Adult-FanFiction.org : Lord of the Rings

Allassa and Haldir	By : Silvana Category: -Fourth Age to Modern times and beyond > Het - Male/Female Views: 5854 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or places of Lord of the Rings/Tolkien. No money is being made. This is for personal enjoyment only.

Chapter List
- 79
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- 81
Haldir
Her treatment started.Pretty fast as our boys grow, running around the house happy. Turion liked more animals and running while Albus like more to listen stories or watch me practicing archery. As for us their parents we find a way to live together and I was thankful to my wife for giving me time and for having patience to start with me from nothing.We were more gently to each other like never before afraid of hurting other one.
I am thankful she didn't push me to make up my mind Valar were merciful to me. As they were running around I made them something to eat, they got tired asking for story. Turion didn't want to use his ada(father) as pillow like Albus saying that he is big enough to sleep alone saying that he is no child anymore. Why I am not surprised? He was his mother son after all. Not planing sleep took me like them and I didn't hear Allassa when she arrived home....

Allassa got her cloak to hang on hall, there were light rain outside, she got from boots to slippers, looking into child room to see Turion in his bed, she smile going to where she feels her second son with her husband.
Her coming awake him he look at her and give her smile whispering.
"Take him to his brother to sleep"
"Stay still." She goes to him taking boy from his hold resting him against her shoulder. "Are you hungry? I got some vegetables and herbs as I walked home, so I can make you meat on fire with salad?" She whisper at him taking boy to child room.
"Yes I am bit hungry. They make me tired fast. I made yard fence and two doors how do you like it?"
"I will look when I make dinner, I need to take care of animals too." She get Albus into his bed walking to kitchen taking basket from hall and start preparing dinner. "Today even when is hot outside it was cold in water.. Neume told me that it is good sign."
"I took care of animals with boys you don't need to worry about them. So you are going better are you feel better?"
"I am good. Neume told if there won't be any stimul, I can be like this for years, but till end of month, I will go everyday to that water. She thinks three years is enough till now, she wants to see what happens when we stop healing, if I will be stable or not." She get into pantry slicing two pieces of meat to get it on fire.
"I will help you get trough this as much as I can. All stress will be away from you even our children are little angels not stressing you. And beside that with three ellons in house youre well protected."
"They are too little to be protectors of me, it will take few decades till they will be like that, till then its my job to care and protect them." She cut vegetables making salad watching meat. "And you are good Haldir, I can't say anything against you for those years till now."
"Yes but they always ask for you when you're away, they are smart for their age." He stand near her. "As for me I am grateful that you give me time."
"What else could I do? I can't force you to love me again and children need both parents." She shrug her shoulders not looking at him, fixing her look into food she prepare.
He turn her looking her in eyes getting closer.
"You could say that you won't wait that you wan't your freedom. I would never part mother from children" He look few moments and kiss her lips lightly.
She caress his cheek leaning back after kiss.
"I will not let them alone when they need me. And after all..." She smile at him. ".. I still love you."
"I still need you. My love is getting back for you its not strong like before but its here and when I can feel you trough our bond I feel better"
"I can't ask and press you on loving me, so I am happy we can live next each other like we do it those years." She turn to fire taking meat from there getting it on plate. "Go sit, I will get it to you."
He sit by table watching her back.
"Is it true that they will soon let you shift with me?"
"I dont know, maybe? I didn't ask about that. I am happy I can shift at least alone, my wolf nearly ripped everyone when they let me shift after that year and half.... now it is still sad, but it makes me feel better, when I can shift constantly."
"Neume told me that hey will let us shift together in restricted area. Didn't told me when just mentioned that."
"I see. It will be better to keep our wolfs away for first, maybe let hem meet through fence..." She nods, getting bowl with salad getting it on table and take plates with meat. "Here, take how many you want."
"When I shift it's not me wolf is all him wanting yours, not you it is confusing Neume started to explain to me I got headache from her" He took one piece of meat cutting to eat.
"I am not myself when I shift for first moments, but when wolf see she is alone, she leave and I am in my mind." She sit down after getting cups with drinks. "I heard him howl everytime they take you to shift... it tears my heart."
"When he see that she is not around he go to hunt and sleep near our dogs."
"At least he is not alone." She nods to him eating slowly. "Did you make dinner for kids or should I make something for them in case they wake up?"
"Yes I did you don't have to worry about them. Just to give them all is in pantry prepared" He smile eating taking one more piece of meet.
"Good, thank you. When they woke up I will get them it." She end eating taking plate to wash letting him eat more.
He eat his meat finishing all salad that she left giving her plates to wash.
