Allassa and Haldir | By : Silvana Category: -Fourth Age to Modern times and beyond > Het - Male/Female Views: 5854 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or places of Lord of the Rings/Tolkien. No money is being made. This is for personal enjoyment only. |
Haldir
I got up very early waking up Glorfindel so he can leave house and go to his home. I went on other path to train more and to practice with Curuphin as I promised to Rumil we crossed our swords in my yard he was stronger now young ellon his braid almost between his blades he was the very image of his father. Rumil was same in his age full of life ready for challenge and battle. We took brake as Allassa came down from house...I should take Curuphin in real action so he could feel how real battle looks like...
Allassa comes to table in shade of tree and sit on chair, hissing and taking her head in hands.
"Please tell me Curuphin just really smashed you across head so I can tell myself this is not reminder or last night..." She concentrate on healing her pain, but she can't.
Haldir stand by table letting boy to rest.
"No he didn't we just started."
"I thought so." She lie on table on arms. "I can't concentrate to heal."
"Shall I call Neume to help you?"
"Do that please." She groan closing eyes.
Haldir turn away from her and go to Curuphin saying something to him boy just nod and run as he come back to her. "She will be here in a moment."
"I will go in room then."
Allassa stands up walking back to house into her old room waiting for Neume when she comes she looks at her and heal her head and told her to sleep a little then walk to find Haldir.
"We need to talk." Neume said.
"Everything you have to say say it now sit" Haldir show her chair.
"Thank you. First thing... she is still not pregnant. Second Well she is... I looked at her and she drink too much Haldir I saw with magic in her body that she probably all days she were away and yesterday didn't do anything only drink." Neume said.
"Wait I don't understand you now anything? Is she pregnant or not? I can't stop her from drinking she wont listen." Haldir said.
"She don't carry child and she is too stressed and so she drink. I don't know what problem you two have... but you should solve it. Better before she got pregnant." Neume said.
"Solve it? Like that will happen she came stressed from Gondor and every single thing I do she dislike and pick fight. I will talk with her but it looks like that only if I lose my free will and obey her as masters of this realm that only then she will be happy."
"Haldir... she is insecure I see it, her eyes are still looking around like she expect someone to attack or to hurt her. I don't know what you did, if you did something... but she is literally suffering. Did you see her? Like really looked at her? She lost weight again, she has bags under eyes and she looks like.. hundreds of years older this morning than she is. I spoke with her and told her that alcohol wont solve anything and she asked me then what should she do to deaden herself. And I found this.." Neume stand vial before him.
"Poppy milk. Only thing that helps her sleep but I know she was addicted to it and it looks like she is addicted again. And she isn't listening today, like she lost will to live to be here.. She wasn't like this when I saw her last time before she left to Gondor."
"So you wanna say its my fault? I can't be on every place at once taking care of my duties of Glorfindel of everything she hide things from me and this isn't her first time and that drug wont help her she have to talk with me but she don't want. I can't make her. No one ever attacked her and no I could not look at her since she wont sleep with me in one moment happy in other sad I am not sure in anything anymore."
"No, you get me wrong.. I am not saying it is your fault, Valar protect me. Well I don't know how to help, I took all vials from her, she even given it to me and I will make her natural tea for sleeping. Just be careful around her and watch her. We both were there when Galadriel told us she can go sick in mind and end like her father, Haldir. She can collapse if she continue like this. I will come to check on her frequently, but I can't heal her mind, only body." Neume said.
"Just go I will take care of her"
Haldir got up and went into house going in her room looking at her on bed.
Allassa opens her eyes blinking few times with them.
"Haldir?"
He sit on edge of bed.
"Yes? What shall I do with you?"
"I would tell you to kill me, but that is not solving if you die too..." She curl on side facing him. "I was bad at night, wasn't I?"
"To kill you? You think I can do that after all?" He shake his head. "You remember when you told me that you need your freedom? And I left it to you I did what no one would and still you're unhappy drinking losing weight even drugging? Why?"
"Oh I see you spoke to Neume.. or she spoke to you." She groan turning on her back with hand over her eyes. "Nothing is working as it should Haldir. Even when I am healed, I can't get pregnant, I have to deal with humans away from you. And when I come back I find our old lover in our house taking over my place, what would you do in my shoes, Haldir? I just exploded like you saw yesterday. I have nothing against you and him to be together.. but it looks like you changed me for him."
"No I didn't I just helped him with his sick leg and he cooked he can't replace you and just let me ask you one thing? Did I ever pushed you to be pregnant did I told you ever that I hate you because of that? Stress wont help you I will remove all drinks from house and you will start to eat normal."
"No you never did that." She whisper. "But I did,. I really wanted child and I am stressing about that.... now? I am not so sure. I just need to get myself together, last year was crazy and I just.. I just cant take it Haldir."
"I told you before and I told you now child will come when it want and stress will only kill you. I tried everything to make you happy but it looks like that nothing work for long."
"I am just too complicate for this, you see why I never wanted be wife of anyone? I just after some time destroy every happiness I have." She sigh.
"Because of your crazy head and ideas.Now don't move I will bring you food and tea for day Neume let me know what I have to do with you."
"I can't be in bed all day and you promised Curphin you will train with him.. so I will eat here and then go out to lie and rest under apple tree so you can have me on your eyes and be with our nephew."
