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Greenleaf & Imladris 14 - Crucible of Love	By : MPB Category: -Multi-Age > General Views: 6739 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Part 1
- 2-Part 2
- 3-Part 3
- 4-Part 4
- 5-Part 5
- 6-Part 6
- 7-Part 7
- 4
- 5
- 6
Part V

They arrived in Rivendell within the week. That they had succeeded in their undertaking was cause for celebration. But there was a pall over the three Elves that immediately caught the attention of Lord Elrond. Yet try as he might he could get nothing out of them. But when Legolas went to see him the very next morning, he knew he had to act lest the friendship between Mirkwood and Rivendell be irrevocably ruined. He summoned his sons as soon as Legolas left his study.

Hardly had they entered when he announced briefly, “Legolas is leaving.” At the twins’ startled expressions, he continued: “He gave me no reason and has in fact already had his people prepare to depart. But I received the distinct impression that he will not be returning.” He studied his sons. “Would you know the reason for this precipitous decision?”

He could not miss the accusing glance Elladan gave Elrohir. Of course, Elrond thought, it would have to do with Elrohir. “What have you to say about this, gwanneth?”—younger twin?—he pointedly asked.

Elrohir drew a deep breath. “I will speak to him,” he said.

“If you do not mean what you would say, then it would be best if you just hold your tongue!” Elladan blurted out angrily.

Elrohir flushed. Elrond raised an eyebrow in surprise. He had never seen Elladan so angry with his twin. And what did he mean?

“Are you the reason for his departure, Elrohir?” Elrond inquired.

“Aye.” It was the barest whisper.

Elrond frowned. “I do not wish to interfere in whatever it is that led to this rift. But you have been closing yourself off to all who care for you since Arathorn died.” Elrohir stared at his father. Elrond nodded, satisfied that his conjecture was correct. “Oh yes, I have noticed this. It is no mere coincidence that you have been cold to all who love you since that tragedy occurred. Even your family have you held from you.”

Misery surfaced on the Elf’s face. “I am sorry, Ada”—Papa—he whispered. Beside him Elladan could only look from his father to his brother in bemusement.

"'Tis not to me that you should apologize, iôn nîn”—my son—Elrond said. “I am your father, I would never turn you away. But there are others who do not understand and in their pain will turn from you.” He looked at the younger twin keenly. “Was it Arathorn’s death that affected you so or was it merely the catalyst that released your fears?”

Elladan sucked his breath in sharply as enlightenment dawned on him. “Legolas was wounded and nearly perished,” he stated. He stared at his brother. “That is what pained you. You thought he was going to die.”

Elrohir did not answer but his face had whitened. Suddenly, he turned and fled the room. When Elladan would have gone after him, Elrond held him back.

“Let him be,” he said. “He must deal with this by himself.”

*******

As Legolas slipped his leather bracers onto his arms, his eyes fell on the pile of belongings on the bed. He had not even used a quarter of what he had taken with him to Rivendell. But then again he had come expecting to stay for a longer length of time. Who would have thought his visit would be cut short so disastrously?

He sighed and looked out his window wistfully, his hands automatically continuing the task of lacing the bracers. He felt so cold and empty inside.

For as long as he could remember, he had relied on his friendship with the twins for everything that he considered good and pure. Love and loyalty, courage and strength, joy and laughter, even the occasional shoulder to cry on when grief touched his life. No longer.

He had friends in Mirkwood, of course. But it would not be the same. Elladan and Elrohir had given him something that the others could not. Because they were equals there was no need for reserve. He could simply be Legolas, an Elf of Mirkwood, unencumbered by the barrier of his rank and title. In them, he had also found the affection of brothers his own seldom gave him.

But that was over now. He would not be returning to Rivendell nor would he ever have the pleasure again of greeting them at the great stone doors of his father’s halls in Mirkwood. That had ended when Elrohir turned his back on him.

He shuddered. He was not only saddened, he also felt despoiled. All his life he had stood by those he loved, resolved to be always there for them no matter the cost. He had never swerved from that path, not even when it had required great sacrifice or pain. The love one bore family and dearly held friends was worth suffering for.

