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The Gift	By : mirasaui Category: +Third Age > Slash - Male/Male Views: 9163 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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The Gift
by Mirasaui

Part 10: Matters of the Heart
Glorfindel had gone to speak with Haldir the moment he left Lindir's room. The Marchwarden was relaxing on his bed with a glass of red wine in his hand. Lifting his other, he made a casual wave towards the bottle sitting on a nearby table. "Help yourself, it is quite good."
"One glass, for I have not much time," Glorfindel replied with a smile. He picked up a glass and filled it with the dark red liquid, then crossed the room and plopped down in a large padded chair. Leaning back, he crossed his legs and rested them on a matching, cushioned ottoman. "I have a favour to ask of you, gwador (1).
Haldir raised an eyebrow curiously at the request. "And that is?" he replied, wondering what the Glorfindel wanted.
"I just told Lindir about Tebring. He is understandably upset, and I would rather he not be alone tonight. I have asked Garion to stay with Tambor, and had thought to ask you to stay with Lindir. When I mentioned it, he surprisingly asked me to stay instead." Glorfindel took a sip of wine and then sighed. "I agreed, but I have errands that will take a while to finish. Would you mind talking with him until I return?"
Expecting an affirmative answer, Glorfindel was surprised when Haldir remained quiet. "Haldir, is there a problem?" the Elda asked somewhat concerned. His friend was looking at him with a very serious expression in his hazel eyes.
"Glorfindel, what are your feelings towards Lindir?" Haldir asked, thinking it was about time some things were laid in the open.
The ancient warrior frowned at his friend. "I thought we had straightened that out this afternoon." he replied a bit testily. "Lindir is a qualified guardsman as proved by your demonstration, not that I ever doubted him. But, I already gave my opinion and my apology. Haldir, you were there. What are you intimating?" Setting down his wineglass, Glorfindel stared stonily at Haldir.
Haldir paused for a moment before replying. Moving so that he was sitting up on the bed in a cross-legged position, he fielded his friend's question with another. "I meant, how do you feel about Lindir personally? He is an attractive elf. You two would make a good pair."
Glorfindel let out an exasperated growl. "An i 'aer a in elin, Haldir (2)! Since when did you become a matchmaker? If I remember correctly, you admitted your lust for the minstrel only this morning. As to my feelings, Lindir is a good friend, a fine warrior, and one of the best harpists in Imladris." The Elda took another sip of wine and finished in a gentler tone. "I am not looking for a lover, pen venui (3), if that is what you are implying. I am past that stage in my life."
The Marchwarden laughed, the silvery peals floating merrily on the air. "Glorfindel, for all your ancient wisdom, my friend, you know almost nothing about matters of the heart. Did the Balrog take out your eyes? How can you have lived this long around Lindir and not realized that his every glance, aye, his very breath is directed towards you? Elbereth, the elf is head over heels in love with you. He lives, sleeps, eats, and breathes for you.... Only you, Glorfindel..... And you are totally oblivious of him. He pines for you, gwador (1)." Haldir leaned forward, noticing the flustered look on Glorfindel's face. "You should take more notice. He would be good for you."
"Y-You are daft, Haldir! Glorfindel was so astonished at the Marchwarden's words that he was spluttering. He sat up in his chair. Where do you get these notions? Only this morning Lindir was trembling at your touch, taking bites of food from your fingers. Lindir was the hapless fly and you had him deftly caught in your web. Aye, gwador (1), love was in Lindir's eyes and they were directed at none other than you!"
Haldir raised his eyebrows, the habitual smirk plastered on his sensuous lips. "Oh, but you are wrong, meldir (4)," he said with a wry grin. "Lindir's heart was yours long before he met me. He was trembling in fright of my reputation, which by the way is greatly overrated, and you missed his expression when you so blithely appeared. It was one of great longing - and it was directed at you, but it quickly shifted to embarrassment, for he was ashamed for you to see him so compromised." At this, Haldir became serious. "I know of what I speak, Glorfindel, for I saw with my own eyes the way he looked at you."
A long silence reigned in the air. "I hope you are wrong about that, Haldir," Glorfindel replied sadly. "My heart belongs to no one. The door to that chamber closed long ago. I have loved before. It hurts, and my heart is scarred. Love is for the young, not this ancient soul. When and if the sea finally calls me, I will sail alone. That is, and has always been my destiny."
"It does not have to be that way, mellonen (5). If you would only open your heart again you could find happiness. No one should spend his life alone, even you, my golden friend. Love can heal the hurts you hold inside. Your heart may be scarred, but if you open it to the light, it can be as new." Haldir spoke softly, but emphatically, trying to gauge the mood of his friend, wincing at the pain that showed in the depths of the Elda's eyes.
