rate_review Reviews

Please consider writing in your native language...

you REALLY REALLY need a beta...i can't emphasize that enough...there's nothing to really tell when people are talking, the story is very choppy and barely any good descriptions at all [tis always better to hint than to just say outright]. is english your first language? i can't tell in this story if it is or not...and that is usually an indicator that you need a good beta.

Very nice story man.
Maybe you can add some more chapters.