"Eat first here and drink tea he will probably eat too now I will call him after that" He got up from bed going to kitchen.
Allassa turn on other side with her back facing doors and close eyes.
Haldir put water for tea to get warm as he cut cheese bread and tomatoes with only one peace of meat,while he was waiting for water to get ready he spill out all wine and mead he had in house. He pour water in cup with herbs getting all to her.
"Sit on bed to eat."
Allassa does as he say taking cup as first thing.
"Tea?" She looks at him but don't comment it, she start slowly eating ending in half of plate. "I cant eat more."
"Yes you have eat all" He look at her serious. "This is small portion even rabbit eats more."
"But I am full, I can't eat more Haldir." She looks up at him.
Haldir:"Please your body is weak eat she told me how to feed you."
Allassa sigh taking few another pieces to her mouth chewing them for long and get them inside of her.
"I .. I can't, I will vomit if I have to eat more." She shakes her head.
Haldir sigh deeply taking all away.
Allassa takes only cup with tea drinking quarter of it and sit there with it in her lap looking down.
Haldir came back to her sitting behind leaning her against his chest.
"I am sorry... you deserve better than this now..." She turn in his hold so she lay her cheek on his breast and take hold of his tunic in hand. "I just... I am lost Haldir. I don't know whats right anymore."
"Right? Right is to stop torturing yourself I just don't understand what happened to you in Gondor to make all this? I felt that you are little off but I thought that this is from journey."
"Nothing happened there, I swear... I just missed you after few days." She nudge her nose into his chest breathing in his smell.
"Did they were bad to you? I missed you too you think that I was happy or that I am happy when they send you away?"
"Humans? Bad no, tiring yes. Boromir did big mistake to let it fall down like this and Daromir don't really know how important it is to have active army even in times of peace. But it is now on good way, we get him some start after last war and now he does better. And Bash will help him with Rohan riders, we with archers... just don't send any woman in there or it all will collapse again."
"Then just let them. Celeborn didn't ordered you to have brake down because of them. And I am who I am. I can't change. I can only lose my free will to you and obey as Lords of these lands."
"Hmm that idea didn't get me, then I will be your master." She looks up at him. "I think I will get bored after some time if you do that."
"As my lady order"
"And it can be weird between others if you behave like this. Man are supposed to lead woman not other side around. But you know I once lost my will to you and it ended not good." She lean from him taking cup with tea and drink rest of it. "We lost enough time here, I want to go for air out and you can train our nephew."
"Then what you want from me?" He got up from bed. "And what others this realm is almost empty?"
"I want you, it is simple." She looks up at him holding cup in her lap. "And child would be nice bonus."
"Well you're showing it on weird way what you want. You have brake down what will happen if I brake too? I can't look all of you destroying yourselves."
"And here you go again lecturing me." She roll her eyes standing. "I don't have any brake down I don't know where you were on this one. That I have problem with sleeping and use poppy milk make me drugged again? And that I don't eat whole cow for dinner makes me what? I just don't understand why you and Neume do alarm about this all. Like I am some weak and lost who need constant look out and help."
"Well you look like one did you look yourself in mirror?You know what do as you want I don't care. I am going to call Curuphin" He left her blowing in horn taking stand in yard with hand on his hilt of sword.
Allassa walks out of her room with brief look over her shoulder to mirror standing at end of room going to kitchen and wash cup, looking at empty bottles of wine and mead.
"Hiding would be better than this wasting good drink away, he really don't think." She goes to pantry taking food for dog and walk in yard not looking at Haldir only smiling at Curuphin as he goes down from tree near her and get to dog house.
Haldir start to practice with him lightly crossing swords teaching him how to move how to move his legs. How to predict his enemy attack.
Allassa let dog feed and walk back to house and take from their room unfinished tunic she was working on while healing and get back, going to apple tree to continue sewing and decorating it while watching them.
"Good that is good Curuphin now try to corner me attack me." Boy did as he asked pushing forward dancing with Haldir's sword but he could not win Haldir at the end was stronger and he disarmed Curuphin who had only dagger left. Haldir put sword on Curuphin's neck Curuphin had his dagger on Haldir's balls.
"Watch out uncle or enemy will had trophy" They both laughed.
Allassa smile watching them and get basket with threads and other things to other side of her as dog come and lay down by her side with head on her thigh closing eyes.
"You sleepy my love? Just don't drool out too much." She caress his ears and continue sewing.
"Now go far from me and shoot me with arrows."
"I am better with arrows now are you sure?" Curuphin asked.
"Yes I am do it like you did before I will defend myself with sword" And he started to fire as Haldir avoided or cut arrows on half with sword.
"Show off..." Allassa mumble as she looks at them. ".. did this with me too many times and I just cant shoot him." She pet dog head and take another thread from basket looking at tunic to see what color will be best.
"No one has succeeded in this to hit you why you think that I will?" Curuphin asked.
"Why you don't believe in yourself?"
"I am fast but no if I even hit you I will hurt aunt too"Curuphin said.
"Aunt can heal, I assure you and Haldir too. And it will take many years till you can even get arrow near him, he has many centuries of experiences and you are not even one hundred years old Curuphin." She calls to him.
"But you are better than I even was in your age."
"It is stupid that connection between you two if one is hurt other is too" Curuphin said.
