Adult-FanFiction.org : Lord of the Rings

Frozen Heart	By : Argleena Category: -Fourth Age to Modern times and beyond > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 1632 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own (or profit from) the characters in this work, but do enjoy playing with them for your reading pleasure! All LOTR references are property of J.R.R. Tolkien.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Elladan shot straight up out of bed. Sweat dripping down his face and heart pounding wildly, it took him several minutes to gain his bearings, pacing back and forth across the room in terror. Finally, he realize it had all been a dream. Well, either a dream or a vision. He had, after all, inherited a portion of his father’s ability to foresee possibilities into the future. And it was whispered that his grandmother possessed great gifts. What had he done? Would his brother truly fade because of the ending of his relationship? When Elladan had convinced Legolas to walk away, he never thought that this would happen. Sure, his brother would be upset and feel unhappy for some time, but they had not bonded, it would not kill him, right? But as much as Elladan did not want to acknowledge the dream/vision, he knew it was true. When he really stopped to reach out and feel his brother through their twin bond, he could feel Elrohir's devastation and grief. He could feel the weakening of his fëa and hröa. He had seen the evidence on his brothers ever growing frail frame and his listless manner. His brother was fading faster than Elladan realized. In his guilt and denial at what he had done he had hesitated to feel for his brother in some time. Was it too late to fix now? Elrohir was fading and would soon pass, all due to Elladan’s own fears and jealousy. He must do something and quickly.
Fearing his brother’s reaction if he confessed directly to him at this moment, Elladan threw on some traveling clothes, settled his travel pack and left a brief note for his father staying that he had an emergency errand he needed to take care of but would be back in time for the Mereth i Meleth. From there he mounted his father's hardiest stallion and set off for the area between the Misty Mountains to the east and the plains where the Old Forest Road exited Eryn Lasgalen. Unbeknownst to Elrohir, he knew Legolas to be somewhere in that location as according to Aragorn he was making his way down with Gimli in a few weeks time to visit Aragorn in Gondor and then Ithilien. He liked to keep tabs on the prince to try and prevent him from crossing paths with Elrohir and his secret being revealed. Too late for that now. If he hurried, he could catch up with the two before they got too far away. They did, after all, enjoy taking their time to explore on their travels now that the lands they traveled across were so much less perilous.
Six days of hard riding brought him to a small inn where he had discovered Legolas and his companion were staying. Taking a fortifying breath he entered the establishment. Paying the keep for a room for the night and dinner, he sat himself in a quiet corner of the dining area and waited for Legolas so make an appearance. A few hours of waiting later, he caught sight of the prince. He could not believe his eyes. Legolas’ appearance reminded him so very much of his brother’s, body too skinny, pale gaunt face, dull and limp hair, almost lifeless. He could see the forced smile and faked joviality as he interacted with those around him. The fact that Legolas had not recognized him instantly was concerning, for he was one to always be watching and aware of his surroundings. Bracing himself, he stood up from his table, stretched his stiff muscles and approached the end of the bar where Legolas stood, leant over to speak to a young man and his dwarven companion.
The second Legolas did became aware of his presence he froze. For one brief moment Elladan saw a spark of something that looked like longing and hope and happiness to see him. All to quickly that spark was snuffed away, upon realizing it was Elladan and not his former lover that had come to seek him out. Even if it had been Elrohir before him, Legolas’ eyes still would have lost his joy, for because of Elladan, Legolas believed that Elrohir had left him all those years before. None too pleased to see Elladan, who he knew did not care much for him in the past, he turned quickly and bent to Gimli’s ear to say something and then headed towards the staircase that led to the rooms for rent. Elladan forced his way through the crowd and up the stairs behind him and eventually he managed to catch up to the slowed prince. “Legolas, please, wait. I must speak with you. It’s a matter of life or death!” Elladan begged. As much as he did not want to speak to the older twin he stopped, cocking his head in attention in a nonverbal cue to continue. He would give him one minute of his time. He did not know if he could spare any more as it was too painful to be near one who reminded him so much of his lost love. They truly did appear to be identical unless one knew them well, not that Legolas would not have been able to distinguish between the two in an instant, even if they were intentionally trying to be deceitful, as Elrohir had told stories of them playing such pranks in their days of youth.
Elladan, knowing he had no time to beat around the bush, pulled Legolas by the elbow into his room, shutting and latching the door behind him to give them some privacy as he began his confession. He told Legolas of all his lies and the web of deceit he had spun in an attempt to separate Legolas from his brother. He explained the condition Elrohir had deteriorated to and his fears that his brother would soon fade. Legolas’ ghostly face paled even further and his stomach sank at the description of his loves abysmal condition. For all the lies he perpetrated in the past, Legolas did not doubt Elladan's confession of truth right now for one second. The guilt and fear for his brother was written all over Elladan's face.
