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Path of Honor-Part II: Far From Home	By : IdrilsSecret Category: +Third Age > Slash - Male/Male Views: 4869 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or any of its characters. I make no money in the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 28
- 29
- 30
Chapter 29 Amends

I was on my way to see Cúnon, the falconer. I was sending Haldir’s note to Mirkwood, the one in which he apologized to his ex-lover, Tarchon, so that my brother might find peace when he decided to sail to Valinor. I couldn’t help to think that, although he was apologizing, it wasn’t being done in person, and he wasn’t receiving an answer, good or bad.

“How does he think this will be good enough to clear his conscience?” I said to myself. “He’ll never know Tarchon’s thoughts. Even if Tarchon rejects my brother’s apology, at least Hal will have closure.” As I walked along, I let my anger get the best of me. At first, I didn’t know why this bothered me so much. I just wanted my brother to be happy and to accept his decisions and his physical condition.

“Good morning, Rúmil.”

I turned to find Túron coming onto the path behind me. “Good morning,” I answered, stopping to let him catch me up. “What brings you this way?”

“Just running some errands. And where are you headed?” he asked.

“Running an errand of my own,” I smiled politely. “Actually, I’m on my way to the falconer.”

“Don’t you have messengers that can do that for you?” he said curiously.

“This is of a more personal matter,” I answered.

“Oh,” he replied, and he looked down and away from me. “And how is Legolas?”

“He’s fine,” I said, and then I realized that the question was in connection to my comment. “Oh. This isn’t for him. My brother, Haldir asked me to send correspondence to Mirkwood. Still keeping up on things,” I laughed nervously. I was afraid I might say too much, but I knew I didn’t have to worry about Túron.

He turned his eyes up to meet mine, and watched me with sympathy. “Now that we got the idle chit-chat out of the way, how are things … really?”

“It depends on what you’ve heard,” I said.

“What haven’t people heard? Haldir has become quite a bear as of late. Even the healer’s assistants won’t see him anymore.”

Word always did get around fast in Lothlórien. “I was the one to give that order. I’m taking care of him now. And yes, sometimes he’s difficult.” Túron didn’t have anything to say to that, but he looked like he was waiting for me to go on. He always could tell when I was agitated. “There are some things he’s let fall to the wayside, and I’ve convinced him to take care of it. I just have a slight problem with the way he’s going about it.”

“But if your brother feels this is the best way to do … whatever he’s doing, shouldn’t that be his decision?”

“Well, yes, but I’ve been where he is, and there is a better way to find closure,” I said, regretting the use of the word.

“We all have different ways to deal with situations. This is how Haldir wishes to settle things. If I can be so bold, is this a personal matter? Perhaps someone he’s not seen in a very long time?” Túron asked.

I was thrown off by his question, and the fact that he seemed to pinpoint exactly the situation. “How would you know anything of my brother’s private affairs?”

“I don’t, but I’m smart, and I have the ability to read outward emotions.”

I felt my jaw drop open with disbelief. And then Túron smiled fiendishly as he laughed. “I also know how you compare yourself to others. It is my guess that he is in a similar situation as the one you are in. If that’s the case then it is closure Haldir is looking for, and it must mean it has something to do with someone very important to him, someone he probably hasn’t seen in a long time, perhaps since before his accident.”

Túron knew me too well, and as he referred to Legolas a moment ago, I knew he had figured out Haldir’s problem too. Of course, Túron had worked with Haldir in the past, and it might have come up. My problems at the time were similar to Haldir’s from his younger days. “As a matter of fact … yes,” I agreed. “Someone from his past has left him burdened with guilt, and he wishes for it to not drag out any more than is already has.”

“And you don’t agree with this?” he asked.

“I only wish he would do it in person, and not through a note,” I admitted.

“Did you ever think that he is ashamed to let this person see him, especially as he is now?”

“I have thought of that, but Haldir’s condition is not a secret. Many elves know who my brother is, and all that he has accomplished throughout his life. They also know about his paralysis, and I would think that this individual knows as well.”

“It’s not just about knowing, Rúmil. This individual has not seen Haldir since he lost the use of his legs. Maybe your brother wants to be remembered as he was then, and not as he is now,” Túron said.

“He has mentioned something about it, but that shouldn’t matter when it comes to someone he’s been close to,” I argued my point.

“Put yourself in his boots. If something happened to you, and you were physically transformed, how would it make you feel to let Legolas see you that way?”

“That’s not even a comparable situation. Legolas would have me no matter how I looked, or whether I could walk or not. It wouldn’t matter how we looked or where we lived or . . .” I realized I wasn’t just thinking about my brother anymore.

