THE SPEED OF THE END

Findaráto convinced Carnistir to wait to complete their bond until he had told Amarië about the cousins’ love for each other. Telling her had been an unpleasant task at first for Findaráto. Amarië had cried for a long time against his shoulder. It made him feel that he had exhibited ungentlemanly behaviour toward her for letting her down when they had been close. At the same time, he thought he detected a sense of relief in her attitude. She half-heartedly pleaded with him to finish what she called a “brief and sordid affair” with Carnistir and then return to her once it was over, but he sensed that she did not mean this in a sexual way. It was not for many months that Findaráto could convince Amarië of his true feelings of love for Carnistir. Findaráto brought forth that Amarië was always reluctant to let him bed her and despite her argument that such things should be left for marriage, she admitted that she did not have much interest in sex. She was not enamored of the idea of having children and only entertained thoughts of marrying in order to keep a nice house that she could show off to her friends. Therefore, in the end she calmed down and accepted that Findaráto’s true love lay with Carnistir. Findaráto knew that Amarië did not have the ability to love him as passionately or with the sexual abandon of Carnistir. She was like a delicate white flower whose petals should never be crushed in the passion of hard, abandoned lovemaking. He told her that he would always bear a certain kind of love for her. After they had worked out all of their grievances, Amarië took Findaráto’s hand and squeezed it, and he hugged her with great affection. They remained friends.

Carnistir had been right about his father causing problems and the twelve-year exile took place as he had predicted. Despite his prescience giving him warning of this occurrence, he was nevertheless stricken with feelings of horror and bereavement. Though he was grieved also, Findaráto was adamant that he would not join with Carnistir on the journey to Formenos, out of a feeling of duty toward his father as the oldest son.

“Carnistir,” Findaráto had told him as he lay in his cousin’s arms in Findaráto’s bedroom, “I am sorry. I cannot go to Formenos with you. At this time, when there is fear and uncertainty among our people, I cannot leave Atar and Ammë.”

Carnistir stroked Findaráto’s hair and rested his chin atop the flaxen head. Sighing, the sound like the last gust of wind after a storm has passed, Carnistir resigned himself to the loss that he would have to undergo. “I shall miss you. It shall be hard.”

Findaráto kissed his hand. “You shall be steel. You shall endure like your Atar’s finest works, until we see each other again.”

Findaráto hoped he and Carnistir would be able to meet one more time before the exile, and with that in mind, he went to Carnistir’s home.

The Fëanorions were in a frenzied flurry of packing when Findaráto entered the house. The first person he saw was Nerdanel, who gave him a sweet, sad smile. “Hello, Findaráto,” she said. “Have you come to say farewell and see us away?”

“Yes, Auntie,” he replied, giving her cheek a soft kiss. “Is Carnistir in his room?”

She replied that he was and Findaráto walked down the hallway, passing Fëanaro as he did so. He almost didn’t speak to his uncle because the look on Fëanaro’s face was prohibitively standoffish. However, Findaráto mustered his courage and offered “Good day, Uncle,” by way of greeting. He winced and instantly regretted saying the words “Good day.” Fëanaro gave him a look of furious disgust and replied in a voice as hard as cold steel, “If you and Arafinwë take a side in this, Findaráto, it had better be the right one,” and stormed off down the corridor carrying two large suitcases.

Findaráto gulped. He did not know how to reply to this. Shaken, he realized that he hadn’t thought about taking sides until now. With a trembling hand he knocked on Carnistir’s door. “Come in,” he heard a muffled voice reply.

When he entered, Findaráto found Carnistir kneeling on the floor in his closet, trying to extricate a suitcase from under a shelf that was spilling over with a jumble of clothes, books and other paraphernalia. As Findaráto glanced around the room, he was surprised to see that it was a mess – that was so unlike Carnistir, who was always controlled and prided himself on his neat appearance, always close to perfection. Findaráto smiled fondly at Carnistir’s possessions lying everywhere, and then crept up behind him and placed his hands upon the shapely buttocks that protruded from beneath the shelves.

