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Path of Honor-Part II: Far From Home	By : IdrilsSecret Category: +Third Age > Slash - Male/Male Views: 4869 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or any of its characters. I make no money in the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 8
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Chapter Nine

I was home. I was really home! I don’t think I ever realized how beautiful Lothlórien was. I’d never been away for this long or so far from home, but to come back now was bittersweet. Although this was the best feeling in the world, to see familiar faces, and embrace my brothers, a piece of me was left behind … a very important piece.
Parting from Legolas as we left the small village of Arstad was a difficult thing to do. He was strong and confident, of course, assuring me that it wouldn’t be long before we saw each other again, but I still had doubts. I admitted that I loved him, and the fear of my curse draped itself upon my shoulders like a dark shadow waiting to consume me. I just had to trust that this time it was different. This time it mattered, and I would let nothing stop me from loving him. Legolas assured me over and over that he was different from all the rest, and that he would return to me. I believed without a doubt that he would. He would do everything in his power to return to me. Only death would keep him away, and I prayed to the Valar every spare moment that nothing would happen to him.
I delivered Thranduil’s agreement directly to Lord Celeborn, and the planning began immediately. Haldir was involved in the stratagem, where we would strike, how and when, and at what point we should combine our efforts with Mirkwood. I sat in on a few of their meetings, a combination of Lord Celeborn, all of the March wardens from the four Border Guards, and at least one Captain from each. Orophin was the Captain chosen to represent the regiments of the Northern Guard. I was merely there as an advisor when it came time to discuss the placement of the troops from Mirkwood. I told them about their fighting strategies, especially what I had witnessed at the river. “They have the element of surprise, no matter where they are,” I suggested. “Give them the layout of the area, and they will know what to do.”
“And who will command these savage troops?” Raenor asked, uneasy with the thought of Wood elves running amuck. He was clueless as to what the Wood elves were capable of, just as I had been before going to Mirkwood.
I hadn’t thought this through. When it was agreed that Mirkwood would join Lothlórien in war, Legolas was going to be their commander. Then, when Thranduil told him he must go to Rivendell instead, Legolas said I was to command them. But on our last night together, he confessed to me that he was going to disobey his father’s orders and come south to join the fight, riding day and night until he arrived. No one knew about this part of his plan except me. And no one knew he had been sent to Rivendell to join in this secret meeting. I guess it was time they knew, then.
“I will command the Wood elves,” I spoke up, and everyone in the room turned their attention to me. It was deathly silent for what seemed like hours. It was Raenor who spoke first.
“You? How did this come about?” he asked skeptically.
“I haven’t been in Mirkwood all this time sitting around with my thumbs up my arse. I’ve been watching and observing, learning their habits, their way of life. I have fought with the Wood elves, and I know their tactics better than anyone here,” I explained confidently.
“But you are a Lórien elf. Why would they trust you to command their own? What happened to Prince Legolas, the King’s son? I thought he was their captain, and that he would lead them in battle,” Raenor questioned. He was not only distrusting of Wood elves, but he didn’t trust me either. Raenor had been the one out to ruin my name after everything that happened a year ago. For nine of those months, I was at the borders, and for the past three months, I had been in Mirkwood. Too much time had passed. Even the committee that was investigating the incident that was to be my downfall thought it was time to drop it all. Túron had taken the fall for what was supposed to be me and one of my men, drunk on wine laced with a hallucinogenic, caught in a compromising position. But Túron was gone, and the soldier quietly stepped down from the army to pursue a normal life with his lover. Haldir’s decision to send me to Mirkwood had drawn out the time even longer since all of that happened. Now, I had come home a hero of sorts, the only one able to convince King Thranduil to help Lothlórien destroy Dol Guldur. It was finally over, but Raenor wasn’t pleased. He would always be looking over my shoulder, waiting for me to make another mistake, but I wasn’t about to do that. I no longer had a lover in Lothlórien. Legolas was far from here, and there was no reason to think anything transpired between us. The last thing anyone would think was that an elf of Lórien had fallen in love with a Wood elf. Besides, I would only see Legolas in Mirkwood, making our relationship even safer.
“As I said,” answering Raenor’s questions. “While I was in Mirkwood, it was my goal to gain the trust of not only their King but their people as well. I did that by conforming to their way of life. I joined them in a small battle at the river, when orcs were seen trying to cross in an attempt to raid the palace. I fought hard and I fought well. The Prince, himself, can attest to that. I earned their respect. I also learned that not all of the Wood elves agreed with King Thranduil’s decision to remain detached from the outside world.” At this point, I gazed at Haldir. He turned his eyes from me. We would have to discuss this later. I continued. “Again, Prince Legolas was involved in this, and he looked to me for help in convincing his father to send troops to fight. We worked together in this effort, and as you can see, the results of our efforts have paid off. As for the whereabouts of the Prince, he was sent on an important mission, by King Thranduil, and with this change in plans, he asked that I lead his warriors into battle.”
“He will not fight alongside his warriors?” Raenor questioned. “Taking the coward’s way out.” He finished with a smirk, but I did not find any humor in this at all.
“Prince Legolas is not a coward,” I defended. “He wants nothing more than to fight with Lothlórien at Dol Guldur, but he must follow the King’s orders. He holds important information that he has been charged with delivering to Lord Elrond. It remains to be seen whether or not he will join us in the south. It depends on how long he must stay in Imladris. But I believe he will be there, and if not, then I have been elected to lead his troops. I plan on not disappointing the son of the last Elven King.” I stopped to look around the room. “You asked me here for my opinion about the warriors that will join us from Mirkwood. I’m telling you that they don’t need much direction. They are fierce warriors. Leave them to fight this war how they know best, and we will have victory.”
