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A Familiar Longing	By : Ertia Category: -Multi-Age > Slash - Male/Male Views: 1443 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Part Two- Golden Flowers

She was watching him even now, as he walked below their talan. She always seemed to watching him now. As though she knew what he had not yet found the courage to speak of. A glint of a golden leaf turned his head and he reached to touch it's sweetness, finding himself thinking of the first moment he had seen her, how he had tried to woo her with bunches of tiny golden flowers.
With a sigh, he moved into the comfort of the trees. They knew, he thought, perhaps not exactly, but new that something had changed within his life-force. He strolled beneath them, at home here as he had never found himself to be at home anywhere else.
When he reached the stream he sat, resting his back against the sturdy trunk of a mallorn tree, and listened to the night animals that scurried about , aware of his presence, and to the burbling spring that sang lightly. What was he going to do? He thought of Haldir, who would be, at this moment, preparing for the ceremony the next day.
His brave Haldir, so strong, so serious. How he completed them, created a circle where there had once been only two points of light. How could they have done such a thing without her knowledge? However could they tell her? She would be angry, he was certain. Perhaps she would despise him. Perhaps she would turn away from them both in disgust and sorrow.
The birth of their daughter had been one of the greatest trials in her life, and they had both decided never to try again; agreet that their daughter would be the perfect light in both of their eyes. Celeborn thought of Galadriel as she lay back, exhausted from labor, the tiny babe, born early and too small, suckling at her breast. He thought he had never seen anything more beautiful. Tossing a tiny pebble into the brook, he sighed once more. If she turned away from him, how would he survive?
The answers bubbled up from the back of his mind. He would have Haldir. But no, if she turned him away, he would not stay in Lothlorien. He could not stand to be here. He would have to go to Imladris, to his daughter and her husband, and hope that they accepted him without jugement for his actions. But then he would have to leave Haldir behind, for he could not leave Galadriel bereft of both of them, no matter how much she despised him. He needed her to be safe.
Lying back on the mossy ground, he looked up into the leaf-marred sky, seeking the light of the stars and begging their forgiveness. The stars were silent. They had nothing to offer. His thoughts whirled in a circle, trying to find the answers that refused to come. At last, he stood and returned to their talan.
Not surprisingly, she was at her desk, head in her arms. He said her name softly, but she stirred not. Finally, he moved slowly and gently lifted her slight form into his arms, carrying her to bed. It was only when she was asleep that he dared be this close to her, dared to let her feel his fea. He pulled the coverlet up to her chin and lightly kissed her forehead. For a long moment he sat and watched her sleep before rising and leaving the room.
When he heard her stir with the morning, he returned to perch beside her on the bed and dared to stroke her face, although he longed to pull her into his arms and stroke her lips with his own. "Good morning, my beauty."
"Uivelen le, melleth nin." Her reply was distant, and she did not meet his eyes. Perhaps he had already hurt her to much. The stab of guilt that tore through him was followed closely by fear.

