Scenes from a Life

Timeline: September, TA 3017 (this chapter)

Author's notes: This is the chapter the *rape* warning is for. I'm not too descriptive about it, but if you'd rather not read about it at all, I suggest you skip the part between ###.
The idea of Elven emancipation comes straight from JRRTs essay "About customs among the Eldar", HoME vol. 9, "Morgoth's Ring"

*** *** ***
I am come to scale thy never-conquer'd fort: the fault is thine,
For those thine eyes betray thee unto mine.

William Shakespeare (The Rape of Lucrece)
***

Eadhild was smiling to herself while she went about with her usual chores at the inn. Making up beds, dishing out broth for the midday meal, serving ale... Even the usually exhausting task of scrubbing the floor in the main hall this morning had seemed almost easy to her. Life was good indeed! Summer was ending, but not even the brief thought of the long dark winter ahead could diminish her good spirits. What a summer it had been, she thought as she put two big jugs of ale in front of two Elves at one of the small tables, smiling even more as she fondly regarded their ears.

Lord Erestor's teaching methods were something out of the ordinary. They were completely different from what she had experienced with her tutor in Minas Tirith some years ago, and yet the pleasure shared between classes had not diminished the knowledge gained. But she was quite sure that some of the more colourful Quenya vocabulary she had learnt made her quite unique among mortal students of the ancient language. Now she only hoped that one of the Rivendell Elves would visit, so that she could again use some of the secret words that she and her tutor had whispered to each other in silent hallways or shouted in the throes of passion.

But this was not Rivendell and the only Elves present seemed to be from the bewitched wood in the south. She recognized one of them as Rúmil, a mischievous-looking blond Elf, who came here now and then, usually accompanied by someone new each time who cast bewildered glances at everything and everyone. She couldn't help getting the impression that he took them here to learn about humans, which would also explain why he seemed to be here more often than other Elves.

The other visitors this day were all humans, and most of them male. The hall wasn't too full, and it was reasonably quiet, the only drunken voices so far coming from the usual crowd of habitual drinkers in the far corner. As she moved among the tables, looking for a sign that someone was inclined to order more, she took the time to watch the men's faces.

Eadhild recognized two of them as men from her home village and thought briefly of changing places with one of the kitchen maids for the rest of the afternoon, just so that she didn't have to meet them, but soon decided against it. She had nothing to hide, after all. She had succeeded in making her own life here and that made her feel proud, even if the reasons behind it still pained her.

When one of them looked her way, she approached them with confidence and even accepted the invitation to sit down with them for a while. She only sipped her drink, of course, aware of the long work-day still ahead, but rested as well as she could while still keeping an eye on the other visitors. The men were acquaintances of her husband, and while she wasn't as happy as she pretended to be when they mentioned him and his new wife, the conversation was not without interest. She enjoyed hearing some news from the village that had been her home for most of her life. But she had another life now, another home, and it was not with regret that she told them that she had to go back to her duties.

She didn't think more about the men, preferring to keep close to the Elves and hoping that Rúmil might wish to give his companion an even closer look at human females. Her. Not that she would mind if he'd invite her to his own bed, of course, not at all. The Elves she had met so far were all different, but they seemed to have one thing in common; being attentive lovers that made sure the female got as much out of the coupling as they themselves did. And that was something that made them very different from the few human males she had known.

###

Carrying towels and clean sheets to the rooms was a task Eadhild enjoyed, and especially at this time of the year when the freshness of the breeze could be felt in the textiles as she made the beds. She was caught up in the business at hand and didn't react at the sound of footsteps in the corridor. After all, it was not unusual for some of the travelling merchants to enjoy some rest after a meal. Not until she heard the door being shut did she raise her head to see the two men she had talked with earlier standing there.

They were over her before she could protest, one holding her down on the bed, with a hand over her mouth, while the other fumbled with her skirts. She tried to kick him, but without success, and she soon felt her worst nightmares come true. Fighting was impossible and useless now and screaming would only get her further into trouble. Just enduring it would make it stop sooner, she thought in panic.

