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The Bitter Glass	By : Massanie Category: +Third Age > Slash - Male/Male Views: 2221 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
CHAPTER 4: Este's Lessons

Meanwhile Erestor had prepared everything for the funerals of his adoptive father and more than a dozen soldiers. While the funerals of the soldiers who had given their lives in the rescue mission for the Silver Lady were held two days after the party's return, Erestor decided to wait with the others until Elrond would be able to participate.

The soldiers had brought back the corpses of the eleven men that had fallen in the mountains and they needed to be buried but Elrond could not be expected to leave his wife's side while her survival was still uncertain. Even so, Erestor wanted Elrond to be given the chance to pay his last respects to Dírhael and to the three soldiers who had attempted to save Celebrían and had lost their lives.
When finally it was reported that Celebrían was unconscious but stable and recovering, Erestor set the date of the funerals the day after, so Elrond had some time to recover himself.

At sunset they would meet at the graveyard where the tombstones were currently put up. Since they had nothing to bury they would lay items into the graves that had been dear to the dead. They would light candles and Lindir would sing a lament over each of them: Berion, Haradion, Aglaron and Dírhael.
Once, elves had not been acquainted with the idea of dead and still every dead Firstborn struck them hard. But the minions of the dark lord had taught them that even the lives of immortal elves were fragile and could be extinguished faster than the small flame of a candle.
They would grieve for days but they would recover, they would comfort themselves with memories and the knowledge that they would all meet again in some distant future because Eru's plans for Arda could not be thwarted – not by Morgoth, not by Sauron, by Orcs and other foul creatures.

But they would grieve for the lost time and beauty.
The evening before the funeral of his adoptive father, Erestor searched out Lindir who was practising with the other minstrels for the following days. The young ellon had sung himself into the hearts of his audience and in the last years he had often sung solo while his fellows accompanied him with lutes, harps and flutes.

And this was how Erestor found them in the hall of fire, while maids prepared the room and decorated it in dark colours for the following evening. The chief advisor stood at the large wooden doors that opened to the hall and listened to the songs and when the music died away he walked to the musicians.
His face was cold and calculating as always when he addressed the elves before him.

"That was beautiful. It was for Aglaron, I take it?"

Some of the minstrels were openly surprised to hear that the aloof chief counsellor had been able to guess correctly of whom they had sung. They had not thought him to care or even know that much about the young guard.
Lindir nodded. "Can we help you, lord chief counsellor?"
"Actually, yes, you can." He drew some papers forth from his robes and held it out to Lindir. "I have found these sheets of music and I would like you to play them tomorrow for lord Dírhael. It's a bit short notice, I know, but still ... I ... I thought that ... maybe ..."

Erestor did not look Lindir in the eyes but held his gaze fixed at the papers in his hand and as Lindir took them he saw the counsellor's hands shiver slightly.
Lindir nodded slowly. "Of course, my lord."
Erestor inclined his head, turned on his heels and strode away, the minstrels behind them exchanging surprised glances. Only Lindir stood there, thoughtfully looking over the notes and imagining the song in his head; it was beautiful.

The next sunset found a large party of elves at Imladris' graveyard. Erestor stood next to his adoptive father's empty grave, his face blank, while Elrond, Glorfindel and many others raised their voice in speeches of honour for the fallen elves.
The chief advisor seemed strangely out of place between the crying and honestly grieving elves. His dispassionate, indifferent expression did not fit to someone who had lost a beloved father, a fact that brought up much disgust and ill will from his fellow elves. He only stood quietly at the graves and spoke some words when it was expected of him: nothing special, more or less a summary of what had been said before.

Only when the minstrels started to play and Lindir raised his voice in a sweet lament, Erestor lowered his head and let the black waves of his hair obscure his face
"I remember a meadow one morning in May.

With a sky full of dreams that sailed in that day.

I was dancing through green waves of grass like the sea

For a moment in time I could feel I was free.
"There are waves of forgiveness and waves of regret.

And the first waves of true love I'll never forget.

In the meadow that morning as I wandered alone

There were green waves of yearning for life

still unknown.
"Take me home to the meadow that cradles my heart

Where the waves reach as far as you can see.

Take me home to the meadow we've been too long apart,

I can still hear you calling for me.
"Take me home to the meadow that cradles my heart

Where the waves reach as far as you can see.

Take me home to the meadow we've been too long apart,

I can still hear you calling for me.
"What I'd give to remember that heavenly state

Just a moment in time all mine to create.

As I'm taking my last breath I know what I'll see

There'll be green waves forever out there waiting for me.
"Take me home to the meadow that cradles my heart

Where the waves reach as far as you can see.

Take me home to the meadow we've been too long apart,

I can still hear you calling for me."

(Secret Garden, Greenwaves)
As soon as Lindir's voice subsided Erestor stole away as quietly as he could but still drawing the attention of many of the assembled elves and soon after the dark ellon had left, the whispers started.
"How can he do that? Leaving the funeral of the one who took him in."

"That is so disrespectful!"

"I never understood why lord Dírhael adopted him in the first place."
"Silence, please!" Elrond's voice was calm but demanded attention. He waited some moments more before he begged the minstrels to proceed.
After the laments had been sung the assembled elves returned to the main house. They would sing more while the stars appeared but most did not stay at the graves that did not hold bodies.
Lindir though left the crowd to search for the silent advisor who had become a mystery to him. Only weeks ago he had considered Erestor the coldest heartless elf on Arda. Even Feanor had loved – though the object of his greatest desire had been the Silmaril he had been capable of desire – something he had doubted that Erestor with his dispassionate demeanour could feel.
Now he was not sure if maybe the chief advisor had simply no people skills when it came to private matters. Oh, he was one of the best when it came to scheming and negotiating but approaching other elves as a friend was a completely different matter. At least in the council chamber he knew that his opponent would do everything to manoeuvre him to the inferior position, there he knew what to expect.

The truth was that he felt compassion for the lonely ellon.
After nearly half an hour he found Erestor sitting on the ground in Dírhael's office, his back leaning against the former chief advisor's desk, crying softly.

