Adult-FanFiction.org : Lord of the Rings

Unanswered prayers	By : Nuredhel Category: -Multi-Age > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 2298 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings, it belongs to Tolkien, and i do not earn any money from this work of fiction, it is solely written for entertainment and not for profit at all.I do not own Lord of the Rings, it belongs to Tolkien,

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
Last chapter folks; This is the last part of this story and it is a bit bittersweet, a happy ending in some ways and yet not. But that’s life, and to achieve something other things will almost always be lost. Hope you have enjoyed this tale anyhow.
Chapter Nine : The fawn and the leaf

She had never been more proud of him then she was right there and then, he stood before the gathered crowd and told them almost everything, told of the darkness that had possessed his very mind and soul and the terrible effects it had had on both him and his wife. It took a lot of strength to do that, and not the least courage. But he managed, even though he was crying so everybody could see it and shivered like a leaf in high winds. When he was done there was a strange silence, nobody spoke but many came up to him, touched his hand, whispered soft words of understanding and encouragement and he still wept. He had gotten the load of his chest and looked as if it had been a relief, a cleansing and now the people knew why he had acted the way he had.
Gandalf were still a bit worried but he was hiding it brilliantly and Thranduil was beside himself with gratitude. He wanted to show it too but Gandalf told him that the knowledge that the king now was much better was reward enough. Vanima was grateful too, she still felt nervous around him but that was just out of habit and she tried as hard as she could to break it. He would never behave like that again and so she tried to relax and accept the affection and gratitude he seemed to almost shower her with. It took some days before they managed to get an overview of the situation though, he was still a bit overwhelmed by what they had showed him and he sometimes would retract into his own thoughts again but he didn’t snap or turn nasty when this happened. He just got sad and he accepted her attempts to comfort him and lead his mind away from it all. He still doubted himself, felt guilty and scarred by his experiences and he also felt unworthy of her care and compassion. She tried to convince him of the opposite but it was tough on her, she would still wince if he tried to touch her in any way and then his eyes would get so hurt and sad and her heart was bleeding for him.
Gandalf and Lindir left after a few weeks, Vanima had noticed that the young minstrel had gotten very accustomed to the palace life and he seemed to be very reluctant to leave. She had a suspicion as to why, there were some gossip being spread and her chamber maidens could tell her that the minstrel had learned more than just old folk songs, there were several ellith there who were most pleased with his performances. Thranduil did give Gandalf a farewell gift, a very beautiful dagger which had belonged to his father and the wizard seemed to be very fond of the gift. Vanima missed the Istari right away, she was afraid that Thranduil would relapse but she hoped that it would be ok. He would not be back to normal right away but it would happen eventually. He was very occupied with the plans for a new palace and during that summer they did find some possible sites. Vanima was glad he had this to occupy his mind, he was so eager and his eyes were shining and he would tell her of all his plans when they were alone together. He had a youthful joy filling his very soul and it made her very happy to see it.
He still had nightmares but now they were just dreams, not visions and they were not happening that often. She had one confession to make, and it was a hard one. She was still afraid of him cheating on her for some reason, she had some of her servants keeping an eye on him but he never sought out any females again and she was very relieved. He would be very careful when he tried to touch her, always asking if he was allowed to hug her or just touch her hand and slowly their relationship returned to what it had been before the war.
The trust was slowly returning and she started to feel a bit more safe around him. There was a new maturity growing within him now, he was a more sad elf but also more balanced and his decisions were always very well thought of and wise.
He went away with a team of his best counsellors to check out the new sites where they could build that new home and he was gone for weeks. Vanima did miss him, she had to admit this. She missed him terribly knowing how much he had changed and she was so relieved when he returned back unharmed and well she almost wept. Thranduil had checked three sites and the first two had been complete misses. The first cave they had found was way too small and there had been no water present, they could not build a fortress without a good water supply. The next one had water, in fact it had way too much of it. It would flood during the rainy seasons and so it was crossed off the list too. The third one on the other hand was perfect although it would require a lot of work. He was eagerly making plans and drawings and she enjoyed seeing his joy.
He still felt unworthy of affection and love and doubted himself but it got better, although slowly. They all did whatever they could to raise his self-esteem and confidence and it appeared that the palace project was exactly what he needed. He was so busy he never had time to sit down and think that much and it was what he needed. The winter was a mild one that year and there was much feasting and merry making and Vanima was enjoying herself. The artisans were already busy with the preparations for the new palace and sometimes she would be involved in hour long discussions about the different solutions available. It was stimulating and fun and she enjoyed it a lot, it made him laugh and relax and they got closer every day. But he was still reluctant in some ways, he never spoke of it but she understood that he somehow felt stained, dirty even. He would spend a lot of time in the baths and she feared that he had gotten disgusted by his own body and the way he felt that it had betrayed him. He was almost punishing himself and she did notice that he sometimes soiled his sheets in his sleep but he never tried to seek release in any way.
