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Elves Make For Strange Bedfellows	By : KimmieandFelicia Category: Lord of the Rings Movies > Het - Male/Female Views: 1633 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the Rings book series and movie series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 19
- 20
- 21
Chapter: 20 - The Breakfast Club
~We�re Back!! Sorry for delay in getting this chapter up! R&R - Thanks! ~

�What?� Felicity moaned as she heard a knock at her door.

�Your Highness,� she could hear Reitnor voice, one of her father�s Royal Guardsmen, coming from the other side of the threshold as she stirred, �Your father requests that you attend this mornings breakfast which will be served shortly in the main dinning area,� he called once more from the other side of the door.

�Thank yeitneitnor and please inform my father that I will see if I can fit in my schedule,� Felicity called back to him with a bit of sarcasm.

�As you wish, your Highness,� Reitnor sighed before leaving Felicity�s door and heading to Kimber�s.
Felicity growled as she covered her face with her pillow. The nerve of her father! He was the last person she wanted to see this morning.

�Ahh, Melamin,� She heard Haldir sigh as he rolled over on his side to look at her, �Though I do not like the idea of starting the day in your father�s presence, I think it would be best to satisfy his wishes for it may be better for the both of us if we do.�

Felicity peeked out at him from underneath her pillow, �I suppose!� she sighed, rolling her eyes, �But I will take my time in getting there!� she smiled wickedly.

�You are something do you know that?� Haldir laughed as he moved in closer and began to kiss her.

�Felicity?� came Kimber�s voice as she gently tapped on the door of her sister�s chambers, �Are you awake?�

Felicity gave Haldir a disappointed look, �Look�s as if we are going to have to put this off until later.�

Haldir shook his head in regret. �Yes it does appear as though we will not have much time to ourselves on this lovely morning.� Haldir slowly stood and wrapped a bed sheet around himself.

�Felicity?� Kimber called once again waiting patiently for her sister to open the door and was soon surprised to see Haldir open the door clad in nothing but a sheet. Her face immediately turned red with embarrassment

�Kimber! For Valar�s sake please come in!� he insisted with a bright smile as he pulled her into the room, before making his way into the adjoining washroom to dress.

�That�s what you get!� Felicity snickered noticing her sister�s red cheeks.

�Oh yeah?� Kimber stopped at the foot of her sister�s bed before closing her eyes; the pillow on Felicity�s bed levitated for a moment before swinging around and clobbering her sister right in the head. �And that�s what you get for last night!� Kimber retorted.

�KIMBER!!!� Felicity exclaimed, �We�re back, we�re back�koi nee ha!� and in a flash she was as small as a dragonfly cruising around the room. �Huk aya,nin asala,� she whispered; and just as before, her wings dissipated and she stood once more in full form before her sister. �This is great!� Felicity squealed in delight only to her sister standing before her shaking her head in disapproval. �What? Aren�t you happy?�

Kimber let out a low moan, �Well actually, yes and no,� she stated flatly as she reached down to pick up Felicity�s nightgown that laid on the floor, �But before I go into details could you please do me a favor and put this on?� Kimber held out the nightgown to her sister.

�Oh Sorry!!� Felicity chuckled taking the garment and sliding it over her head, �So...do tell!�

�Well�umm,� Kimber sputtered, feeling a little uncomfortable explaining.

�At least, tell me when you realized that we had them back?� Felicity was growing impatient.

�Sometime last night��Kimber paused giving her sister a knowing look.

�Last night?� Felicity stopped and quirked a brow. Last night? Last night... �Oh my!!!! Did I? Did you? Haldir?� Felicity eyes grew wide as she looked at her sister. She had forgotten all about that; she had simply assumed that they still had no powers so she didn�t bother to disengage their emotional bond.

�I�m afraid so,� Kimber let out a sigh as she looked down to the floor and blushed. Felicity erupted with laughter.

�Well, it looks as though you two are having a bit of fun out here,� Haldir offered as he made his way over to a mirror and smoothed his tunic.