They asked me a few more questions, and I answered as best I could. After a long discussion, the meeting was adjourned and I was glad for it. I was tired, not having had any time to rest once I returned, only a quick bath and a few bites to eat. Lothlórien was anxious to get things moving. Scouts had reported seeing orcs gathering at the dark tower again, and in greater numbers. It was very suspicious, and we had a feeling that they somehow figured out that we were planning an attack. They didn’t know when, though. Not even we knew that at this point.
We left the room, and my brothers approached me, each one hugging me and ruffling my hair. It was just like when we were young. I didn’t realize how much I had missed them.
“My little brother, negotiator for Lothlórien,” Orophin boasted and laughed.
“I’ll pass on that title, thank you,” I responded half-heartedly.
Orophin slapped my back. “You managed to talk Middle-earth’s most stubborn elf into joining us. That’s no small feat.”
“It wasn’t me alone in this. I had help.” I glanced over my shoulder, knowing that Haldir stood behind me. “Enough about me. How are you? I heard you’d been injured.”
“Naught but a flesh wound,” Orophin said, brushing it off quickly. “But I’ve managed to spice up my story. Works well to impress the ellith.” He winked and nudged me with his elbow. “Speaking of … anything interesting happen in Mirkwood?” he insinuated.
“Oh, plenty of interesting, but not with any females,” I confessed. If my poor brother only knew, but thank the Valar he did not know my secret. “I’m afraid this visit was strictly business.”
Orophin frowned. “Too bad. I’ve heard some curious things about Wood elves.”
I decided it was time to change the subject. “So, are you two going to catch me up on all that I’ve missed while I was gone?”
“How about dinner?” Orophin invited turning to Haldir. “At your place?”
“Why do we always end up at my home?” Haldir complained. The fact was, Haldir had the biggest and most comfortable talan home, as well as a servant who always liked to cook something wonderful for the three of us.
“I’ve already told Egeril that she may have a few days off. I knew I’d be busy with all of this after Rúmil returned. So, I’m afraid you’ll not receive a proper meal if you come to my place tonight,” Haldir said to dissuade us from coming. But Orophin knew he still had a private stock of the best wine found in Lothlórien. He wouldn’t give up easily.
“I’ll bring the food. You contribute the wine. We’ll make a night of it,” Orophin insisted.
Haldir sighed, knowing there was no getting out of something that Orophin set his mind to. “Very well, tonight then. Rúmil,” he said without hesitation. “Join me for a moment, if you don’t mind.”
“Not at all.” I patted Orophin on the shoulder. “As long as you’re bringing the food, mind scrounging up some sweet rolls? It’s been a long time since I’ve had any.”
“Anything for my little brother, the hero,” he sang.
I rolled my eyes and smiled as I watched him walk off. I thought about the news I received from Thranduil, that he’d been injured. It scared me. If anything ever happened to either of them . . . Without missing a beat, I turned back to Haldir, the smile still upon my face.
“We missed you around here,” Haldir admitted once it was just us. We walked slowly along the wooden paths within the mallorn trees. “Orophin mostly, though I was a close second.”
“Why do you say that?” I wondered.
“He was hurt worse than he leads on. An arrow through the arm.” Haldir stopped and shook his head from side to side. “Sliced some of the tendons, the healers said. He still cannot fire his bow properly. The strength has not completely returned. With time and exercising the muscles, he’ll be back to his old self, but he will not fight in this battle.”
I knew how devastating something like that could be, not able to fight for those who you feel it is your duty to protect. “I didn’t know.” I turned back to look in the direction he had headed off in. “I should have said something.”
“Orophin kept saying that it might have been you, if you were here to lead your troops, and he was glad it wasn’t that way. Still, he was worried about you, so far away and alone.”
“I wasn’t alone though. I was with the Wood elves,” I assured, even though Orophin was not there to hear it. “We’ve been wrong about them, you know. They are much smarter and braver than we give them credit for.”
Haldir nodded. “They are when they’re in their own environment. Take them out of Mirkwood, and I worry that their strategies might fail.”
I shook my head. “No, you’re wrong. I know you think you know the Wood elves, but you never spent time with them like I did. You never fought beside them, feeding off of their energy. It was an amazing experience.”
Haldir stopped walking and looked at me with hardened eyes. “You’ve changed, Rúmil.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“No, not necessarily, as long as you remember the rules here.”
“Which rules are you talking about?” I asked cautiously. Was he implying . . .
“The rule that no one makes a move without first discussing it with the March warden,” Haldir berated. I thought I knew where this was going, and it stemmed back to the days of Legolas’ grandfather.
“Do you think I will order the Mirkwood elves without telling you what I’m doing?”
“Wood elves have been known to answer to their superiors … only. I just don’t want you conforming to their standards so as to keep control of them. If you are to lead Prince Legolas’ troops–”
“If I give them an order, it’s because it is the right thing to do, not a way to impress them or control them.” I grasped Haldir’s shoulder and leaned into his ear, as a couple of elves passed us. “Listen, Legolas would not have asked me to take his troops to war if he thought there was even the slightest chance that they would disobey and go rogue. Let’s not forget that they are here because they wanted to be here, not because they feel that they must. These are the elves that did not agree with Thranduil, or have you forgotten that?” I backed off and looked him straight in the eyes. “And I wasn’t the one to piss off their King, either.”
