Against all odds

Chapter sixteen friends or…

Arien was slowly making way for Ithil to appear and her rays threw a soft but warm glow over the planet.

Erestor had not noticed the day passing by. And even though he had managed to figure most things out, he needed confirmation. But he had been afraid to ask it. If it was as he thought, things would change enormous and if he was wrong……well, he just didn’t think he could handle that.

He had often glanced towards Elrond, when he was sure Elrond wouldn’t notice, and he did so now as well. Even though Erestor was the one sitting in the window and therefore was the one getting the full benefits of the evening glow, the rays provided the Half-Elf with an aura, surrounding him, making him glow. For Erestor it looked as if Elrond’s head was on fire.

“Ašatalyuruš” Before he could stop it the words had left his mouth. He had heard himself say it, but he did not understand what he had just said. He covered his mouth in utter surprise.

Elrond merely looked at him. “Thank you for the compliment.”

“What did I say?”

“What did you think you said?”

“I don’t know. I hear myself speaking, but…”

Elrond smiled. “The words you spoke are Valarin, Erestor. You’ve spoken many today, here,” Elrond threw Erestor the paper he was holding, “I’ve written them all down.”

Erestor looked at the paper. It was filled with words he did not know, including the ones he had just uttered. What surprised him were the translations next to them.

Elrond saw his bafflement and approached. He did not dare to envelop his friend in another hug, so he settled for kneeling at his side. “Don’t worry, Erestor. I am sure there is a logical explanation for this.”

“An explanation, for me uttering terms of battle? You are daft.”

“Perhaps, but not today.”

Erestor smiled at Elrond. He did not wish to kill this gentle atmosphere by asking the wrong questions but they needed to be asked. “Elrond? What actually happened after I…I..”

“Killed yourself?” Elrond had seen that one coming and he would tell Erestor all; about the bond. He would not say anything about his long-lasting love. He did not want to force anything on Erestor.

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Glorfindel was getting annoyed. Where were the twins? He had wanted to check on them, but they weren’t in their beds. Two tired elves not sleeping in their beds. Glorfindel had not seen this one before and was now running back and forth to find them. Suddenly he crashed into Lindir.

“Hee, careful! Elves walking here. Oops, sorry my lord Glorfindel I had not recognized you.” Lindir hastily crawled up and straitened his clothes.

“It’s alright Lindir. I wasn’t looking where I was going. I am searching for Elladan and Elrohir, have you seen them?”

It was obvious the blond was highly annoyed. The last months were slowly getting on everybody’s nerves.

“They’re probably asleep. They’ve been up all night, preparing Imladris for the storm.”

“Lindir, you oaf, do you not think I’ve looked there already. Elrond had send them to bed this morn. But they’re not there.” Glorfindel was desperately in need of a bed himself.

“Guess they’re up then.” Lindir simply refused to let anybody’s bad temper get to him. He shrugged his shoulders and walked away. Glorfindel’s mood wasn’t his concern. He could hear Glorfindel shouting at him, urging him to stop whistling. Lindir always whistled, and always a happy tune too.

Suddenly another voice from behind made him turn in shock. He stared straight into Elladan’s smiling face. “It’s too easy to surprise you, Lindir. I wonder why Elrohir and I always picked Glorfindel to tease when we could have so easily had you.”

Lindir smiled at him. “Guess I should be thankful that you didn’t. Is there anything I can do? And aren’t you supposed to be in bed?”

“Nay, I’m just bored and wed. ed. Too much so to close my eyes. What if Erestor….” Elladan realised he couldn’t say what he really wanted to say; Elrond and Erestor wouldn’t want anyone to know, he figured, and therefore he could not tell Lindir.

“Don’t worry, Elladan, Erestor is stronger than everybody thinks, even stronger than he himself thinks. He will not attempt again.” Lindir’s voice held such conviction and warmth Elladan looked surprised.

Lindir always was a superficial friend. He was always there, aobodobody wanted him gone, but no one really made an effort to befriend the elf either. So Elladan was surprised to hear devotion and friendship.

“He tried to kill himself, Lindir. I don’t know much about what drove him, but if he tried once, he -will- try again.” It was that knowledge that made him so afraid of lo Ere Erestor to Mandos, and if that happened he would now lose his father too.

Lindir saw Elladan was trying real hard to force his tears back. He quickly approached and put his arm around the shoulders. “Don’t worry, Elladan. I don’t think he will try again. I don’t know precisely why he did it either, but I do know he didn’t do it for himself. Otherwise he would have done it long before now. Come, into the garden with you. Enjoy the beauty and sniff the air and…” “Hear the melody.”, Elladan ended, “You should change your tune once in a while Lindir.” But he let himself be led out into the gardens.

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He saw Elladan and Lindir leave. He wondered how long it would last before they realised they belonged together. Maybe something would happen soon and all this misery wouldn’t have been in vain.

Elrohir lowered himself on the ground. He wanted some comfort as well. But he could not go to Elladan. No matter what, he would not intrude when his twin was with Lindir. Even though Elladan himself did not see the mutual love, Elrohir did.

And he could not go to his father, because Elrond had to stay at Erestor’s side. And they were both too weak to handle much more. Elrohir did not wish to add to their troubles. But that left him utterly alone.

