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Path of Honor-Part II: Far From Home	By : IdrilsSecret Category: +Third Age > Slash - Male/Male Views: 4869 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or any of its characters. I make no money in the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 12
- 13
- 14
Chapter Thirteen

The next few weeks in Lothlórien were interesting to say the least. Many of the elves were uncomfortable with the strangers, and we didn’t normally behave in such a way. True, we weren’t used to having Men, Dwarves and Hobbits visiting, but we were usually a very accepting community. Instead, my people seemed distrusting of them. No one was rude, but they didn’t go out of their way to be overly polite either. I noticed when the travelers passed by an elf or a group of elves, everyone would bow their heads in recognition of each other, but once the strangers had gone by, the elves glanced over their shoulders in suspicion. And I had to admit, I too felt this underlying current of distrust when I first came upon them, but now that I knew their backstory, I was confident that they were all very trustworthy people. The one thing that did bother me was the fact that they carried something that belonged to the enemy. Legolas told me about it, but he was never specific as to what that weapon was.
Other than that, things were quite well. Legolas either spent his time with the company or with me. He was very good at being discrete, but I could tell it was wearing on his nerves. He wasn’t used to hiding his feelings, or containing his actions and reactions. When we were alone, he could finally be himself, and released all that pent up energy and desire. I definitely was not complaining.
We were very careful where we met, and I usually spent my evenings at Legolas’ guest quarters where we knew we would not be interrupted. Legolas didn’t have any visitors, where as I might be visited by Captains, soldiers, messengers or my own brothers. Not every moment was spent in unremitting wonder. I still had work to do, though Legolas tagged alone on occasion. He actually laughed at our military system, calling it stiff and priggish. Mirkwood was the complete opposite. Soldiers were called to fight, and they fought. Reports were, more or less, eye witness accounts. And when it was time to do battle, everyone participated. It worked for them, but Mirkwood was not Lothlórien. We thrived on order and procedure, and I still had to do my part, even though I wished I could have spent every moment with Legolas until it was time for him to leave.
One thing we enjoyed immensely was target practice. We liked trying to outdo each other, and unfortunately, Legolas won a lot of the time. Still, our contests would bring a crowd of elves, mostly the younger ones, who liked to watch us battle for best archer. On this one particular day, Legolas and I were neck and neck. We had matched each other’s shots perfectly. One slight bit off aim, and the game would be over. A group of young elves began making bets with each other as to who would be the victor, me or Legolas.
“We’ve attracted quite an audience here today,” Legolas commented. “Who do you think they’re here to see, me or you?”
“You, obviously,” I answered.
“And why is that? Because of my extraordinary skill with a bow?” he jested.
“Oh, you are good. I’ll give you that, but I believe they are curious about seeing a Wood elf … you know … dark, dangerous and unpredictable,” I laughed. “But, of course, once I’ve bested you, they’ll see that you are no threat to the talents of Lothlórien’s best archer.”
He cocked an eyebrow and smiled from the corner of his mouth. “Self-proclaimed best archer, is it?”
I narrowed my eyes in his direction. “Why you–”
Legolas turned to the crowd of young elf men, and spoke to them. “So, you have been watching us for a while. Shall we see who the better archer is?” The crowd cheered with enthusiasm, and Legolas spun around to face me. “I believe we have a serious contest here.”
I laughed and nodded in agreement. “Alright, I’ll take that challenge. Who do you think will win?” I called to the elves. I held my hand over Legolas’ head, and a few cheered. Then I held my hand over my own head and the whole group of elves whooped and hollered. Legolas laughed and bowed to me, accepting the fact that I was the favorite. When he stood straight again, his eyes danced with the excitement of a challenge. It wasn’t the first time we had competed against each other, but I’d be damned if I was going to lose on my own territory.