Carnistir gave a violent start, jumped up and banged his head on the bottom shelf with a great thud. “Aulë’s balls!” he shouted.

“Carnistir!” Findaráto laughed. “Such language!”

Carnistir held a hand to the spot on his head that had hit the shelf, and turned to greet Findaráto with a rare and radiant smile. “Ai! You startled me, you rogue, but it is good to see you!” he cried.

“And you,” said Findaráto with a sigh. He held his arms open in invitation for Carnistir to hug him. The two embraced and Findaráto slid his hands up and down Carnistir’s back, taut and muscular beneath his silken robes. “You look, smell and feel wonderful,” he said, and reached up to pull Carnistir’s head down so that he could reach his lips.

“Findaráto,” breathed Carnistir, his voice like the sad finality of rustling autumn leaves. “We cannot make love here. Tyelkormo could return at any moment from the stables. He is helping to ready the horses and organize the wagons for our journey.”

Findaráto sighed and caressed Carnistir’s smoothly braided hair. “Your journey,” he said sadly. “A great part of me wants to go with you, but I must stay here to be with my own family. Where can we go now? I feel so desperate to snatch this final chance to be together.”

“Let us go into the music room,” suggested Carnistir with a smile. He caressed Findaráto’s cheek with a gentle hand. “Macalaurë is not there. He has already emptied it of the things he wants to take with him and has gone to help Tyelkormo ready the wagons.”

Findaráto agreed and soon the two Elves were on their way through the corridors of Fëanor’s spacious home to the music room, which was at the far end of the house. From it, glass doors opened into the garden. Carnistir tried to open the door but it was locked. He rattled the handle and knocked loudly.

“Go away!” came a voice from within, and then another: “We’re busy!” this was followed by laughter and then a voice cried, “Maitimo! Ai!”

Carnistir turned to Findaráto with a frown of disappointment, his upper lip curled, and said, “Maitimo and Findekáno are in there. We’ll have to find another room.”

Findaráto was disappointed too. He liked the idea of using the music room for a tryst, but just as he was about to follow Carnistir back down the hall, the door opened and Maitimo poked his head out. “Come in!” he said with delighted surprise at seeing who stood there. His face was flushed but inviting. He held a silk sheet wound around his body. Carnistir and Findaráto entered the nearly empty room and were greeted to the sight of Findekáno lying naked upon a sofa. Findaráto’s eyes opened wide. Findekáno was a very sexually seductive Elf. His face was deceptively pretty, his eyes blue and innocent-looking, his perfect oval face framed by raven-dark braided hair. His body was that of a warrior: lithe, strong, sensuous and muscular. He was never ashamed to show his nakedness. Findaráto had seen him nude many times, but never before in his current state of arousal.

“Would you two like to join Maitimo and me?” he asked from the sofa, extending his arm to Findaráto. His eyes were wide and blue, and he fluttered his dark lashes at his two cousins in a lascivious beckoning.

Findaráto was speechless, and he looked at Carnistir. Carnistir shook his head. “No thank you, Findekáno,” he said. “Not now, under these circumstances. In happier times, perhaps,” he said. Maitimo sauntered up to Findaráto’s side, trailing his sheet, and embraced him warmly.

“It would have been a lovely parting gift,” Maitimo sighed as he stroked Findaráto’s hair. His cheeks were flushed and his lips parted slightly. Findaráto gave him a quick kiss on the full lips and then moved away from Maitimo’s intoxicating presence.

“Yes, it would have been that, Cousin,” he replied to the beautiful redhead. “Perhaps another time we will have the opportunity.” Findaráto smiled as brightly as he could muster although it was tinged with sadness.

“Come, Findaráto, let us go into the garden. With luck we shall find a corner where we can be alone,” said Carnistir, pulling at his arm.

