Adult-FanFiction.org : Lord of the Rings

Making Choices	By : elvenjade Category: +Third Age > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 1424 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I own nothing and make no money from these stories. Everything related to LOTR is owned by J.R.R Tolkien

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
Disclaimer: Tolkien owns them and I play with them.

Title: Making Choices.

Author: Jade (elladansgirl)

Email: elladansgirl@live.com

Beta: Jaiden_S

Rating: R/NC-17

Pairing: Elladan/OFC, Elladan/Glorfindel

Warning: Angst, sex, Het, Slash, Character death (implied)

Feedback: Live for it!

Summary: The twins have chosen differently and Elladan is not sure he can accept this as well as having to deal with everything else.
A/N: This story is a prequel to a story I wrote a while back called "A Moment in Time."
Chapter 1
Elladan knew there was something on Elrohir’s mind, he could feel it.  He had been feeling it for some time now as he waited for Elrohir to come to him.  His twin could be as stubborn as their father at times and would not be pushed into discussing anything until he was ready.  Elladan was trying to be patient and not rush his twin, but it was not easy.
They had been through many things together. They suffered after finding their mother bruised and beaten.  They stood side by side as they watched the ship that took her away from them. They hunted the orcs together, wanting the foul creatures to feel as much pain as the twins could deliver.  They learned to rely on each other for many things after that, each always knowing when they were needed.
It was not only bad times they shared but also plenty of happy ones. They had many great memories of spending time in Lorien with their grandparents. They were also very protective brothers to their younger sibling, Arwen, though she often complained of their over protectiveness. Just recently, they had watched as she married Aragorn after they had escorted her to Gondor. She had chosen a mortal life to be with her love. Though Elladan still had his doubts about her choice, it was still her choice to make.
It was soon afterward when Elrohir began acting differently. He was often more quiet than usual and would spend more time alone than with Elladan or any of the others.  At first Elladan thought it was how different Imladris felt after Arwen left and with their father's impending departure. When he tried to speak to his twin about his concerns, Elrohir often flashed him a calming smile and assured him that all was well.  Elladan was not so sure, and his concern grew as more time had passed.
It was just a few short weeks after Arwen's wedding, and the twins found that saying goodbye to their father, Elrond, the day he left had not been easy.  The twins knew of their father’s pain over losing their sister, his only daughter.  Elladan had a brief chance to speak with his father before he sailed. He told Elrond of his concerns for Elrohir. As he always did, Elrond had merely embraced his oldest son and told him that everything happens for a reason, even if that reason was not always clear. That was not the reply Elladan had been looking for, but he decided it was easier to simply embrace his father rather than to add to his worries.
Though he knew Elrohir had also spoken to their father, he had neither asked nor been told what their conversation had been about. Elrohir was entitled, just as he was, to have one last private moment with their father.  Neither of them knew when or if they would see Elrond again. Arwen had made her choice; the twins had yet to make theirs.
Elladan knew that day would be soon and as promised to each other, the twins had vowed to once again stand side by side as they made their choice. He assumed their choice would be the same; however, at times he had his doubts. Over the years, the twins had lived both among the elves and among men. The twins had managed to fit in with both races yet Elrohir seemed more at ease among men. The thought that Elrohir might chose the life of a mortal had crossed Elladan's mind more than once. Elladan felt his place was among the elves but what if he was wrong? What if they did choose differently? No matter how much he tried, Elladan could not stop these questions from entering his mind.
It was a gentle nudge from Elrohir that pulled Elladan out of his thoughts. They stood silently as they watched their father board the ship. They each waved in return to him as he stood looking back towards them.  Elladan was pleased that Erestor had decided to sail with Elrond. He also knew his father was pleased when Glorfindel decided to stay behind with the twins and watch over them as he had all their lives.  They stood looking out over the water long after the ship had gone beyond their sight.  It was only when Glorfindel placed a hand on their shoulders that they knew it was time to return home.
Finding it too quiet, Elladan had trouble sleeping that first night. Twice he had found himself at his father’s chamber door only to realize he was no longer there to greet him, no longer there to assure him that things would work out for him, or that things would once again go back to as they were before.  Making his way to his balcony, Elladan  looked out over the valley.  He could easily picture the way the realm had been. There wasn’t a day that went by that the elves of Imladris weren't busy preparing for some celebration or feast. Now, his home felt cold and empty.
Many elves still remained, though he was not sure for how long. Elrond’s reason for leaving had been his need to be reunited with his wife. Elladan wondered now if his father had not seen what the future held for Imladris and decided he could not bear to watch it, leaving that duty to his sons.
