Cuil Eden

@Toxic Hathor: Thank you so much for your lovely review! I know that the themes of this story are controversial and can very much understand that they aren't to everyone's tastes, but when a victim of rape and abuse is called weak, it is just something I cannot allow to stand like that.

I'm very glad to hear that you have enjoyed the story so far - here is the next chapter! :)

69

Legolas turned to look at Haldir when Glorfindel and Ellonúr were swallowed by the darkness behind them, and the guard gave him a smile that might have been meant to be reassuring, but looked far more like a hungry leer. Or maybe that was only the mead...

Legolas bit his lip, wondering what he could possible talk about with Haldir which would not end up embarrassing or humiliating him, when the wind carried the sound of two voices to them. Glorfindel and Ellonúr... Should he pretend that he had not heard them, or ask Haldir to walk a few steps with him so that he would not listen to his Lord's conversation by accident?

Hesitantly, he looked at Haldir, his dilemma apparently all too plain on his face, for Haldir laughed and shrugged his shoulders. "If Glorfindel is fool enough not to care where his voice might carry, that is his problem."

The wind blew harder, playing with strands of their hair, and for a while all they could hear was the rustle of leaves, so that Legolas began to feel uncomfortable again at the silence between them.

"...not known very much of life, but that has never been a prerequisite for marriage,” they at last heard Glorfindel point out, and Legolas felt a wave of heat fill his belly at the emotion in his Lord's voice. Marriage... how strange it still felt to hear Glorfindel talk of it!

He looked at Haldir then, who smiled but cocked his head, apparently just as interested in the conversation as Legolas - and not just for salacious reasons, because Haldir wanted to learn more about the details of their relationship, but also because he would of course have reason to be curious about what Ellonúr would have to say. Legolas could not imagine them together, but then Haldir had never treated him the way he might treat a lover, so for all Legolas knew, Haldir might be an entirely different person when with Ellonúr.

"...Your little prince has no one in this world save for you now, and if he had not made himself love you, certainly he would have died long since...whatever you believe he feels for you is not something that has grown naturally."

Heat shot into Legolas' cheeks, yet it was the heat of shame this time. He lowered his eyes, afraid to let Haldir see his pain, or worse, see him cry - but then arms wrapped around him and pulled him close against a strong chest.

"On the other hand, there are some things no one should have to hear. Come, let us go." Haldir's voice was calm, and Legolas clung to his kindness as he allowed himself to be led up a looming set of stairs that led to another small pavilion hidden away in the night. Haldir released the curtain, and then they were truly alone, encased by darkness, and safe from the treacherous winds that might bring more unwanted secrets.

When Haldir drew him into his arms, Legolas allowed himself to weep at last, but only for a moment, then he drew back and angrily wiped at his tears. “I am sorry... I do not care what he says. I know that my Lord loves me!”

“Too much drink will do that,” Haldir said calmly and drew him down to sit on the settee. His arms were still wrapped around him, and though Legolas was certain that he should not do this, he relaxed into the guard's arms at last and rested his head on his shoulder while Haldir gently stroked his hair.

“Thank you,” Legolas said softly at last, and Haldir laughed.

“I am quite drunk myself, if you have not noticed,” he pointed out and bowed his own head against Legolas'.

“So over-indulgence makes you kind? I shall remember that.” There was a smile now in Legolas' voice, and Haldir chuckled.

"Do not think that you will get to take advantage of it again any time soon," he cautioned. "And if I hear any tales spreading about my mellow heart..."

"I would not dare!" Legolas reassured him, laughter banishing the earlier tears now.

Haldir moved his fingers through his hair with a sound of appreciation, then sighed. "Do not think that Ellonúr says those things out of cruelty, or dislike of you. He does not know you, but he does know Glorfindel - or used to, in any case. After what happened to him... Just like you, he needs reassurance. In fact, I dare say that he needs it in much the same way, though Glorfindel is probably more gentle with you than he ever was with him. Still, the truth is that Ellonúr has no claim to your Lord's heart. That was how it was between them before, and they both wanted it that way."

"I can understand that he misses my Lord," Legolas admitted softly. "I cannot imagine ever being without him..."

"And you need not imagine such a thing. I know your Lord; he will keep his promise and wed you, and you will not ever need to fear being rejected by him."

Legolas swallowed, lulled into greater security by the warmth of the mead spreading through his belly, as well as the way Haldir was still stroking his hair as if he were an upset child. "If he were to send me away... Without him, I would surely die," he admitted in a thin whisper. "Is that what makes Ellonúr think that he is wrong for me? I cannot help it; I am his, and I can imagine no other way of being anymore."