Elladan did not notice the crossover to clenching fists or the angry red flush growing up Legolas’ chest and neck. Legolas could weep at the thought of Elrohir's suffering, for he knew how he himself suffered, and those feelings only served go fuel his rage. As the older twin made a bumbling attempt to explain why he had deceived his brother and Legolas, he ended up flat on his back with a broken nose and two black eyes. “You selfish swine!” Legolas shouted. “For years I have suffered and mourned the loss of my love, thinking Elrohir no longer wanted me. No longer loved me! And now by your confession you tell me that it is all a lie and your brother has suffered the same as I? You are not worthy to call yourself tôr the way you have treated him. Valar help you if something happens to him before I get to him!” With that Legolas turned on his heel and exited Elladan’s room.
Pausing and tossing his head over his shoulder, looking Elrohir square in the eye, Legolas instructed in a deadly calm voice, “Pack your things as quickly as you can. We ride for Imladris immediately. You will come directly with me and confess your misdeeds.” Eyes steely cold, Legolas left off with, “May the Valar have mercy on your fëa if you do not confess all to your brother and make him believe you for it. If your gwanunig believes you not, or if you attempt some sort of deceit again, you will not find yourself entering The Blessed Lands by way of the sea. It will be through many years of contemplation of your actions within Mandos Halls, that is if Námo ever deems it fit to release you!” Legolas threatened, voice escalating. He then continued on to his room to hastily pack his things. Gimli, who had followed Legolas up and “secretly” listened in on the conversation, gave Elladan a deadly look as the Wood Elf exited the room and followed Legolas back to their room, where he quickly made ready to accompany the elves on their journey. This would be one detour not to be forgotten. Gimli had the best of hopes for his dear friend, having seen his misery and decline in their years since their initial departure from Gondor.
Elladan quickly gathered his things and saddled his horse. Although at this point it was late into the night, the trio set forth on their journey back to Imladris right away. Legolas did not want to waste even one moment in his journey to reunite with his lost love once again, for he greatly feared for Elrohir's life. He also feared for Elrohir's reaction and possible rejection of him. The week long journey allowed too much time for contemplation and Legolas’ confused and emotional thoughts swirled like a whirlwind in his head, oft times blown into exaggeration and spinning him around in a tumult of anxiety. Hadn't Legolas not long ago promised never to leave Elrohir's side with no explanation or word of his departure. Surely this was a different story though? Legolas was led to believe he was the one being left. Still, he had a feeling Elrohir will say he should have come to him face to face regardless. If only he had confronted Elrohir instead of following Elladan's malicious and nefarious instructions, surely they would have healed or flat out prevented any hurts between the two, before any damage could be done. Instead, however, he was a coward and fled. That was a wound left open between them to fester throughout the years, to the point where Legolas feared for its ability to ever truly heal.
Thoughts and questions spun incessantly through Legoas’ head as the trio’s horses steadily clip-clomped in a trot toward Imladris. The farther the distance they travelled, the madder (crazier) he felt himself growing. The steady cadence of the horse’s hooves and rocking motion produced by the mares smooth gait had a hypnotizing effect on the jittery elf that had Legolas continually looping his questions and irrational thoughts and fears into a never ending cycle of doubt, clip-clomping through his head. While rare, anxiety and fixation on irrational fears were one of the few conditions that an elf could suffer from requiring some sort of healing outside of wounds, insomnia/nightmares and poisons. Legolas was in a very vulnerable position due to his fading and then the shock and stress brought to him by Elladan's confession, which caused him to deal with a mental breakdown of some sort. Elladan felt even more guilt as this was the reason he had confronted Legolas and not Elrohir first. He feared his brother suffering this very type of reaction or worse and being unable to get a grip on his sanity before he could get to Legolas and settle matters. Legolas was assigning himself part of the blame and fixating on unlikely outcomes brought on by his fractured fëa, grieving heart and irrational fears. After all, he never would have thought Elladan capable of betraying them like this in the first place, so were his fears really that unfounded.