"I will be in my room."
"Alright, I will go to look at boys and then go to yard to see how you made it." She takes plates getting them into sink and wash them.
"I can show you around if you don't want to go alone? Call me when you get back from boys."
"Fine." She ends washing up, letting them dry and wipe her hands on cloth, walkinh throught house to peep into children room seing boys sleep soundly, she walks out and when she is nearing his door she call him in mind.
Haldir respond to her getting our shortly.
"Ready?" He smile still feeling little nervous by her leading her out showing her fence made of wood explaining her how he treated edges of wood so children can't hurt themselves.
"I like it, they can run around as they want and they will not go out of yard. I still remember that searching party when they started to walk and got away from house while we were helping giving birth to twins of goat." She smile at him going to look into rabbit house. "Oh, look, there are new babies of white and black rabbits."
"Yes they are fast multiplying and they are tasty when they are young. I repaired with boys our bed in woods too."
"Good. I wasn't there for years I should go visit it"
"I was with boys they want to sleep there with us sometime. I can lead you to see how I fix it?"
"Fine I will go just let me take another boots." She nods at him going to house.
Haldir sat on grass caressing dogs head waiting for her.
She look through window thinking if she should say that she won't come but take another boots and look at children going back to him.
"We can go. Do you take Silvana with us?"
"She is used to follow me everywhere if you don't mind she will come?"
"No she can of course. She is used to you as our last dog was to me I understand that."
He smile leading her to bed.
"She is still big puppy always ready to play."
"Half wolves are like that yes. Remember first pupiies from Lilith? They were like this too"
"Yes I remember." He look in front. "Well here we are" He rise hand so she can go freely to look around.
She walk to bed looking at it.
"You repainted it. It looks really like new." She trail fingers over furs there.
"Yes and I fixed wall glass were broken tree fall on it during storm. Try bed."
She turn at him then back at bed.
"Alright." She get boots down sitting on bed and move to center. "It is better than I remember."
"Lay down" He came closer sitting on grass leaning back against bed. "I change supporting boards on floor of bed so now feels like that better."
She lie down looking up.
"And we with them. No Silvana stop no not up on bed." She ignore him completely laying head on Allassa's belly.
"Oh hi beauty." Allassa scratch her head behind ears staying silent falling to light sleep.
Haldir took bucket with water and wipe rest of glass wall cleaning it from rain and dirt.
Allassa mumble something from dream turning her head to other side lifting hand above her head and other on dogs head.
Haldir finish cleaning and let bucket to dry on sun awaking her.
"Wake up we should go back"
She open eyes looking at him.
"Looks like I was more tired than I though." She yawn stretching and sit wiping her eyes. "I am going."
She get from bed taking boots on legs.
He move away.
"I would not awake you but boys are alone."
"We can stil feel them, we are not so far from home." She stand up taking path to home. "If there was something bad we should feel it."
"Yes but if they wake up alone they will be afraid that is all what I am saying" He smile to her. "Did you saw their eyes?"
"I don't know what you mean? Whats wrong with their eyes?" She looks at him not understanding.
"Boys have your and my mix of eyes I saw it when they started to fight for ball."
"You mean they were yellow? I saw it few times too. Albus has more yellow and Turion more black like me."
"Yes I stopped them and eyes back to normal"
"They are growing fast, I think few years and they will even shift into wolfs like us." She turn head to him. "I think they even try to speak with in minds with us, I believe they are already doing that between them."
"I am ready to help them when they shift you have taught me well how to be skin changer and with you by my side they will be just fine."
"Yes we will show them how to live with that..." She nods. "We are shifters for long, we know how to raise others."
He smile walking slowly by her touching their hands.
She looks at their hands then at him and then at path, not saying anything, going first on stairs up to house.
He follow her up going to kitchen.
"Will you look at boys but if I feel good they still sleep."
"I am going to look at them, can you get them dinner, they need to eat and continue sleeping after." She goes to children room, lightly touching Albus shoulder. "Wakey wakey little bird."
"I am right on it" He reorder table taking plates on and forks heating meat and broth cutting salad.
She wake up Turion and take sleepy Albus to her arms, while Turion says he is big boy and he don't need mommy to carry him, but take her hand and walk to kitchen.
He place bowl with salad to table cutting cheese and brad moving away from fire cauldron with broth putting meat aside to warm up.
"Say hallo to you ada sleepy head." She goes with Albus in hands with his head laying on her shoulder to "He is too sleepy, I think I will need to feed him."
"Let me look at him" He touch his forehead moving hair away.
"He is fine, just tired, I can feel it throught bond. He is not ill I checked upon him too."
