The Curse | By : Cassandra_Baudrillard Category: Lord of the Rings Movies > Slash - Male/Male Views: 13862 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1 |
Disclaimer: I do not own the LOTR fandom/novels/books or anything a part of that, I do claim ownershop to the wickedness of my own mind, I don't make any profit with this story |
A/N: Omg! I'm so sorry for the wait, I thought I'd put this up already, but I think I forgot to enter the title in which case the story 'seems' to go through but really doesn't!
@AtoreySKane: Glad that the chapter pleased you... there'll be some more bumps in the road, and Haldir... well Haldir's got his reasons... I hope you enjoy the new chapter!
Chapter 19: The solution
Legolas’ self-loathing thoughts and desperation killed Haldir. He did his best to assure Legolas, to steer his thoughts away from the darkness, but it was hard with the knowledge he couldn’t let Legolas know it was truly him he heard.
Legolas couldn’t know. If he defied another order… Lord Celeborn was very clear.
Haldir couldn’t accept such dishonor; if he did Legolas would effectively not want to be with him ever again.
He had no choice but to accept the terms… But he’d have to be more careful with their sexual encounters, ensure the timing was always perfect.
The worry over the prince always remained, every minute of the day.
It wasn’t that the death of the prince would cause his own that worried him, it was that Legolas would be alone through it, it was the cause that might drive Legolas to such a thing that scared him.
The prince had been released from the healing wing and had taken up the room next to Glorfindel’s quite contently. Every now and then he’d imagine Haldir’s voice, whispering to him. Words of love, affection, strength and admiration.
Of course he knew the thoughts were just things he wanted to hear, thoughts his mind conjured up in an attempt to ease his own miserable thoughts that were a greater truth.
Whatever the source, they helped, they made him want to hold on.
A few days later after being released from the healing wing, Legolas began training with Glorfindel.
Intense, brutal and merciless Legolas was always exhausted by the end of them but that never stopped him from giving his all.
The intense moments of training were compensated by long lessons of history, laws and traditions, as well as learning how to read or write.
It was something Legolas had been able to keep hidden, but Lord Erestor couldn’t be fooled by the stories Legolas recounted to appear to be reading.
Three months later, Legolas was proud to say he could read and write and did so by writing a letter to his father, proclaiming pride and happiness over the chances he was now given, in becoming the son his father would be proud of.
The letter was answered and came to him but a few weeks later, telling him his father was proud of him , too, and that he was looking forward to his son coming home.
Another letter was written to Haldir, speaking of affection, of how he missed the Marchwarden.
That letter went unanswered.
To Legolas it held unspoken meaning; clearly Haldir didn’t wish to hear from him.
It was as he had expected; the Marchwarden had realized that Legolas wasn’t worth his time.
/I’m happy he’s forgotten me. Haldir deserves better than a used slut/
The words were heavy and harsh but they didn’t keep Legolas from thinking them. Still that voice that had become like a second nature to him spoke up /I could never forget you, poikaer. I want no one but you and you are not a slut. Never have been, never will be. You are beautiful/
Those last words were ones his mind conjured up a lot; You are beautiful. Perhaps if he told himself often enough he’d start believing it?
The proud Marchwarden felt his heart shatter at the thought that Legolas believed he had forgotten. The letter he’d received was so sweet he had been halfway to the borders of Lothlorien when lord Celeborn had stopped him ‘You forget your place, Haldir. Return to the city and leave him be, you have no business with a future King’
Lord Celeborn was right. It was a thought he'd often had himself; what would a King do with a Marchwarden?
More than that, Lord Celeborn had been very clear; if he went against his given orders he'd be exiled, disgraced.
Whatever small fragment of hope he did have over this being possible would've gone entirely.
The solitude and deprivation of his love was eating at his very soul, Orophin had even remarked he looked ghostly. He wouldn’t fade. He wouldn’t die. He had no choice. He couldn’t cause the prince’s death and so he pushed on despite the ache deep within the core of his very being.
Elladan watched Legolas as he sparred with Glorfindel with a sense of pride. His sweet prince had done so well in his trainings that he could almost match Glorfindel in battle.
Almost, for no one was quite as good as the famous Balrog slayer.
Still the prince’s talent was remarkable considering how recently he’d begun his training, it far surpassed any of the soldiers present.
Like a beautiful storm the prince used rapid motions that followed one another in a fluid succession.
Elladan sighed in desperate yearning.
Legolas hadn’t spoken to him since ‘the incident’ and Elladan had been too hesitant to approach the prince to attempt to force conversation himself.
