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Love's Redemption	By : mthorsta Category: -Multi-Age > Het - Male/Female Views: 7108 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 18
- 19
- 20
Chapter 17 - No Fate but What We Make
   Faramir trudged back to his quarters with an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach and his heart and mind burdened with guilt. The only thing that was positive in this whole situation was the fact that no one outside of those who knew Turgon questioned why he was found among the soldiers. All were focused on the attack itself. As long as people continued to do so, Faramir�s secret would be safe, but the fear of the subject being brought to light was always in the back of his mind. To those who knew Turgon, Legolas firstly, Faramir�s explanation was simply that he did not know the reason. It would become his mantra and he would take his secret to his grave. No one could know what he had done, not even Eowyn. It was a heavy price to pay for wanting nothing more than to help a friend.
~~~~~~
   Legolas wanted to find Jordan and say goodbye before he left with the scouting party in the morning. If she had gotten word of the attack, there�s only one place she would have gone - the Houses of Healing. He wandered around the rooms until finally he was approached by Astrid.

   �Are you in need of assistance, master Elf?�

   �I am looking for a woman named Jordan. She is a healer. I thought she might have come by here to help. Have you heard of her?�

   �Jordan? Hmm.� She thought for a moment. �Ahh, yes! She went that way, out into the garden.� She replied, pointing to the doors.

   �Thank you, good woman.�
   Legolas glanced around the garden, finally spotting Jordan sitting on a bench in a secluded corner. He walked over and sat down beside her.

   �Hello. I thought I might find you here.�

   Her eyes were red-rimmed from crying and she tried to avoid looking him in the eyes; looking down at the ground instead so he would not notice.

   �Turgon is dead.�

   �I know.� He said softly.

   Legolas noticed that she was clutching a square object to her chest. �What is this?� He asked, tapping on it.

   She made eye contact with him briefly and wordlessly handed him the book. He ran his hand over the worn leather on the cover, turned it over, and looked at the blank spine. He set it on his lap and opened it to a random page in the middle. It was in D�ni. His heart sank.

   �This is the linking book.� He said bleaky, his voice barely above a whisper.

   �Yes.� She responded flatly.

   He closed it but did not hand it back to her; he kept it in his lap.

   �You said it was not in the archives. Where did you find it, then?�

   �It was among Turgon�s belongings.�

   �Turgon!? How did he come by your book?�

   �I don�t know. I don�t understand it. He did say he would keep his eye out for it, but��

   �He knew about the linking book?�

   �Yes, I told him. I told him about where I came from; I had to. What other explanation would I give for not knowing anything about Middle Earth?� Jordan gasped. �You don�t think he was going to keep it do you? Maybe try it out for himself?�

   �We will never know his intentions for certain but Turgon was an honorable man. I would like to believe he was delivering it to you.�

   She didn�t know what was worse - the thought that Turgon could have possibly betrayed her or the possibility that he died while trying to help her.
   Legolas turned his attention back to the linking book and opened the front cover. He flipped past the first blank page and there before his eyes was the linking panel she had described to him. It showed a city he could have never imagined - a city on an island of towering rock spires. Dwellings and tall buildings stood among the rocks; some carved right from the rock itself. He noticed parallels between the D�ni city and Minas Tirith. It was circular in shape because of the island it occupied; making use of the stone it was built into, and had many levels rising upward to a great height; except whereas Minas Tirith was light, the D�ni city was dark. It was almost a negative image of Minas Tirith. It was so life-like, he felt compelled to touch it. He brought his hand over the image; his fingertips hovering dangerously close to it. Jordan grabbed his wrist and jerked his hand away.

   �Don�t touch it!� She hissed.

   �Does it work?�

   �There is no distortion in the image so, yes, theoretically, the link is operational.�

   There was an awkward lull in the conversation as Jordan could not think of anything further to say and continued to stare at the ground.

   �I understand Turgon�s passing may be hard for you, but is there something else troubling you? You seem apprehensive,� Legolas paused to consider his words and then continued tentatively, �as if there is something you wish to tell me, but are afraid to.�
   Jordan was silent for so long, Legolas knew he suspected correctly otherwise she would have spoken up immediately to the contrary. She finally spoke again, but her voice sounded strained and distant.

