Aearlinn | By : narcolinde Category: -Multi-Age > General Views: 8933 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
"Listen to me, Aearen, and set aside your cloak of agony for a moment." As he spoke Elrond turned Legolas around, and to his great relief the sylvan complied, blue eyes all aglitter with umbrage. "You are young and thus I understand how you came to such erroneous conclusions. My feelings haven't changed; I would have us be formally wed according to the customs of my people."
Legolas exhaled away his affronted dignity and some of the strain vanished from around his eyes. "What of Elladan and Elrohir?"
"They agree; the marriage ceremony should go forward."
"That isn't what I meant. If you permit me to bond with them, how can my bond to you be recognised?"
"That is between you and me and the One; no one else has any business knowing the particulars. The same may be said for the secondary bond with my sons. It is a private matter and need not be explained or even mentioned. Did you not say that such ties were unknown to you, even in Greenwood? It must be that the sylvan elves keep these unions secret to protect their hearts and the hearts of any children born of those bonds." It was if a thousand stars suddenly exploded in Elrond's mind as he said those words; until that instant the idea of Legolas bearing his sons' offspring had not presented itself. Would he do it? Valar, my mate could breed my grandchildren!
"Aye, 'tis true." Legolas saw the twitch in Elrond's frame, the strangely panicked gleam in the grey eyes, and frowned, not realising the thoughts he'd answered. "Yet what I feel for them is nothing at all like the feeling my heart holds for you. I don't love them; I'm not even sure I would like them as friends. I don't want you to think I'm a
" Legolas swallowed, "
a promiscuous whore."
"Aiya! I think that word has no translation into your language and you learned the concept here from my beloved citizens." Elrond was glad to have something else on which to focus. "I don't ever want to hear your lips form that ugly term again, understood?"
"Aye."
"Legolas, do not judge this situation by the skewed standards imposed by old Noldorin customs. Return to the teachings with which you were raised and if it helps, consider that not all bonds are grounded in emotion. Your romantic heart rejects the more practical aspects of courtship and marriage; that is to be expected. I have lived a long time and have observed many bonded couples; indeed, many of them asked me to officiate at the formal ceremony. Love is not always the primary ingredient in a union."
"But I do love you!"
"Ah, did I imply otherwise? Listen to me, Legolas. I am talking about the half-bond my sons created that day in Eregion all those years ago. I know you were helpless to stop it even as I know that you love me now. As far as my sons are concerned, even I can see how torn they must have been, wanting you and hating themselves for feeling that way. It is not a part of our culture, not part of our nature; we do not have a means of self-preservation such as Wood Elves do. Were one of my sons to fall wounded as you were, his twin could not save him, though he poured out all his love upon him."
Legolas' eyes widened in alarm. "That is incredibly sad and frightening. That means if something happens to you, no one can save you, not even me!" He reached up to clutch two handfuls of heavy velvet.
"Do not fear," Elrond murmured and kissed the brow all wrinkled with worry, rejoicing as Legolas melted against him, burying his face into the thick robes. With monumental relief he felt no physical evidence of his beloved's response to the twin's seduction. "I have no plans to go forth into battle any time soon and no desire to join Glorfindel's patrols. My resistance against the Shadow is of a different nature. You have chosen well in selecting a mate who is considered too important to expose to unnecessary risk."
Knowing this was supposed to be a joke, Legolas obliged by raising his face, complete with a wan and watery smile, pressing a quick kiss against the smirking lips before laying his cheek against the solid strength of the elven Lord's chest. The heart beneath his ear thudded with steadfast resolve. He began to dare hope the worst could be averted and the four of them could come to a resolution that spared harm to either couple.
"I'm glad you understand. I need them, but I don't want them. To be honest; it scares me more than a little. I've only been with you; what are they going to do, Elrond? Will it be the same? Will they both
"
"I don't know!" The Elven Lord's blood froze and he thought his heart would stop. He could not discuss that! He broke from Legolas and took several paces away. "Didn't you ask them? Maybe you should have sought Lindir's advice."