"No he is not just pretending to get attention dont you?" Boy just giggle holding Allassa tight.
"It's not nice to behave to mommy like this Albus..." She kisses his cheek getting him down next to Turion.
He smile to them taking plates to pour them broth in giving them spoons after that.
"I hope its not too much hot."
"I am big man, I can take it."
"You are only three. You are not like ada(father). He is super old." She looks surprised at Haldir. "Super old?"
"Super old and strong if you want to be strong eat" He smile to them putting hot meat with potatoes on table.
She sit down on her chair watching them eat.
"Turion, stop playing with your food and eat or you never grow up, you will stay little like this."
"REALLY?" He start eat faster.
"Love, not so fast, take it slow or you choke."
"Eat like us slow but eat all enjoy in food like you enjoy in playing with ball or with dog" He look at Allassa for support.
"Your ada is right, your meal is not your plaything, it is something that keep you alive and it is tasty so eat."
He continue to eat and when they ate all he put to boys meat and potato cutting all so they can eat it easy. "Your nana(mother) will put you cheese or salad?"
"Salad would be better for night." She get them salad. "Alrigh continue eating, I will go to prepare beds for you." She turn at Haldir as she stand up. "Take them to bathroom and then to me, so we can get them to sleep."
He remove plates his and Allassa's moving meat and rest of it when boys finished he took them to bathroom preparing them for bed. He got them up in arms and bring them to nana. Getting back to clean kitchen.
She get them into bed under blanket sitting down in chair singing to them for good night, caressing their hairs, watching as they one after other close eyes and fall asleep.
"Sleep well my little loves."
Haldir clean all even wash dishes putting fire out washing quickly in bathroom and leave to their room putting on light shirt and pants and wait in bed.
She went after half a hour to their bedroom, change already to her sleeping gown and goes on her side of bed.
"They fallen asleep, so we can rest till morning if nothing happens."
"I hope nothing will happen they are good for now." He stay on his side. "Good night Allassa rest well"
"Good night Haldir." She turn back to him, curling in ball and goes to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Allassa
Today, after three years our wolves can meet. They lead us to secluded area, where were elves training their hunting dogs and got each other on one side of fence, teeling us to shift in cottage that was on each half and let our wolves rule our minds. Haldir goes first, while I was taking my time, preparing my wolf for seeing her mate after this long time. I heared as Haldir shifted and wait a while longer, then take off my clothes and shift too, immediately my wolf taking over my mind. I walked, or should I say she, walked from secure cottage looking at laying white wolf on other side of fence. She sniffed in air, his scent telling her this is someone she know. She bark at him to get his attention, slowly walking towards fence.
He lift head and run to her to his part of cage barking walking in line of it.
She sit down, watching him and sniffing in air to be sure it is him, she stand up, walking to fence and carefully sniff with her neck reached towards him, her tail slowly wagging.
He stand still letting her to see that this is really him wagging his tail fast.
She make whimpering sound licking her muzzle making final steps to fence, barking at him.
He barck back at her putting paw on fence.
She goes to him sniffing his paw licking what she can, her tail wagging more, she start jumping next to fence, trying to get over it, turning around aftet her tail, making few circles like that.
He took fence in his teeth trying to brake it to go to her.
She stop playing with her tail and bark at him, starting to dig in ground.
He start to dig from his side to help her growling on fence that is on his way.
She stop digging as she hear someone come to her, she turn her head to see elf guard there, she pick up her ears watching him slowly wagging her tail, she knows this one, he was guarding her all years she was alone.
He lift his head full of dirt and stop dig looking at elf he bark and sit.
Elf went to Allassa petting her head, scratching her behind ears.
" Wolf in there?" Elf asked.
She title her head and get one paw on his elbow licking his face.
"Hey I didnt want a kiss girl."
White wolf look at them barking and walking up and down.
She turn her head at him standing back from elf going to fence and start jumping again trying to get to white wolf.
"Alright, come Allassa." Elf call she wolf and as she come he give her collar and lead her from fence away as another guard comes to Haldir with another collar in his hands.
"Come on Haldir, be good and get this on, I will take you to your wife wolf." Other guard said.
Haldir lick elfs hand and stand still so elf can put collar on him and take him to his mate.
They lead them on different parts of woods, elf taking down her collar petting her head.
"Go find Haldir, you are good girl, now run." Elf wait till she shake her fur and trott inside of wood, smelling air, then sit and howl.
As elf let Haldir go he run to her direction sniffing ground where she pass he howl and run to her when she answered.
She turn hearing him running she run towars him happily stopping as she collide into him, her tail wawing fast as she shiff his cheek and neck greeting him.