“At some point, you will need sleep.” Elrohir spoke quietly as he came up behind his twin. He had seen Elladan wandering the halls and followed him back to Elladan’s room.
“As will you,” Elladan replied as he turned to face his twin.  He noticed now that Elrohir looked just as tired as Elladan felt yet neither of them could find enough peace to sleep.
“You are concerned,” Elrohir commented. He could see it clearly in his twin’s eyes
“Should I not be?” Elladan asked. “I can feel it ‘Ro, something bothers you. Why will you not talk to me?”
Elladan watched his twin and for a brief moment he thought Elrohir was about to say something. He sighed when his twin merely shook his head and let out a deep breath
“It is nothing,” Elrohir told him. “Too many changes at once. It is a lot to take in,” he added.
As Elrohir stepped closer, Elladan closed his eyes as his younger twin placed a light kiss on his forehead. He watched as Elrohir turned and left the balcony and eventually left Elladan’s room.  Sighing softly, Elladan once again turned to look out over the valley. He was more concerned about Elrohir than he had been before and he had no idea what to do about it.
He no longer had his father to turn to for advice, nor was Erestor there to speak with either.   Perhaps he could speak with Glorfindel, though it would not be at that moment. Glorfindel had said his goodbye to two of his dearest friends earlier and Elladan wanted to give him some time to himself. He was sure they had plenty of time to figure things out. Little did he know at the time, just how wrong he was.
Elladan’s dreams had been anything but peaceful. He could see Elrohir in the distance but no matter how hard he tried, Elladan could not reach his twin.  He could see Elrohir trying to tell him something and Elladan became frustrated when he could not hear what his twin was trying to say.  The dream began to fade just after he saw Elrohir tilt his head and wave in his direction.
“I have this dream every night,” Elladan told Glorfindel a few days later. Elladan looked as tired as he felt and Glorfindel had noticed this. The golden elf had finally had Elladan sit down and speak about what was bothering him
“Have you spoken to Elrohir about this dream?” Glorfindel asked, offering Elladan a glass of wine after he had poured one for each of them.
“No, I have not.” Elladan shook his head. “He seems distracted and I do not wish to burden with this,” he added, sipping the wine slowly. “It is nothing but a bad dream.”
“Are you trying to convince me of this, or yourself?” Glorfindel asked ignoring the look that Elladan gave him. “Your father had the gift of foresight.”
“This was not a vision,” Elladan replied, his tone sounding harsher than he had wished for.
Elladan sipped his wine slowly and could feel Glorfindel watching him. Sighing softly, Elladan took his wine with him as he moved to the window. He closed his eyes briefly as he felt Glorfindel’s hand on his shoulder.  It comforted him more than he had ever admitted to the older elf and even now, he still said nothing
“You both have barely spent any time together lately,” Glorfindel said. “Perhaps that is what the dream is about. Why not take some time and go off hunting with Elrohir?” he suggested
“I believe you are right,” Elladan replied, turning slowly to face Glorfindel. “We’ve both been distracted with everything that needs to be done.” he added.
“Then go find your twin and spend some time with him,” Glorfindel told him. “Let me worry about everything else.”
“Thank you, Glorfindel.” Elladan said quietly. He took a step closer and held Glorfindel in a tight embrace. He had not hugged Glorfindel that way since he had been an elfling. He was secretly pleased, though, when Glorfindel returned the gesture.
“Go,” Glorfindel told him, pulling back slowly, “and enjoy spending the day with him.”
Elladan nodded before he handed the empty glass to Glorfindel. He did like the idea of spending time with his twin, yet, a small part of him wanted to stay where he was with Glorfindel as well. He only now realized the fire burning and the warmth then seemed to surround him. The room itself was welcoming and as he glanced back at Glorfindel, he could see how relaxed the other elf was.
With his glass in one hand, Glorfindel was now leaning back in his chair. His head was tilted back and from where Elladan stood, he saw that the golden elf's eyes were closed. The long golden hair, that Elladan had always admired, had been left loose. It was easy to picture the golden strands lying against Glorfindel's chest, if only his tunic had been not been buttoned.
Opening his eyes, Glorfindel thought he head Elladan chuckle lightly. He lifted his head in time to see the door close behind Elladan as the younger elf left.
~ * ~ * ~ *
“She still admires you,” Elrohir said suddenly. The twins were on the fourth day of their hunting trip. Their plan had been to be gone for three days only, however, neither one of them was in a rush to return and they took their time on the way home.
“And who would that be?”  Elladan asked, arching an eyebrow as he glanced over at his brother. It was late and they had fallen back into the habit of talking into the late hours of the night. They had stopped a short while ago and set up camp for the night. After making something to eat, both were resting on their bed rolls that had been placed close to the fire.
“Sirwen,” he replied, grinning at first then laughing when Elladan had rolled his eyes. “If I remember correctly, you once had a thing for her as well.”
