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Path of Honor-Part II: Far From Home	By : IdrilsSecret Category: +Third Age > Slash - Male/Male Views: 4869 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or any of its characters. I make no money in the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 22
- 23
- 24
Chapter 23

I glanced around, finding the area deserted, and lightly knocked on Túron’s door. It felt odd to be here. Túron and I hadn’t seen or spoken to each other much lately. For one, I’d been very busy. For another, since he learned of the seriousness of my relationship with Legolas, he stepped back giving me plenty of space.
I knocked again, and once more, my wrapping becoming desperate. Finally, the handle jiggled and the door cracked open. Túron peered out and saw me, and then opened the door a little wider.
“Rúmil? W-What are you doing here? Everything alright? Has something happened?” he said in a groggy voice.
“I apologize for my rude intrusion, but … I-I needed someone to . . . Oh, I do hope I’m not interrupting–”
“Nothing of the sort,” he replied to save me my embarrassment. “It’s just me, no one else is here.” Túron opened the door even more and waved me in. “Come on then, I’ll put on some tea.”
I went inside, but stood just within the threshold. Túron moved towards his kitchen, but he turned to see if I was following him. When he saw that I wasn’t, he gestured to a set of chairs by the hearth. “Make yourself comfortable. I’ll be right back.”
The ashes were cold in the mouth of the fireplace. I thought it would be polite to start a small, cozy fire, and got to work. With everything in place, I struck a piece of flint a few times and got it started. After a little while, Túron came out of the kitchen, and came over to stand by me.
“The tea shouldn’t take too long, so while we wait, why don’t you tell me what is going on?”
I stood from lighting the fire, laid my hand on the mantel and stared at the growing flames. “I’m not even sure I’ve made the right decision to come here. I’ve a personal matter that I need to come to a decision about, and I was looking for an ear to bend.”
Túron smiled. “If it’s any consolation, I’m happy you came to me.”
“It’s about Legolas and me,” I told him, more as a warning.
“In that case, I understand your hesitancy, but I’m still glad you thought of me first,” he said kindly.
“It’s just … we have … history, and I didn’t want to cause any awkwardness,” I stammered.
“Our history is just that. It happened a long time ago. But we are friends now, and I think we’ve both come to accept that fact. I’ve always told you that I’m here for you, Rúmil. So think nothing more of it. If you need to talk, please, don’t hesitate.”
“Thank you, Túron. That is very kind of you. Well, as I said, it’s about Legolas and me,” I started and took a seat on one of the chairs in front of the fireplace. Túron joined me by taking the other one.
“I hope you two haven’t had a falling out or anything,” Túron mentioned.
“No, nothing like that. Actually, it’s quite the opposite. He … uh … he’s asked me to … to … perform a … a, uh . . .” I paused to take a breath and find my words. “He’s asked me to become his bond mate.”
Túron seemed a bit shocked and taken aback. His eyebrows went up and he blinked several times. “Oh … wow … well, this is some news, isn’t it?”
“I was just as shocked when I read his letter–”
“Wait, he proposed in a letter?” Túron asked.
“I know it doesn’t sound very romantic, but considering the circumstances . . .”
“I’m sure he has his reasons,” Túron said judgingly. “However, that’s not the reason you are here. So let me guess. You’re not sure whether or not to accept.”
“I don’t know if I can accept at all. Just being as I am puts me at risk every day. Raenor still watches my every move, even though he’s been less visible lately. He’s just waiting for the perfect opportunity, and I can think of no better way to have me discredited than by finding out that the March warden of Lothlórien is betrothed to the Prince of Mirkwood. He’ll stop at nothing. You know that. Raenor’s the reason you and I–” I cut my words short.
“Of course I know that. I know it all too well,” he said solemnly. I shouldn’t have brought it up, but Túron seemed to let it fall to the wayside. He smiled kindly towards me. “My dear Rúmil, what it basically comes down to is the same choice you’ve always had to make, love or duty, and something tells me that choice has never been harder.”