"Melin le." He managed to reply formally, settling for laying his lips upon her forehead instead of the dangerous intimacy of a kiss. Softly, he tried to tease her. "You are working too hard again, melleth. I found you asleep at the desk last night and carried you to bed."
"I was waiting for you."
Guilt again. She had been waiting up, while he wandered the woods, afraid to come to her and tell her the truth. You, Prince, are a coward, he chastised himself bitterly even as he evenly said, "I could not sleep. Are you going to lie abed all day? The promotion ceremonies for the new wardens are this morning."
"Can you not manage them yourself? I am certain you and Haldir can manage quite well without me."
He paused in the act of braiding his hair, glancing at her reflection behind him in the mirror, trying to read her expression. Had the words been an innocent expression of frustration? Or did she suspect that he and Haldir had already managed something quite extravagant and, honestly, foolish, without her? Swallowing hard, hoping that she did not read the guilt in his eyes, he told her that the guards deserved her blessing and left the room hastily.
As he waited before Haldir's assembled legions, he watched him through hooded eyes. Efficient, intelligent and clever, their Haldir was above and beyond reproach in his duties. Then she arrived, smiling and nodding. She was wearing yellow, the color of new spring. Perhaps new beginnings? He watched as she mounted the dais to stand beside him, and then turned his gaze back towards the assembly. Now was the not the time to face his fears. These guardians deserved his attention, his approval. Still, he glanced towards her as she bent to offer a newly promoted captain her blessing and knew that this could not go on. Time was running short.
As the ceremony closed, he invited Haldir to join them for luncheon. Haldir seemed to read his thoughts. It was time to face the truth. This could not go on any longer. He tried to hide his surprise and dissapointment when Galadriel abruptly turned away from them and fled, heading for her glade. Haldir had looked to him through narrowed eyes.
"You haven't told her then."
"No, I was hoping that you and I, together..." Celeborn let his words fade. "Perhaps it's too late."
"Nay, gwador. Give her time." Haldir clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Let us luncheon and decide what to say to her when she returns."
They were no closer to a solution as they finished luncheon, and lay aside their utensils. It was an aching admission that Celeborn made as he pushed his chair back. "I'm afraid, Haldir, I am losing her."
Haldir laughed, that warm rich laugh that made the woods of Lorien glow around him. "Celeborn, gwador, you could no sooner lose her than you could lose your horse!"
To that Celeborn burst into pained laughter. "But Haldir, I lost my horse just three days ago when a magpie flew in his face and startled him!"
Together they laughed uproarously, and it felt good, to laugh over something so silly as Celeborn's runaway horse. Just then the door slammed and Galadriel's yellow gown flashed in the doorway as she passed into her study and slammed that door as well. The laughter fell silent, and Haldir's deep green gaze saddened. Celeborn made to rise, but Haldir placed a hand on his arm. "Wait a moment. Let me speak with her first."
Celeborn nodded, and watched as Haldir left the room. He was no stranger to fear. He had fought inumerable times, faced masterful enemies, and he knew he had strength and courage to withstand, but what would he do if she was the final enemy? It would kill him, he knew, and the newfound life he was only beginning to accept. What could he do?
He came to the study door and listened to Haldir's reasonable voice.
. "... He is bound to you, you have borne his daughter. You are his heart and soul."
"Then why does he not show it?"
Celeborns heart plummeted. She thought he no longer loved her? Had he been so wrapped up in his own pain to let her think that she no longer shared his heart? Pain wrung through him at the grief he must have caused her for her to believe such a thing!
"Ask him." Haldir's voice was order, albeit lined with encouragement and warmth.
"Yes." Celeborn managed to find his voice. Ask me, he thought, ask me if I still love you so I may show you all of the things you are to me. Please, Galadriel, do not leave me. His words were forced from his lips through a pained haze. "Ask me, melleth nin."
When she asked, her voice breaking, and unshed tears glistening in her eyes, he could hold back no longer and opened his mind to her, totally and completely, showing her every memory he held most precious, every emotion he felt associated to her. He watched as her tears welled and overflowed, and felt the anguish of the pain he had caused her.
Still her voice was calm when she said, "Then why do you walk the woods each night, instead of finding solace in my arms? Why do you not meet my gaze when we dine together, or when we cross paths during the days?"

He admitted his fear, and knew it was finally time to come forward, to tell her what he had done. He opened his mouth to speak, and yet was relieved when Haldir stepped forward and spoke for him.
"Galadriel, I am afraid that I ... I have impregnated your husband."
That slap across his lovers face was a sound that would resonate his ears for weeks, even as Haldir took it with grace, accepting for his part the brunt of her anger. When she turned on Celeborn he was ready, taking her lecture in stride until she asked him the sex of the baby. He thought... he thought it was a girl. How did women know these things? There was plenty of information in the libraries on the mechanics of male conception, but not a word on the practicalities that elleth's seemed to know from instinct!
He admitted, "A girl...I think." and watched her face change ever so slightly. If she had not been his heart and soul he may have missed the change, but it was there. Her fingers were so light when she touched him, and her voice so soft that he could not help but pull her into his arms, heedless of her words and hold her to him as if he would never let her go.
He and Haldir held her long into the night, reassuring her that they would never leave her. That they would always be there for each other and for their child.
Now, he stood with Haldir and watched her ride from the Golden Wood under full escort. Soon she would be across the sea. She was leaving them. No, not them, but the burdens she had carried for so long. Celeborn felt his heart stir with longing, desired to run after her and pull her from horse, back into his arms once more. Haldir tightened his grip on his shoulder, reminding him of why he stayed. They stood, silent sentinals at the forest edge until long after the sound of the horses had faded and night had come upon the wood. Haldir wrapped his arms around him, holding him warm and close. "We'll join her soon, gwador. But there is still much for us to do and see here yet."
Celeborn sighed and lay his head on Haldir's shoulder, turning his face into the golden hair... like the golden leaves of Lothlorien.... like the first golden flowers he had given her.

-------- ta da
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A Familiar Longing