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Path of Honor-Part II: Far From Home	By : IdrilsSecret Category: +Third Age > Slash - Male/Male Views: 4869 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or any of its characters. I make no money in the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
- 11
Chapter Ten

It should have been more of a victory, but too many lives were lost at the battle of Dol Guldur. I guess you could say we won. We killed a large number of orcs, but those who did not die fled. The dark tower sat empty, though, and that had been our goal. A small number of guards were left behind to make sure the enemy didn’t come back. In the meantime, Lady Galadriel would discuss what would become of that forsaken land. It was far too ruined for anything good to come from it. The land was poisoned. Nothing would ever thrive there. Burn it to the ground, I thought. Leave a pile of ash and rubble in its place, and let nature decide what to do with its remains. That place would never be anything but a symbol of death and lost hope.
I wondered what King Thranduil would do when his troops came home. Would there be a celebration like the one they had after our battle at the river? Could they really find a reason to have a feast when so many would not return home? I also wondered whether we made the right decision or not, to call Mirkwood to our side. If Lothlórien had fought this battle alone, all those Wood elves would be alive. Messel would be with her sister, not lying cold and lifeless in a stone tomb.
We offered a special place just for the fallen Mirkwood warriors, but not a single one would be left in Lothlórien. The bodies would be prepared and wrapped in their death cloths, and they would take them back to Mirkwood. That’s where they belonged, they said, home under the Green Leaves.
I tried everything in my power to not think about Legolas. I didn’t know why he changed his mind, and I didn’t know where he was. If I let myself dwell on it, I became angry with him. He should have been with his people. Maybe not as many would have perished if he had been there to lead them. Maybe he would have been amongst the dead, a little voice reasoned. At least he was alive.
As soon as they were ready and well enough to travel, the Wood elves set out for home. I went to the borders with them, feeling it was the least I could do. Even after everything was said and done, they still respected me, looked to me as a leader and a friend. They told me I would always be welcome in Mirkwood, but somehow, I didn’t think I’d ever go back there. My one reason for returning wasn’t there anymore.
They filed out slowly, singing laments as they went. I’d never seen the Wood elves behave in such a somber mood. They were always bright and full of life. Now they seemed defeated, tired, but anxious to be home. I couldn’t help feel guilty for their sadness. I should have been a better leader. I should have done more to protect them.
Corweth walked alongside a cart that held her sister’s body, as well as other elves. Lothlórien had given them the carts and a horse for each, to help them deliver the fallen back to their homeland. I was proud of my people for their support. For the first time since I could remember, the two elf realms put aside their differences.
Corweth paused as she passed me, her eyes forlorn, tired, and red from crying. There were no tears now. She had mourned the initial shock of losing Messel, but she wouldn’t be at peace until her sister was put to rest in her proper place. Corweth stood before me, unmoving, looking at the ground, like a walking corpse who couldn’t take another step. She wore a dark green cloak, the hood pulled up over her head, the cloak hiding her body beneath it. Two white hands protruded from the folds of material, and took hold of my hands. They were warm, but not by much. I suddenly feared for Corweth. I thought her sister’s death might be too much for her and she would succumb to the grief.
“Captain,” she croaked. I didn’t think she had used her voice since that day on the battlefield. “I know we’ve had our differences, but we both cared deeply for Messel. You were always good to her. I just want you to know that I appreciate your kindness.”
“She was my friend,” I whispered, squeezing Corweth’s hands. “And so are you.”
She looked up at me from the safety of her hood, and my heart was breaking. I hoped to never have to look into eyes of such sorrow again. “You’ll come to Mirkwood again someday?” she asked, taking me by surprise. I didn’t think she would care one way or the other.
I wanted to say yes, just to be polite, but I knew Corweth could see right through me. Instead, I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head. “I … I don’t know. Maybe, but don’t hold your breath,” I said truthfully. I think she appreciated my honesty.
“If you do, I’ll show you Messel’s resting place. I think she would like you to see it.”
“Then I’ll do my best to come back, but it might not be for a very long time,” I confessed.
“I understand.” She feigned a smile and released my hands, turning to catch up to the cart. But she stopped and glanced over her shoulder. “If I hear anything … anything at all, I will send word.”
