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Return to Mirkwood COMPLETE	By : skon Category: -Multi-Age > General Views: 5412 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 28
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Title: Return to Mirkwood
Chapter 31.
Author: Sarah
Pairing: Legolas/Gimli
Rating: PG this chapter.

Warnings: Angst.
Beta, helpful suggestions and wonderful encouragement: Vinni. Thank you! Any mistakes left are mine.
Author's notes: Thank you to those that have given me encouragement. Thank you to erobey for all the support and aid. Thank you Minuial for the lovely words concerning Return. Hugs to you. Thank you Sian. I am so glad that you tried the story and like it. I love the pairing and I'm always glad when someone else can enjoy it too. erobey, thank you for the delightful compliments. Brazgirl, thank you for the wonderful review. Your comments make me happy.
Disclaimer: Tolkien owns them. I make no money. The Legolas and Gimli I write belong to Tolkien. They are not related to the movie characters.
Archive: Axe and Bow. Others please ask.
Feedback: Please.

The party was held indoors due to the storm raging outside. Gimli sat quietly in a chair thinking over the events of the evening. He and Legolas had met Celduil and Lastand in the corridors. The two were late to the celebration just as Legolas and Gimli were. They had their arms around each other and radiated happiness.
Upon seeing Gimli, Celduil had hugged the dwarf and muttered "Perhaps throwing dwarves in dungeons is a good idea. I am not sure I want you to leave the Greenwood."
Gimli had not taken offence. He had discerned that it was Celduil's way of re-claiming his pride after the dwarf's words at the ceremony and also an expression of gratitude.
Legolas' hand had remained on Gimli's shoulder but he had displayed no possessiveness.
Lastand had said "You have given me my husband back and I am very grateful."
As they walked together to the party Lastand mentioned that they had been in their chambers in the fortress since yesterday.
All of Celduil's line visited Gimli that night to convey gratitude. Gimli knew the sons. Celund was not married but Varyar was and had three offspring. Gimli could place them too and the ones in the next generation but after that he began to get confused. Ingmar stopped by to thank Gimli and then the dwarf was really puzzled. He had been certain that Ingmar was from Tasar's line.
The party went on with much drinking, singing, and dancing. Gimli watched the King make his way around the room. Gimli was familiar with his pattern. The Lord would eventually talk to everyone in the room including giving compliments to the servants. He would wish Lire a good night after hugging her. Sometimes, Thranduil would carry her around with him for a short time.
When the King came to Gimli's side, the dwarf realised that he was being treated as one of the Lord's people and recalled with a start Legolas' words, "Our King now." Gimli had not really considered this before and he had no time to as Legolas' father asked him, "Are you enjoying the party?"
"Aye, my Lord." He glanced up at the King.
Thranduil sat in a chair nearby and gazing at Legolas, who a short distance away was talking to Orontem, said "It was easy with my first two sons. Celduil, being the heir, understands that he cannot put himself into dangerous situations often. Tasar has never had the aspiration to stray far from home. Legolas has always believed that because he is the youngest, he should be allowed to go on patrols as often as he wished. I, however, have felt that because he is the youngest and my last he should stay close to his family. Not very compatible views and I have tried to give him freedom despite my feelings."
The Lord glanced at Gimli now. "I shall miss him" he said softly.
"I have never seen the Greenwood in the spring." Gimli offered.
The King smiled. "You should visit at that time. The trees tell me that you can hear their song. Spring is the start of a New Year for the woods. The air is filled with their rejoicing.
"Winter is not a bad time to visit either. My staff makes an excellent cider that is heated for several days. It is similar to the spiced mead that I've noticed you like. The parties are different then, too. We have a big noon meal that usually includes the little ones. Celebrations are often held here in this hall and done at the time of the evening meal with the elflings playing around their parents. My grandchildren are already fond of you and would be happy to have you join them at that time, too."
Gimli smiled. "I like the elflings and would enjoy seeing them. Perhaps we shall come to the Greenwood one summer to see our seedling at that time."
Thranduil replied. "That would be excellent. The seedling will do most of its growing in the summer. Each season has its differences from the year before."
Gimli answered. "I would like to see Eryn Lasgalen often."
"You will be welcomed here." The father's attention went back to his youngest son now. Nodding to Gimli, he rose. "Have a good night."
Gimli watched as the King went to the next person and thought, *our shared love for Legolas has made it far easier for us to understand each other than I'd have ever deemed possible.*
Usually Gimli dozed in his chair after the party was mid-way through. Wood elves liked to sing and dance and the hour's lateness did not bother them. Legolas had offered to leave gatherings earlier but Gimli was content in his chair by the fireplace. He had told Legolas that he was happy to stay for as long as his elf desired.
Deciding to get some more biscuits before his nap, Gimli got up and headed toward the table. Tasar and Celduil were standing by the table conversing. Gimli noted that Tasar was very flushed. Experience from previous parties told Gimli that this meant an elf had helped themselves to more wine than they should have. He could not recall seeing Tasar intoxicated before. He greeted them both and reached for the biscuits.
Tasar said "Celduil and I like you a great deal, Gimli. This is good because we cannot send you to the havens as we did Legolas� first lover."
