Adult-FanFiction.org : Lord of the Rings

The Dance On Water	By : redkiwi Category: +Third Age > Slash - Male/Male Views: 2174 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Tolkien's world (Silmarillion/Lord of the Rings/Hobbit), nor the characters from it. No money is made from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
- 11
Back in Legolas' chambers, after Elrohir's hasty departure, Legolas decided it was time to have a word with Elladan.
"So, tell me, will you Elladan. Why would you hurt someone you love? Is it done so to satisfy only your own needs?" Legolas wasted no time with getting straight to the point. He wasn't sure if Elrohir shared Elladan's feelings, and he wanted to know just how much Elladan cared for Elrohir. He wondered if his game was only just for lust, or if it was love that had caused Elladan to act as he did.
Taken little aback with the directness that came from Legolas, and with his mind still lingering on Glorfindel, Elladan paused in his reply. "Legolas, you know it's not to hurt him!"
Elladan, for the first time to Legolas, seemed stripped of his usual sarcasm and biting whim. He looked pained, vulnerable, and burdened. Despite Elladan's demeanor, Legolas needed to discuss yesterday's events. His keen senses told him that this might be the ideal time to talk with Elladan, when he was vulnerable, in the event that his vulnerability translated to openness. "Elladan, why do you continue to hurt him?"
"I love him, Legolas!" Elladan screamed, suddenly sitting down on one of the chairs opposite the standard sofa in every sitting room. "By the Valar, how I love him. And do you not think for a second that I would lay with anyone else to save him from this torment? But I can not Legolas! Who is to really say that our love has to be forbidden? Who really can say that just because blood is thicker than water, that love can not come forth from it? Legolas, I would do anything to be able to walk away from him, to be able to love someone with whom I could share the news with everyone. It kills me that the one I love, I have to hide from everyone, and it kills me even more, that the one I love, that very one thinks he is despicable and horrid because he too can not share these feelings that I am positive that he has buried deep inside his heart. Legolas, what are we to do?"
Legolas sat opposite of him, staring at clearly hurting Elladan. It seemed that Elladan spoke for him as well, as Legolas felt a wave of emotion wash over him. He choked a little, mind going hazy before he coherently chose his words.
"I understand." He whispered. "I know what its like to love someone with whom you can never have, to love someone with whom the normal boundaries should never be crossed. That is why I came here, Elladan. That is why I dare not want to return back to my native lands. You are braver than I am, Elladan, and I want you to know that. You actually followed your heart and acted, whereas I ran like a coward."
Legolas choked back stinging tears, thinking of his father's soothing voice and handsome features; his long silver hair that flowed down his lithe body, his bright green eyes whose depths reflected the very stars that shone in the night sky, his full lips, noble brow and slender nose. His father was nothing short of perfection and was far more than Legolas could resist. How he wanted not to want what couldn't be his. He lowered his head, dispelling the images from his mind. No, no one could ever know.
Elladan, realizing Legolas' sincerity, came to sit by Legolas on the sofa. "We are cursed, you know."
He leaned forward, locking eyes with Legolas. "Either way, by acting or not acting on your feelings, you risk not only killing yourself inside, but also alienating those around you. I fear I have lost my brother, and with whom ever you love, you have lost them as well you know, although you haven't acted yet. Will you ever?" Elladan curiously asked.
"No." Legolas answered in monotone. "It would destroy my family, ruin their good name. I could never look my father in the eye again."
"And who is it that you love?"
Legolas lowered his head, unchecked tears starting to flow. "Thranduil." He whispered, the sobs racking through his body.
Elladan wrapped his arms around Legolas. "Now I understand the contempt that I had for you when I first met you Legolas. We are similar creatures, its just you have more control than I do."
Legolas shook his head. "It's not a matter of self-control Elladan. I am just a coward. I could never reveal any of this to my father. It would pain him, since he's been so good to me. Caring and nurturing, raising me and teaching me all that he knows. His love is natural, as a father to son should be, protective and reassuring. How could I hurt him by letting him know that I have twisted the love that he has given me into something unnatural, something so wrong? I could not! I can not sever our bond and break his heart!"
"And your father, he is completely unaware of this?"