“The thing is, Legolas is willing to help me have both,” I told him.
“I’m not sure I know what you mean.”
I explained. “He said we can have a private ceremony in Mirkwood. No one, except a couple witnesses, will know.”
“So, you will be bound, but still separated by your homes.”
“Just business as usual. We would have to make plans to see each other, and I think that with my position, I’ll be able to make visitations to Mirkwood. Legolas wouldn’t be able to come here as often, and it’s probably better that way. For me, though, I can plan strategic visits to Mirkwood as an ambassador for our city, or something along those lines. I did, after all, develop a comradery with King Thranduil, which is more than I can say for Haldir. Those two never quite got along. Anyways, that’s when I’ll be able to spend time with Legolas, and no one will be the wiser here in Lothlórien, unless Raenor decides to send spies on my trail, which I highly doubt.” I was rambling, I know, but it was making sense to me. That was why I came to Túron in the first place. I knew he would let me run my plans past him without being overly advised.
“Have you even heard yourself?” Túron said, surprising me.
“Of course. I’ve been doing nothing but thinking this through all day to the point that I couldn’t sleep, which is why I’m here and not at home right now.”
“No, that’s not it at all,” Túron said as though upset with me. “I know how you feel about Legolas. I’ve seen it in your eyes. You love him, probably more than you’ve ever loved anyone. But you also love your home and being a soldier. In the past, you might have been able to make things work in your favor. You’ve kept your private life separate from your public one. This time, I don’t think you can do that. Think about it. Legolas has asked you to be his bond mate, and that’s not something to take lightly. So do you want to start out this new life in this manner, having to hide, not being with each other every moment of every day, only seeing each other when time and duty permits? Or do you want to leap into it as the elf you’ve always wanted to be, free and unrestricted? That is what you need to decide. I don’t think this time you can have it both ways, my friend.” As he finished, the kettle began whistling. He stood, but before he went, Túron laid a firm hand on my shoulder and gave a squeeze. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. Then he went into the kitchen to fetch our tea.
There was a lot to interpret from that gesture. Besides the obvious in which he was confirming everything he just said, it also meant he wished he could have been the one in Legolas’ spot. Túron and I will always have a certain personal connection between us, but we know that now the connection is in the form of friendship. That’s something that will never change.
After a bit, he came back with tea. We sat and sipped in silence, the crackling fire the only thing making sound in the room. It wasn’t uncomfortable. As a matter of fact, it felt very homey.
“You know what it will mean if I come out and announce myself to everyone,” I said once the silence became deafening.
“Yes, and I know that you do not wish to put the burden on your brothers.”
“But I cannot just slip away like you have done in the past.”
Túron shook his head. “Definitely not. That will only cause more talk and suspicion.”
“I guess I have more to think about than whether or not to say yes,” I said rather solemnly.
“I wish I could help you in some way,” he offered.
“Just having someone to talk to is more than enough help. Thank you, Túron. If there’s ever anything I can do for you . . .”
He sipped his tea and then smiled. “You can invite me to the ceremony.”
“If there is one,” I said to myself in a hushed breath.
>>------->
I spent the next few weeks burying myself in work during the day so that I didn’t have to come to a decision about Legolas and me. He’d told me to take my time, and that’s exactly what I was doing. Actually, I was more or less putting it off as long as I could get away with it. Legolas would want an answer at some point. He wasn’t the most patient elf in the world.
Another decision I needed to come to was what to do about Haldir. Every time I saw him, he seemed a little more restrained in his manner and speech. Now that I knew what was tormenting him, I felt as though I needed to say or do something. However, he’d spoken to Legolas in confidence that it would be kept secret until Haldir decided to tell Orophin and I. Perhaps I needed to talk to Orophin, let him know what I already knew. Orophin would want to confront our brother, though, and I wasn’t sure that was the right thing to do either. It was times like this that I wished I could crawl into a cave and become invisible, out of sight and mind until I could sort out my own problems. I decided I was already suffering in silence enough about Legolas and his proposal. I wasn’t going to do the same about Haldir.