"You're angry," Legolas stared at the tall elegant form radiating the fury of a wronged lover. "All you've said; it's a lie. You can't accept this. Why did you pretend?" he demanded and immediately knew the answer. "It's the child. You fear the elfling will die."
"Yes!" Elrond returned to his young lover in a swirl of robes and ebony braids, clutching at Legolas' arms to stop him from fleeing, to make him hear. "I fear that and more. I can't stand to think of you with another, especially my sons! Maybe you will like them, perhaps even love them. I could lose you so easily and then what shall I do? You will have our babe and a pair of lovers to care for you and I will be left alone!"
"Nay, Elrond!"
"With everything I am I want to forbid this
this farce of a union." He was shouting now but didn't care when Legolas winced and tried to twist free. "Everything inside me says this is wrong! How can you expect me to accept it? You're mine
"
"You do not own me!" Legolas yelled back. "I had no choice in this but I am not a slave. Do you think this is what I imagined as my fate? Perhaps you believe this is how Wood Elves normally choose a mate?"
"Well, isn't it? A combat between the suitors and whoever gets his cock in first wins. I'm your mate by default, Legolas." It was a cruel thing to say and Elrond regretted it at once, for Legolas' breath left his lungs and all the strength left his body. He shut his eyes and sagged in Elrond's arms and together they dropped to sit heavily on the ground. "Legolas, Aearen, saes!" Elrond whispered, horrified that he'd really said that. "I don't know what I
Forgive me, please, do not heed those vicious words. Once more my pride and ignorance takes over. Fear and jealousy made me speak so; oh, how I wish I hadn't."
"It's what you really think, no need to ask forgiveness for being truthful for once. Better to have it clear." Legolas' voice was filled with bitterness. He longed to get away but found he hadn't the energy to move. "I've been such a fool."
"No, that isn't me, Aearen, I'm just so terrified I'll lose you. And you aren't foolish. I know you've tried to deny the feelings you have for
"
"These aren't feelings!" barked Legolas, straightening up. "I do not feel anything for them but dread. Valar! They hate me yet I am compelled to let them
" He couldn't even finish the thought out loud, flinching and shuddering at the same time. "Yet I can't turn to the one I love with these fears for you are offended, your dominance compromised, your precious position of authority and power threatened."
"Nae! That's not true; I can comfort you, beloved. Give me another chance; I won't fail you. Difficult as this is, I love you and will find a way to keep my jealousy in check." Elrond's eyes were wide in shock; he hadn't imagined this from Legolas' perspective at all, or rather, he'd imagined an entirely different scenario. Legolas wasn't looking forward to this encounter with excited anticipation but contemplating the act with terror, its possible consequences with dread. He drew Legolas against his chest, propping his chin upon the crown of golden strands, slowly caressing the tense, resistant spine.
Legolas said nothing; once burned, twice shy. He wasn't about to utter a single syllable on the subject again and was already visualising the journey to Mithlond, wondering if he could send word and ask his Naneth to meet him there, to see her one more time before he left forever. He wanted her to know about the child and Galbreth's rebirth. Would she heed the summons or bow to tradition and pretend he was dead? The idea overwhelmed him; he was so weary and needed to be loved yet now it was all too obvious he didn't warrant that gift. He crumpled up with a low moan and gave in to the sorrow.
Elrond's felt the quaking of suppressed sobs and wrapped his arms tight around Legolas, alarmed, squeezing hard and rocking him. Time for me to stop acting like a broken-hearted adolescent jilted by his first crush. Somehow he had to be strong for it was obvious Legolas could not be. No matter how much they both wished it this partial bond would not just vanish and could not be ignored without paying a heavy price.