Gimli paused in his actions. He heard the whispered "Enough!" from Celduil.
Tasar frowned at his older brother. "It is important that Gimli understands that it was not just because we did not approve of him. Legolas would not end it so we did."
Celduil flinched and laid a hand on Tasar's arm tugging at it. Tasar addressed Gimli. "We did not tell Legolas, of course. Ada was still mourning Naneth and we did not inform him, either. He has emphasised very strongly to us that elves should not threaten each other. Ada has a real issue with it. I do not know why."
Gimli caught Celduil's muttered "I do." Then Celduil said in a tone that made it clear he expected to be obeyed, "Let's go find Lisse. You have talked enough for one night."
Gimli stared after them for a few minutes. Sighing, he set the plate of biscuits down and scanned the room for Legolas. He found his elf speaking with Celund. For a brief second, Gimli felt guilty for going to Legolas with Tasar's revelation but that was over before the next heartbeat. He could not keep such a secret from Legolas. If his elf found out, he would perceive it as a betrayal. Gimli did not want to live with a hidden matter between them. Besides, he thought angrily, Tasar had heard him promise to put Legolas first. He could expect no less from Gimli.
Gimli crossed the room to stand at Legolas' side. He and Celund were discussing a raid on the last of the spiders. He waited until there was a pause in the conversation and then said "Could we leave now, Legolas?"
Legolas glanced at Gimli surprised. He turned back to Celund and wished him a good evening. Gimli added his farewell and they left.
When they were alone in the hall, Legolas asked "Gimli is something wrong?"
Gimli replied "We have to talk."
Nothing more was said until they reached their chambers. Gimli went straight for the table, pulling a chair out for Legolas before sitting down himself. The dwarf observed his elf's worried appearance. "Tasar had a little too much wine tonight."
Legolas frowned. �He does not do that often. Lisse discourages him from doing so."
*I cannot imagine why.* Gimli thought. Taking a deep breath, Gimli said "Tasar said it was good that he and Celduil liked me because they could not send me to the havens as they had your first lover."
Legolas' reaction was instant and vehement. "That is not true! He told me himself... he said..."
Gimli turned his eyes away so he would not have to watch as Legolas realised that he had been deceived. The distress in his elf's voice was hard enough to hear. He reached across the table to fold Legolas' hands into his own.
"What else did Tasar say?"
"That they had not told you or your father. He said that your Lord felt strongly that elves should not threaten one another and was still mourning your mother so they never informed him." Even as Gimli spoke the words, he experienced a surge of anger followed closely by overwhelming sorrow with a tinge of fear. Gimli was uncertain why he felt so infuriated but the sense of outrage was strong. So was the sensation of grief.
Gimli frowned. *Am I experiencing Legolas' feelings due to the bond? Is Legolas that sad over this elf's leaving?*
Anger rose and the dwarf stood up. He started to walk off when comprehension slowly shifted through his mind like a small ray of light through a crowded forest. He was being unreasonable. The bond was giving him Legolas' emotions and he was treating them as his own. His heart knew that whatever Legolas was sorrowing over it was not this other elf's departure. Gimli was aware that he was all that was important to Legolas so somehow this related to the two of them. He started to go back to his chair when something else occurred to him: Legolas was hurting. They should move to the lounge where he could comfort his one. He wasn't sure he could, though. It was possible that what Legolas had to say would be painful to listen to. He would be hearing about his elf's first love.
Gimli faced Legolas now. His elf had laid his head on the table. Legolas� hair fell over his face, which was buried in his arms. Fingers were busy brushing hair back over an ear.
The gesture decided Gimli. Legolas' soul was suffering and he was entitled to consolation from his one. Love was not only about feelings, Gimli concluded, but deeds. He might prefer to put a little distance between them just in case the words were distressing but no matter what he wanted if he loved Legolas, his actions ought to reflect it.
Gimli went to Legolas' side and laid his hand on his elf's head. "Mir n�n, let's go to the study. You can rest in my arms and we can talk."
A quick shake of Legolas' head and muffled words, "You will not wish to hold me."
Gimli stroked Legolas' hair. "Whatever it is, we will bear it together."
"I did this before you were even born. I should bear it alone."
"No. You should not. For you are not alone any more. I will wait for you on the lounge."
Gimli did not stay for Legolas' answer. He headed to the study. Gimli wanted to give his elf a chance to regain composure before joining him.
He had just settled in when Legolas arrived halting in the doorway to look at Gimli. Gimli opened his arms and his one rushed into them. Legolas moved restlessly until he was against his dwarf's chest. *Probably not very comfortable* Gimli reflected.
Anguish gripped his heart and Gimli gasped at the magnitude of it. If this was only a part of what Legolas was feeling then truly his elf was strong to endure such unhappiness.
Legolas' first statement was whispered softly in words mingled with suppressed tears. "If you wish to be released from your promise to sail with me, I shall grant it."
Gimli's breath caught again. Legolas' first thoughts were indeed about the two of them. And what love it must have taken for his elf to offer something he held so dear. Gimli tightened his hold on Legolas. "No, my elf. By the time you decide to leave, we will have been lovers for many wonderful years. Our bond will be very strong. The elves in the Undying Lands may not approve of your choice in mates but no one, your former lover included, will be able to deny the love between us. It will be obvious."
