet. Anyway, you asked a boy/man, your boyfriend. Guys aren't big on romance stories.
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  • From ANON - katy on April 24, 2004
    Well....how about starting over?
    Get a complete story drafted out chapter by chapter and then ask your friends what they think.

    Personally i think the main problem with this story is that you've got Haldir and you've got Elbereth and BANG they're in loveth nth no background or character development, and not much logic.

    WHY does she suddenly decide to fall in love with HIM? And why should the reader care? You've got to make us feel something for the characters.

    i reccomend re-reading your favourite fan fictions and taking a note of what you think makes them so good, then apply that to your own original work.

    (and make your chapters longer!!!)

    Eagerly awaiting your next update/story.

    x
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  • From ANON - moonbunny77 on April 24, 2004
    plot is a gredea,dea, but your writinyle yle could honestly be changed.
    i don't mind being your beta reader if you need one.
    but please do continue! (or give me leave to pick up the threads!) i luv this plot!
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  • From ANON - katy on April 14, 2004
    ok, ok i admit i thought Elbereth was THE Elbereth too but this is your first attempt right? and it's a nice name! Which doesnt get used nearly enough...

    Dont give up on it now...how about padding out those characters a little bit?
    Did i mention i really do love Haldir? I can't wait to see how you mold him and make him yours...

    chop chop! update!!

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  • From ANON - katy on April 14, 2004
    so far so good! its easy to read- nicely laid out.
    i LOVE haldir so you've got at least one undying fan :)
    i faithfully await the next installment.
    (sits impatiently watching the computer monitor)








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  • From ANON - Mimi on April 14, 2004
    I give you credit for trying, but I'm sorry, this is not something I'd rate high. First of all, don't use symbols like "&" to express a word, but take the time to actually write out the word itself. Secondly, DO NOT name your OC Elbereth, or any other canon character's name. There already is an Elbereth, in case you didn't know, and she's one of the Valar. I clicked on this story because I actually thought this was a story about Haldir and the canon Elbereth. (Why not; it's never been done before, but I was curious.)
    This is not a flame. Just something intended to make you think before you write.
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  • From ANON - AzureDragoness on April 14, 2004
    WHY do you torture your readers with such short chapters??? Besides that, tis lovely ^__^
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