Adult-FanFiction.org : Lord of the Rings

So sadie...how awful is this story?	By : PepperDiesel Category: -Multi-Age > General Views: 1694 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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A few disclaimers and ass coverings: This is the property of Frodo�s girl just like LOTR is the property of a bunch of old white guys. I am merely expressing my opinion in a creative way and make no claims as to this work being mine. (as much as I want this gem) What is mine, is the commentary by Orlando, Viggo and Craig�.which is in italics.
Okay, everyone clear on that? Then let�s proceed!

http://fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1350343

Title: So Sadie, where you think we are?
By Frodo�s Girl

Orlando: So, I�m confused. Why am I here if this is about lotr characters?
The almighty god of badfic trashing: Because Legolas doesn�t need to waste his time reading this crap. Sometimes it�s amusing, but this is just wrong.
Orlando: Okay, so are we just going to talk about it as we read?
Almighty�: You and I? No way am I sitting through this shit. I�ll find you a friend.
*Enter half dressed Viggo and Craig*
Craig: Vig, I don�t think we�re in Kansas anymore.
Orlando: Sssh. You�re giving away the complex plot here.
Viggo: Oh god, not another MST!
Orlando: Oh yeah. And you�re not going to try any of that nice, understanding hippie crap. I want you to make this girl cry, Vig!
Craig: Viggo makes me cry plenty, but that�s just when he doesn�t use lube.
Viggo: Yes, and this girl is obviously twelve years old and I don�t feel like going to prison, so shut up.
Orlando: I dunno Vig, we *are* in NZ, I�m sure there�s plenty you can get away with.
Craig: Less talking, more painful reading. We *were* in the middle of something, y�know? I�d like to get back to it!

Disclaimer- The Only Think I Own Is My Characters Which Are Me And My Friend, I Own Me and She Owns Her ok? Ok so no suing cause I don't got any money anyway:p

Craig- Liar. I for one know it costs a pretty penny to go to the school of �Capitalization Of Every Word�.
Viggo- How proud her parents must be. I wonder where she gets her ego from- Mom or Dad?
Orlando- What makes you think she has an ego?
Viggo- Look above. Me And My Friend. It should be the other way around.
Orlando- This is going to take long enough just pointing and laughing at the errors, let alone doing a Freudian analysis.
Viggo- Sorry, just trying to spice thiup. up.
Craig- Like that time you tried to shove the Horn of Gondor up my arse?
Viggo- Ah. Memories. Who would have thought Sean to be so cranky?

A/N- This Is My First Fan Fic and I Am Hoping For At lest 3 reviews (one from Sadie, one from someone else I beg into reading my story, and one from somebody else) The Story Is Gonna Be In My POV, and I'm thinking I'm gonna change our ages in the story, but that will be later.

Orlando- Now *I* can see where she�s coming from. Because after my first fuck, I wanted three reviews too.

Craig- That�s not very optimistic, considering there were six of us guys there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ <center>"I'm Bored" I said as I lay on my friends bed playing with my short blue strains of hair.

Craig- Don�t you guys hate it when *your* blue hair strains?

Orlando: Of course it�s straining. You can�t do much playing with it if it�s short.

Viggo: Damn kids these days. I remember when I was her �changing later on in the story� age I was perfectly content with playing with my short blue hair.

"I'm Hot" Sadie whined

"I wanna go swimming."

"But how we gonna get there?"

Craig- We�ll take the grammar bus!

Orlando- You�re funny Craig. Hey Viggo, I think I may be hot too. Mind if I take Craig for a swim in my tub?

"We'll bus" I didn't really like taking the bus here cause I didn't know the system but I really wanted to go swimming.

"You don't have your swim suit." Sadie pointed out and I started to pout.

"Why did you have to move out to Warmen?" Sadie sighed

"Cause my dad's a poo" I said it causally, after all I'd been saying the same thing for almost the entire summer.

Viggo- Ah see, I think my son�s still at that point where he formally calls me a poo. We�ll have to work on that sometime.

Orlando- Maybe you should hook the two of them up!?!

Viggo- But then Sadie would have to join them too and I think he�s a bit young to be handling three ways, don�t you?

Craig- I�m thinking of the Lijah-gang-bang of 1999 and you were quite the orgy coordinator there Vig. Maybe he�s a chip off the old block.

Viggo- I did handle that pretty well, didn�t I?

Orlando- Everyone got their turn and he couldn�t walk the next day. The event was quite the success.

"Hey! You wanna walk to the park and jump in the pond?!"

"In our clothes."

"Ya why not?" Sometimes Sadie was a little on the serious side but she always came around. She needed me to have fun; I needed her to well, be serious when I need to be serious, but now was not the time to be serious. "Oh come on it'll be fun!"

"Alright!" She said as she rolled her eyes.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I had worn my runners so my feet were baking. I swear it was like 50� out! No clouds, No wind, No mercy.the sun was murder.

Craig- Your writing is murder, our brains are baking!

Orlando- Ah yes. How she makes me miss sunny old tropical England, where every day is a heat wave.
Viggo- Did you pond jump when you were back home?
Orlando- The only thing I jumped was Atti.