Túron moved in front of me to stop me from walking any further. He stood close and looked around the area to make sure we were alone. “This is not just about Haldir, is it?”

I furrowed my brows and looked off into the distance. How had I not seen this? I’d done the same thing my brother had, making important decisions through letters and notes. I had let Legolas down through a letter without discussing it with him first.

“Has something happened between you and Legolas?” Túron asked with an easy tone.

“He … is not returning to Mirkwood. He has been given an offer to stay in Gondor, in Ithilien to be exact, and with the help of a new elven colony, rebuild and regrow the land to its former glory.” I paused and looked at Túron. “He asked me to join him, but I turned him down … through a letter.”

“Do you feel you made a mistake?” Túron asked.

“Well, I don’t think turning him down was a mistake, although it was a huge disappointment. But … perhaps not seeing him and telling him face to face has added a weight to my shoulders. I don’t think I realized it until now.”

“It’s understandable. Gondor is a very long way from here,” Túron said.

“And I can’t just up and leave like that. I have my brother to look after. He’s been in an agitated state lately, which is why I took over his care. Without the healer assistants, there is no one else to take care of him. Orophin is busy taking over my troops, as well as organizing his own, so I wouldn’t dare ask him to take on another task.”

Túron smiled. “That’s quite a few reasons not to go.”

“You think they are excuses?” I retaliated.

“Of course not.”

“You think I’ve done Legolas wrong by not talking this over with him,” I accused.

“You only did what you thought was right.” Túron spoke in a soft even tone. It was annoying. I could feel his judgement.

“You never did care for Legolas,” I attacked. “You’re probably happy that things are not working out for us. You must be ecstatic that I’ve probably ruined what Legolas and I had … have, and now I’m committed to staying here while he is starting a new life in Ithilien, starting over without me.” Even as the words left my lips, I didn’t know where all this anger was coming from.

“So, tell me again why you’re upset that Haldir has written to an old flame instead of seeing him in person?” Túron said, bringing our conversation back around full circle. “And just to be clear, I am not happy for your situation. I think Legolas is a perfect match for you, and I hope you and him will find a way to be happy together.”

Feeling stupid for accusing Túron of still having feelings for me or my situation, I bowed my head. “I apologize for my outburst. And I thank you for your help and support. Perhaps I haven’t looked into my own life lately, since I’ve been preoccupied with Haldir.”

“Sometimes it helps to talk to someone outside looking in. I just want you to have everything you’ve ever wanted. When I heard you stepped down as March warden, I thought you were finally doing something for yourself. You finally have a freedom you’ve never had before. I know family is important, and that they come first, but don’t you owe it to yourself to weigh your options?” Túron said, making more sense than anything so far.

“My brother needs me. That’s what I know. Legolas and I will have our time, just not right now. I think he understands that. I know he is willing to wait. It’s not what either one of us would wish, but this is our situation for now. I just have to keep that in mind. It’s not been easy,” I admitted. Nothing had ever been easy for Legolas and I, but we made it this far, and we still loved each other. That’s what I had to tell myself whenever doubts creeped into my overactive mind.

Túron studied me a moment, as though waiting for me to break down again, but I kept it together. Then he clapped a hand to my shoulder and smiled softly. “You are perhaps much stronger than I, Rúmil. Well, I’ll let you be on your way then. And know that if you should ever need anything, I’m here for you.”

“Thank you, my friend,” I said, and we parted ways. I continued on to the falconer, but my mind moved faster than my feet as I considered everything Túron and I had talked about.

>>------->

I reached Cúnon’s home, and was greeted by his joyous hospitality. He was much different than the elf I’d met previously. I assumed it had to do with the start of this new age where evil was banished, and everyone lived a little easier. He had opened all of his old routes for his birds, allowing them access to areas they hadn’t flown to in a long time.

“They are training the new generation,” Cúnon explained. “For some, the journey is becoming too far, so I thought it best to let them show the young birds the way before they are too old to work anymore.”

“That seems like a good idea,” I said. I followed Cúnon around the large coop, peeking into the different cages to observe the birds. They were beautiful with their long legs and black spotted feathers, and a serious expression permanently plastered to their faces. They looked intimidating to me, and I was glad I wasn’t a rodent or a snake that would fall prey to those sharp needle-like talons. Each bird watched Cúnon intently as he passed by. I could tell they were hoping to be chosen for the next flight, ready to spread their wings and soar the skies above.

“So, what can I do for you?” Cúnon asked when he had finished his chores. We walked back into the main part of his house where he did his business. I glanced at the huge ornate desk with all of its drawers, and spotted mine right away. It was engraved with a golden rune designed for my name and my military title. Cúnon saw me looking at it and shuffled his feet. “I … didn’t know what you wanted me to do with it. I know you’ve stepped down as March warden, but seeing as they haven’t chosen someone to take your place yet, I have left it as it is.”