I knew she was talking about Legolas, and I appreciated the way she told me this without saying his name. I was, after all, back in Lothlórien. That thought saddened me. I missed having the freedom of expression. “Thank you, Corweth.”
* * * * *
There was not much activity at the borders lately. I knew it was because of our recent war against the orcs, but it had been too quiet to be comfortable. Still, I went with my regiment when our time came. Usually, I liked going to the border, but without any threats, it left too much time on my hands, which let my mind wander too far.
I found myself wondering about Legolas regularly. Somehow, I didn’t think he’d run off with another lover, though the thought often reared its ugly head, especially when I laid in my bunk at night. I hated the nighttime worst of all. The mind played tricks in the dark. My emotions were much more stirred when I had time to draw up images, the darkness my canvas. But with the sun came clarity, and I was convinced there was another reason, but what?
Our duty had ended, and I returned with my regiment, back to the comfort of my home. I missed it, and I was glad to finally be able to sleep in my comfortable bed, eat my regular meals, visit with my brothers and talk about all the things we used to discuss. I was ready to fall back into my old routine, no scandal, no interrogations, just the boring side of me enjoying the calm of a soldier’s life.
Orophin was visiting his new lady tonight, and Haldir was off somewhere in secret, probably spending the night with whoever he kept waiting while he was gone. I quickly thought of Beldor, my
‘warm body’ before I’d met Túron, and stopped turning to him for an evening’s comfort. No, I couldn’t imagine it. Too much had happened since those days. The last thing I needed was to fall back on my old ways. Besides, I still held out hope for Legolas. Messel’s last message to me made it clear that what I wanted most might still be achieved. She knew he loved me. There was a reason he admitted this to her. She was a witness, in case I ever had any doubts. So, did this mean he knew he was not returning to Mirkwood, or meeting me on the battlefield? I didn’t know, but I thought that he might be honest and tell me if he thought there was any chance of that not happening.
I lit a fire in the hearth, poured a glass of wine, and sat in my comfortable chair by the fire. Just as I was about to close my eyes and listen to the crackling fire, something caught my eye. It was sitting upon a shelf between my books and a box where I kept small memorabilia. The glow from the fire made it sparkle. I didn’t remember putting anything there, and wondered what it was. I set my glass down on a side table and got up, going to the shelf. I gasped at what I saw. It was my mother’s broach, a mallorn leaf made from green stone, set in silver mithril. I hadn’t seen it in more than a year. As a matter of fact, the last time I saw it was the last night I’d spent with . . .
I reached out to pick it up when I heard a light knock on my door. Startled, I snatched my hand back from the piece of jewelry, as though it was an animal about to bite. The knock came again, this time a little louder, a little more demanding. My mind jumped to conclusions about my visitor, but no, it couldn’t be. My heart beat rapidly, and I forgot about the broach for the moment. The door was suddenly a thousand leagues away, but somehow I managed to reach for the handle and open it. And there stood my past staring back at me.
“Hello, Rúmil,” he smiled cautiously.
I forgot how to speak. I forgot how to breathe. I thought I was seeing a ghost or my mind was playing tricks.
“Túron,” I whispered disbelievingly.
He looked behind him, searching the shadows. “Can … can I come in?”
Everything came flooding back to me. Túron could not be here. If anyone should see him at my door . . . I stepped aside as a gesture of admittance, and he came in. I quickly closed my door. “What are you doing in Lothlórien?”
“I arrived while you were away at the border,” he said. “I, uh, had something important to report … about orcs gathering in Isengard.”
“You went to Isengard?” I questioned. In the letter he’d left me, he said he was going towards Gondor.
Túron shook his head. “Not at first. I was traveling through the Wold, and came across the nephew of the King of Rohan, who told me about the activity there.”
“The Wold? What on earth were you doing there?”
“The road towards Gondor had become too dangerous to navigate, so I went towards Rohan. I came upon a village here and there, and they took me in, in exchange for my wisdom. I came back to Lórien as soon as I found out what was transpiring in Isengard.”
I couldn’t believe Túron was here. I almost didn’t hear what he was saying. My brain was still trying to comprehend it all. I closed my eyes and shook my head in disbelief. “You’ve been gone for a year, no word, not even the smallest note, and suddenly here you are.”
“I couldn’t write to you. You know that. It was too much of a risk.” He took a step closer to me. “But I thought about you every day. Rúmil, I’ve missed you.”