We started out hitting targets, every arrow striking center. Then we began using tricks, shooting two arrows at a time, and firing at the moving targets being controlled on pulley systems by some of the young elves. We were running, jumping, firing at different targets, and seeing who came closer. We shot several arrows rapidly to see who was quicker and closer to center. I could feel the excitement all around, between us and our onlookers. And I started to realize that these young elf men were seeing Legolas much differently than some of the other elves of Lórien. They weren’t concerned about his race or where he came from. None of that mattered. They were impressed with his talent, and perhaps they were even learning a thing or two from him. I thought of the older residents that observed Legolas with conjecture, not because they knew him, but because of what they had been taught about other elven races. And I wondered why that was acceptable. The future lay with these youth. They would be the ones to tear down the skepticism. They were the ones who would realize that no matter where we were from or what traditions we practiced, we were all elves fighting for the same cause. Their impression of Legolas was not fear, but curiousness. These were the elves that would remember this day, and tell their own sons and daughters that Wood elves were no different from us. But, of course, there would always be those whose minds could never be changed. They would remember the myths and hold on to their prejudices. Those were not the elves who we needed to convince. It was the younger generation, the ones easily influenced, and that’s what was happening before me in that moment.
We finished showing off, and it was deemed that there was no clear winner. The group of elves ran out onto the practice field, surrounding us, cheering and grasped our arms, raising them in the air. Legolas and I laughed and smiled, stealing glances at one another, proud of what we had accomplished, and without knowing it at first.
“Can you teach us how to do that?” Someone called out of the crowd to Legolas. And then they shouted different requests, can you do this or can you do that. What about . . .? They went on.
“Can you shoot an arrow into a target and fire a second, splitting the first in two?” another bystander asked from the sea of voices.
“Oh, I like that one,” Legolas responded, though he didn’t know who asked. He broke free of the crowd and walked over to the targets again. He held two arrows in his firing hand and prepared to shoot. Legolas was in his element, and I took joy in watching him show off. He aimed and fired the first arrow, but as he nocked the second, someone else took the shot, splitting Legolas’ arrow in half. Immediately, he turned to me, but I shrugged my shoulders, and showed him that my quiver was empty. We both looked around the crowd when my eyes settled on Raenor. He was standing there with his bow still raised, and slowly lowered it. The crowd hushed, and Legolas went to the new observer.
“That was a fine shot,” Legolas said to him.
“Difficult, but not impossible,” Raenor responded. Then he introduced himself, and Legolas gave me a brief glance before turning his full attention on him.
“Raenor is it? I have heard a thing or two about you,” Legolas said.
“As well as I have heard about you.” Raenor turned towards me. “Strange company you keep yet again, Captain.” Raenor’s eyes darted from Legolas, back to me, questioning and suspicious.
“Legolas and I worked together while I was in Mirkwood, and he is my guest for however long he stays in Lothlórien,” I said defensively.
“Of course he is,” Raenor mumbled. He smiled arrogantly. “I do hope that the Elven King’s son is finding everything to his liking.”
Some of the elves standing close by heard Raenor’s reference and gasped. “You are Prince Legolas, son of King Thranduil?” they asked.
“I am, though I prefer not to be addressed as such,” Legolas answered. I could tell he was wary of Raenor, and he had every right to be. Legolas was very careful not to give him anything that might harm me or my reputation.
Raenor looked around the practice field. “I see you and Captain Rúmil have been having a contest. Room for one more?” he asked.
“Rúmil and I have just finished up for the day. Perhaps tomorrow we might–”
“Of course,” Raenor interrupted. “Wouldn’t want to tarnish your winning edge.” He turned to the group of bystanders. “Has Prince Legolas amazed you all, held you in awe with his incredible talents?”
The crowd agreed in unison that Legolas was the best they’d ever seen. Raenor let them go on for a few moments, and then he spoke again. “Simply tricks that anyone can learn if they have enough time on their hands like the Prince must surely have. But any of these techniques will do you no good in battle, just remember that.”
“An elf should know every technique available, for you never know what situation you might find yourself in. And yes, I have used some of these moves that you’ve seen here today while fighting the enemy. They are not tricks, as you have called them,” Legolas corrected. I was surprised at how placid his tone was towards someone who basically insulted him. “How about we do this. I’ll perform another … trick … with your assistance, and then I’ll explain how it can be used in battle.”
The surrounding elves were excited to see something new, and Raenor was not one to back down from a challenge. “Very well,” he agreed.
“Alright then, I’m going to stand over there, and I want you to shoot directly at me,” Legolas told him.
“I don’t see how this is a trick,” Raenor scoffed.
