No Longer

NO LONGER

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Part 3.5: No Longer Sane

Elrohir’s first rational thought: But Aragorn IS human.

Elrohir’s second rational thought: …Oh.

A trembling hand fluttered up to cover the perfect ‘o’ of his mouth. “Oh…”

“Yes, ‘oh’,” admitted Elladan, flushing red. He ripped away his hand from Elrohir’s and dropped nimbly through the twisting black branches laden with fruit to land on the soft grass at a run.

Even in his shock, Elrohir did not hesitate to follow, copying the other’s movements. But Elladan had not gone far. He stood on the rocky shore, arms wrapped tight about himself—now a familiar pose—and staring distantly at the running water rippling with the light of the moon and a million bright stars.

“Elladan…”

Elladan turned to glare at him, shouting, “Speak not if your words are of pity! Talk to me nf ‘if ‘it-can-never-be’s! No apologies, remember? And think before you speak,” he quietly added a favorite adage of their father’s. “Tread lightly with your words,” he warned, “for the wrong ones will pierce the remainder of my heart.”

Elrohir stepped back, examining his wilting brother, his twin, his mirror image. And he wondered. “Speak plain,” he softly requested, an odd lilt to the voice. “Who is it you do love?”

Elladan turned away. “In truth, I do love you.”

Like he had in the bramble grove, Elrohir found his hand pressing against his chest. He felt the strong beating heart there, and the pain that had been growing since Elladan’s first confession of love, the suffering that had consumed his mind and body, melted away. It was burned away, because now he knew what it was. It was love. It was only love. It needed no stipulation or condition, no prefix, no added words. Love was, in the end, simply love. And he loved his brother. He always had. And now, he too knew the passion Elladan spoke of, the overwhelming fire, the everything that consumed him. And the hate. For who would not hate themselves who coveted one they could not have? Who would not hate themselves who desired only what was forbidden?

And Elladan did not see his twin smile. But Elrohir soon found the courage to speak. “Ah, Elladan. Yes, the elder, the stronger, the harder. You learned to strengthen your facade, I see, and harden your heart. But what was it they always called me? Elrohir, the younger…”

“The smarter, the sweeter,” Elladan finished.

“Yes, that was it. And a good thing too. Not only do I have to see for both of us, but think for both of us, as well. And sweet.” Elrohir’s grin widened. “I ys rys resented those who called me such, though never you.”

“I only ever called you sweet…”

“Before father separated us,” he acknowledged, bitterness creeping into his voice as he, too, looked to the river. “I don’t know that I ever quite forgave him for that.”

“I have.” Elladan spoke clearly, but still hunched into himself. “It was for the best, but did no good. For here we are, because the moment I saw you again, everything… shifted. We had been apart, but I needed you still and always have, until this very moment and forever more. Not as my brother, but as my twin, my constant, my hope, my joy, my love…”

It was then that Elrohir’s heart truly broke, and Elladan heard it in the keening wail let loose when Elrohir collapsed, his knees landing with a splash in the water, his sobs echoing across the river.

Elladan forgot himself, rushing to Elrohir’s side, falling to kneel beside him and take the broken form in strong arms. “Elrohir! Ai!—I am sorry!”

“No,” Elrohir chastised, looking up, smiling through his tears. “No apologies; and don’t you start as well!” he said laughingly, reaching up to brush away new tears. Then, he flung his arms around Elladan in a steel embrace, crying and laughing and ignorant of the other’s total confusion. “I never knew until this moment…”

“Knew what?”

“Knew what my heart was capable of. When you told me you loved another, my heart nearly broke, though I couldn’t work out why… but your own love and sorrow were my undoing: I love you!”

“You… love me?”

“You oaf!” Elrohir screamed playfully, pushing at his brother. “Of course! I love you as Elrond loved Elros, and as he loved Gil-galad!”

“As a twin. As a warrior.”

“Yes! And I love you as Haldir loves Celeborn, and as Elrond loves Aragorn!

“As a son, as a father.”

“Yes! And I love you as Maeglin loved Idril, and as Beren loved Luthien!”

“A love forbidden, a love damned.”

“Yes! And I love you… I love you as I always have and always will!”

“As a brother.”

“Of course. And to hell with right and wrong, damn the laws of our people, because now I have you I shall never let you go!”

Elladan’s own tears now became those of joy. “You made that same promise after we’d been apart for three-hundred years.”

“And I kept it, did I not?”

“Always,” Elladan finally smiled. “And I vow the same.”

Elrohir again pulled the other close, sharing warmth and love and newfound delight.

Elladan returned the ardent embrace. “I never hoped…”

“No, you didn’t, which is why you have suffered so,” Elrohir agreed, petting the back of Elladan’s head, running long fingers through black hair.

