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To lose Thyself	By : Celebrian Category: -Multi-Age > General Views: 1632 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
- 4
To Lose Thyself.

Part: 3
Author: Celebrian.

E-mail: Celebrian@datafull.com

Web page: http://www.geocities.com/sabrinallo/index.html or http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Celebrianlotrsfanfiction

Pairing: Elrond/ Erestor, Erestor/ Rumil, Erestor/ ? & Glorfindel/ Haldir . (Tiny little bit of Elrond/ Celebrian.)

Rating: NC17. (Mature readers only)

Summary: What happened to Elrond�s & Erestor�s dreamy relationship when the Lord of Imladris married Celebrian?.

Disclaimer: I don�t own them :o( But they all live in my mind.

Warnings: Angst, non consensual sex situation (Rape) and suicidal tendencies/ thoughts.

Author�s notes: Prequel to Falling into temptation. � I might add another short story in the middle of this two, but I am not sure yet --

-@- Elladan and Elrohir were not born yet. .-@-

Elvish Translations: Amin mela lle: I love you. // Amin mela lle beika, Mela en� coiamin: I love you too, love of my life // A�maelarain: Beloved.// Anor: Sun.// Ithil: Moon.

Feedback, makes muses happy. Happy muses make happy authors, happy authors write faster� ;o)
* * Special Thanks to Betas Emerald, Elaine & Gabriel J * *
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She stood up and quickly headed for the balcony entrance where four young elves were carefully hiding from any possible viewer.
�He is ready.� She stated and with no further words, the elves rushed into the room to pick up the unconscious body.
�He seems dead.� The younger one worried out loud.
�Are you having second thoughts? I remind you and the rest of you that you need to do exactly as I told you to do, to receive the rest of your payment. Not to mention that if you do not do this little favour to me I might remember the ones I saw hunting within the borders of the city��
�You need not to worry my Lady. My brother is young and he frightens easily. We will do as we have agreed, in fact I think we will enjoy doing it�� The one who seemed to have the definitive word stated as he ran an exploring finger over Erestor�s inert features. �He is indeed alluring.�
�I do not care if you enjoy it or not. I only want you to do exactly as I ordered you to. No less!�
�Then we can do more��. The same blond elf mused wickedly out loud. �Take him.� He ordered at the ones holding Erestor�s dead-like body. �Give us half an hour to prepare ourselves�� He grinned wickedly and left after his friends, leaving Celebrian alone in the study.
She went to pick up the glass shards scattered all over the carpet and in the process she cut one of her fingers.
Once she had managed to pick up every little piece of crystal, she headed to find her husband. Luckily she found him rapidly staring into the back gardens of the house.
�My Lord? Are you still searching for your beloved? Has he not appeared yet?� Celebrian�s most concerned voice asked pretending to be weary.
�No. I am hoping to see him. He enjoys walking around the gardens during the night time.�
�I do not think he would be walking under this cruel weather.� She assured as she walked to stand next to Elrond, to stare outside the window of the hallway. �Have you searched inside the house?�
�I did.� The Lord of the House stated defeated.
�Why do you not try again? You probably crossed each other at some point.�
�You might be right.� Elrond sighed heavily. �It is late.� He looked at her puzzled. �What are you doing up at this hours of the night?�
�Oh. I was thirsty, and I had no more water in the jar of my room.� She stated smiling broadly. �Come to the kitchen with me. We might find Erestor in the way.� Lingering her arm with her husbands� Celebrian led the way to the kitchen.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Once in the deserted room�
�I need something to warm my body. Would you like to have tea with me?�
�Yes I could use something warm.�
�I will prepare it then. If only I could find where the things are�� She mumbled quietly.
�The tea is on that shelf�� Elrond pointed, fighting not to look as far away as he was at that moment. The only recurring thing torturing his mind was Erestor�s disappearance and recent behaviour. �And� I will go get some sugar. The pot is empty.�
�Alright� She agreed, sounding indifferent as she looked at him passing the entrance of the small hallway that would lead Elrond to the dispensary.
Elrond quickly searched the dark room and found the big sugar container in one of the corners. While filling the small pot he held in his left hand, he got distracted by a distant noise.
He recognized the nature of it as soon as he focused his attention on it. It was the unmistakable moaning of sex. It took him a little longer to notice that there were more than two participants.
The pot of sugar, seconds ago empty, was now full to the top. And when Elrond was about to leave the room he felt the strange urge to follow the sounds. Something became heavier in his heart; he felt his breathing becoming uneven almost in a pattern with the increasing palpitations of his heart. Why was he so perturbed? He had certainly participated in orgies before and he was also aware that some took place within his household. So why was he feeling the urgency to follow the moaning to it�s source?
Without giving himself more time to consider the idea, the Lord of Imladris headed down the corridor which would lead him to the noises� source.
Elrond froze at the image that the small open window revealed to his eyes. His hands clenched wrathfully to the sides of his body and within less than a couple of seconds he found himself storming back the same way he had come.
Raging through the kitchen he avoided Celebrian�s puzzled words and left her somewhere behind on the way to his private chambers.
The walls holding the doors of his quarters seemed to tremble as the slammed door collided sturdily with its almost identical companion.
His clenched hands started to ache and his lips were barely capable of restraining an already formed shout of rage from leaving his lungs. Breathing heavily Elrond found himself throwing one of the glass vessels, accommodated on the nearest table, against the wall.
The shattered container fell on to the floor in several pieces while the water that filled it, ran it�s way down the wall in the form of thin transparent lines, the brutally battered flowers fell into the small pool of water formed on the stone floor.
Suddenly he found himself stepping down the stairs of his terrace and the last time he focused his mind he found himself at the stables. Taking his mare without answering the worried questions of the young elf in charge, he left with the order to remain silent.
He stormed out and forcing the animal to the extreme, he headed to the top of the valley.
Dismounting briskly he cried out in frustration to the air over and over, while clenching his hands at the sides of his body.
That seemed not to be enough, for his fisted hand hit the trunk of the nearest tree making it shake despite its deep roots. Dry yellowy leaves started to fall around him while his body fell heavily to the dirty ground. His hands cupped his face as the held back tears started to scroll down his cheeks.
The anger developed into a mix of despair and pain, the cries once of rage became a steady, uncontrollable sob of hurt.
He could not breathe, the pain in his chest became almost intolerable, he fell into the grass, the torturing images kept coming to his mind over and over, making his chest constrict even more than it already was�
Erestor�s head had been resting in the shoulder of the elf taking him forcefully from behind as another sucked greedily on his cock. His moaning had been faint, responding to the pleasure his body was receiving, he was groaning at the touch of other� others�

Another two blond elves worked his nipples sucking and licking them from time to time� not stopping even when Erestor had cried his release and filled the other�s mouth�
Elrond shut tightly his eyes as the cry of Erestor�s release sound in his mind. He could still hear his beloved panting tiredly in the arms of another, not his�
How could he have been such a fool? To let himself be hurt in this way�? So blind had he been that he had not noticed Erestor had taken others? The distance, the apathy, the disinterest� Elrond blamed his lack of cleverness at the time for his failure to be aware of his beloved�s activities. He had been a fool�
The Lord of Imladris stayed curled up against the wet grass until Anor started to bless Arda with its first rays of light.

He was feeling extremely weak, his eyes hurt and so did his chest. His breathing was calmer now but that did not mean he was breathing well, every gasp of air that managed to pass into his lungs seemed to set them on fire every time�
He stood dizzily and after whistling twice his mare appeared, he mounted with difficulty and headed to the house�
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Erestor rolled uneasily under the heavy covers that kept his naked body from being completely exposed to any of the elves heading to the kitchen. He complained faintly as his muscles screamed silently as the sore places had been suddenly awoken. His numb eyes closed tightly as he acknowledged the nature of the pain. *What have I done?* He thought as he tried to curl up painfully while trying to remember how he had ended up there�* What have I done�?*
After several minutes he ordered his fevered mind to focus his eyes on the room in search of the tiniest of the clues, something that spoke to him of how he had ended up naked in a strange bed. But there was no such a thing, all he noticed was that the bed he was laying was a mess and his clothes were strewn all over the floor.
For a moment he considered the idea that he might have spent the night with Elrond and he had only left him there to go get something but the illusion vanished as he tried to sit on the edge of the bed and the soreness of the entrance to his body proved itself to be capable of hurting even more. Tears of pain rolled down his pale cheeks as he moved to stand. It had not been his lover; he would never hurt him the way the one he had spent the night with did�
He stood with difficulty and gathered all the discarded pieces of clothing. Dropping down the coverlet stained with semen he once held tight around his neck as if it were a cape, he saw himself in the cracked mirror.
His body was tinted with purple and black marks, some of them obviously bites, the other ones he assumed had been inflicted by sucking hard on the delicate skin and others were inflicted by the strong hold of uncaring hands�
He looked away feeling sicker than he already did and managed to put his pants on.
He closed his eyes and once again tried to remember how he had ended there, and with whom. But it was useless� No memory came to his confused brain. Sighing heavily Erestor pulled his shirt over his head and left the small room to head to his private chambers.
Once there illeilled the bathtub and sank in it.
It took him some time to fill it but he could not risk going to the public bathrooms, someone might see his abused body and he was not going to be able to explain how it had come to happen. And even if they did not ask, the rumour of the obvious marks might reach Elrond�s ears. And that was the only thing Erestor cared: for Elrond not to find out. Never to find out what he had allowed another to do to him�
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Erestor went to Elrond�s study; one of the three counsellors of L�rien stopped his speech when he noticed the late arrival of Elrond�s chief advisor.
�I mean no interruption Counsellor please feel free to continue.� Erestor forced his voice to sound even and painfully bit his tongue when he sat in his usual chair. Using the last self control his body had left, he managed to keep the tears from leaving his eyes while awkwardly trying to shift in the now uncomfortable seat to find the least agonizing position which allowed him to actually listen to the other�s words.
Two hours later the bell calling them for lunch sounded, ending the meeting. After the agreeing to continue the discussion after the midday meal, the L�rien elves left the study.
�I am glad you decided to honor us with your presence. Erestor.� Elrond stated icily as he headed to his desk.
�Are you feeling well?� Glorfindel asked, worried as a mask of pain appeared on Erestor�s face as he rose from his chair.
�Do not trouble yourself Glorfindel. It is natural to end up sore after being part of an orgy. It will pass.� The half elven Lord tried to look casually at his golden haired friend, who looked at him and then back at Erestor without being able to form any words. �I did not think you were going to be able to join us after your activities last night� But once again you proved me wrong.� He smiled mockingly. �I would advice a private place for next time unless you have been expecting an audience that is��
�I� How?� Erestor mumbled felling dizzy; he had not only been with one but with more... �You saw me�� He whispered ashamed as he closed his eyes.
�Erestor?� Disbelievingly Glorfindel asked in a whisper.
�I do not know� I ��
Elrond smiled shaking slightly his head, playing to be amused. �You never mentioned you enjoyed orgies��
�I do not!� Erestor cried with a cracked voice as the tears started to run through his face. �I do not know what happened�I cannot remember!�
�I can help you remember��The Lord of Imladris said cynically as he approached to stand in front of his former lover. �Picture the cheapest whore in Bree surrounded by four lusty immoral elves and then change her image for your own. THAT is a short summary of what I saw. Hope that helps your memory�� He smiled awkwardly and stepped out off the room.
Erestor looked at Glorfindel, who was about to speak, and ran out of from the room. He could hear the blond eldar calling his name worriedly but he could not come back. He could not answer questions about something he could not remember.
He ran and ran until he fell onto the dirt of the riverbank after slipping his foot over a rock and losing his balance. His forehead sank in the mud, and there he cried miserably for hours until thick droplets of rain started to hit him on his back and all around him. He sat and looked around him, there was no place to refuge from the storm and he was too far away from the house to try to go back.
He needed to talk to Elrond, to try to explain something� If maybe he pointed the ones that were with him, he might be able to remember... Or to interrogate them about the facts of the entire night�
The chief advisor of Imladris stood and walked towards the waterfall. Jumping over the slippery rocks, he entered a small cavern he had spotted behind the increasing curtain of water.
He needed to talk to his beloved; he needed to tell him he was the only one in his heart that he would never hurt that way� But he had, for his own pain spoke of the events he had been involved in� But why and how had he come to that? Had those elves gotten him drunk? Erestor sighed in frustration. He had made love before after drinking large quantities of alcohol and yet in the morning he had been able to remember his beloved�s touch� His beloved who now thought of him as no more than a cheap whore�
TBC�
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To lose Thyself