"I never thought it is stupid.. sometimes unpractical, but stupid not. There are many good things about that, without it Haldir can't heal, because healing comes from channeling of me, we can communicate together through it if we are not too away from each other, so its useful in battles and strategy. And we don't need to speak about our feelings, because we just feel them. But still its better to hear it." She smile at him.
"Yes but bad things are greater if he die you die his pain when shift you can feel his mental pain too. I admire you on this I could never live like that"Curuphin said.
"We just learned how to get with it. And even now it is sometime problems to get with each other. We have been together for how long.. sixty years? And imagine how many years are before us. There is always way to solve things. And about that pain thing.. I am resistant to most of it, because of my imprisonment and torturing in Mordor, so if pain isn't too great I don't mind it, I can be only concerned about what happened."
"I am sorry I didn't mean to insult you both or something,shall we continue Haldir? I will go take wooden stick this long. Will you attack me as wolf so I can learn how to fight against wargs?" Curuphin asked.
Allassa continue to work on tunic, now its sewed complete and she will make decorative ornaments on it.
"Just be careful with that both of you."
"We shall don't worry" Curuphin said.
"I will got to shift and I will attack you suddenly so be on your guard" Haldir run away from their look.
"Why he hides you are his wife and I am used to see naked ellyn(males) in barracks when we take shower?" Curuphin asked.
"I don't like others to see me shift too I even had problem shift before him when he wasn't shifter...." She look at him. "It is not really nice look when your bones and flesh are reorganizing."
Haldir watch them trough bush with his wolf eyes growling silently behind Allassa's back.
'I feel you my love. I wont speak about this with him anymore. I am sorry.' She takes green thread and get it on needle starting making ornaments.
"Curuphin you see it is not about being naked.. but other thing."
'I will attack him suddenly don't tell him'
"Yes I understand you now" Curuphin said unaware that wolf is near.
Wolf run from bush and jump on elven boy taking his stick between his jaw.
"Play nice boys. I am going to make you sandwiches." She let them fight and walk with dog inside making food for them.
Curuphin push him away truing to go in direct attack but wolf just avoid him until he got tired then he attacked again and Curuphin was on ground.
Allassa walks back with tray full of food.
"Haldir easy don't crush his rib cage.." She walks around them to table getting tray there. "When you ready you can eat I will look on other side of yard to look at stables I think of getting goat again."
Haldir let him go leading him to to table and run in front of her. 'Eat first all else latter'
'I ate before I am not hungry now.'
"Curuphin here take whatever you want and here water with mint leaves." Allassa said loudly.
'Eat little it wont kill you ' He look at her not moving.
'Fine I will eat this sliced apple and piece of bread. Happy now?' She sit opposite of Curuphin and take bread.
Wolfsit near table growling.
She roll her eyes and eat slowly.
"Curuphin hows your mother doing? I didn't see her from when I returned, she has hands full with your little sister I presume."
"And with my father too there is not enough ellyn(males) here we can't protect realm this way he don't sleep enough don't eat " Curuphin sigh playing with food in his plate.
"Well you will not help him if you wont be eating and training properly my dear nephew. So eat and then rest, I think you had enough for today." She smile at him and take bite of apple slice. "When I will have more free time I will visit your mother to make her company and I will make pie for you all. Don't worry, everything will be alright."
'You worry about your eating and sleeping you're skin and bone' Wolf lay his head on her thigh.
´I cant help it when I don't have appetite, Haldir. I need to eat in really small portions, if I eat more I am sick with it.´ She pet his head. ´You are so beautiful my love. When our nephew will leave I shift too and let our wolfs play a little.´
He close eyes and growl silently enjoying in her touch.
'I will stay in wolf form maybe you will sleep better near animal'
´You think it will work? You can't shift everyday like that Haldir and you will have night shifts again. She scratches him behind ears.
'I feel how you respond to wolf you like him more then elf' He look at boy as he got up and bid them good day going home.
"Be careful on your way home and say hello from us." She watch him leave then look at Haldir. "Are you trying to say that I like your wolf more than yourself, did I get it right? " She stands up untying belt on her dress.
'Yes he calm you down I can feel that. Let your wolf out we can go hunt'
"Yes animals always calmed me down better than other beings. Probably because they don't speak."
Allassa smirk at him and get her dress over head tossing to chair and get from panties kneeling down and shift, in few moments there is skinny silver she wolf shaking her fur looking at him wiggling her tail.
He looked at her letting her come to him wiggling tail happily
'You hear me still?'
´Wolf is trying to get over, but I am here for now´ She licks his muzzle. ´I don't remember if we kissed even today. Probably didn't. So now you got one wet lick kiss.´
'Let her take over I will let him too and watch from inside maybe they will get along better then we'
'I believe they will even when she does not like your wolf as I don't you, she likes elf better. Maybe I find compromise on this.´ She nudge her head on his rubbing and let wolf instincts come over, she sniff his neck huffing into it and lie her paw on his back. ´Mine mate.´
He lick her ear and lead her into forest sniffing path to find prey.
'Come with me'
'Hunt.' She trot after him sniffing in air too. 'Small rabbit on right. Find bigger.'
'Too small deer is better must feed you' He trot on left away from river.
She huff in agreement trailing behind him.
He follow trail looking at group of deer. 'Too big we need that one small'
'Distract herd and get small from them you take down it.'