Shivering, trembling, perhaps at those words, perhaps at new hope, Elladan wept.

Elrohir shifted back from the water, drawing Elladan as close as possible and beginning to rock, swaying smoothly to the inner rhythm twins inevitably shared. Amidst the light breeze and gentle swinging of branches and the song of the running water, a voice rose out. Light and sweet it was, and bitter too, but soothing to Elladan as he clutched tight to his singing brother.
“Hush, hush now, rest little bird,
And I’ll sing to you a lullaby you have never heard.
When fathers shake their fists and mothers take to sea,
You still have naught to fear, because you are with me.
Hush, hush now, rest little lamb,
And I’ll sing to you a lullaby of what and who I am.
When all shall turn against you, close and bar their doors
You still have naught to fear, because I alone am yours.
Hush, hush now, rest little deer,
And I’ll sing to you a lullaby to push away the fear.
When shadows fall upon us, and all the world is grim
You only have to close your eyes and sing with me this hymn.
Hush, hush now, rest little elf,
And I’ll sing to you a lullaby I’ve made up by myself.
When hatred overwhelms you and fear comes your way
You must remember just our love and what I’ve said this day.”

Elrohir’s sweet little song rocked them both to peace and stillness, finding a tranquil serenity by the rippling water surrounded by old trees and birdsong and that sweet lullaby.

When Elrohir’s voice broke sadly off, Elladan took up the gentle melody, and swayed his brother in his arms.
“Hush, hush now, rest precious love,
And I’ll sing to you a lullaby in our apple grove.
When you lose the beat and cannot sing the song,
You still have naught to fear, for I’ll carry the words along.
Hush, hush now, rest brother dear,
And I’ll sing to you a lullaby only we can hear.
When troubles come upon us and exile is the cost,
You still have naught to fear, for with me you’re never lost.”

Elrohir squeezed hard at this last line, grinning even as soft tears fell hotly between them. “You sing so sweetly.”

“Because we share a voice.”

“Perhaps.” Abruptly, Elrohir asked, “What do you want from me, Elladan?”

“Nothing you have not already given,” he replied, looking at last with unshuttered love and truth in his eyes. “Why do you ask?”

“Because,” and Elrohir suddenly dropped his eyes, as blood rushed to flame in his cheeks. “Because I will be your brother no longer, if you will take me as a lover.”

Elladan froze at the oath, suddenly all too conscious of the other elf nearly in his lap. “It is wrong,” he confided softly.

Elrohir looked at him with great dark eyes, ever truthful. “How can a love be wrong?”

“Brothers…or lovers?” Elladan reached tenderly out, brushing a tendril of hair behind a pointing ear. “Can we not be both?”

------

And Elladan led Elrohir up the grassy bank, where he laid him down beneath the apple tree and took the trembling hand in his own pale one, lacing together the long fingers. He gazed down at Elrohir with such love, the younger could hardly bear it.

Elrohir reached up with his other hand to Elladan’s face, at last softened and nearly smiling under the light of the moon and stars. “Mmm, I am glad you are with me.”

Elladan did indeed smile at that. “Forever.”

“Kiss me?”

Elrohir watched with pleasure as Elladan’s eyes darkened and his breathing changed, becoming shallower and speeded. “Kiss you? I fear I may lose myself in your kisses.”

“And what is wrong with that?”

Elladan chuckled. “We shall see…” He grasped Elrohir’s other hand where it lay against his cheek, and pulled it a fraction away. Keeping his eyes on his brother’s face, Elladan bowed his head, placing his lips against the palm, barely brushing them against the heating flesh.

“That is not a kiss…” Elrohir breathlessly protested.

Elladan’s lips curved in a secret smile as he moved them down, pressing a kiss against Elrohir’s inner wrist, feeling the strong pulse there beneath soft skin. When he slowly pulled away again, he let his lower lip drag along the dampened pulse point. He smiled as Elrohir let out a hiss between closed teeth. “And I’d thought my torment was over…”

A ruthless grin answered him. “It is just begun,” Elladan pledged, pulling Elrohir’s wrist, forcing him up, and letting loose his other hand to slide his arm beneath Elrohir’s arched back. Closer he moved, bending over to look clearly into Elrohir’s dark eyes.

Suddenly the younger stated, “I am yours and you are mine.”

“Bound together in love are we. You are mine and I am yours,” Elladan soberly replied.

“We are bound together in love,” Elrohir finished.

The twins froze, holding their breath. But there was no sudden rush of wind, no lightning bolt come to smote them down in their folly.

Just then a small songbird burst into song in the darkness, a misplaced happy warbling in the dead of night.

The lovers jumped in their fright, but then smiled. “Only one of your birds,” the elder chuckled.