As he entered silently, Erestor startled and stood hurriedly. He turned away from the minstrel and wiped away his tears.
Lindir saw the slim shoulders shaking while the advisor tried to calm down by drawing shuddering intakes of breath.
"Does lord Elrond need me?"
Lindir cocked his head. "You know very well that our lord would not send one of his best minstrels to fetch his chief advisor."
"It was the most likely of the few legal or at least honourable reasons for you to come into my office that I could think of. Maybe the only one."
"Legal?" Lindir shook his head, smiling slightly. Moments later Erestor turned, a deadly glare on his fair feature.
"I have had enough of this. You will leave now for I will not tolerate your taunting any longer!"
Weeks ago, Lindir would have lashed back in an instance but now all he saw was a wounded animal that had decided to attack out of fear and instinctual self-protection. He smiled bitterly to himself, wishing he had realized this earlier; unfortunately Erestor did not react well at being smiled at in his current situation with what he thought to be a derisive smirk.
Erestor's nose wrinkled only a little bit in disgust, that was all the warning the dark ellon gave before he strode towards the white haired minstrel, stopping only centimetres in front of Lindir, his black eyes staring at blue ones, cold and filled with hatred.
"Careful, *minstrel*; else you will regret your deeds and words. You wouldn't want that, would you?"

Erestor sneered. The counsellor was a little bit smaller than his opponent but still Lindir felt as if the chief advisor towered over him like a massive rock, menacingly dark and oppressive. Long moments passed while Lindir tried to control his sudden fear but only when Erestor slowly turned around did it subside.

The minstrel took the breath he hadn't noticed he was holding; he didn't understand what had just happened; only that his heart raced madly in his chest and his breathing was still frantic and irregular.
"Now go!"
But Lindir did not back away; on the contrary he started to move towards the black haired advisor. "You loved him."
"I would have thought you more intelligent than to think that we had an affair. But then, gossiping seems to be the only thing my fellow elves excel at lately, not logic."
"I didn't mean that." Lindir's melodious voice was calm and soft. "That song. You wrote it. He loved you as a son and he told you that his wife and daughter dwell in lord Námo's halls; that he wished to see the meadows of Aman and to be reunited with his family. And you loved him back like a son should. And you wrote that song for him."
Erestor laughed bitterly and turned again. "So you came to mock me, then? Yes, he was like a father to me, the only true family and friend I ever had! "
The minstrel sadly shook his head, his white tresses swinging. "You want to misunderstand, don't you?"

He turned and walked to the door, closed it quietly and leaned against it, effectively blocking the only exit. He would stay here with the grieving ellon as long as it would take to make him open up a little bit.
Erestor's expression betrayed his disbelieve, his mask had slipped.
"How dare you? You are trespassing, Lindir. Give way!"
"Make me." It was a serious request.
For some moments Erestor contemplated the situation. He could try to throw the white haired minstrel out of his office; but Lindir was slightly taller and stronger. Chances were high that he would not be able to best his opponent. Furthermore the other seemed to have set his mind on talking with him. Something he himself was not inclined to do.

But Lindir was no aggressive person and had never attacked another physically. Surely he wouldn't get violent if he resorted to ignoring him?

So taking one deep breath Erestor returned to his desk and started to work.
Lindir frowned in surprise at the sudden change of behaviour. Still he was determined to wait.
Long minutes passed with Lindir leaning against the door and Erestor scribbling on a piece of paper, organizing his tasks for the coming week. He sighed as it got longer and longer for he had Elrond's, Dírhael's and his own duties to do, not to mention those of the three advisors he had dismissed only a week ago. And more and more he pushed the irritating minstrel to a corner of his consciousness.
Meanwhile Lindir observed the counsellor closely, slowly becoming angered as his patience was growing thin: he could not understand Erestor's passive nature. A blind dwarf could notice that the advisor was unhappy; and how could he not, having lost his only friend and adoptive father? But still he would never accept help, too stubborn and too proud was he to do so.
Maybe he should force Erestor to listen. Lindir had always liked Dírhael and the fondness that the old ellon had had towards this darkling woke his curiosity; and Erestor's knowledge and literacy would make for a good companion now that he knew the dark ellon was not as cold hearted as he had thought him to be. Lindir was determined to befriend Erestor even if the dark ellon would prove to be a biting, fire-spitting deadly dragon.
And he was beautiful. Everyone seemed to ignore it, but Erestor was beautiful with his black shining tresses and his pale skin. His lips like rose petals and his eyes like glistening onyxes. There was something exotic about his features and he moved with a cat-like grace. Oh yes, he was beautiful.
Well, maybe a dragon like Erestor only needed someone courageous to tame him; and maybe a few drastic measures.
Like a predator creeping up on his prey he approached the smaller ellon – who was still quite busy ignoring him. With surprising swiftness he grabbed the backrest of Erestor's chair and quickly turned it around.

He smiled at the black haired advisor's surprised expression but the darkling reacted first. Erestor stood and tried to push Lindir back; but the minstrel quickly caught his wrists and turned him around, crossing his slender arms, restraining Erestor in a tight embrace.
Erestor was taken aback by the strength with which he was held against the other and therefore his attempts at freeing himself were weak at best.
"Now *you* will listen. I never spoke ill about you and I had the highest of respects for lord Dírhael. It is true though: I was not overly fond of you."

Growing angry again at the minstrel's words, Erestor struggled in earnest against the restricting arms.
"Be still!" Lindir hissed. "I realized, that we know nothing about each other." He was relieved when the advisor stilled.

"But when I read the lament … I think that I might have misjudged you just as you misjudge me."
Erestor had finally managed to get his raging emotions under control again and as he spoke he did it with his calm, demanding demeanour that served him so well in the council chambers.
"Lindir, Let go of me! Then, kindly tell me why you are here and *trespassing*."
The minstrel only smiled against the black tresses. "I want more songs. I will get the next song in four weeks. That should give you time enough."
He felt Erestor stiffen and grinned. All of a sudden he let go of the advisor who nearly stumbled due to the lack of support. Then Lindir exited the study, hoping to have surprised the advisor enough to have awoken his curiosity in turn.