“I … I’ve m-missed you too,” I stammered. “I’m sorry, I’m still trying to comprehend this.”
“It’s alright. I know what a shock it must be to you.”
“That’s putting it mildly.”
He watched my reaction, keeping his distance, unsure of what I might say or do. I wasn’t sure myself. Here I’d just started a new chapter in my life, and now Túron was back. I decided it was better to keep things on a professional level. “So, tell me about Isengard.”
“As I said, the roads were becoming dangerous. I thought it best to head south. It was there that I heard the rumors about Saruman. So, I decided to find out for sure, and traveled to Isengard to see for myself. It was complete devastation, Rúmil. Whole forests had been destroyed. The river had been dammed, and fires burned where water once flowed. The sound of clanking metal never ceased. The orcs were making weapons and armor, helmets with a white hand upon them. Saruman is raising a massive army for war.” As Túron spoke of what he saw, his eyes emptied of everything but fear. He was no longer seeing me or the inside of my home. He was looking past that, back to the scene he had witnessed at Isengard, and he was truly afraid.
“Are they coming to Lothlórien?” I asked, bringing his attention back to me.
He shook his head. “I don’t know where they will go first, but it’s likely they will not stop until every realm is broken and under Saruman’s rule.” As though he couldn’t stand it any longer, Túron rushed towards me and wrapped his arms around me. He buried his face in my neck and whispered. “I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so much.”
By instinct, I held him to me, shushed him, comforted him in my embrace, but something was different. The last time we were like this, I held him as though I never wanted to let him go. Now, I could feel my hesitation, and the need to release him. He must have felt it too, because he let go and stood back from me. “I … I’m sorry. I know it’s been a long time, and we didn’t part under the best circumstances . . .”
“I’m just … I’m shocked to see you. This was … unexpected.”
“I know, and I shouldn’t be here. Haldir warned me not to–”
“Haldir knows you’re here?” I asked.
“Of course. He was present for the council. Soon, everyone will know I’ve returned.” By everyone, I knew he meant Raenor. “But before word spreads, I just needed to see you.” He came towards me again, but my instincts caused me to react before my brain told me to, and I backed away.
“I can’t,” I said softly.
He stopped and didn’t come any closer. The look upon his face was tearing me apart inside, but I couldn’t, not now. “I’m … sorry. It was a mistake to come here.” Túron turned to leave.
“You can’t just show up here after a year and expect everything to go back to the way it was,” I said. He stopped, but he didn’t turn towards me.
“Maybe that’s exactly what I thought, Rúmil.” There was a bitter edge to his words.
“When you left, I mourned. I grieved as though I’d lost you. It took me a long time to find my way back, and I’ve learned some things along the way,” I told him.
“What have you learned … that you don’t love me anymore?” he said, hurt.
“No, Túron, but I’ve discovered what my love for you was all about.” I stepped towards him and grasped his shoulder. He looked at me from the corner of his eye. “When we met, I was swept off my feet. And just as quickly, I was dropped into an abyss of loneliness. It made me question the reality of it all. It was too much, too fast. And now . . .” I turned away, my heart breaking. “You know our situation. You know what happened, and the reason you had to leave. I thought I could handle it, but it almost destroyed me, and I can’t go through that again.” I bowed my head, shaking it slowly back and forth.
“I assumed too much by coming here. The last thing I want to do is to cause you any more pain. I should go,” he said saddened.
“But I–” I shouldn’t do this, I thought, and cut myself short from asking him to stay.
“But you … what?” he asked hopefully, eyes filling with the same.
“I … I … think you are right. You should go,” I said.
He looked me deep in the eyes, searching for something. “You’ve changed.”
And that was when I realized just what had changed. I was more confident than this. As a matter of fact, I’d never been so sure of myself and my feelings. When I learned that Legolas was not coming to Dol Guldur, my heart seized up, the dome was rebuilt and the moth put away in its cage, but it was not because of the dreaded curse. Damn the curse. I was not building walls to keep everyone out. I was merely saving my heart until Legolas came back. Whether he knew he was returning from Rivendell or not, it didn’t matter. He promised me he would be back. He confessed his love for me to Messel, knowing that she would tell me if ever I had any doubts about him. I should never have questioned whether I knew Legolas or not. I did, or I would not have given him my heart.
