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Vaniel, My Heart	By : Sienna Category: -Multi-Age > Het - Male/Female Views: 5710 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Disclaimer: All familiar characters are owned by JRR Tolkien and are used without permission. No monies are being made from this work. Original characters are part of the story and owned by the author.

Vaniel, My Heart
by Sienna Dawn

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Chapter 9 - Onward with Life

One year later.....Imladris.....Fourth Age, Year 64...

The mantle of Autumn was beginning to cover Imladris. Bronze and russet-colered leaves blanketed the forest floor and the winds from the North carried a chill touch. Sunlight was soft in the late afternoons and slow to warm in the early morns. The city was still, silent, but the spirit of the elves still dwelled there.

By now, Elrond had passed to the West, although his sons, Elrohir and Elladan, had not yet departed for Valinor. It was not known if they would go, or if they would choose to stay in the World of Men. Yet, Imladris was not completely deserted, for many were the elves that still lived in the fair city, delaying their passing to the West.

It had been a year since Vaniel's cousins had rescued her from her long captivity at the hands of the Druedain. Although she had applied herself wholeheartedly to the Healers' instructions and therapies, her recovery had been long and arduous.

The long weeks of physical healing had been painful, for she had to re-learn many things her body had forgotten. Riding and swimming, sprinting silently through the woods, climbing trees and manouvering great heights. All of the things she had learned in childhood had to be learned again. Slowly, and by the grace of the Valar, Nienna, did Vaniel regain her strength and endurance, although her mind was slower in healing.

Yet, Vaniel did come to remember many things, at first in pieces and then with greater clarity. Initially, her memories had pained her and many were the nights she had bitterly wept in Haldir's arms, as he had come to be her greatest strength and truest friend. To him alone had she revealed the extent of her suffering and loneliness during her captivity. And it was on one such night that she asked after the fate of her mother, Eryniel.

What Haldir told her brought her such grief, that for many days and nights Vaniel wept in her bed, or when not, silently stared into the distance, so that the Healers thought her mind lost.

For many days Vaniel had lain in her bed, grief and guilt nearly consuming her, her weeping silent for tears had been spent and dried up. Haldir was always by her side, sometimes sitting silently near the bed, at others sitting on the floor, his back to the side of the bed as he told her stories and tidbits of life in Imladris. He talked about anything and everything and in so doing kept Vaniel in the world, for he feared she would fade. Silently, Haldir blamed himself for the situation and held himself responsible for her grief. Although the Healers had assured him she was strong enough to know of her mother's fate, he knew her best and felt he should have known she was not yet ready. And so, for many nights and days Haldir kept a vigil, praying that Vaniel's mind would find its way back....and he knew his constant prattle would be the anchor she would need to pull herself back to the world.

During this time, Haldir came to know the depth of Vaniel's spirit and honored it, respected it and loved it. But this love he kept at a distance, refusing to acknowledge more than a minute aspect of it, for he knew that she was not for him and never could be.

Still, his heart betrayed him everytime he glanced in her direction and often he was unable to quickly mask his sentiments. Thus, some in Imladris came to know that Haldir loved Vaniel, although no one openly discussed this with him.. Many who knew Haldir and called him friend, knew he maintained himself emotionally distant and aloof for private reasons and hoped that his heart would not be bruised yet again. Although all knew Vaniel was not Haldir's blood kin and thus no law or custom stood in their way should they desire to pursue a relationship, they also knew that other issues played a very large role in the drama beginning to unfold. That Vaniel loved Haldir was not in question, although most realized she tried to hide her feelings, most especially from Haldir. But, like him, her eyes and glances betrayed her.

During the time Vaniel had lain ill with the mind fever, Haldir's friends in Imladris counseled him to depart, to take the Road back home for East Lorien, fearing his heart would break yet again. Now that Celeborn had sailed, Haldir's duties as Marchwarden had lessened. Lessened, but not ceased, as some reminded him, and all in Imladris knew he stayed his departure for fear of losing Vaniel. Already dispatches from his brothers warned that Thranduil, to whom Haldir now answered, was beginning to wonder at Haldir's long stay in Elrond's domain. But to all of this Haldir's response was that his duty was bound by an oath to Eryniel and while Vaniel's life tottered between the world and shadow he was prepared to remain by her side. All else, including a King's command, would wait.

But it was Elladan who brought the issue to a peak one day, as he forced Haldir to reach inside himself. Elladan who urged Haldir to ask himself the one question he most dreaded. Ironically, the question came, like a bolt of lightining, as light grey eyes bored into Haldir's face, "Are you in love with her?"