As the day was nearing its end, I paid Orophin a visit while he was still in his Captain quarters. He smiled welcomingly when I entered, probably glad I was not another soldier requesting something.
“Well, isn’t this a pleasant surprise. And what brings you, brother. And please don’t tell me you’re sending my troops out to do more training. They’ve just come back from a strenuous stay at the borders, and they are looking forward to a healthy amount of reprieve, as am I.” He went to a shelf and poured two glasses of wine.
“You’re in luck, it’s not business that brings me here,” I smiled back as he handed me a glass.
Orophin looked slightly guilty. “Don’t worry. I save this for special visitors only.”
“Glad to know I’m special,” I jested. We each sipped our wine before I went on. “Actually, I’m here to discuss Haldir.”
“What now? Is he refusing to let the nurses in his house again?”
“He’s been rather cooperative about that lately. No. It’s something else, something I was told in confidence, but that I thought you needed to know also. I would appreciate it if this stays in this room until we figure out what to do.”
Orophin set his glass down and leaned forward in his chair, giving me his full attention. “What is it? What is wrong?” he said in a serious manner.
“I’ve been told, by a valid source, that Haldir . . .” I paused to take a breath. “He has heard the call.”
Orophin sat leaning forward, unmoving, as the words sunk in. What he said in return took me by surprise. “I was afraid of this. So it’s true then. Haldir has the sea longing.”
“Wait, what do you mean? You knew this already?”
“Not in a confirmed way. I just had a feeling.” He looked up at me. “How did you come by this information?”
“Legolas,” I said quietly, knowing the name brought up like this was a sore subject to Orophin’s ears. “Haldir spoke to him about it.”
“Why Legolas and not his own brothers?” Orophin asked, disturbed a bit as I was when Legolas told me.
“Long story short, Haldir didn’t want to burden us.”
Orophin picked his glass up again and gave half a laugh. “That’s Haldir, isn’t it? Suffer in silence to spare his brothers.”
“But you said you perceived something like this,” I pointed out.
“It was just a feeling, but nothing to dwell on. I kept telling myself that he’s been in a slump ever since losing the use of his legs, and that eventually he would be himself again. So, what do you think brought this on?”
“I think you are partly right about his state. Haldir was a fierce warrior, one of the bravest and boldest, and within moments, it was all taken away from him. That kind of sudden change must do something to the soul. And when the soul is damaged, we are either saved by the longing, or we fade. Haldir is too strong willed to fade. But he is also too stubborn to tell anyone, especially his own kin. He fears we will follow him. That and he still feels responsible for us. Remember what father told him?”
Orophin nodded. “He made Haldir our guardian, to see that we followed the right path.”
“I think we need to let him know that he’s gone above and beyond for us, but we must make our own fates from here. We need to let him go just as much as he needs to let us go.” As I said this, it really sunk in, and it saddened me.
“The end of the Lórien Three,” Orophin said in a faraway voice.
“Not the end, brother, just a bit of a reprieve. We’ll be together again on those distance golden shores.”
Orophin was silently thinking about our conversation. I think he knew this was the right thing to do. There was no point in having Haldir suffer silently just to keep the three of us together. We were not elflings anymore. We had been making our own decisions for a long time now.
“I guess you are right, Rúmil, but how do we go about telling him?” Orophin asked.
“We just do,” I said. “We tell him to go and find peace, but to keep an eye on the horizon, for one day we would all be together again.” I stood and went next to my brother, clasping his shoulder. “Because if we don’t, I fear Haldir will never catch that ship, and his light will slowly fade. Then, we will never be the Lórien Three again.”
I went home that night and thought about my own advice. I’d told Orophin that we were making our own choices now, our own paths, but I wondered if I had ever really done that. If my father hadn’t insisted that Haldir, Orophin and I become soldiers, would I have followed suit? Of course, I have no regrets. I love having a military life, it just hasn’t been as easy for me as for others for obvious reasons. And now, will I choose to stay on as March warden because I want it or because of my brothers. If I choose to bond to Legolas, is it solely my decision or is it because I don’t want to lose him. All of this mind searching was doing nothing to bring me closer to an answer. It was making my head swirl, making me question my own path. Had it ever really been my path to begin with?