He would no longer tried to pull her close to him just to feel her near and she had no idea of how she would make him understand that he was the same as he always had been. He should not be ashamed of himself, but the doubt seemed to have gotten a very strong grip on him.
Then one evening in very early spring one of the hunters returned to the palace in a hurry, he was carrying a fawn but Vanima had never seen that sort of deer before. It was so big, and the fur darker than normal. The hunter told them that he had found it orphaned by a bear that had killed the mother and he didn’t have the heart to kill the little one. Thranduil was shocked to see it, this type of deer or elk was very rare and they grew to become huge beasts with enormous antlers.
There was a bestiary in the library and they had to check it to find the name of the animal, the wise called it a megaloceros and suddenly they were a bit worried, how were they to care for the fawn?
Thranduil sat down trying to pet it and the fawn instantly tried to suckle his nose, he had to laugh and the small animal just walked right into his arms and Vanima saw it, how he melted completely. “Vanima, we cannot let this little one die, we have to help him.”
She smiled and sat down too, saw the pleading expression in his eyes and nodded. “Of course not, but how?”
Thranduil got onto his feet and the fawn began running after him, as if he was the mother. The elves present all smiled and Thranduil blushed ever so slightly. “Does anyone know how to feed such a creature?”
One of the ellith came forth, she had a soft smile upon her face. “Try goats milk, and he needs to be fed often but not much at a time. I think the stable master has a nursing bottle that you may use.”
Thranduil made a grimace. “Goats milk? Where in the name of Morgoth do we get that?”
Vanima cocked her head. “The human village close to the river where it meets the lake has some goats, you could send someone to buy a couple?”
Thranduil immediately grinned and nodded, ran off and got hold of one of the guards who was sent away with a pouch of silver and the order to buy two good goats. And so one of the farmers living by the river was shocked to find an elf standing outside of his hut with a very tired horse held by the reins and a polite question on his lips. The elf got two goats and the farmer wondered if the elf knew what he was getting himself into because goats can be rather infernal creatures and without a huge herd they can be destructive as hell.
Thranduil was thrilled when the guard returned with the goats, the ellon was swearing and cursing like a sailor since the animals had come up with all sorts of mischief on the way back home and Vanima immediately told the carpenter to build a very solid place for them in the stable. She knew that goats could be very sly and cunning and great lovers of mischief and trouble. An elleth taught them how to milk the goats and then they tried to make the fawn suckle and at first it refused but Thranduil was patient and gentle and soon enough the small animal was drinking eagerly. Vanima had hardly ever seen a more weird sight, the king of Greenwood sat in a stall in his robes, on a thick layer of clean straw holding a fawn while he gently sang a lullaby to it and made it drink from a bottle.
It was very cute and heartwarming and she suddenly realized that this was exactly what he needed, something or someone who relied upon him as a person, not as a king. The fawn didn’t care if he carried a crown, all it needed was to be cared for and Thranduil seemed to forget his own problems completely. Vanima told herself that this was going to be his own project, she would not intervene at all. Thranduil proudly proclaimed that the fawn was to be called Laman and it made Vanima protest since it meant just animal but the name stayed. The fawn was very weak and fragile and had to be fed every second hour and so they started a long and tedious task that would take weeks to complete.
Thranduil never forgot about his little fawn, he would go to the stable every second hour and Vanima knew that he opened his heart completely to the innocent little creature, he would tell the fawn of all the things that bothered him and the small animal never judged him or did anything else than accept the care he was given. The king would go to the stable even in the middle of the night to feed the fawn and everybody thought that it was so very kind of him and very sweet too. Vanima saw something else too, she saw how caring he was, how gently he treated the fawn and knew that he probably would become a terrific father one day. He had such patience and there was so much gentleness in those large hands when he was massaging the fawns legs and making it stand up to build its strength.
The goats were a menace and Vanima didn’t know how many times she and the other ellith had to chase the two ravenous herbivores out of the herbal garden, the flowers of the small park, the infirmary, the main hall, the throne room… And they ate everything! One of them actually had a go at the huge heavy sheets covering the thrones when they were out of use and it almost choked itself on the fabric that was both heavy and slick.. Luckily one of the guards did the animal version of the Heimlich manuvre and saved the beast from an unpleasant death. Thranduil saw the ruined sheets and mumbled something about “Roast goat” but he did nothing about it. Soon they realized that the only way to control the two rascals were to keep them tied up and having someone follow them around as if they were dogs. Some elflings got that job and they loved it and the gardener could take a deep sigh of relief, his precious plants were saved.
One night Vanima woke up and found his half of the bed empty, she got on a robe and staggered into the stable just to check on him and found the king asleep in the straw with the fawn sleeping peacefully next to him. It was such a lovely scene and she just stood there for a while, admiring the sight. She then took a horse blanket and gently covered them up before she went back to bed, yes, he had a very soft heart and she knew that this would cleanse him of the last of the poison that had infected his mind.
