Realization

Title: Realization
Fandom: LoTR
Author: Lynsey
Websites and Mailing List: See links under user information
Beta: None
Chapter: 10/?
Word Count: 2270
Pairings: OC (Corchvorn)/Erestor
Rating: NC-17 this chapter
Warnings: Sex
Disclaimer: I do not own LoTR or its characters. I do not make any money from this fiction.
Summary: Sequel to “Tolerance.” Erestor and Corchvorn give each other everything they can.


Erestor turned and disappeared into the bedroom. Corchvorn breathed deeply and shakily. He’d never expected this. He’d never even thought of this moment. He had just assumed that Erestor and he would never share a physical relationship after what had occurred between them.

A flash of Erestor’s face scrunched up in terror and pain made Corchvorn close his eyes and shake his head to be rid of the vision.

After a deep breath, the brown haired boy slowly approached the bedroom door. He stepped inside and his breath was taken away. Erestor sat on the edge of the bed. The shirt rode high on his thighs, showing an indecent amount of flesh. That white shirt made Erestor’s already pale skin seem even lighter, so that he almost looked like a perfect, porcelain China doll. Hesitantly, Erestor scooted back into the middle of the bed with his back against the headboard and held out his hand.

Corchvorn stepped forward and gently took the outstretched arm. He put a knee on the bed and leaned forward. He could feel the tremble in Erestor’s hand, but the light in Erestor’s eyes, if a little lost, was determined.

The older boy’s head lowered, slowly so as not to startle Erestor. He felt the intake of breath through the soft, plump lips of his husband, and Corchvorn kissed Erestor for the first time as a married couple.

Erestor gasped and the breath left him as a frightened whimper. Corchvorn pulled back with a concerned look. “Erestor, we don’t have to…”

Erestor’s eyes opened and he shook his head. “Don’t stop. Please. I want this.”

“I…don’t know that I believe you,” Corchvorn admitted, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“I just want to feel…happy,” Erestor pleaded. The darkling moved to his knees to kneel by his husband. “Please…” In a daring move, Erestor straddled Corchvorn’s lap. The bigger boy shuddered and instinctively grabbed the slender form to steady it.

“Erestor, I don’t think-”

“Just let me keep my shirt on,” Erestor whispered.

That was a very odd request. Corchvorn looked into Erestor’s eyes, confused. “I don’t understand.”

“I just…don’t want to be naked. Not completely.” I don’t want you to see…

“I understand.” Corchvorn let his hands trace lightly over Erestor’s back and sides. “I don’t want to scare you. All I want,” the boy’s voice cracked on a very fierce, consuming emotion, “is for you to be happy.”

Erestor’s eyes filled with sadness. “I know. And…I thank you for that. I want to,” a tear made its way down a pale cheek. “I want to make you happy, too. As much as I can. Since I can’t…” Erestor turned his face down in obvious shame.

“Since…you can’t love me.” It came out as a sob. Corchvorn buried his face in Erestor’s chest. All previous thoughts of physical pleasure were gone in a storm of emotions. Corchvorn was trying so hard to be a good husband. To do what his beloved needed no matter what. Even if it tore him to pieces inside every time that beautiful face turned away, when Erestor was too depressed to leave the bed, for every tear that traced down high cheekbones Corchvorn would do anything and everything for his husband. He whispered bleakly, face still buried in the gauzy white shirt, “You can’t love me.”

Erestor lowered his head so it rested atop Corchvorn’s. “I’m never going to be whole again, ‘Vorn.” The older boy shuddered a little at the nickname. Erestor hadn’t called him that since the incident. “I’m never going to be able to…” he pulled back and hunched down until Corchvorn was forced to look him in the eye. The older boy felt his heart ache at the empty, adrift look in those dark eyes. “I can’t truly be anything, anymore,” Erestor continued. “There’s not enough of me left inside. But…there’s enough remaining that…” he struggled for words, to make sense of what no-one could understand unless they’d lived through it. “I can give you happiness, if nothing else. I think I’ve sorted myself out enough for that.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

Erestor smiled forlornly. “You’ve never wanted to hurt me. I believe you, and…I trust you, with everything I have left I trust you. I hope you can take some comfort in that.”

