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A Familiar Longing	By : Ertia Category: -Multi-Age > Slash - Male/Male Views: 1442 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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The concept of Middle Earth and all of it's inhabitants belong to Tolkien. Not mine, nor shall they ever be.
For truly, one cannot own an Elf. They are free of heart and spirit, and as such... well, I'm not making any money or anything off them anyway, so don't bother with lawsuits.

Smut-free. No! I'm not running a fever! Nor have I lost my mind. Just feeling a bit angsty and needed someone to dump it on.

"A Familiar Longing"

Galadriels POV
She walked close to the window and looked out, willing herself not to see what she knew she would find there. He was walking in the moonlight that filtered through the high mallorn trees, his silver locks gleaming as his light blue robes swayed around him. She felt the familiar longing rising in her heart, and tried to swallow it back. It seemed that it had always been a part of her now. She couldn't remember a time without it; from the moment he had first caught her eye and she hadn't been able to tear her gaze away to the current moment, as he turned to touch a golden leaf, shining in the moonlight as though he were a part of it.
For a moment, she dared hope, dared wish that he would that he would look up and see her, gazing down upon him. But instead he turned and slipped into the trees. Her heart caught and she turned away from the window to sit at the table, the scattered correspondance ignored, as she closed her eyes wearily.

She roused slowly, blinking the sleep from her eyes. The softness of the bed, and the warmth of the coverlet soothed her and she turned over, looking to see the rising sun through the window. The door of the talan closed softly and she shut her eyes, blinking back the tears as she reached across the bed and knew he had not lain there that night. Still, his smile was warm as he entered the room, and came to sit on the bed beside her.
"Good morning, my beauty." He gently brushed her cheek with his fingers and she turned her head to meet his touch, luxuriating in it.
"Uivelen le, melleth nin." She said softly, although she did meet his eyes, afraid he would see the torment there. Bitterly, she told herself that he should see her torment, for he was the cause of it.
"Melin le." He replied, with a soft kiss on her forhead before rising and removing his robes, replacing them with a fresh robe in formal blue. "You are working too hard again, melleth. I found you asleep at the desk last night and carried you to bed."
"I was waiting for you." She replied softy, silently chastising herself for raw need that sprang to her voice. it didn't matter, for he hardly seemed to notice.
"I could not sleep." He answered, turning to face her. "Are you going to lie abed all day? The promotion ceremonies for the new wardens are this morning."
"Can you not manage them yourself?" She asked, carefully pulling herself upright. Without thought, the next words fell from her lips. "I am certain you and Haldir can manage quite well without me."
Celeborn paused in the act of braiding his hair, glancing at her reflection behind him in the mirror, his face still and devoid of response. "They deserve the blessing of their lady, melleth nin."
As quickly as he could, he braided his hair and left the talan, leaving her alone. She sat silent and aching, her arms wrapped around herself. Her maid in waiting knocked softly before entering, and laying a fresh gown.
"Come, my lady, let us do your hair." The elleth said softly, and Galadriel gave herself over to the ministrations of her maid, allowing her to wash her face, brush her hair, and dress her in a soft gown of iridescent white, trimmed with silver threads. Silver like the strands of his hair she thought.
Suddenly, she wanted the gown off. "Mirie, give me the yellow one. I don't want this one."
Mirie looked confused, but quickly fetched the soft yellow gown, the color of flowers.
"And not the mithril circlet. The gold one, with the emerald gems." Galadriel stood and looked to her reflection in the mirror. She had never thought herself beautiful. But she gave herself a small smile in the mirror, and shrugged her shoulders, letting them drop with a sigh.
"Mirie?" Galadriel turned to her maid, "How do I look to you?"
"Radiant, as always, My Lady." Mirie replied with a small curtsy. "Would you like to wear to wear the necklace with the citrine in it? It matches your gown, my lady."
Galadriel gave a genuine smile. "Yes, please, that will do, Mirie."
Giving herself a last glance in the mirror, Galadriel moved to leave the talan. If Celeborn was no longer able to see her, perhaps it was time to give him something different to see. If he would even look, that is. As she entered the great glade, the Guardians were already assembled, and she made her way steadily to Celeborn's side, smiling graciously at all and sundry.
Haldir moved forward, resplendent in his formal dress uniform. He spun formally, and called to the Guardians, who snapped to attention, bowing as one in respect for their lord and lady. Galadriel watched him closely, waiting for him to give himself away. Once apon a time, she had been able to drink his thoughts like water, but now he kept himself tightly away from her. If she had wished, she could have delved deeper, yet, she knew she was afraid of what she would find. A glance at Celeborn showed nothing, his features impassive as he looked over the carefully filed ranks. Not once did he glance at her. However had they come to this, the three of them?