“It’s not,” Legolas said in return, his tone lowering to something dark. He walked across the way. I stayed where I was. Once Legolas was in place, he gave further instructions. “Now, I want you to fire repeatedly, as any orc would do, and aim directly at me.”
Raenor seemed fine with this, but I didn’t find it entertaining. “Are you actually going to do this?” I complained. “You are going to shoot arrows at the Prince of Mirkwood?”
Raenor grabbed a handful of arrows and nocked the first one. “Only because he told me to. If he gets injured, it will be his own fault.” Raenor glanced back at me from the corner of his eye. “Don’t worry, Captain, I won’t stick him anywhere … life threatening.”
“You are both insane,” I chided.
Without any warning, Raenor started losing arrows at Legolas, but to my surprise, Legolas was firing back, actually knocking Raenor’s arrows out of the air with his own. I knew it took great skill to split an embedded arrow in two, but to actually hit another arrow while it was in flight was … unbelievable. I couldn’t take my eyes from the sky. Everyone around me was silent too. We were all in shock by what we were witnessing. And then, they stopped. I looked to Raenor, and he had his last arrow in position, ready to fire. Then I looked at Legolas and saw that he had no more arrows.
“That is all fine and well, Prince Legolas,” Raenor called across the field. “But it really comes down to who has the most arrows, doesn’t it?”
“It is not over until you’ve fired your last and made it count.” Legolas looked to his left and gestured to a target. “I’ll tell you what. I’ll make it very easy for you. Just hit this target, and you’ll be the victor in this contest.”
Raenor blew out a short breath like a sadistic laugh. As far as he was concerned, he’d won, but if Legolas needed to see him hit the target, so be it. He pulled his arm back, fingers hooked on the string, and fired without taking any time to line up his shot. Like me, Raenor had been hitting targets since he was an elflings.
Suddenly, Legolas reached out with his hand and snatched the arrow from the air just before it embedded into the target. With lightning speed, he used the same arrow, and fired it back at Raenor. There were no targets where we stood, but there were trees, and that’s where the arrow ended up, after it barely passed by Raenor. It came so close, I watched as a few strands of his hair hung in the air and then floated to the ground.
“As I said,” Legolas gloated. “It’s not over until the last arrow is spent and put to good use.”
I could see that Raenor was furious. He glared at Legolas, as he made his way towards us. The crowd around me murmured in awe of Legolas’ talent, which only fueled Raenor’s rage.
“What are you all standing around here for,” Raenor yelled at the elves. “You’ve got practice or studies to attend. Off with you all, or I’ll report you.” The crowd scattered, leaving me, Legolas and Raenor on the field. Raenor gave Legolas a slit-eyed stare. “You would be smart to stay out of my way as long as you are in Lothlórien … Wood elf.”
“I have no issue with you, Raenor. I doubt we shall ever meet again. But I do not like bullies, and from what I have seen, you are one. It might be none of my business what happens around here, but threaten me and I’ll be your new concern.”
“I believe it is you who has initialized a threat, and against an officer of the Lothlórien army,” Raenor challenged.
Legolas took a step towards Raenor, but I grabbed his arm and pulled him back. “We should be on our way. Forget about this, Legolas. It is not worth your breath.”
Legolas and Raenor glared at each other another moment. “Let’s go,” I demanded, breaking their slit eyed challenge. As we walked away, Legolas glanced behind him a couple times to see if Raenor was still watching him or not. I didn’t look back, though. I didn’t need the added tension from Raenor. When we were far enough away I stopped walking, and Legolas looked at me curiously.
“Have you any idea who he is?” I said angrily.
“He’s the son of an orc’s arse. I know that much.”
“He is one of the March wardens, who, by the way, you threatened … and … shot an arrow at. What were you thinking?”
Legolas looked behind us, but we were alone for now. “I don’t care who he is. No one bullies me or threatens me and doesn’t feel my repercussions.”
“Yes, and then you’ll leave Lothlórien and I’ll have to deal with his backlash.”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“Raenor is the one who tried to expose my secret, who almost succeeded in doing so, if it weren’t for Túron. You cannot confront someone like that and not expect him to react. I’ve spent a long time mending my reputation, and it’s been long enough that no one cares about everything that happened, but all it takes is one small piece of tinder and Raenor will be fanning the flames into an inferno of suspicion against me.” I was so angry I was seeing red, and stormed off towards my home. Let Legolas find his own way around the city. Someone else could help him.
