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Scarred Fate	By : Massanie Category: +Third Age > Slash - Male/Male Views: 2051 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
CHAPTER 6: No Regret

CHAPTER NOTES

And a second chapter for today, because the last one was so short.

SCRIPTS:

'Thoughts'; ~visions~; **mind speech**; -l-Letters-l-

Glorfindel and his party were already high in the mountains and the wind blew strong, whirling snowflakes around in a complex, fast dance and making listening and watching difficult.

The long line of his soldiers wound itself along the High Pass like a snake, riding on. Elves pressed close to the warm bodies of their mounts, their coats drawn close to shelter them from the biting cold. Glorfindel would have smiled if not for the graveness of the situation. Having crossed the Helcaraxe he knew how cruel ice and wind could become. Most of the soldiers around him were but children compared to the long life that he had experienced.

And he was leading them into a nightmarish situation with an uncertain end. His conscience heavy he turned his gaze to the path again. How many of them would not return because he needed to save his lover and family?

But Elrond was more than that. He was the lord of Imladris, the bearer of Vilya, he was ... he was needed for the future of Middle Earth.

It was not only *his* sworn duty to protect him, no it was *their* duty.

That didn't mean that leading them into death was any easier.

"Captain! A rider is approaching from the west!" One of his men called out to him.

Just as he turned around another call made him groan

"Captain, it's Arveldir!"

Cursing, Glorfindel turned his horse to pass the rows of his soldiers and encounter the contrite ellon that should have been on his way to Imladris with Elrond's troublesome chief advisor.

Immediately he knew that the tracks they had found had indeed been Erestor's; the advisor had betrayed them, or at least gone against his orders.

Finally coming to stand in front of his captain Arveldir dismounted swiftly and stepped nearer to Glorfindel so as to keep their conversation private.

"Forgive me, my lord, I failed you."

Glorfindel shook his head. "First tell me what happened."

The soldier lowered his head, not ready to see the disappointment in his captain's eyes. So many years he had fought side by side with the fabled lord of Gondolin and earned his trust; only to break it by failing to complete the simple mission of escorting a scholar through safe lands to Imladris.

"He escaped, my lord." The shame was written on the warrior's face and in his voice. "You were right: he is rather versed in phytology. He must have given us a sleeping draught. When we woke, he was gone.

We followed his tracks but when we noticed that he had taken the way through the valley heading east, we separated. Tauron followed him while I hoped to catch him when he returned to the path."

Glorfindel closed his eyes. Why would the young ellon betray them? And if he had not, what was he up to? Sighing he answered "He has reached the path last night. Tauron must be close on his heels. Only two hours separated him from the chief advisor. We found their tracks in the snow although we did not know that they belonged to them."

The captain raised his head to feel the wind blowing around his face.

Nearly everyone he truly loved and deeply cared for was out there somewhere in the cold, maybe besieged by Orcs, maybe not. Dark hair and fair grey eyes entered his mind; a description that curiously fitted to each of the peredhil and Erestor, although the advisor's hair was even darker and his skin and eyes even fairer.

'Elbereth, send us your light and whisper my plea in Manwë's ears: let them live.' He silently prayed.

Surprisingly he meant his family and the silent counsellor.

Erestor. The darkling had known that he would not return to Imladris. Lindir had been right, Erestor had said his farewells and gone to leave his friend; he had left letters to the constants in his life: Melpomaen, Lindir and Thalion. But why had he left letters for Elrond, Elrohír, Elladan, himself and most surprisingly: for Galadriel?

The chief advisor had only met his cousin once when Galadriel had come to comfort her daughter and to see her off when she finally had sailed to Aman after her ordeal with those Orcs.

While Galadriel had shown interest in the silent, young chief advisor, Erestor had tried his best to evade her. The golden haired elleth had not been able to stay long in Imladris but after this encounter requested the dark haired advisor's attendance for negotiations. But Erestor had always persuaded Elrond to let him stay in the valley.

Slowly he took forth the envelope that bore his name and Erestor's seal.

Arveldir looked at him, astonishment in his intelligent eyes. "That is …"

"Yes. Lindir gave it to me in case Erestor vanished without a trace or something else happened to him. But he explicitly emphasized disappearing. He said 'I think he will disappear, Glorfindel. And if this happens, then open the letters.'