The fawn did grow, and it got boisterous and playful and Thranduil would take it out of the stall and let it play in the courtyard and he would run and laugh and enjoy himself. Vanima felt as though she was staring at an elfling sometimes, not a grown ellon but it really warmed her heart to watch this and everybody was so fond of the small animal even if it by then had learned to beg shamelessly. It was especially fond of caramels and the elflings were spoiling it completely, it didn’t help that the stable master tried to make them understand that it wasn’t good for the little thing. They still had to feed the fawn several times a day but it didn’t need food that often anymore and it had started eating other things too. It was wild about the oats the horses got and the grooms had to hide the sacks so the fawn didn’t eat itself to death. It also liked carrots and apples and it started to grow at an alarming speed.
The silvan were telling them that the animal would grow to the size of a very huge horse and it was a buck so it would have some impressive antlers too when it matured. Vanima had a strange suspicion, Thranduil would sometimes stare at the elk and grin and she just could not believe that he thought of taming it and using it as a horse but then again, he was a bit crazy still. Laman was very docile and gentle and it never kicked or tried to hurt anyone but it was proud and disliked being made fun of. The goats learned that they never should try to steal his feed and Vanima also discovered that it enjoyed being groomed. When they stood there with a brush each and worked on the shiny coat the elk just rolled his eyes with pleasure and got annoyed if they stopped.
He was the size of a rather large pony when autumn came and he no longer needed to be bottle fed, he didn’t need milk anymore and Thranduil did mention roast goat and barbeque once more but the goats stayed and suddenly someone went and bought a billy too and the king had to sigh and accept that they probably would have a whole herd of these rascals in a few year time. But Vanima laughed and said that if they ever were to encounter an orc problem again they could unleash the goats and then Thranduil laughed so hard he almost fell of his chair.
One evening in late autumn she and Thranduil were busy grooming Laman which by now was following Thranduil everywhere like a dog, a very huge dog by the way. The elk would lay in front of his throne and when people from outside of the realm came to talk to the king they were shocked to see that this strange elk lay there, other kings would perhaps have a wolf hound or something like that by their throne but not Thranduil, no, he had an elk. Vanima tried to reason with him and tell him that by the next spring the animal would be too large but he didn’t listen to her, Laman was his friend and that was the end of that discussion. They were busy brushing away at the soft coat when Laman nudged Vanima so she lost her balance and almost fell. Thranduil caught her before she could hurt herself and lifted her back onto her feet and they just stood there, staring at each other. If an elk could grin that was probably what Laman did. Vanima just stared into his huge blue eyes and saw the softness in them, the longing. Then he leaned forward and kissed her, very gently and carefully and she didn’t resist at all.
She had found that she no longer feared him, the mean and heartless person he had been was no more and perhaps the Valar used Laman as a tool but that little nudge was what it took. This time she wasn’t disgusted by his kiss, she didn’t feel like he was invading her space and she took in his scent and knew that her heart suddenly had room for more. She kissed him back and he gasped and embraced her and they stood there for a long time, just enjoying being close and safe within each-others embrace. Then he bit his lip with a glimpse of mischief in his eyes and took her hand. “I did never get the chance to court you properly back then, may I have your permission now?”
Vanima could only giggle and nod and then he smiled, a smile that lit up the room it seemed and hugged her hard. “Thank you meleth, I will not disappoint you”
She touched his cheek gently with her hand. “You’d better not, because then the she-dragon might return”
He laughed. “Valar protect us”
Laman just continued chewing his hay but there was a strange glimpse in the dark eyes that perhaps was mirth. Vanima didn’t really know what to expect from him, she had never been courted before and she was a bit nervous. The first thing that happened was that she walked into their chambers the next morning to find flowers everywhere. It looked a bit insane but it did move her, he knew her well enough to have gotten her favorites too and Oliel and Losille were shocked and a bit in awe too. It was very obvious to everybody that things were getting better between the king and the queen and many were really happy on their behalf. If their king was content and joyful then their realm too would flourish and the atmosphere was one of hope now. Vanima had to admit that the trick with the flowers was very sweet of him and she was left wondering about what the next thing would be. She wasn’t disappointed, he took her down to the stable under the excuse of wanting her to help him groom Laman but in a stall stood a new horse she never had seen. A stunningly beautiful palomino mare with huge gentle brown eyes and a mane and tails as white as snow and skin like newly made gold coins.
Vanima almost didn’t believe him when he told her that this horse from now on was hers and she felt a bit overwhelmed by this gift. But now she had a horse of her own and they started to go for rides in the woods. Vanima enjoyed that a lot, they had guards with them of course but the guards would stay at a distance to let the couple have at least some privacy and they explored the woods and she started to gradually trust him even more than before. He let her decide many things regarding the new palace and they worked very well together. She often saw solutions to which he was ignorant and the plans became something made by the two of them together.