“That’s fine,” I smiled. “I think you should know very soon who will be my replacement. I’m hoping it’s my brother, Orophin, but one can’t be too sure.”

“Taking their time with their decision, aren’t they?” he mentioned.

“We are no longer in wartime, so the urgency isn’t as great, but I’m sure they will make an announcement soon,” I explained. “Anyway, I have a message that I need sent to Mirkwood. Actually, it is from my brother, Haldir.”

“And how is he doing these days?” Cúnon asked.

“Much better,” I said tersely. No need to get into the specifics.

I handed the golden tube to Cúnon, but my eyes remained on it as he held it between his thumb and forefinger. I had been considering my conversation with Túron the whole way here, and an idea had popped into my head. I thought of interfering with my brother’s wishes, but thought better of it before I arrived here. Now, the thought came back to me, and an irresistible urge to meddle where I shouldn’t.

Cúnon went to his work space and wrote out a receipt for the message, proof that he had sent it. I would need to sign it before he could send it off. While he was busy, I went to the message desk and eyed my personal drawer. I traced the golden rune with my finger, the last piece of my life as a March warden. My thumb rubbed the little wooden knob, hesitating to slide the drawer open. Then I grasped it and slowly pulled it out. I kept my eyes closed as I did. Would there be anything inside? Perhaps a note from Legolas? Cúnon did not mention having correspondence waiting for me. A moment later, I slowly opened my eyes. Was I hoping there was something inside or was I hoping there wasn’t? To my relief and disappointment, the drawer was empty. I thought I would have heard from Legolas by now. Then again, I was afraid of what he had to say, so I didn’t really want a note from him. I was completely torn.

“Do you have something to send?” Cúnon asked as he came up from behind me, receipt in hand.

I forced a smile to hide my confusion. “No, I was just checking to see if I had anything waiting for me.”

Cúnon handed me the receipt for my brother’s note. “I’ll get this sent out right away. It should make it to Mirkwood later today. Should I be expecting return correspondence?” he asked.

Haldir had allowed me to read the note. It was pretty final, and I didn’t think there would be an answer. I shook my head, and felt that I was allowing my brother to do something he might regret again. And then something flicked inside my brain, and I decided to take a chance. “You know … I believe I’m having second thoughts about this.”

“My lord?” Cúnon said seeming confused.

“The note,” I responded, tipping my chin toward his hand. “I think I should like to add to it before it’s sent.”

“Of course,” Cúnon said, and he handed me the tube.

I sat down at the desk with the drawers, picked up the quill from the ink stand and thought about what to say to this elf I had never met. Flipping Haldir’s note over, I wrote on the back. I made a quick introduction and verified that this was from Haldir, but that I felt he was making a mistake. Sure that Tarchon had heard about Haldir’s permanent injury, I also made it clear that my brother might be hesitant to let Tarchon see him in his condition. I knew it was a delicate matter, but I wanted Tarchon to know that my brother still held feelings for him, and that if he wasn’t disturbed by Haldir’s affliction, I would like to see them meet one last time in person. I put it as delicately as I could, and hoped he would understand what I was trying to do. And then I invited him to come to Lothlórien. That last line was difficult to write, but there it was on the parchment. There was no turning back now. The worst that could happen would be for Tarchon to turn down my invite. He would still have read Haldir’s note, and nothing would change from my brother’s original wishes. But I prayed it would turn out the way I wanted it to. When I was finished, I handed it back to Cúnon and told him to send it. Now I would wait and see how this played out.

>>------->

Two weeks had passed since I sent Haldir’s note. I hadn’t heard anything, and I started to think that I never would. I presumed my brother’s words were taken more seriously than my own. I should not have interfered like that. This was between Haldir and Tarchon, but I couldn’t help try. That was that, I guess.

Haldir seemed better the first couple days after knowing I sent his note. His attitude was a little brighter. We had some pleasant conversations. He even attended a meeting for the March wardens, just to keep up with what was going on. Things were looking up, and I started to think I was wrong to question my brother and his intentions. Perhaps this was all he needed to get out of the pit he had allowed himself to fall into.

Unfortunately, it was short lived, and every day after that, Haldir became more and more miserable. It was a gradual slip, but it was noticeable. By the end of the second week, Haldir was just unpleasant to be around. He complained about everything, and always ended up blaming the loss of his ability to walk. I did my best to keep him happy and comfortable, but there was always something wrong. It was wearing on my last nerves, and I didn’t know how much more I could take. I resigned to venting to Orophin just for the sake of my sanity. He thought I was being dramatic until he walked in on Haldir during one of his outbursts. Needless to say, Orophin kept his distance after that. He would always check with me to see what mood Hal was in before committing to a visit.