One by one the new promotions were called from the ranks, and each came forward to recieve their Lord and Lady's blessing. Galadriel focused her energy on the protective blessing she offered each brave guardian, and wished them well. Her own personal concerns should not cloud this day for them. The continued survival of Lothlorien needed the goodwill of every Elf who dwelt therein.
At last, the painful morning drew to a close. Haldir dismissed his guardians and Celeborn gestured to him.
"Haldir, perhaps you would join us for some luncheon?"
Galadriel kept her expression neutral. How could she do this? How could she sit with both of them, watching them as they interacted with each other and left her alone in silence? She looked at Haldir, who's face gave away nothing, and Celeborn, who's eyes were on his March Warden. "If you will excuse me, I am not hungry. Enjoy your luncheon."
So saying she made her way gracefully and slowly from the glade, her gown flowing about her. As quickly as she could, she made her way to the Glade of the Mirror and sat before it. She poured in water, but did not dare to look, for fear of what she would see. It was wrong, she thought, for she loved them both, although Celeborn she had sworn her fea to, bound to him, borne his daughter...their beautiful daughter. With a soft moan, she dropped her head to her hands. Her thoughts tumbled in her head and she took a deep breath to still herself, only to discover that the moisture that flowed across her fingers was from her own tears. If she lost Celeborn, how could she survive?
She would sail, she thought. She would leave Middle Earth and be once again with her father in the beauty of Valinor. As if in denial, the ring upon her finger warmed and she groaned as she realized what a futile dream that was. She could not leave Middle Earth as long as the rings remained. Not without dooming some other poor soul to become a ring bearer, or without throwing it into the ocean in hopes that even Sauron's black power could not retrieve it. But no. A ring of power would always be found. There was no other way. If she could not sail, and she could not fade, then she would have to live.
But the thought of living without her beautiful Prince of Doriath filled her with an ache she could hardly bear.
At last, she rose, discovering that the day had faded away, and that the sun was glinting through the trees from a westerly slant. Bending to the spring, she lifted a few cool handfuls of water to her mouth and drank, before dashing the tears from her face and straightening her gown.
With measured steps, she left the glade, and returned to her talan. As she entered, she heard their laughter, the two voices she loved most to hear, only this time they were not laughing for her, or with her. Would they ever laugh with her again? Slamming the door unnecessarily, she went straight to her study and closed the door, all thoughts of nonchallantly joining them fleeing from her mind as she leaned both hands against the window frame and breathed deep of the sweet air of the wood.
The door to her study opened without preamble, and she did not move, did not acknowledge the presence that filled the doorway.
"Galadriel?" Haldir's voice was soft and respectful.
"Must you invade my private rooms?" She asked in her most imperious voice, still refusing to look at him.
There was a long moment of silence before her MarchWarden replied, calmly and without a hint of apology. "If you will not speak what is on your mind, then I am afraid I must."
It was not what she had expected, and she stilled, waiting. Long moments passed. "Well, what is it?"
"Will you not look at me, Galadriel?" The calm, the reserve, the steel determination that was Haldir, and all of the things that she loved about Haldir came through in those words and she shook her head.
"I cannot, Haldir." She admitted, her eyes focused on the flittering golden leaves beyond her window. "I cannot for I am afraid of what I will find should I look at you."
So wrapped up in her own thoughts, she did not notice when he came near until he placed strong hands on her slight shoulders. "I am still Haldir, Galadriel. I have not changed."
She knew he could feel the tremor that ran through her spine at his words.
"I am not taking him from you." Haldir whispered quietly. "I would never do that. He loves you."
Tears rolled silently and she took a gasping breath. "Then why does he no longer look at me? He spends his nights ... out... there..." And she gestured to the forest beyond the talan, and her voice broke, "with you."
Haldir squeezed her shoulders. "Nay. Not with me. With the forest. Rarely is he with me of late, except in my thoughts."
She drew back and turned in surprise, meeting Haldir's gaze in surprise. "Was he not with you last night?"
Haldir looked just as surprised as she. "Nay, my lady. I was half the night inspecting the guard for this morning's ceremony, and the rest of the night polishing and preparing my own regiment."
"Then there is another?" She asked, bewildered.
Haldir shook his head slightly. "Have you not asked him why he has not been with you?"
Ashamed, Galadriel looked away. "How can I? He never says more than a word to me, Haldir. I thought... I think...He's in love with you, and doesn't know how to tell me that his heart has changed."
Haldir shook his head again, a sad smile touching his lips. He took Galadriel's cold fingers into his strong hand and squeezed them. "How can you think such a thing, Lady? He is bound to you, you have borne his daughter. You are his heart and soul."
"Then why does he not show it?" She felt the tears sting her eyes again.
"Ask him." Haldir said firmly, once again the March Warden of Lorien.
"Yes." A gentle voice came from the door. "Ask me, melleth nin."