Legolas nodded against his chest. Gimli felt him take a deep inhalation as if he had been holding his breath. The sorrow in the dwarf's chest eased with such force that Gimli was left still feeling shaken with it. He kissed the top of Legolas' head. He was uncertain of what to say next but he sensed Legolas still required something from him. Trying to cover everything it might be Gimli began "Beloved, this I give you is not something that you have to earn. Nor are the gifts between us, such as the song your love gives me, something we need to tally as to who gets the most benefits from the relationship. I am honoured to be permitted to go with you. Even one night with you makes it worth anything I have to give up. You are truly a treasure to me and the only one I want in life. With you I have everything my heart was longing for all my life."
The last part of what Gimli said must have been what Legolas wished to hear for he nodded. Gimli ceased speaking and waited for his elf to continue.
Legolas' next words also concerned their relationship "I am so sorry, Gimli, but for a moment there... when you stood up...I doubted our love. I thought you might part from me. Not forever, of course, but I speculated that you might crave a time apart. I did not understand why you got up so abruptly. Forgive me."
Gimli grimaced. "Love, I am to blame. I would have never left these chambers but I was trying to put distance between us out of concern that I would not like what you had to say. You have the right to commitment from me. Legolas, we are not accustomed to experiencing each other's feelings. I descried your woe and concluded that you were lamenting over him. I could not reason clearly for the wrath was strong. I treated your fury as if it were my own. We both are learning." He enclosed Legolas in his arms. "I am the one who is sorry, meleth."
Legolas' arms wrapped around Gimli. "You are correct. We will learn. Do you want me to not discuss this matter?"
Gimli shook his head. "It is time to discuss it."
Legolas' next words were spoken very quietly. "I always surmised that I would bond as my brothers did. They both knew before they came of age whom they would love. When I came of age, I still felt I would be happy to spend my days among the trees and singing under the stars. Then Naneth died. A year went by but we were all still in mourning and he..."
Legolas paused and looked up at Gimli, who nodded encouragingly. "He was Celduil's friend. The same age as Celduil. He began to seek me out. My brothers were happy about it as they deemed that he could bring me cheer. He started to talk of love and bonding. I was open to trying to deepen the relationship although I had no serious feelings for him. I told him that my heart was not involved and he suggested that we become lovers as he said that would bring us closer."
Gimli frowned. He doubted the elf's intentions but he was aware that Legolas had been very young and was grieving for his mother, worried his father would soon fade.
"I was resistant at first but I was past the age that most elves take a lover and should have the maturity to accept one."
Gimli frowned again. "Did this elf whisper such nonsense into your ears?"
Legolas gazed up at him and then said "Yes, and several other things including declaring that most elves were, in fact, eager for such an experience. And I was I just wanted more time to be sure of matters. You think it was nonsense what he said?"
"Aye, a person is ready when they judge they are, not when someone informs them that they are. You would have been only a year past your coming of age. That is not even a long time by the standards of dwarves and to elves it could hardly count at all. There is no shame in not wanting to rush matters. It is better in my opinion to not hurry such experiences."
Legolas studied Gimli pondering his dwarf's words. Slowly Gimli saw acceptance of his statements in the blue eyes that held his own.
Legolas went on "I knew so little then, Gimli. I considered, at first, that everything was well with us but I can see now that it was not. Still, in the beginning I was content enough, I suppose." Legolas glanced at Gimli. "Am I angering you?"
Gimli realised that he had been scowling. "No, dearest. I am not pleased but it has to do with him not you. Having persuaded you to be his lover, he should have done all he could to make sure you had no regrets. Go on."
Again Legolas' eyes searched Gimli's before he recommenced "Gradually, the situation grew worse between us. He became annoyed with me easily. He said I should love him as he loved me..."
The string of words that came from Gimli in Khuzdul were not ones he had taught Legolas and his elf startled against him. The dwarf caressed Legolas' chin. "I am sorry, one love, but I abhor what he said to you. What did he expect? He was not showing you love yet he demands it from you?"
For the first time since Gimli had disclosed Tasar's news to Legolas, his elf grinned. It was small and quickly gone but it comforted Gimli.
"You were cursing?"
"Aye, and being of no support to you. Proceed."
Legolas looked thoughtful. "I do not know. Somehow, your reaction does help." He took a breath, "Then he started saying that there was something wrong with me because I could not love him."
Gimli was unaware of the sound of indignation he made but he descried that he had expressed animosity from the sudden strain in Legolas' body. "Mir n�n, I am not upset at you. I am enraged at him. Your brothers ought to have killed him. I do not care about elves threatening each other. Why bother with threats? He deserved worse. This is awful. If my sibling had been so mistreated, I would have beheaded the person. Never would I have allowed anyone to treat you this way! Never! There is absolutely nothing wrong with you just because you have more sense than to give your heart to someone that does not value it as they should. Only proves it was his spirit that was evil. I ...�Gimli halted suddenly aware of what he was doing. Instead of soothing Legolas, he was expressing his own affront. Hesitantly he peered down at Legolas whose head was nestled against his breast.