'Scare them I will take small one down' They run together as she scare them he run for young one biting it on back legs to bring it down as it fall he bite his neck out.
She run into herd barking and avoiding one buck kicking her she then stop and turn walking back.
He turn at her. 'eat its warm and fresh'
She goes to him licking his muzzle and nose from blood. 'You alpha you first.'
He rip skin and open chest of the deer taking part of heart.
'Eat'
'Thank you.' She goes next to him and get her nose inside of belly and start ripping meat and eating.
He continue to eat looking around with ears up guarding them.
She eat and then back away sitting down and licking her nose and muzzle.
He pull few more pieces and stop. 'Thirsty follow me to river'
She stand up going after him and lean down to water to drink a little waiting for him.
He drink for long then got out of river shaking fur.
'Back we are going home'
She goes to him licking droplets of water from his nose and muzzle. ´Good mate.´ She turn and walk in direction of their house.
He walk slowly behind her as he walk he lick her ear few times.
She rub her head on his nearly falling down as she lean to one side.
He stand still looking at her he sniff her neck shaking head he continue to lead her up in house.
She whimper and when they come to yard she jump at him from behind holding him around neck with paws and bite into his ear.
He lay down not fighting back.
She nudge him with her nose licking his face few ties biting his fur on cheek or neck, wiggling tail happily.
´Play.´
He look up to her.
'Why?'
´Don't want play?´ She stops taking few steps back from hi and title her head to side with ears peered up.
He got up looking at her.
'Came then attack' He wiggle tail
´Attack? No attack, play.´ She jump to him taking around his neck biting between his ear.
He hug her with paws falling down again with her.
She makes soft playful sounds biting into his fur here and there, then turn and take his tail in muzzle pulling on it.
He turn around to grab her.
'Bad mate let go'
She jump from him barking at him and run around him in circles barking and occasionally quick bite into his legs or tail.
He ignore her and wait till she get tired from running around.
She bark at him and stop before him breathing quick her tongue out she bark on his face and lie down with head on paws.
´mate no fun.´
´You play weird.´
She huff turning to side and just lie there breathing quickly.
'As you act weird' He shake fur finding their dog he lick his muzzle and lay down between dog and her.
´Me not. She-elf is.´ She lie her head on his neck huffing. ´Sick she is.´
He came closer to her. 'She make you unhappy as he me' He lick her muzzle.
´They too complicated. Why just not jump each other and that golden elf, that make all happy and it will end suffering. Not understand this.´ She yawn.
He huff. 'Can we stay like this who know when they let us out again'
'She is not active, she needs rest, too thinking and stressing.´ She rub her head on his.
'Why she just don't eat and sleep normal she torture you I fed you' He got up and curl around her.
'Don't know why. Eat she cant much and sleep. Nightmares. She is afraid she lose her mate.´ She feel happy and satisfied with him near around her.
He is in pain all the time don't know why his heart torn on two' He turn his back at her so she can rest on his back. 'When you hungry shift forcefully like me and i feed you'
´You say to take over and shift when she don't want? She wont be happy last time she didn't let me out long.´ She lick his fur laying her head on his back. ´Don't want mate us.´
'Yes I make him shift when he hold me back too long just push hard when you're hungry and I will follow he push now to take over mind'
´We should let them back. But need to wake her. I miss mate.´ She rub her cheek on him. ´I will make her shift when I hungry. It be easy she is wakedin mind.´
He lick her muzzle,and let elf to shift back pulling back.
She stay on ground looking with wolf eyes. ´Want mate?´ She sniff and lick his hand.
He turn at her breathing hard turning on his back.
"Wait I will bring you your cloth." He got up slowly and bring all to her. "Yes now come back shift."
´Bye mate.´ She goes into unconsciousness letting Allassa take over she shift and stay on fours then fall down. Allassa:"Ouch."
He took hold of her.
"How you feel?"
"I will be fine in moment. She got me violently to take over, I thought she will want to be longer with her mate." She sit down leaning in him. "You are naked?"
"My cloth is somewhere in that bush I will take it don't worry I don't know how long they were together but he shut me out I came back by force and he is angry inside I don't know why?" He lift her up in his arms to carry her in house. "How is your wolf feeling?"
She close eyes.
"Calm. Like she wants to sleep, she eaten and was with her mate, she is satisfied." She take his hand. "Don't go.. lie with me. Like this."
"She is not upset or something?" He look her in eyes. "I will stay with you where do you think that I will go?"
"Outside for clothes?" She shakes her head. "No, she is calm, alright. Not nervous not feeling aggressive, nothing. Its.. weird. They did not mate each other, I am clean down, she is like this after they.. you know."
"I will find it in morning its not important" He place her on their bed and sniff her neck then look himself down there. "I am clean too and I remember nothing what he did with her." He lay down with his head on her. "He is still angry and I feel alone and cold."
"Then I will do my best to warm you and make you company." She takes blanket getting it over them and turn herself so she is half on him with leg over his legs and torso on his. "You feel better?"
He hug her tight on him.
"Yes."
He close eyes rubbing his cheek on her chin.
She caress his shoulder down to hand and up on his torso.
"Warm enough or should I try better?" She whisper to his ear lightly biting and suck on it.
He kiss corner of her lips.
"I just need you I was afraid that I will never see you again."
