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Greenleaf & Imladris 29 - Aduial: Soul of a Knight	By : MPB Category: -Multi-Age > Slash - Male/Male Views: 6313 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Chapter XVI: Majority

Artirion, Yávannië FA 189

The youngest prince of Taur Galen arrived at the secluded house of the Lord of Artirion one bright day in September. Finding no one in the main hall he wandered out to the gardens, thinking the family might be gathered there to enjoy the cool morning breeze. He nearly collided with Elladan as the other entered the house.

“Legolas!” he exclaimed. “You are early.”

“I could hardly be late for this day,” the prince pointed out.

He wondered at Elladan’s reaction. It seemed his friend was torn between happiness and anxiety at seeing him. But before he could ascertain what troubled him, voices drifted toward them from the garden. He turned his head and quickly spotted the one Elf he desired to see.

“Elrohir?” he called tentatively.

At the mention of his name, the younger twin turned in the prince’s direction and stared at him. A wide smile split his lips and he exclaimed, “Legolas!” He hurried towards the archer.

With typical warmth he swept the prince into a welcoming embrace. Legolas hugged him back, his heart beating wildly.

“I am glad you have arrived, gwador”—sworn brother—the younger twin said.

Legolas jerked back and stared at him, blue eyes clouding with frustration. “Gwador?” he repeated tightly.

Mistaking the archer’s reaction for surprise at yet another recollection, Elrohir smiled. “I remembered that we swore to be as brothers to each other,” he explained.

Legolas swallowed painfully. “That-that is wonderful,” he managed to utter. A moment later, anguish struck him with such force that he almost physically reeled from it.

“What is wrong, Legolas?” Elrohir asked worriedly when the prince paled to a sickly shade.

Elrond suddenly appeared behind them and placed a hand on his younger son’s shoulder. “Ion”—son—”go with your mother. Elladan and I need to speak with Legolas in private.”

“But, Ada—" Elrohir looked at his father in puzzlement but when Celebrían held out her hand to him, he sighed and said to Legolas, “I would speak to you about this later, Legolas.” At the archer’s nodded acquiescence, the younger twin escorted his mother into the house.

At a gesture from Elrond, Glorfindel and Erestor came over and stood by Elladan. Elrond turned to the ashen-faced prince, his eyes expressing his understanding and compassion.

“There are still gaps in his memories, Legolas,” Elrond said. “There are matters he still has not recalled even about his mother, myself or Arwen. ‘Tis only his relationship with Elladan that he knows in full. Mayhap their twinship has to do with this; the shared year in their mother’s womb easing the way for those memories.” Elrond paused, his eyes conveying heartfelt sympathy for the prince. “He still does not recall anything beyond your friendship.”

Legolas swallowed hard. “I had hoped his restoration would be completed by his coming-of-age,” he said in a subdued voice. “Does he not even remember that he once – desired me?” he queried heavily.

Elladan shook his head. “Nay, gwanur.”—kinsman. “I am sorry.”

Glorfindel placed a consoling hand on the prince’s shoulder. “But he is now of age, Legolas. You are free to court him until such time that he recalls your espousal.”

Legolas heaved a forlorn sigh. “But he knows I am bound,” he said. “He would never entertain such a move from me. And even did he not know this, I still dare not woo him.”

“Why so?” Erestor asked in surprise.

Legolas glanced sadly at the steward. “I know him well. Once he learns that I love him, he would do his utmost to try and return it that I should not be hurt. If he were to fail, he would then berate himself for not being able to meet my need.” He had accurately summed up the younger twin’s most likely reactions. “I will not do that to him. ‘Tis a terrible burden to carry the weight of such guilt and I refuse to let him bear it.”

“But, Legolas—” Elladan started to say.

“I will wait,” the prince staunchly said.

“It may be a long wait,” Elrond said gently.

Legolas’ eyes turned sorrowful. “I have already waited this long. I can be patient a little longer,” he said dolefully.

********

Elrohir’s coming-of-age was celebrated with typical restraint and ample regard for the guests’ comfort. In keeping with the younger twin’s well-known dislike for pomp and circumstance, only close kith and kin were in attendance. However, considering that said kith and kin included three Elvenkings and a host of great lords and living legends, it was not surprising that the event attracted more attention than the most elaborate coming-of-age rites in recent memory.

Legolas grinned as he watched Elrohir converse with Elladan’s twins. Though they had reached their majority decades ago, they afforded their uncle all the deference due one of far greater years than theirs. But then, of course, Elrohir’s youth was only evident in his re-born body. His eyes were another story. Over three millennia worth of experiences gleamed in those twilight pools. His body was new but his eyes, the windows of his soul, were old.

His appearance at the ceremony had elicited quite a number of gasps of appreciation encouraged further by Elladan’s presence at his side. On this shared anniversary of their begetting, the twins had dressed as mirror images of each other.