The next four weeks Erestor caught himself at thinking about words, rhymes and melodies, a small smile playing on his lips. When he headed from the counsel rooms towards his office, or when he made his way to the great hall for another meal, when he left his office deep in the night to search out his bed for some hours rest and sometimes, but very seldom, when sitting at his desk and his thoughts wandered off.

While he was always irritated by the way the minstrel's sudden disruption of his one moment of grief had affected him and caused his normally unwavering concentration to slip, he was berating himself sharply whenever the thoughts of music disrupted his work and punished himself by working even longer. When Elrond ordered him to bed, he would simply work in his own chambers.
The only one noticing was Erestor's new assistant: Melpomaen. But the young one was still not self-confident enough to bring it up in front of Elrond or Erestor.

And more than others Melpomaen could see the workload that they had to get done, that would not allow them to work less. Three senior advisors and one chief counsellor were not easily replaced; and Elrond certainly wasn't. Even with Melpomaen and his new instructor working night and day and delegating more work to the other advisors, they could barely manage.

Still, after two weeks the advisors managed to accomplish the daily work without too many problems due to Erestor's efficient nature and strict leadership.
Meanwhile Elrond and his children cared for Celebrían devotedly and slowly the silver lady recovered. It took her nearly a week to awake but at last she did.

The first thing Celebrían was aware of was the pain, a dull numbing pain all over her body. It seemed like venom in her veins and tissue, poisoning her very being, filling her and becoming her only reality.
And then there were those images and feelings.

Dark. Cold. Fear. Oh and that smell. Rough hands and pain; endless pain. Dírhael chokes on his blood. Blood on her hands. The sound of his choking and his eyes. His eyes! The soldier screams her name, calls for her. The whip leaves streams of agony on her back. She does not manage to get her feet into the stirrups. Oh Valar, they are coming nearer. The Orc loosens his ragged trousers. She looks up but the soldier is gone. Everyone is gone, everything is gone. Nothing left, no pride, no honour; nothing left intact, not her body, not her spirit.
Hot tears flowed down Celebrían's pale cheeks, a sob escaped her throat. She should have left, she should just have left. When her shoulders began to shake Elrond woke next to her.
"Hush, love!"

No she was not his love, Glorfindel was. Elrond just had not realised it yet, but she had, Celebrían knew that. She sobbed harder.
Elrond didn't know what to do. He could see the pain and fear in her eyes, he could feel it. Those Orcs had hurt her in a way he could not heal. He could not heal her spirit, seeing her eyes he was not sure if hers could heal here in Middle Earth at all. The worse was that he felt he had increased her pain with his declaration of love. And he knew not why.
"Are you in pain? Do you need something to drink? ... Please, just nod or shake your head."

When she nodded weakly he supported her in an upright position and took the water glass from the night stand. Raising the glass to her mouth he helped her drink. Softly Elrond smiled at the blond elleth that he loved so much. "Drink as much as you can."
"I have added a pain reliever. Slowly, dear one, don't upset your stomach."
He waited as Celebrían calmed down and fell asleep again. Raising the back of his hand shakily to his mouth he suppressed a sob. Maybe he would not be able to help her overcome her ordeal.

Slowly Celebrían recovered, at least physically. But she only spoke when asked to and never more than one-syllable answers.

Her children who had rejoiced at her awakening soon realised the real danger their mother was in and all their hopes, although diminishing daily, laid in the healing powers of their father and in the wisdom and might of their grand-mother and grand-father who were already on their way to Imladris. Never did they realise that Celebrían's fate was already woven in Vairë's tapestries.
Two weeks after she awoke, Celebrían was resting in the sun on one of the large balconies of Imladris. She had not yet fully healed; although the countless bruises were finally fading, her broken ribs and leg would need more time, not to mention the cuts and whip marks.
Arwen was sitting at her side, trying to distract her mother with talk or singing; both not really showing any success. The young elleth had even tried to engage her mother in chess, a game that they used to play together for hours. But nothing could give Celebrían pleasure anymore.

And so Arwen became silent after two hours and went to sit beside her mother instead, letting her feel that she was not alone.
"Arwen."
"Yes nana?"
"I have done so many mistakes."
Arwen had expected that her mother would blame herself, she was not unprepared. "No, nana! You have done nothing wrong, nothing to have deserved that!"
"Hush please aewithen! You are young. There is much that you don't know. Please get your brothers and your father. It is time for me to speak openly after centuries of silence. And please bring Glorfindel with you."
Slowly Arwen stood. She was afraid of what was to come. Somehow she knew that Celebrían would leave after that conversation. For some moments she stood there, hoping against reason that her mother would revoke her request but to no avail.
"I'll return in some minutes."
Arwen rushed to her father's office, nearly running but it was empty. She turned and without knocking she opened the door to Erestor's office. He always knew what was going on in Imladris.

Her father's chief advisor looked up at the sudden intrusion and upon seeing his lord's daughter he stood, bowing formally.
"Erestor have you seen my father?"
"No, my lady. But I know where he is. He is with the lords Elladan and Elrohír. I shall seek them out and send them to you right away."
But the princess was unfortunately not in the mood for propriety or patience. "I need them *now*! And Glorfindel."
Erestor blushed a little bit. "My lady Arwen, half an hour ago your brothers came to take lord Elrond to the baths." He cleared his throat. "It would be improper for you to search them out there."
Arwen rolled her eyes. She kind of liked Erestor with his arid way. "Oh well then, I would ask you to fetch them and bring them to my father's chambers."
Erestor bowed again. "Yes, my lady."
"And do you have any idea where lord Glorfindel is?"
"A patrol returned an hour ago and should now be reporting to the seneschal in his office. I will send a servant. I presume he also is to come to the family wing?"
"Yes, Erestor, thank you." She turned to leave but she stopped at the doorframe and looked back

"You really are one of Imladris' greatest treasures, you know?"
The dark ellon opened his mouth but closed it again, blushing deeply. Arwen smiled a little bit sadly, knowing how alone the dark ellon must be after his adoptive father had died. Few ever commended Erestor and all who did were currently putting all their strength into her family. She knew she should do something about it but her mother needed her, too.
"I will be on my way, my mother is waiting."

Minutes later Erestor entered the baths, clad in his high-necked black robes, though the servants had forced him to take off his soft leather shoes. Now he strode towards the pools in the back, completely upright and never glancing sideways to where he was being observed by his fellow elves with more than one snicker and biting remark.