"As far as I know." Legolas shrugged. "I guess he's noticed that I have been acting more distant towards him. He just attributes it to the fact that he thinks I want to get out and travel, to see lands, test my wings and fly, I suppose. That is why he allowed me to bear his messages here. I begged him to let me go, since I was going insane being near him. I do not know how it happened Elladan. One day he was my father, and then the next day, I happened to come across him sleeping. He looked so peaceful, beautiful, vulnerable. My heart skipped, no, stopped, and my breath caught in my throat. I don't remember walking over to him, but I did. I leaned down and kissed his lips. It was so satisfying, so wonderful. He didn't wake, thank the Valar. But that stolen kiss, it still burns on my lips."
Legolas shook his bowed head. "I could never tell him though. I could not stand his gaze to ever be unfavorable on me."
"It was the same for me Legolas. One day Elrohir ceased to be just my brother to me. I fought as hard I as I could to not fall in love with him. But love has a way of winning despite your best efforts. Like I have said to other people, Legolas, there is no freedom of will. You simply cannot fight some things."
"What are we to do?"
"Somehow, Elrohir needs to heal. I just do not know how I am going to be able to reach him now that he hates me. I just fear I have lost him. Legolas, I will fade if that is the case."
Both sat looking at each other, eyes full of tears, hearts pained and torn.
Elrohir entered the room silently, noticing the close proximity of his brother and Legolas. "What is this?" Elrohir questioned, confusion painfully evident in his quivering voice.
Both Elladan and Legolas rose, and they faced Elrohir.
"We've been talking," Legolas said. "Your brother has shed some light on yesterday for me."
"Elrohir." Elladan moved towards his brother, but the glare that Elrohir shot from across the room caused the older and more bold twin to stop in his tracks.
"Do not come near me! Either of you!" Elrohir turned to run from the room, but Legolas' speed stunned both twins, and he was in front of the door, blocking Elrohir from exiting.
"No, Elrohir. You need to set things straight. I am sorry this is coming at a time when your friend and great elf-lord is battling for his life. But for your sake, and for your brother's sake, I think you two need to talk, and settle this tonight. I have had the pleasure of getting to know you two and I see the good in both of your hearts. I see how much you both care for each other, but the fear that is tearing you both apart breaks my heart. I can not just stand by and let you two collapse around me."
At that, Legolas left the room, leaving the brothers alone within his guest chambers.
"Elrohir, I'm sorry." Elladan lowered his head. "I am so sorry. I love you, and I am so sorry." He fell to his knees under the weight of his tears that flowed freely.
Elrohir was stunned to see his brother so distraught, and so open. The love that his brother spoke of was so evident, so painfully evident. Elrohir sat down beside his brother, pained to see his twin hurting so much. He wrapped his arms around him, remembering that first encounter they had, how Elladan had kissed him, and how he had kissed him back. But it was only suppose to be a one time thing. He was not suppose to fall in love with his brother! He knew however, that he had to find the same strength that his brother had. They were of the same blood, and he knew that Elladan was the only one for him.
"Elrohir, you complete me."
And with those words, Elrohir found himself crying as well, for he knew that it was true. He knew their was no one in all of Arda who could ever love him or be loved by him more than Elladan.
"As you do me." His hidden confession was finally spoken.
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Erestor watched late into the night by Glorfindel's bedside, and thus far Glorfindel hat not stirred. Periodically, Erestor would let his fingers run through the long golden tresses that framed Glorfindel's face that was beautiful even in its death pallor. The silken strands were still so soft, as they fell softly through his fingers.
"You must not give in Glorfindel." Erestor beseeched him as he let his hand rest on Glorfindel's forehead. He recoiled his hand from the unexpected cold pale skin before him, as Erestor hadn't realized just how serious this night would be for him and Glorfindel. Glorfindel's fea was already at the Halls, the cold that radiated from his body testified to that.
"Glorfindel you must not stay there, you must stay with me. Come back to me Glorfindel!" He pleaded and sobbed as he held the cold, unresponsive hand of his dying beloved. "I love you." He whispered before he finally broke down into a sob.
"Counselor." A healer said, as she entered into the room. "It is now time that I have to ask you to leave. I assure you that someone will be with him at all times, but we do not allow visitors to keep vigil all night. You should get some rest and come back in the morning."