“Yes. Yes I have changed. I’m not the same elf that you left behind, Túron. I’ve seen more of the world around us. I know who I am now, and I’m much more than a soldier. I have much more to contribute.” With my self-inspiring speech finished, I looked at Túron to find him smiling.
“I’ve always known this about you, Rúmil. I’m glad to see that you’ve finally realized it, too.” His smile faded as he turned from me. “Whoever he is, he must be very special to have gifted you with such confidence.”
He caught me off guard with that last sentence. “Wh-who?”
Túron gave a huff of a laugh. “Whoever it is that holds your heart now. I’ll admit that I am a bit jealous that he accomplished what I wished I could have done.”
“Túron, I–”
“No, don’t explain. I know. I had my chance, but things weren’t meant to be. Duty got in the way,” he said sadly.
What was I to say? I never meant to tell him about Legolas, not unless he asked, but he already guessed it. “I’d never loved anyone before you,” I said, feeling like a fool for saying it.
“But you love him more.”
“It’s a different kind of love,” I tried to explain.
“That’s what I thought we had.”
“Túron, don’t do this, please. I did not set out to find someone. For almost a year, you were all I thought about. But look at us. Look at our situation. How were we ever going to be able to make something work?”
“How will you make this new relationship work, Rúmil? Will you leave the army, abandon Lothlórien? What is different now?” he questioned, bitterness edging his words.
“He does not live here, and we can be together without worry in his home.” I wasn’t sure why I was telling him this, but I needed him to understand. I still had feelings for Túron. I didn’t want to hurt him anymore than he was already hurting.
“And that is the only reason?” he asked.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Túron. I met someone who I could not help but give my heart to. I trust him with it. I know he will not abandon me, even though he . . .” I stopped myself.
“Even though what?” Túron said, eyeing me.
“I’m not going to discuss this with you. The fact is, what we had–”
“No,” he stopped me. “The fact is, he has abandoned you, isn’t it?”
“That is not true. Our plans were altered, that’s all,” I defended.
“Our plans were altered too, but I held out hope for us. Do you remember what we told each other on our last night together? One way or another, we would find a way. You didn’t try very hard. And now this new lover has broken some kind of promise to you, and here I am, finally returned to you. Does that not count for something? I’ve come back to you, Rúmil. I said I would, and here I am. Where is he?” He looked around my talan. “Come out, come out.” Túron’s eyes settled on me once again. “He’s not here, but I am.”
“He will be here. I don’t know when or how long, but he will come. I’m done explaining. I don’t want to have this conversation with you. Túron, I can’t explain how the heart works. I was caught off guard too. And I’ll not make excuses for this change of events. I loved you once, and that was no lie. I still care deeply for you and for your well-being. But I cannot be your lover anymore. Maybe things would have happened some other way if our situation had been different, but it is what it is. We tried, and it was good for a while. I have no regrets. If I have failed you, I am sorry, but I can’t go back.”
He looked at me, sadness and anger in his eyes. “I’m sorry too.” Then he left.
* * * * *
A few weeks went by without much happening. No news came our way. It was quiet, but at least now I knew the reason why. The White Wizard, Saruman was up to no good it seemed, drawing orcs to him, building an army, but where would they strike? Lothlórien decided to stay neutral for the time being, just until we learned more. However, we would be ready at a moment’s notice if we were called into action.
I hadn’t seen Túron around, and I thought that he had left Lothlórien. I felt terrible about our last conversation. He tried to be understanding, but in the end he was hurt. I was hurting too. The last thing I wanted was to lose him again, but maybe this was for the best. It was such an awkward situation to be in. I couldn’t deny that my own emotions had been stirred by seeing Túron again. I was reminded of how good it had been between us, when we would pretend to be friends during the day, and then turn into passionate lovers at night. It was such an exciting time. But when I laid in my bed, alone, at night, it was thoughts and memories of Mirkwood and Legolas that made me feel more alive than I’d ever felt with Túron. Where my heart might have felt a twinge to think about Túron, it leapt and pulsed against my ribs when I thought of Legolas. I missed him tremendously, but I still didn’t know what happened to him. Where was he? Why hadn’t he written or sent a messenger? Had he ever returned to Mirkwood? I just didn’t know anything. Corweth said she would notify me as soon as she heard anything, but nothing came for me, no note, nothing. He must not have returned home.