Haldir sighed. "What Ellonúr said - I think he felt that it needed to be said to your Lord by someone. Of course, what he did not know was that I have asked your Lord much the same questions, and I dare say that my Lord Celeborn did likewise. Not because we do not think you worthy of him," he hastened to add when the youth stiffened in his arms, "but because such a proposal should not be done thoughtlessly. And if your Lord had not known how to deal with those questions, then certainly he should not even think about marrying you."

"I do not like to see him questioned or accused because of me," Legolas said, and Haldir sighed.

“Leave it to Glorfindel to deal with that. I mean it, Legolas. If you truly want to be his, then do not fear what others might tell him; trust in what he has promised you."

"I do trust him!" Legolas insisted. "I trust him more than anyone else."

"Then do not let what others think of your relationship trouble you. This is something that is between you and Glorfindel, and ultimately, anyone who did not protest at how you were treated a year ago has no right to protest now, when he treats you the way he should have from the beginning on."

Legolas swallowed, remembering what it had been like. "You approved too, back then..."

"Indeed, and that probably makes me a hypocrite now. Fortunately, I have never cared what others think of me. And I could see from the start what drew him to you. Your Lord and I have similar tastes... It might have been wrong, but it is truly irresistible to see such innocence and not want to bend it to your will. I could see how easy it would be, the way you reacted to him, to me too, to anyone who held authority over you and was not afraid to use it. You were afraid, yes, but ahh... that sensuality of your response to his touch... It was obvious from the beginning that you needed his mastery over you. It was wrong how it was done, yes - and still, I cannot help but enjoy the way he made you his. "

Legolas blushed again at the intensity of Haldir's gaze that seemed to strip away all the layers of his self to see the truth at the core of him, that part of him that could not help but react to his Lord's dominance with breathless devotion and submission.

"I love him! And what Ellonúr fears will never come true; I will never hate my Lord! What he did, I..." He helplessly shook his head. "I cannot forgive, I cannot... I cannot bear to think of it, not yet; but despite all of that, I love him, I need him! He is everything!"

"Your Lord knows that," Haldir murmured. "I am more than certain of that. Your devotion pleases him greatly. That is what he needs. You are both what the other needs - Ellonúr cannot change any of that. He is deeply troubled himself and feels that his friend has betrayed him, but I do not think he hates you. Maybe it is jealousy, for you gave Glorfindel what he could not. Despite your youth and inexperience, you found a way to a part of your Lord's heart that was never Ellonúr's to know. Yet I think that in time, he will see that it is for the best. He and Glorfindel - if you had known them, you would never be jealous of him. What they had was friendship, and pleasure, also affection, yes - but none of the love that is between you."

Legolas smiled. "It is strange to hear you talk so about love..."

"Because I ridiculed you for it earlier? Mmh, I apologized for that, did I not? I meant little of what I said; I did not truly know you then, and I said what I knew would hurt you. I have... little liking for your father."

"Who is not my father anymore," Legolas interjected softly.

"Indeed, though I did not care at the time. Still, if you can believe it, it was rage and anger that spoke at the time - they blinded me. I have always respected Glorfindel, just as I have always respected his playthings." Haldir's lips quirked. "Unless he did not want me to respect them. Be that as it may, when I saw your brother's guards lift a knife against you..."

Haldir fell silent for a moment and Legolas shuddered, remembering his fear, and how it had felt to think that he would die, and never see his Lord and his child again.

"I thought they would kill you," Haldir said roughly. "That was what truly opened my eyes. I imagined myself carrying your lifeless body back to your Lord, and I saw the light in his eyes die. Your death would have been his death as well; I knew that then. They say that he has a fate still to fulfill on these shores, but there was a great certainty in me that were you to be killed, he would take your son and sail, and abandon us to our doom on these hither shores."

"But you saved me," Legolas said softly, and Haldir smiled.

"Who knows if they would have truly murdered you there, where everyone could see - but they were out to harm you, that much was obvious, and I doubt that they would have ceased after cutting your hair. There was a dark rage within them, which I fear I know only too well."

Both thought of the duel, and Legolas flushed with the remembered shame at being beaten so severely in front of so many.

"But you did save me, in the end," he insisted. "Just as Rúmil saved me, then."

"My brother never hated as I did. Ah, and will he not be pleased to know that your endearing innocence even managed to turn my blackened heart?"