I decided I was going to confront my brother about his behavior. He wouldn’t like it one bit, but what else could I do? This had to stop. Haldir’s attitude needed to change or I was going to build him a damn boat, strap him to the mast, and send him off to Valinor myself. And that’s when I was visited by a messenger with correspondence from Mirkwood. Tarchon had finally written back.

“Please let this be good news,” I prayed aloud before I opened the container and unrolled the tightly wound parchment inside. It was indeed from Tarchon, and . . . “He’s coming to Lothlórien.” I was overjoyed by this information, but now I considered whether or not to tell Haldir. If I didn’t tell him it would be a problem. He should have time to prepare, I thought. However, it would give him time to come up with an excuse not to see Tarchon, if I misjudged this whole meeting. It wasn’t as though Haldir could run away. His wheeled chair confined him to the city at least.

If I didn’t tell him, the surprise might throw him in shock or worse. He might resent my decision to invite Tarchon, taking it out on him. He might send him away or worse. He could go into a fit of rage, something that no one wanted to see. That would probably be enough to send Tarchon on his way, in which he would never want to see Haldir again.

I decided to keep it secret until Tarchon arrived in Lothlórien, and then tell Haldir. It would give him a chance to prepare himself for the meeting. And if he absolutely refused, it would give me a chance to tell Tarchon of his choice and apologize for becoming involved. It was a great risk, but one I was willing to make.

The week went by faster than I would have liked it to, and before I knew it, I was given notice of a visitor at the gates who had asked for me specifically. I was with Haldir at the time. He thought I was doing some simple cleaning, when in actuality, I was making sure everything was presentable. I even went so far as to rearrange a few pieces of furniture so the living space had a much easier flow to it. Haldir didn’t appreciate my meddling, but he allowed me to do as I pleased.

“A visitor?” Haldir said when the messenger left. My brother had been there when it was delivered.

I prepared for a slew of questions, in which I’d thought long and hard about how to answer. Instead, he gazed upon me with a devious smile that had me confused. “What?” I asked.

“Someone asks for you at the gate,” he stated, and fell silent as he waited for me to continue the conversation. When I said nothing, he grew impatient. “It’s Legolas, isn’t it? He’s finally come to see you. I must admit, I was starting to think ill of him for not calling upon you.”

His words threw me off guard. The first thing that came to mind was the last letter I sent telling Legolas that I couldn’t come to him in Ithilien, but I had not told my brother about it. “W-What … w-where did you–”

“You told me he was coming to see you when he came back from Gondor. It seems an age since he left. I thought he would have been back before now. And then I began to worry that he had changed his mind. I thought he might have hurt you, and I do not like the thought of my little brother’s heart being broken.”

I was dumbfounded, and I must have looked that way. I needed quickly to avert his thoughts. “Legolas is staying in Ithilien just a while longer, so there is no need to be angry with him.”

“Hmm,” Haldir said as he wondered about my visitor. “Perhaps he’s come back to surprise you. That seems like the sort of thing he might do.”

“It’s not Legolas,” I blurted out. Haldir looked at me questioningly. I softened my tone. “It’s not Legolas,” I repeated. “It’s someone here to see you.”

“Me?” he asked. His brows were drawn together while he tried to figure out the mystery. “Well, I haven’t the slightest idea who might be here to . . .” His words fell off as something else occurred to him. “If they are here to see me, then why are they asking for you? Wait. Do you have something to do with this?” He wheeled closer to me. “Who have you asked to come here?”

I could see he was starting to figure it out. Based on our last conversation, it was becoming obvious. “I need you to stay calm,” I told him.

“Who is it, Rumil?” he demanded. Any trace of his previous smile was gone, turned to a frown.

“It’s Tarchon,” I said, and as hard as I tried, I could help letting the corner of my mouth curl a bit.

I had hoped Haldir would be happy, but now he sat there shaking his head slowly back and forth. “No,” he said.

“No?” I questioned.

“I did not want you getting involved with my affairs.” He glared at me from his wheeled chair. “What happened to the letter I asked you to send?”

“I sent it just as you asked,” I told him, but he looked as though he did not believe me. I had to confess my involvement. “But before I did, I might have added my own correspondence to it.”

Haldir’s eyes closed and he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why? Why did you do this? I asked you to do one simple thing and–”

“I did it to save you from making a very big mistake. I believe that not only should you apologize in person, but Tarchon should be given the chance to respond.”