"They will not do anything you don't want," he began quietly, a tremor in his voice, and he had to take a breath and swallow before he could go on. "Elladan and Elrohir don't hate you; they hate the fact that you came between them. They believed they would have to choose between you and the love they already share. Elrohir truly thought Elladan had made that decision and meant to leave him; Elladan felt guilty for almost giving in to forces he couldn't overpower. I think, from what they said to me, that with these obstacles removed they are very amenable to taking you into their bond." Still Legolas did not respond but the trembling ceased and his respiration became more normal; he was listening and Elrond thanked the Valar for it.
"My sons will not hurt you, that much I can promise, but beyond that I really don't know what they have planned. I believe they would rather have you direct them in this." Finally Legolas stirred as a soft sigh left him, but still he didn't speak. "I haven't any experience in such a situation either, nor do they, but I've a feeling my sons received instruction from our resident minstrel. Tell me more of what Lindir said," Elrond prompted softly and squeezed harder. "He must have given you some idea of what to expect."
"Aye, but it doesn't matter anymore. I'm not going to join with them."
"What?" Elrond sat up straight and held Legolas out from him, searching the defeated face worriedly. "You're thinking of leaving again. You must not do so unless you are comfortable with the idea of your mate ending up in Mandos while you languish in Estë's healing gardens.
"You must hear me now, Legolas. I give you my permission, not as someone who owns you but as your mate who loves you. This is going to take some adjustment in thought on my part but I swear I can achieve it. I will not suffer you to leave me, Aearen, nor permit you to grieve so sorely that you yearn for death. We can make this work, I promise. What say you?"
Legolas was silent for long minutes. Eventually he pulled from Elrond's hold, sidling over to the rim of the pool again, trailing his fingers into the gracefully cascading shower, recalling a happier day when he'd played in the spray of Elrond's fountain. "I want to believe that but I'm afraid. What if you can't change your mindset and never want to touch me again. I can't survive that and I must live for the child. I've no choice left but to go."
"And break your word? I refuse to be responsible for making you choose such a dishonourable option." Elrond followed him to the water's edge, sitting behind him, trapping him between his arms and legs, pressing his body against the resistant back. "You are brave and strong, a Wood Elf, this is natural for you. Far greater threats you have faced before. It will not be as you imagine, though I know my deplorable attitude gives you every reason to believe your fears will become reality.
"I can't pretend to be happy about this, nor can I promise not to feel saddened and even angry about it. I can promise not to burden you with blame for my emotions. It's my fault, really, for I should not have resisted the bonding all those years ago. I will work hard to prove that I can be a good mate to you, but you must not break your oath to me. I am your mate. I know now that I would have fallen in love with you no matter how we met, instinctive urge or not. I love you and our babe. We will raise him together."
"And your sons?" Legolas whispered, once more grasping at this hope, no matter how faint, for the love Elrond felt was in his voice and the fear of losing the object of that love evident in the strength of his clasping arms.
Elrond exhaled in relief; once more Legolas would permit him another chance. He kissed the bowed head again. "I will leave it to you. Where and how you add them into your life is your decision, as long as they don't move into our rooms."
"Varda forbid!" Legolas shivered in revulsion. He relaxed and let his head fall back against Elrond's shoulder, relishing the comfort of the gentle swaying motion he'd established, entwining his fingers in one of the elven Lord's hands where it was pressed against his ribs. For several minutes they remained quiet.
"When?" asked Elrond, the word barely a whisper of sound amid the pattering percussion of the falls.
"It must be soon for this tension is not healthy for me and the child. The celebration tonight lends itself to such things as you know."
In spite of himself Elrond flinched. "Tonight? I hoped there would be more time to get used to the idea. Am I to be there? I
I don't think I can watch."
Legolas turned enough to look into Elrond's eyes, worried about the lingering aversion such a notion evoked in his staid and proper lover. "I know this. I will be with you first, then them, and after
I want to be with you for the sunrise, if you will permit it."