Even though he wanted to protest and stay, Erestor knew better than to defy the healer's orders.
He rose in compliance, inclining his head to the healer in departure.
He knew he would find no rest this night, and after aimlessly roaming the halls he now found himself outside in the gardens. Expecting to be alone, he was startled to see a solitary figure seated on a garden bench. Recognizing it to be the younger of Elrond's twins, Erestor suddenly remembered the pained expression Elrohir exhibited earlier which seemed to mirror the earlier demeanor Elladan as well conveyed when he had seen him sitting on the steps.
"The night is most beautiful." Erestor introduced his presence to Elrohir. "Erestor!" Elrohir quickly began wiping his tears away.
"What bothers you this night?" Erestor decided that whatever was bothering the twins needed to be addressed.
"Glorfindel, I am so worried." Elrohir knew what Erestor meant, but he hoped that he would be too pre-occupied to continue with this conversation.
Erestor sat next to Elrohir, letting him know that he wasn't deterred. "No, what is going on with you, with Elladan?"
Elrohir bit his lip. It was true that he and Elladan had known Erestor since the time they were born, and if anyone could help it would probably be Erestor. He was wise, patient, and understanding.
"I'm deplorable, Erestor." He finally whispered.
Taken aback, Erestor immediately answered, "Now why would you think that! You are nothing of the sort."
"No, Erestor, it's true. You see, I just spoke with Elladan. We, are lovers Erestor." "Lovers?" Erestor gave him a look of confusion that demanded further explanation.
"I do not know how it happened! Erestor, I tried to say no. I tried not to let his come-ons and advances work. I tried! But Elladan is right. I love him, and how can I deny a love that feels so right? See how I am deplorable? It is easy for Elladan to accept, but even though I have accepted it, I can never really. We will ruin our father's good name. We will be outcast. Erestor, I do not know what to do." Tears flowed and Elrohir bowed his head.
Erestor was lost for words. But realizing that Elrohir needed his support, he quickly embraced him, letting him know that he didn't find him deplorable.
"Elrohir," Erestor finally broke the silence, "You can only follow your heart on this matter. I have finally come to realize that love is a very precious emotion, and when you finally find it, and find that the person with whom you love shares that same feeling, you can not deny it. Fighting it is hard, and it kills and dulls bits of you. And you are wrong. You are not deplorable. Not even close. There will be those who will not understand your love if you happen to tell them. If that happens, move on from them, because they will not matter in the end. Your true friends will stick by you because they want your happiness. The people who love you wouldn't want you to be anything but true to yourself and your feelings. I think it would pain your father, your mother, your sister, me, if you were a mask of who you truly are. Do not be someone else for us, denying your true self. You will be miserable if you take that path and you will become a shell of your former self, withdrawn, dying within, and trapped. I know this, because this has been my life for far too long. I would not have the same fate befall you. I love you far too much." He emphasized his statement with a hug to reassure Elrohir.
Elrohir nodded. The words that Erestor spoke to him expelled the lingering fear and doubt he had. Erestor was right, Legolas was right, and Elladan was right. The weight lifted from his heart and peace finally settled in its place.
On seeing the evident change in Elrohir, Erestor rose. "Now look, Elrohir, the stars are fading and you have not slept at all. Its time we both go rest before the new morning finally does come. Rest is what you need. It is time for you to ease your mind, and it is time for you to no longer live in doubt."
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The new morning found Glorfindel's condition to be the same in which he was the night before. Elrond had entered the healing room rather early after the healer who had watched over Glorfindel throughout the night had debriefed him. Elrond wasn't surprised to find that Erestor was already by Glorfindel's side in the very early morning.
"Erestor?" He tenderly shook his sleeping friend into awareness. "Good morning. I know you did not stay with Glorfindel all night, but I am not mistaken in pointing out that those are the same clothes you wore the day before. Please, my dear friend, refresh yourself while I check on his wounds. Taking a few moments for yourself wont cause Glorfindel's condition to worsen."