Feeling her give up resistance, the man holding her down took away his hand from her mouth and loosened the grip around her arm, seemingly relieved. The other leaned down over her, breathing heavily over her face. "You like it, don't you?" he panted. "This is nothing different from what you give the pointy-eared beasts, so why do we have to wrestle it from you? Are we not good enough for you?"

Getting no reply, he slapped her on her cheek. She winced, but did not answer, and when she saw the other man grin as the first one lifted his hand a second time, she screwed up her eyes. He didn't hit her again, but instead thrust his hand into her bodice, squeezing a breast while continuing to pound into her. "Ah yes," he groaned, "this is what you let them do to you, wench, but try to keep from those of your own kind."

They were wrong, she thought, mentally struggling to keep her thoughts off of what was happening to her body. This was nothing like what any Elf had done with her. Not even the first one, that arrogant one who had dragged her into his room and taken her roughly had done anything she hadn't wanted. And he had been very careful not to harm her in any way, despite his violent behaviour. He had made sure she wanted to be taken.

This was hell. This was pain. This was humiliation. The physical pain was not too great but her heart shattered with each thrust. Hate. Loathing. If they only would stop! If it would be over! If she would pass out or even die just to make them stop...! But the One wasn't in his merciful mood this day and she didn't lose consciousness. And the men didn't stop.

###

When they finally left, one with a broad grin and the other looking ashamed, Eadhild didn't know how long it had lasted. Ten minutes? An hour? It didn't matter. She was violated, humiliated, broken. And she cried. She had been strong when she had to leave her village, strong when she came here and applied for the job, strong when dealing with all the situations that had occurred so far. She had always been able to take care of herself.

And now she realized that all had been an illusion. Just a short moment and all was broken. All was lost. This had all been wrong from the start and she should never have left. How could she have thought that she could manage on her own? That she was worth anything? That there was happiness in life? Than someone would ever want her for who she was? That someone had ever loved her? No, they had all used her in their own way. Men! Elves! Why did this have to happen? And why must it hurt so badly?

Thilia, a stout woman and Eadhild's closest friend among the maidservants, was the one who found her an hour later, when she hadn't showed up at the time dinner was usually served at the inn and everyone was needed in the hall. She didn't have to ask what had happened to her friend. It was all too obvious from Eadhild´s stricken face and torn blouse. Thilia said nothing, just sat down beside her and held her, stroking her hair.

"Eadhild?", Thilia asked. "I have to go downstairs to help with dinner, but I would like to take you to my room first. Can you walk there with me now?" Eadhild swallowed and nodded. She would go anywhere just to get out of this room!

If she had looked up when they crossed the hall, Eadhild would have seen the shocked faces of the Elves present. The reactions of her own race where mixed; some watched with pity in their eyes, others looked away, some whispering among themselves. One of the Elves couldn't just watch the two women but stepped forward with a question on his lips. "Go away, Rúmil", Thilia said. "She doesn't want to see any males now, no matter what kind."

Rúmil didn't want to go away, but decided to bide his time. He suspected what had happened, though it was a thing unheard of among Elves. He didn't understand Men. Brutal bastards! How was it possible to get any pleasure out of forcing a woman? He was angry and also felt some guilt. An atrocity like this was not to happen where one of the Galadhrim was near. Nobody should treat a female thus and it could not be allowed. This was an insult to his warrior's honour and to his honour as a male. The offenders must be pursued and dealt with. And though he didn't want to waste a second he realized he needed first to talk to the woman. No matter what lead the Men had, he would track them down. There was no question of his skills.

The effective Thilia lead Eadhild to her room, washed her, put her to bed and sat at the bedside, stroking the younger woman's hair and pondering the situation. It was not a matter often spoken of, for obvious reasons, but Eadhild's experience was not unique. The risk of assault was always present in their trade, Thilia thought, and she had considered Eadhild wise to choose to only consort with Elven males. But, alas, that had not saved her, and perhaps it was even this preference for the fair folk that had triggered the men's anger. Fair the Elves were, indeed, but this was a reminder that it was best to stay away from them. With a sigh she rose and went back to the main hall that was now bustling with life.