"I love you, Gimli." There was a hint of happiness in his elf's tone and Gimli relaxed. Legolas went on "I thought he was right. He had been good to me..."
Gimli bit his tongue hard. *I will not interrupt Legolas again. I will not.*
"... yet my heart was untouched. I understand now that only you could hold my heart but at the time I accepted what he said as truth. My brothers had no trouble bonding. Eventually our quarrels happened often. I became weary of it."
It was too much and Gimli could not hold back. "He was not good to you! He used you and twisted your spirit. He took advantage of your inexperience and your bereavement of your mother and tried to force you into accepting something as love that was not."
Legolas was very still and Gimli sighed. He really needed to stop his outbursts.
Yet even as he thought it, Legolas looked at him and gave him a fleeting smile. His fingers clenched into Gimli's beard and he moved up to find his dwarf's eyes. "When Celduil and I were rearranging Tasar and Lisse's chambers on their bonding night, I appreciated how important Lisse is to Tasar. I decided that I would bring no one to my rooms until he was of the same importance to me." Legolas touched Gimli's face gently. "You are the only one I have ever brought here."
Gimli leaned over and kissed Legolas.
Legolas clung to him for a minute and then rested his head on Gimli's shoulder. "It was a huge source of contention between us but this I would not agree to doing. I felt so guilty. I could not give my heart and this I denied too.
"Naneth's parents' sorrow was great and they left for the Undying Lands. We had said our farewells and I went back to the talan we shared. I was crying over my mother and the loss of my grandparents. When he arrived there, he got aggravated with me. He asserted that I needed to grow up and stop whining like an elfling. He reminded me again that there was something wrong with me as I could not love as I should."
The rage Gimli was experiencing felt beyond tolerating but Legolas' uncertain glance at him made the dwarf struggle to control it. He comprehended that Legolas could sense any strong emotion from him. This could not be easy for his elf and Gimli did not wish to make it more difficult.
Despite his intentions, the words burst out, "By Mahal, there is nothing wrong with you. Whining like an elfling! Your mother had died and you were dealing with losing her parents, what was wrong with him? You had a right to cry and be miserable or any way you happened to feel like being. I guess he thought it was easy. Never faced death probably, the utter fool. I have been never so irate in my entire life and..."
Gimli bit down now on his lip. *Really ought to shut up* he thought. Realising, to his dismay, that his hands had formed fists, he unclenched them. He was quite afraid to even glance at Legolas.
Gimli felt Legolas nudge his shoulder and mutter "I do not know how I ever survived without you. You are just what I need."
Gimli gazed down at Legolas baffled. His rage seemed to be aiding Legolas. Insight began to arrive. Legolas needed him to confirm and reassure and though Gimli was not sure how, it was clear his ill temper was doing just that. *Which is good as I am not doing well at restraining it. A bit like rocks in an avalanche. Once started my words carry on despite my yearning to remain calm.*
After a long shuddering sigh Legolas continued "I was just so tired of the constant discord. I left in outrage and bitterness and went to Tasar. I threw it all at him until he cried and I came away from my own emotions to see the distress I was causing him. Tasar was shocked too. He had assumed that all was well with us. He told me over and over that nothing was wrong with me but my heart was not convinced. He is my brother and does not view me as I really am."
Gimli broke into the conversation, this time managing to keep his voice lowered. "You do realise, my elf that I regard you as the most generous person I have ever known."
Legolas propped his chin on Gimli's shoulder and whispered. "I do not visualise myself that way. You have changed for me and made sacrifices and what have I given you? Aul� should have created dwarves to hear the song."
"But he did not. Still...." Gimli paused. This was very important to their relationship and he should use care. "It is not about who gives more or keeping account but you are greatly underestimating your worth and the value of our love. To a dwarf finding their one love and having that person love them is beyond all else. I would never have approached you as you did with me at Helm's Deep. Without you, I would not be happy. I remember thinking back then that I did not believe I would be content unless I had elves around me. Yet I was equally sure that I would be saddened by being with elves for I would long for you."
Gimli could tell Legolas was listening intently to him and he tilted his elf's chin up, "What is the greatest gift one could give someone besides a lasting love?"
Legolas started to glance away but Gimli held firmly to his elf's chin "I would not have this a continual issue we cannot speak of."
"Their life." It was stated so softly that only their closeness made the words heard.
"And what price is immortal life?" Gimli waited, knowing Legolas could not put a cost on it. After a few seconds of silence, the dwarf stated "You are not selfish" and this time he saw agreement reflected back to him. "Now, you may resume."
"I slept on the lounge in Tasar and Lisse's chambers that night. I could not bring myself to go to Haglun and was fearful that if I rested in my rooms here he would find me. My brothers must have sought him out that night." Legolas sighed. "When I got back to the talan the next morning, he was ready to leave. He told me he was going to Imladris. I do not know why he lied. I suppose that was due to my brothers too. Departing for the havens sounds far more like banishment and therefore might cause me to be suspicious. Going to Imladris does not. I did not ask his whereabouts while in Imladris and when he did not seek me out, I assumed he shared my opinion that it was best we not meet. He also..."
Legolas paused again and Gimli felt the slight tremble. "I have never disclosed this to anyone. I am not sure I can now."