The brown haired boy nodded and sniffed. He wiped his tears away with his sleeve and then cupped Erestor’s face with both hands. “Can I try to make you happy?”

“Please.” A surrender, a prayer.

They kissed, and this time Erestor didn’t show any fear. He was obviously apprehensive, but so was Corchvorn. There was no way either of them could be calm or collected. There were too many emotions, too many memories, and too many never will be’s for any touch to feel natural or any word to sound normal.

Remembering Erestor’s earlier plea, Corchvorn made careful note to leave the shirt in place. Gently, slowly the older boy lowered Erestor back to the bed. The darkling helped, crawling off Corchvorn’s lap and cooperating as he was moved.

The bigger boy couldn’t help as his breath hitched. The beautiful being underneath him mush surely be some kind of god made flesh. Could the Valar even be so beautiful as his Erestor?

Another kiss, more confident for both of them. Erestor helped Corchvorn in removing belt, tunic and shirt. It was nerve-wracking to put his fingers under the waist band of Corchvorn’s trousers, but he sucked in a fortifying breath and pulled. Naked, Corchvorn lay himself next to Erestor and turned the smaller elf toward him so they were both laying on their sides. Erestor was glad for the position at the moment. It felt less intimdating this way as Corchvorn ran trembling, yet excited hands over his body and face.

The strong play of muscles in the young, brawny elf’s shoulders was rather enticing, Erestor decided as he kissed a trembling bicep. Corchvorn was no where near his full potential, and still had years of growing before he filled out completely, despite his being of majority age. He would soon be an exquisite example of an elven warrior, and Erestor could appreciate that.

Why am I attracted to warriors? They bring me nothing but trouble, Erestor thought darkly, then pushed the thoughts away abruptly. It would do no good to fall into depression at this point. What was done was done. It was time to make one person happy, even if it wasn’t himself.

Not that Corchvorn was making this at all unpleasant. For all is inexperience, Corchvorn was sweet and considerate. With every new kiss and touch he looked to his husband for confirmation he was doing the right thing, and Erestor smiled softly and nodded for each expression of concern and love. He may not be able to love, but he could certainly be grateful for the love sent his way.

When Erestor turned to his back and spread his legs for Corchvorn to lie between them, the bigger boy’s breath caught in an almost sob. The russet haired elf took his place, trembling worse than Erestor.

A rather conspicuous bowl of oil sat on the nightstand next to a tiny, oil lamp whose flame burned brightly in the dark room. Large, calloused fingers used to long days of pulling bows, swinging swords, and reigning horses dipped into the container. The fingers traced down Erestor’s hips and disappeared between his thighs.

Erestor gasped sharply to feel something touch him in that most intimate place. The last time had not been so pleasant, and his mind was reminding him of it. Vividly. His small hand reached out and snatched Corchvorn’s wrist.

Stilling immediately, the bigger elf waited. He watched intently as Erestor licked his lips and opened tightly shut eyes. Those big, dark eyes blinked several times before Erestor said, “Look at me while you do it. Don’t look away. Please?”

Corchvorn nodded, and settled himself even lower over his beloved so he could fill the entire vision of those dark eyes.

“I never want to hurt you again. I love you.”

Erestor lifted his head to gently press his lips against the bigger boy’s. The kiss was gentle and oddly chaste despite their intimate position, and it did wonders to sooth Erestor’s frazzled nerves.

Corchvorn resumed touching Erestor, and the dark elf sighed as he tried to relax. The finger breached his ring slowly and tenderly. The larger elf moaned, unable to comprehend how hot and tight his little husband was. Imagining that warm, snug vice around his cock, Corchvorn shuddered heavily and kissed Erestor’s cheek.

“I can’t wait to be one with you,” the brown haired boy whispered.

Erestor saw the devotion in Corchvorn’s eyes and huffed out a little sob at what might-have-been. This could have been so much more, the relationship between them under the right circumstances. Instead, it was a bloody farce masquerading as a marriage. But…he would do what he could to honor Corchvorn’s incredible dedication.

