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Falling In Love is Hard on the Knees	By : sarahjean Category: Lord of the Rings Movies > General Views: 3148 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the Rings book series and movie series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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*PROLOGUE*
I was about ten when I decided I had to grow up fast to survive. That isn�t necessarily a nice thing, I can tell you. Everyone needs their childhood. Hell, some adults even stay childish and immature. There�s a magic about the playful innocence of a child, don�t you think? Well, I suppose that isn�t all that wise coming from me, because I normally avoid children like they were the plague. I always have avoided them, since I was about eight years old. They didn�t like me, and in turn, I didn�t like them. I was always nice to them, so I didn�t really understand why they disliked me. Maybe it was because I was overweight. That was always an issue. Did you know my parents kept trying to bribe me to lose weight? Seriously.

I finally lost weight when I was fifteen. I had been out of school for god knows how long due to my anti-social habit of having panic attacks whenever I got afraid. I think I was out of school for something like four years. I did try, believe me. I tried so hard � I wanted my parents, my brothers and sister and my few friends to be so proud of me. Didn�t help. Eventually, I pulled my act together. It had been tough. I went through years of yo-yoing depression, self-harm and being really, really cruel to everyone. At one point, when I ran into a girl who picked on me, I really considered murder. I could have. My hand went to the bulge in my pocket, where my pocket knife was. But I let it go with a firm palmer to her face. I wasn�t cruel enough to kill. I always have been a bit of a softy when it came to defending myself. I�d let my brothers walk all over me, if I thought it would keep the peace.

Let�s talk about them, shall I? Just a quick history on me, before I tell my full story, so that you understand my reasons? I have three brothers and one sister. The oldest brother is Downes Syndrome. He used to be so fun, before he was abused at his training centre. Then he got Alzheimer�s disease. People tried to find out what happened, but it had all been covered up. We will never know what happened to Danny. Now he�s incontinent, in nappies. He cries a lot, whether it�s from memories or from pain in his gut, no one knows. He has a lot of lacerations in his stomach, a lot of pain. He vomits at least five times a day, though admittedly, that�s all because he makes himself vomit. No one knows why. He�s just gone mentally.

The next brother is Tommy. Now, I suppose Tommy is my favourite brother. Why am I picking favourites? I�ll tell you after the introductions. Tommy is bright, outgoing, funny, and rather crass at times. He tells all about his sexual experiences with his wife whether you want to hear them or not. He is married to Kimberly. I like Kimberly. No one else seems to � because she has strange moods where she�ll be really friendly one minute, then hostile the next. She has never been hostile to me though. She and my sister hate each other, with a capitol H. But we�re friends, and we have what we call Harry Potter days � where we gather and speak of the famous books, because we both love them. Tommy and Kimmy have a son, Reiss. I adore Reiss � he�s sweet, funny, kind, never raises his hand, and he�s quite an artist � even at four years old.

Back to Tommy. Tommy is quite successful � a salesman, but he earns good money. He can be quite generous, and he�s very caring. I remember a time when we were arguing so much my mum threatened to crack our heads together. But now we�re inseparable. And because he understands the trouble at home, where business with Danny and everyone else (I�ll explain in a minute) gets me down, he even made a skeleton key for his house and gave it to me.

The other brother is Jack. He used to be my favourite brother. I always used to think that in all of England, there was no one quite like him. But he changed. Like me, Jack was always � and probably will always be � a loner. Mainly because of lack of confidence, anti-social behaviour, and kind of politeness that is too polite, if you get my meaning. He then discovered the internet. Let�s just say, he discovered a woman in America and decided to pack up everything � family, friends, job � to go to America and probably one day end up marrying her. We all thought he was crazy. Not only because, well, who in their right mind would hitch all the way to America for a woman on the internet? Who has two kids and is still married, for heaven�s sake? Not to mention what Mark said. Mark was Jack�s friend � I�ll tell more about him after my family. Mark had learned that this woman had pulled men off the net before, and that she did it regularly. Jack, of course, ignored Mark. Even neglected him. This annoyed me very much, because me and everyone else aside from Jack knew there was something stinky in the whole thing. I�d talked to this woman online as well. She was too saccharine and quick to agree for my liking. Eventually, though, his infatuation mysteriously sizzled out, through some argument instigated by her. Jack is still withdrawn and abrasive at times, but at least he got smart. For the time being, anyway.

My sister Penny. Penny is probably my second favourite, and that is what confuses me. See, Penny is the one who overshadows me. My family never sees me so long as she is in the room. They think the sun shines out of her ass. In some of my more nastier moods, I could point out that she bleeds off the family, wheedling money, using us as babysitters, and that she is jobless, stuck with a man twice her age - Rob, constantly in depression, sharp of tongue and quite abrasive. She made me cry a lot in the past, though I never gave her the satisfaction of seeing it.