>>------->
Orophin and I waited a few days before we approached Haldir. We wanted to allow ourselves time to come to terms with what we were about to do, and that was to tell our brother that we were giving him permission to satisfy the sea longing and sail. I was surprised at how hard this was on Orophin. Maybe it was because he and Haldir were closer in age. They always did seem to have a slightly tighter bond with each other than with me. Not to say that I was treated as an outcast, but being the youngest of the three, I was always on my own a bit more while Haldir and Orophin always had each other.
Haldir knew we were coming to his home, and he was waiting for us by the time we arrived. He invited us in, and we ate and drank while sharing stories of the recent days. Haldir asked me a lot of questions about my not so new position. He just wanted to make sure I was still happy being March warden, which I was. I think he was satisfying his own question as to whether or not he made the right choice to promote me into the position.
“Everything is fine and running smoothly, Haldir. Nothing to be concerned about. I know what I am doing now,” I told him.
“Yes,” Orophin agreed quickly. “Rúmil fits in perfectly, and we haven’t even skipped a beat.”
After a little bit more discussion, Haldir asked Orophin to run to the kitchen for something. As Orophin left, he looked back at me and made a face. He wanted me to bring up the real reason we were here. Leave it to my brother to make me open the dialog while he was absent from the room.
After he left, Haldir wheeled his chair closer to me and whispered. “Are you really happy?”
I crinkled my brow. “Of course I am. Why? Have you heard differently?”
“No, but sometimes you seem distant, more than usual.”
“I could say the same about you,” I told him. Here we go, I thought.
“You know this has been difficult for me,” Haldir said, looking down at his legs. “Useless things,” he complained.
“I know, and I sense something else from you also. Haldir, I don’t mean to pry but–”
“He told you, didn’t he?” Haldir asked.
“Who?” I wanted to make sure we were discussing the same person.
“Legolas,” he answered. “Of course he would. He would never keep anything from you. So, you know about me, but let me assure you, I have it under control.”
“How long have you heard the call?” I wondered.
“It was not long after we returned from the battle. It came to me in a dream, I think. It was a confusing time back then. I was in and out of consciousness. At first there were whispers, barely audible. Come home, they were saying, relieve your anguish. They promised me my freedom back. I can be whole again, and my mind can be at ease. And I want to go, Rúmil. Oh, how I long to go, but I worry about what I leave behind.” Haldir stopped talking and looked over his shoulder when he heard Orophin enter the room. His eyes turned by to me. “Does he?”
I nodded. “Yes, I told him what Legolas told me, but you should know that he only confirmed what Orophin and I already suspected.”
Haldir sat back and looked at Orophin as he came to take a seat. “So it is true?” Oro asked and Haldir nodded. “Why do you stay then?” Orophin asked, confused. “Why torment yourself?”
“It is not torment. It does not pain me. It’s more like desire, as in you want what you can’t have,” he explained.
“But you can have it,” Orophin argued. “All you have to do is go. You’re being called home, Hal.”
“They can call all they want, but I won’t go until I am ready. I’m not to that point yet.”
“Is it because of Orophin and me?” I asked. “Do you worry about leaving us behind?”
“Of course I worry. You are my brothers. We’ve always been together. But it’s something more than that. I don’t feel that I’ve accomplished everything I should have. There’s something more, something I’m missing, and I’m just not ready to leave,” Haldir said. Then he smiled, but there was no joy in his eyes. “Do not fret, my brothers. When the time comes, I will let you know. Besides, it’s not as though I would flee in the middle of the night. I can’t exactly make the journey to the Grey Havens on my own,” he said with a sad attempt at humor.