Haldir’s hand came up and he palmed the back of his neck. “You found out about that?”
“Did you think I wouldn’t? The reason you sent me there was so that Lórien could get back into good graces with Mirkwood. It wasn’t all about that damn trial or Raenor. As a matter of fact, I think that whole thing was about to be dropped anyways, especially after our extended stay at the borders. Too much time had gone by, and if Raenor wanted to pursue it, he wasn’t going to get any more support from the council.”
“Alright, I admit that I had ulterior motives for sending you to Mirkwood, but if you knew about my involvement, you might not have been as convincing. Obviously it worked. Mirkwood will fight with us.”
“It wasn’t just me. Legolas had a lot to do with my success,” I admitted.
“You two … got along?” Haldir asked. If only he knew how well we got along.
“Well, not at first. I didn’t want to be there. I just wanted to relay the message and leave, but I was gifted with an arrow through my leg,” I said trying to be facetious. “But while I recovered, Legolas and I got to know each other, and he’s not at all what I perceived him to be.” I could feel my voice softening as I spoke of him, and cleared my throat to cover my emotions. “I thought it best to earn his trust and support first, more so than Thranduil. You know … to get to the king, first get to his messenger. That sort of thing.”
“I’m afraid Legolas and I did not see much eye to eye, but we put our differences aside to work together with our plan. I was having better luck with Thranduil, that was, until . . .” He gave me another hard look. “Did Legolas tell you what happened?”
“With the prisoner? Yes. As a matter of fact, that information came in handy with my negotiations.” Haldir quirked a brow in confusion. “I’ll tell you about it over dinner.”
Haldir seemed to humble a moment before we went on our way again. He bowed his head, twisting his hands, which was very unlike him. “Listen, Rúmil … I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what was going on. I knew you would find a way to speak with the King, and I was afraid that if you knew everything, Thranduil would see through our plans. Legolas did of course, but I knew he’d find a way to involve you in our plot.”
“He revealed it slowly,” I said. “I didn’t know about your involvement right away. Legolas kept a lot of things to himself until he thought he could trust me. If it wasn’t for Legolas and his help, I don’t think Thranduil would even have listened to a word I had to say. It was a combined effort, and it worked. That’s all.”
Haldir smiled. “I look forward to hearing more about it over dinner.” By now, we were at my home, and I was ready to take a little break and relax, get my bearings, and think about Legolas. I was missing him something terrible, but I couldn’t let that show. If I thought it was difficult to keep my private life secret before, then this was a hundred times harder.
“You want to come in?” I asked Haldir as I turned the handle on my door.
He hesitated, thinking a moment, but shook his head. “No, no you just go on in, and I’ll see you tonight.”
“Are you sure? I’m tired, but I’ve always got time for my brother.”
“I’m sure. Get some rest. You’ll have some storytelling to do later.”
* * * * *
Dinner was wonderful. Orophin brought venison stew and two loaves of bread. We ate like kings, laughing, telling stories and just catching up on everything. It felt so good to be with my brothers, away from the outside world, reliving days gone by and days to come. The wine flowed freely, and we were all feeling the effects by the end of the evening. Orophin went out to relieve himself, leaving Haldir and I to talk. We found ourselves discussing our personal views of Mirkwood, and to my surprise, we agreed on a lot of things. The wine made me bold and I asked him about his time there, and why he went back multiple times. He tried to convince me that is was solely for the purpose of getting Thranduil to concede, but I remember Legolas telling me that he thought Haldir had met someone. I poked around for more information until Haldir was relaxed enough to tell me. And now was the perfect time, while Orophin was away.
“Alright, the truth then,” Haldir said when I wouldn’t let the issue die. “I did meet someone. Nothing serious, mind you, but we got along very well. His name was Tirnel and he’s a scribe.”
“A scribe?” I asked curiously. “Never thought of you as being interested in the type.”
“He was quiet, and I liked that. Being a warrior, being surrounded by soldiers all the time, and having to command them, I do love it, but I need peace and quiet from time to time. Tirnel was like that. I think that’s why I was drawn to him in the first place.”
“They do say opposites attract.” I didn’t think that was always true, though. Look at me and Legolas. We were more alike in every way than we were opposite.
“It’s a kind of sanctuary for us, isn’t it? Mirkwood, I mean … to be free of our inhibitions,” Haldir admitted, his voice as distant as he faraway look.
Sanctuary, I thought … iaun nín. By the gods, I missed him. “Yes … yes it is.” My pensive mood revealed the secret I’d been trying to keep. Haldir’s attention was fully on me now, as he eyed me.
“You met someone also,” he said, almost a whisper, as if the walls would hear. I nodded, but I wouldn’t meet his eyes. “It’s not easy for someone like us to find refuge, and when we do, we tend to gravitate towards it.”
“It’s not easy to switch back either, not after three months of living without restraints,” I admitted freely. “I became rather used to it.”
Haldir shook his head. “I never could quite relax in that way, and I continued to keep my private life private.” I already knew that, from what Legolas had told me. “Just remember that you are home now,” Haldir warned.
I nodded and Orophin came back inside, stumbling slightly as he walked into Haldir’s home. “You know,” I said to change the mood between Haldir and I. “They have some unique ideas in Mirkwood … the latrines for instance. No pots to clean or holes to dig. Perhaps we could explain the design to someone, see if we can come up with something similar.” And the discussion went in the complete opposite direction from the one Haldir and I were just engaged in.