He lick her muzzle and ears growling playfuly. 'Missed you'
She stand up on back legs hugging him with front paws. ´Mate. Mate. Mine.´ She bite him in ear pulling it.
He lower head pulling getting one paw on her. 'Wanna play?'
'Too long without mate, too long without play.´ She get her fron legs down, lowering herself calling him to play, sprinting away. ´Chase.´
He bark and run for her bumping on her side. 'Play mate play'
She turn head trying to bite him in neck, turning herself and jumping on him, taking him down biting into his fur on neck growling playfully.
He turn and put her down holding her down lightly with front paws licking her all over her muzzle.
She bite into his leg shaking her head to side and other side, letting him go and clack her jaws before his muzzle.
´Were long without mate, happy with mate, don't want to be without mate again. She elf sad too.´
'My mate' He lick her side of face. 'He elf in mess but care for her every day more'
´Took care of her, they wont let me out for time, but when they do I try to find you and when no mate, I let her be wolf.´ She lick his muzzle turning herself back to all legs shaking fur.
'I called for her but no you I just take care of him and let him came back' He shake leaves from fur and dirt.
She goes to him nudging her head on his neck and back, rubbing her side on his. ´They not mated for years, they got us chained on heat, I want mate mate.´
He lick her muzzle few times and sniff her side and back legs.
'He afraid to try anything ashamed of his weak body'
'She have problems to sleep in one bed with him near, too much need in her, she leave to go to sleep away and make her release herself by hands. She think he does not love her.´ She turn her head to him. ´Not in heat.´
'I can try to push him' He lick his muzzle. 'He afraid and ashamed she must try firs'
She turn to him and sit down looking at him.
´I let her be. Its their fight, not mine. I am happy I have mate back.´
He bark in support letting elf back.
She watch him then goes back in her mind. ´Haldir?´
'Yes I am with you wolf just back away'
´Mine too. I still feel her happiness in me.´
'I feel his too why we are not happy as them?'
She looks sadly away, walking towards home.
´You are not happy with me, what other purpose I have then in our house than caring for children?´
'I do just...I am afraid to touch you to undress in front of you help me' He look at her walking close to her.
´How can I help you Haldir? I am doing everything that is in my powers to not scare you away, to make you comfortable around me. We bath in turns, we change in turns, I can't remember when I saw you naked, even in hot summer you wear tunic and underwear to bed. Are you so ashamed of your body? Look at me, I am skinny too, but they let me train for few hours everyday before healing, so I get my muscles back at some point.´ She look at him and then at path before her. ´You had eating problems, its normal you look like you look.´
'Yes I am ashamed. I hear you over night crying and leaving to help yourself. I want you but I am afraid of your reaction when you see me'
She stay silent, ashamed that he knows she leaves their bed in night, that she can't sleep with him in there.
He lick her ear rubbing his head on hers leading her home.
She goes into house first, to her room to shift back to elf form, taking dress and walks to bathroom to clean herself.
"I will go back for our clothes in that yard tomorrow as I go from healing!" She calls at him.
He run into bathroom shifting back in front of her helping her fill tub.
"You know you don't have to force yourself to run around me naked." She throw him towel. "I can feel how uncomfortable it makes you."
He came to her and kiss her to shut her speaking feeling her hot breath and soft lips.
She lay her hands on his chest pressing him away from her. ´Stop it!´
"Why? You don't want me?" He look at her afraid and sad.
"I don't want you like this." She shakes her head turning away from him.
He lay hand on her back.
"Touch me help me let my feelings to you? At least let me help you bath?"
"I can do it without your help." She held edge of tub in her hands trying to calm her panic. "Just take bath and go for boys to Neume, you know Orophin hates when I get in his house." She watch into water not turning to him.
He look in floor standing behind her.
"I will go for them" He move in bath standing he clean his legs and arms first.
She turn and walk out from room to her own, closing doors and lean her back on them, breathing hard.
"I can't... I just can't."
Haldir dry his skin letting water to go dressing in clean tunic and pants knocking on her door.
"Allassa I will go to take boys."
She jump as she get scared she didnt feel him coming.
"Fine, I will go wash." She reply waiting for him to leave and go to bathroom washing herself.
He sigh leaving house to get boys home finding Neume on half way.
"He my darlings were you good?"
They run to him tellig one over second what they played with aunt Neume.
"How did it go Haldir? Did your wolves were good?" Neume asked
"Yes more then good I can say" He hug children holding them up. "After they let us back they were very happy."
"That is good sign, they can help you two to be normal again, you said they were helping you normally, so now is good time for that." Neume looks at him more better.