He went straight up to Elrond and his sons and cleared his throat to get their attention. His mouth was drawn into a thin line, the only sign of his anger as he bowed stiffly. All three peredhil looked to him in surprise. Erestor had never been in the public baths before and not even Dírhael had ever asked him to, understanding the need to avoid disrobing in front of others.
"My lords. Lady Arwen bids you all to meet her in the family wing in your chambers, lord Elrond. Before you ask, the lady did not declare herself but indicated that it is a matter of high urgency. Lord Glorfindel will join you in some minutes."
He bowed again and turned on his heels, walking just slow enough to evade the appearance of fleeing the uncomfortable situation. The three ellyn in the water looked at each other, suddenly concerned. Celebrían was supposed to be in the family wing. They only hoped that she was alright.
"Let us go!" Elrond said and exited the pool.
"You know, I have never seen Erestor dress so revealingly." Elrohír joked nervously but his brother and father did not smile.

When the three peredhil arrived Celebrían laid on the lounger on the sunlit terrace. Arwen sat to her feet, gently stroking her arm.
Elrond rushed to his wife. "Celebrían are you alright?"
The silver lady looked up to him. Amidst her family she stood out visibly with her golden hair and blue eyes. All of her children had inherited the dark hair and grey eyes of their father. Only Arwen had her face.

The lord observed his wife, she was pale but she did not look any worse than in the morning when he last had examined her. The blue robe she wore was still a little bit too large for her weakened body but still she seemed to be doing fine.
Something else troubled him: the determined but serene expression on her face. She had come to a decision, an important decision, but one he felt he would not like.
"Please sit down all of you. I am fine, Elrond."

But her husband was not satisfied with that answer and while Elladan and Elrohír went to retrieve enough chairs for them all he went to examine her.
After some minutes the door to Elrond's chambers was pushed open again by a tall blond ellon
"Elrond? My lady Celebrían? Are you alright?" Glorfindel strode into the room. "I came immediately. Has something happened?"

Something about the rather formal character of the invitation had alarmed him to no end and he wondered if he now got the explanation for lady Celebrían's odd behaviour.
"Calm down, my friend." Elrond said as he turned to look at his captain but Glorfindel could see that Elrond was concerned, too. And concernedly they watched Celebrían as she sat up to invite the captain to sit with a graceful hand gesture.

"Sit down, all of you. And Elrond: stop fussing!" She gently reprimanded her husband.
The silver lady looked lovingly to her family. Valar, how she loved them.
"I love you all so much." She smiled with tear-glistening eyes.
"We love you, too, nana." Elrohír said as his siblings nodded somewhat anxiously.
"Please, do not ... do not interrupt me. I need to do this." Again she smiled and then she looked to her husband and extended her hand. Elrond took it, gently cradling her white hand in his.
"You know, I wanted you the instant I first saw you." She turned to her children. "Your father was so shy when I first met him, he barely managed to speak to me." Once again she turned to her husband. "Oh you were so sweet, you made such a fool of yourself. But I decided that you could not be that dumb being Gil-galad's herald."
Elrond smiled. "I would never have had the courage to approach you. The beautiful daughter of Celeborn and Galadriel! Luckily you were bolder."
Celebrían sobered quickly. "My mother told me not to. When I started to pursue you she warned me."
Elrond frowned. "She warned you? I never had the feeling that she disliked me ..."
Gently Celebrían squeezed his hand "Oh she likes you a lot. Both my parents do. She did not warn me of you.
FLASHBACK
Celebrían had spent the evening in Elrond's company. The Half-Elf was visiting the Golden Wood and spend some time here, improving the relationship between Imladris and Lóriën.
Nearly euphoric she danced upstairs to the royal talan. But her mother and father already waited for her. Celebrían stopped and climbed the rest of the stairs while smiling to herself. "I am sorry, we forgot the time. But worry not: we were never alone. Haldir accompanied us and some friends of Elrond."
Galadriel looked to her daughter, a grave expression on her beautiful face. "I don't want you to pursue him."
"Excuse me?"The silver lady leaned forward slightly, not believing her ears.
"Listen to your mother child." Celeborn gently interfered. He knew Galadriel was afraid, afraid to lose their daughter, but with her current display of self-will she would get nowhere with their daughter.

"Just for some minutes."
"You are not meant to be together, Celebrían. He is not your soul mate and you are not his. You will be happy for a time but in the end Elrond will encounter his true soul mate. It will ruin you and you will sail to Aman."
Celebrían clenched her teeth. "I love him and he loves me. You are wrong!" She hissed.
"You will be stealing time, Celebrían. Centuries of time that Elrond should spend with the one who is meant for him. Centuries of grief for the both of you."
"You know that the future you see is fickle! I can change it and I will prove you wrong!" Celebrían raised her voice until she was all but screaming.
"Calm down, both of you!" Celeborn thundered. Both ellyth looked to him, both searching for his support but he could only give it to one.
"Celebrían, we love you more than anything else. All we are trying to do is protect you." He tried to reason.
"But one day you will have to realise that this is my life and not yours."
Her father nodded. "We know that, darling. But Galadriel has seen you sail, she has seen Elrond with his soul mates. Sometimes we can change what we are shown by the Valar but we cannot change who Eru has intended for us, and *he* is not that one. He is not yours, Celebrían."
But the silver lady was too stubborn and proud to concede. Glaring at her parents she said with as much forcefulness as she could muster "I will prove you wrong! You will not come between us!"
END OF FLASHBACK
Celebrían still held the hand of the one she loved, a deep sadness in her eyes. Gently she rubbed the slender fingers that had wrapped around hers.

She could see that Elrond was trying not to cry but he was dangerously close.
"I had no right on you but still I cannot regret it." She took a deep trembling breath before continuing.

"I wanted you all to know that I will sail to the Undying lands. I have witnessed too much to find peace here."
Immediately there was a shocked uproar from her children

"No!"

"You cannot leave!"