Legolas’ mind spiraled out of control with anxiety. His heart thumped heavily in time with his anxiety riddled thoughts, following the hollow rhythm of his journey from atop his marching mare. Would Elrohir believe all that Elladan had to say? Clip. Would he think this some kind of ploy on Legolas’ or his gwanûr’s part? Clomp. An attempt to pull him out of his fading grief? Clip-clomp. Legolas often forgot that his own appearance, just like Elrohir's, also reflected that of the world weary and fading. Clip-clip-clomp. He no longer looked in mirrors as he did not recognize the gaunt and ghostly reflection staring blankly back. Clip-clip-clomp. There was no question Legolas was experiencing a soul crushing grief the same as Elrohir was. Clip-clomp. Would the group be too late to keep Elrohir from slipping into an unwakeable slumber, forgetting who even his own self was? Clip-clomp, clip-clomp, clip-clip-clomp. Clip-clip-clomp. Clip-clip-clomp. Clip. Clip. Clip. Clip. Clomp. Question- clip-clip, thought-clomp, no answer- clip-clomp-clomp. Question- clip-clip, thought-clomp, no answer- clip-clomp-clomp. Question- clip-clip, thought-clomp, no answer- clip-clomp-clomp. On and on and on and on in a dizzing spiral, never ending. Clip-clip, clomp-clomp, clip-clip, clomp-clomp. Clip-clomp, clip-clomp, clip-clomp, clip-clomp, heart beat thumping irregularly in tune with the hoof beats, aligning his anxiety with the maddening rhythm, and it only grew as the length of the journey seemed to endlessly march on, no matter how many hours rolling into days they pushed themselves.
Legolas tried to meditate and breathe deeply as often as possible to calm himself on this infernal, elder twin be damned, everlasting trip. He was losing himself, no longer able to keep his center. He had felt nothing of this type of energy within himself during his perilous journey as part of the fellowship. He was the most frightened that he had ever been in his life at this point. If he lost himself to this insanity before they arrived to Imladris he will have lost any lingering hope for Elrohir.
Elladan, having a significant amount of healing training acquiesced from his father, who was considered the greatest healer in Middle Earth, located and made a tea of some herbs that he hoped to help Legolas to calm down. While this slowed Legolas and therefore the group down, his descent into madness was even more dangerous as it had Legolas babbling to himself and turning down unfamiliar trails. He saw some improvement in Legolas’ erratic and anxious behaviors after that. The trio rode on as swiftly as they could safely manage, making their best attempt to reach Imladris before the dawn of the day that the festival began. The return journey to the Last Homely House in the end took a couple of extra days from the pace that Elladan had made it in. Legolas was indeed weaker than usual, therefore slower in his travel and the dwarf was no great horseman, requiring guidance and a slower pace than the elves atop their horses. More breaks were needed for rest and food. As much as Legolas wanted to hurry, it would do him no good to show up with himself unconscious or dead and he refused to leave Gimli behind to catch up, no matter how stubborn the dwarf was in his arguments. This also gave Legolas an excuse to take a pace he could manage on top of his mental and physical breakdown.
The three arrived at the Homely House just before sunrise on the day of the Mereth i Meleth. Legolas received many scathing glares from early rising and over protective elves. Elrohir was well loved and many worried or him. This did not deter Legolas in the least. His single mindedly focused on finding the one he love. Marching quickly down the hall he came to Elrohir's door. Without bothering to knock, he burst inside, Elladan following meekly behind. Gimli pulled the door shut and guarded the doorway to prevent any attempts at escape or interruption. Elrohir jumped from where he was sitting at his desk, writing what looked to be several copies of the same letter. Seeing Legolas, he froze. Feeling ill in his stomach and as if his knees were going to buckle, his head buzzing with a deafening mixture of thoughts and emotions swirling inside, he shakily returned to his seat lest he collapse in on himself.
“What are you doing here?” He ground out in hurt and anger, exhaustion taking most of the bite from his words. A small frisson of warmth cracked through in his heart at the sight of his lover again, but he buried the feeling away. He had made his plans. There was no point in letting hope in just to cause more pain in the end. Pressing on, he continued, “I told you once before to never again leave me without a word of goodbye or explanation to me and yet you did. Nothing. I was left without even a note this time. We were supposed to be together from there on out. I cannot live in this cycle of never ending torture with you leaving me behind with no idea of what is going on or why.” Letting go of a lengthy sigh, Elrohir continued his tirade, unable to stop now that he started. Meekly at first, with failing energy left “Your presence brings me great pain. I grow weak.” Gathering the last of his strength, “OUT!” he bellowed, swiping his desk clear in a fit of rage. “I have nothing to say or hear from you. GET OUT OF MY ROOM.” Fists pounding weakly upon a solid oak desk, “OUT, OUT, OUT OUT OUT! LEAVE MY HOME! It is all I have left.” Having drained himself of what little was left of his spirit, he dropped his head into his hands and cried out a cutoff sob.
Ignoring Elrohir's command to leave as well as his harsh words, Legolas yanked Elladan before him. His voice ice cold, he commanded, “Tell him Elladan. Tell him what you have done!” Standing straight, Legolas glowered at Elladan as he prepared to make his confession.
