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schedule
August 21, 2006 at 12:00 AM
An excellent story. You do need to get rid of many commas. People overuse them in all the wrong ways. A comma should be used to separate, as in a list, or where one would naturally pause in speaking. Your story reads the way William Shatner speaks. Omit a good bit of those commas and your story will be perfect!!!
schedule
December 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
well, that was certainly... interesting... quite melodramatic, but interesting...
schedule
December 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
This was a really great story! Poor Celeborn.