"We need you here!"
Glorfindel had so far stood in the background, not really knowing why the lady wanted him here but slowly he had an idea where this was leading towards and he felt incredibly uncomfortable.
"Hush, please. I cannot stay ... you don't ... I do not regret anything even if it is rather egotistic. I have been granted a wonderful life with wonderful children. You all have made it worthwhile."

Tears flowed down Celebrían's cheeks.
"But I need to go. I cannot steal any more time, neither Elrond's nor that of his soul mate. My mother was right."
A deafening silence settled between the assembled elves. Elrond wept for the knowledge that he would lose his wife, that she could not be convinced to stay. He felt empty now, finally understanding the nature of her grief. He did not know what he had expected but not this, never this.
Elladan, Elrohír and Arwen sat in their arm chairs. Elladan stared into nothingness, his jaw set firmly while Elrohír held Arwen and tried to comfort her.

And Glorfindel saw all this with growing distress. He, too was close to tears for the pain the family in front of him suffered through. He did not want to intrude, but he also did not know what to do.
"Hîn, could you please wait outside for a moment? I have to talk to your father and Glorfindel first. I just did not want to tell this twice." She smiled at them as they raised and left the room one by one. Only Arwen looked back, understanding what was to happen in this room now. Numbness overcame her. She needed to deal with this news, but she just could not do it now. It was all too much.
Celebrían looked to Glorfindel woefully. "I have envied you for a long time."
Glorfindel looked down and said nothing. What should he have said anyway?
"Celebrían, there was never need to, I love you! I always have." Elrond quietly said.
The silver lady shook her head. "But have you not listened? We are not soul mates, love. But I know that you and Glorfindel are. I have only kept you from each other.

I do not regret it, for I have had the gift of three wonderful children. They are my joy."
Celebrían looked to Glorfindel. "Come hither, cousin." The blond ellon slowly approached and Celebrían took his hand in her free one.
"I want the two of you to be happy."

Then she looked intently to her husband

"Do remember our time together with fondness, do not think of the grief I have put you through. One day we will meet again in the Undying Lands and there I will call you mellon and I will be happy for you and you will be happy with the one you love."
"Don't do this."
"Elrond peredhel, I am severing our bond. I give you free to live and love. Love again Elrond Earendilion! Love Glorfindel like you should."

A single sob escaped her before she managed to compose herself again.

"He is my mother's cousin and the most valiant and honourable ellon in this valley besides you and our children and he deserves your love, not your mourning over someone who was not meant to be with you."
"Celebrían ..."
"I bless your union ... now please go. Give me some minutes before you send in our children. I will tell them."
"Please, love."
"Elrond, go! Glorfindel, please leave!"
The captain nodded and took Elrond's arm, steering him out of the room. "Come, both of you need some time."
Glorfindel took Elrond outside where his children were waiting.

All three stood immediately in one fluid motion, anxiously awaiting the news.
"What happened?"

"What did mother say?" The twins asked simultaneously. Arwen stayed quiet and instead observed her father. He looked miserable, pale and weak, all life fled from his being and the light in his eyes but a small flame behind an impenetrable curtain of pain and grief.
As Elrond did not answer, Glorfindel swallowed the lump in his throat and did in his place. "She severed their bond. Celebrían will go into the west and set Elrond free."

The captain did not meet the younger elves' eyes, telling them as much as they needed to know to guess the rest.
"To love you?" Arwen asked, but her voice was void of judgement. It was a question; nothing more, nothing less.
"I ... pen neth, I don't know about Elrond, but I need some time myself to sort things out, okay?"
Elrohír felt so drained. His whole world was turning upside down, all the constants in his life falling away. He turned to his brother, who stood next to him and laid his hand on his shoulder. Both needed the quiet affirmation that at least they would not desert each other, even if everything else was falling apart. Elladan on the other side did not know what to feel. He wanted to be angry at Glorfindel for loving his father, at his mother for deserting them, at his father for not preventing it ... but he couldn't. He was angry at himself for not finding their mother early enough, for not being able to spare her the torment; even though he knew she would have gone nonetheless.

And he hated those Orcs, those filthy, horrible, cruel monsters. They had ruined his mother's life, his life. He would hunt them down, one by one.
"Please give Celebrían some minutes, and then she wants to talk to you." Elrond said.

"I am so sorry for everything."
"There was nothing you could have done, Elrond. No one is to blame save those Orcs."
Arwen watched as her father unconsciously leaned onto Glorfindel. They didn't know it yet, but a blind dwarf could see that they loved each other. Well it seemed her father and her brother's tutor, who was nearly like a second father for all three peredhil children only needed to catch up on that.
"Glorfindel, I really think you should bring ada into the gardens, he is quite pale."
"Arwen, I don't need you to ..." Elrond started but Glorfindel understood at once.

"It's alright, Elrond. It's a good idea, come. You will be alright?"
As the three brunettes nodded, Elrond and Glorfindel left.
Arwen turned to her brothers. She could feel their distress, she was hurting, too, but she could understand that the guilt weighted on them heavily.

She sighed and made to sit between them, her brothers shifting hesitantly to the sides to make her room.
"Elladan, Elrohír. We need to decide what to do. It seems our elders have made their decisions without us: nana will leave and she wants Glorfindel and ada to be together, she thinks that they are meant for each other. And ada, although he has not realised it yet, loves Glorfindel."
"How do you know?" Elrohír asked.
"Don't fret brother, soon you will see it, too." She taunted.
Again silence fell between them while they all pursued their own thoughts. Finally Elladan moved to Arwen's right.
"I don't want to lose her."
Elrohír leaned forward to be able to look at his brother. "I know, but she will go. Come, let us go inside and talk to her."

Meanwhile Elrond and Glorfindel had reached the gardens and were walking silently next to each other.

It was an awkward situation. Their first and only kiss had been not even six months ago and since then they had put much effort in assuring each other that they were nothing more but friends, very close friends. Now they had been pushed into a kind of relationship that was far beyond that and none of them was comfortable with the circumstances at all.
And Elrond was losing his wife.
"Are you alright?"

As that earned him a snort, Glorfindel bit his lip. "okay, I agree, bad question."
"Glorfindel, have you ever thought about that night in the gardens? When you comforted me."
The blond ellon sighed. He was afraid of the next step but then, he had never been one to back away from his fears. "Yes, of course."
Elrond looked to him. "I will lose my wife. I love her, Glorfindel. But I have always trusted Galadriel and Celebrían. I don't know what to think of all this ... mess."