Legolas laughed despite himself at Haldir's melodrama. "Your heart is not blackened," he scoffed. "Maybe a little sooty - all it needs is someone to polish it."

They both laughed. "I think that is taking the metaphors too far," Haldir said and gave him a somewhat wicked smile. "Though I suppose I can ask Ellonúr if he wants to polish my... heart."

"You are not going to hurt him, are you?" Legolas blurted out, then winced, realizing that it was probably not a good idea at all to question Haldir while under the influence of too much sweet mead. "I am sorry, I know that it should not be my concern."

"But I am going to hurt him," Haldir said suggestively. "Of course I am! That is what I do, after all, and you know that well, do you not? Just as your own Lord hurts you..."

Legolas blushed with mortification and found that he knew not what to say to that because it was, after all, the truth.

"Did you not thank me for the parcel I picked out for you? Much of the contents will indeed hurt, as you will have found out by now. And in Glorfindel's hands, I am sure that they will hurt in just the right way..."

Legolas took a deep breath when he remembered the clamps Glorfindel had put onto his body, pinching his nipples until the pain mingled with the pleasure of being used by his Lord so that he almost fainted from the ecstasy of being owned so completely.

"I see you know exactly what I mean," Haldir breathed into his ear. "Do you truly fear I would harm him?"

Legolas swallowed nervously. "No, not truly... But... Celeborn seemed worried for him..."

"Hah!" Haldir exclaimed. "He is my Lord whom I have sworn to serve, but he has no rights to rule over what goes on in my bedchamber. And it is not for him to judge what I do or not do with someone who comes to me freely. But let us not talk of what my Lord thinks... What do you think? You do, after all, crave much the same as Ellonúr does, and are thus in a much better position to judge me than my Lord, if I have to be judged at all."

Legolas swallowed nervously. He wanted to protest at being compared to Ellonúr - certainly they were not similar at all? He would never beg his Lord for a whipping! But he remembered how it felt to have his Lord's magnificent, strong body hold him down, how it felt to know that even if he wanted, he could not force his Lord to stop, that he was indeed completely owned...

Maybe he wanted that. Not to be whipped, but to be owned, to be held, to be secure... And if that meant punishment for misbehavior, then yes, he would take that too, for he wanted nothing more than to please Glorfindel, who was indeed Lord of his body and soul both.

"I do not think that I am like him, not quite, but... But I admit that there might be a few similarities," he said hesitantly. "I do not truly understand what Ellonúr wants, though I think that in the end, he might crave the same security as I do, the knowledge that someone cares for you, will look after you, will even..." He faltered, then forced himself to go on. "Will even discipline you to help you. My Lord makes me feel safe... I think Ellonúr wants someone to help him feel safe again as well."

Haldir gave him an intent look, all traces of humor gone from his face. "And do you think I can give him that? Or do you think, like your Lord and mine, that I shall let my own needs overrule my mind and use my power over him to break him, instead of healing him?"

"No," Legolas breathed, remembering how Haldir had come to his rescue, how he had held him in his arms afterward, how indeed he had stolen a kiss later on... Yes, there had been that - but no more than that. Despite all of his bluster, Haldir had proven to be a good protector, and if he liked to tease and torment, Legolas thought that Ellonúr might just enjoy that, just as he himself invariably wound up finding pleasure in his own Lord's games, after all.

"No," he said more firmly, meeting Haldir's eyes. "There is kindness in you, and... and honor. I have experienced it myself. I think Ellonúr can trust you. You have no reason to hate him, like you felt hate for me at first, and although I still think that you are somewhat frightening, Ellonúr is much older and more experienced than I. They say he is a great warrior, and Lord Elrond's advisor; he would not allow you to bully him. You might not love him, but I think you care for him enough to truly want to help him."

"Frightening, hm?" Haldir chuckled, then gave Legolas a look free from all artfulness. "There is truth in what you say. He is much older and more experienced than you indeed, yet I fear that even so, there can be wounds so deep that despite all experience, we crave that which is harmful to us. Ellonúr feels great pain and betrayal, he feels helpless, for he cannot change what was done to him. I will make him helpless and vulnerable too, but he will learn to trust in me, and find the security he needs, just as you find it in your Lord's arms. I do indeed care for him, and I shall not harm him."

Legolas sighed deeply and once again leaned into Haldir's embrace, trustingly curled against his side with his head on his shoulder, feeling drowsy from the mead. "I do believe you," he said, and there was no doubt in his voice anymore.