�Not as much fun as you and I had last night,� Felicity smirked; Kimber gasped at her sister�s remark and elbowed her in her side.

�Indeed,� he walked over and kissed her on the lips before heading for the door, �Don�t be long remember we are eating with the hobbits. If you don�t hurry, they�ll be no food left,� he smiled before closing the door.

�Oh, I am so embarrassed!� Kimber huffed as she threw herself on the bed.

�Don�t be, he doesn�t know,� Felicity now called from the washroom.

�Felicity, I know he doesn�t know, but I know and what�s more horrible than that is�Legolas knows,� she sighed.

�What? How does Leggy know?� Felicity inquired popping her head out of the entranceway.

�Because I was sitting on his lap� his very wet lap,� Kimber dipped her brows at Felicity.

�You were sitting on his lap!??!� Felicity chuckled, �Could this mean that �you� defied our father�s orders and snuck out!??!� Felicity walked over to the bed, �Kimber you sneaky little fairy you! I would have never had imagined you going against father!� she paused giving her sister a weird look, �And I am glad, it�s about damned time you stood up for yourself!� she then smiled.

�Your getting off the subject Felicity! Do you know how embarrassing that was?� Kimber whined sitting up to look at her sister.

�Well you don�t think I married Haldir for his sensitiveness, do you?� she smiled coyly at her sister.

�Felicity!!� Kimber shouted tossing a pillow at her.

�What can I say-when you�re good you�re good!!!� Felicity called over her shoulder as she raced out of the room with Kimber following close behind.

*********

�Haldir?� the March Warden paused on his way to the dining hall and turned to see Legolas walking behind him.

�Ah, Legolas how are you this fine morning?� Haldir smiled at him. Seeing the content look on Haldir�s face, Legolas tried to wipe all visions of last night�s events from his mind before continuing. �Do you have a moment? I need to speak with you about a matter that cannot wait.�

�Why yes, of course. What can I do for you?� he asked.

�We cannot speak here, the matter must be discussed in private,� Legolas insisted. Haldir nodded as he anxiously wondered what Legolas had in mind that was so secretive. He followed after him into a thicket of brush.

�Legolas, I think we�re alone now,� Haldir stated as he stumbled over a few weeds.

�I am apologize Haldir, but I knew that you and you alone would understand my plight and might be able to offer me some assistance,� Legolas looked to the Warden now.

�Please, Legolas, go on,� Haldir folded his arms across his chest.

�It is Kimber, I love her and her father�� Legolas groaned before looking to the ground.

"Say no more,� Haldir held up his hand. He already knew that saga, �Bastard,� he mumbled under his breath as his mind wandered slightly back to the scene on the great flet where he kneeled there before the King. �I�m sorry Legolas, please go on.�

�Haldir, as you know I will soon be leaving this wood. I want to pledge my love to her,� Legolas stated, trying not to sound defeated.

�You want to marry her don�t you?� Haldir grinned. He knew, say what you want about elf maidens, but fairies were something special. Once they had your heart that was it; nothing else would do.

�Yes,� Legolas replied earnestly.

�And dear old daddy has of course, said no,� Haldir stated flatly.

�Ai,� Legolas agreed looking off into the distance, perhaps this was a moot subject.

"But you want to do it anyway?� Haldir persisted.

�Yes,� Legolas looked at him intently.

�But you need help?� Haldir rubbed his chin; clearly he was conjuring up something.

�Yes,� Legolas looked at Haldir once more as he was now pacing through the brush. He stopped mid stride and turned to Legolas.

�I�m in!� he smiled widely.

�Haldir? In what? I do not even know where to begin�� Legolas replied in defeated tone, shaking his head. Maybe this was folly; it was foolish to have even thought of such things. He should never have mentioned the idea to Kimber without having a plan first.

�Legolas, do not be troubled! The priest that will be officiating Felicity and my ceremony will be arriving in Lothlorien tomorrow. I will make it a point to speak to him first upon his arrival at which time I will take him to you and Kimber and he will wed the two of you.� Haldir stated as-matter-of-factly.

�Haldir, I thank you,� Legolas beamed before bowing to his friend.