Although things were tense on the outside of our borders, it was important to still have a daily routine within the city of Caras Galadhon. One of the popular pastimes, lately, was to listen to storytellers read to an audience of eager listeners. There were a few elves who could tell a story very colorfully. It did not matter that we knew the story like the backs of our hands. It was like listening to it for the first time, the way a few of the readers would tell it. I had been to a couple readings with my brothers. It was very entertaining, and it helped to get our minds off of everything, if even for a short while. There was another reading tonight, but Haldir had a meeting and Orophin was going with his lady. He invited me to join them, but I didn’t feel right about it.
And then, I was making my way to my office after a quick meal, when I happened upon Túron. He was walking with another ellon, someone I wasn’t familiar with. Túron hadn’t seen me yet, but I saw him. He was standing with the young ellon, halfway across one of the many connecting bridges. They were looking out across the city, talking and smiling, getting to know each other, I thought. That was a good thing. Túron was moving on. Very good indeed.
The young elf moved his hand, resting it on the middle of Túron’s back. The gesture was very obvious. The youth was interested, but Túron did not respond right away. His gaze continued to focus on the forest. The other looked disappointed, I thought, as he removed his hand. At that point, Túron turned his attention to his guest, and gave him a sweet smile. It seemed genuine enough to convince the ellon, but I knew him better. It was a forced smile, one of a person still harboring feelings for another.
The last thing he needed was to spot me, so I ducked my head and started to turn around and head in the opposite direction. But at the last second, before my eyes could look away, I saw him glance my way.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, maybe,” I heard Túron say to the interested youth, and I knew he was coming in pursuit. His hurried tread verified my assumptions. “Rúmil!” he called out. I couldn’t pretend I hadn’t heard him, so I stopped and turned.
“Hello, Túron. I hope you are well,” I said in a tranquil manner.
“Everything is fine. Are, uh … are you busy at the moment?”
“Just heading back to my office. Why?”
His hand went to the back of his neck as he looked at his feet. “Listen, I’ve had time to think about our conversation the other day, and I feel that I need to apologize for my behavior.”
“Túron, you don’t need–”
“No, no. I need to say this or it will haunt me. I should never have put you on the spot like that. It’s just … I haven’t seen you for a very long time. I was expecting a different outcome and my emotions got the better of me. For that I am truly sorry.”
“It’s alright. I’ve given it some thought also, and I shouldn’t have expected you to understand or accept my choice. It was just such a shock to see you at my door.”
“That was my fault. I should have sent word or something before barging back into your life. In all actuality, I’m glad you’re happy. I’m sad that it’s not me who’s responsible for your joy, and I wish we had a second chance, but that’s just something I must learn to deal with.
“It looks like you’re dealing with it pretty well already,” I said, gesturing towards the ellon he had been speaking with. He was still standing at the other end of the walkway. Túron turned to see him wave and waved back, if not a little unenthusiastically.
“He’s just a friend,” Túron said, and I had already come to that conclusion on my own.
“Seems like he’s interested in more than friendship.”
Túron actually blushed, and I’d forgotten how becoming a tinge of color on his cheeks was. “Yes, I got that notion too. I don’t know,” he said, shaking his head and looking at the ground. “Besides, I don’t know how much longer I will be in Lothlórien.”
“You’re not leaving already, are you?” I asked.
“Well, there’s not much going on here, and I like to stay on the move when I’m not needed.”
“Actually, when I hadn’t seen you over the past few weeks, I assumed you had left already. I’m glad you’re still here and that we got to talk.”
“So am I,” he admitted.
I knew I should have just walked away at this point, but things still felt awkward and unsettled. I really didn’t want that unease hanging between us. “Have you been to one of the readings before? There is one tonight that I thought I would attend. There’s an excellent speaker lined up who makes the story come to life. One of the best I’ve ever had the pleasure hearing. Haldir is busy and Orophin is going with his lady. If you have no other plans . . .” It was just a simple evening of storytelling, I justified. I wasn’t doing anything improper.
“You make it difficult to refuse,” Túron said with a grin. “Alright, I’ll meet you there.”
