errorYou must be logged in to review this story.
schedule
October 8, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hello, Do you have a sequel?
schedule
November 26, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Cute idea, but the story has numerous grammatical and spelling errors. Plus, your sex scene needs work. Here's one example of a bad passage: "...perform a sexual act on eachother, to thirst our needs..."
eachother should be each other. Thirst our needs? You wouldn't thirst needs. Did you mean "quench our thirst"? People in Middle Earth wouldn't say, "Let's perform a sexual act on each other." And it's boring, too. But Sam might say, "We could pleasure each other, Mr. Frodo, and get a bit to drink, if you get my meaning."
And Sam shot his DNA into Frodo's mouth? DNA? Is this a science report?
Maybe a beta could hep you....like I said, the idea is cute for a one-shot.
eachother should be each other. Thirst our needs? You wouldn't thirst needs. Did you mean "quench our thirst"? People in Middle Earth wouldn't say, "Let's perform a sexual act on each other." And it's boring, too. But Sam might say, "We could pleasure each other, Mr. Frodo, and get a bit to drink, if you get my meaning."
And Sam shot his DNA into Frodo's mouth? DNA? Is this a science report?
Maybe a beta could hep you....like I said, the idea is cute for a one-shot.