�It is the least I can do,� Haldir smiled. And indeed it was the least he could do after the embarrassment the King caused him. He patted Legolas on the shoulder and the two headed back to the dining hall unaware of the small winged creature flying at lightening speed ahead of them.

********

�That Prince does not know when to quit does he!� Epoloven thought to himself as he quickly entered the dining hall where everyone was now gathering for the morning feast. �Ha! Wait till the King hears this! He is sure to give Kimber to me!� he grinned evilly as he hurried towards the where the King was being seated at the head of the table.

�Ah, good morning Epoloven,� King Oberon greeted him.

�I am not sure if I would say that your Maj,� E,� Epoloven gave him a serious look.

�Well, I was hoping it to be better than yesterday, but going by your appearance, I do not think it is likely.� The King added.

�Epoloven!� came Tatiana�s voice disrupting their private conversation. �If you would be so inclined to take your seat,� she shot him a menacing glare, �I am sure whatever you have to tell my husband can wait until after we have finished eating.�

Epoloven returned her look before quickly nodding and taking his seat, in which he was please to notice that he was seated next to Kimber.

�Kimber, may I say that you look radiant this morning!� Epoloven cooed.

Kimber began to feel a little uneasy as she offered him a fake smile before turning away to look at everyone who was now seated at the table.

Looking down to the farthest end of the table she saw Legolas and Felicity sitting next to one another. She had planned on sitting next to her sister, but was instructed as soon as she entered the hall that she would be seated next to her father. She obeyed his wishes, not wanting to cause a scene. It would not be long now until she became Legolas� wife. She imagined the look on her father�s face once she told him that she was married! A smile spread across her face at the thought and she noticed that Legolas was now looking back at her. He quickly winked before looking to Felicity who was now trying to get his attention. Kimber�s smile disappeared as she could only imagine what her sister was whispering into his ear.

�Hey Leggy,� Felicity whispered as Haldir was now in deep conversation with Lord Celeborn.

�Yes?� Legolas whispered back. He still wondered why she persisted in calling him that.

�So I hear that you were with my sister last night. Anything good happen?� her expression was unreadable; Legolas was not sure if she knew and was just teasing him or if she had no idea at all as to what took place the night before. �Yes Felicity I did see her last night,� he replied narrowing his eyebrow slightly, avoiding her second question.

Felicity, who was now ing ing her plate with every bit of food that was placed in front of her, smiled widely, �Well I heard that you two had a rather �wet n� wild� night� Bread?� she offered, acting as if she had said nothing before that.

As he figured, she knew! �Please,� he gave her shaken look as he took the bread from her. �Felicity I ...� He started before being cut off.

�Excuse me Leggy,� she turned to look across the table at Aragorn, �Could you please pass me the fruit?�

Aragorn obliged as Felicity quickly took the bowl from him. Hungrily, she began to spoon the fruit on to her plate before noticing the odd look she was receiving from those around her, �I �am� eating for two ya know!� she stated a little put out at the stares she was receiving before returning her attention to Legolas, �Tell me, was it as good for you as it was for my sister? � Fruit?� she handed the bowl to him.

Legolas was astonished. How could she sit there and talk about such a topic with such normalcy?
Legolas cleared his throat while taking the bowl from her, �Felicity, I really do not think this is the time nor the place for such conversation.�

�Oh, my apologies. Afraid someone will overhear, I understand.�

Legolas shook his head in disbelief. How could two sister�s be so different from one another?
"Good morning, Kimber!" Merry and Pippin beamed widely as they both took a seat across from her. She smiled at them in return, glad to see their smiling faces.

"Mer! Will you look at this feast! Roast duckling, scrambled eggs, baked ham�oh my, no is that� Merry they've got, it smells like...POTATOES!!� Pippin stood up from his seat and reached across the table to grab the bowl.

"Easy there little one," Boromir chuckled as he passed the bowl across the table to the eager hobbit.

"Now this is a meal meant for a King!" Gimli announced to Legolas who sat beside him.