   �It was my father�s wish that I come here. He thought I would be safe among the Elves. I was grieving, confused; I wanted to respect his wishes. I knew the risks. I knew there was a chance I may never be able to return home, but now I know I can. I made a mistake, Legolas. Our cultures; our customs are just too different. I do not belong here.�
   She did not come right out and say she was leaving but Legolas knew that was her intent. He stood up and faced her, still holding the book, almost as if to keep it away from her. Determinedly, he said, �No. You belong in Middle Earth. It is the will of the Valar. Long have I prayed that they would bestow their grace upon me; that I might find someone to share my life with. They have answered my pleas. It was not by accident that I found you in the forest. They foresaw your coming and guided me to you. It was our destiny to be together, fated by the Valar for only they are capable of such.�

   Tears stung her eyes threatening to spill over but she blinked them away.

   �What are you saying Legolas? You wanted to get married and these Valar just decided that I�m the one?�

   �Not quite. They simply brought us together and made it possible for us to develop a connection. What happens after that is in fate�s hands, but finding a marriage partner is my foremost desire, yes.�

   �I don�t believe in fate.�

   �It matters not.�

   �You make it sound like I have no choice in the matter.�

   �Of course you have a choice. We are all creatures of free will. But why would you turn your back on destiny? You do not have to be alone any longer. We could have a happy and fulfilling life together.�

   �But I am a mortal.� She protested, holding her hands out as if it were written on her skin. �My coming and passing is no more than the blink of an eye in your immortal existence. We are too different, you and I. It wouldn�t work. There are things about me that you wouldn�t understand. There are just too many things wrongs to make it right.�

   Legolas was not about to be deterred. �I am immortal, yes, but therein lies our only difference! We breathe, we feel, we cry, we laugh, we love - just as you!�

   Jordan stood up to match his level. �You speak of destiny. What of your destiny? If what you say is true, then the Valar have doomed you to an eternity of heartbreak and grief after I have passed on, and you�re just going to accept that?�

   Their argument was quickly becoming a yelling match as emotions ran high.

   �I know very well what the outcome would be of such a union and, yes, I accept it!� He spat. �This is what they deemed would be my fate and I do not question their actions!�

   �Then the Valar are cruel to have resigned you to such a fate!� She spat back.
   Her words silenced him and he stared at her in disbelief. He felt as if his very fe� had been ripped asunder. This was not how it was supposed to happen. Could it be that he made a grievous error in judgment and she was not the one the Valar had chosen to send him? He had seen the signs to confirm it, but more so, he felt it in his heart. How could he have been so wrong? As a defense against the hurt and anger he felt, he became hardhearted and stubborn. If this was her choice, if she did not want him, then who was he to convince her otherwise?

   �I have done my part.� He thought obstinately. �I was willing to accept this gift that the Valar have offered most graciously, it is she who refuses! I can do no more.� His expression changed to one of indifference. Very calmly he set the linking book back down on the bench.

   �Then I imagine we will not see each other again. Tomorrow at dawn, I depart with the scouting party to hunt the Orcs. I wish you well and hope that you have a safe journey. Goodbye, Jordan.� He said impassively and walked away.

   He left her there in the garden and she wept. Legolas paused when he heard the sound of her weeping, as he was not quite so far off that his Elven ears couldn�t hear, and it tore at him; but he could not go back. This was her doing. She was the one who played with his affections and then turned her back on him.
   Legolas returned to his quarters and hastily poured some wine into a goblet; his shaking hands causing drops of the red liquid to spatter onto the stone floor. He set the goblet down and looked at his hands. Not once had he ever so much as flinched in battle but yet here he stood trembling and he prayed for Eru to guide him. It was not like him to have such emotional outbursts; first at the delegate�s dinner and now tonight in the garden. He couldn�t understand what was happening to him. Retiring to the balcony, he sat and looked out over the city, his anger and stubbornness dissolving into despair. She was leaving and there was nothing he could do to prevent it. He did not feel within the world but rather outside of it looking on; trapped in his own private world of suffering.
~~~~~~
   The culmination of events was too much for her and Jordan collapsed onto the stone bench, holding herself and rocking. It was the cold, uncaring manner in which he said goodbye that hurt her the most. But she deserved it. She had done to him exactly what had been done to her years ago - she deceived him; played him. The only difference was her offense was not intentional but it hurt Legolas just the same.
   Jordan felt a hand on her shoulder from behind though she had not heard anyone approach.