"And here you have me, still in your bed.." She look at him grazing his lips with hers. "... warming your skin, making your heart beat faster...."
"Well its easy to say it now. You said she ate you wanna say that we ate raw meat?"
"Oh you know how to destroy mood, I didn't want to think about that..." She groan letting him be and lie next to him on back. "Yes we ate raw meat, or you think she just found vegetables in garden?"
He turn to her again hugging her.
"Then better that I don't remember" He kiss her neck gently wrapping hand around her waist. "You know this is first time that she is satisfied after meeting with my wolf."
"And your is angry, looks like their roles just swapped. They maybe plan something.. or she just made him angry as I am doing that to you?" She turn head to him kissing his nose.
"You don't make me angry you made us both suffer you torture yourself we need to calm down I just don't know how."
"Me too, I don't know why I am doing all of this. I cant good sleep because I have nightmares again." She sigh.
"Then when ever you have bad dream wake me up and we can deal with them together Neume gave me two kind of teas for day and for night when you cant sleep, now how you feel can you sleep?"
"I am fine. I always am fine going in bed... but then it took over when I sleep and I was away from you, from our home and I felt insecure in Gondor... and they just started again." She cuddle to him caressing his skin.
"Then awake me when you feel like that but since we are in same bed I will feel you" He kiss her gently on lips. "We should try get some rest if you want wolf again tell me I will let him out."
"Yes, I will if I awake myself." She return his kiss lightly and lean her head on his chest. "Good night my love."
"Good night" He lift himself up and make her fully to lay on him and they both fall asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Allassa
Celeborn sent us away from Lorien again, we have to explore around our home to see if there is everything all right. We found nothing on three days ride from Lorien, no traces of orcs or any enemy, so it looks like we will have peaceful times again. That means we can help others with our experiences, like I did in Gondor, now is Rohans going to visit us in some time to see how elves (that little of them stayed here) live in Lorien.
Spring is in full bloom and storm is going on outside as we found cave to stay dry in, Haldir made fire to keep us warm and I was tracking all day before so I fallen asleep immediately when I leaned towards him and use his shoulder as pillow. I had problems with sleeping lately so its better when he keep constant check upon me.
Haldir hold her long on him letting her rest watching how she breath peaceful.
She move a little in his hold making soft sound as she starts to wake up.
He looked down to her letting her turn as she wake up.
"Hmm?" She open eyes and lift her arms above head stretching. "You up?"
"Yes I could not sleep. Not long like you beside you need it more."
"Did you sleep at all?" She looks up towards entrance. "Looks like night just fallen, you should go to sleep." She turn back at him lightly touching his lips with hers.
"I am fine don't worry" He kiss her lips lightly. "I will go to start fire again."
"It is cold here yes...and I see it is still storming outside and raining." She sit up taking bag near her going for sack with water. "We have enough water and food for two days now, so we don't have to continue in this rain."
"Yes we don't need to rush" He turn his back to her and clean fire place for new fire.
"It is good that Celeborn send us both on this task, even when I had to plea to change you for Glorfindel. I don't even know with which of your brothers he get instead? On other region side of Lorien I mean." She takes lembas from bag taking half of it and half for him when he stop with fire and bite into it.
"He would take care of you same as I do as much as you hate to say it he love you on his own way" He turn at her taking lembas and letting fire to grow stronger.
"He would take care especially when we had to sleep I can imagine that. And he can't love me, I am your woman not his and he know it."
"Still that can't stop him for loving you. And yes you're mine as I am yours." He sit down taking meat out to roast two pieces. "At lest he would. I didn't for the last five nights."
"Oh you think I will let him while I didn't let you? Please don't be naive..." She roll her eyes.
"I didn't even asked" He put meat onto fire sitting by it to watch over meat as fire grow strong.
"And you were for four night away on shift and come in morning while I was waking up and getting ready for my job. So we even didn't have time for anything." She points to him leaning her back on cave wall looking out through entrance. "I don't remember last time when spring was so rainy."
"I will go out to use rain as bath I am dirty and I itch everywhere will you watch meat?" He look at her.
"Yes I will.. you are right its heavy, I will go after you come back." She nod at him taking his seat by fire.
Haldir took his boots and bet with sword taking tunic off together with light shirt under letting cloth near his backpack he untie pants rolling them down with underwear going outside.
Allassa carefully turn meat to other side looking out, but she didn't saw him because night fallen fully and she sit near fire.
Haldir got on one spot in front of cave lifting head up to catch rain on face enjoying while rain caress his body making him shiver from first contact on his skin. He washed his chest and shoulder letting rain to wash his back he stayed bit longer till his hair was all wet then he went back into cave.
She watch his returning form.
"I can't wait now when I go outside too, I feel your enjoyment."
"Its a bit cold but when you get used its so good even pleasurable I would dare to say" Haldir pull fur closer to fire and lay on it. "You can go I will watch meat."
"Fine.." She stands up and take down her cloak and belt, getting boots down and pants, get tunic over her head and under shirt tossing at him. "Watch over this too I use it as towel." She get panties down and run outside squealing when rain fall on her heated skin from fire. "Its cold!"
Haldir stretched his body feeling better from rain.
"You will get used on it!" He took meat off from fire and hers put on bread his he started eating directly from wooden stick taking brad and cheese with it.