* * * * *
Time either flew by quickly or it crawled at a snail’s pace. It depended on where I was and what I was doing. Commanding my troops, preparing them, strengthening them … there didn’t seem to be enough hours in the day. But it was at night when I laid alone in my bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling the ghostly touch of my Mirkwood lover that time seemed to almost stop. I needed him. I missed him.
I took up my Captain’s position instantly, began training and practice with my troops, and got them ready for the upcoming war. There wasn’t much time before we left Lothlórien. Word had been sent to Mirkwood. The plans were set, and they would meet us just outside of our borders. It took some convincing. The Wood elves preferred to join armies just before entering the border of Dol Guldur, but that would mean having to travel as they usually did, through the trees within the Rhovanion. It was a dangerous route and it would take a lot of energy. Lord Celeborn wanted them to be rested and fresh, so he insisted that they travel along the Anduin River, away from the dangers of the dark forest, and meet Lórien, prepared and ready for war. Eventually, Thranduil agreed, but it was not easy. Because of this, I knew Legolas had not returned to Mirkwood. If he had been home, he would have seen to it that these concerns were met and agreed upon quickly. But if he was not home, then that meant he was either still in Rivendell or on his way south already. Would he keep his promise? Would he be there? I couldn’t see what would stop him. He lived to fight, much like me. We were alive when we were engaged in war, and we were never more alive than when we fought side by side. I could still remember what that felt like, but even more, what it felt like to be with him afterwards. I missed him … more than I thought possible.
The day finally came when we gathered our troops. Lothlórien’s army was a sight to behold when they were lined up, ready to march. I stood upon the platform that overlooked the practice grounds, gazing down upon my fellow soldiers. It was a glorious sight, all of them dressed in their armor, black and silver, smooth, flowing, solid. They were one large entity of strength and power, feared by all who stood in our way.
Lord Celeborn gave a single command and they moved in one motion, snapping to attention in unison. The sound of armor moving was deafening and quick. Chink! And they were standing straight and tall, facing straight ahead, bows strapped to their backs, swords glittering at their sides. I ached to be down there amongst them, but I was a Captain now. My duty was to lead them, to encourage them. My time would come when the battle commenced. Then I could join my men, get blood on my sword, and best of all, I’d see my Mirkwood lover.
“Look at them,” Orophin said with pride. “Can you already taste the victory?”
“Dol Guldur will not stand a chance,” I smiled, but my joy lessened as I looked to my brother, his arm secured in a sling. “I wish would were coming with me.”
“I’ll be there in spirit, Rúmil. You’ll do fine, brother. You’ll make us all very proud,” he encouraged.
“The borders I am used to. This is much different, going to a strange land to fight in an unknown terrain.”
“Remember all you’ve been taught, and you’ll be alright. Everyone is nervous for their first foreign campaign. Just remember to watch your back.”
I turned to him, and we grasped arms. Orophin wore his armor, from his helmet to his reinforced metal boots, even though he was not going with us today. We rested our foreheads against each other, the metal clacking. My brother was strong and brave, but I felt his worry for me. He wouldn’t be there to watch out for his little brother, and he’d always been there in the past.
“Haldir won’t let me out of his sight,” I assured. “Nothing is going to happen to me, Orophin.”
“I know,” he said. “That’s just it, Rú … you’re going to go there, fight, taste success, come home victorious, and you’ll have done it all without me. I’ve always felt a responsibility to you, to see that you were safe. Perhaps you won’t need me anymore.”
“I’ll always need my brother,” I whispered and pulled him into my embrace.
Lord Celeborn gave the command to march, and the army moved out of the glade. We were on our way.
* * * * *
Past the borders of Lothlórien the trees gave way to open green fields of grass. The sun shone bright from a brilliant blue sky above us. It was difficult to think that evil existed when one looked upon the beauty of the world. This was what we were fighting for, to preserve this right here, the freedom to live out amongst the sun and sky, and the miles of green that spread before us. And I fought for the freedom of Mirkwood, to prosper and grow as green as the field before me, and to share that new day with Legolas.
Scouts informed us of the approaching Wood elf army, and my heart quickened. They were here. They kept their promise to Lothlórien. I rode out ahead of the troops. I wanted to see this, Mirkwood in all its dangerous glory. I moved next to Haldir, looking out over the distance, and smiled to my brother.
“I knew they’d come,” he said with relief.
“Did you ever doubt me?” I asked arrogantly.
“Not you, brother, but Thranduil. I’m never completely convinced he will keep his word.”
I narrowed my eyes, and trained them on the distance. They were running, bows in hand, lightly armored, and dauntless faces ready for combat. I still felt a connection with these elves. I missed them all, and I couldn’t wait to be with them again. Their voices rose above the wind that blew across the field, whoops and hollers, their battle cry I supposed. There was something animalistic about the sound, like wolves howling at the moon. I wanted to howl back at them, and silently laughed at the thought. We stopped and waited for them to catch up, and I was jumping internally. He was there somewhere, Legolas. I couldn’t wait to look into those brilliant eyes, the ones that matched the blue sky above me. If only I could embrace him, kiss him, tell him again how much I loved him.
“Do they not march in order?” I heard one of the Captains complain. “Look at them running and yelling. They’ll draw attention to themselves. Is this how they’ll be when we’re near the enemy?”
“They’ll be feared most of all in the eyes of the orcs,” I defended. “You could learn a thing or two from the Wood elves.”
He huffed skeptically. “Not likely,” he muttered and disappeared back into the crowd.