Erestor, having immediately snuck back into Glorfindel's room after departing ways with Elrohir, knew Elrond was right. He rose and stretched the sleep from his body. A nice warm bath would do his body much good. He stole a quick glance at the still sleeping Glorfindel before left the room. Glorfindel still slept so silent and pale, which made Erestor quickly avert his eyes as he turned away.
The long walk back to his personal chambers seemed so slow in passing. He deliberated on rather to turn back to the healing rooms to once again be by Glorfindel's side. He felt that he held the guilt to Glorfindel's injury. If he would have only accepted his attraction and forgot his fears, then Glorfindel would have never joined the patrol. Ah, if only he would have had the strength of Elrohir and Elladan. Glorfindel's fea would not be traveling to Mandos, and perhaps, he would be by his side now, kissing and hugging him.
Now he would probably never know such intimacy with Glorfindel. Why did he have to ruin Glorfindel's love that night, making him leave to his doom?
Erestor's thoughts stopped as he found himself at his bathroom. Gingerly he entered the room, his dark secret from yesterday still haunting him. He panicked when he didn't catch sign of his daggers. The servants must have seen them and probably were having them cleaned, he reasoned. Erestor chided himself for being so negligent with leaving those weapons so carelessly on the bathroom floor. He couldn't stand the thought of losing those daggers, which had saved and almost ended his life on different occasions. Elrond had tried to take those blades away from him, but Erestor had secretly obtained them back from him. Such objects that held such profound and poignant memories to Erestor would be hard for him to part with. After his bath, he would retrieve them and hide them back into the depths of his chest where they belonged.
His bath had already been drawn for him, despite his absence in his chambers that morning, so he absentmindedly undressed and stepped into the still warm water. He undid the bandages on his arms and winced at the sensation of the warm water entering his still open wounds. He knew he should keep his bath short, as he really wanted to be at Glorfindel's side, but his body was well relaxed and welcomed the inviting warmth and soothing quality of the bath. He let his mind settle, and he lingered longer then he would have liked.
Having dried and dressed, Erestor exited his personal chamber and headed for the healing wing once again. The matter of his daggers had been forgotten. He entered the healing room where Elrond was seated by the still unconscious Glorfindel. His brow was slightly feverish, as Glorfindel was still battling for his life. The serious, grave look that Elrond had etched across his face conveyed to Erestor that Glorfindel was indeed still so very close to death.
"His wound has stopped bleeding, and now we must wait. His fea is weak at the moment, as it is mostly in the Halls of Mandos. We must be patient and wait for there is still a chance that he may yet return to us. Be strong." Elrond said as he rose from the seat.
For the rest of the day, Erestor sat by Glorfindel's bedside. He placed a damp cloth across Glorfindel's forehead throughout the day, as he ushered encouraging words to the one whom he cared so much for. The slow day passed while Erestor continued to talk to him, stroking his face, and holding his hand while inwardly he cried and prayed to the Valar for him.
In this fashion, three long days passed slowly for the residents of Imladris.
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Well, for some residents of Imladris, the three days seemed even longer. This was the case for Elladan, Elrohir, and Legolas. Although the twins had finally accepted their new status of lovers, Elrohir was concerned about Legolas. He had been so absorbed in the acceptance of his new love, that he had failed to notice Legolas' troubles. That was, until today, when Legolas' discord seemed to threaten to tear his friend apart.
This concerned Elladan as well, since he hated seeing Legolas so torn, and afraid to act on a love that burned so strong for him.
It was true that Legolas was distressed. He thought that he had feelings for Elrohir, but he understood that although the feelings were there, Elrohir and Elladan were meant for each other. And also troubling was the word that had just reached him by way of message. His father, King Thranduil, was already on his way to Imladris to pay the ailing Glorfindel a visit. The King of Greenwood travelled quickly and would, by tomorrow afternoon be within the walls of the Last Homely House.
Legolas, being emotional from finally admitting his true feelings first to Elladan and then to Elrohir, wasn't sure if he was ready to face his father again.
"So." Elladan said to Legolas while he braided a strand of his brother's hair. "Are you going to confront your father? Or will you keep your distance and secret from him forever?"
"I am not like you two. I could never tell him how I feel. It's different anyways." "How so?" Elrohir inquired. “You ca not hide from him forever.”