"Something happened, I can see it on your face."
"I kissed her. And she want me but not like this. I am confused and afraid I know I look awful." He look away from her smiling to boys letting them play with Silvana who came with him.
"We spoke about this many times Haldir, you look how you look and you can't help it, you were sick. Did you think about Galadriels proposal to return on your post as marchwarden? Periodical training will only help you, it helped Allassa even when she can't use weapons, only train that fighting arts of hers. You need to feel more confident in you. And she must be confused somewhat. I know she love you." Neume said.
'My feelings are coming back but I am not confindent in myself as before. I will decide tomorrow what to do. I have my bow back to train."
"Training will free your mind. I will go back, Orophin is waiting for dinner. Take care of yourself and of your boys, Haldir." Neume smile at him and wave to boys, turning to go back.
"Bye. Come you two." He took them in his arms. "Your mother will be happy to see you both."
They squeel happily holding on his neck.
"Aunt Neume get us good cake, can naneth(mother) make us sometime too cake?" Turion asked.
"If you ask her nice she will do that for you my love" He put them down as they got in house. "Go both to your mother."
Allassa walks from her room as they run into her, hugging her legs.
:"Hey my birds, carefully, we don't want to fall down." She caresses their heads looking lovingly at them. "Were you two good to aunt Neume?"
Turion ate all cake nana." Albus said.
"No, Albus did!" Turion replied.
Haldir looked at them from doorway.
"You're so cute all three of you."
'You are the one who are missing here." She smile a little at him as she looks from boys to him.
Haldir rise hands.
"Then come all three and give me your hug."
"Run to you ada." She nudge boys as they run to Haldir happilly, Allassa slower following them.
He laugh holding them.
"Come mate group hug."
She takes rest of steps and hug him lightly feeling nervous.
He hug her with free hand laughing and sending good feelings to her.
She looks up to him holding Turion with hand on his back.
"This feels like family."
"Because we are one family you feel how much we love you."
"Yes, I do."
"I feel it too nana!" Turion said.
"Yes my bird, you do."
"I do too!" Albus added.
She looks at Haldir.
"See even our three years old sons feel it."
"You two small angels of mine and yours" He look at Allassa.
She smile at him her nervousness went away as she feels only love for them.
"Yes, our little angels." She caress Turions head.
"Alright angels now you first go to bath then to eat are you hungry or Neume feed you?"
"We had cake. It was good." boys said.
"Yes nana should make us sometime too. With red berries!" Allassa smile down at them, taking their hands and go to bathroom.
"I will if you two will be good. Haldir." She turn at him. "Come help me with them."
Haldir nod following them as she undress them he fill tub.
"So who will be first or you will go together?"
Allassa:"We take them together, it will be better." She takes Albus in tub and then Turion. "Stay still... I will wash your hairs."
He wash Albus as she wash Turion.
"WOW easy you two we had bath we don't need new one."
"Looks like they decided to have water fight. Turion stay still or you will cry as shampoo get in your eyes again." She shakes her head getting bowl with water and wash his head.
"Come on boys be good or you will be tired like when you play with me and fall asleep on the way to your room."
Turion splash Haldir with water laughinh happily as Albus do it to Allassa.
"Oh no, stop you two!"
"You two really need water fight but not here maybe tomorrow in river"
"Yes that is good idea. So stop, your ada and nana are all wet like you. Or we won't take you out tomorow." They stopp and let them wash them.
"Well that was fast obeying" He wash boy taking shampoo from him. "Come up to dry you and dress."
She takes Turion out, drying him and get him in pyjamas, taking him in arms getting him to bed.
He put Albus next to him.
"There home where you belong"
Albus takes Turions hand in his and hold him as Allassa sing to them, both falling asleep in while, she put blanket over them kissing their foreheads.
"Now I need to change too, I am all wet."
"I will leave you change and wait for you in room if I am still welcome?"
"It is my room as it is yours, I can't forbid you from there." She walks out untying bindings on her corsage on way.
"I ask you do you want me near you because I want you"
She turn her head to him.
"That's weird, because just few hours ago you werent interested at all." She get in their room going to bed, taking night gown from her pillow, turning her back to him and get dress down.
"I was. I am afraid and not that confidant as before but my feelings are coming back" He look at her then away entering room.
"So you just make test to see if you feel it right? I won't be playing role in that." She get light dress reaching to her middle of thigs on her, getting down her panties and get clean one.
"It is not like that how you don't understand I feel all again back mixed in mess pain love agony its all in my chest killing me."
She dress herelf up looking at him over her shoulder.