One evening he surprised her by sneaking out of the palace in the middle of the night and he had her blindfolded so she had no idea of where she was, neither did she know what he was thinking about. They walked for quite a long time and he was leading her by the hand the whole time. When he finally stopped and removed the blindfold she saw a place she never had been to before It was a pond in the forest and it looked rather magical because of the fireflies that were dancing around and the stars stood so clear above the dark canopy of very ancient trees. He had placed a basket with food and wine there and she giggled and felt a bit stupid. She had never been much of a romantic but he obviously was. They sat down on the grass and talked and stared at the skies and she didn’t resist when he kissed her again. One kiss became more and she allowed him to caress her, to touch her skin.
Vanima started to believe that maybe she soon would be able to let him take it to the next level, she was still a bit scared but she knew that he had changed, that he no longer was the same person who had violated her. They just sat there close together, enjoying the moment and sharing their dreams of the future and when they returned to the palace Vanima knew that Teren had been right, she could love again. She lay awake for a while before she went to sleep, she hoped for a long joyful time with him and prayed that the Valar would grant her that.
The spring was very vigorous and now Laman had become so big he was causing some problems, he could not be indoors any longer and so they had a heck of a job keeping the young stag out of the palace. But it soon started to seek out others of its kind and it could be gone for weeks and Thranduil missed it but he didn’t try to prevent it from leaving, it was after all a forest animal and they could not demand that it abandoned its natural life. The palace they were planning were starting to take shape and it was hard work but Vanima could start to see how it one day would look. It would be marvelous and she supported him wholeheartedly and tried to ease his burden as much as she could. He still brought her gifts, beautiful gowns, jewelry and such but the most precious gift of all was his time. She loved spending time with him and they would often sit by the fire and read to each other like they had done when they had just married. He had a weird sense of humor and would laugh at jokes and stories she just found peculiar and he liked to challenge her intellect by reading poems in quenya and other ancient languages to see if she managed to get the subtle nuances of the language. She got him back by telling him riddles and although he often grew a bit frustrated he mostly managed to solve them rather fast.
They would sleep very close together now, curled up like kittens in a basket and Vanima didn’t fear his touch anymore, still he didn’t really make any serious move until one evening when they had been sitting by the hearth reading. He suddenly got up from his chair, walked over to her and kneeled by her chair, grasping her hands and then he started kissing them, gently and carefully. Vanima was a bit confused but she started to feel a heat within that had nothing to do with the fire from the hearth. He moved up her arms, kissing them gently, caressing her skin as if he was worshiping it and she let him do it. She knew it was no point in delaying this, she had regained her trust in him and he needed it, she knew he did. He needed to receive this last proof of her acceptance and love. She knelt down next to him, kissing him and letting her hands roam underneath the fabric of his tunic, exploring warm skin shivering with life and joy.
Before long they were both laying on the huge pelt in front of the hearth, both naked and both caught by a maelstrom of emotions too strong to deny. He was touching her everywhere, so lightly and gently and with such admiration, and every touch made her feel as though her skin was on fire with pure excitement and thrill. She could smell how much he wanted her, but he kept himself under control and never moved forth too fast, he let her set the pace and she allowed her own body to react to him, to awaken and seek its own pleasure. Vanima had never imagined that it could feel that wonderful, that safe and thrilling and at the same time new. She wasn’t afraid at all and enjoyed touching him, just to see how he responded. That she showed initiative and showed curiosity and joy brought him almost to tears with relief and he spent a long time just touching and teasing and teaching her what to do. He actually brought her all the way twice with just hands and tongue and she didn’t hesitate at all when he finally asked her if she would allow him to take her. She didn’t want this wonderful intimacy to end, ever. He was very careful, extremely gentle so he wouldn’t reawaken bad memories and she was shocked by how she now felt. It was so entirely different and she suddenly understood why people liked this so much. She could just cling onto him and whimper as he filled her and brought her to climax again and again. At the end they lay there on the pelt utterly exhausted, very sated and very much in love. The bond that had started to grow between them had been completed and she knew that she now truly was his wife. And the thought made her both humble and proud.
The next morning Oliel found them asleep on the floor and the chamber maiden had to giggle and turn around before she shouted out loud to wake them up. It was very obvious that the two of them now had taken it to a whole new emotional level for they no longer seemed to be able to keep their hands off each other. He would caress her as often as possible, he didn’t care if they were in public and many would smile and nod their heads in approval. The royal couple was blooming and their happiness contagious. The realm did have a sort of a baby boom after the war and there were little ones playing everywhere and Vanima started to feel that deep inner longing again. She could just hope that the Valar would bless them.
The work on the new palace took time, he would often go to the site to control the progress and then she would miss him terribly and when he returned he would spend the better part of a day in their chambers and nobody doubted what they were doing. Vanima had developed quite an appetite for the joys of the bed now, the only thing she didn’t allow him to do was to take her from behind, that released too many memories and so he avoided that sort of situations but otherwise from that she had suffered no ill effects, at least not physically. She never felt as complete as she was when she lay with him and when they slept in eachother’s arms they were perfectly content and safe.