We finished out our evening feeling better now that we all knew what was going on. I think Haldir was relieved that we finally had this conversation. Orophin still seemed concerned, but at least he was informed now. No more living in denial about Haldir’s condition. Our brother would never walk again as long as he dwelled on these shores. Perhaps when he sailed to Valinor, he would be whole again. It was still a mystery to the elves of Middle-earth as to what happened to us when we sailed to our mysterious homeland.
>>------->
So far, after a few months, I had avoided answering Legolas’ letter. I knew he expected to hear from me by now, and I was sure he was getting antsy about it. I got my answer when a letter came. A messenger delivered it, and it had been sitting on my desk most of the day. Every time I glanced across my desk, the wax seal would catch my eye. He wanted an answer. He was tired of waiting. Eventually, I opened the letter and began reading. Just as I thought, he wasn’t overly happy. He’d been waiting for months to hear from me, just to let him know that I was still around, and still considering his proposal. He didn’t ask or demand an answer, and I was slightly relieved. However, reading into his words, I knew he wished I would let him know. I just wasn’t ready yet. It was such a huge decision. I loved him without a doubt, but I still needed to consider what I was giving up and how it would affect my brothers.
He had good news to share that came from Gondor, which we already knew about because Lady Galadriel had announced it not long before. Lady Arwen and the newly crowned King of Gondor, Aragorn, were finally to marry. He proposed the day he was crowned. Legolas said he had been there as a representative of Mirkwood, and because he was a member of the original fellowship. He was home in Mirkwood now, but he would return soon for the ceremony. Legolas spoke a little about the wonders of Gondor and the city of Minas Tirith. It had so much to offer, he mentioned. Legolas seemed mesmerized by its beauty and potential. Potential for what, I wondered. It was a human city, and I couldn’t understand what its draw might be. No place could have been more beautiful or magical than Lothlórien. Of course, I was partial since it was my begetting place. I would have thought Legolas would feel just as strongly about Mirkwood, even though it had been shrouded in darkness for so long. He would have ties to his home, and not just family. The ground in Mirkwood was the first his feet touched, and there were tendrils of longing for the familiar that would bind him to that place. Suddenly, I remembered something I overheard when he was talking with Haldir that night, the same night my brother confessed to Legolas about his sea longing. Legolas had sounded worried about not being able to find peace amongst the trees again. I didn’t know what he meant at first, but I thought it had something to do with all the horrors he’d seen during his travels, things that haunted him even now.
I returned to the letter after my brief pondering. He was asking me to accompany him to the wedding in Gondor, to either travel there together or meet him there, which ever was the most convenient for me. I knew Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn were going. They wouldn’t miss seeing their granddaughter celebrate such a joyous day. I figured, if I went, I would have to travel with the Lothlórien company. That would also mean that I’d be tied at the hip with them while visiting the White City. Again, it would be a complicated thing to achieve, putting on my usual display, and trying to find time to meet secretly with Legolas. I imagined what it might be like if we were already bound, and having to sneak around just to be together under the noses of those who would disapprove. Túron’s words came back to me. Was that really how I wanted to enter into the sanctity of bonding? My heart hurt to think about it, and I found myself beginning to sway towards a decision.
After giving it a lot of serious thought, I decided that I needed to see Legolas. I would ask for permission to join the Lórien party and go to Gondor. I would just deal with the situation, and as always, Legolas and I would find ways around it. Besides, Gondor was much bigger than Lothlórien, and we managed to slip away unnoticed here. It would probably be easier to go undetected in Minas Tirith as long as my company didn’t need my constant attendance. There were still a couple months yet, plenty of time for me to put things in place here while I was away. I knew Orophin would cover most of my duties, and for those times he couldn’t I would have other responsible elves ready to take up the slack.
I retrieved a piece of parchment and wrote back to Legolas, anxious to get this letter sent, letting him know I would meet him there. I really wished we could have traveled together, just the two of us and all the freedom in the world as we made our way to Gondor. Nights sleeping under the stars, making love beneath the boughs of the trees, the occasional stop at an inn where the innkeeper would think it odd that two males would share one room and one bed. We would leave our titles behind, and throw caution to the wind. Let those who didn’t understand keep wondering. What would we care? We would have each other, and nothing else would matter. And with those thoughts, I realized how much I longed to be with him, uninhibited. Ai, I would have to choose very soon before my emotions drove me insane. Túron was right. This time I couldn’t have it both ways.