“That feels like it was a lifetime ago,” Elladan sighed. He turned onto his side so he was facing his twin. He grinned when Elrohir had also turned to face him at almost the same time.
“That’s a long time to make an elleth wait, Elladan,” the younger twin teased. “Did you ever take her out for the ride you had promised?” he asked.
“And just how would you know about that?” Elladan questioned him. “You were listening?”
Elrohir glanced at his twin, trying to judge his reaction. When he saw Elladan trying to hold back a grin, Elrohir burst out laughing
“Of course,” he admitted. “You, however, still have not answered me,” he pointed out. “Did you both go riding?”
“No,” Elladan replied, turning onto his back to stare up at the stars. “Too much happened afterward and to be honest, I forgot.”
Elrohir watched as Elladan had rolled onto his back. He continued to rest on his side as he silently looked at Elladan, who now seemed to be lost in his own thoughts.
“For all it’s worth,” Elrohir said after a while, “I always thought you would both make a good couple.” He saw Elladan slowly turn his head towards him. “Then again, I once said the same thing about you and Glorfindel.”
“Will you ever stop reminding me?” Elladan asked him. Only his twin knew of the feelings Elladan once had for Glorfindel. He used to find any reason to be around Glorfindel, whether it had been to tell the older elf about his day, or to find comfort when he was upset. It was always Glorfindel that Elladan went to, even before going to his own father.
“Good night, Elladan.” Elrohir chuckled as he turned onto his side and, within minutes, drifted off to sleep.
It was another two days before they returned to Imladris and led two very tired horses into the stables.  As he had often done, Glorfindel came out to meet them.  Both twins chuckled when Glorfindel looked them over slowly. It had always been his way to make sure they were not injured in anyway.
“Looks like some old habits never die,” Elrohir chuckled, greeting Glorfindel.  As he turned, he grinned when he saw the elleth watching them and motioned to him.
“She has waited long enough, Elladan,” he told his twin then rolled his eyes when Elladan didn't move. “Sirwen come,” he called out to her “I must speak with Glorfindel, but, it is late and I would not have you walk home alone. Elladan will see you home.”
Elladan glared at his twin, but Elrohir merely gave him an innocent grin. Anything Elladan had thought to say would have to wait as Sirwen had moved to stand next to Elladan
“Just remember what I told you,” Elrohir chuckled as he turned to leave. He stopped and looked back when Elladan called to him.
“Training field tomorrow morning,” Elladan reminded him. “You promised.”
“And I shall always keep any promise I make to you,” Elrohir told him, suddenly becoming serious. “Just as I will always be here when I am needed.”
Elrohir’s last comment brought back all of the worries that Elladan had for his twin. He started to say something but Elrohir had already turned and was heading inside with Glorfindel following.
“Is everything alright?” Sirwen asked softly. She gave Elladan a gentle smile, then wrapped her arm around his.
“I am sure things are fine,” he said, though he did not sound particularly sure. “For now, my only duty is to get you home safely.”
Sirwen giggled, bowed her head slightly and allowed him to turn with her and slowly walk her home.  Neither one of them noticed that Elrohir watched silently until they were out of sight.
~ * ~
“They did not!”  Sirwen said, trying to stop laughing long enough to take a few deep breaths
“They did,” Glorfindel continued, ignoring the look that Elladan was giving him. “Erestor’s hair always had a blue shine to it from that moment on,” he chuckled, “and he never again trusted them with any kind of soap.”
Elladan shook his head and rolled his eyes as Glorfindel flashed him an innocent grin. The golden haired elf seemed to enjoy telling Sirwen stories of the trouble the twins had caused when they were younger. Sirwen, he knew, enjoyed hearing them and Elladan had to admit he enjoyed hearing her laugh.
The three of them looked up just as Elrohir had joined them. The twins greeted each other first before the younger twin greeted the others. He had traveled to Gondor briefly. The journey had been for trading purposes, but Elrohir had taken the opportunity to visit Arwen.
“How are things in Gondor,” Glorfindel asked as Elrohir took a seat “and with your sister?”
“Things are well in the White City,” Elrohir replied, taking the glass of wine that Elladan now offered him. “Arwen sends her love and she is expecting,” he gladly told them. “Aragorn will soon have a son, though I did ask if he hoped for twins,” he added. “He did not seem thrilled with the idea.  Arwen found it all rather amusing.”
Elladan chuckled as Elrohir told them more about his journey to Gondor. He sighed quietly as he thought of Arwen. It had been years now since he had seen her and hearing his twin mention her, made Elladan realize how much he missed his youngest sibling.
As he watched his twin, Elladan noticed the way that Elrohir spoke of Gondor. He could hear the excited tone in his brother’s voice. He had also not failed to notice the sparkle in Elrohir’s eyes, something he had not seen in a long time.  It was obvious that the visit to Rohan had been good for Elrohir and the youngest of the twins seemed much more relaxed than he had been in quite some time.
“You are already planning to return?” Elladan asked, having heard Elrohir tell this to Glorfindel.
“I promised Arwen I would return after her son is born.” Elrohir replied “The invitation to visit our nephew was for us both, Elladan, not just me.”