"I do not know. But it just is." Legolas replied, matter of fact, and void of the usual elven eloquence.
"Anyways, he will be here soon, and I believe I need to be alone to reflect. If you will excuse me." He bowed his head in departure.
"Until later, Legolas." Elrohir bowed back.
"And do not worry about us Legolas. I am sure we can find something to do to pass the time without you." Elladan grinned and winked at Legolas, who smiled back to them before leaving.
"Elladan!" Elrohir playfully smacked at his brother, before being tackled down.
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The new moon left the sky in complete darkness, leaving the stars alone to blaze their brightest in the absence of Ithil's light. Elrond sat beside Glorfindel's bedside in this early night. All through these long past days, Glorfindel had drifted close to death and back. But he had yet to wake, thus giving Elrond no sign in which to tell him which direction Glorfindel would turn to. Elrond could sense that his friend's fea had left the Halls of Mandos, which did cause some hope to fill his heart, although the doubt and worry still poignantly lingered within his mind.
Elrond sighed, as it seemed that Glorfindel would never wake from his unconscious state. "Yet another night in which you will not see the beauty of the stars, my friend." Melancholy struck the tone of his voice as he spoke mostly to himself, while he stared out the window into the moonless but star filled night.
"Shall I tell you of how they shine?" He asked as he rose from the chair that he had been seated on to fetch the herbal tea to give to Glorfindel.
"Well," Elrond continued his speech as he coaxed the warm fluid into Glorfindel's mouth. "Tis the new moon tonight so the stars are at their brightest, as they are not hindered by Ithil's usual glow. The light is such to warm the soul and inspire the minstrels and poets. Varda has really blessed us tonight, my friend." He paused for a moment as he placed the now empty cup onto the nightstand by the sick-bed of Glorfindel. Talking to his friend would hopefully entice him back into the world of the living. How he desperately wanted to know where Glorfindel's fae exactly was and why he continued to choose to stay within that world apart from theirs.
"Ah my friend, it is as if every star that was ever created was trying to outshine each other in this moonless dark night. It is an inspiring night Glorfindel. Would you not like to experience the stars within this night with me?" He desperately implored to his friend.
"Elrond, you speak with the unwilling." A soft and gentle voice stated as a dark figure emerged into the light that blanketed the room from an iron lantern that hung above the bed in which Glorfindel lay.
Elrond looked at the one who spoke, whom he greeted with a smile. "Good evening Curumil. He has yet to wake this beautiful night."
Curumil moved closer to the bed and checked over Glorfindel. His brow furrowed, while his hand moved across Glorfindel's forehead. Within his deep and ancient eyes, Curumil displayed his transparent worry and sadness. "What keeps him from waking to stay within this liminal state?"
"I know not. His physical injury is healing well, which means that there are definitely other factors in play."
"He does not want to wake. Some trouble within his heart would keep him locked within his mind."
"That very well might be the reason. I also think that he must be searching for a reason to return. Either something keeps him away, or that something will bring him back." Elrond's features were grave as he continued. "Glorfindel has once dwelled within the Halls of Mandos and the burdens on his soul were much when his fea travelled to those halls. Mandos has a stronger connection on him than others, so we must expect a difficult transition for him to return to us."
"But he will return?" A worried third voice entered the conversation as Erestor took his usual seat by the bedside. Elrond smiled when he saw that Erestor continued to keep his bedside vigil by the one he so stubbornly refused to admit his feelings to.
"I must admit Erestor that I was seriously wondering if you would join us tonight." Elrond commented. "I did not see you at the evening meal and I was afraid that you would not come at all tonight."
"I was simply star gazing." He honestly answered.
Those blazing luminous stars had called out to his soul, and he had been lured to stare into the star fields within the heavens. Bittersweet memories had filled his senses as he vividly remembered that night in which he had caught Glorfindel watching him while they both had gazed at the stars. In those twinkling heavenly elusive lights, Erestor could almost make out that inner sparkling light within those blue depths of Glorfindel's eyes. After countless absorbed moments, he had had then dragged himself away from those captivating lights that had kindled and touched a very part of his soul and heart. Now that he saw Glorfindel still lost from those in the room, all the pain returned to him tenfold.