Elladan then dropped the wrist, reaching instead to place his own palm flat over Elrohir’s heart. Elrohir mimicked the gesture with his freed hand over Elladan’s heart, wrapping his other around those strong shoulders.

“Bound in love,” Elladan murmured before gracefully bending his head down.

Elrohir, having finally let go his eternal patience, leant forward to meet him.

Their lips met for the first time since the innocence of childhood, and this first kiss was no less chaste; soft and sweet it was amidst more happy weeping before they drew apart.

The sons of Elrond held each other close and rested their foreheads together. Finally, they were at peace; finally, they were content.

------

Elrohir was the first to lean back, meeting his brother’s eyes, and after such a long silence, they could again take up that silent communication. He shifted his hand to the back of Elladan’s head and brought him down, bending his neck graceful as a swan to place flitting kisses over the well worn tear tracks down that pale face.

Elladan’s eyes fluttered shut, the dark quivering lashes brushing Elrohir’s cheek softer than flickering moth’s wings. He leaned into Elrohir as his kisses lightly rained, falling on his eyes, his nose, cheeks, and jaw. Almost hesitant was the move to the exposed neck, and Elladan shuddered as his newly bared heart flared in something still repressed, something far more fierce and forceful, something primal and almost dark within him.

Elrohir’s last kiss landed at the hollow of his collarbone where the first shirt button had slipped open.

Elladan growled and suddenly shoved Elrohir down, pulling him close as he covered the other’s body with his own, and crushed their lips together. He felt Elrohir’s lips curve in a smile as Elladan plundered the innocent mouth, gripping at his muscled back with bruising fingers, pulling off the crown of flowers to thread claiming fingers through the loose black hair.

His hands wandered their way to Elrohir’s chest, pulling at the buttons impatiently and shoving away the vest and tunic. When he reached the belt, his frustration grew and Elladan had to break the kiss with an angry snarl to concentrate on his work.

Elrohir laughed. “You needful thing,” he teased, swiftly undoing the knotted belt himself and allowing Elladan to finish disrobing him. He still laughed when Elladan set upon him, a worship ardent and vicious and sweeter than any sensation either had known as he visited every inch of his brother’s flesh with lips or hands or tongue, and Elrohir’s laughter turned to feral moans and sighs and whimpers. “Ai, Elladan… I need you.”

Elladan thought himself past words, and simply ripped off his own solstice robes until—finally—skin met skin, smooth and hot and so right, so right: no one could tell them this was wrong.

Elladan’s lust surged through him in waves and Elrohir felt the same as a new ache spread through his limbs, almost a fatigued strain in his muscles as he pushed at Elladan, rolling him back onto the soft green grass and attacking his twin in turn as fingers twisted at peaked buds of flesh, teeth tore at reddened lips, legs wound together, throbbing flesh driving against one another.

Elrohir felt that burning ache grow, and he pulled himself away to look Elladan in the eyes. And after centuries of lowered eyes and closed expressions, they had returned to their wordless ways.

Elladan pressed Elrohir back again and then climbed over to straddle his thighs. Their hands were still, simply holding one another as they met in another sweet kiss, Elladan’s shining black hair—now pulled loose from the lord’s braids—trailing in silken erotic paths over Elrohir’s sensitized flesh.

When he sat up again, he moved forward, feeling Elrohir’s need hot against him. Never looking away from the intense gaze, he reached back and levered himself upward.

Elrohir reached up a moment to still him, despite the overwhelming desire, to intently ask, “Have you ever lain with another?”

“You know I have not,” Elladan whispered in a shaky voice.

Elr ber began to squirm away. “Then we should—”

“No,” Elladan fervently protested. “Pain. Pleasure. I need all of you.”

“But—”

“I will heal.”

Elrohir’s lust-filled eyes slowly blinked as he surrendered.

And Elladan completed his maneuver, allowing Elrohir to breach him.

------

A strangled scream burst forth, but he gripped Elrohir’s shoulders and would not let him pull away.

Elrohir could not prevent his hands from attaching themselves to Elladan’s narrow hips, but he forced them to remain still, not pushing down.

And still their eyes met. Elrohir saw the pain mixed with the delight in those dark eyes. Elladan could not manage a smile, but his expression displayed the want easily enough, and he slowly sank down, taking Elrohir inside him.

Then, Elrohir let slip the control, thrusting upward and gripping Elladan tightly. He wondered at the sound that ripped from his own throat. Never had he heard such a shrieking, needful cry; never had he known he could make such a noise, nor feel such all-consuming pleasure, but Elladan smiled at this release and simply held still, allowing Elrohir to come to grips with being inside him and allowing his own body to adjust to this first lovemaking.