The two Elves murmured regretful farewells to Maitimo and Findekáno and made their way into the garden, which wound away from the house in a serpentine pattern. In a small, secluded alcove they sat down on the ground and each removed his own clothing. They decided to sit behind a boxwood hedge with a large juniper tree in front, which they thought successfully hid them from anyone’s view. Behind them was a deserted wilderness area from where no one was likely to emerge.

“Carnistir,” whispered Findaráto, “Have you thought upon it? This may be our last meeting.” The corners of his eyes drooped and he dropped his chin to his chest.

“Not the last, surely,” Carnistir said, and touched Findaráto’s face, tenderly caressing his cheeks. “How many times have I said you think too much? But look at me, my love. I want to remember your smiling face.” He stared into Findaráto’s eyes, as though searching their depths for memories that he wanted to take with him.

“I want to give you my soul,” Findaráto said. “Our fëas shall be joined as one, as shall our bodies.”

“Manwë may not give his permission for us to wed now that the House of Fëanaro is in disfavour,” said Carnistir. “We will probably have to wait at least until I have returned from exile.”

Findaráto sighed. “I will not say ill against your father, but…at times he is the most exasperating Elf I have ever ---”

“I know,” Carnistir interjected. “You do not have to tell me for I know it also. Let us not speak of what he has done. Let me kiss you and make love to you.” He clasped Findaráto by the arms and pushed him backward onto the grass and positioned his body on top of his.

Findaráto laughed softly. The grass felt cool, and the fallen leaves dry and crunchy beneath his body. “We are in the position we were in the tutor’s yard so many years ago. I wondered then why you did not kiss me.”

“Kiss you? Why would I have kissed you?” asked Carnistir and he, too, laughed at the memory.

“It could have been a cousinly kiss, like this,” said Findaráto, and placed a soft kiss upon Carnistir’s cheek. “It need not have been like THIS,” he said and more fervently pressed his open mouth to Carnistir’s ruby lips, devouring them in a merciless and greedy kiss. His hand sought Carnistir’s hair and he began to twist open one of his plaits. His other hand trailed down Carnistir’s back and grasped one of his buttocks, squeezing it in a passionate grip and grinding his loins against Carnistir’s taut abdomen, feeling the length of Findaráto’s arousal against his stomach.

“Ai! Ai! Cousin!” cried Carnistir, pulling his head up and away from Findaráto’s needy lips. “You are pulling out my hair, and you shall leave bruises on my backside! Let us take our time and be gentle with each other!” He rolled over and sat up and began to untie his braids more carefully than Findaráto had done.

“You are angry with me,” Findaráto said sadly and picked up a brown leaf from the ground. It was edged with yellow and veined with green. He fitted it against his palm and studied it, trying not to let Carnistir see that his feelings were hurt. “I am sorry, Carnistir. The fact that you are going away has upset me and has made me agitated.” He dropped the leaf and ran a trembling hand through his golden tresses.

“No, no, my love, I am not angry,” said Carnistir. He reached out to take one of Findaráto’s hands in his and squeezed it. “You must forgive my peevishness. There are many strains of anger running below my surface today and I do not wish them to rise. But I would like us both to relax before I take you bodily and seal our bond.”

Carnistir was about to say more but just then the two Elves heard the rustle of someone treading upon the dry leaves nearby, and it startled them. They both turned to look in the direction of the sound. “Perhaps we can help you,” said a voice, and Maitimo and Findekáno appeared, turning the corner of the hedge. They were both wrapped in silk sheets. Both had groomed themselves to look their most beautiful. Maitimo’s hair was unbound and fell in waves of crimson to his hips. Findekáno’s raven tresses were almost entirely unbound but for one small braid that circled his forehead and was held at the back of his head with a silver clip. Their eyes shone with a luster of sensuality.

Carnistir looked at his older brother and a frown formed between his dark eyebrows. “This was to be a special union for us,” he said angrily. “You two should not be involving yourselves in our affairs.”

