Adult-FanFiction.org : Lord of the Rings

Path of Honor	By : IdrilsSecret Category: +Third Age > Slash - Male/Male Views: 1995 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings, nor the characters from it. I make no money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Chapter Eight

When I was very young, before the army, even before I discovered my desires for an ellon, I had a friend like no other, Fandir. We were very close in age, and we did everything together since the first day our mothers sent us out to play. We climbed trees, swam in the river, fished, hunted, anything we did, we did as a team. Inseparable we were, best friends to the ends of Arda.
I was at an age when the young elf girls started to notice me, but I had no care for them. They didn’t like to play the same games that I liked to play, and they were always trying to make me do what they preferred to do, which was to pretend to marry and play house. I wanted to pretend to kill trolls with my mighty stick sword, and cleanse the countryside of evil. Fandir agreed with my strategy, and so we spent many summer days in our make believe world. But there were always interruptions from the girls who tried to find ways to introduce their own agenda into our world. They wanted to be villagers who we could rescue or princesses in danger of being singed by a fire breathing dragon. We, of course, always said no. Fandir and I already knew how it would turn out. We would let the girls participate, and they would change the rules until we were no longer free elf men of our world. We would eventually be forced to save these princesses, even if we thought they were better off on the dragon’s fire pit, and told that the honorable thing was to marry, become king, and provide them with food, clothes, a castle, and many elflings. Fandir and I only fell for their trickery one time. After that, any and all ellith were forbidden to enter our part of the woods. I think that’s actually where I started my training as a border guard. Fandir and I had set up a perimeter, and no female whatsoever was allowed to pass into our realm.
Then one day, we were invaded by a trickster, a girl disguised as a boy, sent out by the other girls to obtain secret information about me and Fandir, and to report back about the weaknesses in our border defenses. Well, our biggest weakness was that it was only Fandir and I acting as guards, and our realm was quite large, starting at an ancient beech tree, and ending at the small creek that flowed from the rocks. We’d spent the better part of a day playing with who we thought was another boy like us, who just wanted to slay things, spill pretend blood, and reign as the most wise and powerful elves in Middle-earth. And I’ll tell you, it was the most fun I’d ever had.
It wasn’t until sundown, when Fandir and I were supposed to go home, that we learned we’d been playing the day away with a girl. Fandir was livid, but me … I was intrigued by her. Nimmil was her name, but I called her Nim. Her name meant small in Sindarin, as in frail. She was very thin, more so than the other ellith, and shorter than the others. Later I had learned that she was born too early, and barely survived. But Nim was a fighter, and always had been. No one ever told her she could not do something. If they did, she would prove them wrong. Her mother said the healers were the first to doubt her strength, saying there was nothing they could do for her, and that she would probably only live a day or two. Nim’s mother never gave up hope on her baby daughter, and poured all her love, strength and encouragement into the tiny soul. It worked, but at a price. Nim would always be slight and frail, but in looks only.
After discovering that she was a girl that day, Fandir chided her, and told her to never come back. I’ll never forget the look she gave him, cold as a steel blade, and as sharp as its edge. “Who passed from the world and made you king of the elves?” she responded without an ounce of fear. Fandir met her threat with his own narrow-eyed glare, but Nim would not back down. Another lesson I learned that I later used in my military career, how to be a mediator. Fandir didn’t want her around, but I did. I talked to both parties, made agreements, set rules, and when it was over, Nim was part of our regiment. She never did go back to the girls with any secrets, and from that day forward, she actually helped us keep them away. Eventually, the other girls gave up and left us alone to fight off pretend Wargs and trolls. It was the best summer I’d ever had, though Fandir would disagree.
Over the next few years, we’d become great friends, though Fandir and Nim still had their disagreements. It was up to me to see that they resolved their differences, and it usually worked, but there was always a certain amount of animosity between the two. Then, one day while we were role playing, something happened that changed us all.