Both wore rich garments of stark black, sumptuous violet and muted mauve. Every detail was duplicated on their raiment but on contrasting sides so that when the brethren faced each other it looked as if people beheld one or the other through a mirror. Even the mithril brooches that held their formal mantles asymmetrically across their chests were pinned on opposite shoulders, Elladan’s on his left shoulder and Elrohir on the right. Not surprisingly, they had flouted tradition and instead of formal robes had opted for richly textured, court tunics and bound their sable locks into thick, single plaits. They appeared as they had been in Middle-earth. Warrior princes without peer.

With typical verve, Elrohir had chosen the occasion to reclaim his twinship with Elladan. Looking at them this evening, it was near impossible to imagine that they had ever been apart, that a whole cycle of death, rebirth and growth had come between them. They were in complete accord once more, in perfect harmony as they had been when first they’d shared their mother’s womb.

Would that he would reclaim our love as well, Legolas thought sadly. He’d looked forward to this day though the more rational part of his mind had chided him and warned him not to expect too much. Caution had dictated that he put aside his hopes and keep to sense instead. But hope had run sense into the ground, whether he willed it or not. He’d hoped, expected the twin to remember something, anything of their intimacy at the very least. But it was painfully apparent that nothing of the sort had occurred. The memories remained locked away and not even his coming-of-age had yielded the key to their retrieval thus far.

He was so lost in his pensive thoughts that he did not notice Elrohir’s approach.

“Why so melancholic?” the Elf-knight murmured. “You gave me reason to believe that you looked forward to this day. Was I wrong in my presumptions?”

Legolas blushed. So, Elrohir had noticed his previous eagerness. He’d thought he’d concealed his feelings well.

“Nay, you were not mistaken,” he demurred.

“Then why so mournful now that the day has arrived?” Elrohir persisted.

Legolas knew he had to be partially truthful at least. “I suppose I expected much on this day and not all that I had hoped for has been fulfilled,” he admitted.

Elrohir pursed his lips. “You allude to my memory,” he murmured. "'Tis the only thing still lacking.” He sighed and looked keenly at the prince. “Why do I feel as if I have failed you somehow?”

Legolas was taken aback. He had not reckoned with Elrohir’s perceptiveness and now felt shock that his beloved should think himself to blame for his sorrow. “You must not think yourself at fault in any way,” he objected. “You have never failed me in all our years together and I know you never will.”

Elrohir studied him closely. It was the same disconcerting stare that had oft reduced his foes in the past to nervous wrecks. The same astute gaze that had seen past the shields Legolas had once erected around his heart to the fears and doubts within.

“You continue to conceal something from me,” he finally said, his eyes glittering unexpectedly with hurt. “Why, Legolas? Do you no longer trust me? Am I no longer your closest friend?”

The prince flinched at his words. “You will always be my most beloved friend,” he avowed, gripping the Elf-warrior’s hand tightly. “Dearer to me than my own brothers.” At the gleam of relief and pleasure in the other’s silvered eyes, he said, “If I restrain myself, ‘tis for your sake, Elrohir. Please trust me in this, gwador.”

After a while, Elrohir let his breath out and nodded in acquiescence. Unexpectedly, he pulled Legolas into a heartfelt embrace, burying his face in the pale column of his neck. The very contact electrified every cell in the prince’s body. He had to strive hard not to turn his head and take hungry possession of the twin’s mouth. Drawing a deep, steadying breath, he returned the embrace.

Across the garden, Elladan stared at them in surprise and the beginnings of delight. But the expression on the archer’s face told him the true tale and he sighed. He locked gazes with Legolas, conveying all his sympathy and compassion in his storm blue eyes.

*********

In the next few years, Elrohir’s memory continued to improve in leaps and bounds; he was almost himself once more. But of his relationship with Legolas he still remembered little save for an unrelenting desire for the prince’s company, a desire he put down to their close friendship so abruptly cut off by his untimely passing.

One thing did provide great comfort for the archer. Elrohir continued to regard him as he once had long ago. The dearest of all those dear to him. It meant that they carried on spending many days and long hours in each other’s society. If he could not have the twin’s love as a mate, then at least he could enjoy his love as a friend.

For the most part, he managed to be content. Elrohir’s physical presence, the sight of his dear face, the sound of his melodious voice, was a balm for the prince’s wounds. But there were occasions when that same presence also afforded him pain and frustration for he could not always suppress his need for renewed intimacy with the warrior. Their binding drew him to the twin on all levels including bodily desire. But he could not approach Elrohir for assuagement of his longing.

Elladan commiserated with him over this frustrating set of circumstances. “‘Tis a pity he learned about your binding,” he said. “Had he not, you could approach him now to answer your desire.”

Legolas shook his head. “Even were he unaware of my wedded state, it would still be unmeet for me to ask this of him,” he objected. “What passed between us before was for friendship’s sake. Elrohir did not expect more from me than to meet his needs. This is different.”

“How is it different?” Elladan remarked. “He wanted you then and you yielded. Now, ‘tis you who wants him. Were it not for your binding, he would not refuse you. He holds your friendship as dearly as you do his.”

“But I would not be able to conceal my love for him,” Legolas explained. “And, as I said before, I have no intention of unduly pressuring him into returning it. You know what that could do to him.”