“Hush, little brother,” said Maitimo in a soft voice like the velvety flutter of butterfly wings, “you are to sit back and watch us. We are here to relax Findaráto for you. After we have finished, he shall be prepared for the best lovemaking that you can give him, and both you and he shall enjoy it all the more.”

“I think he is starting to enjoy it already,” said Findekáno, and looked pointedly at Findaráto, whose member had swollen appreciatively at the sight of his two cousins. Their talk of preparing him for lovemaking had caused his arousal to jut toward the blue autumn sky as he lay back propped on his elbows on the grass. Findekáno dropped to his knees beside the prone body of Findaráto and began to slide his hand down the length of Findaráto’s naked body, stopping to give his member an appreciative tug and then move on to stroke his thighs.

Maitimo cast his brother a reproachful glance and moved to kneel on the other side of Findaráto who lay now splayed on the grass, his legs spread and his fair hair fanned out behind him. Tiny goosebumps covered his ivory skin in the cool autumn air. Findekáno leaned forward to take one of Findaráto’s erect nipples into his mouth and sucked on it insistently, pulling the rosy flesh with his lips until Findaráto uttered cries of desire.

Maitimo massaged Findaráto’s shoulders and chest while Findekáno sucked his nipples, and he also bent over to kiss Findaráto’s face, leaving little whispery kisses on his forehead, cheeks and nose, but not touching his lips. Findekáno then let his sheet drop from his body and it fell in a pool of white silk to the ground. His taut muscles gleamed in the afternoon light as he bent over Findaráto, whose flailing hand found a grip in Findekáno’s raven hair. Both Elves were aroused and Carnistir, alarmed, began to step toward them. He was stopped by Maitimo, who noticed his movement and left Findaráto’s side, to go to Carnistir.

“Don’t be alarmed, little brother,” he said, and restrained him with one arm wrapped around him, pinning his arms to his sides.

“I do not wish for Findekáno to do this to Findaráto!” Carnistir cried. “Look at them! They will not be able to resist each other! And you, my own brother – I cannot watch you in this state either – doing such things to my lover!”

Carnistir was agitated. His face was flushed and he pushed forward against Maitimo’s hands which were now held against his chest. “Very well!” said Maitimo. “Please calm yourself, Moryo! I will call off Findekáno. Wait here,” and Maitimo returned to the two lusty Elves writhing on the grass. Findekáno was aroused to a state of excitement that showed in his face, his erect nipples and his solid erection. He caressed Findaráto’s body in appreciative strokes, giving the blond Elf’s equally engorged member a few languid tugs that elicited moans of pleasure from him. Findaráto’s head lolled from side to side as he groaned, “No, Findekáno, stop. I cannot abide anymore! Ai! What are you doing to me?”

Findekáno’s lips were parted as he spoke endearments to Findaráto. “You are such a pretty Elf, Cousin,” he drawled and his eyes were glazed. He was about to lower his face to Findaráto’s loins when Maitimo placed his hands on his lover’s shoulders and pulled him forcefully backward. Findekáno’s back rested against Maitimo’s legs and the red-haired Elf put his hands under Findekáno’s arms and pulled him back farther away from Findaráto’s quivering body.

“Maitimo! What --?” Findekáno began to protest.

“Stop! Carnistir is upset. This was not a good idea after all. Things are more serious between them than I had thought. Go to my brother and see if you can calm him. Use your wiles on him while I see to Findaráto. You have brought our cousin to such a state that I do not know how I shall hold him for Carnistir while you work on my brother. But do your best to calm Carnistir and hurry him back to Findaráto before it is too late!”

Findekáno did as he was told and raced after Carnistir, who had retrieved his clothes and had begun to stalk back toward the house. When he reached him, Findekáno caught Carnistir by the arm and pulled the dark, angry Elf around to face him.