The winter came and went and suddenly one day in spring Laman returned, now with two does both with fawn and he had started to grow an impressive pair of antlers. The animal was huge by now, and Thranduil and Vanima the only ones who were allowed to touch him. And so began a tradition, each spring Laman would bring his does and fawns to the palace to greet the king of the Greenwood and the king would in return ban all hunting of these magnificent beasts. Laman lived for many years and had numerous offspring and when he at the end laid down beneath a great oak never again to awaken Thranduil gathered the magnificent antlers and mounted them on his throne. The sons of Laman would continue the tradition and on some occasions they would allow the king to ride them. The palace underneath the hill was taking shape, it took decades to build and carve and Thranduil was extremely eager to make every little detail perfect. Vanima took great pride in their work as well and she made sure that the surrounding areas had trees which would provide them with fruit and nuts and meadows with herbs and berries.
The greenwood was thriving and so were the other realms as well, it seemed that the days of darkness and fear were long gone and everybody enjoyed it immensely. One day Vanima’s youngest sister and her husband came to visit, uninvited and very suddenly. Vanima suspected foul play right away, this sister of hers were rather quiet and shy, almost without a voice of her own and her husband, who their mother had chosen, the complete opposite. The ellon was bragging a lot about his own accomplishments and his own deeds and he sounded as if the whole of Imladris would fall to pieces without him present. Vanima sent a courier right away to check out the story they were told of the couple just needing a small holiday away from it all. She would never get the truth out of her sister who was too much her husband’s loyal slave to disobey him and too much in love with him to be able to detect any errors or faults in his personality. The courier returned after a week, he had ridden very hard but the news was as Vanima had feared. The couple had been banished from both Imladris and Lothlorien. In Lothlorien her brother in law had managed to insult just about everyone from the high lady herself to the galadhrim warriors and in Imladris he had challenged none other than Glorfindel to a duel, lost with grandeur and accused the famous warrior of cheating afterwards. Elrond had banished the two in fear of otherwise having to deal with a case of kin slaying for the balrog slayer was fuming with anger.
Vanima didn’t reveal that she knew of this, she told Thranduil of course and he did indeed have a wicked streak to him for when the ellon came to him asking for an important job he elegantly gave Vanima’s brother in law the honorable task of becoming their emissary to the dwarven city of Erebor and since the relationship between the elves and the dwarfs were tense at its best the elf left the throne room both pale and furious and yet he could not complain because it was an
important job with lots of prestige. It just wasn’t an easy job nor a pleasant one. Vanima laughed so hard she almost puked afterwards and Thranduil reminded her of an elfling who has committed some sort of prank and gone unpunished. His eyes were sparkling with mischief and joy and she had never loved him more.
The summers were filled with peace and joy now, and there were no dark clouds to cast shadows upon their lives, everybody was happily working at gathering food, training or farming and the realm had a sort of golden age. After many long years of work the new palace was finished and the population moved towards it, many stayed but where they had been but most of the elves were eager to start anew. The palace was perfection, Vanima was very pleased with the result and soon it became a place teeming with life. He had brought the antlers from the old thrones and placed them onto the new one and it looked amazing. Most of the carvings made within the cave mimicked roots and trees and Vanima spent months discovering new details almost every day. The courtly life soon fell into a routine and she was relaxed and content and Thranduil was doing his job extremely well as always. Their new home was a place of light and joy for many years but Vanima had one complaint of which she never spoke. She had started yearning for a child of her own seeing how many of the other ellith who became mothers these years but nothing seemed to happen even if they were trying rather eagerly.
The dark days were just a bad memory now and he was a very attentive and caring husband and she could never find anything to complain about. He could be very boyish at times when they were in private and tease and play and it made her feel young and filled with hope too. After some years she just accepted that the Valar would bless them whenever they saw it fit and she tried to stop thinking about it. Thranduil had of course noticed her longing and he too wanted children of his own but he was more relaxed and didn’t allow it to put stress into his life. The old palace burned to the ground a summer night, struck by lightning and Vanima was glad that they now were safe from that kind of danger. Thranduil often received messages from the other realms telling of how things were changing with time and Vanima often got letters from her own family. They were of course filled with mostly gossip but there were some gems of information hidden within even that.
Vanima had hoped that this their golden age would last forever but alas, it too came to an end. Orcs began appearing again, attacks were becoming ever more frequent and the warriors laid down their tools and picked up their weapons once more. Thranduil was getting worried, the reports were becoming increasingly worrying and when some hunters arrived at the palace having encountered some huge spiders nest she could see that this news made him very grim indeed. They got letters from Lothlorien telling of an increase in orcs along the borders and also Imladris had problems. Lord Elronds wife was attacked and so badly hurt she had to leave for Valinor to survive and Thranduil received that message with a sort of fear Vanima knew too well. He feared for her safety and from now on she wasn’t allowed to go anywhere without several guards. Over the years the forest seemed to darken in some areas in the south and it was spreading as were the spider webs and their sinister occupants.