That was what hurt him most. That Elrohir should have taken that love and discarded it in so brutal a manner pained him beyond belief. He thought of what he had done to keep their friendship intact, shivered at the memories of long ago in Mirkwood when he had first offered to ease Elrohir’s unbidden need for him. Was it worth it? Or was I a fool to have brought myself so low?

Low. Aye, that was how he felt. For the first time he felt tainted. He had given too much of himself. I should never have yielded, not even that first time. Yet even as he thought this he knew it was not in him to deny his most beloved friend.

He became aware of another presence in the room. Glancing up he could not help paling when he saw Elrohir at his door. The sable-haired Elf was staring at his packed belongings. After a moment, he turned to look at Legolas with the most open expression the prince had yet seen on him since his arrival in Rivendell.

“So, ‘tis true,” he said, voice limned with apprehension. “You are leaving.”

Legolas looked at him woodenly. “There is no reason for me to stay.”

Elrohir swallowed hard and bit his lip. “You are leaving because of what I did to you.”

Legolas looked away, eyes shuttered. Elrohir saw the still-visible bruise at the corner of his mouth. Such a minor injury should have vanished by now. That it still lingered attested to the dampening of Legolas’ spirit and the attendant failure of his body’s ability to heal swiftly.

“Forgive me,” he whispered. “I should not have done that.”

Blue eyes snapped back to him, bright with pain. “Then why did you?” Legolas asked tightly. “What wrong did I do that you should hate me so?”

“I do not hate you.”

“Nay? Then what is it you feel toward me? I know it is not love, not anymore. I lost my friend in the woods. You are a stranger now.”

“Do not say that—”

“What should I say then?” Legolas cried in anger. “I abased myself for your sake. Did the unthinkable because I did not want to end our friendship! And you have rewarded my efforts with your coldness! What is it you feel, Elrohir? Contempt? Scorn? Do you see me as weak and unworthy because I allowed you to use me as you saw fit?”

Even as he spoke, Elrohir had crossed the room to him. Before he could step out of the way, the other Elf had enclosed him in a tight embrace.

“Stop, do not say these things!” Elrohir pleaded. When Legolas tried to pull away, he only tightened his hold. "'Twas never your fault,” he said urgently.

Legolas dropped his arms. He felt too drained to protest much. “Why then?” he wearily asked. “Why did you turn against me?”

Elrohir drew back and forced himself to look his friend in the eye. “I was afraid,” he whispered.

The prince stared at him. “Afraid of what?” he asked.

Elrohir gazed at him uncertainly. “You are willing to listen?”

Legolas paused then nodded. "'Tis what I have been waiting for,” he replied. “An answer.”

Elrohir released him and he sank down into a chair. The twin did the same in the chair facing him. For a moment Elrohir hesitated, unsure how to begin. At length, he sighed and looked at Legolas. “It started when you were wounded trying to save Arathorn.”

Legolas nodded. He had not forgotten his close brush with death. The arrows that had pierced him were poisoned and by the time they had gotten him back to Rivendell, he had been so ill and weak they had almost lost hope. Elrond had had to put forth all his skill and knowledge to pull him back from the brink of death.

Nonetheless, the admission puzzled him. “I have been injured in battle before,” he said. "'Tis not the first time you have seen me wounded.”

“But ‘twas the first time you almost died.”

“I do not understand.”

“There are only two in all Arda whom I cannot bear to lose. One is Elladan.” The twin hesitated here, aware of the need to tread carefully. “The other is you.” Before a stunned Legolas could think clearly enough to react, he hastened on. “Seeing you so white and still... I nearly broke. When father healed you I felt I had to stop caring. I had to stop feeling anything for anyone.”

Legolas stared at him. “Why?” he gasped.

“I felt safer not loving at all,” Elrohir softly admitted. “You know of what I speak. You vowed to close your heart as well.”

“I only closed my heart to that which lovers share,” Legolas objected. “But I never turned my back on my family or friends. I never forsook you,” he added, anger limning his words.

Elrohir blanched slightly at the prince’s pointed retort.

“You are right, you were always there for me,” he conceded. “But I could not help my fear. If not for Estel...“ He sighed. “I began to feel again because of him. For Adar”—Father—“and Arwen. For Elladan... You.”