“Listen,” Haldir called drawing the attention of all Wardens and Captains. “From here on out we put our differences aside. Mirkwood joins Lothlórien and we march as one. We’ll fight as one. And we will share in the victory. Today we are elves of Middle-earth, not Lórien and Mirkwood. This world belongs to all of us, and we will defend it as one entity.”
The first to approach us was Corweth and her twin Messel, along with a few of the others I remember from the river. They bowed and the leaders of Lothlórien bowed in return. Corweth’s face was stern as usual. “Mirkwood has answered the call.”
“And Lothlórien is most grateful to you,” Haldir answered.
While they went over the formalities, my eyes scanned the Wood elf army. Where was Legolas? The anticipation was eating me alive inside. Every head of blond hair I saw made my heart leap, but so far, none of them was Legolas.
“Captain Rúmil,” I heard Messel sing. “It is so good to see you again.”
“Messel,” I smiled, embracing her. “You don’t know how good it is to see you.”
“We’ve missed you around the palace. How are you?”
“I am well. Better now that I see all of you here.” I was speaking to her, but my eyes kept darting around to all the Wood elves as they passed us and mingled with the Lórien soldiers.
“You’re looking for Legolas, aren’t you?” she asked, but there was something off about her tone.
“He’s here, isn’t he?”
Her smile faded, but the corners of her mouth stayed upturned for appearance’s sake. “He did not return from Rivendell.”
Had he not told her his plans? If Legolas would tell anyone his secret it would be Messel. “Actually, he wasn’t supposed to return.”
“You already knew this?” she asked with confusion. “But how? No one knew what would happen at the meeting.”
I creased my brows. “Legolas made up his mind before he left Mirkwood,” I informed. “He didn’t tell you? He said he couldn’t follow his father’s directions. He was going to leave Rivendell and come south, either to Lothlórien before we marched or here, at our meeting point.”
Messel shook her head. “No, he didn’t tell me this. But–”
“Perhaps he was late leaving Imladris and he’ll catch us up along the way,” I reasoned with myself, but there was something Messel hadn’t yet told me. I could sense it.
“I don’t know about your arrangement, but–”
“Just like Prince Legolas to keep everyone in the dark,” I laughed nervously.
“Rúmil,” she said, touching my arm, gaining my attention. “He is not coming.”
“Of course he is. He promised me.”
“A letter came from Rivendell. Legolas attended the meeting, and told them about the prisoner. He said Mithrandir held no animosity towards Mirkwood. And then Legolas said that he was not coming back.”
“What? Is he staying in Rivendell?”
“We aren’t sure.”
“What about the sentries that went with him? Don’t they know anything?” I asked with desperation.
“Legolas sent them back to Mirkwood at the conclusion of the meeting. He didn’t tell them anything. He just said that they should deliver his message to King Thranduil, and tell his father that he was sorry, but that it was something he must do. He had to contribute to the war in his own way. He said that Mirkwood should not send anyone to retrieve him, because he wouldn’t be there,” Messel told me.
I was beside myself. What had happened in Rivendell that Legolas would not follow through with our plans? At least he could have gone back to Mirkwood if he changed his mind about defying his father. But to defect to Rivendell altogether without word of what he was doing or why he was doing it, that was very unlike him. Either that, or I didn’t know him well enough. No, I knew him … didn’t I?
“Did he … did he say anything else? Was there a separate message … maybe something for me?”
Messel took my hands in hers and shook her head slowly back and forth. “I’m sorry, Rúmil.”
“Maybe he is still coming,” I tried to convince myself.
“His message came a while back. The meeting was held more than a month ago. If he was going to be here, he would have showed long before.” She tried to comfort me. “We are all worried for him, Thranduil especially, but we just don’t know what happened or where he’d gone.”
“What about Lord Elrond? Surely he knows what’s happened.”
“If he does, he isn’t saying. Thranduil contacted him and the response said not to fret, that it was strictly Legolas’ decision, and that he would be fine.”
I released Messel’s hands and turned from her. “He not coming. He’s abandoned his home, his duty. Why?”
“Perhaps it was too much. I know the guilt he carried over the kidnapping and the death of his men. Having to tell Lord Elrond and Mithrandir about his decision to let the prisoner out of his cell must have been very difficult. Rivendell has always been known as the elves last sanctuary. Maybe he stayed to find peace within himself, to try to forgive himself. I just don’t really know.” Messel stood next to me for a moment longer, then she laid a gentle hand on my arm, giving a squeeze before she left to join her sister.
“The elves last sanctuary,” I whispered to myself. “Could I not have been that to him?” What was in Rivendell anyways? Had he decided to join their guard, fight alongside the sons of Elrond? I thought back to our past discussions. I didn’t think he had any connections there, nothing that would make him choose Rivendell over his home. But wait. He said he’d met someone there, a musician. It was a very long time ago, and he was so young then, but maybe . . . “No,” I told myself. “He said he loved me.” Not unless he loved him more, my mind screamed. My insecurity came rushing back as I remembered what Legolas told me about this mystery elf.
‘He was gorgeous, auburn hair, beautiful green eyes, and a smile that took my breath away. I flirted with him all evening. It was shameless of me, I know, but I just couldn’t help myself. Oh, the things we did to each other.’
What if that was it? They had met again after all these years and the spark reignited. Legolas might have discovered that what he felt for me was just a residual emotion of what he felt about this elf. I had been so reluctant to give into him at first. He even told me he loved me and I could not answer. Had he told the minstrel he loved him? Had the minstrel said it back to him? And really, what kind of relationship could Legolas and I have, especially with Lórien being my home and Mirkwood his?