I think this is the case now, so ..."

Glorfindel looked up for a moment, then he tore open the envelope with a quick determined movement. Carefully he pulled out two pages of fine writing paper which he unfolded and started to read.

-l-

I am no good in writing informal letters, I fear, so I will just forego the usual exchanges of niceties – especially in consideration of our rather distant relationship. This was of course my doing and not in the least your fault. I know that you wanted to befriend me, but for me it was just easier not to. Please forgive me.

By now Lindir will probably have told you about my past. If not, please resume your lecture again later. You know that I do not like to repeat myself especially not regarding something like this.

-l-

Glorfindel cursed beneath his breath. He would not find answers in this letter. Probably only Lindir's letter contained the necessary information about Erestor's motivations. But maybe he would find something about his current plans.

-l-

I can see you as if you were right there in front of me, smiling with that secretive smile and saying 'Erestor, you're not normally one to complicate things. What are you up to?'

-l-

Actually no. He was definitely not in the mood for smiling. But he wondered about the dark advisor's actions and moreover he became quite indignant and frustrated.

But this single sentence told him something important about Erestor's frame of mind when he had written this letter. Erestor was too intelligent to make such a misjudgement about Glorfindel's behaviour. He would never smile like that when one of Imladris' citizens vanished or died (the circumstances under which he would read those words). Whatever this was about, Erestor had been hopeless but somehow resigned, trying to make light of a dire situation.

Again his eyes fastened on the fine blue curves and lines.

-l-

But I am not up to something. I was, but when you read this, it will already have happened. There are some things that I have to tell you and some that I have to burden you with.

Many would think them irrelevant and the time not right for some. But I know that everything has its impact, whenever it may come to light. And furthermore the following is important to me.

First of all: Thank you for caring. I know that you protected me silently in my first years in Imladris; I heard the whispers subside whenever you were near. For this you have my eternal gratitude and it earns you the right to know what happened.

-l-

"Then tell me" Glorfindel murmured annoyed.

-l-

Secondly I know that you will blame yourself – you always take the responsibility. Therefore I feel it is important to say this: I have no regret. My song ends here, but for the first time in my life I feel no fear to die, …

-l-

Glorfindel looked up into nothingness, totally shocked. He could not comprehend what Erestor tried to tell him but it didn't matter anyway: Erestor would die. The young 'Mirkwood plague' ran knowingly into his own death.

This could not be happening – Erestor had been safe in Imladris for four centuries and the first time he let him accompany them, he would get himself killed.

The captain blinked, suddenly feeling his throat contract. He was now sure that Erestor had not betrayed them but something else had happened, and now he would lose the young darkling whom he had protected for so long.

"Lord Glorfindel? Captain?" Arveldir asked.

Glorfindel looked at the soldier, frowning in confusion. Maybe he should say something, he thought, but he knew not what. It just made no sense; no sense at all.

Once again he focused his gaze on the hated words.

-l-

… but for the first time in my life I feel no fear to die, for it is of my own decision: I could have sailed, I could have saved myself and done nothing. But I decided to use my endowment instead and if my sacrifice saved the lives of others, it will be worth it. I am at peace with my fate.

Thirdly I need you to do something for me: I am afraid of what Elrond will think of me, that he might blame Celebrían's and Dírhael's demise on me. While I myself do think that I am not blameless, I still would feel much lighter if I knew that you all forgave me; I could not bear your disdain. Would you do this for me? Tell our lord, how sorry I am, that I tried to make amends with my deeds if he will accept them?

And then there is Lindir, who will not understand. He broke with many of his old friends for the sake of our friendship and I fear that he will be alone. Please take care of him.

Yours in great respect

Erestor

-l-

Arveldir looked at the seneschal with concern. He wondered what the letter contained to upset the fabled lord like it had. "Captain, what is lord Erestor up to?"

Glorfindel smiled bitterly. "Yes, Erestor: what are you up to?"

CHAPTER END NOTES

ellon ~ male elf

peredhil ~ half elves
- 5
- 6
- 7
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Scarred Fate