Allassa shiver under heavy rain and scrub and scratch her skin on arms belly and legs letting rain wash away all dirt she then run back into cave with arms covering herself.
Haldir look at her briefly and continue to eat.
"Sit and eat while meat is warm"
"I need to get warm first and to get all this water away from me." She goes to him taking shirt from fur and dry herself on it. "It is nice to feel clean but it was not as pleasurable as you felt."
Haldi shrug shoulders.
"I was dirty I needed to clean myself" He finish eating and toss stick to fire laying down fully.
Allassa watch him drying her hair and then get wet shirt near fire on bag to get it dry, taking tunic and getting it on her together with panties.
"Can you move or should I get myself another fur from bag?" She look at him.
Haldir move on edge of fur letting her spot next to fire.
"Thank you." She sit down taking bread with meat looking at it then at him and back at it. "Haldir..." She nearly beep quietly.
"Mhmm...what?" He look at her back.
"You know... I..." She look nervous from food to him and back. "... I am not hungry somehow."
"What?" He almost jump from his spot. "Have you lost your mind even when you hide your body from me and avoid my touch I can see that you look awful skinny do you want to die?"
"But I am not hungry and you must feel it when you channel me. I ate before we get to sleep that two apples... I am just not hungry, I eat little because if I eat more I am sick from stomach." She move away from him nearly crying.
"I don't know what to do with you anymore I just don't,when I channel you I can feel how weak your body is and mind too I just don't know how long it will work like this."
"I will eat it... just don't shout at me..." She stand up walking to bags to take her own fur and sit on opposite from him, slowly eating meat and bread by little pieces.
"I don't shout I am telling you truth" He got up taking tunic and pants dressing himself. "Sleep if you can after in dawn we should move on"
"But I slept till now..." She looks at him chewing. "I am not sleepy."
"I didn't say you have to sleep this minute did I?" He stay bu entrance of cave looking out.
"I will stay silent, it will be probably better." She get half of her food next to her and take her pants getting them on and reach for her cloak to use it as blanket and lie down with back to him and front to cave wall curling in ball.
"Do what you want I wont say anything anymore these last days I feel like I am your enemy not mate."
Allassa close eyes and let few tears fall from them hugging herself under cloak making minimum sounds, but she knows even if he don't hear her, he will feel.
Haldir stay silent just lay after her back and hug her even when he is not sure if she want that.
Allassa immediately turn to him hiding her face in his tunic sobbing.
"I am not doing this on purpose, I just cant eat and sleep normally, I am not taking you as enemy but I have feeling like I am burden to you."
He hug her on him kissing her forehead.
"I don't know how to help you I feel like I am losing you like you are slipping away from me and I am helpless to make difference."
"But I am living, I am not dying, at least I don't feel like...I just... I am better those few days, I even can sleep better while you are with me or our dog instead.." She cuddle to him letting tears flow into fabric of his cloth.
He lift her head up to look at her.
"Don't cry,yes you sleep better I see that only your eating is mess thank Valar that we are not in war so I can take care of you even when there is no results."
"Neume warned me that this all can affect me but I never imagine I will become like this." She sob wiping her eyes with back of hand.
"Its stress we work too much you change and you're under reassure to have baby but this way you wont have it you will only ruin yourself" He push one hand under her tunic to touch her side. "Only bones and skin do you feel? I can count your ribs under my hand."
"You know I don't have muscles because I could not fight and move too much while I was healing, so now I am like walking dead." She sigh closing eyes enjoying his touch. "And you always can count my ribs by the way."
He leave his hand on her.
"I just don't know how to make your body want food maybe you will feel better in human village that will be on our way to home we shall stay there to rest and bath normally."
"Maybe you are right, maybe I will be better." She nods and rub her cheek on his tunic lifting head and sniff going to his neck trailing her nose over it. "You smell like rain and wilderness.."
He smile.
"Better then to smell on dirt and on animals or on our horses."
"I like smell of my horse." She huff to his neck.
"But not on me last time you said that I stink and you pushed me away."
"I don't remember that." She lean back from his neck.
"Yes you did you were angry on me as usually you are these last days but better to say that i stink then when you said before that that I am disgusting."
"That I remember briefly yes." She start turning away from him this debate making her uncomfortable.
He turn from her laying one hand over her to hold her as she turned away.
She turn head at him stopping moving.
"You are aware I didn't mean that, I was drunk." She sigh.
"It hurt anyway" He lay his head behind hers.
"It was mean to hurt, it will be bad if it didn't.."
"Next time it will hurt you too not just me."
"You are threatening me?"
"Understand it how you want my constant obeying to you don't work" He close eyes listening rain outside.
"And when exactly were you obeying me? Oh sorry, you missed fucking with golden hero? You should say I would just walk away from camp or let you go with him whenever you want when we met him while living in wilderness..." She sit up looking at him. "I just don't understand nothing about you. It is like I don't know you at all."
"I wasn't speaking about him I was speaking about us and I know you want him so don't play in front of me. Every time we get like this never ends good or you get hurt or I and one day we wont make out alive."
"But I was not the one who just shove you aside and fucked him Haldir!" She shout and stand up. "Fine, I told you before, do what you want, I don't care. You are old enough. And I am only child and woman, what I can do? I am good for cooking and warming bed and occasionally saving life." She walk deeper in cave to horses.
He got up angry taking her by hand.