“I’ll reserve our seats.” I smiled and grasped his shoulder. “Thank you,” I said with sincerity.
Túron seemed happy with my invitation, but as he looked past me, his smile faded. I followed his gaze, and found Raenor watching us from afar. He seemed to be in conversation with some of his friends, but his eyes were glued to us.
“Maybe this is a bad idea,” Túron said. “Perhaps I shouldn’t–”
“Don’t let him influence you.” I kept my eyes trained on my adversary.
“But aren’t you worried about–”
“Raenor will never stop. Greed for power drives him. I cannot look over my shoulder all the time. It is no way to live. But if he wants to spend his time tracking me and trying to find a way to discredit me, then he will never find what he seeks, because I will not give him the chance.” I spoke with confidence and looked straight at Raenor as I did. He looked away, but arrogance curled the corners of his mouth. He’d not find anything on me.
“If you’re sure then,” Túron said uneasily.
“I will see you tonight.” I smiled at Túron and he smiled back. Then we parted ways, but not before I gave Raenor one more hard glare. Just let him try to start something. It would be my joy to make him look like a fool.
Later that evening, Túron met me for the reading. We had a nice time within each other’s company. I was surprised at how easily we fell back into our enjoyable routine. We used to go to all kinds of events together, and since we could only appear as friends back then, there had been no tension. There was now, though, and I thought it might have been the incident with Raenor that made Túron uneasy. Well, I’d not lie and say that I was not a bit fidgety either, but it wasn’t because of my nemesis. Being with Túron stirred up old memories and feelings, but it was nothing I could not handle. As the evening progressed, things eased between us. I couldn’t just ignore him, after all. So, we had been lovers, but we had been friends too. My stay in Mirkwood had taught me not to throw something important to the wayside, no matter what it was. Túron was still important to me. I had loved him once, and I grieved when he was gone. But he was back now, and though I would not revisit certain aspects of our past relationship because of my feelings for Legolas, I would not toss away our friendship either. My heart was safe and secure within the glass dome, and now I knew that only Legolas could remove it.
After the entertainment had ended, Túron and I walked along the pathways heading towards our homes, speaking like friends, making small talk and whatnot. We came to the point where we went off in separate directions, and stopped.
“Thank you for inviting me tonight. She really was an excellent speaker. I felt like I was inside the story,” Túron said with a smile.
“I told you, you wouldn’t be disappointed. I’m glad you came with me. This was fun.”
“It really was.”
I placed my hand over my heart and bowed. “I will see you around the city, I hope.”
“I’m sure you will.” He returned the bow and we went our separate ways.
I didn’t get far when suddenly Raenor popped out onto my path. I couldn’t help feeling that he’d been following Túron and me tonight, and I wouldn’t put it past him to behave so blatantly. “Nice evening for stalking from the shadows,” I said.
“Stirring up old friendships, are you?” he asked condescendingly.
“Actually, yes. Túron is an old friend,” I said arrogantly.
“Who was caught with one of your soldiers … in your office, I might add.”
“Are you really going to bring this up again? Have I not been interrogated enough?”
“Your brother did well to protect you. Sent you off on a campaign and then to Mirkwood. Avoiding the obvious, if you ask me,” Raenor accused.
“I was fulfilling my duty as requested by the March warden. Haldir may be my brother, but he is my commanding officer as far as the army is concerned. I was avoiding nothing.” I stuck my chin into the air pugnaciously. “I will not stand here and explain myself to you.” I walked away.
“You know, I always thought it was Haldir, but I could never find any evidence to support my suspicions. Perhaps I’ve been wrong this whole time,” he called to me, but I ignored his arrogance and kept on my path home.
* * * * *
The next day, I paid a visit to Haldir in his office. It was early enough in the morning that not many were about and we could talk without interruption.
“You’re here awfully early,” he greeted me as I entered through the door, shutting it behind me.
“Thought you might like to know that I had a minor run-in with Raenor last night as I was coming home from the reading, which, by the way, you missed a very entertaining evening.”
“I do regret it. She’s one of my favorite readers. Now, what’s this about Raenor?”
“He’s just up to his old tricks again, making accusations, raising suspicions. Túron and I were simply walking along–”
“Wait,” Haldir interrupted. “You were with Túron?”
