Click Here!

  • 1

Reviews for Reborn with a Cold Heart

By : sivan325
  • From ANON - Tenar on April 27, 2005
    I read the first chapter and thought it lame but with potential. The first person point of view is very irritating.

    I read the second chapter offered and hoped for some improvement; this must not be my lucky day.

    This is more like an outline than an actual story. Since you are sticking with the 1st person POV I'd
    recommend fleshing out the chapters with more description. It made no sense that the flowers and picture
    were removed from Legolas' room without a timeframe for how long he had been dead. A few hours? Two days?
    And why would they bother with those two slight changes at all; why wouldn't they have totally redecorated?

    The force of emotion as well as the lack thereof was done perfectly. Legolas' feeling his lover's emotions in
    his heart was a wonderful plot point but could have been even more effective if it were mentioned that he
    could always feel his lover's emotions or that 'I searched for my lover within my heart; something was wrong."

    I see how your story could be so fantastic if only it was developed more. It may be that our preferred
    styles of reading and writing just don't mesh. Your over all plot is terrific, btw. It is wonderful to read
    someone who knows how to use a spellchecker and/or grammarchecker, so many writers do not.

    Remember, free advice and free reviews are worth twice what you paid for them. I.e. nothing.
    Especially if you do not agree with your commentor. Just because a reviewer did not fall head
    over heels in love with your story does not mean its a bad story. I'm going to keep reading just
    to see what, if any, changes you make. You really could take this story someplace wonderful.

    Get your free, unsolicited advice here! Its bonus review day, two comments for the price of one!
    Tenar
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Anon on April 15, 2005
    i don't understand
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Nikkiling on October 24, 2004
    Odd. Dark. Interesting. I like it! Will there be more?
    Report Review

  • From ANON - erobey on October 22, 2004
    wow, an eery story! legolas on a killing rampage! who is he going after in gondor? who is with arwen? please write more!
    cheers,
    erobey
    Report Review

  • 1
T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!