Fandir was elected to be the troll for a change; that role usually fell to me for some reason. It was up to Nim and me to hunt him down and kill him. The rule was, the hunters had to close their eyes and count to twenty while the troll ran off and hid. Reluctantly, Fandir played his part, and Nim and I sat behind a large boulder to count. As we did, we laughed and tried to mess each other up by saying the wrong numbers aloud. Nim had a contagious laugh, the kind that a person couldn’t help but laugh themselves after hearing her. I’m not sure how long we stayed behind the boulder, but I’m pretty sure it was longer than was necessary. We were just having some fun with each other. And then, she kissed me. It happened so fast I didn’t know what to think.
“Why did you do that?” I asked, clearly put off by her actions.
“I don’t know,” she replied. “I thought you wanted me to.”
“Whatever gave you that idea?” I complained. I could still feel her lips upon mine, and as I tried to act disturbed by it, I was discovering that I kind of liked it. Her lips had been soft and warm. It was a nice sensation, and secretly I wished to know the feeling again.
My reaction did not have the same effect on Nim, though. She got angry at me and stormed off through the woods. I stayed in my hiding place, trying to figure out what had transpired. Silly elf girls, I said to myself. I looked out from behind the boulder and watched Nim as she marched off back towards the flets in the trees. She was going home. I had upset her, and I felt bad about it. So I left the hiding spot, and forgot that I was supposed to be looking for Fandir, the troll. Just as I found Nim, marching very close to the edge of a sharp drop in the landscape, the ground gave way beneath her, and she lost her footing. She disappeared right before my very eyes.
“Nim!” I yelled, as I ran as fast as I could to where she fell. Careful not to get too close to the edge, I looked down, and there she was, half buried in dirt, sticks, and dead leaves. She was just lying there, about ten feet below, and she was not moving. I’d never been as scared in all my life as I was when I saw her body lying below. The first thing I thought about was how I was going to get down there.
“Fandir!” I called out, hoping he was not so far away that he could not hear me. I yelled for him again, but I could not wait until he showed. I had to get down to Nim. Looking around at the area where she fell, I saw lots of roots and rocks sticking out of the ground. I figured that was the quickest way down to her. Otherwise, I would have to trace along the edge of the drop off, looking for another way. The ground here was unstable, and I knew it might crumble again and take me with it as I tried to climb down. That also meant more debris would fall onto Nim. I was willing to take that chance, and I made my mind up to do it. Once more, I glanced around the area, but there was no sign of Fandir, so I began my descent.
I couldn’t help the dirt that fell from where I stepped, but there were no new landslides. I only slipped once, when I grabbed what I thought was a root, but turned out to be a loose stick. I knew how to climb though, always securing my next move before letting go of my current anchor. And then I was at the bottom. Nim had some cuts and scrapes on her face and arms. She was breathing, thank the Valar, but she was unconscious. I worried that she had hit her head, or something more serious had happened to her. I brushed her blond hair from her face and spoke to her, begging her to wake up. Finally, her eyes began to flutter and she coughed. She started to sit up and winced.
“Where does it hurt?” I asked.
“My ankle, I think I broke it, or maybe I just twisted it.”
That was a relief. “I was so scared when I looked down and saw that you weren’t moving,” I confessed. “It’s my fault. I’m sorry Nim.”
“Sorry for what?”
“If I had been nicer, you wouldn’t have run away, and you wouldn’t have fallen down here.”
Nim waved me off like she usually did when she was trying to ignore me. “I shouldn’t have kissed you, but I couldn’t help it. You’re kind of cute, Rúmil, but obviously, you’ve never been kissed before.”
“No,” I said shyly. “But it was rather nice, and I wouldn’t mind doing that again sometime.”
“You would? Really?” she asked, a blush of pink showing through the dirt on her face.
I’d been so worried for her, and now I was elated to know she was alright, for the most part. Nim was gazing at me as I was thinking this, and she pushed herself up and towards me. We kissed again, but this time I knew what to expect … and it was a lot better actually. It felt like a whole new world opened up to me that I needed to explore.
“Rúmil! Nim! Where’d you two go?” Fandir called from above. “Where did you–” His voice cut off sharply. He’d found us … kissing.