Gimli massaged Legolas' neck. "You are expressing yourself well. Whatever it is, my love will be there to assist you with it."
Legolas' voice was very low as he said "He stated that I was cruel, rewarding his love with lukewarm affection; in order to spare me learning from someone else, I should know that he had lain with Maneser at times for solace."
Anger, the likes of which Gimli had not experienced before took over and the dwarf shoved Legolas aside standing up. "I will go to the Undying Lands and find this orc spawn and challenge him. He will face my axe, that..."
Legolas interrupted, "You are speaking too fast. I cannot keep up. You said in Khuzdul...'I will go to the' and then you switched to Sindarin, 'Undying Lands' and the next words were in your own language again. I believe it was 'and find this orc�. I do not understand the word after that. There was 'and' along with 'him' in that sentence but the word between, I know not. The last was 'He will face my axe'....I think." He looked curiously at Gimli.
Gimli became aware that in his vexation, he had reverted back to his own language and he translated. Legolas' eyes held just enough amusement to prevent Gimli from feeling abashed. "My apologies, loved one. I should be encouraging you not having useless bouts of temper."
A genuine smile now. "I never would have imagined that I could discover any humour in this, meleth, but you almost made me laugh there. The Sindarin right in the middle of words that sounded like a dwarven battle call. Come back to my arms and I will feel encouraged even more."
Gimli went back and Legolas gathered his dwarf in his arms.
Gimli said "It was he that was cruel. Not you."
Legolas sighed. "Until you loved me I thought he was right. I was under the impression that he had been good to me and I was not capable of giving love back. Then you and I became lovers and now I can't help but conclude that it was always about him. What he needed and wanted."
Gimli added. "Legolas, no one can make someone love them by pushing and demanding. It does not work that way. You love deeply enough to satisfy even a dwarf."
"Nothing seemed right. Even my physical responses. I had this notion of what passion should be like and saw the whole thing as a bit of a disappointment. The reactions I pined for was something I gained only with you. I did not have another lover for over five hundred years after he left. When I did take a lover, I made sure it was temporary with an understanding between us that it was only for relief of the body."
Gimli sighed heavily. He should be glad about this but a huge part of him perceived it with grief. Legolas must have believed this elf.
"After that first relationship, I never let anyone else take me until you became my lover. There is nought that I wouldn't give you and always you have made my giving a gift that I receive."
Gimli eased back from Legolas. His elf's sweet words helped him temper his own. "Mir n�n, are you telling me that when you offered yourself to me at Helm's Deep that was the first time you had been taken in over eight hundred years?"
"Nine hundred; and saes do not be displeased with me."
'"Love, I am a bit distressed. You should have told me. I would have taken more care in preparing you and..."
"I did mention that I was selective in allowing anyone to use me as a quiver. And what you would have done is denied me the pleasure. You almost did as it was. I needed to be claimed by you."
Gimli sighed. "We could have waited until we had more time."
Legolas looked up at him. "We were not promised more time. I did not wish to wait. I wanted to belong to you. I yearned for what I had waited many years for."
Gimli decided not to persist with the subject. He had no right to tell Legolas that his decision had been incorrect. Their love had grown and those years must have been long ones for his elf. Gimli, also, realised that there were a few things he had yet to share with Legolas and he had best be careful or his own words would cause him trouble later. The time to discuss the matter had not presented itself and now did not seem good, either. Gimli held Legolas closely and ran his fingers through the silken hair.
Legolas said softly, "I do not regret that I could not love him but I am sorry I caused him misery. It worries me at times."
Gimli replied "He has recovered by now and hopefully has a better idea of what love is. It was you that took the deepest wound. His cut would have been superficial."
"What makes you think so?"
"I am not sure what the elf's reasoning for tormenting you was but I believe that having convinced you to be his lover, he was determined to keep what he had gained by any means possible. Instead of wooing and earning your heart, he chose to use control. Perhaps I am wrong about elven bonds but I suspect that even had you started to love him, he could not have bonded with you."
Gimli still saw some uncertainty in Legolas' eyes so he tried again. "People sometimes do things in the name of love that are a far cry from love itself. He treated you wrongly and could not have bonded with you. There was not enough love there. The blame laid with him not you."
Legolas' gaze met his and Gimli hesitated. He needed to select his next words carefully so as to cause as little pain as possible. "Legolas, people mistake other feelings for love sometimes. I believe he felt lust and maybe he convinced himself that love was involved. I cannot guess all his motives but the way he treated you was not with love."
Legolas' eyes were steady and he did not flinch as Gimli had feared he would. "You are saying he never really loved me and that he could not have bonded with me because his feelings were not true. So any pain would not be permanent."
Gimli sighed. "He was controlling and deliberately caused affliction. You are older and wiser now. Tell me yourself, mir n�n. In a relationship people may occasionally hurt each other without meaning to, but is it love to often use words that abuse the heart and with no thought as to how statements are phrased?"
Legolas put his head against Gimli's chest and whispered. "Nay."
"I am sorry, Legolas."
Gimli was pleasantly surprised at Legolas' answer. His elf looked up and smiled. "There is not even distress in it. I am relieved that I did not cause him a great injury." he snuggled into Gimli's chest and made a contented sound.