Vanima had seen spiders before, the palace was full of them and they did a good job catching flies and mosquitos and they were harmless to everyone. But these on the other hand were huge, the size of a pony and very dangerous and they seemed to grow in size every year. The healers were working like mad finding antidotes against their poison and the warriors were encountering these beasts more and more often. Thranduil was becoming increasingly worried, he didn’t let her see it but she knew him well by now. He was trying to keep the realm strong and tried to maintain the good relationships with their neighbors as well but she noticed that they too became affected by the growing darkness.
Thranduil would sometimes go to Erebor just to show his respect, he was always in a bad mood when he returned complaining about the dwarves being a bit too cocky for his liking but then he returned from such a visit and he wasn’t angry, he was scared. Vanima didn’t manage to get anything out of him until they were alone in their chambers and then he told her he had felt something weird when he was inside the dwarf city, a sort of warning. He had noticed that the dwarf king had gotten increasingly obsessed with his treasure and this time the dwarf had downright teased the elves with the gems his people had gathered. Vanima didn’t like the sound of it and Thranduil had felt a dark presence there, something ancient and evil and he feared that the dwarf king would attract the wrong kind of attention if he continued hording like he was. He didn’t elaborate this further but Vanima knew he was right. There was something moving out there, beyond their vision and their reach and she didn’t like it at all.
And then, one day in spring she woke up after a very heated and passionate night and instantly knew that her dream suddenly had come true. She knew her own body and she could sense the fêa of her newly conceived child, a tiny flickering flame of light and life and she almost broke down into tears. She had waited for so long and finally they had heard her prayers. She just lay there in tears and when he woke up he was startled at first, fearing that something was wrong. But when she told him he almost passed out with shock and joy and he was weeping in gratitude and wouldn’t let go of her until she had to tell him she needed to use the bathroom.
It didn’t take more than a couple of days before the entire population knew of the happy news and the queue of elves coming to congratulate the royal couple was long and very merry. Vanima was almost showered with attention and Thranduil started treating her as if she was made from eggshells. That made her a bit angry because she felt strong and she wasn’t even showing yet but he couldn’t help himself. To him she was a miracle and he would lay there at night with his head on her belly and he would often speak to their unborn child and she would giggle and tell him that the baby probably couldn’t hear anything yet.
After a few weeks Vanima started to understand that being pregnant isn’t all cozy and nice, she was getting morning sickness and the weird thing was that so was her husband. He and Vanima had almost a sort of puking contest and Hwan would laugh and tell them that it was because of the very tight bond between them. The father had to put a lot of his strength into the creation of a new fêa and let the mother draw from his light too and so it was just natural that they shared a lot of symptoms. He didn’t like that part of it at all, he was even greener than she was and refused to show himself in public until the nausea had stopped for the day. Vanima would tease him and laugh and he would kiss her and tell her how brave he though she was and she would beam with pride and kiss him back. Their new happiness gave him extra strength, she did notice this. He wanted to create a safe future for their child and he would often tease her and claim that he hoped that they would get a whole bunch of children over time. Vanima had to laugh at his enthusiasm, she had absolutely no plans of ending up like Feanor’s wife Nerdanel with seven sons, that had to have been one very tired elleth indeed.
Vanima was rather preoccupied with the preparations now and she didn’t pay that much attention to the things that were going on outside of the palace. She had sent a letter to her family to tell them the happy news and the answer was polite but also sort of sour, maybe they had hoped that the child less marriage would open an opportunity for any of theirs to get closer to the throne. She spent her time sewing baby clothes and she already knew it was a boy, she remembered what Galadriel had told her and what she had seen and she was scared. She feared that the things she had seen told her of a dark fate for herself and so she tried as best as she could to show Thranduil as much love as possible. She never told him of her fear and he was just so very happy and caring and they were closer than ever before now.
The realm suffered the first casualties, warriors died because of orcs or spiders and he hid it to her, he didn’t want her to becoming worried and he feared that their son would be born into a new dark age. He wanted his child to live in peace, to become someone who didn’t have to know the ways of the bow or sword but it became very apparent that this was a wish he probably wouldn’t live to see fulfilled. Orcs were invading the forest and they pushed them back but he noticed that they probably originated from one of his father’s old palaces that had fallen to ruins millennia ago. It was a very bitter thought and he was very careful to separate between himself as a king and as a private person, at least when he was with Vanima. She was getting heavier and preferred to stay indoors now and the ladies of the court would keep her company and tried to keep her mood raised and her courage strong. The morning sickness stopped and she was happy but then she started having swollen ankles and other aches too and she had to admit with a sigh that this having children business was a tough job.