Tiredly Elrond drew his hand through his long dark tresses. "But truth be told: I often wondered what would have happened if I had met you before marrying Celebrían."
Glorfindel looked up towards the blue afternoon sky. "Just let us not rush things. I will be there for you, as I always have, as a friend. And then let us see how things develop, okay?"
Elrond nodded.

After Celebrían had informed her family about her wish to depart, at least the anxiety in the peredhil family vanished but it left behind a deep sadness and profound hate for Orcs that was mostly palpable in the young heirs of Elrond Half-Elven: Elladan and Elrohír.
Not even deferring to the arrival of their grand-parents they went to avenge their mother, feeling they could do nothing in Imladris, they vowed to only return when all of the Orcs that had tortured their mother were dead.
Elrond, Celebrían, Arwen and Glorfindel tried to persuade them into staying but to no avail. One morning they were gone leaving only a note for their family.

Lindir slowly walked to Erestor's office. He was nervous, to say the least. Maybe it had not been a good idea to give the counsellor so much time to think about their not yet existent friendship. He had wanted to catch the advisor out, to not give him any time to think, but then at the last moment he had backed away.

He guessed that his chances were high that Erestor would kick him out, not just literally. But well, maybe it was worth it, if he managed to drag him out of the shell the advisor hid himself in.
Finally he stood in front of the large wooden door leading to Erestor's office. He looked behind, where Elrond was probably working in his own office and wrinkled his nose in reconsideration. If Erestor threw a tantrum, their lord was bound to hear every word. The minstrel sighed. 'For Dírhael; and for Erestor. After all it is in his interest.'
Lindir did not knock, but opened the door as if he owned the room and strode in. Erestor only momentarily looked up and devoted himself to his work again. The minstrel only barely managed to hide his irritation at being ignored once again and instead sat directly onto the parchments the advisor was currently reading.
Taking a deep breath, Erestor leaned back and looked at Lindir.
Lindir smiled. "I came for my song, my lord."
Erestor looked back to the courtyard, his jaw clenching, not with anger but with sadness and frustration.
Lindir's smile vanished and he sighed in disappointment. He had hoped, had so hoped that Erestor would open up to him. The song he had written for Dírhael's funeral had unveiled so much of Erestor's true character that he had hoped they could build a friendship through music. Erestor would not have had to talk to him directly but could have unburdened himself nonetheless. And now the advisor retreated.
In the middle of the oppressive silence he nearly missed the quiet whisper "I tried. I tried to write something merry and blithe ... but I could not."
The minstrel observed his opponent. What others saw as coldness was the deepest grief that Lindir had ever seen. Frozen in time, reclining from the world, the pain and hurt, Erestor sat there motionless like a marble statue. A broken existence, an animal bleeding to death, dying from the shock of being wounded too badly.

Not daring to move or interfere Lindir decided to just listen.
"The lady Celebrían will sail next year. Did you know that?"
Lindir's eyes nearly bulged out. No, this he had not heard. No whispers had brought him such dark news. Slowly he shook his head, dazed by Erestor's revelation.
"Then I am sorry. Please do not repeat it to anyone. Our lord should choose the right moment to announce this."
The white haired minstrel carefully examined the other black haired ellon. So this was the reason why Erestor seemed so ... depressed, lifeless even? Somehow he doubted that, but maybe it had been the last straw.

Dark circles showed beneath his dull eyes and his black tresses did not shine anymore.
"I swear to never breathe a word. But I am here now for you, to listen."
Erestor did not look at him but stared unfocused out of the large windows that opened to the courtyard below.
"lord Erestor, don't imprison yourself, talk to me! If not through spoken words then do so through verses! And don't play-act. If you try to force something into your songs that you are not, it will only be for the worse. Let them come at their own time, put your feelings and thoughts into them and they will be just as beautiful and help you heal."
Thoughtfully Lindir chewed at his lip as the chief advisor did not answer.
"Erestor ... I may skip the lord, if that's alright with you?" Lindir made it a rhetorical question, not leaving enough time for an answer. "Fine, no lord then. I hate it anyway.

So: You will come with me now."
It was the only warning that Erestor got before Lindir grabbed his upper arm and pulled him upwards and out of the room.
"Let go, lord minstrel." He growled loudly "I have had enough of you bottling me or pushing me around!" Erestor managed to get hold of the doorframe and thereby hindered their progress.
"Erestor, we agreed on skipping the lord. Now let go, this is completely childish!" Lindir pressed out while he tried to pry open Erestor`s tight hold on the wooden doorframe, bracing one foot against the wood in the attempt.
Suddenly they heard the door behind them open and Elrond stepped out, only managing a baffled "What ...?" at the unique sight that greeted him. There was his solemn chief advisor clinging to the door frame of his office with a dogged expression, his knuckles already white from the force of his grip; behind the advisor stood his best minstrel, one foot braced against the wall, trying to break Erestor's hold loose, all the while cursing loudly.
At hearing his lord speak behind him, Erestor turned his head and his grip loosened in his shock. Immediately he was thrown backwards as Lindir still had his foot braced against the wall to pull him away from his office door. With a yelp both elves fell backwards against the opposite wall, landing in a heap of black and blue clothes, black hair mingling with white, only one meter away from the lord of the valley.
Elrond stared down at them, one eyebrow raised. "And what, pray tell, are you doing here?"
Erestor pulled himself free of the minstrel and hastily stood up, straightening his robes. Lindir nervously grinned and climbed to his feet.

As the advisor took a deep breath to answer his lord, Lindir interfered. "I tried to carry your chief advisor off, my lord. You see he has worked to exhaustion these last weeks and I think some fresh air would do him good. And as it is, it seems that your chief advisor is not only one of the most intelligent elves I ever met, but one of the most stubborn also: sometimes one should force him to his luck."
Erestor stared unbelievingly at the white haired minstrel. Such outrageous disrespect! How dared Lindir speak thusly over him to their lord, while he stood next to him, no less!