   �My child, why do you weep?� An ethereal female voice spoke to her. Something about it was vaguely familiar, like in a dream perhaps. The woman came around the bench and knelt in front of her. Jordan raised her head and looked into the face of one of the most beautiful beings she had ever seen. She wore a dark grey velvet cloak. The hood loosely covered her head and ringlets of shimmering white-blond hair spilled out from either side, cascading to her waist. She had eyes of silver rimmed with long, dark lashes and her face shone like the sun.

   �Who are you?� Jordan asked in a small, sob-wracked voice. She felt vulnerable and child-like in the presence of this stranger, but yet at the same time, oddly comforted.

   She took off her hood revealing the rest of her platinum hair.

   �I am called Est�.�

   Est� picked up the book sitting on the bench next to Jordan and set it aside. There was a brief flash of white light from Est�s hand when she touched the book, but Jordan was so distraught, she took no notice. She sat down next to Jordan, put her arm around her and pulled her close like a mother would a child. In Jordan�s world, it would have been practically unheard of for a stranger to reach out to someone on such a physical level but for some reason Jordan did not think it strange. It just felt natural to take comfort in this woman�s embrace.
   Est� held her for a long time and waited patiently for her crying to subside. Jordan finally sat up, sniffed, and wiped her eyes.

   �Now tell me what has happened to cause an outpouring such as this.�

   Est�s voice had a musical sound to it, and no matter what she said, her tone was always soft and gentle.

   Jordan hesitated; feeling somewhat self-conscious of bearing her faults to this stranger.

   �I hurt someone I care about.�

   �I see.� Est� said. �If you care about them, why did you hurt them?�

   �I didn�t want to. It�s�well, it�s complicated. I wanted to prevent him from making a mistake.� She sniffed miserably.

   Est� produced a handkerchief of fine white cloth with silver stitching around the edges from inside her cloak and handed it to Jordan so she could dry her eyes.

   �Affairs of the heart often are. What sort of mistake?�

   �Falling in love with me. He believes that we are destined by some divine designation to be together and it�s blinding him from the truth.�

   �What truth is that?�

   �That a relationship between us is just�just�not possible!� She struggled to find the right words. We are too different. Not to mention there are things about me, things in my past that if he knew, he would not want me anyway. So, I am leaving. I am going back to my�uh, homeland. He has no choice now but to find someone else; someone more like himself. I am giving him a chance for a happier life. One day he will look back and realize that it was for the best.� She ended sadly.

   �You do not sound very convincing. I do not believe that is what you really want.�

   Jordan began to sob again and covered her face with her hands. �No, it�s not, but it does not matter. That�s the way it has to be. I just want him to be happy.�

   �And what of your own happiness?�

   Jordan sniffed and wiped her eyes with the handkerchief. �I don�t know. It doesn�t seem to matter much anymore.� She said miserably.

   �It seems a noble sacrifice, does it not? To put others before yourself? But what if, perchance, it is destined as this person you speak of says? If you are his true soul mate and he yours, neither of you will find satisfaction with another and you will walk the ages desolate and alone. It is much to risk.�

   �I don�t believe in destiny.� She replied sourly.

   Est� laughed softly. �But my child, destiny believes in you.� She touched the tip of Jordan�s nose gently. �You are stronger than you realize; more capable than you know. You were meant to become something greater than you are now. You still have a part to play in this story to which the ending has not yet been written. Give of yourself and take that which is given to you and where you were once half, you will become whole.�

   �I don�t understand.�

   �In time, young one�you will.� Est� stood up and faced Jordan. �I regret that my time here is very short. I must go now, but remember this: Of all the gifts bestowed upon the Firstborn, the greatest was the ability to love transcending all boundaries. Trust in that.� She placed a kiss on the top of Jordan�s head and left in the same direction she had come.