“Rúmil, wait!” he called out to me. I heard him run up behind me, but I didn’t stop or turn towards him. I kept determinedly on my path. “Rúmil,” he called again. This time I stopped and spun on my heel.
“No,” I said, unable to think of anything else. He was looking at me with sympathetic eyes, wanting to apologize, but I wouldn’t let him. “You forget that things do not work the same way here as they do in Mirkwood. It’s not a game. For someone in my position to be accused of … unacceptable behavior, well, it is something that I cannot afford.” I turned my back and started walking off again.
“Where are you going?” he called.
“Home,” I answered tersely.
“I’ll come with you. Let me apologize. Let me make it up to you,” he pleaded.
“I think it’s better that you stayed in your guest quarters or with your company. You’ve raised too many flags as it is. Goodnight.” That was all I had to say to him, and I went home, lit a fire and made some tea.
Half the night was gone, and I laid in my bed, eyes wide open, thinking about the exchange at the practice field. It should never have happened, but it was Raenor who provoked Legolas into behaving as he did. And Legolas, as outspoken as he was, didn’t help matters much. I was sure it started out as a challenge. Raenor’s opinion of Legolas, and any Wood elf for that matter, would not differ much from other Lórien elves. But my actions in defense of Legolas probably sparked new suspicions. I guess I had myself to be mad at, besides Legolas. He was only defending himself and standing up for his kind. Wouldn’t I do the same thing if it was me? I should have been more sympathetic towards Legolas, instead of berating him and turning him away. I realized, though, that I’d done this before. When things felt like they were getting out of hand, or that my secret was about to be revealed, I suddenly turned against those I cared for in order to protect myself.
“It’s dangerous having Legolas here, and as much as I like being with him again, I can’t help feeling paranoid. Ai, things were so much easier in Mirkwood,” I whispered to myself in the dim candle lit room.
At that exact moment, there came a light tapping on my front door. I got up, threw on my robe and went to the door, cracking it open just a bit. Legolas stood outside, looking just as sleep deprived as myself.
“What are you doing here? I thought I told you to–”
“I know, but I needed to see you. Can I come in?”
“That might not be a wise thing right now,” I said to try and turn him away.
“I checked and rechecked the area. No one is around. The walkways are empty, and I do not think I was followed by anyone,” he explained.
“You’ll have to wait until morning, and we’ll discuss it then.” I tried to close the door, but his foot was wedged in the way.
“Please, Rúmil. I feel horrible about earlier, and I just need to speak with you. I can’t stand having you mad at me,” he begged.
I sighed loudly. “I suppose I have no choice. Stay outside my door, and you’re bound to draw someone’s attention. Fine. Come in.” I stepped out of the way and opened the door. Legolas came in and stood still, waiting to see what I would say or do. Before closing the door, I looked around, but I didn’t see any movement. It seemed Legolas was right about it being deserted. As soon as the door closed, Legolas came up from behind, his arms snaking around my waist, pulling me against his chest.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered into my neck. “I wasn’t thinking earlier. When Raenor challenged me, I didn’t take anything into consideration besides wanting to defeat him, and make him look like a fool. If I had known who he was, maybe I wouldn’t have been so aggressive towards him. If I’ve done anything to bring harm or suspicion against you–”
“It’s alright, Legolas. I think Raenor was too distracted by the fact that you outplayed him at his own game to give any consideration to anything else. I should have made it clear right away who he was. Besides, you were only standing up for yourself.”
“But I should have thought about you first, and I didn’t. I’m just not used to having to rein in my emotions or actions. The last thing I want is to cause any uncertainty between you and Raenor,” he continued, seeming quite disturbed by everything.
I turned in his arms, and searched his eyes. “And I’m not used to being so madly in love that I’m almost willing to toss it all away.”
“You don’t mean that, of course,” he said, laughing it off.
“There is a part of me that wants to scream at the top of my lungs, and tell everyone that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“I couldn’t let you do that, but I could let you quietly whisper it into my ear,” he teased. “Your secret’s safe with me.”
I ran my tongue along the edge of his ear. “You are definitely the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Legolas.”