I told him what would happen if I admitted my love for him. And here it was once more, staring me in the face … my curse, my inability to ever know what it was like to have something normal. Once I let someone into my heart, they disappeared … first Túron and now Legolas.
“I don’t have time for this right now,” I scolded myself. There was a war waiting to be waged. My mind must be clear to think. I couldn’t afford this distraction, yet it was bearing down on me, making my heart ache. I should have made that dome out of stone, not glass. Now the pieces that Legolas’ love had broken in order to set me free were cutting into me as they forced their razor sharp edges back together. “Get it back together, and fast,” I berated. I could almost hear the clinking of glass as the dome reformed around my heart carelessly. Only a few pieces left, I thought as I walked into the group of Lórien soldiers gathering. My soldiers, I thought to myself. My army, my first love. I was a warrior after all, and that was something I could not undo. Toughen up and throw myself back into my work, that’s what I would do.
“He abandoned it all,” I told myself. To say it aloud made it real. “He should be here with his people, fighting for his home, fighting beside me.” The last piece of glass hovered, waiting for the moth to return. The flame was extinguished. There was nothing to attract it now. “He has a duty to his people. What could have made him do this?” I shook my head. “I thought I knew him. Why would he not return to where he was needed most?”
The light went out and all was dark. I got too close and singed my wings. I knew better than this, but I was manipulated. It still didn’t seem real. I thought I knew him. I was sure, without a doubt that Legolas loved me. This time it was different. I was so sure. And the voice in my head screamed, I told you this would happen.
* * * * *
Dol Guldur stood before us. The orcs were prepared. They had known we were coming. We had hardly stepped into the dark forest when we were ambushed. My troops took some casualties, but the Wood elves kept their cleverness. As archers, we distracted the orcs, but there was no surprise attack. We had to keep them focused on us while the swordsmen ran in. It was a bloody battle, and not as easy as we thought it would be. As I said, the orcs knew we were coming. The one thing that was to our advantage … the Nazgûl were not there. They had abandoned the dark tower a long time ago and never returned.
Haldir took his troops, as well as some of the Mirkwood elves, to the east of the tower, while I led my troops and the remaining Wood elves to the north. This was where the orc armies were heaviest. The rest of Lothlórien’s armies spread to different areas around the land, extinguishing smaller groups of the enemy, looking for traps and hidden exits where orcs could escape. The area was pretty well covered.
My mixed regiment of elves fought hard, pushing the orcs back into their tower. We seemed to have the advantage until they unleashed an army of trolls. The giant creatures were dressed in armor, making it difficult to kill them. They were armed with spiked clubs and long chains that they whipped around, taking down anyone who got within range. I gathered my regiment, and ordered them to defend the line. Corweth told me the plans for the Wood elves. They would circle around and try to attack the trolls at close range. I didn’t like the idea of them getting so close. Trolls were difficult to kill without armor and weapons. These would be nearly impossible.
“We know what to do, Captain,” Corweth said, brimming with confidence. “You just keep your men on the line, and don’t fire past the trolls.”
I couldn’t disagree. The Mirkwood warriors already knew what they were going to do. They were merely telling me their position. I had to trust that Corweth knew what she was doing. Messel was about to go with her sister, but she doubled back. “I can stay here with you and your troops if you want. Corweth has this under control.” It was a genuine offer, but I could see the longing in her eyes to stay with her sister. I knew the feeling, the need to protect family. It couldn’t be ignored.
“Go with Corweth and the others. We’ll be fine here.”
“Are you sure, Rúmil?” she asked. Ever since she told me about Legolas, she kept a sharp eye on me. I think she was worried I would become reckless, and she was right. The thought had crossed my mind to run headlong into a band of orcs and just start slashing my sword, killing as many as I could before they engulfed me and outnumbered me. I would die that valiant death I had thought of before, earn my fëa a place within Mandos Halls.
“I’m sure. Now go before you miss all the fun.” I watched her run off to catch her sister. Then I gathered my men and commanded them to the line. They took their positions, and we waited for the trolls to approach. Finally, they came within sight. Their armor looked impenetrable with layers of metal overlapping chain mail. My men were within a tree line, but the trees would not give us adequate cover. It was all we had. This was Dol Guldur. The land here had died many years ago. The trees were bare. The soil was corrupted. Nothing grew on this forsaken sight. All we could do was shelter behind rotted trunks. Once the trolls were close enough, their clubs and chains would knock down what was left standing, and we would be in the open, vulnerable to orcs. For now, though, the cowardly bastards were letting the trolls do their dirty work.
“Lórien, nock your arrows!” I called to the line. Like a synchronized dance, they raised their bows and held an arrow to it, waiting for my signal.
“Ready!” I commanded, and they pulled their arms back, stretching the strings as they aimed for their targets.
“Fire!” A slew of arrows jetted through the sky, flying up and up, slowing, and then turning back to the earth. We watched the trolls become distracted as a hail of arrows rained down on them. Most just bounced off their armor. A few stuck into their thick flesh. No trolls fell, and that was discouraging.
“Keep firing!” I shouted, watching the activity. I watched for the Mirkwood elves to make their move. I needed to stop my men when I knew they were close. How would I know? It was so dark, even my elf eyes could not make out the distant shapes except for the trolls, and that was just because of their size. And then I heard it, the bird like whistle that Legolas had used. For a short moment, I thought it was him, but he wasn’t here. He was in Rivendell.
