Return to Mirkwood COMPLETE | By : skon Category: -Multi-Age > General Views: 5486 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
They lay under the tree pressed together. Legolas had his chest firmly against Gimli's and the dwarf's head rested on his shoulder and an arm around his neck. They had put their leggings back on after their loving but had left the tunics off.
The words 'meant to be' sang in Gimli's heart. He had stated them so often that it was amazing that his elf wasn't annoyed. He had even declared them in happiness when he had entered his lover, and again when seated deeply inside Legolas. "You are a patient being that rejoices with others, Legolas."
Legolas' fingers moved through Gimli's hair and he said, "Thank you."
Gimli sighed. There was something he must discuss with Legolas before they left for Erebor. He felt worried every time he thought of revealing the matter to his elf. He was aware of elven views on the issue. He had heard a story one night in the place they called "the gathering hall". At first the spiel had held no significance to Gimli but since he had decided that he would disclose this part of his past to Legolas, it had begun to haunt his thoughts.
"Legolas, I need to confess a matter. I am not going to jump into a river over it. Mayhap he was thrown into it. I do not remember." Gimli was very conscious that his statements of defiance masked the real emotion of anxiety.
Legolas shifted as if to sit up and Gimli felt a surge of panic. What if Legolas got wroth or upset? Legolas had not been truly enraged at him since they had become friends. He was uncertain how he would deal with his elf if Legolas did get furious. Far worse it would be if Legolas looked at him with disappointment filling those beautiful blue eyes. Clinging to Legolas to prevent his elf from moving, Gimli took a deep breath.
"I had a mistress in Erebor. I do not want you to believe that I only had male lovers. I had one male before you. Around my coming of age."
Inwardly, Gimli was starting to dislike himself. He should just blurt it out. Legolas loved him and surely would forgive even this. Yet a small nagging doubt bit at him like a persistent midge fly and insisted that his elf might be shocked over Gimli's news and pull away from him.
Legolas replied "I already suspected as much. You had enough discomfort the first time I took you that I knew it was not just due to my length. And every time I lost sight of you, I would find you with one of the women of Rohan. It was most aggravating. I understand now that there is a slight possibility that I am a tiny bit possessive concerning you.
"Did you love her so much that it is difficult to tell me now? What does this have to do with rivers?"
Legolas was hurt and Gimli felt his own pain. The bond in his chest suddenly felt like a tight rope binding around his heart far too strongly. Better to have Legolas' disrespect than to cause his elf anguish. Yet what if the truth brought both?
No matter what, Gimli resolved, he would not have his treasure guessing that someone else had a place in his heart even if it meant some risk of losing esteem. Gimli kissed Legolas' shoulder and his hand reached for the place on his elf's chest where the bond resided. Covering it, he answered "No, mir nín. I was not in love with her. We kept our relationship a secret because she has a position in the community. She is a widow and values her standing very much."
Gimli hesitated and then plunged forward "Also she is a cousin, my mother's sister's oldest child, and it would be frowned upon had people known. She is older than me being the oldest of a first-born. If she were a male perhaps I would not have brought this up as I see no reason for either of us to talk about former lovers. The past is not that important.
"And now that we are soon to leave for Erebor I am starting to review everything I've ever done with an eye as to what you should be told. Will this topic bother you? Is this going to matter to my elf? Will one of my relatives tell you that when I was twenty, old enough to know better, Naur and I put gravel in the flour my Mother was cooking with because we were dared to?" This was true but Gimli could not bring himself to glance up at Legolas.
Legolas laughed. "Gravel in my bread would bother me!" He rubbed Gimli's back. "So you decided to tell me because this is something you thought would cause me dismay if somehow I found out?"
Gimli glanced up at Legolas, all the fears he felt squeezing his heart like quicksand. Legolas was calm and the hand on the dwarf's back spoke of their love. Encouraged Gimli said, "It is the one that is causing me apprehension by not revealing it to you. When we were first lovers, my thoughts centred on you and surviving the war. It never crossed my mind.
"Then when the war was over I was continually trying to solve the problem of our future. I still wish there was a solution and you would not die when I do. Loving you was the only other thing that seemed essential. Once we left Minas Tirith, we had your home to face.
"Legolas, the first time it occurred to me that maybe this was something you should be aware of was when I got upset because you had not told me how long it had been since you had been taken. I am guilty of the same thing. Only I could not tell you then, mir nín, it was not the right time.
"Afterwards...it never seemed the right time, but I guess that is just an excuse. I do not recall the story well as I was half asleep when it was told but I heard pieces of it, Legolas! He leaped into a river or was shoved or something because of...because he had been with a relative. Of course my own people do not approve of having one's cousins, either.
"She was of age and married when I was still a young child and because of the age difference I never perceived her as a close family member. I was around her daughter far more than her when I was growing up."
Gimli shut his eyes tightly. He nuzzled into Legolas' chest. Pride warred with the need to be honest. *This is foolish. Legolas stood by me during the Paths of the Dead and is aware that I was afraid. Telling him that something scares me should not be a problem. I have nothing to hide from him nor do I wish to do so.* "I was fearful that you might feel... well, she is a cousin and you might think..."
Gimli wished the outpouring of words that were like water boiling over in a pot would stop but he did not seem capable of putting a lid on it. "And I understand that this should have been brought up earlier." Gimli felt grateful for the slender finger that was placed over his lips finally calling a halt to his speech.