Silence fell upon them for a spell as the prince tried to come to grips with what had been revealed.

“And what did you feel in the woods?” Legolas whispered at length. “What did you want from me?”

Elrohir flushed. “Despite what you may think of me, I did not do that out of mere lust. During our fight with the Orcs, I remembered once more what happened to you when Arathorn died. All I could think was that it might happen again.”

“But I was unhurt. What grieved you afterwards?”

Elrohir raised haunted eyes to him. “I realized I still cared. Despite all my efforts, I still felt for you. ‘Tis why I fled from you and Elladan. I wanted to be alone. I needed to shut my heart again. When you followed…”

Legolas looked away. “I had thought to help you,” he said tersely.

“I know. But you came to me at the wrong time.”

“Why?”

“Because I had closed my heart too long and being that near to you was more than I could bear yet more than I could resist. I needed to know you again, to feel the closeness we’d once shared. If I was rough ‘twas not out of hate; ‘twas out of anger at myself for caring again.”

Legolas gazed at him with pained eyes. “Why did you not tell me this when I asked? You let me believe that I had done something so wrong that you could not even bear my presence.”

“I sought to make you hate me.” Elrohir could not help flinching at the other’s shocked expression. “I thought that if I could make you lose whatever regard you had for me, then I would also find the means to stop caring for you.”

Legolas stared at him in disbelief. “If that is so, why are you here now?” he asked, his voice hard.

“Because I now know that ‘tis not possible to stop. Father saw through me. He made me face my fear, made me see my folly.”

Legolas said no more but simply stared unseeingly in front of him. Elrohir searched his countenance for any sign of softening. But there was none. Filled with dread, he stood up and approached the prince. He knelt in supplication before Legolas, wincing when the archer visibly flinched at his proximity. He swallowed his anguish and looked imploringly at his friend.

“I would beg you to forgive me but I know that what I did is unforgivable. Yet I would ask you to stay not for my sake but for Elladan’s. He is heartsick at the thought of losing your friendship. I would not have him punished for something I did.” He hesitated then went on though he felt his heart would break at the offer he had to make. “I swear I will stay away from you,” he whispered. “I will not trouble you or do anything to discomfort you while you are here. Just...do not go...please.”

Legolas did not know how to respond. It was too much to take in. He turned away feeling confused and not a little resentful.

“Please leave me,” he said, “I need to think.”

Elrohir felt his heart shatter. I have truly lost him. Without a sound, he rose and left the room.

He kept his word. Soon after he learned that Legolas had changed his mind about leaving. But on the heels of his relief came immeasurable sadness. He rejoiced for his brother, but for himself there was only despair. Still he remained true to his oath. He stayed away.

In the weeks that followed, he watched from afar, gladdened by the sight of his brother and his friend in each other’s company. If his heart ached he kept it to himself for he did not feel himself worthy of sympathy. Not even Elladan’s comfort would he accept, feeling as he did that he did not merit his own twin’s affections.

Only in Estel did he find consolation for the child’s attachment did not wane but only grew stronger.

He spent many hours with the boy oft taking care of him when Gilraen was resting. Just being in Estel’s company soothed his battered spirit and helped to ease some of his heartbreak. For this he was profoundly grateful.

He was watching Legolas and Elladan again one afternoon as they practiced their archery. As always, he remained hidden behind the clutch of tall shrubbery that edged the archery yard. He could not help gazing wistfully at Legolas, regret reverberating through his veins. It was inconceivable that anyone could lose such a treasure after having known its worth yet he had done just that. He closed his eyes against the sight of his dearest desire now forever lost to him.

Elbereth, it hurt so much!

He started when he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was his father. Elrond was gazing at him with great compassion.

“When will you forgive yourself?” he gently asked.

Elrohir swallowed hard. “How can I when he has not?” he whispered.

“Have you asked him again?”

The warrior shook his head hopelessly. “He never will for I am not worthy of it.”

“You cannot keep punishing yourself, iôn.”—son.

Elrohir said nothing. After a moment, he excused himself and walked away. Elrond sadly watched him go.

To be continued…
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Greenleaf & Imladris 14 - Crucible of Love