Today he couldn’t seem to help himself as his feet moved him to the sparring couple, “Mind if I…?”
Legolas froze and Glorfindel didn’t respond but by directing his gaze to the price, leaving the decision up to him.
Legolas nodded his acceptance reluctantly and the Balrog slayer backed off, offering his sword to Elladan who accepted it with a light bow of the head, “Take it from the start. Elladan, you charge, Legolas, you block”
A nod came from the two Elves before they started their match.
Wherever and whenever Elladan moved the prince moved with him, his every move was blocked and countered until the both stood panting.
Elladan attempted a last attack, accidently striking Legolas’ hand with the hilt causing the prince to drop one of his knives as he clutched his finger.
Elladan paused in worry, as Legolas held up his hand for Elladan to see the damage.
His brow furrowed as he couldn’t find any sign of a wound, then gasped as Legolas whacked him upside the head with a playful laugh.
The prince of Mirkwood laughed, airily and light, causing Elladan to chuckle even as he wrestled the prince to the floor –failing at that, too, as Legolas bested him and wound up on top.
Glorfindel had departed from the scene somewhere amidst it all, but neither elf seemed to care, caught between laughter before the situation caught up with them and Legolas seemed to remember he was supposed to be angry with the Half-Elf.
That anger was difficult to hang unto however as Elladan smiled at him, “I’m amazed at your ability to fight… You’re among the best warriors out there, my sweet prince”
A blush tinged his cheeks but still Legolas whispered softly, “Flattery will get you nowhere”
A charming grin appeared on Elladan’s face as he returned the whisper, “That’s alright… I’m fine right here”
Another blush came to Legolas’ cheeks even as Elladan leaned up and gently cupped his face before lightly kissing his lips, “I’m sorry I ever hurt you my sweet prince.”
There was a light smile on his lips before Legolas returned a light kiss, “It’s alright….It’s forgiven”
Elladan smiled, claiming the prince’s lips again, “Thank you”
Yet, even as the Half-Elf thanked him Legolas wasn't sure whether that had been the truth. He wanted to forgive Elladan, wanted to forget what had happened to put him in such a bad place, but he couldn't see past Elladan's betrayal.
Whenever he saw the dark-haired Elf Legolas found himself reminded of the disbelieve and rejection he'd seen in Elladan's eyes that morning.
Even as the two abandoned the training field, Elladan didn’t stop showing his gratitude with light smiles, gentle touches and occasional kisses until Legolas had to tell him ‘enough’
/How is this possible? I know Haldir doesn’t want for me anymore… but my heart… my heart still wants him…and yet I want him, Elladan, I want him… I cannot help it. Is this normal? Am I sick?/
Haldir sighed softly as he heard the thoughts in his mind as though they were his own. It was tiresome, frustrating. /I do want you, poikaer, but more than that I want for your happiness and that cannot be with me. Elladan … he is a good match for you. If he makes you happy…Be with him. I will understand that…Pursue your happiness and I will be content/
It was only half true, but the half lie would have to do to assure Legolas. To steer him in the direction the world wanted him to go.
Legolas bit his lip even as he looked at Elladan before he spoke, “I want to be with you, Elladan, but I can't. Not while there's always Haldir, not while I do not know what there is between him and I… I wish to see him, to speak to him… I need to know his thoughts…I'm sure you must hate me now... Perhaps rightly so, but I must be sure of what my heart wants before I can commit to anyone or anything and to do that, I have to know all there is to know about the choices there might or might not be. Will you come to Lothlorien with me to find those answers?”
Elladan was silent for what seemed like an eternity to the prince before he nodded, “Let us go then”
The dark-haired Elf wasn't at all keen on going. He had heard of the developments between Haldir and Legolas, he knew the two had shared the bed. Whether Haldir's feelings were true or not, Legolas was clearly smitten with the haughty Marchwarden.
He feared this little trip would not work out to his advantage, but there was no way he could deny Legolas the opportunity without the Elf resenting him for it.
This was the only path to take, he just needed to make sure the path Legolas walked upon would lead back to him and he had just the idea to ensure such a thing.
And so only two days later, they were on their way, accompanied by some of Rivendell’s best warriors, chosen by Lord Elrond to join the prince of Mirkwood as new, trustworthy guards.
/This will determine everything./ A confused voice returned his own, /What will? What is going on poikaer?/
A brow furrowed at his own thoughts; what, he did full on dialogues now? Still he answered the voice, unable to stop himself /I travel to Lothlorien, along with Elladan. The three of us, with Haldir, together… I will find the answers I need so that hopefully I can make my choice/
TBC…
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