"Don't you dare say that to me. I was always welcoming you home happy and with opened heart and you always want something more or when you get angry you just shut me out and what you want me to do?"
She hiss at him pulling her hand to her.
"Maybe you should be more bad to me and I wont be that bitch like it sound when you say now."
He pin her on wall of cave.
"Yes turn all on me I am cause of all your pain"
"Are you deaf or just stupid? You think I get it all on you and what are you doing? Saying you loved and welcomed me all time and this is how I get you..." She look at him angry fighting towards his hands. "Of course you are cause of my pain, you and Glorfindel too! Do you see any others who I love and then can hurt me like you and him can?"
Haldir kiss her roughly not letting her to speak kissing her until she stop kicking and moving under him.
Allassa fight at first, biting into his lips but when he show her harder against wall she groan and stop fight returning him kiss fiercely.
Haldir push his body on her holding her kissing her opening mouth for her tongue to enter rubbing her lower lip with his tongue.
Allasa moan to his mouth slipping her tongue inside to explore all she can with it, slowly lifting her hands if he let her and hug him around neck, scratching on back of his neck.
Haldir let her hands not braking their kiss opening her tunic taking her beast into hand massaging her.
She make pleasurable sound in back of her throat, rubbing her tongue on his, luring him into her mouth and suck on it hungrily.
Haldir push it inside rubbing on her tongue exploring her inside going with his free hand to her pants.
Allassa trail with her hands to open his tunic and to caress muscles on his stomach and chest, twisting his nipples, dancing with her tongue around his.
He groan on her lips when she twist his nipple which goes hard just from few touches. He took her by waist holding her sliding one hand in over her ass.
She growl at him dangerously biting into his lower lip and scratch over his nipples.
He groan deeply and leave her lips lowering down taking her nipple in mouth holding her breast in hand pushing down her pants letting them fall to her knees.
She look down at him getting one hand into his hair and pull on his hair few times hard, gasping as he suck on her ready nipples.
He look up at her trailing kisses up from her breast to her neck sucking her skin.
She pull on his tunic tossing it aside and caress his hardness over pants.
"Don't think you fuck me and everything will be alright, that goes maybe for your lover, but not for me, mate." She hiss at him trailing ornaments on his side with her fingers.
"We are far from ok" He look her into eyes pushing his hips to her hand.
"I am aware of this yes..." She squeeze him through pants and start untying them.
Haldir moan on her neck nuzzling his nose and lips on it.
Allassa get him out taking him into hand and hard pump him while biting into his collarbone.
"I will mark you today as mine again if you like or not."
Haldir suck her skin moaning softly taking her ear.
"Do it."
"Oh not now, I don't want you to become satisfied so easily..." She smirk to his neck licking him there and let his hardness be, taking his pants and with one pull get them down.
Haldir turn her head forceful to side teasing her skin from jaw line to collar bone.
"Be careful two can play this game."
"It started like fight and now its game?" She growl at him pushing her hips to his.
Haldir kick off his pants away from his ankles and took her up in his arms taking her back on furs he was afraid that he can hurt her like this her body was weak but he didn't said anything.
"You aware that I feel your discomfort aren't you?" She looks at him holding him around neck.
"Even when I am mad at you I don't wish to harm you" He place her down coming over her looking her in the eyes. "I don't want you to feel pain, if you want pain. I am afraid that you have wrong ellon in your bed."
"I am not sure I understand you, we made love with sweet pain when we are mad at each other, and I scratch and bite you and you me when you have mood, so what are you getting at? Did Glorfindel make you so soft?"
"Biting and scratching is normal for us. I meant bigger pain Glorfindel have nothing to do with this and just to inform you you both sound same he think that you made me soft."
"Then it means you probably are soft, if both of us thinks it." She shrugs her shoulders hissing when he rub his shaft on her abdomen. "I was not speaking about your cock, that is not soft at all."
"That is not soft it would be shame that is then both of you would have no interest in me. Would you like more that I am out control like before?"
"When you were out of control? You control yourself too much on everything..." She huff.
"When I got this" He turn his eyes yellow letting his cock rest on her belly caressing her breasts.
She shiver under him from pleasure whimpering in need.
"Yes... I want this you."
"Wild out of control monster who wanted only to kill fuck and eat?"
She roll her eyes.
"You know what? I am not interested anymore.." She roll out from under him. "I don't want that monster. I don't want you at all now."
"Fine do what you want." He collect his things and get out of cave.
Allassa sit on furs her head in hand not knowing if she is hurt or angry or she don't care.
Haldir dress outside taking care of himself getting back after half an hour back in cave not even looking at her putting fire out preparing them for move.
"Dress rain is stopped we should move."
"I am dressed but you wont see that if you don't look at me." She says cleaning last fur and getting it on her horse, that is prepared with saddle already.
He took his backpack and put it on horse.
"I don't care just be ready" He took reins and lead horse out getting up in saddle waiting for her.
She say nothing taking reins of her horse and walk with it out looking up to see clouds moving but here and there star shining so storm is away from them.
"At least one good thing..." She get into saddle.
He lead in front when he hear her behind of him taking path between trees.
She make space between them and let Campanero follow him letting his reins free she just sit in saddle and look ahead at his back.
He lead trough forest more the hour when he felt pain in chest but he didn't tell her anything just start to breathe harder.