Trembling and with head down, Elladan dropped to his knees in a position of supplication and pleaded with his brother, tears already making their way down his face, “Goheno nîn, tôr-nîn, goheno nîn. I have done you a great injustice and caused you much suffering these past few years.” Drawing in a shaky breath, Elladan continued, “In my jealousy of your relationship with Legolas and fear that I was losing you, I deceived you. Ever have we been together at one another's side. I feared that I would lose my one remaining sibling now that Arwen was doomed to the fate of men. When your relationship with Legolas lasted through the many long centuries and hardships of distance, separation and war, I grew frightened at the scope of love you held for another, a depth of love I had not ever been able to find. I had overheard your plans to leave and travel alone with Legolas. You planned to bond with him and then carry off, leaving me behind. I would be left behind with neither brother or sister. With you bonded to to Legolas and gone away, I would be alone and the sole heir responsible for those left in Imladris. Selfishly, I did not want this responsibility and had always thought to pass it to you or at least share it. Ever had you been more suited in temperament for the position. Then later, when we were to sail, ada and nana would expect for me to be the one to settle down and produce heirs and grandchildren for them. All that was very frightening to me as I did not see myself finding a love as you have. The thought of entering into such a union with another simply to continue the bloodline was unimaginable to me an--...”
Legolas cut in, interrupting Elladan’s rambling digression from his confession. “Enough. Enough with your excuses. Tell him what you did!”
And so Elladan did. With a shaking voice and tears in his eyes, Elladan went on to explain how he deceived Legolas and sabotaged their relationship. He explained the message and forged letter that he presented Legolas with and how he encouraged Legolas to leave immediately after the coronation to avoid prolonging the inevitable separation and explosive argument that would surely take place if Legolas “defied Elrohir's wishes” and attempted to contact him or sway his decision to end the relationship. Legolas then pulled out a letter that even Elladan did not know he still had. He handed Elrohir the forged letter that had caused him such insurmountable pain. Elrohir glanced down at the paper but was in too much shock to open it at the moment. He looked sharply at his brother, demanding that he continue his horrid confession through their mind speak. Did he even want this mental connection with his brother Elrohir thought. Elladan flinched sadly as that thought was passed to him as well.
“I know you will most likely find it nearly impossible to forgive me, and that is what I deserve, but please, don't allow my poor decisions and actions lead you to choices and actions you will regret. Please, please stay with us in the race of the elves. Legolas, ada a nana, Erestor a Glorfindel, and all your other friends and family do not deserve to lose you because of my mistake. If it is too much for you to forgive of me and you can bear my presence no longer, I will remain behind with the race of men or keep myself separated from you if we both cross the sea, allowing you peace from my mistakes. I have played out my own greatest fears, for how can you forgive me and remain by my side after my deceit? I don't ask for your forgiveness but please, don't leave those who love you either through grief and fading or the Choice of mankind. I have returned Legolas to you. Rekindle your love with one another.” Tears were streaming down Elladan's face as he allowed his disjointed and heartbroken words pour forth.
There was a deafening silence after Elladan finished with his confession. Elrohir stared dumbfounded at his gwanûr. He did not believe what he was hearing. He was in shock. There was no way his brother would..., he could never…, but slowing his racing thoughts and really taking a moment to study Legolas and Elladan as they stood before him, the truth spoke for itself. Elladan’s eyes, tear soaked face and slumped posture reflected his guilt. Legolas’ gaunt face, haunted eyes, and his once strong body now pale, frail and weakened reflected an all to familiar suffering and heartache that Elrohir empathized deeply with, for he too had mourned their separation to the beginning of fading, just as Legolas had. He didn't even need to glance at the wretched letter full of lies in his hand to know it contained exactly what Elladan said it did. He shoved the forgery far away from him, wanting nothing to do with the falsities inside. Looking back and forth between Legolas and his brother for a long moment he finally spoke, addressing his brother. Starting off in an eerily calm tone, Elrohir spoke, “I can't believe the one who I grew up with, who was closer to me than my best friend, MY OWN BLOOD, could betray me like this, allow me to suffer as I have. You are not worthy to call my brother. The brother I used to have had much more honor and integrity than this.” Suddenly raising his voice he shouted, “Get thee from my sight! At this moment I no longer have a brother. I'm not sure if I ever will again.”

Dejected and head hung low, without an argument, Elladan exited the room. His only choice now was to allow Elrohir the opportunity to reconcile with his love and hope that with time and the healing of his heart, one day Elrohir could forgive him, or at the least tolerate his presence near him some day again.

TBC...
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Translations (Sindarin)
ada a nana- father and mother
goheno nîn- forgive me / excuse
gwanunig(‘s)- twin(‘s) (individual/singular twin)
hröa- body
tôr- brother
tôr nîn- my brother
valar (used as an explicative)- gods! / oh my gods!
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Frozen Heart