"What do you want from me Haldir? I mean it, what do you want? Even if I give you what you want, there still will be pain or guilt or agony and it only hurts me and you in end."
"I just want to be near to hug you and speak with you without wall between us." He sigh. "I will accept Galadriels offer to be march warden again it training will bring to life my body."
"Yes do that, it is better than to be here doing nothing, only helping with children, I can take care of them while you go back." She nods at him going to table with mirror and take brush to hair.
"Yes obviously that would be for the best."
She nods at him only, brushing her hair.
"Do you want to braid them for night? I could use help."
He got up and stand behind her.
"How you want it all in one big braid?"
"No, take only from up and braid it, rest I will let free, if I have one braid I wouldnt sleep well." She get him brush watching him in mirror.
He brush her hair taking part of her hair and braid it as she wanted brushing rest of hair down.
"Done"
"Thank you." She look away taking brush from him laying it on table staying sitting on chair.
He go back and lay in bed on his side close to wall.
She stand up, blowing lights down, going to bed and lie down on her side turning to him.
"You look like cornered animal, why don't you lie normally?"
He move a bit his back from wall but without touching her body with his.
She roll her eyes and move to him slowly cuddling to his front.
"Is this alright?"
"Since when you want me close to you?" He look down to her. "Last time you pushed me away why change now?"
She loks up at him.
"You know what, I tried. But I can't go like this any more." She lean back sitting. "I will go to children and sleep there." She turn going from bed.
"So it is forbbiden for me to ask? When I try to be close to you I am pushed away. I just don't understand."
"You forced yourself on me Haldir and you scared me with that. One moment you look like I will murder you, and other you are all over me. I just... I dont know how far I can go like this. I feel you, all you and I dont know what to think, you love and are afraid of me at one moment..."
"I can't lie it is like that. On one moment I want you but when you push me away I have no force to try again and I am afraid" He sit on bed leaning back to wall hugging his knees on his chest.
"I just don't know who of us is more damaged." She sit down on edge of bed looking to room with back to him. "You know, Albus once asked me, why we don't kiss and hug like others parents..." She take her head in hands. "I just didn't know what to say to him, he is three years old and look what questions he have."
"He asked me that too asked why I don't love you? Why we look sad together and pretend to be happy while he is awake. I told him that we do love each other but we have a lot of tasks to do and we are sometime tired so that he just didnt look well."
"Even our children noticed there is something wrong... What will we do Haldir? I don't want them suffer because of me."
"I wan't us back I want my family. Its been year since we were together as wife and husband.We didnt even try to be every try is just blown away."
"And that before year was just because we were drunk and after that we felt guilty as hell, I don't want to go throught that again."
He sigh laying head on knees.
"We are not going to feel better aren't we?"
"I don't know Haldir. I really don't know. We push each other away even when we love other. I just... I can't live like this for longer." She shakes head letting tears fall on her cheek still turned to him by back.
He kneel behind her and hug her.
"I don't know how to fix us its just don't want to work no matter what I do."
She close eyes leaning back into him, laying her hands on his.
"I want you back, I want perfect family life.. but we have too many issues."
He hug her tight on him sliding his hands over her belly digging his face in her hair and neck.
"I want that too. Boys are perfect we just need to work on ourselves."
"First we need to work is fear from each other... to stop being afraid. I know you hate how you look, but I don't mind."
"I will look better when I start with practice as march warden. But my arms are stronger and shoulders you can feel that under your touch."
"I know even when I don't touch you that much. And your mind will be on ease too when you got something different to do." She turn to him looking to his eyes. "I will stay here tonight."
He look her in eyes moving her hair on back caressing it.
"I will also shift more to train my muscles and you can with me. I learned how to catch fishes" He smile.
:"Catch fishes with your hands? That could be funny to watch." She wipe her eyes.
"No like wolf with mouth" He growl tickling her neck with nose and lips.
"Again.." She whisperclosing eyes and move head to side showing more on her neck. "... growl again."
He move her hair more now only touching her with lips while strong growl rising from his chest.
She shiver.
"This is so familiar to me... I can't get enough." She touch his shoulder with her forehead.
He lay her head on his shoulder and caress her hair.
"We are like two broken pieces of one whole"
"Hmmhm..." She nods. "... we just need way to get together again, to mend in one." She hug him around waist.
He kiss her ear.
"I hope we shall."
"That tickled." She giggle looking up at his lips licking hers.
He smile looking her in eyes.
"Too gently? Maybe I should press more."
She look in his eyes too.
"I don't want you to be scared again Haldir. And I dont want to push you in this."