"Or a beautiful Queen," Pippin smiled at the royal lovely next to him. Queen Titania smiled politely at him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Pippin, you are certainly a blessed breakfast guest" she smiled.

"You should see me around elevensies, luncheon, and tea time! Why I just get better with each meal," he grinned sheepishly honored that Queen took notice of him.

"I don't suppose you could pass them potatoes down this way," Sam elbowed Merry eagerly as he obliged, though Sam only managed to get a spoonful before Felicity leaned over Legolas' lap, reached over Gimli and snatched the bowl.

"Felicity?" the Queen scolded, to which she rolled her eyes and sat back down, taking the potatoes with her of course.

"What ? I was just getting them for Frodo?" she lied passing them across the table to the hobbit, who looked all too eager to take them. She looked on as he piled his plate high with the goods.
Kimber smiled smugly at the goings on down at the end of the table wishing she were down there once more, before focusing her attention to Epoloven who was still grinning at her.

"My dearest Kimber," he began in a whisper so that only she could hear, "how was your eve?" he inquired.

"Fine," she answered shortly, toying with her eggs.

"Um, just fine? Nothing eventful?" Epoloven insisted.

"No, Epoploven, not that I can recall," she placed a fork full of eggs in her mouth in hopes that the conversation would come to an end.

"Really?" he quirked a devilish brow at her, "Then perhaps the Prince did something wrong." he hissed making her nearly choke back what little food she had in her mouth.

"Kimber?" the King looked at her with concern, her face reddened as all eyes were upon her waiting to see if she were well.

"I am fine, just went down the wrong way," she insisted before looking to see Legolas� face full of concern.

"You know that happens to me all of the time?" Pippin broke in, "Once I was eating a carrot from Farmer Maggots crop, you remember that Mer?" he paused and looked at his friend.

"I remember," Samwise agreed, "Greedy! If you weren't so greedy," he shook his head as Merry began to recant the tale.

"We were gathering a few items from Maggots garden," he began.

"Sounds a bit like stealing to me," Epoloven sneered, "It is not right to take things that do not belong to you; wouldn't you agree, March Warden?" he couldn't help himself. Felicity quickly stood up and was about to head down to where Epoloven sat when Haldir pulled her back down by the arm.

"I find it best to ignore imbeciles like him, Felicity. He wants a challenge, if he doesn't get one he will stop" he smiled reassuringly, stroking her thigh under the table. She smiled in content as she munched on an apple.

"Please do go on, Meridoc," the Queen insisted before turning to the King, "Do you suppose you might keep your �Advisor� in check," she glared at Epoloven whose nostrils panned at her remark.

"Yes, Epoloven, please," the King agreed. �Oh that was it�, Epoloven thought to himself, he had planned to do away with the Oberon first when he took the throne, but not now! No, now that wench of a Queen would get it first!

"Well�" Merry began once again before he was distracted by a loud banging noise; all eyes turned to see the doors to the dining hall fling open and a sinfully handsome fairy, clad only in a loin cloth, standing before them.

"Please, ladies and gentlemen, kings, queens, elves and of course, my favorite...fairies...hold your applause, Puck, has now entered the Golden Wood!" he bowed low for a moment before offering everyone a seductive smile.

Felicity stood and hurried over to him as Haldir stood and watched in disbelief. She hugged the fairy and planted a firm kiss on his whi while tousling the short crop of blond curls on his head,"Puck!" she gasped.

"Yes it is me my fair Felicity," he took a step back to look at her, "And what's this I hear? You've been giving up the booty to the March Warden?" he gave her a look of surprise before walking over to Haldir and patting him on the back.

"Good job there, son! I've been trying to tap that spring for years," he winked at Haldir who now looked at him in astonishment before moving close to Felicity.

Felicity leaned into Puck and whispered, "I'm glad you're here, I'm afraid Epoloven has been working overtime and I am sure that Kimber could use a pick me up," she whispered.

"Enough said," he smiled before making his way to the other end of the table.
Haldir took Felicity by the arm and led her back to the table, "What was that all about?" he whispered.