“Prove it,” he responded, watching me with feral blue eyes.
I untied the sash at my waist and let the robe fall open, exposing my nakedness beneath. I backed away, inching my finger to make him follow, and led him to my bedroom. “I’ll prove it to you. I’ll prove it all night if I have to,” I said, smiling deviously, and we disappeared into my bedroom. It didn’t take long, and we were a tangle of legs and sheets, making love long into the night, or what was left of it.
* * * * *
I woke up the next morning, the day already underway, with Legolas’ leg draped across mine, and his arm laying over my chest. I played with a strand of his gilded hair and waited for him to wake up, but he was still lost to his slumber. I took the end of his hair, and tickled his nose with it. He batted at the air with his hand, and made a face. “What are you doing?” he asked groggily.
“I have to get up, and so do you.” I pushed his arm from my chest and he rolled over.
Legolas stretched like a luxurious cat. “I don’t want to get up,” he complained.
“I’m already taking a risk by allowing you to stay here,” I said as I went to my wardrobe and retrieved an outfit.
“It’s not as though someone will barge in on us,” he said. “I saw the lock on your door.”
I suddenly thought about that, and panic must have shown on my face. Legolas sat up and looked at me, seeing my worry. “You did lock your front door, didn’t you?” he asked.
“I … think I … did,” I stammered, trying to remember if I did or not.
That’s when I heard footsteps in the front room. Someone had come into my home looking for me. It wasn’t unusual. I left my door open most of the time, usually so Haldir or Orophin could come in, but occasionally there was a messenger who needed my immediate attention.
“Oh shit,” I cursed. “Someone’s here.”
“You didn’t lock your door?” Legolas said accusingly. “Well, who is it?”
“Rúmil, you still in bed?” came a voice from my living room.
I could hope for all hope that it was Haldir, but I knew better, and I knew my own brother’s voice. It was Orophin, and I said as much. “I’m up, but I’m not decent,” I called back, waving my hands at Legolas to get up and dressed.
“Little brother, I used to change your diaper cloths,” Orophin said cheerily from the other side of my bedroom door. “It’s nothing I’ve never seen before.”
I flew to the door, wearing only my leggings, for I hadn’t time to completely dress. Legolas was still in my bed, scrambling to untangle from the sheets. Before I could reach for the handle, it opened and Orophin came in with a smile on his face. His eyes were upon me at first, but then they swept over the room, coming to rest at the bed and its occupant. The smile faded to shock at his discovery. Legolas was sitting on the edge of my bed, the sheet draped across his lap to protect his decency and nothing more.
“What are you doing here?” I demanded sharply to bring his attention back to me.
“I was told that you wished to speak with me,” Orophin said, eyes glued to Legolas.
“I sent no message. Who told you this?”
“It … it was … Rae-Raenor,” he said incoherently. “He … said it was … urgent … and that I . . . What the fuck is going on here?”
I pushed my brother through the bedroom door and closed it behind me. He was still looking over my shoulder, trying to see. “I can explain,” I said.
“Was … was that Prince Legolas?”
“Uh … just Legolas … he … doesn’t like titles,” I said stupidly.
“Tell me what I saw was not what I saw, Rúmil. Why is the Prince of Mirkwood in your bed … naked?”
“I … uh, I … let him sleep here last night. It was late and I was … too tired to … escort him … back … to . . .” I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t lie. I had lied long enough. “Alright, yes, the Prince of Mirkwood is naked in my bed, and whatever you’re probably thinking right now is the truth.”
Orophin couldn’t look any more shocked than he did right then. “So you … and he … together?”
“Yes,” I said straight and to the point.
“But you are a Ca-Captain in the army,” he stammered.
“Yes, and I’m damn good at what I do. The fact that I enjoy male company makes me no less a warrior,” I defended.
His shock turned to concern and anger as he glanced at my closed bedroom door, as though he could see Legolas through the wood. “What did he do to you, Rúmil? Did he drug you? Poison you? Is this some kind of trickery like before?”
“You mean the incident with Túron? No, this is not a repeat of that time. Legolas and I are together because we want to be, and I … I–” Oh, how could I make him understand. Well, there was no use covering anything up anymore. “And I love him.”