Elrohir’s eyes were unfocused in his passionate desire, breaths coming in harsh pants, as that heated ache coursed through him. When he could properly meet Elladan’s gaze again, Elrohir was taken aback at the smirk on those pink lips. “Elladan?”

“Are you all right?” Elladan asked, voice thick with his own pleasure. “Do you think I shall be the death of you after all?”

“Nay, not death,” Elrohir said. “But I may break on the soundless shore of madness if you do not MOVE!”

Elladan’s smirk grew to a full-fledged grin as he issued Elrohir a silent challenge with a single raised eyebrow.

The younger elf glared at his brother. “You think me not brave enough?”

“No indeed, I know you are. I simply think you do not WANT the control.”

Elladan’s words had barely left his mouth when Elrohir swiftly rolled them over, thrusting fully into Elladan and swallowing his surprised yelp with a demanding kiss.

Elladan moaned into the kiss as he wrapped long legs about his brother’s waist, connected so intimately, so passionately, so lovingly. When they parted, silent but for sighing breaths and motionless but for wandering hands, they looked again to one another.

Elladan stretched out an arm to clasp Elrohir’s shoulder, fingers curving around the back of his neck, thumb caressing the hollow of his throat. “Love me.”

“Yes,” Elrohir agreed, nodding his head.

Elladan’s hand shifted around to Elrohir’s back where his other was already splayed against the hard muscle.

Elrohir’s hands came up under his elder twin’s arms to closely grip his shoulders.

Never breaking eye contact, he began the slow rocking, first a barely felt rhythmic movement, an easy push and pull that had the elves sighing in newfound bliss in their garden.

Eyes darkened in mirrored pleasure and hands gripped tighter in mute desperation as the perfect harmony between them grew swifter, Elrohir lengthening his delving strokes and kissing whatever flushed flesh he could reach.

Elladan cried out at the deeper penetration, clutching with bruising strength, his thighs a vice about the other’s waist. “By Elbereth, do not stop!”

Elrohir had no intention of stopping.

With pure devotion and without restraint, the twins made love beneath that old apple tree, sighs evolving into gasps and moans and sobs as the passion rolled through them, fanning the fire of their untempered lust. Wrapped together in love they tossed their heads in reckless abandon and frantically cried out each other’s names.

Elladan’s pain and pleasure spiraled together in overwhelming joy, in love, in ecstasy, until he held desperately to Elrohir, shouting his name and releasing himself to the pulsing, pounding knot of desire that was his need.

Feeling Elladan stiffen, clench around him, brought Elrohir to the peak, that ever-building ache falling into the brightest flash of dizzying pleasure when Elladan’s seed spread between them, and he joined him in his release.

Then, slowly they swayed together, petting moistened skin, lips meeting in lingering kisses, and murmuring barely heard words of affection, of allegiance, and of love.

------

The stars still shone brightly though the moon had passed beyond the tallest trees, and two elves in their wild garden still lay entwined together, unmoving and soundless and perfectly happy.

“I wish we could stay here forever.”

“Mmm,” Elladan mused. “Alas, that cannot be, but we shall be therther always, I promise you.” As he spoke, the elder reached for a prematurely fallen apple and pulled out the long stem, twisting it into a circlet. This he tied about Elrohir’s finger. “No matter what happens. I will fight to keep you. I will run away with you. Whatever it takes.”

Elrohir smiled and reached for a fallen leaf, methodically stripping away the green flesh of it until only the one strong center vein was left. This he tied about Elladan’s finger. “Whatever it takes,” he vowed. “Nothing shall come between us: I won’t let it.”

“We were made for each other,” Elladan whispered, taking Elrohir’s hands in his own and leaning in for one more kiss.

------

When the stars began to dim to a dull gray in the east, the brothers finally arose from their wedding bed to gather the strewn clothes from the ground. They dressed each other once more amid soft kisses and gentle touches and quiet laughter as they searched for Elladan’s mithril buttons that had been torn off and now lay hidden in the deep grass.

Eventually, everything was accounted for, and the brothers walked hand in hand to the river. Elladan let out a high-pitched whistle to carry over the riverbed as Elrohir called in his ringing voice, “Nimlos! Nimlos!”

In the distance, the two white horses rounded the bend, splashing through the waters edge and along the rocky shore.

“Hi, hail, Nimlos!” Elrohir joyfully greeted the mare, feeding to her an early apple. He swung up onto her ready back and turned to look at Elladan, already seated proudly on Gil-eithel’s back, glaring at his brother.

“What?” the younger asked.

Elladan shook his head. “I still think Snow White is a stupid name for a horse,” he teased, kicking his mount to a gallop.

Elrohir pretended to scowl and urged poor Nimlos to a run, calling out in affronted dignity after his brother.

TBC