   �Est�, wait!� She called out. �Who are the�� She quickly stood up and turned around to catch her before she left. ��Firstborn?�

   Her last word lingered on the still air. There was no one to hear it. Est� was gone. Jordan walked a few steps and looked around the garden. There was no sign of the lady who came to offer comfort and strange words of wisdom.

   Odd. Where could she have gone so quickly?

   �The firstborn� she repeated. Was Est� referring to her? Then she vaguely remembered Legolas referring to the Elves as the firstborn. Did Est� know Legolas was an Elf? How could she possibly know that? She hadn�t even given her his name. The whole encounter left her a bit disconcerted. What strange things for someone to say.
   Jordan sat back down again on the stone bench, picked up the linking book, and set it on her lap. Fragments of Est�s speech echoed in her head. What if it is destined�If you are his true soul mate�You still have a part to play�Love transcending all boundaries�You will become whole. Whole? Never did she feel so divided. Her decision would affect not only her future, but Legolas� as well and she was so afraid of making the wrong one. One touch on the linking panel would seal their fates for better or for worse. There was no turning back. She knew the reasons she should leave and if that was her decision, she should do it now. But what if by some small chance - and she couldn�t believe she was considering this - Est� was right? What if by leaving she took with her all chance of happiness for Legolas�and herself? She opened the book to look at the linking panel while she weighed her options. To her utter shock, the image was now heavily distorted with static. The link somehow had been broken.

   �No!� She cried.

   She slammed the book shut and shook it, although she didn�t know how it would help. She opened it back up and the result was the same - the image was distorted. She closed her eyes and took a few shaky breaths. She was certain the link had been stable earlier this evening. She had watched Legolas as he handled the book. He certainly had done nothing to destroy the link. Had fate really intervened or was this just an odd coincidence?
   Jordan began to tremble all over and her heart was racing. She gasped for air, unable to catch her breath; panic was setting in. Even after she failed to find the book in the archives, she still had hope that it might turn up elsewhere, but now she knew, with absolute certainty, that there would be no going back - ever. She would have to accept that Middle Earth was her home now. She was so tired and with her stress level pushed to its limit, she was having a hard time focusing her thoughts. She had always firmly believed that her destiny was her own; that her path in life was determined by the choices she made, not by some unseen force she had no control over, but the evidence that this was no mere coincidence was too compelling. The more she thought about it, the more plausible it seemed that someone or something orchestrated these events preventing her from leaving, and if that was true, it meant that she had been wrong. She felt her grip on those beliefs, the very foundation on which she built her life, slipping away. She had never felt so utterly helpless and so unsure of herself.
She sat in the garden for a long time and thought about the last few years of her life, most of which were spent unhappy. There had to be something she was doing wrong. Her failed relationship with Christian had really affected her and afterwards she vowed never to let anyone hurt her again. The only way to ensure that was controlling her environment and the people in it. She started out small; being a little more particular about the choices she made; being somewhat cautious about people she associated with. To Jordan, it was smart and it made sense, but she let it consume her life. She was always one step ahead; analyzing the situation, speculating people�s intentions. If she saw a situation where her control could be threatened, she avoided it. If she thought someone�s actions might hurt her, intentionally or not, she pushed them away. The few people she did let into her life, she treated as if they needed saving from themselves. She felt she had to protect them from getting hurt or making a mistake with their life, so that what had been done to her did not happen to them. It was a heavy burden feeling responsible for other�s lives, but if she did nothing, she felt somehow that it would seem like didn�t care enough about them. Her intentions were good, but underneath, it was just another form of control and eventually people tired of it and faded from her life. The only thing she really succeeded in doing was creating a carefully constructed world to which she was a prisoner of, and in time, would become its only inhabitant because eventually she would have to push everyone away.
   It was her that had been blinded. She finally realized that whether by fate or by chance, there were many things in life that could not be controlled. People could not be controlled - not their actions or thoughts, not even their decisions. It had been foolish of her to think that they could. She had tried to make Legolas� decision for him because she could not stand to know that he would suffer greatly as a result of that decision. But it was not up to her to protect him. He was not a child that needed guidance. He was a rational, intelligent being with more than two millennia worth of life experience and he was by no means blind to any situation. Stubborn and deeply rooted in his convictions, perhaps, but not blind.
   Then she did something she never thought she would be able to do - she let go. Let go of the white-knuckled grip on her life, the need to control even that which was beyond her control, she let go of the fear of being hurt - and it was such a relief. No longer did she have to keep a constant vigil on her life or feel like she had failed when something she thought she could control went wrong. No longer did she feel the burden of trying to change or fix people. Their mistakes could be their own and it did not mean that she didn�t care about them. She could still worry about them and feel badly when they were hurt, but she didn�t have to feel responsible for the decisions they made.
   The fa�ade she had created finally came crashing down and she saw the world with new eyes. She knew Legolas cared for her and she cared for him as well. She would tell him everything about her past; lay it all out on the table. If Legolas was willing to accept her and it was his desire to sacrifice his happiness for the remainder of eternity so that they may be together, then so be it, but she needed to talk to him right away. The last words they spoke to each other were out of anger. She couldn�t let him leave without telling him how she felt and how sorry she was for hurting him and pushing him away. What if something happened to him and she never got the chance? She would search the city for him; wake him up if he was sleeping, whatever she had to do.