Orophin stood before me, drop jawed and a blank stare. He blinked once, and then twice as if to clear his mind. “Alright, I’m going to leave and come back in because obviously I’m having a hallucination or something. This cannot be real.”
“It is real. This is me. This is how I’ve been my whole life,” I admitted.
“But it can’t be,” he said in disbelief.
“Just give me one moment to put my shirt on, and we’ll talk about this,” I said, reaching for the door handle to my bedroom.
Orophin backed away, as though there was a dangerous creature behind it. “No … no, I can’t stay. I—I have to go.
“Orophin, please–”
“I need to go. I … I can’t.” And with that, my shocked brother flew from my home. I had no idea where he was going, but I was sure he wasn’t going to report me. If anything, he would go to Haldir first, and then he would know that Haldir had known all along. I didn’t think that was a very good outcome either, but what could I do? I slowly opened my bedroom door, and found Legolas dressed and putting on his boots. He stopped and looked up when he heard me come in, and then finished with his shoes.
“I take it he doesn’t know about us,” Legolas commented.
“Orophin doesn’t know about me, let alone us,” I said, staring into the distance. I was still trying to comprehend what had just transpired.
“You’ve never told you brother?” he asked amazed.
“Not Orophin. Haldir, of course knows, but not Oro.” I rushed to the wardrobe and threw on the first shirt my hand touched. Then I hurriedly put my boots on. “I have to go. I need to speak to him.”
“Shall I come with you? Or–”
“I need you to leave,” I said rather sternly.
“Alright, but should we meet later to–”
“No. I need you to go back to your quarters or to your company or anywhere, but we need to put some distance between us.”
“What are you saying, Rúmil? Do you not wished to be seen with me?” The tone in his voice was one of hurt. I couldn’t deal with that right now.”
“Did you not see what just happened here? My brother has walked in on us. Now I must find him, and try to straighten things out before he decides to do something rash,” I chided.
“Oh, I see. That’s how things must work around here. You have no problem as long as everything seems legitimate, but as soon as suspicion strikes or fear falls upon you, you’ll abandon the one you love. Is that it?” he said angrily.
I spun around to perceive him with my eyes narrowed to slits. “This is more than suspicion. My brother just found you, naked, sitting on my bed.”
“And?” he challenged.
“And everything I’ve ever worked for is in jeopardy.”
Legolas shook his head in disgust. “Everything you’ve ever worked for has been achieved through lies and falsities.”
“How dare you!” I seethed.
“Do you think I’m not speaking the truth? Look at you. This is not who you are. As a matter of fact, I have no clue who this elf is before me, for he is not the one I met in Mirkwood, and he is certainly not the one I fell in love with. You live in the shadows. You say you do it because you are a soldier and nothing is more important to you. Well,” he said with a scowl. “I can see just how significant it is to you, so much so that you would live your life for everyone else, and not for yourself. I thought you were stronger than this. I thought that perhaps you learned something in Mirkwood, and that you might have implemented that into your life here in Lothlórien, but this is truly who you are. I should be angry, but I find myself pitying your situation too much.”
“What am I supposed to do? You think you have all the answers, but you’ve never been in my position before, and until you have been, you’ve no right to tell me who I am or am not,” I said furiously.
“I have been in your place. I’ve lived years beneath my father’s jeweled hand, always holding me down, chained to his side. But I painfully broke free of his constraints. I didn’t want to, and it took everything within me to do it. It broke my heart to defy my father, but I made my choice because I knew the day would come when I had to live for myself and not others. And you know what? I’m still here. I’m still surviving. And I am better and stronger for what I have done. You will never know what it is like to be who you really are as long as you let yourself be bound to this life. You are being strangled here. They only respect you as long as you filter your true self and show them what they want to see.”
“You cannot compare our circumstances. You are not risking your family by choosing to break away from your father. In my case, I have my brothers to think of. Anything bad put on me will reflect onto them, and we are all put in harm’s way.”
“Then leave and go somewhere where you’ll be accepted. Come to Mirkwood. There are no restrictions. You saw that for yourself,” he said with hope. “The way I see it, by staying here and restraining yourself, by hiding and sneaking around, you are always putting your brothers in harm’s way. What would happen if you just decided to leave Lothlórien? There might be some talk, but eventually it would die down, and your brothers’ careers would not be in jeopardy.”