“Yes, we went to the reading together, and were engaged in conversation as we were going back to our homes.” My brows creased as I eyes him. “Don’t tell me you have a problem with this also.”
“Rúmil, after everything that happened, don’t you think–”
“I think that Túron and I have made peace and managed to find a way to continue a friendship. That’s all. Nothing more,” I defended.
Haldir breathed deep and let it out slowly. “I don’t say this often, for I find Raenor positively despicable, but I have to agree with him about suspicions being raised.”
“What?” I blurted out, shocked that my brother would side with our adversary.
“What transpired last year was quite the scandal around here, and for you to be seen with Túron, especially after all that happened . . .” He lowered his voice as though someone might overhear him. “And how close you came to being … discovered … well, I would think that you’d want to keep your distance. People talk, Rúmil. Don’t give them fuel to feed their gossiping fire.”
“You, of all people, I would expect to understand this. There is nothing going on between us. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t, not now that I’ve . . .” I stopped before I revealed too much. “The point is, my heart does not belong to Túron anymore.”
“Your feelings for him were quite strong at one time. And now you’re telling me that you are only friends?” Haldir gave me a skeptical eye.
“I told you, I met someone in Mirkwood,” I justified.
“Yes, but I didn’t think it meant that you gave your heart away. You’re in love with this Wood elf, aren’t you?”
“This is not the time or the place to discuss my personal life,” I complained.
Haldir leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. I could tell he wanted to find out more about it, but he could also see that I wasn’t willing to divulge any more information. “The fact remains that your past friendship with Túron raised more than a few eyebrows. To rekindle that friendship now could cause those same people to–”
I slammed my fist down on his desk. This was enough, more than I could handle. “Why should I have to keep rearranging my life to please everyone else? I’m tired of it, Haldir. If they want to talk, let them talk. I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t.”
“As long as you are a soldier in this army, you must,” he commanded, no longer speaking to me as a brother, but rather, as an officer. He lowered his tone and continued. “I don’t know what transpired in Mirkwood, but you have changed, Rúmil.”
“Maybe I am overdue for a change,” I seethed.
“What exactly do you mean by that?” Haldir said with a kind of warning in his tone that said I was treading dangerous waters.
“I’m saying that not all of their traditions in Mirkwood are farfetched.”
“Like the fact that you chose to stay with the Wood elven soldiers instead of coming to the aid of your brother when I called upon you?” There was venom in his tone, and internally I cringed.
“That is not fair. I stayed behind because Messel was injured beyond saving.” That day was still too horribly clear in my mind. Haldir requested the aid of me and my troops, and though I sent most of my men to join his, I couldn’t find the will to leave her side. “I was put in command of the Wood elves, and as their Captain, I chose to stay with a soldier in need.” I paused and turned my head away from my brother, as I felt the heat of tears building behind my eyes. “She was dying, Haldir. What else was I supposed to do?”
The room was silent for the better of a minute. “You’re right and I’m sorry,” he apologized. Silence fell between us once again. I went to the bookshelf and ran my fingers along the spine of one of the books red leather binding, red like the blood spilled that day. I heard Haldir shift in his chair, or perhaps he stood. I couldn’t be sure. “You were close?” he asked silently.
I nodded before I spoke further. “Messel and her sister, Corweth, were the first Wood elves that I came across on my visit. They were my escorts to the palace.”
“Corweth I know. She was usually present for my meetings with the Prince. Messel, I did not know.”
“Corweth and I had our differences, but it was Messel that always made time for me, taught me about Mirkwood. She was a dear friend, and I miss her very much,” I explained quietly. I swallowed and regained my composure, turning to face Haldir. “One day I’ll return to Mirkwood and visit her burial site. I owe her that much.”
Haldir stood and came to my side, handing me a paper with my latest orders. I took it, but he did not release it, and I looked up at him. “Who is he?” he asked with sincere curiosity.
“He is someone very special, someone I trust deeply.” That’s all I would say. I was not ready to reveal his identity.
Haldir nodded and gave a smile. “I can see that you experienced something unique while you were away. It’s changed you, and I’m happy for you. But whatever happened, you cannot enforce the same kind of behavior here in Lothlórien. I wish it could be different, but it is not.”
“No, it’s not,” I said with sadness, and I left Haldir’s office.
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Path of Honor-Part II: Far From Home