“This does not concern you,” he seethed through clenched teeth. This was exactly the response I had feared.

“What exactly are you afraid of?” I said, my tone raised slightly by frustration. “You’ve already ended your relationship with him, and you’ve suffered the guilt for how you went about it. Here is your chance to make it right and let it be over with.”

“Don’t you see, Rúmil? I didn’t want to have to see him again. I didn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes. And now, he’s going to see me like … like this,” he gestured to his legs and his chair.

“He already knows about your affliction. There is nothing to hide,” I tried to convince him.

“I didn’t want him to actually lay eyes on me, not the way I am now. I wanted him to remember me as I used to be. I … I don’t want him to look upon me with pity. I don’t think I can bear that.”

“Haldir,” I started, softening my voice. “If he knows you are paralyzed then he must already have a vision in his head. And still, he is here.”

“He is here because you told him to come,” Haldir said.

“I merely made the suggestion. He came because he cares, because he wants to see you again. Maybe you are not the only one who needs the closure in order to move on. Maybe Tarchon needs to hear you and not read your words in a letter.” I rested my hand on his knee and look up into his face. “Will you see him? Please?”

He didn’t answer right away. I saw him thinking hard about what to do. I could also see loneliness in his eyes. And then he sighed, his shoulders slumping forward in submission. “Very well.”

I didn’t stand around long, afraid Haldir would have second thoughts. As soon as he gave his permission, I left to meet Tarchon at the gate, and escort him to Haldir’s home. I was excited to meet the elf that captured my brother’s heart. I’d never known this side of him.

Even though I’d never met him, I knew it was Tarchon when I saw him. Haldir had briefly described him to me once. Tarchon was tall and lithe, long light blonde hair, the typical Lórien elf. He was not a soldier, so he did not have the physique of one. If I remembered correctly, Haldir said he worked in the libraries as a scribe, or something to that effect. I remember thinking how odd it was that my brother was not drawn to someone like himself, broad in the shoulders, muscular arms, powerful legs, and ready to defend our kingdom at a moment’s notice. Still, Tarchon was quite handsome. I could see why Haldir was attracted to him.

I approached him with a wide grin. “Tarchon I presume?”

He placed his hand over his heart and bowed. “Rúmil, it is so nice to meet you.” When he stood straight, his eyes wandered to his surroundings. “It still looks the same, my beautiful Golden Woods.”

“How long has it been since you’ve come to Lothlórien?” I asked.

“Too long,” he smiled and gave a relieved sigh. Then his eyes settled on me and I knew what his next question would be. “So, I assume Haldir knows I’m here.”

“Yes,” I said, but I didn’t tell him that Hal just found out.

“And he still wants to meet with me?” Tarchon asked hesitantly.

“Yes,” I nodded.

“But he’s not happy about it,” Tarchon guessed again.

“You know my brother well,” I said.

“Stubborn as a mule,” Tarchon said.

I laughed but then turned serious. “I didn’t tell him until you arrived. I was afraid he would put an end to the arrangement. The longer he has to think about something, the worse he is.” I turned on my heel and gestured for Tarchon to follow. “Come. I’ll lead the way, and fill you in on the way to Haldir’s home.” We started walking, and once we fell in step beside each other, I asked my next question. “What exactly have you heard about my brother’s condition?”

As it turned out, Tarchon had only known the basics as they had been told to him. Haldir fought at the battle at Helm’s Deep, was gravely injured by an orc, and had lost the use of his legs. I went into a little more detail about it all, describing the injury and the surgeries that saved his life. I told him about Haldir almost dying, though I told a more poetic story than the way it actually happened. “Basically, he is very sensitive about his condition. It is a big part of the reason he is not as thrilled to see you again. He is afraid you’ll look down on him or pity him.”

“I would never do that,” Tarchon responded as though hurt by the very suggestion. “I wanted to see him so we could talk. I need to hear him tell me it is over between us. And … I wanted one last chance to change his mind.”

I was glad to hear him say this. “So, you’re saying you don’t agree with Haldir’s decision?”

“No. I was willing make it work, but you know Haldir. He is overly cautious. It wasn’t like that in the beginning. You see, when we first met, it was a whirlwind. We were young and in love. We thought we could make it through all the difficulties. And then we were caught unawares. I was devastated and worried for him, but he had not a care in the world. He told me he would leave the army just to be with me. At first I was elated knowing he would do something so drastic. He loved me that much. And then I worried that he might eventually resent me. I knew how badly he wanted to be a soldier. I was completely torn … until your father came to me. He validated my concerns about your brother, and I knew that any other path he took besides being a soldier would not be enough. I was going to tell him. I was going to be the one to leave, but I think your father saw how much we loved one another. No one but your father and I knew this, but … he took all the blame for our separation. I decided to leave Lothlórien and take up residence in Mirkwood. I had cousins there who were willing to take me in. Your father didn’t want Haldir to think I was leaving him, so he told your brother that he made all the arrangements and sent me to Mirkwood to live there permanently. I was never sure why he did that. He definitely didn’t support our relationship, and even if I didn’t volunteer to leave, I’m sure he would have sent me anyways. And so, I packed my belongings and disappeared in the night, never having talked to Haldir. It wasn’t until he came to Mirkwood many years later as March warden that we met again.”