“I cannot walk away from my home or my family,” I said. “And I don’t think Mirkwood would be a good place for me. Your father already hates me. I couldn’t live under his ever-watchful eye. It would be no better than living here.”
“So you would never consider leaving Lothlórien?” he asked.
“I couldn’t.” I shook my head in defiance.
“Not even if it meant having a life with me?”
That was it, wasn’t’ it. As long as I as lived in Lothlórien, Legolas and I could never have what we wished for. He would never come here, and I couldn’t bring myself to leave and go to Mirkwood. Had we been fooling ourselves all this time? Did we really think this would ever work out for us? I found that I could not look at him, but I answered by shaking my head slowly from side to side.
“I see,” he said after a moment of silence. “Well then, I should be on my way. I’m sure my company has wondered what has become of my presence.” He walked past me towards the door.
“Legolas–” I started, but he stopped me.
“When you decide not to hide from yourself, to once again embrace the elf I fell in love with, come to me. Until then, you have a mess to clean up here, and I will not make things any more difficult than they already are,” he said solemnly. That was the last time Legolas and I met in private.
* * * * *
I left my home, abandoning Legolas in my living room. He would find his way back to his company. I would find my brother, and try to set this disaster straight. With Legolas’ words still ringing in my head, I couldn’t concentrate on what I was going to say to Orophin. Deep in my heart, I knew he was right. It had always been this way. I was always the one conforming to everyone else’s set of rules. But it wasn’t as easy as leaving Lothlórien, as Legolas would make it seem. Maybe he could leave Mirkwood and his father for independence, but I couldn’t leave my home or my brothers just to be with him. I couldn’t be that selfish. Others depended on me, as family, as a Captain, as a member of Lothlórien society. Those things were important to me.
But wasn’t Legolas just as important? Here was the one person who understood me, and I was prepared to let him go. And for the life of me, I couldn’t see myself begging him to stay or to just be with me as I was, as my life would let us be.
I’d walked all the way to Orophin’s home, and hadn’t spent a single moment trying to think of what to say to him. Things would just have to happen on their own, and I would go into this conversation blind. I was always prepared with a way to deal with these situations, but never had I had to defend myself with my own brother. Haldir, once my secret was made known to him, was accepting because he knew what it was like. Orophin was on the other side of this matter. He was an officer, strict and law abiding. How many times did he have to confront members of his own troops, whether his finding were legitimate or not. But now he would have to weigh the options with his own brother, and I didn’t know how he would react. There was only one way to find out.
I knocked lightly on his door, partially hoping he wouldn’t be home, but the door opened slowly. To my surprise and regret, it was Haldir. So, just as I figured, Orophin called upon our oldest brother first, probably to seek advice as to how to deal with all of this. Had Haldir told him anything yet?
Haldir held the door open for me, but he didn’t say a word. I slogged into Orophin’s living room and looked around, but I didn’t see him.
“He’s in the kitchen,” Haldir informed.
“How is he?” I asked.
“Just as you think he’d be, angry, confused, shocked.”
“What have you told him so far?” I wondered.
“Well, he knows that I know. I could not keep that from him. He asked how long I’ve known.”
“And what did you tell him?” When I finally opened up to Haldir, he confessed that he’d known all along, or at least he suspected it, especially when I was younger.
“I was not specific,” Haldir said. He glanced towards the kitchen, and then bent his head to whisper to me. “I think I should confess my own secret to him.”
“What? Are you mad? You cannot do that,” I said in a raised whisper.
“I don’t know where he is in his mind about all of this, but if he feels severe actions must be taken, I cannot let you face judgment and keep my own life a secret. I just can’t. It would weigh too heavily upon my heart,” Haldir said sympathetically.
“I appreciate that, Haldir, really I do, but I won’t let you ruin your career. And besides, if things get so far that I am persecuted, you’ll be condemned as well, if only by association.” I shook my head and grasped his forearm. “Let me speak with him first before you start making hasty actions.”
I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders before going into the kitchen. I slipped in through the door, and Orophin glanced up to see who had come in. Instantly, his eyes lowered back to the cup of tea set in front of him. “Brother,” I said quietly.
“So, I’m the last to know,” Orophin said.