The child would be born in early spring and everybody told her that was a good thing, he would bring a new start to the entire realm, a new chance for their house and name and Vanima was trying very hard not to show her worries. She got to the stage when she had food cravings and they were bad. The midwives would joke with it but she didn’t find it funny at all. She did wake Thranduil up in the middle of the night screaming for fresh strawberries or salted herring and some of the things she wanted were impossible to come by. Thranduil almost lost it one evening when he caught her eating table chalk and on one occasion she was found in the kitchen gnawing away at a dried deer heart. Thranduil was really in disbelief of her appetite and changing preferences and he swore she was driving him in sane some times. She also had developed quite an appetite for other things too and he was worried that such activities could harm the child but the midwives reassured him that it was normal and nothing to worry about, it would strengthen their bond and even though they gave them the advice to quit making love the last weeks before her due day it was ok to have an active love life up to that time.
He would lay there with his arm around her and feel the baby move and it made him feel more humble and stronger than ever before. There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for his family and he was so eager to finally meet his son. But he did fear the birth itself, he knew it would become a terrible strain upon her and he hated the idea of seeing her in pain without being able to help her in any way. Vanima had problems moving around and she felt tired all the time, she had lost her appetite too and she did notice that Hwan was worried but he tried to hide it. The midwives were more optimistic and Vanima was starting to prepare herself for the birth. She knew it was going to be very painful and tough on her and she tried to meditate and control her own fear that way. The winter gave way for a new spring and this year it was very vigorous. It went from snow and cold to green and lush in just a couple of weeks and everybody was so glad the winter was over. Thranduil had started to send out patrols now to guard their borders and he knew that the other elven leaders had done the same. The orcs were getting bolder by the day and he didn’t like it a bit.
Then one early morning Vanima woke up with a strange cramp in her back and before long she realized that this was it. She was going into labor and she just laid there in a state of controlled panic until she could hide it no longer and woke Thranduil who flipped completely out and ran around like a startled rabbit until she managed to calm him down. She was brought to the birthing room within the infirmary and Thranduil followed her even though the midwives sent him glances filled with daggers and ice. It took a long time before she really got started and Hwan spoke encouraging words and told her that was a good thing, it gave her body time to prepare itself. Vanima didn’t think it felt very prepared at all, she was sweating and panting and the agony was just unbearable. And she hadn’t even started pushing yet! She was getting increasingly scared and Thranduil sat in a chair by her side pale as a ghost with shivering hands. His eyes told her everything she needed to know, he was terrified and in disbelief and she tried to act calm and confident for his sake but it was getting harder by the hour.
Soon she was screaming and swearing like a sailor and Thranduil was shocked by her vocabulary but he did understand her, he understood too darn well. Her agony was something he almost could feel himself and he sat there praying and hoping and just trying to be as supportive as he possibly could. It took more than a whole day before she really started giving birth and she knew too darn well that it was a bad sign, it was as if her body was fighting the whole process and the midwives had become grim and worked with giving her some herbs that would ease her agony. Hwan feared that her hips were too narrow and it made her panic. She squeezed Thranduil’s hand so hard she almost fractured it and she feared more than anything else that her child would die. But the herbs made her contractions stronger and she no longer had any control of her own body, she was screaming in agony and he was crying in fear and compassion and it progressed although slowly.
It took two days in total before she finally was able to see her son for real and by then she was so tired she was only half conscious. The baby was large and beautiful but the long birth had weakened it and Hwan feared for his life. Vanima demanded to hold him and they reluctantly let her, they feared that it would be too much for her but she didn’t listen to them now. She knew what to do, what Galadriel had meant by her words. She held her son and allowed his weak and shivering fêa to seek strength and life from her own and although it weakened her further she didn’t hesitate. He had to live even if that meant her own demise. Hwan didn’t realize what she was doing until the baby suddenly moved and started crying, it had gotten a much better color and looked just fine and she was getting more pale by the second and the healer realized that they could be losing her.
Thranduil just sat there, petrified and in shock and he didn’t understand anything, all he knew was that he was so terribly afraid of losing her and the child and nobody told him anything. Hwan forced some sort of medicine into her and the midwives washed the baby and placed him in his father’s arms and Thranduil immediately broke into tears once more, overwhelmed by a love so strong he never could have imagined anything even close to it. Hwan knew what Vanima had done to save her child, she was fading and he had to use all of his skill to prevent that from happening. He managed to stabilize her but she would remain unconscious for days and she would never recover completely from this ordeal. Thranduil was to stunned to say anything when Hwan told him this, he was caught between immense joy and the just as immense fear of losing her and the midwives managed to get a wet nurse to suckle the infant until Vanima regained consciousness.