I couldn’t believe it. All this time I thought my father was responsible for sending Tarchon away, and now I learned that he was only playing a part. I thought Tarchon was right to think that Father would still have interfered and made sure their story never became public knowledge. “I was so angry with my father when Haldir told me what happened.”

“No, don’t be. It wasn’t his decision, not completely. I went willingly because I loved your brother enough to set him free. He wouldn’t have been happy with a civilian life, even with me. He accomplished so much in his military career, and I feel he was meant to. But when we met again in Mirkwood, we discovered that all those old feelings still existed between us. Since we were older and more mature, we thought that perhaps we could give it another go, only seeing each other when he came to visit. We decided to take our time and not become too serious. He was still March warden after all.”

I realized then that it was my own mistakes that kept them apart again. When I got in trouble with Túron because of Raenor, that’s when my brother stopped going to Mirkwood and sent me instead. “Oh no,” I said, bowing my head. “I’m the reason he quit traveling to Mirkwood. He was protecting me because of similar mistakes. I had been in danger of being discovered, and in order to make it disappear, he appointed me to the assignment of taking his position and meeting with King Thranduil.”

“Well, rumor has it that the two never quite got along, so I don’t think it would have worked out in the end. But this time, we didn’t end it. He knew he could come to me anytime he wanted to. And then there was the war and his … injuries. I had been waiting to hear from him in hopes that he would allow me to come to Lórien and see him when he was well enough. Then I got his letter, and my worst fears were confirmed.” Tarchon stopped walking. He looked out over the distance where we happened to be crossing one of the lower pathways within the city. It was a less traveled path, not a lot of elves this way. I thought it would be a safer route for taking him to Haldir’s home, and it would give us more time to talk.

“It is still such a wonder, the Golden Wood. I miss it here. I really do,” Tarchon said dreamily.

“It doesn’t have to end,” I said to him. “I know my brother still cares very deeply for you, but he’s scared because of his condition. He’s told me before that he thinks he’s broken. He doesn’t think you’ll see him as he once was. He’s embarrassed that he must rely on others for help, even though he does quite a bit for himself.” I paused and wondered if I should tell Tarchon everything I knew about Haldir, and the real reason for his letter of apology. I decided that I should and continued. “There is something else, and it has everything to do with his most recent letter.” This gained me Tarchon’s full attention as he turned to face me instead of the scenery. “He … he has heard the longing. I think that he means to sail, though I’m not sure when. He hasn’t inquired about passage or anything so drastic, but he has been seeking to make amends as part of the beginning of his journey across the sea. That is why he wrote you.”

Tarchon’s eyes turned downward to the wooden planks beneath our feet. He was silent as he let my words make sense. “Perhaps I should not have come. This might only complicate things further.”

“No … no, not at all. Please come see him. You both deserve the chance to face each other once more. This relationship deserves the attention it has never properly received, no matter the outcome. Neither of you should be left to wonder ‘what if’,” I said, hoping it was enough to convince him to come. “Besides, he knows you are here. He could have told me to send you away, but he didn’t. That must count for something, right?”

I had done my best, and it seemed to be enough. Tarchon nodded and we continued on our way, but now he was silent. I could feel his worry as he walked beside me. My note had given him hope, but I might have caused him more pain if Haldir rejected him in person. I started to doubt myself. Perhaps I’d done too much. Well, at least they would know for sure. Neither would be left wondering about the other. And maybe, if I had guessed right, maybe something would be rekindled during their meeting.

We stopped at the pathway that led to Haldir’s house. “I think it’s best if I don’t go with you. This is something for the two of you to discuss. Just follow the path this way. His is the first flet you’ll come to. When you knock, give him a moment. It takes him longer to come to the door.”

I started to go, but Tarchon reached out and grasped my shoulder. “Rúmil, whatever happens … thank you for this.”

