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Reviews for There they were

By : loveforelves
  • From ANON - karen on January 11, 2004
    I would like you to continue this story - I'm enjoying it!!!!!
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  • From ANON - xxx on January 11, 2004
    xxx
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  • From loveforelves on September 19, 2003
    aww thnx, i will, but i already have one, but she doesnt really point them out to me cuz she thinks it would be better for me to learn it myself.
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  • From ANON - Kharessa on September 18, 2003
    Clearly you have an interest in writing and the desire to write. I would never recommend that a person cease to write because his or her work needs improvement; the only way a writer can improve is to continue to write.

    You have an inteing ing set-up, but there are many points that could be expanded upon. Additionally the grammar, sentence structure, and spelling could use quite a bit of . S. Since English is not your first language, I would recommend that you enlist the aide of an English speaking beta.

    A good beta is not someone who merely writes, "Great job, keep up the good work!" A good beta will point out errors, make suggestions, and offer valuable feedback that will help you grow in your writing.

    I'm sure that your interest in writing will carry you far. Keep at it!

    Kharessa


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  • From loveforelves on September 16, 2003
    hi, well ehm ''thanks'' then i guess,

    im only 15 (sssh dont tell) and dutch so yeah my english isnt good but i try hard enough to get a good story, i just started,t ext expect me to be a professional right away, i have to learn as well.

    u will probably later find out, but i dont think so cause my intention was to keep it mysterious, but it isnt really haunted, the creature is playing with their minds as well.
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  • From amandalee on September 16, 2003
    Interesting plot you have there, but your writing is really lacking. First of all, you neo leo learn to use decent English grammar and punctuation, and secondly, your writing style is not very good. You need to focus more on details and not jump from one scene/event to another like that. Alright, for instance; you need to explain to us readers what it actually is you're writing about. What was this "haunted" hause? Where is it? How did our people get there? Are they dreaming? (If your story is unfinished, this would probably come out in the last chapter, but s.) W.) Who was the little girl? (I came to think of Samara Morgan from "The Ring".)

    I don't want to be mean or anything, but your story seems like it has been written by a 10-year-old. I'm starting to wonder if you're as young as you seem to be, or simply an inexperienced writer. In anyway, I would seriously think this over before I wrote anything more.

    I'm not saying this to be mean to you. My comment might seem harsh, but I only want to help you become a better writer. You obviously have the will, so all you need is a little help to get in the right track.

    If you'd like my help, you can always drop me a line and I'll see what I can do. I'm not very old (just 18) nor am I a native English speaker, but I have some knowledge about the English language and the basics that makes a story worth reading.

    Good luck to you,

    ~Amanda Lee
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  • From ANON - Slash Goddes on September 15, 2003
    Heyyyyyyyyyyyy ok like i said before.Its a great sick story.Just the way i like it.Whahaha no just kidding.It is very cool.I hope more will read and place there comments.Hopefully good ones this time.

    Namarie.
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