Everybody soon knew of the situation and everywhere elves were praying for the queen and it seemed to help because she woke up again after two days, very weak and dazed but alive. Thranduil was so happy he just wept and Vanima knew she had done it, she had done that thing she was supposed to do and it felt very good. It was in itself a reward for the lonely hard years and the things she had been through. She got her son in her arms and felt complete, they just sat there for a long time admiring their perfect son and Vanima whispered her blessings and wishes to the little one who was contently sleeping at her chest. Thranduil had never seen a more beautiful sight ever and she knew that the love he felt for them both was as strong as the very foundations of the earth. It would never fade or die and she trusted him completely now.
Some days later the new heir was presented to the elves of the realm and he was given the name Legolas and there was celebrations going on for weeks. Letters arrived from the other realms with heartfelt congratulations too and for some time their happiness was complete. It seemed that the joy they experienced did chase away every dark thought and worry and Thranduil did indeed become a very dedicated father who didn’t complain at all about dirty diapers and sleepless nights. To him it all was a great joy and wonder and the little one grew and got stronger by the day.
Vanima on the other hand didn’t, she was so weak now, so fragile and she seemed to have lost her spark entirely. Thranduil was in despair when he saw the dark fatigue in her eyes and he missed that spark and light that had shocked him so when they first met. She endured though, she wasn’t able to do much except being with their son and even that made her terribly tired. He would lay next to her at night feeling every bone in her body and he would weep knowing that this was the price they had to pay for their son. She had given her all to have their wonderful boy and he wanted so much to give her that spark back but he could not. She was still the beloved queen, the one everybody looked up to but she rarely showed herself in public and only for a short time.
Legolas grew fast and became a boisterous and strong little boy and raising him was a challenge, Vanima enjoyed it immensely but she knew the truth, she was just delaying the inevitable and the night she told her husband of her choice it almost broke his heart. But he knew she was right, there was no other choice if she was to live. For weeks they prepared for her departure and only Legolas prevented Thranduil from having a complete breakdown. He was so closely bonded to the boy and would manage to raise him alone without problems but Vanima knew that there always would be a void in her son’s soul where she should have been. And yet there was no other choice. The last nights she was to spend in Greenwood she lay with her husband next to her and they confessed their unending undying love for each other again and again, they didn’t want to part but they had to. She knew she was dying, if she stayed she wouldn’t last another winter and he wanted to know that she was safe in Aman even if that meant that he would have to spend the rest of his days on Arda alone with only her memory to keep him company. She had given him his lovely son and he would forever be grateful for that and for the years of happiness she had brought him.
She left early one morning, heavily guarded and travelling in a wagon since she was too weak to even ride, the entire population had gathered to see her on her way and some of her servants were to follow her the entire way knowing they never would return. Thranduil stood on the bridge in front of the palace door and he cried but he held Legolas in his arms and she knew that he was strong enough to endure even this. She felt in her heart that they one day would meet again and upon that thought rested all her hope and all her dreams. She didn’t look back as the wagon rolled out of sight, she couldn’t because she knew that if she did her heart would break for sure and so she just closed her eyes and knew that she had come a long way from that night in the palace garden when she had insulted a Sindar prince and taken the first step towards her ultimate destiny.
Thranduil almost broke down and only his son prevented him from fading from grief and longing, over the years to come the bond between father and son became very strong and he was a very loving although strict father. He wouldn’t risk losing Legolas too, if that happened he would most certainly either die, fade or become the beast he once had been. His love for his son gave him strength to stand his ground, to fight and become one of the mightiest elven leaders and he knew that Vanima would have been so very proud to see what a magnificent young elf Legolas was becoming. The darkness grew and the powers of evil were increasing but he knew deep inside that a part of her strength had stayed with him and the thought of her flaming temper and iron will often was what made him clench his teeth together and continue fighting. If he ever was to see her again he would meet her as a victorious king and he would never betray her trust by allowing the darkness she had sacrificed so much to defeat win. The King of Greenwood spent his days alone from that time and everybody knew that his heart forever was occupied.
Legolas was almost come of age when he one evening sat with his father in the garden practicing his quenya, he remembered his mother but only faintly but he always got a feeling of deep love and comfort when he thought of her. Thranduil had a portrait of himself and his queen hanging in his office and it showed them as they had been in their happy years. Legolas would stare at it almost every day and he knew that his father missed her terribly but he also knew why she had left them. Thranduil was closing a book to open another one when Legolas asked the question. “Ada, how did you and naneth meet?”
Thranduil sighed and his eyes got distant, he sent his son a smile filled with bittersweet joy and allowed the memories to reemerge once more. “That my son is a tale of how I once met and got conquered by a she dragon and how she saved my soul. “
Legolas cocked his head. “Please tell me.”
Thranduil went over and sat down next to his son, embraced him, and then he told Legolas the entire story of Vanima and himself, of the war and the darkness and the joy they had shared and Legolas saw the tears in his father’s eyes and knew that he one day would meet her again, that they one day once more would be a family. But before that was to happen much would change and the world would change too. Vanima would indeed be proud of the things her son and husband accomplished and they kept her memory alive until they all were gathered by the white shores of the undying land.
- 8
- 9
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Unanswered prayers