While in the middle of writing my letter to Legolas, there was a knock on my office door, and a messenger flew in before I could tell him to enter. He was out of breath and sweating, probably from his sprint to the officer quarters. The first thing I observed was that he’d come quite a way from wherever the trouble was, and judging by the urgency on his countenance, some major event had or was happening.
“March warden, you must come quickly,” the messenger panted.
“What is it?” I asked, keeping a calm demeanor.
“A fight has broken out at the training grounds.”
“A fight? Is that all? Tell them to settle it quickly or they must report to me.” Arguments and the occasional fight happened from time to time, especially when the young soldiers started showing off in front of their competition. “Where is the Captain on duty? Why did you not report this to him?”
“Because it involves him, my lord,” he said, fearful of my reaction.
“One of my Captains?” I said with a raised voice. “Who in Middle-earth would one of my Captains be fighting with?”
“Captain Merco, the captain on duty was confronted by Captain Istya from March warden Raenor’s regiment.” The messenger began pacing nervously. “I apologize March warden Rúmil, but it is only first years on the practice field at the moment, and no one was willing to come between those two much more powerful elves.”
I was seething. What kind of example were they setting for the young soldiers by having a physical confrontation in front of them? I left my office abruptly, the messenger in tow as I marched off towards the practice field. “Whose turn was it for time on the field?” I demanded.
“Captain Merco, my lord.”
That meant Captain Istya had no business being there. Merco would have had another hour of training with his men. I wondered what would have sparked this, and the fact that it was one of Raenor’s men made me skeptical. “Has March warden Raenor been notified?”
“I didn’t think to send someone to inform him,” the messenger said hesitantly.
Just as well for now, I thought. It was probably better for me to find out what sparked this on my own before Raenor got involved and complicated matters. I rushed down to the field, messenger following on my heels. Just another day on the job, I sighed.
>>------->
As it turned out, the argument was over an elleth … what else. It seemed both Captains had been pining for the same elleth, trying to win her over. They had been in competition for a while, each one trying to outdo the other. It wasn’t completely their fault. The elleth, from what I gathered, seemed to enjoy the attention as both elves did their best to convince her of who she should choose. Things got heated when my captain was leaving with his regiment while Raenor’s captain was just taking the field. They passed one another, words were exchanged, a challenge ensued, and that’s when I was called upon. As March warden, it is my duty to reprimand both parties, even if they are not under my direct command. However, I liked to inform the other March warden and discuss a proper discipline that would be agreeable to both sides. In this case, they were both at fault. It didn’t matter who started it, they were equally wrong. So I sent Captain Merco and Captain Istya home for the day, and demanded that neither one contact each other or the elleth involved until further notice. Now, and I wasn’t looking forward to this, I had to speak with Raenor about his officer.
It was always a chore to talk to Raenor about anything. The fact that we did not get along didn’t help matters much. Most of the time, he didn’t want to hear what I had to say, even when it was just a minor complication. I already suspected he would not be pleased to learn about his captain, and he would try to pin the blame mostly on my man. I was not the type to fold, though, and Raenor knew that about me.
As I prepared my mind to be on the offensive, I went to my office first. I wanted to write out a report while the details were still fresh in my mind. Talking to Raenor tended to scatter my thoughts as my ire dominated my emotions. I entered the room and there was Raenor sitting at my desk, feet on top, crossed at the ankles, and wearing a smug look. Great, I thought to myself. He’s already heard.
“I suppose you heard about the skirmish between our men, and you’re here because you aren’t happy with the way I handled things,” I started straight off. Might as well say it before he did.