"Come my friends; let us retire from here to my study. There I can offer spirits, a warm fire, and conversation." Elrond offered as he turned to leave the healing room. He knew it wasn't good for anyone to dwell too long within and with their sad thoughts and worries. Sometimes one just needed a release and distraction from the ever-woeful events of life.
"No, Elrond. I will withhold from accepting your company tonight for I would rather stay by Glorfindel's side. Perhaps his soul will sense that he is wanted back here if I stay."
"Of course, Erestor. That has been our sentiments as well. But you must not forget yourself in trying times. I would be most happy if you would reconsider and join Curumil and myself for a relaxing evening."
Erestor refused to answer the request from Elrond, as he sat ever watchful over Glorfindel. Strained silent moments passed until Erestor could hear a sigh of defeat as two pairs of feet left the room.
He knew that Elrond had only just offered some wine and conversation and nothing more, but he really didn't feel like leaving Glorfindel this night. It was as if the unusual quality of the brilliant stars that kept stirring his mind back to that night in which he had seen Glorfindel stand so glorious, was a premonition. His heart had ached and cried out for him just as it did now.
The light that fell on Glorfindel now, accentuated his deathly pallor and empty eyes. Gone was that sparkle that captivated and drew people to those eyes. Erestor knew that Glorfindel wouldn't wake this night, but he felt compelled to stay by the bedside until the stars would dim into haziness, and Anor would replace them.
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Lingering coldness shot through him, but the chill was not painful. Violent flashes of ash grey stonework encircled and contained him. In astonishment, he recognized those long cold halls from his memories. He had been here before, so long ago he remembered as he walked down that hall. On either side of him were the doors that differed so cruelly from others. Without doorknobs in which to turn there was not a way out for the souls that inhabited those rooms, as no one entered or exited those solitary rooms without divine providence.
He shuddered to himself as he tried not to remember those silent grey faces of the dead, of his own image as he walked through the halls.
"So I am not truly dead yet."
His hollow voice was lost within the massive stones that absorbed and stifled everything. He could speak, but no one would hear him. Perhaps there were other inhabitants of the halls around him whom he could not see. Those in waiting, as he was, could not see the dead, for the dead took no form. It was the souls who were waiting that took that frightful grey translucent color, with silent mournful faces.
That was his form at the moment, he knew. He wondered if Cinodon was here, and if he would see him. He felt terrible that he had been unable to help or save that young sentry. Within his fragmented mind, he could still find his feelings for Erestor. Despite the numbness of his body, a pain could be felt as he recognized his longings for the one whom he probably would never see again.
"O Erestor, if only this could have turned out differently. Would I not be here, but instead at your side in Imladris?"
It pained him to know that he would be the only one to ever hear his true confessions now that he was within these distant Halls. His love would be lost and absorbed within those walls that held him and the dead, hindering them from ever reaching the ears of the one who deserved to hear them the most. In a sense of irony, he had to laugh despite his predicament, due to yet another obstacle which kept his feelings from reaching Erestor's heart.
He continued down the hall, now so unfamiliar in its darker grey and bolder masonry work. He peered closer at those imposing stones and by doing so; he was able to make out every pair of eyes that had dwelled within these halls. Despite the surreal organic stones that blinked in time with him, he was calmly void of any emotion, truly numb as an apparition was within these halls.
Why was it that he was allowed to just walk about freely? In his past dwelling in these halls, he had been held in a room with the dead of Gondolin. So many of his fallen brethren had filled that large hall when he had been here last. One by one they had taken to their "rooms" until he himself had been shut behind one of those doors. When finally he had been allowed the choice of leaving he had been escorted down to the exact hall that had led him back to Arda.
What was so different now? He was forced to stop. The hall had ended and was replaced with a staircase the led upwards. Bewilderment flashed through his mind as he reasoned that there were not stairs within the Halls of Mandos. So he wasn't there? He wasn't a prisoner of those walls, but instead he was simply just lost within his dreams and mind?
Knowing that dreams in this sort of nature serve as passageways, he had to continue within the course of the dream. Up he climbed until climb he could no longer. A door stood open at the top of those stairs and through it he could see stars. Their brightness burned his eyes and he had to blink as he moaned aloud.
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The Dance On Water