After a few, gentle thrusts another finger was added. Erestor’s breath hitched, but he steadied himself and kept his gaze locked onto the loving eyes of his husband. After some slow, searching strokes, Corchvorn sighed in relief when Erestor’s eyes fluttered and he moaned quietly. He knew that Erestor would go through with this whether he enjoyed it or not, but Corchvorn would have felt horrible for every second of pleasure that was not shared with his partner.

Continuing to stretch his nervous husband, Corchvorn kissed Erestor again and again in the hope that he could reassure the smaller elf. When Erestor was trembling and hesitantly undulating his hips, Corchvorn pulled his fingers out and settled his hips lower between the vee of Erestor’s thighs.

“Are you ready?” the older boy panted, wanting to make sure he gave Erestor every option to discontinue.

Erestor nodded, hands coming up to grip strong biceps. “Go slow.”

Corchvorn reached down to steady his very eager member and butted the head against Erestor’s entrance. He pressed forward, the fat, leaking head of his member pushing until the fluttering muscles gave way.

Erestor whimpered at the feeling that, not long ago, had heralded the loss of his beloved. He clenched his eyes shut and tensed his entire body in fear.

The twitching member sank all the way in quickly, clearly telegraphing Corchvorn’s inexperience and overwhelming need. “’Vorn,” Erestor cried, scared and quickly reaching the point where he couldn’t handle what was happening.

“Erestor, look at me,” Corchvorn called to his husband, as he cursed himself for his over-eager actions. “I’m so sorry, love. Please, just breath.”

Erestor did so, breathing deeply and slowly. He opened his eyes, tears running out and down into his hair. “I…I-I’m sorry,” he choked out.

“Don’t be sorry,” Corchvorn whispered, touching Erestor’s face lovingly. “I’m not very good at this,” he said shakily. His engorged cock begged him to thrust, but he stayed himself through sheer willpower.

Erestor managed to bring himself down from his near panic, although he still shook terribly as he uncertainly lifted his hips into Corchvorn’s.

The older boy moaned uncontrollably. His hips thrust forward into the roll of Erestor’s ass.

Erestor gasped as the invading cock struck that place inside of him that shot pleasure through his loins. “Oh,” Erestor moaned, back arching. “There. Right there.”

Feeling a little more confident in himself, Corchvorn tried to control the push of his cock so the angle was just right for his husband. He wasn’t perfect, but he managed to hit the sweet spot enough times to make Erestor hitch and whine beneath him.

“That’s it,” Corchvorn murmured. “Tell me what feels good. I want to make you happy, love.”

Erestor’s face scrunched up in reluctant pleasure. “I…I want to be closer,” the darkling said sincerely, reaching up and wrapping his arms around Corchvorn’s neck.

Nodding, the bigger boy settled himself on top of Erestor so that they were chest to chest. His cheek pressed against Erestor’s so he could whisper words of love and devotion into a pointed ear.

As his orgasm built, Erestor couldn’t help but feel a little more whole than he had in a long time. The friction of his very confused, yet eager cock against Corchvorn’s hard abdomen was enough to send him over the edge when combined with the feeling of the slow, gentle thrusts inside of him.

Erestor clutched the bigger elf to him and buried his face in his neck as his orgasm overtook him. He might have screamed or moaned, but he couldn’t hear anything over the pounding of blood in his ears.

Vaguely, he felt Corchvorn stiffen above him and thrust irregularly a few times before heat flooded his body.

It was minutes later before Erestor came back to himself. He was snuggled up to Corchvorn’s side, feeling warm for the first time in months. True sleep came just moments later, with the thought that he’d feel guilty in the morning.

It was too much like being happy to ruin the moment.

*************************

Glorfindel paced down the expansive hallway to his rooms. He tiredly pulled his key from his pocket and opened the door. It was dark inside, and cold. It was always cold, anymore.

With keen eyesight, he made his way to the bedroom and shed his stained, travel-worn clothes. The bed was just as empty as it had always been. There should have been a lithe, beautiful young elf waiting for him when he returned from scouting missions, troll hunting, or long days of training troops.

Instead, he only met with his own loneliness.

TBC…