“Haldir only suspected for years before he confronted me. I am the one who told him to remain silent about it.”
“Do you distrust me so much that you cannot tell me?” he asked accusingly.
“I just thought it would be easier. I never meant for Haldir to find out either, but it was accidental. Look, Orophin, I never wanted either of you to know, just in case something or someone tried to use my secret against me. I know the rules, and I know that if anyone found out, I could have been asked to leave the army. It was a risk I was willing to take. To think of you and Haldir fighting to keep Lothlórien safe, and not be allowed to participate … I could not do it. I love being a warrior. I am good at being a soldier. What I choose to do in my private time has nothing to do with that.”
Orophin slid his teacup across the table, stretching his arms out, hands folded, and hunched over. “So, when all that turmoil was happening with the young soldier in your office, was it … was it true?”
I had a feeling he was going to bring that up, and it might look that way now that Orophin knew my secret. I shook my head side to side before I spoke. “It was not. I would never become involved with any soldier. I was set up by … someone from my past, as well as Raenor. I believe it was all Raenor’s doing. He promised things to this other elf, convinced him to go along with his plan. Raenor’s only goal was to use me, to expose me to get to Haldir, and to ruin our family name.”
“And now you are involved with a Wood elf, and the Prince of Mirkwood, no less. So tell me, because I don’t seem to understand. How is that keeping undetectable?”
“I had no inclination that Legolas would ever come to Lothlórien.”
“And yet, here he is,” he said with a touch of bitterness.
“I’m sorry, Oro. I never meant for you to find out like this,” I apologized.
“Apparently you never meant for me to find out at all, yet Haldir knows, and he’s probably helped you carry out your deception all these years.”
That’s when Haldir came into the kitchen, brow knitted in anger. He’d been listening to our conversation. “I was not helping him to deceive anyone. Rúmil is telling the truth when he says he never involved himself with a fellow soldier.”
“And you,” Orophin said, turning on Haldir. “You are a March warden. You of all people should know better than to let this happen. Why did you not dissuade him from choosing a soldier’s life instead of keeping his secret while you punish others for breaking the same rules that you let Rúmil escape?”
Haldir closed the distance between him and Orophin as Oro stood from the table. “I probably know better than either of you what it means to choose the army and have to make sacrifices.”
“That is no excuse. Your seniority means you should have known better and prevented it,” Orophin shot back.
“If I had stopped Rúmil from choosing a soldiering career, then I would have had to stop myself because–”
Ai, Haldir was about to confess. I couldn’t let him do that. “Because we are family, and it would have reflected negatively on all of us,” I finished saying for him. I needed to change the direction this conversation was heading. “What I want to know from you, Orophin, is … what are you going to do now? Will you turn me in? Will you force me to give up the army, giving some sad excuse as to why one of the best archers, and the Captain of the Guard decided to retire his post? You can sit here all day and bring accusations against Haldir, but what will you do? Are you willing to do what you say Haldir could not do?”
Orophin did not speak. He went to the table, placing his hands, palm down, on the top. He leaned over as though he was in deep thought. “I need some time to think about all of this, to come to terms with all that I have just learned. I can promise you this much. I will not speak of this to anyone until I’ve made my decision, and I will come to you and Haldir first.”
“You are my brother, Oro, and you have to think about it first?” I asked out of desperation. I wanted to know now, not whenever he had time to think about it.
“I am a soldier and a Captain. I have never … not once … had to cover anything up. It is my duty to uphold the laws. But I know that I also have a duty to protect my little brother, and keep him from harm.”
“And what about my feelings on this. You are playing with my heart that belongs to the army, and my soul that belongs to Legolas. There is so much more at stake besides your decision. I will give you the time you need, but just keep in mind that I am still the same elf I was before you discovered my secret. Your decision could have devastating consequences.”
Orophin nodded once, and I knew he understood what I was saying. “I’ll leave you to make your decision. Just remember that others are involved in this, and your decision could alter the fates of many, including yourself.”
I left Orophin’s home, feeling less than hopeful. I knew better than to push my brother into making the decision that would be more to my benefit than his own. I just wished that he wouldn’t take too long, and that he would make the best choice of all of us. Still, my world … my life was in his hands right now, and that was unsettling.
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Path of Honor-Part II: Far From Home