Allassa thought it is her pain when she feels it not giving it another mind, she ride behind him still.
Haldir hold himself lowering in front a bit when pain become stronger opening tunic a bit to release his neck so he can breath.
She look at him and decide to speak in mind. ´Is this yours or mine? I cant tell.'
'Its me I can not breathe he wants out I cant hold him' He fell from horse down turning on all four he started to shift growling.
"Haldir!" She shout, stopping horse and jump to him, kneeling before, touching his shoulder. "If you let him out he may tear me up..." She looks at him with frightening in her eyes.
"Channel me" He look at her with wolf eyes. "I will try to push him away if not run and climb on tree Valar help our horses if he start to kill."
"I can shift. I can call her, she can calm him down... I don't want to lose my horse, I will.... I will hate you if you kill him." She shakes her head looking at him.
"Hate me as much as you want this is not my doing" He start to call darkness to him to overpower wolf in him. "You already hate me worse then this cant be."
"I don't hate you Haldir." She touch his cheek lightly channeling him. "I love you, even when in last week it wont look like that. I just... I don't know what I want."
Haldir cry in pain as his bones began to break breathing hard.
"You son of the bitch you wont get out " He use all his power to shut wolf down lighting up his markings he slam wolf in losing balance he fall on ground.
Allassa gasp when she feels her own wolf getting into action, trying to get out to help her mate.
"Aaah.." She bite her lip looking in pain at him with wolf eyes. "She wants out to help him..."
"To help him with what?Can you walk? Slap both horses to run away I can't get up." He turn on his back looking at claws on his hands.
Allassa looks at her horse shushing him away with his golden horse and fall on knees down crying when muscles and bones start reorganizing.
"I cant hold her, she is stronger... this happened only when I become new shifter... aah... I am sorry..." She goes down on ground her face getting longer.
Haldir close eyes and let him out in seconds his cloth was teared a part and wolf rise up from body of elf standing up on all four he shake his fur and howl with his all might.
Allassa try to fight her wolf, but when she hear him howling she know she lost this fight, so she let wolf shift painfully not making it easy for her, she whimper in pain when she turn into silver she wolf. ´Danger, mate!' She turn looking for him.
He run to her licking her ear. 'Is it you I don't want she elf' He look her in eyes.
´She elf not here, she not in mind, she fought and lost she is sleep. I stronger. She wont listen.´ She lick his muzzle getting her own on his cheek to back of neck greeting him.
He rub on her licking her neck.
'He strong almost shut me down he is away now wanna hunt hungry?'
´Too hungry. What she eats is not enough. She fade away. She sick. Need to heal her.´ She lean back from him shaking fur on head and neck.
'They crazy don't know what want' He sniff air. 'come I feed us'
´She in much pain, want puppies and cant have want golden elf, cant have.. want her mate and even when she can, she wont have him. Stupid. ´ She walks to him, running when he start following him.
'You eat I feed you and take care of you make puppies with me let them away he healthy but spirit broken he want she-elf and golden elf ' He sniff trail of horses finding Haldir's backpack tearing it up taking food out. 'eat'
´We cant make puppies, I am not in heat. ´ She walks slowly to meat he get before her eating all quickly.
He push all meat to her with his nose. 'I wait for right time' He lick her ear standing still guarding her.
´Must make her strong again. She not bad, she lost. Too worried. Afraid.´ She eat all he gives her getting her muzzle into back eating lembas too and dry apples.
He took backpack between his teeth and shake it until all fall out. 'No more that is all must find more,let them inside until they get better not understand them at all' Sniff ground around them not getting to far from her.
´Not horse. Horse friend. Want meat. Want water. Want mate.´ She turn trotting to other direction sniffing in air.
'Not horse they need them horse good' He rub his head on hers. 'water not far smell it cold water near run with me?' He bark happy.
´Run fast. me first. Run!´ She bite his ear playfully and run ahead of him fast.
He run behind her getting in line with her happy that she is near him running into water when they reached river drinking as he walk trough it.
She get her head under water and back out shaking her fur, lowering her head and drink, then turn and run out, shaking all fur on her and legs waiting for him.
He look up at he getting out shaking all water off his fur, getting next to her. 'Hunt I smell birds and rabbits'
She lick his fur on head and neck. ´Night will help, they wont see us. Come, we eat.´ She run in forest smelling around finding few holes with rabbits, working on one getting her muzzle into it. ´Meat. Want meat.´
'Dig for it'
He sniff in hole but leave her going into high grass growling then all went silent he howl for her to come.
She stop digging her paws from dirt she run to him with young rabbit in mouth. ´Meat.´
He tun at her with duck in his mouth dropping it in front of her. 'More meat and eggs eat first meat we carry to safety where we will sleep'
'Good mate.´ She let rabbit down getting it to him and get to duck, tearing its belly and eat lifting her head with feathers on her muzzle licking her nose. ´Satisfied hunger. Want mate now. Sleep in peace.´
He eat eggs taking rabbit into his muzzle taking her back to one small cave near river looking at it first making sure that its empty then he lead her in in one dry dark corner letting rabbit aside curling around her letting her rest head on his back.
'We heal them. At least bodies.´ She lick his back and close eyes. ´Sleep, We hunt tomorrow. Get close to home. Night'
'Heal their body we take care of us sleep mate' He close eyes warming her with him.
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