We pulled apart and looked up, finding Fandir at the top of the drop off. I pretended that nothing had happened between Nim and myself, and instead, stood and waved to him. “We’re down here. Nim fell and I came down to help her. I think she’s injured her ankle. We need to find a safer path back up.”
Fandir didn’t say a word. He didn’t even move at first. He just stood there looking from me to Nim, his dark brows drawn together in a definite scowl. It was mostly aimed towards me. He’d never warmed up much to Nim, and I thought he looked angry with me. Fandir was my best friend, and I think he thought that Nim would come between our friendship.
“You going to help or not?” I said, waiting for him to do something.
“I think I saw a place down this way,” he said a moment later. He climbed down carefully, and we helped Nim to stand. She couldn’t put any pressure on her ankle, but she could move it. With Fandir on one side and me on the other, we managed to slowly lead Nim out of there and take her home. Her mother was furious, but she was grateful that we helped Nim. While she was stuck at home nursing her ankle, things went back to normal for Fandir and I, and we spent every day in our woods, killing pretend trolls, wargs, and a new kind of foe … an evil witch.
* * * * *
One day, Fandir and I went for a swim in the river. We were floating around on our backs in the shallows, enjoying some of the last days of summer. The leaves were beginning to lose their luster, and they would soon start changing to the brilliant reds and yellows of autumn. The water was already beginning to feel cold, but we were elves, and that didn’t bother us too much.
“What was it like?” Fandir asked out of the blue.
I looked over to his lithe form. His dark brown hair looked black when it was wet, and it made his white skin pale in contrast. He was very thin and lanky. I was thin too, but I had more definition in my arms and legs. I already practiced swordplay with my brothers. Someday, I would become a warrior like my father. Fandir had no interest in that. I often wondered what that would mean for our friendship when we reached our majority and were expected to contribute to society.
“What was what like?” I asked in return.
“When you kissed Nim, what did it feel like?”
His question threw me off guard. I didn’t think he wanted to know anything about her. He usually spent his energy avoiding her. I shrugged my shoulders awkwardly. “I don’t know … warm and soft … moist.”
“Do you like her?”
“I guess so. I mean, I’ve always liked Nim. She’s not like the other girls,” I said hoping to avoid any more questions.
“That’s not what I meant,” Fandir murmured.
I huffed and stood waist deep in the water. “I know what you meant. I don’t know. I think I like her. When I kissed her, I got this strange feeling inside my chest and stomach, like a tightening and quivering of my muscles. It’s difficult to explain.”
Fandir remained silent, floating on his back, and staring into the blue sky above. “What about you?” I asked. “Have you ever kissed a girl?”
His arms moved beneath the water, slow and graceful like an eagle in flight, and floated away from me. “No,” he grimaced. And then another moment later, he added, “But I have kissed a boy.”
I stared at him wide-eyed. “You did what?”
Fandir smiled and laughed, and dove beneath the water to escape any more of my questions. He disappeared into the deeper part of the river, but I traced a line of bubbles that popped at the surface. They stopped and I lost track of his movement. Then his dark head appeared across the other side. I waited for him to swim back, but he climbed out, and laid down on the flat rocks at the edge of the water. The sun shone on the rocks. It was a good place to warm up and dry off, if we were allowed to be on that side of the river, but we were forbidden.
“Fandir!” I called out to him. I could see the white of his teeth as he smiled. He turned his head to the side, eyes squinting against the sun, and waved me over. “We’re not supposed to go over there,” I reminded him.
Fandir and I swam here because it was in a part of the forest that was not overseen by Lothlórien guards. Our parents warned us against coming here, saying that it was too close to the edge of the unprotected areas. And we definitely weren’t allowed to cross the river. We chose to come here because no one else would, giving us an escape from the girls who liked to follow us. And even though we’d never seen an ounce of trouble here, we never went to the other side, until now.