"You didn't I kissed you because I wanted to. I am fine"
"Are you... ?" She smirk at him kissing his jawline. "But you scared me with that attack after all talk we had I pushed you into it."
"You saw for yourself you push me I push you and all ends bad. We should try bit by bit. For us and for this family."
"When it comes to children, we are good... but between us... catastrophe." She lie on his shouder and chest by her side just sitting there.
He turn her to lay down with him face to face touching their noses. We should try harder to do something about it.
"I tried while ago and it didnt go that well, remember?"
"I just wanted to know why. Not to scare you away. We are trying even now we are so close to each other I can feel your breath your hands on me."
She caress his side stopping when he says this.
"Am I making you uncomfortable? Tell me if yes, we need to speak with each other, that should be good start."
"No I like your touch" He kiss her cheek pressing her more on him. "How you feel this close to me?"
"Safe. Happy, but little insecure, I don't know how you react to me." She trail her nose on his. "But I like to be this close to you."
"Then you're not alone in this. I am afraid that one wrong move will scare you away."
"Then we need to stop making wrong moves." She caress his side going up on hand to shoulder and neck.
"I want you back."
He run his hand under her sleeping shirt to feel her skin under his hand.
"I want you too. To be part of my life as before."
She caress his cheek with her thump, her hand still on side of his neck.
"I am here and I won't leave till our boys and you will need me."
"I will always need you." He hold her side and kiss her lips. "I will always need my mate and love my children."
She press her lips to his more holding his head by her hand.
He enjoy in her lips kissing her slowly and with passion caressing her back under shirt.
She moan into his lips softly, opening her lips for him, trailing her hand from his neck to his hair and back.
He slowly turn her on back getting on top of her.
"Are you sure you want me?"
"I am sure from day I fallen in love with you." She touch his cheek lovingly. "Question is, do you still want me? After all I did?"
He kiss her inside of palm.
"Yes I want you. I would not bother to work out with you if I don't want you."
"Well you can always say that you do it because of our sons." She lift her head pecking his lips. "You have no idea how lonely I am even when we were laying next to each other."
"You will kill our desire with talk. But to answer you I could say that but I would not sleep by your side and I would find another to warm me up. But I need you only you only dead I will stop loving you."
She smile at him lovingly caressing his cheek again.
"I love you. I always will. I can wait forever for you to come to me again."
He kiss her lips again pulling with teeth ribbon on her shirt.
"Listen its raining outside"
She stop moving turning head to window listening.
"Yes it is... light spring rain." She turn head back to him colliding with his lips, she kiss him slowly.
He pull her lower lip smiling.
"I can close window if you feel cold?"
"No, don't. I like it. And I like what you do to me." She takes his lips to hers sucking on them.
"I didn't even started to have you. Sleeping every night so close but so far from you afraid to touch you.To ask for this beautiful body to slide against mine."
"And I chose better to run when my need for you was too strong and help myself elsewhere... all I had to do was turn around and let you have me. But... I felt your disgust with yourself. I just... hoped you will make first step and when it didn't come, I thought you dont want me."
"I was confused and when I hear you over night crying or helping yourself. I thought that you really are disgust bu my look. I am but a shadow from my old self."
"You can look whatever you like.. I still see you. My mate, my love, elf I started to love all those decades ago. And I still want you as I wanted you then." She took his head between her hands ravishing his mouth with hers.
He push tongue inside exploring her mouth caressing her belly finding her breast and massage her gently.
She breath out in his mouth and shiver from pleasure, dancing with her tongue around his.
He let her lips and kiss her neck sucking on pulse teasing her with lips and tongue.
She moan louder this time, caresing his sides under shirt going to scratch his back letting through bond to him feeling how much she long for him.
He went with his lips to her ear.
"Shhh...we don't want boys up now don't we?" He suck her ear feeling finally happy near her.
"I cant help it, you know I can be loud." She bite her lower lips arching against him in back as bow kissing skin where she can rech.
He smile to her caressing her sides he took off his shirt.
She lift her head and kiss his collarbone.
"You need to get muscles back like I did with training." She look up at him "You are still beautifull my love."
He caress her head.
"You can count my ribs. I will train again to bring to life this body."
She trails her finger over his ribs.
"Should I count them now?" She smile at him.
He laugh.
"If you want to learn more about bones go for it."
"I think I learned about anatomy enough while I was trying to get pregnant and heal." She lift head to his ear and whisper to him. "I can count them with lips and tongue to make sure you have all in you."
He turn his head to her ear.
"That sound good you should try that."
"I will." She push him from her turning him on his back and kneel above him, leaning down and trail with tongue over his chest licking nipples and lightly bite on his ribs. "One.." She bite again. "two..." Bite. "Three.."