She has two kids, Leela and Jessie. Both of which she had post-natal depression with and they were left with us to raise. Now, I can say a lot about those kids. Leela was sweet at first, but she grew up to her four years of age being rude, spiteful, and quite annoying. I told you I had trouble at school with bullies, right? Well, Leela only had to hit me three times and that was it. I didn�t want to know anymore. That�s the way it is. I did try later on, but she repeated the performance. Jessie is only three months old, but she smiles, coos, laughs, cries, and farts, but I still love her. I just hope she doesn�t grow up to be abrasive like her sister.

Anyway, Penny. Penny, overshadowing me as the perfect daughter, turned to me. I became her agony aunt, her babysitter, the one to turn to when in doubt. And I let her. I may be resentful, but I�m not callous. And when the mood hits Penny right, she can be funny, nice, and a true sister.

My parents. My dad, Wes, is one of those old-fashioned men. He�s one of the most patient, kind men in the world. I�d be lucky to find a man half as decent as him. But he has a problem with saying no. Especially when it comes to Leela and Penny. Dad also uses me as an agony aunt sometimes, saying I�m smart and that to have a good perspective. I listen to him, talking about Danny (whom he has to care for 24/7, and it�s slowly wearing him down � he�s beginning to give up) and problems with mum. I listen because I like the attention � I rarely get it, after all. Aside from that, he�s all Penny Penny Penny.

My mum, Abby, is a strange fish. She always used to be one of those kind people who also had an authority and a warning streak that is appropriate of a mother. I always felt neglected by her though. I definitely feel it now. She hit a nervous breakdown after my favourite uncle died, and spent four months in a psychiatric ward, threatening to kill herself and the like. Those bastard nurses told her it was Danny�s fault, and she�s been wanting him out of the house ever since. Mum sticks me in the middle sometimes, and I hate it. I used to look after her in her breakdown, sitting with her whilst she bathed, looking after her. It go so that when she recovered (if she ever recovered) I was worried every time she left the house. She�s still distant, and she seems to shun all responsibility. She didn�t like Danny�s nightly habits of getting up in the middle of the night in the bedroom next to hers and dad�s. So she cleared out the storage room and turned it into a bedroom.

That�s my family. How can I not pick favourites when some excel the others so much, in my opinion?

Let me move on to friends. I�ll start with my friend Berry. Berry has ME, and she�s in a wheelchair. She may not be able to move about much, but she is so much like myself it�s scary. We think alike, like the same stuff, and treat each other as sisters. She�s helped me through many emotional problems, and I hope that in turn I have helped her too.

My cousin Thalia. I�ve known her all my life and we�ve always kept in contact through letters. But I don�t really trust her. Some things I will tell her, but she only knows about two fifths of my problems. We argue a lot because we�re opposites, and she can be very stuck up. She thinks she�s the queen of her town, and when people get egos like that, it makes me very angry. There�s a lot I wouldn�t tell her, simply because I don�t see her trustworthy. I love her, but there�s only so much you can do. She would choose the worst boyfriend over our friendship.

And now Mark, Jack�s friend. It seems unfair to mention him at this late point. Remember I said that I eventually pulled my act together? It was because of Mark. After Jack neglected him, I took to talking to him over the internet. We talked a lot, and he agreed with me on so much that I realised I had a valuable friend. He was at our house more than he was at his. When I told him I had been offered a pre-sixteen spot at college, he encouraged me vigorously. I was considering it seriously. Then I had a sharp shove that made me make my mind up.

On New Year�s Day Mark died of cancer. His eight year battle ended abruptly when I parasite caught in Majorca attacked his immune system with the cancer. I cried myself to sleep for weeks. I became withdrawn, unhappy. Jack wasn�t there for the cremation. At that time, he was in America with his internet lady.

I would spend nights staring at my copy of Lord of the Rings and remember how Mark loved it. When I read it, I could see why.

And one day, I sat up, and thought, yes. I will go to college for you, Mark. I went to the interview, a day before my birthday. And started college. It was very hard, throwing myself in at the deep end. But I learned to swim. Not literally. I can�t swim for the life of me. But I soon started piecing myself back together again.

So that is my history, or at least, a little of it. I won�t say much about myself, because in this story, you will get to know me anyway. But I will say this � if I seem like two different people at times, that�s because I am. It�s up to you to decide which one is real.

This is my story about how my life changed drastically one day when my life started to take a nose-dive. This is my story of love, hate, passion, violence, death, and that little word �goodbye�.
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Falling In Love is Hard on the Knees