“Carnistir,” he said softly, looking into his cousin’s eyes. His lips were downturned and his eyebrows knit in the middle. “Please forgive me,” he said.

Carnistir looked at him with a flash of anger. His cheeks were a deep shade of red and his chest was heaving. “Why did you have to interfere?” he shouted. “Findaráto and I wanted to make our last time together a special one. I am surprised that you and my brother do not wish to do the same.”

Findekáno looked startled at this, and tilted his head to one side. “But we have,” he said. “What could be more special than the four of us…?” But then his voice trailed off as he saw a thunderous look cross Carnistir’s face. Clearly, this tactic was not going to work. Switching techniques, Findekáno then suggested, “Let us go for a little walk, you and I,” and began to lead Carnistir away from the house and in the direction of the deserted area behind the garden. A path led from the back of the garden through a patch of brush and toward a copse of birch and poplar trees. Both Elves were still naked and Carnistir carried his clothing. Findekáno resisted an urge to place a comforting arm around his back. Instead, he talked to Carnistir in a soothing voice.

“Believe me, I do understand how you feel. The idea of us being apart for so long is almost unbearable. But bear it we must. Maitimo and I are secure enough in our love for each other that we know we can wait until he returns and the flame that is our passion for each other will not be extinguished, but will burn the brighter for having had to wait. You and Findaráto can do the same. He and I will wait for you both.”

Carnistir turned to stare at Findekáno suspiciously. “I believe that you will try to bed him while we are gone,” he said.

Findekáno snorted. “My friend, you have a suspicious mind! Do you not think I will be able to control myself?”

“No, I don’t,” replied Carnistir. “I believe you to be an incorrigible sexual being. You will not be able to resist him. I saw you with him a moment ago, remember? As soon as Maitimo and I are gone you will try to seduce him.”

“Findaráto is comely, yes,” said Findekáno with a shrug. “No Elf could resist him. But resist I must, for if I do not then I would lose that which is most precious to me, and that is the love and trust of your brother. Believe me, Carnistir, I would not risk it. Maitimo and I thought that you would be willing to join us in four-way pleasure this afternoon. We were sure that the memories of such an undertaking would have lasted us the twelve long years of your exile. But I see now that is not to be.” And with these words he sighed sadly.

“What I see,” said Carnistir, “is that there is no attraction between you and I. And I would not make love to my brother under any circumstances.”

“Very well,” said Findekáno. “I agree there seems to be no love between us. But I do regard you as my friend, and I hope that you will trust me to not seduce Findaráto in your absence.”

“I would like to know that I can trust you,” said Carnistir.

“Then let us clasp hands on it,” Findekáno replied, and the two Elves did so in a gesture of friendship. Then they turned around and retraced their steps back to Maitimo and Findaráto. They found the blond and the redhead sitting and talking and Findaráto was holding his cloak demurely across his lap. Maitimo had wound himself in his sheet.

“Ah,” he said when Carnistir and Findekáno reappeared. “Come, Findekáno, let us leave these two alone now,” and he rose to his feet. Carnistir walked over to Findaráto’s side and sat down on the grass beside him. They gazed fondly into each other’s eyes, their shoulders touching and their breaths mingling.

Maitimo and Findekáno walked back to the house together after making their farewells to their cousins. “Carnistir looks quite calm now,” said a surprised but pleased Maitimo. “What did you do?”

“I told him the truth,” Findekáno replied, “and he was able to discern that I was sincere. By not attempting to lie to him I convinced him that I was more trustworthy than he otherwise thought. How did you fare with Findaráto?”

“He was easy to convince. I have never known a more agreeable Elf. He was willing to wait until Carnistir returned from your walk, and I believe he will also be able to wait until he returns from exile. I do believe that Findaráto could have resisted your charms after all.”

“We shall see,” said Findekáno, “After all, I will have twelve years to work upon him.” And he laughed wickedly at the look of shock that crossed Maitimo’s face.