"Oh that's Puck, my mother's servant," she smiled, "he's like a brother to us, keeps things lively."

"Is that how one kisses their brother?" Haldir raised a brow at her, moving his chair closer to hers and putting a possessive arm around her shoulders.

Felicity sighed. She wouldn�t even bother to offer an explanation; he would never understand the bond the three of them shared.

"Puck, please do come and sit down," Queen Titania insisted, motioning to their end of the table. "Lady Galadriel, Lord Celeborn, my apologies for the interrupt," she bowed her head.
"None needed," Galadriel replied as she was a bit taken with Puck's presence, for if nothing else he certainly was entertaining and not to hard on the eyes either.

"There she is! There is my Kimber! Girl, you are looking good enough to eat today," Puck grinned while licking his lips. It was now Legolas� turn to grow concerned as he raised a brow at the male fairy pawning over his future bride and wondering perhaps the same thing Haldir was at this point.

"Who is this Jackal ?" Boromir whispered to Rumil.

"I've never seen him before," the elf insisted, eyes wide at the spectacle.

"Great! The last thing we need around here is another fairy," he seethed.
"Don't you have someone to haunt there, Epi Epperman?" Puck insisted as he grabbed a chair and headed to where Kimber sat, "Why don't you move it over a bit, you're crowding us here," as he began to wedge his seat between Kimber�s and Epoloven�s.

"It seems as though someone has left their manners in Ediwione?" Epoloven hissed as he leaned in close to Puck.

"And it seems as though, someone has left their toothbrush there as well," the spirited fairy retaliated, waving his hand in front of his nose.

"Merry, I think we are going to like him," Pippin smiled.

"Yes Pip, and I think he's just what Kimber needed," he motioned to his friend as the two looked on to see Kimber now smiling widely.

"Ah, Kimber my love1 �Tis good to see your smile once more!" he kissed her on the lips; Legolas eyes grew wide at the scene taking place before he looked at Haldir, who had the same look on his face moments ago.

"Hello, Puck," she smiled shyly.

"Queen Titania," he bowed his head, "King Obi Won Kanobi," bowing once more.

"Puck!" The Queen scolded him as he offered her a pouty lip before putting his arm around Kimber's shoulder. Slowly, he began to survey the room and size up the crowd that now sat before him. This was certainly going to be an interesting couple of days to say the least!

�My Queen, you have my humblest apologies� Hey you down there, next to the small fry,� Puck motioned to Aragorn, �Mind passing the pig?� he smiled.

Kimber and Felicity giggled uncontrollably; suffice to say their respective mates found little humor in Puck�s antics, as Legolas was less than happy to see Puck now massaging Kimber�s shoulders.

�Why did you tell him to sit next to Kimber?� Legolas insisted leaning in close to Felicity.

�Lighten up Leggy! It�s all in good fun my dear. She needed a pick-me up, and if anyone could give anyone a pick me up it�s Puck!� she smiled coyly only to see the scowl remain on Legolas face.

�My dear Prince, it is not as though everything we fairies do is of the sexual nature, or with such intent? Isn�t that right, Haldir?� she grinned at him in a suggestive manner as she guided his hand further up her thigh. He quirked a brow at Legolas, giving him a-�don�t believe any of this� look.

Legolas sighed heavily as he peeked out of his peripheral vision once more. Kimber who once sat staring at him, now paid him no mind as Puck was rubbing the back of her neck; intoxicating her with his wittiness; or at least that�s what it looked like from where he was sitting.

�Oh Puck, stop that!� he could hear her dainty voice amidst all of the conversation and looked to see her slapping his roaming hands away. And her father said little, he only offered the two a look of warning now and again. He sighed heavily once more before he felt Felicity�s hand upon his shoulder.

�Legolas, I know what is going on in that little elf brain of yours! Do not let that bother you; please understand that Puck is like family. Kimber loves you, you�ve got to do right by her, she needs you, she wants you,� she paused before a smirk came over her lips, �Why do you think she would�ve had a go on the �slip and slide� with you if she didn�t,� Felicity snickered, she couldn�t help herself knowing that she didn�t have much on Legolas but this was golden.