He giggle.
"That tickle. I hope all ribs are there" He laugh when she bit more.
She smirk going to his other side making same there too.
"I think you have all you should." She kneel back, taking night gown down and lie on him fully.
He hug her on him caressing her back and kiss her in hair.
"Good when all is in order"
She growl in agreement and suck on his side of neck lightly biting him there.
"You are skin and bones my love."
He sigh
"I know body that you loved is gone."
"I dont love body, I love you." She bite his collarbone lifting herself on hands to be above his face kissing him.
He kiss her back holding one hand on her side other in her hair.
"I love you too your soul and heart. Even your head strong mind."
"I dont have strong mind Haldir.. I was strong too much and look how it ended..." She trail kisses on his jaw line to his ear teasing him there with teeth and tongue.
"At least you fight. I wanted quick end. Not thinking at all what will happen after... children alone you sick."
"That was really idiotic idea... you scared me so much that time...I wanted to kill you myslef after." She say to his ear sucking on it.
"Something broke in me. Why didnt you? You didn't have to save me. I was ready to die when you wanted to go with boys and brake our bond again."
"I was ready to do it, yes, so I can have full control of power that our sons hold. But I don't want that anymore, I know they are safe here."
"We must be careful with them and their powers so they wont get in trouble like you."
"Me? Oh please, I am waking trouble.." She smile at him caressing his sides tickling him when she goes to ribs.
"Yes you are but they need strong hand they cant go around and act like you and me" He twist when she tickle him.
She sit on his lower belly and continue tickling him.
"Well they have someone to lead them throught it. We didnt have that most of time."
"Ah...no please stop" He twist and laugh under her.
"Why should I? I didn't have fun like this for years with you." She continue tickling him, having little fight in end.
"We didnt have since we got boys. And how could we? You could even have peace while you give birth."
"Don't remind me of that, I still feel how I nearly lost Turion..." She stop tickling him looking down. "That orc attack was just start of things that came."
"I was afraid that you will die. Is that wrong to say but I wanted to Neume save you first and children if can I put you on first place."
"And I wanted to save child first, myself after, the little one, or ones, but I didnt know there were two, was more important thing to me in that time."
"I wanted you. Now I want you all and I will protect all three."
"You have me and you have our sons. We are one family and this wont change." She goes down to him kissing him softly.
He kiss her back.
"Mhhh you know what I was thinking about? To turn my room into room for our other son."
"Other son? We didnt even had sex and you think of getting me pregnant?"
"No I mean on Turion or Albus.This room that they are in can be for one and mine for other when they grow up they will need privacy don't you think?"
"Yes thats true, but what if we will have more children? I can give up my room too and get all things here into bedroom now, when we are back together.. I think it is good idea, yes, you should do that, but when are they older, now they are too small."
"Yes they are small now not now latter when they grow up. I didn't think to have more children. Do you want more? Are you able to have more? Or better question how your mind will react on third child?"
"I don't know, I didnt think about this,I just told it without thinking. Forget it."
We will speak about that when time come. I wanted something more to ask you. But I cant remember it now. Now...Were were we?" He smirk turning her down. "Ah yes tickling" He start to tickle her with lips and hair all over her belly and sides.
"Hey!" She squeel twisting herself trying to get from his hold. "Look who got all domimnant now."
"This is how we got close. You tickled me when we met in Mirkwood." He kiss gently her lips and jaw line.
"So you are repeating it to get close again?" She rub her cheek on his lips. "I remember first hunt with you, it seems ages ago."
"Yes it looks like other life.And when I remember it I wonder who we were then and who we are now? And you were poor against that spider he almost got you."
"I hate spiders... and I thought that time that I am really good in fight and that I can take care of all for myself, just because I got from my father alone. I was young and stupid."
"You still are." He laugh looking over her to window. "Its storming outside boys will be here shortly if this get worse."
"I can already feel them waking up... looks like I need to get my gown back on me." She looks up at him kissing his cheek. "Maybe its better to wait for more... to get used on each other touch and kisses again."
He help her get dressed again kissing behind of her neck when boys run in saying that rain tap weird on their window and light don't let them sleep.
"It is alright my birdies, you are lucky your nana(mother) and ada(father) have this big bed." She smile at them letting them go between her and Haldir laying under blanket, Albus holding on Haldir and Turion on Allassa. "I think this is good night... losto vae."
"Yes my gems good night. Nana will keep you safe and I shall keep her safe. losto vae" He cover them with fur and hug boy closing eyes to sleep.
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Allassa and Haldir