Legolas and Haldir's Most Excellent Adventure

Authors: the Gruesome Twosome (you know who we are...;))
Betas: ourselves...
Rating: S for silliness or Pg-13
Pairings: Everyone and Haldir's ass...(makes pinching motion and
kissy noises...)
Disclaimer: if we owned Bill and Ted or LOTR, we wouldn't be writing
fan fic...actually we probably would, only more of it, because we'd
be rich and have lots more free time...actually, I think we wouldn't
because if we owned it…it would be called a SEQUEL…or PREQUEL if you
are George Lucas…
Summary...: we are so making you guess...

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Chapter 14:

The door fell off the hinges…

"Great!" The Fellowship of the Booth was met with a VERY irate
Rufus. "Just great! How did you all manage to break the booth!?"

"Move out of the way fellas," Galadriel pushed her way to the front
of the quiet group. Still dressed in her red teddy, she smirked as
Rufus raised his dark eye coverings, his jaw hitting the
concrete… "Um…was there a problem?"

Getting control over his drooling, Rufus quickly averted his eyes,
only to see Grima. Needless to say, he lost whatever arousal he had…
Closing his eyes he shook the frightening image of the leopard-print
loincloth clad man from his mind. Opening his eyes he was greeted by
the sight again…

Finally regaining his senses, Rufus shoved the nine, Grima carrying a
fried and scorched Gollum in his cage, toward a strange building with
young humans hastily entering and exiting. Most were carrying books
and packs on their backs.

"It is happening now! You must get in there…today is the day that
Bill and Ted have to give their oral report in class! But since YOU
got them killed, YOU have to give it for them!" Everyone rushed
after the little man toward the classroom…all that is except for
Haldir. Rufus stopped and turned to stare him straight in the
eye. "What NOW!?"

"I-I…" Haldir stammered…

"What…"

"I have a fear of public speaking…" Haldir looked shyly at his
booted feet.

"WHAT!?" Rufus could not believe his ears. This was the bloody
Captain of the Lorien Guard, and HE had a FEAR of public speaking…
Stomping up to the nervous looking elf, he jabbed a finger in the
sylvan's face. "You…Will…GO…In…THERE…and THIS is was you will say…"
He whispered something in Haldir's ear, a look of surprise on the
elf's face.

"No!"

"Yes!"

"FINE!" Haldir stomped off toward the classroom. The others were
already in there, except for Legolas who had waited outside for his
friend.

"You okay?" The prince asked, concern in his voice.

"Yeah, Yeah…lets get this over with!" The warden waved for Legolas
to follow him in.

The others were all lined up against the chalkboard, looks of horror,
fright, or – oh for ERU'S SAKE, they were just completely freaked
out! – and the students mirrored their expressions. Several of the
male students were passed out next to their desks, others sat with
their tongues hanging out…along with the teacher.

"Alright, do it…" Rufus commanded the Fellowship.

Haldir grabbed Legolas' arm and whispered something into his ear that
made him smile. Clearing his throat the blonde elf stepped up a few
in front of the first row of desks, a grin stretching from ear to
ear, and Haldir next to him.

"I am Legolas G. Thranduilion…"

"…and I am Haldir...er...Haldir...er...Haldir!"

"…and together we are Hung like Stallyns!" Then they hummed a docile
elven tune.

Several of the girls in the back perked up, finally noticing the
group at the front of the room. One pulled out her Lord of the Rings
Fan picture with all of the Fellowship - eveyone would swear later it
was from out of her ass. She looked up at the front of the room and
squinted a bit. Suddenly her face lit up excitedly, pressure
building inside her.

"OMG!!!!!!! IT'S ORLANDO BLOOM! CRAIG PARKER! VIGGO! AND
HOBBITS!!!!" The girl squealed, much to the discomfort of all,
except for a few other girls who also started shrieking. Haldir,
Legolas, Merry, Pippin, and Aragorn all exchanged confused looks as
the girls came barreling down the aisle between the desks.

"Erm, Laddies…I think they mean you," Gimli whispered behind them.

"No," Haldir whispered in shock, watching the girls come like a deer
caught in the headlights.

"No," mimicked Legolas.

"Aiiiii!" Shrieked the hobbits and Aragorn clinging to each other.

Suddenly pushed into action by the will to live, the two elves
grabbed the hobbits and Aragorn, running for their lives out the door.

"Where are we going, Haldir," Aragorn yelled behind them. "We can't
go back to the booth till Rufus fixes it!"

Out the door they ran, stopping as they hit the side of the cemented
road with all the horseless carriages zooming past them. Looking
behind them, they saw a large crowd of more girls coming like a wave
after them…behind them ran the rest of the Fellowship, Galadriel also
having her own set of problems with the principal and several
teachers.

"COME ON! RUN!" Shouted Legolas, turning them to the left. As they
ran down the sidewalk, they put their lives on the line and ran
across the busy street. Looking down both sides of the next street,
the five guys stopped in their tracks. To the right was a strange
looking set of gates. Exiting and entering the gates were several
females wearing less than…well they weren't sure how to describe it,
but the ones who were leaving were all wet.

"Uh, guys. I say we hide in there," little Pippin squeaked, unable
to control the pitch of his voice as his hobbit-hood became very
happy. Others agreed quickly.

Back at the school, Rufus was having a hard time explaining why half
the female students were chasing five strange men to the water park,
a tall incredibly sexy woman in a red teddy, and a hideous man in a
leopard-print loincloth carrying a freaky looking iguana wearing a
diaper in a cage.