I smiled and bowed before I left him. When I was far enough away, I turned back to see where he was. Tarchon was still standing in the spot where I left him. I watched him and worried he would leave before seeing Haldir. He was definitely having second thoughts. Thankfully, he started up the path, though slowly. I watched until I saw him knock. He took a step back and waited. Then he turned away, and my heart dropped. I thought he was leaving, but he only stood there, as though admiring the surroundings. I couldn’t see Haldir’s door from this angle, but when Tarchon turned around suddenly, I knew the door had opened. His lips were moving, so they were speaking. He took a small step forwards with his right foot, paused, and then disappeared into the house. I breathed a sigh of relief and closed my eyes. This had been much tougher than I thought, but it was done. The next step was up to them now.

When I got home, I broke out a bottle of wine and collapsed onto my favorite chair. I kicked off my boots and took the braids out of my hair. My week of worry and stress had come to an end. There was only one thing missing from my quiet moment. Legolas. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, wondering what he was doing right then. I missed him so much. I wished he had never gone to Gondor, but I knew it was his duty to fulfill a promise made to the ones he now called friends.

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on my front door. I got up and answered it, finding my middle brother holding a bottle of wine and looking put out. “What are you doing here?” I wondered.

“Where’s Haldir?” he asked, ignoring my question.

“He’s home. Why?”

“He didn’t answer. I thought he was here with you.” As Orophin spoke, he looked over my shoulder, searching my home.

“He has a visitor,” I told him.

“A visitor? Who?”

I gestured for him to come in, and then I closed the door behind him. Orophin went to the kitchen to sit the bottle down and retrieve a glass. “You don’t need to open that. I’ve got one going already. Help yourself.” My feet carried me to my chair, where I took up residence again.

Orophin came in with a full glass in his hand and sat in the chair across from me. “Well, are you going to tell me?” he said impatiently.

“Someone from his past,” I said. Orophin knew about Haldir, but we never spoke of it. He had such a difficult time when he learned about my lifestyle. It had been too much to learn the same about Hal.

Orophin squirmed in his chair and took a long sip from his glass. “Does he think now that he is retired from the army he can do as he likes?” he complained.

“As a matter of fact … yes. Haldir is a civilian. There are no rules against it. He is free to see whomever he wants.”

“So are you, but you aren’t going around flaunting yourself,” Orophin said.

“That’s because the one I want to flaunt with is in Gondor.” I spoke with an edge because I knew it would make him uncomfortable, and it did.

“Someone from his past? It must be from a long time ago. Haldir always swore that he never broke military laws while he was in the army.”

Well, he didn’t break any after our father dealt with him, I thought to myself. “Yes, it is someone from a very long time ago.”

“Sweet Eru, is it that fellow that Father sent away?”

I looked questioningly at my brother. “You know about that?”

“Of course. I was sworn to secrecy, and I never breathed a word of it. It was quite scandalous. Father had him banished to Mirkwood. Was he still there after all this time?”

“It seems that way.” I wished I could tell Orophin what I knew about our father to shed a different light on him, but that would douse the admiration my brother had for Father as being strict. “Hal’s been a bit uptight lately, so I contacted Tarchon and asked him to pay a visit. I think it will do him good.”

“After all this time, and you invited the elf who was banished by Father to come visit Haldir? Do they even remember each other?” Orophin said jokingly, but when he saw the look on my face, he straightened up. “Never mind. I don’t want to know.”

“There is closure being made. It was Haldir’s idea. Ever since the sea longing, he’s been a different elf. Now he’s making amends with those he thought he wronged. His thoughts are that the Valar will have pity on him when he reaches the distant shores, and gift him by fixing his legs. It’s a long story, and one I’m sure you won’t want to hear.”

“You’re right about that. Let’s change the subject. I hear there is an elf colony rebuilding Ithilien,” he started. I didn’t want to talk about it and I changed the subject again.

Orophin filled me in on everything going on with the army. I was glad to hear that my troops were still doing their job spectacularly. I didn’t expect anything less from them. Orophin was an expert at commanding both his men and mine. I guess I couldn’t exactly call them mine anymore, but I still thought of them that way. After finishing the wine, and cracking open the bottle Orophin brought, he brought up the subject of Ithilien again, confessing what he actually knew about it.

“I heard about Legolas staying behind. So he really means not to return to Mirkwood?” he asked.

“Yes, and I am staying here in Lórien, if that’s what you’re wondering.” I had a certain amount of irritation in my tone.

“Did he ask you to join him?” Orophin asked carefully choosing his words.

“He did, but I said I couldn’t. So for now, our relationship is on standby.” Why was he curious about my private life all of a sudden?

“Why wouldn’t you want to go?”

I was surprised by how serious he seemed, as though he genuinely wanted to know. “How could I leave, especially now with Haldir needing care? He’s driven off his nurses, and I don’t think anyone else would know how to put up with his awful moods. And you are much too busy with the army to keep an eye on him. This all falls to me, not that I’m complaining. I took it upon myself to help, and that’s what I mean to do. Legolas and I will have our time. It might not be until we arrive in Valinor, but so be it.”