Legolas' fingers reached under Gimli's beard. He tugged at his dwarf's chin until Gimli looked up and met his eyes. "I think you are a very honourable dwarf. I do not respect you less. Gimli, nothing is going to change my love for you. Nothing.
"You seem to be under the impression that each story you hear in the gathering hall belongs to my people but many of the recitals do not. Quite a few are chronicles of other cultures that we have collected."
"I do realise that, but I was drowsy and it rather fixed in my mind that this is how strongly elves object."
Legolas' fingers remained firmly on Gimli's chin. "It was a record of a brother and sister. They were not aware that they were siblings. The tragedy occurred when they found out. I've never liked that story."
Legolas smiled now. "I can promise you that the first person that attempts to throw you into a river will have to deal with me!
"Gimli, I might get distressed or angry over something you do, but the love will always will be there. I do not see how anyone can have a long relationship with someone and not occasionally feel irritation at them. As long as it is not a constant emotion or buried to be left to smoulder, I think it is normal.
"I will admit that I am a bit concerned over what will happen the first time you are angry with me. So much so that the very immature idea of making you furious in order to get the whole process over and to know how you react seems a feasible action sometimes. That is not right or loving, though. And I have no doubt that whatever your response you will continue to love me."
Gimli listened intently. "I worry about this matter too, but you are correct: the love will be there. I cannot tell you what will happen should I become irate at you simply because I have trouble even envisioning such a thing. I will always love you."
Legolas' fingers rested on his shoulders and Gimli leaned his head against his elf's chest once more. He went over their conversation and a new unpleasant emotion seized hold of him.
Guilt.
"I was wrong not to trust our love. I am sorry. I should not have been so scared to tell you of this issue. I did not mean to cause you hurt."
"It is not so easy, my one. I know this well. You start imagining that this is the one thing that might not be accepted and your spirit becomes disquieted. You forgive me my insecurities, how could I do less for you?"
Gimli nodded. "I love you so much, Legolas."
"I love you very much, too. And loving that deeply can make trust harder. It does not seem like it should be so but I believe it is. The more one loves the greater potential for hurt, so the natural inclination is to guard what a person has. This is good but in the guarding one can fret and forget that the love itself is the best protector a heart can have.
"Some of it, Gimli, is concern over going to Erebor. I wondered all kinds of things when we were first here. I was nervous that seeing me through my family's eyes would change your opinion of me. Or maybe there would be a trait of my people that you would hate and it would cause you not to feel as close to me."
Legolas' fingers found Gimli's beard. "I am happy to have you. The last time I was at this tree before the Quest, I sat here by myself and thought. One of the subjects I dwelt on was how I was loved but was still lonely. Now here I am, complete and whole. I love you, my one." He wrapped both arms tightly around his dwarf. "Gimli is there anything you did not like about the Greenwood?"
"No." Gimli muttered against his elf.
"Nothing?" Legolas was looking at him disbelief.
"Wait. Aye, the chamber pots are strange."
"What!" Legolas shifted to look Gimli in the eyes removing his chest and the dwarf made a small growl of discontent. "Explain to me the problem with the chamber pots."
Gimli began "They are painted on. That is not bad enough but they have fish on them. Am I supposed to pee...?”
Legolas' eyes widened and Gimli wondered if he should continue. There was nothing that he and his elf did not know about each other's bodies but Legolas could be sensitive at times.
Legolas motioned that he should go on.
Deciding not to repeat the word that had caused Legolas trouble, he went on, "enough to make the fish swim or something? Why fish?"
"Would you rather" Legolas appeared to be debating how to say it. "relieve yourself in a bowl with say, a rock, drawn on it?"
"That would be far more appropriate and I tend to think of relieving myself as something besides..." Gimli stopped. "What I am curious about is why elves do such things in the first place. Did some elf wake up and say "I am ten thousand years old today and very bored. What shall I do? I know. I've never decorated a chamber pot." I really deem that..."
He was halted this time by the wild whoop of laughter from Legolas. Gimli had been serious about the subject but Legolas laughed so hard that he was soon sitting up and holding his side.
Finally his elf ceased and said with a slight gasp "All right. According to Gimli, son of Gloin, and maybe all dwarves everywhere, chamber pots should not have fish on them. A dwarf finds that to be a challenging drawing." He went into more gales of mirth until his eyes were filled with tears.
Gimli chuckled. When Legolas was settled again, he pulled his love back to his chest. Legolas' chest was still heaving and that brought to mind other things. Idly, Gimli's fingers found a nipple and rubbed gently. The soft gasp that came from Legolas was not due to humour. "I am curious. Have you not ever been bored?" He pulled gently at the hardening nub.
"Not often. Never, now I have you." Legolas’ fingers tangled into Gimli's hair.
"Just remember that I am not here for your entertainment." *Although perhaps it is one of my purposes.* Gimli thought. He was becoming erect and Legolas was shifting trying to push both his chest and arousal against Gimli.
"You are not? How very disappointing."
"I'm quite willing, however, to attempt to..." Gimli's words were stolen by fingers on his leggings and Legolas' mouth finding his own.
The tree hid their loving under her branches. Legolas had sung a song of farewell and blessing to her. She would miss him and she wondered when she would see this strange male that cherished her elf again. She had come to care for this being called 'Gimli' who loved one of her people so deeply. And despite the fact that his form was very different from an elf's, he was aware of her song.
Tbc
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