Unable to disagree, Elladan felt almost as glum as the archer. “Already he is sought almost as ardently as you are,” he grumbled. “What if he returns to his old ways? Would that I could spare you such pain. And I confess I fear for him as well should he remember your binding only after he has broken his vows. He will never forgive himself for hurting you so grievously, gwanur.”

“I know,” Legolas whispered.

Yet he could do nothing to stop the Elrohir from doing that which would eventually wound both of them. If he felt the need for intimacy, there was no doubt Elrohir was experiencing the same urges. Even before his majority he had already been seen to possess a roving eye and an unerring instinct for picking the most beauteous maids or the most attractive males in Eldamar.

And he had no problem whatsoever drawing their interest in turn. Indeed, there were many who had been tempted to seduce the young Elf-lord even in his minority however against custom that was. But for the watchful eye of his family, there was no telling if such an attempt might have succeeded given Elrohir’s past.

Presently, in physical appearance, Elrohir was very much alike to his form when he had passed away and that meant he was breathtakingly fair and utterly irresistible. It presented a hazard the prince profoundly disliked. For there were Edhil aplenty who had no compunctions about going after one who was already bound if circumstances eased the passage of such a transgression. Elrohir’s circumstances presented a unique and almost irresistibly tantalizing temptation to many.

The situation infuriated Legolas even more than the persistent pursuit of his own self. He was well aware that for many, it was not only the taboo against informing a re-born Edhel of his past in an untimely fashion that kept them from doing so. They simply thought it beneficial to their interests to keep the lovers apart.

Amongst these were those who continued to seek the woodland prince’s favors and the Elf-knight’s own former lovers, ellyn and ellith—male Elves and Elf-maids—alike. They had known him as Legolas had and, like the prince, had never forgotten the rapture they’d experienced in Elrohir’s arms. They were a threat to reckon with for they had the advantage of their erstwhile intimacy with the younger twin to aid them in their wooing.

As a result, Legolas was forced to put up with the attentions shown the Elf-rider and endure the latter’s appreciation of said attentions in turn. The pain that wreaked was particularly excruciating. What if he returned to his promiscuous ways? Since he knew not that he was bound, what was there to stop him from seeking pleasure in some fair maiden’s bed or mayhap with a handsome Elf?

Legolas tried to steel himself against the evil day when he would hear of some such coupling but he could not completely shut himself off from the hurt. No matter that it would be but a mere indulgence, one in a multitude in the twin’s disreputable history, the thought of his spouse sharing himself with another, no matter how shallow or fleeting, wounded him terribly. Still he could not act upon his desire to claim him here and now.

For the first time, Legolas fully comprehended why Elrohir had not declared himself at once all those centuries ago. Their deep, abiding friendship had proven the greatest hindrance of all when it came to his heart’s yearnings.

Had Legolas known of his love too soon, he would have been rendered discomforted by it. The easy trust between them would have been marred by the archer’s sure suspicions of other intentions even in the Elf-knight’s most innocent of gestures. And in the end, Elrohir’s love had indeed proven more daunting to the prince than his desire. Legolas had not forsaken the Elf-knight even in the wakes of their intermittent couplings down through the centuries. But he had nearly done so when love reared its overwhelming, frightening head.

That they had lain together as lovers and managed to maintain their close friendship was as much to Elrohir’s credit as it was to Legolas. True, the prince had treasured their comradeship so dearly that he had willingly yielded than lose his dearest of all friends. But Elrohir had known the reason behind Legolas’ willingness and had inhibited himself from expressing his love for close to two thousand years. In effect, he had readily sacrificed his heart’s well-being for the sake of Legolas’ peace of mind and made a brutal choice in the process.

He placed Legolas first, foregoing the bliss of his heart’s fulfillment if by doing so he could keep their friendship intact, knowing how greatly the archer depended on it and him. When he had dared to finally reveal the truth, he had taken the greatest risk of all. And when it had seemed all was in vain, he had chosen once more to put Legolas first and let him go.

It was this unflinching resolve that had convinced Legolas to unshield his heart and offer it to the Elf-knight. That Elrohir should love him so deeply that he would always put his welfare, his avowed wishes and, above all, his happiness above his own even if he would perforce pay the ultimate price, had at last dissolved the archer’s reservations and allayed his fears. He had reaped the rewards of his surrender most bounteously. He had known naught but joy and contentment in Elrohir’s tender keeping.

Legolas could do no less than repay Elrohir in kind now. He would not mar the young Elf’s trust in him. He would not have Elrohir believe that his affectionate demeanor had stemmed from motives other than the pure love of a friend. He could not burden his beloved Twilight with the knowledge of their oaths when the other was in no position to keep them.

As Elrohir had once put his interests first, so now would he do the same for Elrohir. Even if it broke his heart and scarred his very soul.

****************

Glossary:

Yávannië - Quenya for September

Ada - Papa

Edhil, Edhel - Elves, Elf

To be continued…
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- 18
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Greenleaf & Imladris 29 - Aduial: Soul of a Knight