�Ouch,� she winced as Haldir pinched her leg.

�That�s enough, my dear,� he smiled politely, allowing his strong hands to roam south once more.

Epoloven was nearing his breaking point now as Puck was inching closer to him, paying no attention as he elbowed him causing to drop his fork, �Why don�t you sit still you fool,� he hissed.

�Envelope,� Puck turned to see Epoloven�s brow dipped in a surley manner, �There are plenty of other chairs here,� he motioned around the room to the other seats available, none of which mind you were at the table, �Why don�t you move.�

�I have earned a seat at this table, you jackal,� Epoloven hissed in a whisper loud enough so only Puck could hear, though he paid him no nevermind as he focused his attention on Kimber once more.

�So, what trouble have you two gotten in since I�ve last seen you?� he insisted placing a hand on her leg.

�No trouble here,� Kimber replied sweetly, batting her lashes.

�Yeah, right! The fact that you two are here, means trouble,� he laughed �and lots of it�let me guess it was that one over there,� he pointed to Felicity inadvertently knocking the spoon out of Epoloven�s hand causing him to drop his potatoes on his lap.

Epoloven had had enough! Standing up, he tossed his napkin to the table before approaching the King, �My Lord might I have a moment of your time,� he insisted. The King obliged and left the room with his advisor only to return a mere five minutes later with Epoloven slinking in behind him.
All eyes followed the King as he re-entered the dining hall; his strides were long and focused and his brow furrowed as he came into their presence once more.

�Oberon?� the Queen offered a look of concern to her husband though he offered her no response, as his concentration was not to be broken. He walked briskly past his seat and over to the west end of the table where he stopped midway. He turned abruptly and positioned himself in between Aragorn and Frodo before slamming his hands down on the table.

Felicity raised a brow at her father who now stood across from her; his gaze hardened. She held her breath for a second, hoping that hrathrath had not come from something she had done.

�Surely I would have expected this from you,� Oberon glared at Haldir for a moment before moving his eye to Legolas. �Do you honestly think I wouldn�t find out?! Do you take me for a fool?!� he challenged the two. Legolas shifted uncomfortably in his chair before turning his head to the March Warden.

�No!� King Oberon reached across the table and grabbed the elf by the chin forcing him to meet his gaze, �You will look at me! You owe me that, you cowardly bastard!�

�Father?!� Kimber objected as she shot up from her seat now, not knowing what the issue had been but she could not sit there and watch her father berate Legolas.

�Kimber!� he bellowed, not even offering her a sideways glance. She stood for a moment before taking her seat, for she had never heard her father speak so sharply.

�King Oberon?� Galadriel questioned softly. The King drew his eye but a moment from Legolas to acknowledge the Lady of the Golden Wood, her expression was peaceful; though he found no comfort in it. �What brings you such anger?�

He looked back at Haldir once more, �You are despicable! Epoloven warned me about you but I figured I would give you the benefit of the doubt; I should have known better, were it not for her,� he glanced at Felicity, �you would surely be dead. And you also,� he shot a glare at Legolas.

�Mer? What�s goin� on?� Pippin whispered to his comrade. The scene at hand was making him feel a bit uneasy.

�I don�t know Pip,� Merry replied spooning a heap of mashed potatoes on his plate, �but I�ve got a feeling it�s not very good!�

�Now don�t go eatin� all of those potatoes Meriodic BrandyBuck!� Samwise insisted in between nibbles of carrots and glances at the King, �You�d better be saving some for the rest of us.�
�Oberon!� The Queen stood to her feet now; though the King didn�t miss a beat as he looked to her, �Silence woman! You have no idea what these maniacal little imps have been plotting,� he seethed before turning to the two of them once more. �That�s right, I know about your little plan, Prince! To wed my daughter without consent with the aid of this�this�mongrel,� he pointed a finger at Haldir, who tossed his napkin in his lap.

�King Oberon�� Celeborn tried to intercede before Felicity stood to her feet.

�Get your finger out of his face, who do you think you are?� she huffed; having had quite enough.