“Maybe Tarchon will . . .” he suggested without finishing the sentence.

“I don’t think so. Haldir was ready to let him go. You know … because of his condition. Tarchon is here because of me. Hal wrote him a letter, but I sort of intervened and invited Tarchon here,” I confessed.

“Why in Middle earth would you do that?”

“I didn’t think Haldir should do something like that through a letter. They have a history. They deserve to find closure.”

“It sounds as though this has touched you personally. Tell me, Rú, how did you let Legolas down? Was it by letter?” Orophin asked.

“Well, yes. It’s not like I can just head off to Gondor,” I defended.

“And you didn’t want Haldir to make the same mistake,” Orophin accused.

“I didn’t want our brother to make his own mistake. What I did was not a mistake. I believe you have made the wrong assumption, brother.”

Orophin observed me a moment, not saying anything. He was trying to read me. I hated when he did that. I felt like an open parchment for him to easily read. “Huh, well … perhaps I have. I apologize. Let’s change the subject and think happier thoughts.” He might have said that, but I thought he was still fishing for information. Luckily, I was wrong. He didn’t bring it up the rest of the night, and we finished the evening on a high note.

Later the next day I found out that Tarchon would be staying for a few days before returning to Mirkwood. It seemed he and Haldir made amends and had agreed to try again, only this time at a much slower pace. Tarchon was not bothered in the least by Haldir inability to walk, and he asked my permission to take over my duties to my brother while he was visiting. Haldir had agreed to this, and so did I. It allowed me a reprieve from the everyday chores of tending to my brother. Don’t get me wrong. I am not complaining. It is just a nice change of events.

While giving Haldir and Tarchon their space, I spent my time hanging around the training grounds. Orophin invited me along on one of their daily exercises. My old troops were happy to see me, and everyone told me how much I was missed around the base. Ai, I did miss it. I missed pouring over old maps, figuring out strategies, observing the new recruits and tightening up the skills of the seasoned soldiers. I really missed going on missions, camping beneath the stars, setting up stealth points. I didn’t so much miss battle, but rather everything that led up to that point, and the thrill of victory afterwards. I missed fighting alongside Legolas. Never in my life had I ever been so in tune as a warrior. There was such excitement. I’ll never forget the tremor of emotion that vibrated through me as we stood back to back and smote our enemy. I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d ever get back there, maybe not in battle, but simply by his side.

After Tarchon left, I once again took up my position as Haldir’s caretaker, a word never to be used around my brother. In his mind, I was only checking up on him and helping out a bit. I used the word, caretaker, once, and he spent thirty minutes telling me why I wasn’t. Apparently, his definition was a human term that meant someone who cared for the elderly waiting for them to pass so that they could dispose of the body. Needless to say, I never used the word again.

“So, how did it go with Tarchon?” I asked setting out our cups for afternoon tea.

“Very well,” he answered, and I saw a hint of a smile just at the corner of his mouth. “We picked up as though we’d never been apart.”

“You seem very happy in his presence,” I mentioned. Not once was he in a foul mood while Tarchon was here.

“I am,” he said, staring dreamily into the distance. I had never seen him like this before. “We talked … about a lot of things. We agreed that we want to make a go at this again. The time wasn’t right before. We both had to live as we were meant to live, but those days are behind us now. You know, for the first time since I woke up and discovered my legs no longer work, I feel there might be a reason why it turned out this way. Perhaps it wasn’t just a punishment. Maybe it was a second chance.”

“I’m happy for you, Haldir. I truly am. So, will he be coming here for visits? I can arrange for you to travel to Mirkwood every now and again, but it might be difficult traveling.” I started thinking of ways for getting Haldir safely to Mirkwood. I’d have to hire a horse drawn cart, preferably covered.

“Actually …. That’s what I wanted to speak to you about. Tarchon wants to come to Lothlórien … permanently.”

I was surprised to hear this. When he said they wanted to try again I thought they were taking their time. “Jumping right in I see.”

“What better way is there? We’ve spent so many years apart. It’s our time now, and I can honestly say I don’t care what anyone will think.”

“I’m sorry, I came here looking for my brother, Haldir. Have you seen him?” I jested.

“Very funny.”

I could honestly say I never thought I’d see the day. He deserved this, though. For so long my brother had devoted his life to the army and to Lothlórien. Now it was his time to return to his roots. Perhaps one day I might return to mine, if only he didn’t live in Gondor.
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Path of Honor-Part II: Far From Home