“That’s it! That’s the signal! Stop firing. Mirkwood approaches.” I repeated my command until everyone knew to stop.
“Swords ready!” Now we would join Mirkwood. As they attacked from behind, we would run out and meet our enemy. These trolls would cease to exist.
I waited anxiously, but no second whistle sounded. The trolls kept advancing. I waited even longer, and the enemy was closing in on us. Get too close, and we would be vulnerable to their whipping chains.
“Come on, Corweth,” I said to myself.
“Captain!” one of my men called. “They’re closing in.”
“Hold! No one moves a muscle until I give the word,” I repeated to my men, anxious to do something. So was I. And just when I thought we would have to retreat, I saw one of the trolls stumble and go down on its knees. A closer look, and I could make out the shape of a handful of elves attacking the fallen troll. One by one, the remaining trolls became distracted. “Forward! Attack!” I shouted, and we rushed towards the trolls. As we made our way, I could see elves behind the line of giants. Some climbed up the back of their armor onto their thick necks where they were firing arrows into the soft flesh. Others were slashing their swords at the backs of the trolls’ ankles, severing tendons that rendered them useless. They were turning to see what was happening, who was behind them, but they were large, slow and clumsy. It gave my men time to approach and attack. We outnumbered the troll tribe, and it took several elves just to bring down one ugly giant. It didn’t take long, and they were all down, but there was no time to celebrate, because we knew orcs were not far behind. We regrouped to quickly discuss our next move.
“I’ll take my people back to the tree line,” I said. “The orcs will know we are there, and they’ll rush in to do battle.”
“Good,” Corweth agreed. “Since there’s fewer of us, we’ll use the trolls as cover, and attack the orcs after they run past the bodies. We’ll surround them, and take them all down.
“Captain!” A messenger rushed up to me. “The March warden calls for your help. You and your men are needed east of the tower. They’ve found a nest of orcs, and the men need backup.”
“I can’t come now,” I explained. “I’m needed here. We’re about to extinguish an orc army here.”
“They are outnumbered, Captain. Haldir would not summon you if it wasn’t important,” the messenger pleaded.
“Go on, Captain,” Corweth said. “We can handle things here. I think the bulk of the orc army are where your brother is. He needs you.”
I didn’t feel right about leaving Corweth and the Wood elves here to fend for themselves. The orcs were unpredictable in this battle. “No, you’ll come with me. If Haldir is in trouble, they’ll need every last one of us.”
“We’ll not leave our post,” Corweth demanded. “This is where we will fight, but your brother calls for you. Do not ignore him. He’s family.”
She was right. My brothers and I never abandoned each other. If one of us called, the others came. “Alright, but watch these orcs. If it looks like there are too many, retreat to the trees. At least it will slow them down and allow you to get away.”
“We can take care of ourselves, Captain. Now go!” And Corweth dashed off towards the dead trolls to lie in wait and ambush part of the orc army.
I ordered my men to go to the east side of the dark tower, and glanced back one more time. There was no trace of any Wood elves. They disappeared into the darkness, blending in with their surroundings, just like they did in Mirkwood. And here I was with my men, heavily weighed down with armor, running right into the hands of the enemy. I didn’t like it one bit. Something didn’t feel right. I stopped and let my troops pass me, looking into the darkness, waiting for the familiar whistle that would signal the Wood elves. It all seemed too easy.
There was a moment when it seemed like time stopped. It became unusually quiet in that split second, and the hairs stood on the back of my neck. Then I heard the whack of an arrow punching into something next to me, and looked to see one of my men hit in the chest. He stood a moment with unseeing eyes before he collapsed lifelessly to the ground. I couldn’t move, as though my legs were stuck in quicksand. My head slowly turned towards the last place I’d seen Corweth, but instead of elves, I saw orcs. The Wood elves were outnumbered.
“Turn back!” I shouted to my men, but most were already too far ahead. “Back to the trolls!” I called, and only a few obeyed my orders. It was too late. Black arrows flew dangerously close to my head. One of my men actually pulled me away with him, heading towards the east where Haldir waited for help. But Corweth and the Wood elves needed our help. The trolls were the diversion, not the threat. Elves were dying because of me. I should never have left them there. I should have commanded them to come with us. I should have fought harder for Legolas’ people. I failed them. I failed him. I failed myself.
I ripped my arm from the grip of the elf who was pulling me from the danger. I couldn’t leave the Wood elves to fend for themselves. Legolas left them in my care and in my command. “I’ve got to go back,” I told the soldier. “Tell Haldir to send help this way. Tell him there’s another large army of orcs north of the tower, and that the Mirkwood army is outnumbered. We need back up … now.” The soldier nodded and ran off to my brother. I went towards the dead trolls, running as fast as I could go, firing my bow as I went. I had to make my way to them, to the Wood elves. They were my responsibility. Legolas told me I would command them if he could not. I would not abandon them. I would fight for them, for Mirkwood. I had to. There was nothing left for me to do, and I had to make this right.
The closer I got to the area, the thicker the atmosphere became. The metallic smell of blood permeated the air, and my heart dropped, for it was spilled elf blood that I scented. I made it to the dead trolls, and froze at the sight. Wood elves littered the area. Some faces were familiar, some were not, but they were my responsibility no matter who they were. And now they were dead. I searched the troll carcasses, and found some injured among the lifeless bodies. The ones who could move, I gathered together to help me with the ones who could not move. I had to get them out of there before the orc army came back. It looked like they forced their way through the area, expecting a much bigger army of elves than what they found. And then I realized what their plan was all along. While Haldir and his men assaulted the orcs in the east, this army would come up from behind. Lórien would be surrounded. My men were there now. I just had to hope my brother would figure it out and be prepared for the onslaught. There was no way of warning him now. It also meant that there was no relief coming here.