�Who do I think I am?� he hollered, �who do I think I am? Felicity, know this�contrary to what your little Warden here would have you believe, I �am� your Ada,� he shot a glare at Haldir, �and I make the rules concerning my fa, no, no one else!� he shouted.

�Do you think we should try to slip out of here?� Gimli whispered to Boromir.

He nodded in response before offering, �Yes, I think it is going to be getting very uncomfortable around here, though it might be best if I go first then you wait for a few moments and follow suit,� he didn�t want to cause more of a scene then there already was.

Boromir shook his head as he stood up; he had known right from the beginning that this was a ide idea and he quickly deduced that perhaps the fairies, as a species, were evil. He looked at the hobbits as they continued to devour their meal before bending down to Gimli once more, �Just be sure you get the little ones to go also. I will be waiting by the ranges, we can all meet up there,� Gimli nodded in response before shifting his eye to the King once more.

Oberon paused and looked down the table to his daughter "Kimber off to your room! You will be leaving today!� he commanded before gesturing to Reitnor to escort her to her bedchambers; he obliged and led a sobbing Kimber out of the room.

�Father!� Felicity screamed, �She cannot go, she will miss my wedding!�

�Felicity!� he retorted, �Do not challenge me! I have seen too much of how your influence affects your sister, she will go home today!�

�Oberon!� the Queen threw her napkin to the table and walked over to where her husband stood. All eyes watched in horror as she snapped her fingers and a clamp fastened his mouth shut.

�Merry! Did you see that?!� Pippin looked a might shocked at the metallic fastening on the Kings lips; Puck let out a hefty laugh, but stifled it quickly at the Kings glare as the clamp dissipated.

�Do not test me woman!� he challenged; �Not here, not now!�

�You are making a fool of yourself again Oberon! What has gotten in to you?� she questioned.

�It�s that Envelope!� Puck shouted from the far end of the table, �Epi Epperman!�

�You are the last to be speaking ill of him,� the King replied sharply, �Were it not for him, our little friends here would�ve gotten away with their deviplotplot to overthrow my throne.�

�Your Highness, I have never had any intention in wanting your title, I merely wanted your daughter�s hand,� Legolas began in his own defense.

�Oh I know what you wanted,� the King huffed, �and I know by what means you elves do your business, isn�t that right Warden?� Haldir stood to his feet.

�Haldir,� Celeborn motioned for the Warden to take his seat once more; he was obedient.

�What�s this? Has self-control finally surfaced here?� the King seethed once more as he looked at the Warden before shifting his eye to Felicity, who lunged at him over the table; she nearly missed him and landed in the heaping bowl of mashed potatoes, knocking Frodo�s cup to the floor. The hobbit helped her to her feet and inched over to her as she now stood next to her father.

�Now that�s a sad story,� Samwise �what do you suppose will come of those potatoes?� he sighed.

�They�re still good,� Merry insisted.

�Yeah, it�s not as though they fell on the floor or nothing,� Pippin agreed.

�I�ve eaten potatoes off of the floor before, they are not that bad,� Merry rubbed his chin before taking a bite from one of his carrots.

�Well I have got news for you my little elves, for all of you in fact,� the King�s breathing was erratic now and his eyes widened, �Kimber is now spoken for! As of today, she will return to Ediwione and wed Epoloven,� he announced.

The Queen let out a gasp and Felicity�s mouth nearly hit the table.

�NOOOO!� Felicity grabbed the King by the tunic and pulled him down to the table. Aragorn and Frodo pulled her from the King as Haldir swiftly came over the table and gathered her to him trying to calm her down. Legolas was now standing to his feet and was about to challenge the King when Queen Titania stepped over to him; the King sat up once more and faced his wife.

�Kimber will marry him over my dead body!!!� she poked him in the chest.

�That can be arranged my dear,� the King shot back now as Puck stood to his feet and made his way over to the group to offer his objections; Celeborn and Galadriel looked on in horror as an all out brawl looked as though it were about to ensue.
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Elves Make For Strange Bedfellows