He gritted his teeth, turning towards Elrond. "My lord, I ..."
But the Half-Elf spoke up, interrupting his chief advisor with a raised hand. His stern gaze lingered on Lindir, piercing him.
"And you are sure that you have no ... less honourable intentions? I will not tolerate any malevolence."
Erestor cocked his head. "Well, thank you, my lord, but ..."
Lindir straightened and bravely met his lord's stare. "Never would I do such a thing. But I have the impression that Erestor needs some distraction ..."
"... I do not!" Erestor angrily exclaimed.
"... and I just wanted to take him outside for awhile."
Erestor had had enough; he turned on his heels and started to storm into his office again, when Elrond's clear voice halted him.
"Erestor! I think this is a great idea: go with Lindir, you have covered up for me for so long, now it is my time to return the favour."
Slowly Erestor turned, not quite believing his ears. Lindir grinned.
"I have no desire for a stroll in the gardens, my lord; and I have to finish some tasks first ..."
"I said I would cover up for you. Don't make me order you!"
Erestor opened his mouth and closed it again. Giving a curt nod as affirmation he glared at Lindir "Take the lead, then." He said in a clipped tone.
Lindir grinned devilishly and took Erestor's forearm . The minstrel nearly jogged as he pulled Erestor along who was obviously only trying to keep pace. The advisor had never been very sportive and soon Lindir had him panting.
"Lindir! Let go." He hissed while they passed some very confused Elves on the various corridors of the Last Homely House. It must have been a sight to behold: the well-liked minstrel with his white hair and light blue clothes dragging the most unpopular of Elves in all of Imladris through the corridor, Erestor nearly stumbling over his long black robes. Like a white gyre falcon and a crow they seemed.

Erestor hated the looks he got, the disapproving frowns. Lindir caused so much furore and he felt so uncomfortable at being the centre of attention in Imladris' halls.
With one sharp tug he pulled himself free. "I said let go!"

He was breathing heavily and stared at the minstrel in unconcealed anger.
Lindir tilted his head. "I am sorry. Will you come now?"
"Suddenly I have a say in the matter? After you humiliated me in front of lord Elrond and nearly the whole household, dragging me through the corridors?" Erestor sneered, trying to keep his voice down.
"Not really. You know I could return to lord Elrond and tell him that you weren't cooperating ..."
Erestor straightened. "As every Elf in Imladris I am our lord's subject and generally have to obey him. But not when it comes to private matters."
Lindir grinned. "In this case I would just have to find lord Glorfindel and bid him to tie you up so that I could take you along without too many problems or bruises. Thinking about it: you tied up and all to myself ... not a bad idea after all."

Lindir's broad smile froze and vanished as he noticed with concern the sudden tension in the advisor's body. Erestor raised his chin and drew back a bit, his eyes large and shocked.
"A joke, Erestor. I was joking." The minstrel tried to placate the other ellon, but Erestor only retreated further.
"Tying up someone to bend them to your will is no joke."
Lindir grew even more concerned. What had just gone wrong that awfully? A moment ago Erestor had only been angry with him for the disrespect shown to his person but now ... Erestor seemed so tense and disdainful; and those words. Had this happened to him? Had Erestor been forced to ...
Elbereth no! He could not have known ... and now he had ruined every chance of friendship.

Maybe something drastic could save the situation. A sincere apology ... drastic.
Slowly Lindir sank down on one knee, following a sudden idea. Erestor opened his mouth in shock and blushed a deep scarlet. Good, very good.

Then the minstrel took Erestor's hand, pulling it against his chest. The advisor was so baffled that he didn't even try to pull back; even better.
Around them everyone had gone quiet as shocked eyes turned to the minstrel and the chief advisor.
"Erestor I never meant any disrespect towards you. You are right of course and never would I do something like that, not to you and not to anyone else.

My careless bantering hurt, I can see that. But I did not want to imply what you thought. You are beautiful, my friend, and I think you don't know it. I just wanted to tell you this without making a fool out of myself. But I just managed to achieve the opposite effect, didn't I?

I am sorry Erestor, please forgive me."
"Please stand." Erestor murmured imploringly, looking aside. Raising his voice he addressed the other elves in the hall around them, who still stared at the odd pair, trying to understand what had just happened between them.

"Leave immediately!"

His voice was so deadly, so commanding that none of the assembled elves dared to disobey him. Soon they hastened out of the room to avoid the sharp tongue and deathly glare. But the damage was done and for the next decades Lindir and Erestor never really managed to smother the rumours of an affair between them.
Only when they were alone once more and Lindir stood before the darkling, Erestor finally answered.

"There is nothing to forgive. There are just some very sensitive subjects when it comes to me."
"And I have the misfortune to immediately stumble upon them most ungracefully."
Erestor smiled. "I would not say 'ungracefully'. Certainly I would give you the highest gradings for the exceptional, inventive and acrobatic style with which you always put your foot in it."
Lindir laughed heartily at the uncharacteristic comment. "But mellon! You truly are beautiful when you smile. You should do that more often!"
"Stop that, now!" But the smile on Erestor's face and the endearing blush took the edge of his words.

"And where do you want to 'carry me off' to?"
Lindir gently linked arms with Erestor and started walking again, but slowly. "As you said yourself that you had no desire for a stroll in the gardens, I thought I would 'carry you off' on horseback."
Immediately Erestor halted, forcing Lindir to come to a stop, also. The minstrel looked back into the stone mask of the chief advisor, a mask of indifference, his shield to the world.
"No."
Lindir raised both eyebrows in question. "No? Why?"
"Because I don't like riding; I don't wear appropriate clothes, nor do I own some; I don't like your company; It would take too long until we returned and I have work to do. The last time I sat on a horse was when I came to Imladris centuries ago. I am not very sportive, I ... I never leave Imladris and ... I don't know. Choose a reason!"
With that, Erestor turned and rushed back towards his office, leaving behind a very confused white-haired minstrel.