Gimli mused on Legolas' reactions and loved his elf deeply. *My elf does not think of hurting in relation to the pain he has undergone. Instead Legolas is happy that he did not cause anguish. Despite the unpleasant subject, he finds contentment just being with me.*
Gimli's thoughts went to Maneser. He knew this elf. The male had approached him at one of the parties with his bonded one, and had said "Legolas does not like me but I wanted to introduce myself so you did not conclude that I was shunning you."
He had not gone beyond the introductions before Legolas had come to Gimli's side and laying a hand on the dwarf's shoulder had stated "I see you have met my bonded one." It had not been said harshly but there had been a great deal of possessiveness in Legolas' voice.
Maneser had replied "I wished to introduce myself and Asnon." and nodding to them both had left.
Gimli had not understood and had questioned Legolas who had explained "I do not trust him, meleth. I feel for his bonded one as he is the kind that would prove unfaithful."
Now Gimli saw the scene with a new perspective. He remembered too the way Maneser had stated Legolas' dislike of him as if he had no concept of why. He wondered. Legolas' fingers had found his beard. Covering the digits with his hand, Gimli said, "My elf, I want you to consider something, although I am cognisant that it will cause some sting."
"Go ahead." Legolas replied.
"Is it possible that your first lover...Haglun?"
"Yes."
"Could he have lied to you about Maneser?"
"Why would he do that?"
"He was losing his home and having to part from his family. I do not think your brothers took in to account the loss his relatives faced. Mayhap, he thought to punish you for his own hardship. It seems to me that he would do such a thing."
"What makes you think that he was dishonest in this matter also?"
"I do not necessarily presume he was but I deem it something that might be. When Maneser talked to me he was perplexed as to why you disliked him. Did Haglun have any reason to choose Maneser to cause your heart to ache more?"
Legolas was silent and then his head snuggled into Gimli's beard. "Yes. Maneser and I were good friends. We had started to become close. I spent much time with him until Haglun took the time."
"So, Haglun was jealous or at least he recognised who to pick that would afflict the most damage on you. Maneser is bonded to Asnon, right?"
"Yes, he bonded to Asnon a month before Haglun left."
"I cannot be certain, Legolas, but I judge that you were lied to."
Legolas sighed and put his arms around Gimli's neck. "What am I to do about it? I could hardly tell you what was said. How am I to confess it to Maneser? Yet if you are right then I have done him a disservice."
Gimli replied "Haglun was the one that did him a disservice. He sullied Maneser's honour, probably to get revenge against your brothers by striking at you."
"Uma, but I accepted Haglun's words as truth."
Gimli reached for one of Legolas' hands and covered it in his own. "Special one, you were mourning and barely of age. It is no wonder that you believed him."
"I let years go by with that misconception."
"True, but I do not imagine you wanted to dwell on any of it. No one can blame you for that. I know of no one who enjoys pondering unpleasant events. Without time to distance you from it all and musing on it, you could not be expected to distinguish the truth from deception. Now, of course, you have an opportunity to make things right."
Legolas said, "I will go see if he is still at the party. Gimli...I do not suppose...I would understand if you said nay...but will you go with me? I would find courage in your presence."
"We are one, remember. I never intended for you to go alone. There is another matter we should speak of first." Legolas' next statement was not what Gimli had in mind at all.
"Yes, I'm curious. You and I never struggle over being in charge. Why do you feel that is?"
"That was not what I was speaking of and I suspect you know it. To answer, though, I reckon it is because both of us greatly desire to get along and we are aware of the other's boundaries. I have a very good notion of how far you can be pushed and deem that you have the same understanding of me. Nor am I trying to hold onto what is not mine and using heartless words to do so.
"Most importantly, neither of us is concerned over who decides a matter. We care for the issue itself and the love between us. I could win every disagreement with you as you could with me if we used our love as a weapon. But we both value it far too highly to so demean it. Is this your outlook on it?"
"Yes and your happiness is more important than my own."
"There I would disagree." Gimli kissed Legolas' forehead.
"The subject you were really pondering is my brothers. When you told me what they had done to Haglun, I was so angry. I hated that they interfered in my life. When I was telling you about it all, the agitation disappeared. I remember so well, pacing the floor in Tasar's room and giving him all my hurt. I recall pausing and glancing at him and seeing his tears. The memory of him holding me and repeating over and over that it was not my fault is clear. I cannot reproach him for what he did, although I wish my brothers had not done so."
Gimli replied "It was done for love. I tend to think your brothers were easy on him out of respect for your father's convictions and knowing you would not like them to interfere. I do not believe that I could have been so lenient."
Legolas stood up. When Gimli was up, Legolas pulled him close. "I love you, my one."
"And I love you, mir n�n."
Maneser was still at the party and when they headed his way, Gimli noted several things: Asnon's instant reaching for Maneser to hold him close and the fact that while Maneser was dark in looks, Asnon was blonde like Legolas with the same quiet, graceful demeanour.
They went to Maneser and Asnon's quarters to converse. They had two small trees in pots on each side of a stone fireplace. Above the fireplace was a huge painting of an elven couple. There was a small statue of a horse on the table.