I could see that he wasn’t listening to me, and if I wanted to continue our conversation, I would have to break the rules and follow him. I watched him for a moment. He adjusted his position, and pushed the white linen loin cloth down below his hips a bit so that the sun could warm as much exposed skin as possible. I was beginning to get a chill from floating in the water, and the sunny patch of rock was very tempting. Looking around me, and seeing nothing but trees, I decided to take the chance and join Fandir. When I reached the rocks on the other side, Fandir moved over and made a place for me to lay down next to him. The rocks felt wonderful, and I laid flat on my back to let the radiating heat warm me. Fandir had been there long enough that he flipped onto his stomach to let the sun warm his back.
“You’re shivering,” he observed.
My teeth were clenched tight, and I tried not to let it show. I was an elf, after all, and these kinds of things weren’t supposed to bother us. “I’ll w-warm up qui-quickly,” I stuttered.
We remained silent while our bodies regulated their temperature. I finally got to a point where I could flip onto my stomach. Fandir was playing with a leaf that he’d shaped to make it look like a pair of lips, and my mind went back to his earlier revelation. “Did you really kiss a boy?”
Fandir brought the leaf to his face, studying his handiwork, and nodded with an ornery smile.
“So what did that feel like?” I asked, same as he had done to me.
“Warm, wet, kind of soft, but not too much.” He brought the leaf to his lips and simulated the kiss.
“Did you … like it?” I was very curious, but I didn’t want to sound too eager to know.
He shrugged his shoulders, and a lock of dark brown hair fell forward. He pushed it back and gave me a sideways glance without actually looking into my eyes. “It was done on a dare and it was quick. I didn’t have time to let it register.”
“I don’t think I’d ever take that dare,” I said, wondering what led up to it all, and why an ellon would want to kiss another ellon.
“No?” Fandir said surprised. “Have you never wondered what it might be like?”
“And you have?” I returned with inquiry. “No,” I said after a while. “I haven’t even wondered about kissing a girl until recently. Why would I wonder about a boy?”
He ignored me and brought the lip shaped leave to my mouth. Then he huffed a laugh and put the leaf into the water. We watched it float along the current until it disappeared before either of us spoke again.
“Do you think she likes you?” Fandir asked. He put a slight emphasis on ‘she’. If I didn’t know better, I’d have thought he was jealous. Perhaps his loathing towards her was all a front and he actually liked Nim. Maybe he wished that she liked him instead of me.
“I don’t know. I guess she does. I visit her every day while her ankle heals, and she’s always very happy to see me. Of course, it could be that we’re just friends and–”
“I think she’s more than a friend to you,” he interrupted. “As a matter of fact, I think you want to know if she feels the same way.”
That got me thinking, and perhaps Fandir was right. I often wondered if we’d get the chance to share another kiss. Since I’d tried it once, I wished to do it again, and pay better attention to the sensations the next time.
“Do you want to know if she likes you?” he asked.
“Yea, I do,” I finally admitted. “But I’m not just going to ask her.”
“Why not?”
“Because I like Nim as a friend too, and if she knows I like her in a different way and she doesn’t, then she might not want to be my friend anymore,” I explained. The answer was pretty obvious to me, and my tone reflected that. “Why do you care, anyways?” I asked, annoyed.
“You’re my best friend, Rúmil. I don’t want to see you get hurt, especially over a girl.”
“My brother, Orophin, says that there will be plenty of girls coming in and out of my life, and that I shouldn’t dwell on the ones that leave.”
“Yes, well, Orophin has too many girls, if you ask me. I don’t believe in having lots of relationships. I think there is someone special for each person, and that once they meet, their love will last forever,” he said dreamily. His hand dangled over the edge of the rock and traced the surface of the water, sending out ripples. Small minnows came up to inspect his fingertips, and Fandir led them around. It made me think of Orophin, and all his girlfriends. It didn’t seem right to string them along, following blindly as they waited for that one chance that he would pick one of them. I picked up a stick and swirled it near the tiny fish, releasing them from their trance. Then I had a thought. What if Nim was doing the same thing that Orophin was doing? Maybe she had other boys who liked her, and she was leading all of us around waiting to see which one she liked the best. Suddenly, Fandir’s vision of one love forever and ever seemed like a good way of thinking.