The question had been so surprising that it caused Haldir to hold his breath for a moment as he honestly thought and asked himself. Did he love Vaniel? For sure, came his mind. But his heart remained silent, too stubborn to let down its guard. And so Haldir had not responded to Elladan's burning question, preferring instead to contemplate the issue silently while he kept his lonely vigil by Vaniel's bedside.

Eventually, Vaniel returned to her senses and asked Haldir to take her back to the Ford of Bruinen where she now knew her mother had come and lain down to die. Long did she weep, asking her mother's spirit for forgiveness. Deep was her pain at believing herself to be the cause of her mother's sorrowful passing from the World. Haldir had tried to comfort her on that day, as he had on many other days, but this time Vaniel was inconsolable. And the deep sorrow of her heart was reflected in the pools of her amber eyes from that day hence.

As Vaniel's body recovered, so did her memory. Aided by her companions in Imladris and Haldir's loyal presence, she came to remember many things, and some she shared and others she did not. And so it was that Vaniel remembered she was not related by blood to Haldir, having been raised by Eryniel, but not birthed by her. She longed to ask Haldir about this, but Vaniel had learned early in her recovery that were there topics Haldir would not discuss. And because his visits were becoming like unto life to her, she did not wish to place coldness between them, and remained silent. Yet, she treasured his presence, the time they spent together and silently grieved when he finally told her one day he must depart for East Lorien, where she knew was his home.

One fine afternoon they were discussing an upcoming wedding in Imladris and Vaniel broached the subject most on her mind, "Will you be there?" her voice was soft, her eyes studying his fair face. She saw him take a deep breath and lean back back in the cushioned chair. They were seated in the airy indoor garden that Elrond had so loved.

"Nay," Haldir shook his head slightly, "I cannot." His eyes wandered to the trees beyond the opened windows and then returned to Vaniel's face. He was touched by the sadness he openly saw there, "I have business that calls me to East Lorien."

Leaning forward, Haldir reached for Vaniel's hands as they rested, folded, in her lap. Gently, he took her hands in his own, and noticed her fingers trembled. "But I will come back as soon as I am able." His eyes were earnest and his voice a soft whisper.

Vaniel trembled at his touch, his fingers calloused and strong. Her heart sank and she knew her face showed her sadness but she did not care if he saw or not. "I will miss you." Was all she allowed herself to say. Her heart hurt so much Vaniel was afraid that she would crumble in Haldir's presence. Yet, a soft voice in her mind told her, "He will come back."

Giving Vaniel's fingers a reassuring squeeze, Haldir smiled fondly, "I will miss you as well, Vaniel." His voice unconsciously lingering over her name, caressing it with his musical baritone voice.

Hearing the emotion in his voice and the manner in which Haldir said her name, Vaniel felt an unfamiliar sensation, not unlike a current of energy, course over her body and she lowered her eyes, unwilling to let him see the feelings that surged through her.

And so, several days after this conversation Haldir and Vaniel bade each other goodbye, their words brief, their hearts full and heavy with unspoken feelings and desires, yet neither willing to acknowledge to the other what was so plain to everyone else.

After Haldir's departure, life went on in Imladris, as it had always done, but for Vaniel the days were bleaker, the nights empty and not even the stars could console her. Often she took long walks to the Ford of Bruinen and there sat, in communion with nature and her mother's spirit. And each time she took the path back to Imladris, Vaniel stopped and gazed toward the road that led away from the city, hoping to catch sight of him galloping in the distant woods, his silver hair flying in the wind. But never was he in sight and eventually Vaniel ceased searching, although in her heart she missed him more each day, her need for him growing like a untended flame.

Several weeks after Haldir's departure for East Lorien, Vaniel stood alone in the fine rose gardens outside the Palace, admiring the many-hued flowers and marveling at their endurance, for already Autumn neared and chill winds blew from the mountains. And so it was on this crisp fall day that Vaniel was greeted by Elladan.

"Lady!" Elladan bowed gallanty, "You look well and rested." His gray eyes regarded her kindly.

Vaniel's smile was genuine as she answered the tall elf, "Yes, my Lord. Thanks to your most excellent hospitality."

Elladan had bowed politely and studied Vaniel's features. She seemed sad and withdrawn. And he knew why. A gentle, cold wind blew just then and he turned his face toward the wind that enveloped them.

"Autum comes early this year." Elladan's eyes were vacant, staring into the distance, before he turned back to her. "Come, let us enter to dine." He smiled and gallantly offered to lead Vaniel inside. As Vaniel gracefully accepted, Elladan noticed the star-shaped birthmark on her arm.

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Vaniel, My Heart