Drinks were served. Asnon settled himself closely at Maneser's side. Slowly with halting words, Legolas informed them what the meeting was about. He told of Haglun's accusation and Maneser cried out "That is a lie! I swear it is not true! I would not have so ill treated you and never have I been false to Asnon." Maneser's eyes filled with tears and Asnon shifted to pull his beloved partly into his arms.
Gimli admired his elf as Legolas commenced to repair the damage done to a friendship of long ago. Gimli discerned that Legolas could perceive what Maneser had felt when his friend had suddenly turned cold. The elf had truly been hurt. The evidence was there in all that was said and shown by Asnon's arm around his bonded one and the blonde's looks of support for his loved one.
Legolas kept his hand in Gimli's and the dwarf let his arm rest around his elf.
Gimli knew all would be well when Maneser nodded and said "It is over now and we can be friends. I will forgive you. It is not your fault. We were both so young. When you turned to Haglun, I became close to Asnon. It has worked out for the best as we are both now loved and can be friends again." His hand went to Asnon's who clasped it firmly.
The next visit was to Tasar's and Lisse's chambers. Legolas said that it was too late to be calling on his brothers but Gimli replied, "I would not be surprised to find that they are both awake. By now, Celduil has scolded Tasar so much that he is sober."
Gimli was proven correct. The barest of knocks on Tasar's door and it was flung open by Lisse. She stood aside and let them in.
Celduil and Lastand were there. Lastand had her head against her husband's shoulder.
Tasar stood up when they entered and gazed at Legolas.
Legolas smiled and opened his arms. Gimli watched as Tasar buried himself in them and muttered "Saes, do not be angry but if you must be, hold me responsible not Celduil. It was I who told him and my tongue that divulged the information to Gimli."
"I am not upset at either of you."
Celduil stood then and said, "You are my brother and it is my privilege to do all I can to see to it that you are not abused.� He frowned and cleared his throat. His gaze searched the room as if searching for something and settled on Gimli.
Gimli met the blue eyes so like to Legolas' and tried to will the older brother strength. Lastand got up and wrapped her arm around Celduil. Their actions seemed to give Celduil what he needed for he said "I believe I did what was best for you at the time and am not sorry for making him leave. I do regret that I have caused you distress and I....I am...I am sorry that I kept it a secret from you for so long." His words were rushed and he looked relieved that he had managed to say them.
Tasar pulled back from Legolas and said "For that I too apologise."
Celduil went on. "Tasar and I realise that perhaps we should have left the matter to you and just provided encouragement. Only neither of us is capable of that, Greenleaf. You are our brother and to stand by while you are harmed is not something we will do even if you despise us for it."
Tasar who was continuing to cling to Legolas said, "Celduil speaks for me but by the Valar; please do not hate us for it."
Legolas answered "The past is over. I am not going to hate anyone. Should the two of you feel the need to tamper in my life again, however, at least talk to me about it before you do so. I am no longer young."
"Fair enough." Celduil answered.
Lisse said quietly. "I am sorry too. Legolas, I granted you time alone with Tasar. When I came back you were resting exhausted on the lounge. Tasar was shaking with emotion. I advised Tasar and Celduil to prevail on you to leave the relationship and then go with you if you needed it but..."
Tasar stated "I was adamant that it be ended immediately and felt you had gone through enough."
Lisse nodded. "I sat there and watched you in repose. I could not argue. You looked so tired and sad. Love should not be a test of endurance."
Celduil touched his wife's shoulder gently and he said "Lastand knew not of this matter until tonight but no longer will there be secrets between us. I started mending this too the night of your bonding Legolas, but we've had much to discuss and I had not thought to talk of this subject, also."
Tasar let go of his hold on Legolas and Celduil wrapped him in a hug. "I cannot begin to tell you of the guilt Tasar and I have felt over the years. As time went by, and you did not love, we worried that we had sent away the only person you would ever care for instead of helping you make the relationship work. We were so very relieved when we saw the strength of the bond between you and Gimli."
Tasar said "Stay with us awhile?"
Legolas glanced at Gimli, who nodded.
Lisse said "Before Legolas left for Imladris, we often spent hours together in the study."
When they arrived in the study, Gimli noticed that there was a huge gold rug in front of the fireplace and several big pillows with yellow and green squares. Celduil moved to one and keeping Lastand close rested with her against one of the cushions. Tasar stretched out on the floor and Lisse moved next to him, putting her head on his chest.
Legolas propped a pillow against the wall across from the fireplace and glanced at Gimli. The dwarf moved in next to his elf and Legolas put an arm around him.
Gimli glanced around the room. It had a huge fireplace with carvings of trees around the mantle as the one in their study did. The trees were different though, and it caused Gimli a bit of struggling before he came up with the name. These were willow trees.
There was a low wooden table in front of the fireplace with a vase of dark blue with yellow birds painted on it. The vase contained an arrangement of ferns and lobelia. The table also held a brown earthenware pitcher of water and crystal bowl holding fruit. It was around this table the pillows had been placed.