“What if I told you that there was a way to find out for sure if she liked you or not, without having to ask her?” Fandir offered.
“How do you propose I do that?” It seemed ridiculous, unless he meant to ask her for me.
“I heard some of the older ellyn talking not too long ago. There’s some silly game that they play to trick the girls, but it involves using an herb.”
“Like a truth serum?” I wondered.
“Something like that,” he said with a suspicious smile.
“Sounds deceiving. I don’t think I’d want to do anything like that to Nim. Besides, if it’s meant to be, then it will happen.” I didn’t have much knowledge of herbs, but I knew that there were some that could be dangerous. Some herbs had to be crushed, some steeped into tea, and if they weren’t prepared properly, the results could be deadly. “What do you know about herbs anyways?”
“Only what I’ve overheard. I’ve never tried anything. I just thought that if you really wanted to know Nim’s feelings–”
“Well, I don’t,” I said, cutting him short.
As it turned out, Nim liked me and we revisited that kiss. But I never could get the vision of Fandir kissing an ellon out of my head. The idea grew more and more. Eventually, Nim and I went our separate ways. She found another ellon, and I found myself drawn to Fandir, but Nim and I had always remained friends.
* * * * *
As I walked along the pathways that led to the garden, I’d lost myself in my past. Earlier, when Túron and Haldir were trying to figure out who might have altered the wine, this story from my youth popped into my head. I hadn’t thought of that time for many long years, but now that I was older looking back, I started to see a pattern with Fandir. Yes, eventually we discovered our true nature, and our curiosity for each other, but something bothered me. It had to do with the way he behaved around Nimmil back in the days of our youth, and the way he behaved now. I thought back to the night of the dance, when Túron and I escaped to the storeroom, and Fandir suddenly showed. He had the same look in his eyes that night as he’d had when he questioned me about Nim, as we sunned ourselves on the rocks … jealousy. There was no mistaking it, and that’s why I’d felt so uncomfortable around him at the dance. He knew Túron and I were lovers, though he did not say anything. And if Fandir knew that, then he had been deliberately watching us.
He could have been following us because of his jealous resentment against a rival, even though there was nothing between Fandir and I, and there hadn’t been for years. After my relationship with Fandir fell apart, I pursued my military career, setting aside any chance at love. Of course, there was Beldor, but our meetings were the result of a mutual need for fulfillment and nothing else. Had Fandir known about him also? Had he not tried to intervene because he knew these were just frivolous affairs that meant nothing beyond satisfying one’s lust? Túron was the first ellon who I’d felt so strongly for since Fandir. That could have sparked Fandir’s curiosity, if he’d been watching me. And at the same time, Raenor was looking for a way to destroy Haldir. Coincidence? I was about to find out.
After talking with Haldir and Túron, I told them to send word loosely, that something had transpired at the Captain’s offices, and that I would be brought for questioning in the morning. I wanted it to be overheard within certain groups so that word would make it back to Fandir’s ears. I happened to know his sense of sound went very far, and so I headed off to the gardens to set my stage.
Dressed in an old hood and cloak to help conceal me from plain sight, I entered the garden gate and strolled along the path until I came upon the gazebo. I had a flashing memory of this place, where Túron and I first met, and of our first kiss. It was what I had hoped to be the first of many, but now those dreams were shattered. I still held some resentment towards him and his secret. Was Túron even his real name? I wondered.
“Rúmil, is that you?”
I turned only slightly, already aware my visitor. My plan was working. “Fandir,” I mocked surprise. “How did you know it was me?”
He smiled and laughed, not unlike he did that day by the river. “I recognized the cloak. I gave it to you many, many years ago.”
I looked down at my attire, my brows raised in unexpected discovery. “So it is.”
He came a step closer, but still kept his distance. “Good to know you still have something of mine. I thought you’d forgotten by now.”
“Long years it has been since that time, Fandir, but some things cannot be forgotten.” I was laying out my trap, hoping he would not notice.