“Actually, I’ve known about the tension between these two for a while. I was notified and thought I’d save you a trip to my office to find me. Hope you don’t mind that I let myself in,” Raenor said arrogantly.
“I don’t mind, but I do mind that you’re sitting behind my desk.” I waved him away with my hand, but he didn’t move. “Raenor,” I complained. “I don’t have time for–”
“Mind telling me what this might be?” he asked, holding a piece of parchment up.
Instantly, I knew what it was … the letter I was writing to Legolas. I had left it on my desk instead of locking it away in a drawer. But I’d been called away with urgency, and I forgot. My mind began quickly reimagining what I wrote. I didn’t think it was too incriminating. I was telling Legolas that I would meet him in Gondor. I was pretty sure I didn’t write anything that would give away our relationship. I couldn’t be one hundred percent sure, and now I was worried.
I marched over to the desk and snagged the letter from Raenor’s hand. “That is none of your business.”
“You left it out for anyone to read,” he said to make a point.
“It is in my office on my desk, and you have no right to go through my personal effects,” I complained, tucking the letter inside my tunic.
“My, my, we’re a bit defensive, aren’t we?”
“Imagine if I had gone into your office and started rifling through your things. You would be just as upset,” I countered.
“I imagine it would … ruffle a few of my feathers. However, I’ve nothing to hide.” Raenor stood from my desk and walked out in front of it, leaning against its edge. “So tell me, Rúmil, how you have been given permission to leave Lothlórien to attend the royal wedding when none of the other March wardens were invited, and by the Prince of Mirkwood no less.”
“I don’t owe you any kind of explanation.”
“No, you don’t.” His eyes narrowed on me. “But you will.”
“What are you talking about,” I said angrily.
“Well, while you were out taking care of the scuffle at the fields, I did a little investigating of my own, and I found out that as far as anyone knows, it is just Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn who are traveling to Gondor. You’ve not been given permission to leave, but in that letter you were writing, you seem very sure that you’ll be joining Prince Legolas.”
“I have developed a professional acquaintance with King Thranduil, and if I’ve been invited to attend a wedding in–”
“But it is not the King who has invited you. Why would he? Thranduil has not left his precious home in many years, and he isn’t going to leave now.” Raenor crossed his arms and stared me down. “You can see how my curiosity got the best of me, so I sent an associate to your home.”
“You what?” I almost shouted. I was losing my cool. “That is an invasion of my privacy.”
“Under different circumstances, yes, but this letter is enough to open an investigation into possible neglect of one of our military laws.” He gave me a sickly smirk. “And something I’ve suspected for a long time now. Actually, it’s something I know to be true. I just haven’t been able to produce solid evidence.”
“That’s because there is none. This is ridiculous. I demand that you leave this instant.”
“Not just yet,” Raenor said coolly. He reached into his tunic and took out another parchment. My heart dropped as adrenaline rushed through my body. No, I thought, dear Valar no. Raenor unfolded the paper and his eyes scanned it quickly. “Hmm,” he said. “Well, it was written a few months ago. Ai, Rúmil, you sure take your time in making decisions, don’t you? So tell me, did you accept his proposal? Is that why you’re running off to Gondor?” He took a couple steps forward until he was right in front of me and stared me down. “Did you say yes to Legolas?”
I was suddenly dizzy and weak in my legs. My stomach felt as though it was about to rid itself of its contents. I stumbled backwards until the back of my legs bumped into the couch on the opposite side of the room, and I collapsed. I felt like the wind was just knocked out of me. My biggest fear had finally come true. Hard evidence of my private life was now publically known. I should have burned that letter. I knew I should have. I’d always done it in the past. Why didn’t I do it this time?
I slowly lifted my eyes to him. “Raenor, please don’t do this,” I begged.
“Oh, this is much too easy. I’ve always known, Rúmil. I’ve at least suspected it, but you’ve managed to hide it, to cover it up. It was only a matter of time before you slipped up.”
“Think of what you’re doing not only to me but my brothers,” I pleaded.