Obviously, someone had hurt the ancient warrior. Hurt him so badly that he was afraid to love again. There were rumours of a great love affair between the Lord of the Golden Flower and the Lord of the Fountain, but Haldir had never believed the truth of them and Glorfindel, who had been his friend for a long time, never spoke of it. Now, he wondered.
"Who was it?" he asked finally. "Who hurt you so that you close off your heart? Was it Ecthelion? Is it true then what they say?"
Glorfindel looked at his silver-haired friend with a mixture of hurt and anger on his face. "Since when are you so versed in love, Haldir? I do not see a lover at your side. You flit from one bed to the next and leave a string of broken hearts behind you. But you claim no one. You are just like me, gwador (1), although we handle ourselves in a different way. You know why I can not give away my heart. And since you dare to ask, Ecthelion was my friend, just as you are. There was never more between us.
"You ask who ... was my love? They all were. I see their faces every night in my dreams. Nevrast, Gondolin, Dagorlad, many places before that. My friends, my kin ... gone. They are no more, lost. Lost to me, my comrades-in-arms, brave warriors that I marched to their death. They haunt me. I loved, love, them all. They call to me. Each has taken a piece of my heart, Haldir. There is nothing left. I have no love to give, not even to myself."
Such pain and sadness radiated from the great warrior, that Haldir felt it palpably. He knew of what Glorfindel spoke, for there were many nights that Rúmil and Orophin, his brothers, wrapped their arms around him, trying in vain to help him chase away the dark dreams. He thought of the many times he had extolled the virtues of the dead to grieving families. Their eyes would appear in his night dreams too. Glorfindel was right. It had affected his heart and he had lived but one life. Glorfindel's angst must be great.
But there was a difference between Haldir and the warrior that sat with such sorrow in the chair across from him. For Haldir had known the love of another. And it was something he would never regret. If he closed his heart to others, it was only because his heart was not yet free of that love, even though the object of his affection had long passed on. It was that memory which sustained him. And yet, Glorfindel had not even that, he thought sadly. His heart ached for his friend.
"I am sorry, pen venui (3). I too, have troubling dreams. But you are wrong about me. I have known love and it is that love which keeps me going. One day I will be free to love again and I will embrace it with open arms. Open your heart, Glorfindel. Open your heart and feel that which makes life worth living."
Haldir had risen from the bed and now knelt before the golden-haired Vanya, his hazel eyes searching the fair face of the other, entreating his friend to listen to his words. "Give yourself the chance to know happiness. You give so much of yourself to others and you ask for nothing in return. Let someone in, Fin. Let someone in before it is too late."
Glorfindel gazed into the warm brown depths of Haldir's eyes, seeing the compassion and love that the silver-haired elf felt for him and was touched. They had a lot in common, he thought, he arrogant Marchwarden and the great Balrog Slayer. He placed a slender hand on each side of the familiar pudgy cheeks, bent his head down and placed a soft, lingering kiss on Haldir's full lips. "You are worth your weight in gold, my bold warrior," he said softly. "I am glad to call you friend." He raised his head, but kept his hands on the kind face. "When that time comes, Haldir, I want you on the ship at my side. I want us to sail together. Promise me that. Promise me that you will not join the faces in my dreams." Sail with me, gwador (1). When Middle-earth has no more use for the Firstborn, sail with me to Valinor, sail with me to Aman."
"We will sail together, Glorfindel of the Golden Flower. We will sail as great warriors and friends. But I hope when we do, that our loves are at our side. I will keep your promise but you must promise me to open your heart, just once. Let the door open just a little. Someone is there for you. It may not be Lindir, but there is someone who waits to claim you."
"If it were only as easy as you imply, Haldir," Glorfindel thought.
"Aye, Haldir, I will try. Now, I must go. Stay with Lindir for a while, I shall not be long."
"Rest easy, Glorfindel. I will stay as long as I am needed. Give a thought to what I have said. Keep an open mind with Lindir tonight. Sooner or later, no matter your feelings, you two must talk."
"I will not hurt him, Haldir, at least not intentionally. Now, I truly must go. We will speak of this later." And with those words, Glorfindel closed the door and was gone.
Haldir sighed. He had done his best to help Lindir, but it did not look promising. At least he had opened the door. Finishing the last of the wine in his glass, he stood in front of the gilded mirror in his room and gazed at his reflection. "Maybe my friend, it is time you took your own advice. Maybe it is time you opened your heart again."
Squaring his shoulders, he turned away from the mirror, left his room and walked down the hall. Lindir was hurting and he did not want to keep him waiting.

Notes:
1. gwador - brother (lit. sworn brother)
2. An i 'aer a in elin, Haldir! - By the sea and stars, Haldir!
3. pen velui - lovely one
4. meldir - friend
5. mellonen - my friend
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The Gift