“Depends upon what exactly it is you remember,” he said with caution.
“Mostly the good times,” I smiled reminiscently. I turned to him, lowering my hood so that when Túron showed, he would know it was me. Túron would know what to do. He’d know why I chose the gazebo to have this meeting with Fandir. He’d also know to keep hidden and eavesdrop on my conversation.
“I do miss those days of our youth,” Fandir said. “They were good, were they not?”
“They were … for a while.” I made myself sound desolate so that Fandir would think he needed to comfort me. When he took another step closer to where I stood, I knew it was working.
“You seem somewhat remote, not at all like your usual self. Has something happened?”
As if he didn’t know. “I’m afraid something awful has happened, and I’m being brought in for questioning in the morning.”
“Do you … want to talk about it?” he asked. It was surprising how easily he feigned concern.
“Oh … well, I … I don’t think I should–” I stammered.
“Rúmil, I know we have hardly spoken a word to each other since … well, you know. But I’ve never stopped caring about you. You must know that. If it will help, please let me be an ear to bend.”
I slowly lifted my eyes to look at him. He seemed so sincere. It brought back some of the old feelings that I’d once had for him. Mixed with the confusion of recent events, I was finding it difficult to concentrate on my original goal.
Fandir took my arm. “Come, let’s sit a spell. How about in here?” he asked, leading me to the gazebo.
We went inside. The scent of roses brought back the memory of Túron, but I squashed it far back in the reaches of my mind. I sat down, Fandir sitting next to me, and we let the silence surround us for a while. Finally, I opened up to him, told him the truth about what happened that afternoon in my office with Romon. He listened intently, but I could see the surprise behind his eyes to learn that it was Romon that I’d shared the wine with. So, Túron was right. It was supposed to be him and I, not Romon, and Fandir hadn’t known. This proved to me that Raenor had known, and that he was probably responsible for threatening Romon’s lover in order to split them apart. And Romon, being a sensitive type, let the break-up interfere with his training, which eventually led him to my office.
“What will happen now?” Fandir asked, truly concerned about my welfare.
“Well, it was Haldir that found us, but when I told him that the wine had been tainted with something, he started an investigation right away. He sent a sample of the wine to one of the healers, who will figure out what was used.” I held my head in my hands and sighed deep. “This whole thing is a huge mess. I think I am going to be discharged.”
“Oh no, Rúmil. I know how important the military is to you. This is just awful,” he replied.
“What am I going to do?” I asked with desperation.
“Well, for what it’s worth, I am always here for you.”
So, that was his ulterior motive. He wanted me back, and he knew he could not have me as long as I was still in the army. He couldn’t have me as long as I was with Túron either. It was a very desperate move on his part. Raenor must have given him the idea that once I was thrown out of the army, and Túron was out of the picture, I would come running back to Fandir. Now it was time to throw a pebble into the gears. “Fandir, you will always have a special place in my heart, but I’ve met someone recently, and if my fate pulls me from the army, then I’ll be free to be with him.”
I could see the hate forming as his brows creased and his lips tightened. “Is it that servant I’ve seen you with?” he said coldly.
“How do you know about him? Have you been watching me?” I accused.
He tried to reign in his ire and his jealousy, but I had knocked a hole in his façade, and he could not hide his true feelings any longer. “I’ve been watching you for years, Rúmil. I’ve never lost hope that we could one day be together again, if only you would just get away from the army. But you never will, not on your own. You’ve bound your soul to it.”
“I thought you knew that. I thought you understood.”
“I know that I never stopped loving you,” he said with passion.
“Then why did you end what we had?” Suddenly, I was thrown back to my youth, and I wanted answers to my questions. “I’m not blind, Fandir. I’ve seen the way you look at me when we happen upon each other around the city. I know you still long for those days when we were carefree and happy together. Do you even know how close I was to telling my brothers that I did not wish to follow in their footsteps? I was willing to forego all of it just to be with you.”