I took a head count, and found I had a number of elves still able to fight. I ordered them to set up a patrol around the injured until I could get them someplace safe. It seemed for every living elf, there were two dead, but I couldn’t think about that at the moment. I wondered what Legolas would have done in this situation. It didn’t matter. He wasn’t here. He should have been here, and I became angry to think that he stayed in Rivendell. There had to be a reason. There just had to be. He could have at least written me, and told me his plans, but he knew I would take his warriors and lead them in his stead. I began to think he had too much confidence in me.
“Captain,” one of the soldiers came to me. “You should come.”
This couldn’t be good. I followed the Mirkwood soldier, and what I found struck me deep in my soul. Corweth was kneeling on the ground, surrounded by bodies, elf and orc alike. In her lap, she held her sister, Messel. The first thing I noticed was the pool of blood beneath her. Messel’s tunic and leggings were soaked in red. I ran to them, and stopped behind Corweth, looking over her shoulder to the pale face of her sister. There was a large gash in Messel’s side. I closed my eyes and looked away. Corweth was crying, brushing her sister’s hair back from her forehead, and leaned down to kiss her there. I laid my hand on Corweth’s shoulder and she looked up at me, her eyes swollen with tears.
“She saved me,” she sobbed. “I didn’t see the creature in time, but Messel did. She jumped between us and his sword struck her instead. It should have been me, but she took the blow instead.”
I knelt next to them to examine the wound, and was surprised to see Messel was still breathing. “She’s still alive,” I said. “But she’s lost a lot of blood.” I glanced around the area, trying to think what I should do. “We need to slow the blood.” I wore my cape, the one I’d had since before I became a soldier. It had been a present from Fandir, and I swore to always keep it safe. Without a second thought, I took it off and used my knife to rip part of it off. I held it against the wound. My hands were shaking as I worked. “If we can keep pressure on the wound until the healers come . . .”
Messel coughed and blood trickled from the corner of her mouth. She opened her eyes to her sister and coughed again. “Corweth … you’re … alright?” she gasped.
“Thanks to you,” Corweth smiled, as tears escaped her eyes. “I killed the bastard who did this to you.”
Messel smiled, blinked slowly and turned her head to look at me. “Rúmil, you’re alright too.” She tried to sit up, but because of the wound and the loss of blood, she was too weak.
“Don’t move, Messel,” I told her, pressing my cloak against her side.
She rolled her eyes down, trying to see the wound. “Is it bad?”
I didn’t know how to answer. I debated telling her the truth, afraid she would give up the fight. My mouth flopped open and closed but nothing came out.
“Just a flesh wound,” Corweth answered for me. The hurt and pain in her eyes spoke the truth.
Messel knew it was bad. She laid her hand on her sister’s arm, and did her best to be brave and smile through the pain. “At least you’re safe, and that’s all that matters.”
We were losing her. Messel’s breath gurgled in her chest, and when she coughed, blood splattered. “Hang on, Messel. Help is coming,” I told her. Looking around the area, I saw an elf, though I didn’t know whether he was from Mirkwood or Lórien. It didn’t really matter. I called to him, demanding that he go and bring back a healer. The elf ran off somewhere. I hoped he’d find one in time.
Corweth held her sister’s head in her hands, crying as her tears landed on Messel’s face. “Don’t leave me, sister. What will I do alone? You are my twin, my second half.”
“You’ve always been the strong one,” Messel answered. “You’ll go on for the both of us. The war is not over. Mirkwood needs her daughter to fight for them.”
“You’ll fight again too,” I encouraged her. “We’ll get a healer and–”
“No, Rúmil. It’s too late for me. I can already feel the distant shores,” Messel said with peaceful calm.
“Messel, no,” Corweth cried.
Messel smiled, eyes crinkling at the corners. Whatever little bit of life force was left, she used it now, to be brave in the face of death and comfort Corweth. “We’ll be together again. I just know it. And we’ll finally have that day in the sun, running through the tall grass, barefoot, a crown of flowers upon our heads. You’ll see. I’ll be there waiting for you.” Messel closed her eyes.
“You must hold on,” I commanded. “You’ll not die here on this forsaken ground.”
Messel’s eyes opened half way and she reached her hand out to me, snaking it behind my head as she pulled me down to her. I had to release the pressure I was putting on the wound to lean down far enough, until my ear was close to her mouth. And with her dying breath, she whispered to me. “He … loves you … Rúmil. Legolas … loves you … so … much. He … he told me … before he left. Don’t … don’t give up on him.” She rushed the last words to say them before she lost consciousness. Then her breathing slowed, and I heard her release her last breath.
“Messel?” Corweth cried. “Oh no, Messel. Please … no. My sister, no.”
There was no point holding the cloak over the wound anymore. Messel was gone. I collapsed on the ground next to the sisters, and pulled Corweth’s head onto my shoulder. “She should have been with me,” I confessed. “She asked to go with me, but I told her to stay here, fight with her people, with you. I thought that’s where she belonged.”
Through her sobs, Corweth lifted her head to gaze up at me. “It is where she belongs.”
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Path of Honor-Part II: Far From Home