"Need.Water.Dying.I'm Melting." I laughed as Sadie pretended to melt onto the sidewalk.

"Come on we almost there" I said as I started walking again only to trip and fall flat on my face "Ah!"

Craig- Ah. The story suddenly gets better�

"Hahahahaha." Sadie starts laughing her head off, I normally would be the first one laughing at my self but I was to busy cursing and muttering.

Viggo- Poor Sadie has a lot on her mind. I mean, here the girl is melting and her friend is amused and then her head is mysteriously being laughed off.

Orlando- Maybe they smoked a few joints before going outside, that would explain a lot.

Craig- Like forgetting second grade grammar rules. *shakes head* I�ll announce myself the official grammazi ozi of this MST.

Viggo- Maybe I should point out things too�.being a poet and all.

"Dam clumynessism"

Viggo- Ugh. Never mind. Some things are beyond saving.
Orlando- What are you talking about? You haven�t heard of the dam made by clumsy beavers? It�s in Iowa.

Sadie still laughing and starting to get on my nerves, as she went to step over me I grabbed her foot "Hey! Ah!" As she falls flat on Her face.

Craig- Girl fight, girl fight, bring out the mud!

"Ha!" I said mockily sticking out my tongue.

Viggo- Because it�s so much better to fakely stick out your tongue.

As I stood up I got a little dizzy and almost fell over again, My eyes widened

"Uh.Sadie, where are we?"

"I'm on the ground you idiot." As she got up she saw what I saw "Whoa!"

"Sadie.I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."

Craig- Sorry about my spoiler earlier, it was a shame of me to ruin this climatic ending.
Viggo- And the moral of the story kids: don�t be a silly lesbian who injures her friends by slamming their faces into concrete, thus sending them both into an alternate universe.

Orlando- If I had a quid for every time that happened to me!

Chapter Two- What the?

Disclaimer: I Don't Own, I Own Me self And That's About It Oh And Sadie Is Mine!!! Muahahahaha yes Sadie I Own You Hahahahaha *evil grin* I Can Make You Do Anything I Want.

Viggo- Perhaps Sadie needs to see the school counselor. There are obviously some self respect issues here if she�s allowing herself to be dominated.

Craig- You like to be dominated.

Orlando- Huum. I wonder if she would lick stuff off her boots�

Viggo- Orlando, 12 year old girls you�re talking about here.
Craig- Anyways, with the boot licking you�re thinking about the �shut up� series.
Viggo- Oh yeah, that�s where I stick my whole arm up Lij�s ass. That�s a great party trick by the way�
Orlando- Another handy�get it, handy?�.tip from �Kinky living with Mr. Mortensen�. Tune in next week to see how to remove unsightly semen stains from your exercise equipment.
Craig- That�s simple. Baking soda andarm arm rag.

Viggo- Guys, story!

A/N- I think I wrote this chapter and the first chapter in math class.I haven't been doing my math work since I started writing this fan fic.that could be why. Ah Oh well my maeacheacher might be scary but it's not like she would hunt me down and kill me.*looks around the room cautiously* no, no.like I mean I'm SURE she has better thing to do.I hope.MOMMY!

Craig- Note to math lady: go out to lunch with her English teacher, maybe she�ll give you an alibi for when you bury her body.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Holy Shit! Where the hell are we!?"

I laughed as Sadie stared at our surroundings.

Viggo- Because going into an alternate universe that makes you swear just reeks of hilarity.
Craig- Staring is not polite. You don�t see the surroundings staring back at her.
Orlando- Who would want to? Her head is probably bleeding from being slammed into the ground.

Craig- That�s the other one.
Orlando- Ooops. I�m so into this I loose logic at times.

We stood in a small clearing of trees, butind ind it looked as if they went on for miles if not forever. It was beautiful. As we stood silently taking it all in, I heard a whisper.

"Did you hear that?" I asked in almost a whisper myself

"Hear what?" Sadie said, suddenly raked out of her daze

"It.It sounds like it's coming from, the trees." Sadie's eyes widened and she gave me a look of fear, curiosity, and caution.

Orlando- Maybe this girl�s related to Dom.
Viggo- I wonder if it�s possible to give that many looks in a single wide eyed glance.
Orlando- How should I know? I just have my �confused with death and destruction� elf gaze.
Craig- And a wonderful job you do!
Orlando- Thank you brother elf!
Viggo- Get a room you blonde bastards.

As she went to say something I put my hand over her mouth, and looked closely at the tree closest to me. I walked slowly closer and leaned my ear close to the bark of the tree. My eyes widened. The tree was talking! I leant in closer in hopes to understand what it was saying, I thought I might be going crazy.

Craig- Obviously you�d look closely at the tree closest to you.
Viggo- Five times! She said closer five times.
Orlando- I read somewhere that when an author has such a dynamic start, it can only get worse. Such a shame.

I put my ear on the bark of the tree. But instead of hearing the whispers I expected I heard the zing of an arrow! I felt the wind of the arrow though of hair. I jumped back and screamed! Sadie screamed!

Craig- **

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So sadie...how awful is this story?