“Yes, I knew that. I’d sensed it from the way you used to hold me, and from the way you kissed me. But it wasn’t my decision. I wanted to be with you too. It was your brother that would not let us be together.”
“What?” I said, completely thrown off guard. “Haldir?”
“He knew about us, Rú. He somehow found out, and confronted me one day. I tried to argue with him, but he would have none of it. Haldir had a long talk with me, tried to make me realize how important the army was to him, to you … to all of your family. When I told him that we loved each other, and that I thought you were going to choose your own course for your future, he became furious. He threatened me, said that if I crossed him, I’d find no employment but as a wine wench in Bree.” He paused and gave a sardonic laugh. “And look who you’ve given your heart to. But ai, I guess a servant in Lórien’s halls is a step above one in Bree’s dirty taverns.”
My mind was reeling. I didn’t want to believe that Haldir could ever do such a thing. And thinking back to that time, Fandir’s rejection came as a complete surprise to me. We’d had no quarrel. There were no signs from either one of us that our relationship was ending. Was Fandir telling the truth? “No,” I said with denial. “Haldir would never do such a thing.”
“We were so good together,” said Fandir sadly. Then his tone changed to something more loathing. “Since that day, I have hated Haldir. I hated him for what he did to us. There was nothing I could do. Anything I might have tried would have reflected badly for you, and I never wanted to hurt you.”
“But now you’re willing to do just that,” I accused. I’d heard a twig snap outside. It was that of an oak, and I knew that a stand of them grew just on the other side of the gazebo. Romon’s lessons had come in handy. Túron had finally shown. Now, to get Fandir to admit that he was responsible for tampering with the wine, and that he had conspired with Raenor.
“No, I would never hurt you, Rú. I still love you. I’ve never stopped loving you. I … I just wanted you back with me. I always have.”
“So why now, and not before. Why wait until I’m made Captain before you tried to sabotage me?” I demanded.
“Whatever are you talking about?” He played a good game, but I could see him losing ground.
“Moon flower, sound familiar?”
He laughed nervously and moved away from me. “I’ve no idea what that is.”
“No? Let me refresh your memory. Moon flower is an herb that when given orally in the exact amount produces illusions, usually making one desire the thing he or she wants most. For example, when a boy wants to know if a girl he likes shares the same feelings in return. Didn’t we have a similar conversation when we were youths? Nim? The first girl I ever kissed? You suggested that we try something to get her to reveal her true feelings.” He was squirming in his seat. I had him caught, but I’d not yet cornered him.
“That was ages ago. We were just elflings then.”
“Yes, but you knew about the herb. Said you’d overheard some of the other elves talking about it. What you don’t know is that after that, I considered finding out more about it and using it on myself.” This was something that I’d never told anyone.
“But why?” he said confused by my admission.
“You opened up to me that day. As we lay on the rocks by the river, I listened to you describe what it was like to kiss an ellon, and it awakened something inside me. I didn’t know it then, but I think that’s when I began to realize that I would not marry a girl, that my life might turn out much different than Haldir and Orophin imagined for me.” I didn’t feel comfortable sitting next to Fandir at the moment. I knew Túron was outside somewhere, listening to our conversation, and I needed to get Fandir to admit to using the herb. But in order to do so, I was going to have to reveal personal things about myself. I stood from the seat and turned my back away from Fandir as I went on. “I found out who those boys were, and after befriending them, they told me about their game. They’d slip a small amount of moon flower into a girl’s drink, and then ask her things about the boys she knew. Eventually, they would get her to tell them who she wished to be with. Sometimes it worked out well for her, when the ellon liked her in return. But sometimes it ended badly, and the girl was hurt to find out that the boy she liked did not feel the same. It was a cruel game, but it happened. Anyways, I asked them where they found moon flower and how they prepared it … how much to use and all that. And that’s when I learned something that, until recently, I’d managed to put out of my mind because I didn’t want to believe it. They said they didn’t get the herb or prepare it, but they knew who did. Supposedly, moon flower was rare, and could only be found in certain areas of Middle-earth … nowhere near Lothlórien, mind you. But the boy who they got it from, oddly enough, sounded a lot like you, from their description. Of course, that was ridiculous, I’d told myself. How on earth could you ever get a hold of moon flower?”