He shifted until he was draped across Elrond's lap and then framed the noble, serious face with his hands, pulling the pensive mouth to meet his in a soft, placating kiss. He caressed each corner, nibbled the upper peaks and their dividing indentation, laved the lower lip with a tentative tongue tip, sucked in the red flesh. Finally Elrond kissed back, hard, yanking Legolas close in a bruising crush, invading his mouth and laying claim to every inch of its interior, pulling back to give a final bite to the bottom lip as Legolas gasped in a quick breath. Their eyes locked in searing communion.
"I want you now." Elrond wasn't sure what was driving his desire and had no wish to analyse it. He didn't care if this was jealous insecurity, a need for reassurance, a need to prove to them both that he was in control. Legolas was his; he would have him if he so wished. He initiated another ferocious kiss, registering Legolas' plaintive moan, fingers urgently working to unfasten the Wood Elf's leggings. This was not going to be a romantic encounter. To his amazement, Legolas broke the kiss and snatched away the hand digging at his crotch.
"And at dawn? Will you still want me then? Will you still love me, Elrond?" he demanded, voice low and brittle, his gleaming eyes full of both challenge and fear. He was a Wood Elf and all that was happening to them was due to that simple fact, yet he would not be ashamed of what he was, nor would he abide that reaction from his mate.
The intensity in the blue gaze sobered Elrond immediately. He stopped and looked at Legolas clearly, acknowledging him thoroughly, searching his innermost heart for the answer to that question. He truly didn't want to share his Wood Elf with anyone yet he would lose him and the child if he insisted on monogamy. Could he love this sylvan archer without reservation, accepting every unique aspect of his nature? No, he deserves to be cherished rather than granted a grudging acceptance. Can I love him, as he is, what he is, without secretly hoping to change him and scorning what cannot be altered?
In rapid succession there passed before his mind's eye highlights of their many days together, all those things he had recounted to Legolas that endeared the sylvan to him, culminating in the memory of the absolute joy in Legolas' eyes when Elrond had finally asked him to formalise their union. It was as Lindir said; the bond of their souls had been forced upon the archer but the love he offered Elrond was his choice. He loved Elrond without reservation, caring not about the current wife in Aman, the scorn of her family in Imladris and Lorien, or the disdain of the valley's citizens.
The strength of Legolas' devotion superseded all: grief, guilt, homesickness, and fear. Even if Elrond rejected him Legolas would still love him; indeed, the woodland warrior had ample reason to despise the Lord of Imladris but chose instead to forgive, again and again. No one had ever loved Elrond so intensely, so completely. Suddenly the question wasn't so difficult and his countenance brightened in a jubilant smile as he drew Legolas back against his chest warmly.
"Yes, Aearen, I will love you at tomorrow's dawn and every other until Arda is no more."
He made love to Legolas gently then, passionately, devotedly, all thoughts of dominance, control, and possession drowned in the depths of their abiding bond.
TBC
miscanthus: Thank you! I'm pleased this is still holding your interest.
Nikkiling: Ah, I was able to surprise you, that is great! Oh, yes, this chapter shows how angst-y this might get. Ahhhhh! I am so happy to see you mention that. So far you are the second who has noticed. Interesting, no? Much thanks, mellonen!
Radol an Estel: Finding a Way towards Trust
Rhosshîr: Rustling Stream
Lanthir Fâ'n: waterfall veil
Lim-dalu Aur: Flat-fish Morning
Mereth od Ened Ethuil: The Celebration of Mid-Spring
Naneth Nastaron: mother f-er
Pethron: narrator
Kwingarô nethrâ: Archer youthful - from a VERY ancient form of elvish
Ech Vrassen: White-hot Spear - lightning
elenille: little stars - sparks - from ancient elvish forms
Ernil o Gladgalan: Prince of Greenwood
Ceryn o Cabor: frog's balls
Minnon?: May I enter?
Lilta Nár: Fire Dance
Cundithen: Little Prince
Tawaro: spirit of the woods, dryad
Padathron Dalt: snail or slug - Slipping Walker
Tulus Iaur: Ancient Poplar
Pen Vrûn: Old One
GLOSSARY
© 09/29/2007 Ellen Robey
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