It was a few days later that Celeborn and Galadriel arrived. What should have been a joyous event (for it was the first time since Arwen's birth) was a silent and sorrowful reunion. Celebrían would be lost to them for many a century, they would not see her again until their time came to sail.
After a short formal welcoming the lord and lady were lead to the family wing where their daughter hailed. Celebrían had not left her chambers since her return and not wanted to do so until the day she would depart for Mithlond the following year. Being the proud elleth that she was, Celebrían feared the reaction of her fellows, the pity in their eyes; and truth be told: she would have seen it had she just stepped out of her little sanctuary.
Long days and long nights the parents talked to her daughter about many a thing that had stayed unspoken for too long. With the help of her mother and father Celebrían found something like peace with her fate even though she could not forget her ordeal and the torture she had endured from the hands of creatures that had once been Elves.
Late one night the lords and ladies of the valley sat on the balcony of Elrond's and Celebrían's chambers. They had mostly sat in silence, giving each other comfort in their presence and watching the moon and stars arise.
"I have spoken with your chief advisor, Elrond." Galadriel said.
Elrond looked up to his mother-in-law. Galadriel had said it with an indifference that in itself was suspicious and she had not looked to him, indicating the seeming unimportance of her remark. But Elrond knew her too well to not notice the gleam in her eyes.
"Erestor" he remarked.
"Yes. An impressive advisor that you have there."
Elrond smiled sadly. "When Dírhael first told me about him, he said something like 'name a profession, any profession, Erestor will master it with ease in no time at all; give him the chance and he will be a great economist, architect, healer and diplomat, all at once.' "

Elrond broke off and looked up to the stars, blinking his tears away.

"He was right. He was always right ... I miss him." The last words came out as a whisper.
"You will see him again and he is with his family. Lord Námo will give Dírhael time to heal until he is ready to leave his halls.

You know that he longed to be with his family. Don't mourn him, there is no need to."

Glorfindel tried to comfort his friend. He was the only one in Middle Earth who had been in Námo's halls and returned to Middle Earth. He knew of what he spoke.
"You are right, of course. Isn't it strange that we weep for those we know are now safe and will never know hardship, hunger or pain again? Maybe 'tis all out of self-pity, because we are left behind."
"Whatever is the reason, weeping helps us to cast off the shadows on our souls, the weight on our shoulders. We should allow us this weakness to be strong again afterwards." Celeborn said in his deep, calm voice.
Silent minutes passed until Galadriel spoke up again.

"I must admit that I am curious. Erestor is now practically ruling Imladris single-handedly. Who is he? Where does he hail from?"
Elrond glanced to Celeborn who only shrugged and smiled as if saying 'women and their oddities'. Knowing that the Lady of Lothóriën probably had a very distinct reason to ask about Erestor, Elrond decided to probe a little bit deeper himself. Turning to her, he raised one elegantly curved eyebrow. "Why do you not ask him?"
Galadriel directly gazed at Elrond, suddenly becoming dead serious. "Because he won't answer."
The assembled Elves stared at her in shock, taking in the double meaning of her words. Firstly and not unexpectedly, Erestor had not told her about his more than hard childhood when asked and secondly and more importantly, his mind had not revealed to her what Galadriel surely would have sought to find out with the power of Nenya. Erestor had evaded her telepathic skills and only few Elves were able to do that.
"What does that mean?"
"Nothing. For a short moment I was able to feel what he felt, before he practically and rather violently pushed me away. I don't know if he was really that upset or if he simply never learned how to do it.

However he has no true ill will towards anyone here and he grieves deeply for the loss of Dírhael, and even for the other soldiers. I don't think him to be dangerous ... But there is guilt also and much pain. He will start to fade, Elrond."
"No ... he cannot!" Glorfindel cried out. He blushed a little bit as all attention was directed at him and quickly added "We need him here in the Hidden Valley! Imladris has already lost one chief advisor, and three seniors, Erestor cannot be spared. And he cannot die, he never even lived!"
Galadriel turned to Elrond once more. "I would like to speak to him in private, if I may. But he does his best to avoid being alone with me."
"He just lost his adoptive father and only friend, Galadriel. Please give him some time. You say he is no danger, than I see no reason for him to speak about something that he only tried to forget. You don't know what happened in his childhood, Galadriel. If you bring it up again now, I am certain he will fade. Give him a few years, I beg of you."
"Then I will speak with him when he is better."

Time flowed by. Soon the leaves were falling all around the Hidden Valley and with the falling leaves, the twins returned, having killed as many Orcs as they had been able to. More than one half-healed wound and scar showed the recklessness with which they had fought and attacked in their anger and hate and it caused much concern between the lords and ladies of Imladris and Lóriën.

So it came that Galadriel invited them to accompany her and Celeborn and Arwen to the Golden Wood, when Celebrían had left and it was to everyone's relief that they agreed. At least they would be out of danger under the watch of their grand-parents.
Elrond passed much time in the company of Celebrían and his family although he started to work again and relieve Erestor a little bit of the heavy workload he had to fulfil. As he saw for himself the amount of work his staff managed to accomplish each day without greater problems he was impressed, although he had a sore conscience for having deserted them for so long.
Immediately he instructed Erestor with employing new apprentices to help out; Erestor, detesting such tasks delegated it to his new student who was only to contact him if he had found a possible candidate. Still Erestor's demands were high and all but two of those who were gifted a qualifying period did not last one week. At last Elrond took his chief advisor aside to explain that the laws of the market applied to the employment market, too; even the principle of the equilibrium of supply and demand.

Fact was, they needed assistants, and fact was nearly all did not reach the high standards that Erestor placed upon them. So he needed to adjust them until they found enough assistants.

Erestor grumpily accepted the explanation and needed two months more to employ another three.
All the while the peredhil family prepared themselves for Celebrían's departure, trying to accept it. Celeborn and Galadriel had no minor part in this task and helped where they could while they also stood in contact with their chief advisor and worked on correspondence that he sent them.
So it was in spring the following year that Celebrían finally went on her last great journey. Her family and a rather large entourage made the long way to the Grey Havens where she went aboard of a large white ship that should bear her to Aman. At last Celebrían had gone.

CHAPTER END NOTES
ellon ~ male elf

ellyn ~ male elves

elleth ~ female elf

ellyth ~ female elves

aewithen ~ little bird

peredhel ~ half elf

peredhil ~ half elves

hîn ~ children

mellon ~ friend

pen neth ~ young one

ada ~ father
- 3
- 4
- 5
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The Bitter Glass