***

Not until three days later did Rúmil get his chance to speak with Eadhild, and no matter how hard he tried she would not tell him what she knew about these men. She said she didn't want him to be charged with murder and wouldn't even listen to his reluctantly given offer to bring the men back alive to let their fate be decided by the Town Master.

"It is no use, Rúmil", she repeated dejectedly. "The Town Council would just say that I brought this upon myself because I was dressed alluringly, or because I had some ale with the men, or they would declare that my word was not to be trusted because I have been known to enjoy the company of males before. I am a mortal woman, Rúmil. Men don't see things the way I have heard that Elves do. Our females do not enjoy the same rights as males in the eyes of the law."

With growing astonishment, the Elf listened to the woman's tale, struggling with himself not to cry out his irritation with the foolish ways of Men.

"We are ever at the mercy of males," she continued, "and what we can do or not is decided by others, first by our fathers, then by our husbands. We are burdened by childbirth and endless work in our homes, and enjoy no more personal freedom than what our guardians allow us. Even the highborn ladies of my people are not allowed to choose their destiny; they are given to some lord in exchange for allegiance or a piece of land, as their family deems fit."

It was unusual for Eadhild to speak this freely, but it eased her pain to pour her heart out to the Elf, to clothe her frustration into words. And telling this relative stranger about the reality of her life helped silencing the little voice of guilt inside her head that whispered that the fault was hers, that this was payment for enjoying life too much and for allowing Lord Erestor to liken her to a goddess. The Valar of the Elves were not known to concern themselves with humans, but what if she had still attracted their wrath? This was not something she could talk with Rúmil about.

"I know about your culture," she started again, before he could ask her about her silence, "I have heard that your females, though they usually choose to dedicate themselves to tasks like baking and healing are free to pursue whatever way of life their heart is inclined to." Rúmil nodded enthusiastically and even brightened up for a second. "I have been told that there are even warriors among them in times of need." Another nod from Rúmil, fiercer now.

"But that is not the way of Men," Eadhild concluded with a sigh, earning a pitiful glance from the Elf. He looked like he wanted to pat her hand, but she was grateful that he didn't touch her. The only thing she wanted from him was that he would listen, and he did, now and then interrupting her flow of words with a question.

"You are neither a child, nor do you have a husband," he said when she talked about the woman's lot to always be under somebody's authority. "Surely you are more free than before you came here."

"I wish that was true," came the swift reply. "Even unmarried women such as I am now are judged by what others see as proper. And sometimes it is other women who are the most severe judges. I would be considered tainted by my life here. Those men were not unique in their thinking that I was free to be taken advantage of since I did not follow the rules of their society. Indeed, many would think that it served me right, that it was the punishment of the One for my corrupt ways."

"Thinking thus would be heresy," the Elf replied quietly. "The fate of Men may be hidden to us, but the nature of the will of the Valar is not. They do not rejoice in the suffering of their Children. This you must believe."

Eadhild nodded slowly, not showing how deeply the Elf's words had touched her when he unknowingly replied to the unspoken question in her heart. She was not entirely prepared to believe him, but his words gave her hope. However, his hope for justice in this world was futile, and she tried to tell him so, for the last time that day.

"It is true that I have a measure of freedom now," she said in a tired voice. "I have a small salary here at the inn and in a way I am free to do what I want. Yet I am limited by tradition. I would not be believed before the council. I am a woman."

Having said that, she rose abruptly from her chair and was gone in an instant, leaving Rúmil to himself.

That you are, he thought. You are a woman and a precious being not deserving to suffer like you do now.

He was convinced that she would eventually soften and let him go after the marauders, and though he would kill them swiftly without causing more pain than necessary, it would be a true pleasure to end their lives.