This chamber did not have a lounge like the study Legolas and Gimli shared. Instead, it had several chairs placed in a semi-circle around the room. It was clear to Gimli that the brothers and their wives often relaxed together in this room. There were small wooden tables by each chair and candles in niches on each side. A huge willow tree had been painted onto the left wall. The candles and fireplace provided most of the light, although there was a torch in the right wall, it was not lit. A desk sat against this wall with a few books on it and a flowering plant. Next to it was a bookcase and opposite of that in a corner was what looked to Gimli like a bush.* Some type of growing plant* he thought.
Everyone was silent for awhile then Gimli thought of something. He had a source of information right next to him that he would not have in Erebor. He looked up from Legolas' chest and waited until his gaze caught Tasar's. "How long was it before you could easily tell Lisse's emotions from your own?"
Tasar propped himself up on an elbow and replied "You can already discern Legolas' feelings?"
"The very strong ones, aye."
Tasar answered "It did not take us long. Less than a year. Lisse and I are very different in temperament. She is always so calm." He smiled at her and ran his fingers through her hair. "So that is of no help. I will share something that should aid you. A bond is not lessened if you learn to shield some emotions as long as you discuss the matter with your bonded one at some point and do not do so all the time. A bond can even grow that way." He enclosed Lisse with an arm and continued "I feel things strongly whereas Lisse is almost always serene. My strong feelings of anger or upset over an issue, even if it had nothing to do with her, were unsettling to her."
Tasar shifted to his side and gathered Lisse protectively under his heart. "So I learned to find the sensation that is the bond and then picture surrounding it with trees to shelter and protect it from storms. It is not easy to remember to do this when one is upset but I worked on making it a habit and now when I feel things too much it is almost instinct to shield Lisse. When I am a bit calmer, I make a pathway to the bond in my thoughts and go talk the trouble over with her. I imagine, Gimli that you could find an image that is a symbol of sheltering to dwarves."
Lisse said softly "I can use similar thoughts to block feelings from Tasar if I need to. It is important to be able to put a barrier up against emotions coming from one�s mate somewhat so that you do not feed each other wrath."
"What do you mean?" Celduil asked.
Gimli glanced at him. He had a good idea of what Lisse meant. He already knew it but the understanding that though he was a dwarf he was farther in his bond with Legolas than some elves were in theirs still seemed an amazing fact.
"We mean," Tasar said "that if one is greatly annoyed and that emotion is sensed, the partner may, if not careful, get angry themselves and fuel the disagreement as the two trade sensations."
Gimli leaned against Legolas. His elf's fingers had settled into his beard.
It was quiet in the room for quite a few minutes and then Celduil said "Gimli, how did you ever get the courage to approach Legolas?"
"I would not have. A mortal should not encourage an elf. Legolas came to me. I would not risk his well being in the present out of anxiety for a future that we were not even sure would ever be. By the time Legolas approached me, I was aware that he was my one and there would be no other."
There was no reply at first as they considered Gimli's words, then Lastand said "That was very brave, Legolas. I could not have done so." She snuggled into Celduil and Gimli was pleased when he wrapped his arms around her.
"I do not believe any of us could have done that. Who knows how a dwarf might react? I would fear for my life." Tasar said fervently.
Legolas laughed. "The thought crossed my mind more than once that Gimli's reaction might be highly unpleasant. Instead I found love waiting for me, quite worth any chance of rejection I faced."
Gimli hugged him and let strands of the golden hair fall through his fingers. He kept Legolas in his arms. They were all holding their loves close.
Lisse said, "I admire both of you. It could not have been easy for Gimli to come to the Greenwood. Yet if he had not visited us there would still be doubts and worry for Legolas in our hearts."
"We all agree with that." Celduil replied. "I would not be in the arms of my wife tonight if Gimli had not the courage to come here. Though it has been less than a fortnight, I already cannot bear the thought that this might never have been resolved between Lastand and me."
Legolas sighed. "I made it worse for Gimli and myself as I deduced that our Lord might disown me or consent to my going to Ithilien in order to not have to deal with me."
"Ada would never disown you!" Tasar cried out. "Truly, Legolas, I sometimes wonder if you have any notion at all of how much you are loved."
Celduil added "He is correct, although your second guess is not far from the mark. Had Gimli hated us, our King would have requested that you leave. In hopes, that no damage would be done to the relationships between us and perhaps in time, Gimli would have a care for the others who love you and send you home now and then."
Gimli replied "The adjustments have not been effortless at times, but I always hoped that Legolas would be able to keep his family."
Most of the rest of the visit was spent in companionable silence with an occasional song from one of the elves. Once Tasar asked Gimli to sing a melody from his people.
There was a time, Gimli mused, when being asked to sing by elves would have presented him difficulties as to what they would enjoy. Now he could easily select a tune that Legolas' people might like. The song was about two lovers separated by war. The two crossed over many mountains to be reunited, guided only by a star.
When the melody was over, Tasar said "Aul� gave you such a beautiful deep voice. I could listen to it forever." He sighed and his eyes met and held Legolas'.
Gimli had the strong impression that the two brothers were determining something between them but he could not imagine what it could be.
Legolas' slight nod confirmed it and Gimli looked up at him. "You belong here with me."
Gimli had no contention with the statement but he still perceived that he had missed something.
Legolas said, "Forever will not be enough but whatever days we are granted, we will be thankful for and rejoice to have."
Tbc
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