“Indeed,” he said, looking a bit more secure. I wasn’t letting him go that easily.
“Ah, but didn’t your father travel across the Misty Mountains to a small town where the Ganduin river meets the Greyflood? And didn’t you accompany him on occasion? Just so happens that this rare plant grows close to that town. But you already know that, don’t you?” I charged. “Been across the mountains lately?”
I heard Fandir get up, and I felt his hand on my shoulder, but I pulled away from his touch. “Rúmil, please believe me when I say I wasn’t out to hurt you. Yes, I knew about moon flower, where to find it and how to prepare it.”
“Who did you get it for?” I demanded from him.
At first he tried to play dumb, but after I confronted him several times, he broke down and told me. “It was Raenor. I don’t know how he knew, but somehow he found out about my expertise with herbs, especially rare ones. He asked if there was one that could alter the mind. I told him about moon flower, and then, after we gained each other’s trust, he told me about his plan to have Haldir removed from his office. It brought back so many old feelings and hurts. Raenor said that he would put it all together. All I had to do was get him the laced wine. At first, I thought he intended to use it on Haldir, and I had no qualms with that. Later I learned that he meant to use it on you and Túron, to set you up and then walk in on the two of you in the throes of passion. I didn’t want any part of it, for I knew it would ruin your career. But it was Raenor who convinced me that once you were thrown from the army, there would be no other place for you to go but back into my arms.”
Even though I had suspected this, I was still in complete shock over his admission. I had nothing to say, dumbfounded, flabbergasted about all of it. “Did you follow me? Did you know about Túron and me? Did you report your findings to Raenor?”
Fandir looked to the ground in shame of what he realized he’d done. He slowly nodded, confirming my suspicions that Raenor could not have worked alone to ruin my brother. “Didn’t you know that this would ruin my entire family?” I asked.
“I don’t care about them. I only wanted you back in my life.” Finally defeated, Fandir dropped to the ground and knelt at my feet. “I’m sorry, Rúmil. I am so, so sorry.”
“If you are truly sorry, you will help save my reputation and my family’s name. You have to tell the proper authorities about Raenor. You have to tell them what you did, especially with the wine,” I told him.
“What? But I … I can’t. Raenor will–”
“Raenor will do nothing that would put him at risk. He’s probably scheming right now, trying to figure out how to pin this whole incident on you. Fandir, you have to confess your involvement. If they know that the parties involved were under the hallucinating influence of an herb, then maybe no one will be ejected from the army.”
He looked me deep in the eyes, searching for something, and cocked his head to the side. “Even now that you said you’ve found someone to truly love, you would still choose the army over him?”
I shook my head slowly and glanced away from him. “It’s all I know how to do. I’m good at being a soldier. I’m ruthless as a warrior. I would rather sacrifice my life so that my country can be safe than to live out the rest of my days on these shores in quiet and peace.” I knew Túron could hear me. It was a confession as much to Fandir as it was to Túron. “I’ve tried my luck at love. I’m just not good at it. Perhaps one day far from now, I’ll be able to settle down and find true happiness with someone, but not now. It just will not work.”
Fandir sighed and touched my arm. “Losing you once was difficult. Losing you again will be heart wrenching.”
“That’s the thing,” I said with a cold edge to my words. “You never had me, Fandir. You only thought you did in your mind.” I pushed him towards the opening of the gazebo and he stepped outside to find Túron waiting on the path. He froze and leaned back, as though to escape, but I had him by the arm.
“Come, Fandir. Time to tell your story,” I said pulling him along. I couldn’t bring myself to look at Túron. I know he’d heard everything I said, and I had pretty much said that we had no future. But then, he already knew that, didn’t he? After all that had happened, we could never be together without raising suspicions. I should have known better than to think I could ever have something normal, but Túron was the closest I’d ever come to it. In a way, a part of him would always be with me. A part of my heart was his forever.
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Path of Honor