He huffed a laugh. “That’s an odd thing to say. You know, your father did not take into account what might happen to my father when he exposed his secret. Lagordir made a fool of my father, and now I’m going to do the same thing to you.”
“I know you’ve always had a personal vendetta against me and my family, but I’m asking you … begging you to leave Haldir and Orophin out of this.” I didn’t know what else to do at this point. Raenor had control right now, and my head was still in a fog. I gave in to save my brothers any kind of embarrassment. “What do you want from me? Name it and I’ll do it, but please, just leave Haldir and Orophin out of this.”
“And why would I want to do that?” Raenor asked in a slow menacing voice. “Watching you squirm is rather enjoyable, but if I make this a family affair–”
“You can’t, Raenor. You don’t … you don’t know this but … Haldir … he’s … he’s heard the calling. He’ll be leaving soon, sailing to Valinor. Let him go with honor. Don’t let this black cloud hang over him.”
“And what about Orophin. He’s staying, I’m sure. Such a reputable captain, and a real stickler for the laws. I guess you know it was me who sent him to your home that time. Did he catch you in the middle of something? You know why I did that, don’t you? I knew he wouldn’t turn you in. I knew he’d let it slide, but in doing so, it made him an accomplice. So when I go to the Lord and Lady to report you, Orophin will go down with you because he knew. And then your family will be ruined just like mine was.”
I really couldn’t believe this was happening. I’d always been so careful. And now, one little slip up, and my whole life as I knew it was about to end. There had to be a way to reason with Raenor. There had to be something I could do. “Alright,” I agreed. “You can turn me in, have me ostracized from the army. You can ruin my whole family in the process, but what satisfaction will that give you? Only a temporary one. I know I’m in no position to bargain, but hear me out. Leave my brothers alone and take me instead.”
“What do you mean?” Raenor asked skeptically.
“I’ll do whatever you want. Name your price, Raenor, but don’t tarnish my brother’s good names.”
This made Raenor think a moment. “So let me get this straight. I’ve got solid proof that you and Legolas … uh, I can’t even bring myself to say it. And you want me to do nothing?”
“What I want is for you to leave them be.”
“But that would require allowing you to keep your current position. I don’t know,” he pondered.
“Anything you want, Raenor. Just tell me what to do.”
He paced back and forth a few time, taking my offer into consideration. “Anything?”
I nodded reluctantly, and I thought I saw him smile. Finally, Raenor answered. “I want you to tear up that letter in your pocket and write a new one telling Legolas you want nothing else to do with him … that he should leave you alone.”
Shit, that’s not what I had in mind, but Raenor had full control right now. Still . . . “I-I don’t know if I can do that.”
“You said anything, remember? This would be a good start,” he smiled cruelly.
“What you’re asking me to do could ruin everything I have with Legolas.”
“Or I could leave now and go to Lady Galadriel,” Raenor interrupted with little emotion.
I looked around my office, trying to think of a better way than this. If I wrote that letter, Legolas would be devastated and so would I. We’d become very close to one another. If I broke his heart now, I might never see him again. But if I didn’t do as Raenor said, my family would be the ones with broken hearts and tarnished reputations because of me. Maybe I was a fool to ever think I could actually have both lives, my military one and a love life. I’d always had to choose before. Now I was choosing again, although this time I was being forced to. Did our love span past something like this? Would Legolas seek me out for an explanation? Would he be fed up with me and be glad I was gone?
I needed time to come up with a solution to this disastrous problem, but I had to give Raenor an answer right now. The last thing I wanted to do was to let him win, but there was no other choice. “Fine,” I agreed reluctantly. “I’ll do as you say, as long as you leave my brothers out of this, and let it remain between you and me.”
“Agreed … for now anyways.” Raenor made his way to my office door, but stopped at my side and eyed me. “But if you try anything at all, everyone in Lothlórien will know your secret before the sun sets. Have that letter ready to be sent by morning. I’ll send my own personal messenger to deliver it.” He left and I could finally breathe. How was I going to get myself out of this one?
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Path of Honor-Part II: Far From Home