   Physically and mentally exhausted, Jordan trudged back to her quarters through the quiet, empty streets. It was a difficult walk though it wasn�t very far. She had to force herself to keep moving. Once inside, she tossed the now useless linking book on the seat of the chair. She stopped beside the bed, her heavy eyelids slowly lowering, practically falling asleep on her feet.

   �I�m so tired�so tired�Maybe I�ll just rest for a bit. Just for a little. Then I will go find Legolas.� She thought.

She collapsed onto the bed and fell asleep, still fully clothed, and clutching the white handkerchief Est� had given her.
~~~~~~
   From the balcony, Legolas heard someone entering Jordan�s quarters. He listened closely. The sound of Jordan�s footsteps was unmistakable. What was she still doing here? Had she decided not to leave? A part of him wanted to rush in and find out if she had changed her mind. How foolish would he feel, though, only to discover she had simply delayed her journey until tomorrow? And so, he held back.
   He waited until he heard the change in her breathing, ensuring she was deep in sleep, and then silently slipped into her room to check on her. She was lying face down on the bed on top of the coverlet still in her gown and shoes. He could not help but take pity on her as distraught as she must have been to lay herself down in such a manner. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath; overwhelmed by a sense of profound sadness. Why was this so difficult? Why couldn�t he just let her go? That was what she wanted, right? It was because he knew he could not endure a life without her. It was because he loved Jordan with all of his heart. As he watched her sleeping, the meaning of Aragorn�s words rang true and he knew; from the moment he first looked upon her until now, never did there exist a time when he had not.
   To have gained this new insight still was of no comfort to him. It changed nothing. He was leaving in the morning and it could be weeks before he returned to the city. She could be long gone by then. He could only hope that by some miracle, she would wait until he returned.
   He slipped her shoes off and covered her gently with the throw that lay at the foot of the bed. Her head was turned to the side; hair tumbling over her face. He brushed the hair aside and carefully tucked the strands behind her ear. It was then he noticed the piece of cloth she clutched in her hand. It struck his curiosity so he extracted it delicately from her fingers to take a closer look. The fabric looked and felt like the finest quality of linen and there was silver stitching along the edges. He ran his finger over the stitching. He was astonished to discover it was sewn not with thread but mithril filament. To his knowledge, neither the elves nor the dwarves possessed the capability to produce this fine of strand. He took the cloth back to his quarters to study it in the light. The mithril filament was soft and pliable like cloth thread; it did not possess the properties of a metal - retaining the position it was bent into. The candlelight reflected off the mithril like it would fine silver. As he studied the embroidery, he started to see that it was not just decorative in nature; it formed letters. There were words that ran the entire length of the edges. It looked like a form of Elvish but was neither identifiable as Quenya nor Sindarin and upon further examination, Legolas found he could interpret none of the words.
   If given the chance, he would inquire about its origins, but for now, he went back to her quarters, and carefully tucked the cloth back into her hand. She stirred slightly at his touch but did not awaken. He watched her for a while longer; he couldn�t bear to leave.

   �I love you, Jordan.� He whispered softly to her. It was the first time he had ever uttered those words to anyone other than a member of his family.
   He replayed their argument over and over in his head and realized what a fool he had been. He had spoke of fate, destiny, but not of love. How could he expect her to agree to a union without love? What he offered sounded more like a business arrangement than a romance. But how could he speak of that which he did not know? Maybe love would have made all the difference but it was too late now. He reached out his hand tentatively, wanting to touch her but did not dare to disturb her sleep and alert her to his presence. Instead, he made the motion of caressing her cheek, slow and lingering, his hand hovering over her skin but not touching.
   Legolas knew the hour was late. He needed to get some rest before setting out with the scouting party.

   �Goodbye, my love.� He whispered and reluctantly returned to his quarters by way of the balcony. He stripped off his travel-worn clothing, climbed into bed, and drifted off to sleep hoping to dream of happier times.
~~~~~~
   Just before dawn, Faramir slipped out of bed quietly so as not to wake Eowyn. Try as he might, she woke anyway. He heard her soft voice from their bed.