Of course, there was always Glorfindel, but the blond would just take him out riding or practise fighting with him and that was not what Elrohir needed. It would clear his mind, but only for a while.

He needed to know it was alright, that he was alright. He needed to rest as well, but sleep eluded him just as much as it did Elladan. But he had no one to go to. Never had he cared for friends or lovers, but right now he wished he had at least one friend, one real fr, a , a true friend. He longingly looked up at the sky.

Lowering his gaze he saw a lone rider approaching the house. They did not expect visitors and with the orcs close by they had to be prepared for everything. Quickly he got to his feet and set out to search for Glorfindel. Together they would check it out.

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“So we’re bonded?”

Elrond had told everything to Erestor and hearing it all had widened his eyes. He had suspected something like it, but not to this extend. In his mindgot got out all the books he had ever read that covered this subject, but he did not remember enough to know precisely what it meant.

Elrond had understood and had explained the consequences for both of them. And now that he was finished he involuntarily held his breath while he waited for Erestor to make up his mind and voice his decision.

“We’re bonded?” Erestor said for the tenth time. He had trouble believing it and moving on. But finally he did. “So I depend on you to live and you wont be able to bind to another, because we are bound?”

Elrond nodded. Speaking now would betray his hope, his love and his fear of rejection.

Erestor shook his head to clear it. Suddenly, without warning, something inside him snapped. He lashed out at Elrond. “WHY?”

Elrond was so surprised by this sudden change he pulled back. The movement made the chair fall over and he tumbled from it. Sprawled on the floor he looked at Erestor in fear. He had never seen Erestor like this. Fully erect, fists clenched at the sides, knuckles whiter than white, anger flashing from his eyes, no lr chr chocolate brown, but black from anger.

When Elrond gave no answer Erestor approached and forcefully threw the chair away. It was blocking his path. “Why did you do it?”

Elrond stood, he would not let Erestor tread him thus. His understanding went a long way, but he had to draw the line here. “Because I could not let you die.” His voice was just as firm as Erestor’s, only it wasn’t raised. Elrond kept his voice calm and low.

Erestor snorted. “You acted out of guilt. And now I have to suffer the consequences.”

Elrond wanted to deny but Erestor’s last line changed his reply. “What consequences? Do you still wish to die?” He could not keep the pain and hurt from his voice.

Hearing it Erestor unwillingly mellowed and he tried to explain. He realised Elrond deserved it. “You bound yourself to me, but you also bound me to you. Did you ever think how I would feel about that?”

Elrond hung his head. “No, Keeping you alive was all that mattered. We just couldn’t let you die. I couldn’t let you leave. There wasn’t time to think things through, Erestor, you had seen to that.”

Those words made Erestor mad. “Are you saying I brought it upon myself? I did not ask for this Elrond. Do you realise what you did to me? I can never be alone anymore. You will always be there. And I don’t want that.” He turned abruptly and faced the bathroom. “And so will they!”

Now matter how great the desire to admit defeat, Elrond continued to argue. “I can help you fight them.” Seeing no change in Erestor he knew he was losing this battle. He wondered if he had ever had a ghost of a chance. “If you wish to die, I will not stop you again.” The promise was soft and smothered by his tears. It made Erestor turn around briskly. Elrond steadied himself, expecting to get hit, Ere Erestor merely stared at him and slowly the features mellowed and became normal again.

“I would love to go to Mandos, Elrond. When I was close I felt at peace, I no longer felt stained or broken. But I can’t die anymore, can I? Not when you will follow me. I can not do that to Elladan and Elrohir.”

Elrond looked like Erestor had actually hit him in the face. He had not told Erestor about the consequences should Erestor deny this bond and die.

Erestor smiled. “I do read on occasion, Elrond.”, sarcasm dripping of his voice, which quickly turned to anger again, “I do not wish to leave my room, nor for you to move in. I want my privacy. I am happy alone. So I want you to leave as soon as I’m healed. I have no intensions of leaving Imladris, so that’s not going to cause any problems. And what you do is no concern of mine. You did this to yourself and I will not take care of the consequences.”

“And then what? Things go back to the way they were?” Elrond now placed all his hopes on that.

But Erestor thought different. “I don’t think we can. After what you did, I can’t be around you anymore. I only know hate for you now.”

Elrond sank on the floor defeated. He had lost everything. Erestor had rejected him. If only he hadn’t left Lorien so soon, things would be normal then. But they weren’t. In a couple of days Erestor would have gained enough strength to bring the necessary time together down to a few minutes a day. Minutes in which Erestor would show him his hatred. Elrond was broken. He no longer cared about hiding his feelings or keeping up appearances. He cried, hard and free.

Erestor heard it but refused himself to care. He walked into the bathroom. Another bath would help.

End chapter sixteen
TBC

Translation:

Ašatalyuruš is a combined word of two Valarin words:
ašata means "hair of head",
uruš means "fire"
the ly stands for your in Quenya. The Valarin equint int is unknown (at least to me) so I slipped in Qa aga again.
It could be taken many ways but here it means your hair glows.

Note:
I am thinking about hooking the twins with someone as well. Would you like?