She glanced past Haldir, her breath catching as she saw him, standing in the doorway, his hands at his sides. His hair was loose and he was still in his formal robes, the delicate mithral circlet laying on his brow. Her heart pounded in her chest, that familiar longing, oh so familiar longing that she could hardly bear rising in the depths of her being. Silently, she prayed to the Valar for the strength to bear whatever the answer was, however painful."Celeborn, melleth nin, do you no longer love me?"
He closed his eyes for a moment and she felt her heart fall, crashing into her stomach and painfully jarring her entire body. Haldir's fingers closed tightly on her hand, steadying her as she waited.
Celeborn opened his eyes and gazed at her, opening his heart, his mind, his thoughts. "Galadriel, my soul, I love you ever and until the ends of the stars above. You are my reason, my courage, my strength. Do not ever doubt that I love you." With his words came an image of tiny golden flowers, the first he had given her; the image of her standing in her father's hall, when he first laid eyes upon her; the image of her lying tired and worn and nursing their tiny Celebr�an for the first time, and all of the other images of thousands of years in each others arms.
Galadriel felt the tears brink and overflow at the wave of love that poured from Celeborn as he stood, his hands open in front of him, as though he would reach for her. She somehow managed to finish her question, although the possible answers no longer frightened her so much. "Then why do you walk the woods each night, instead of finding solace in my arms? Why do you not meet my gaze when we dine together, or when we cross paths during the days?"
He shook his head then, glancing to Haldir, before looking back at her. "I was afraid you would not want me, melleth nin."
"Whatever could make me not want you?" She asked in disbelief. Then she glanced at Haldir, surprised by the look of guilt of his face, and on the face of her husband. "Because you love Haldir? I love him, too. Why have you shut me out?"
"Because of what we have done." Celeborn said softly. "I knew...if I dared to hold you,you would know. And I did not know how to tell you."
She looked from one to the other, her confusion growing. "What have you done? Melleth? Haldir?"
The Marchwarden flushed, looking ashamed. Celeborn cleared his throat, but it was Haldir who took her other hand and faced her with an answer. "Galadriel, I am afraid that I ... I have impregnated your husband."
Galadriel's hand yanked from Haldir's and flew up to slap him across the face. His head rocked back from the blow but he held his ground.
"I deserved that." He admitted.
"And you!" Galadriel shot Celeborn a sharp look. "You are very fortunate that I would never strike a pregnant elf!"
Celeborn winced.
"Boy or girl." Galadriel asked, stepping away from Haldir to cross her arms as she looked appraisingly at the both of them.
"A girl... I think." Celeborn said softly, sounding embarrassed, "I'm afraid I'm not very good at this."
"Hmmph. Should have thought about that before you two decided to concieve!" She reprimanded, much as she would to any errant border guard who found him or herself in the same position.
They both had the good grace to cringe. She brushed her hands firmly. "Well, thank the Valar that it's a girl. Otherwise we would have to redecorate Arwen's guest room entirely. Still, there are clothes to be considered, tutors, not to mention changing cloths! Oh, for Valars Sake, Celeborn, you aren't an Elfling any more! Did it even occur to you that we'll need to promote at least three more wardens to deal with the kingdom while you're off being Nana?"
"She's taking it well." Haldir said encouragingly to Celeborn, who merely gave him a pleading look to be silent.
Galadriel advanced on Celeborn, who somehow managed not to back away as she stepped right up to him and looked him in the eye. Although her gaze was fierce, her fingers were soft and tender as she reached out and stroked her fingers over his still flat abdomen. Somehow she managed to keep the smile from her voice as she felt the fea of the growing infant for the first time, although she could not keep the wonder from her eyes as she murmured softly, "Mae govannen, pen-neth. Welcome home."
Celeborn's arms wrapped around her, pulling her to his chest, clinging to her as though he were afraid she would slip away. When at last he drew back, she reached out, to include Haldir in the embrace. "Promise me, " She whispered, "Promise me that you will never leave me."
They both swore, ever and always, to love her, and she nestled in their embraces, knowing that their love would never change.
In the end, it was she who left them. Galadriel stood upon the deck of the ship, tears in her eyes, watching as the shore of Middle Earth faded from view, taking her further away from them. Beside her, Lord Elrond stood, gazing back as well, as the bittersweet parting from his own children took it's toll. "They will come when they can." He encouraged Galdadriel softly, "But there is much she has yet to do, working with Legolas in Ithilien. And they will not sail without her."
She leaned her head upon her son-in-law's shoulder and said the only words of comfort that she could."Come, mellon, let us look to the future. Celebr�an
awaits us."

Although she said the words brightly, and meant them, and although her fea was weary from long years of wielding the ring and keeping her people safe, she felt the familiar longing rising in her heart, and tried to swallow it back. It seemed it had always been a part of her, and she would not have it any other way.

yah.. I know. I hate mpregs. I dunno WHAT Haldir and Celeborn were thinking! *slaps Haldir again, just for good measure.*
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A Familiar Longing