   �Is it time for you to depart already? The night is not yet over.�

   �It is nearly dawn. I am sorry my love, I tried not to wake you.�

   Faramir came and sat down on the edge of the bed.

   �I was already awake, so restless was your sleeping.� Eowyn said.

   He picked up her hand and kissed it but said nothing. Eowyn sat up and rubbed his back.

   �Is there something troubling you, Faramir?�

   He looked at her and smiled. �No, my love. There is nothing troubling me.� He said quietly. He did his best to hide the truth but his eyes belied his words.

   �Are you worried about the scouting mission?�

   �Not at all. We will be fine.� He answered and decidedly changed the subject. �What about you? Are you still feeling ill?�

   �I am better now, I think. We will see as the day wears on.�

   His expression turned serious. �I want you to go see the healers right away if you feel ill again. Promise me you will?�

   �I promise. I am certain all will be well. Do not worry. Just focus on your duty and come home.�

   Faramir hugged her and pressed his lips to her forehead, kissing it gently.

   �For you, my love, I will do anything. Is it safe to share our joyous news yet?�

   Eowyn grinned. �You just cannot wait to tell someone, can you?�

   �I am going to be a father!� He jumped up, flinging his arms out wide. �I want the entire city to know!�

   She laughed at his antics. �I think we should keep it to ourselves a little longer. It is still early on.�

   �Alright.� He said. He lifted her up, wrapped his arms around her, and pressed his forehead to hers. �I must go. They will be waiting for me.�

   Sighing, she said, �Promise me you will come back safely.�

   �I promise.�

   Faramir strapped his sword to his belt, gathered up his effects, and hurried out the door.
~~~~~~
   Mordren, Eomer, Legolas, and Firindor all waited at the Great Gate anxiously for the arrival of Faramir, so they could be on their way. Firindor paced nervously. He was the final addition to the scouting party as he knew the location of the attack firsthand. Eomer sat on the ground, with his back resting against the wall, Mordren rechecked his supplies, and Legolas simply stood at attention, waiting, trying to keep his mind focused on the task at hand. Since their main objective was only to track the Orcs, not engage them in battle, they would set out on foot. It would take them longer to cover the distance, but by using stealth and cunning, there stood a better chance of success. The clamor of horses would only alert the enemy. They were expecting to find a sizeable army of Orcs, however, if they came across a small assemblage, they had leave to kill.
   Faramir finally arrived abound with nervous energy, eager to get underway.

   �You are late.� Mordren said to Faramir disapprovingly.

   �A minor delay - forgive me.�

   Mordren dismissed it and addressed the group now gathered around him.

   �Our starting point will be where the attack took place. Hopefully, from there we can pick up their trail. I hope you all packed lightly. We must travel quickly if we hope to catch up with them and no one can afford to be burdened with extra weight.� He reached into a sack and tossed each person a bundle wrapped in cloth and tied with twine. �King Elessar has seen fit to provide us with some rations. Use them sparingly. We may find sustenance in the wilderness as elusive as the Orcs.�

   Mordren signaled to the guards who then parted the gates just a sliver, and the scouting party went forth from the city.
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Love's Redemption