Elladan did not give his twin a reply, not sure what to say or why he could not shake the feeling that had moved through him. He glanced over at Sirwen when she slid her hand into his and gave his a light squeeze. He was not sure Sirwen would fully understand his hesitation. He longed to see his sister again would welcome his nephew to the family. It was the thought of seeing how Arwen may have aged since he last saw her that stopped him. The feeling that Elrohir was eager to return also worried him. He once again wondered if Elrohir preferred the company of men instead of the elves they had grown up with.
“I need to catch up on some sleep,” Elrohir said as he stood and stepped away from the table. “The journey home was uneventful, but it seemed longer than usual.”
He watched his twin leave first then stood up, still holding Sirwen’s hand. “I promised you a walk by the lake before I took home,” he told her, kissing her hand softly as she stood up as well. They both wished Glorfindel a good night before they left the hall together.
“You said you would stop your worrying about him when he returned,” Sirwen said softly as they walked slowly along the lake.
“I know,” Elladan sighed. He stopped walking and had slowly eased his arms around her. “I have every intention of stopping,” he told her. “Only now I have this bad feeling that something will happen soon.”
“Perhaps you can sense that you must make a choice soon,” Sirwen replied, reaching up to play with some of his hair. “I believe the two of you have put it off for far too long now.”
Elladan tilted her head up to face him. He could see the concern in her eyes as well as the fear.  He wanted to tell her right at that moment what he felt his choice was going to be. However he made the promise, years earlier, that Elrohir would be the first to be told. Though he had enjoyed his time among men and had been interested in their history, he had always felt more himself when he was among the elves.
“It is late, Elladan.” she whispered softly. She knew not to push this subject with him and the thought that he could choose to live as a mortal still worried her.  She knew his feelings for her were true, as hers were for him. Still, she had made him promise to follow his heart when the time came.
“I will walk you home,” Elladan replied as he reached for her hand. When she shook her head, he raised an eyebrow in reply.
“You will kiss me first, then walk me home,” she told him, purring softly when Elladan pulled her back against him
“As you wish,” he whispered into her ear. He tilted her head back slowly, then kissed her. He felt her shiver against him as the kiss deepened slowly, both elves moaning quietly just as it ended.
“Sleep well,” Elladan whispered into her ear once they had reached her house. “Come to the stables tomorrow,” he told her, watching as she reached behind her to open her door. “I will have our horses ready to go riding.”
“Until tomorrow then.” She smiled at him then giggled as he kissed her again. “Enough,” she whispered softly. “Go home, Elladan,” she told him, pushing him back gently.
Taking her hand and kissing it softly, Elladan waited until she had stepped inside her home and closed the door then turned to return to his own. He stopped briefly when he thought he heard Sirwen. When he had heard nothing else, he continued on his way.
“Are you trying to scare me to death?” Sirwen hissed at Elrohir once he had removed his hand from her mouth. She had not expected anyone to be in her home and had almost screamed when he had touched her shoulder. “Why are you even here?”
“I must ask you to do something for me,” Elrohir replied, his voice sounding almost desperate. “I would not ask if it were not important,” he added. “Go to him tonight, Sirwen please.”
“Why tonight?” She asked, seeing the panic in his eyes. “I am to see him in the morning.”
Elrohir shook his head as he took both her hands into his. He took a deep breath and had closed his eyes briefly. He had known for days now that it was time to make their choice. Not only would he choose differently from his twin but he would be breaking a promise as well. His heart and destiny was among men, it always had been. It was a fact he had tried to keep hidden from his twin to keep from hurting him. This was the reason he would also break his promise. He knew he would not be able to handle seeing the pain in Elladan's eyes when he made his choice. He had seen the pained looked in his own father's eyes whenever Elrond had spoken of his twin, Elros.
“He will know, Sirwen. He will feel my choice,” he told her, “and he will need you.” He nodded when she looked up at him suddenly, knowing she now understood. “I know what his choice will be; I have always known,” he told her. “I knew just from the way he looks at you. It even shows in the way he watches over this realm, just as our father had.”
Sirwen could see how much it was hurting him to know his choice would not be the same as his twin’s. She wiped away her own tears before she reached up and hugged him tightly
“Take me to him,” she whispered softly, suddenly wanting to be close to Elladan even before Elrohir made his choice. She would not tell him why she was there, though she had the feeling she may not have to. Elladan would know soon enough that the time had come, their choices must be made.
~ * ~
Sirwen had to take a few deep breaths before she slowly opened his door. Elrohir had given her his key and she made her way quietly inside. She thought he would still have been awake and it surprised her to find him already in his bed.  He seemed to be resting peacefully and she did not have the heart to wake him, not yet anyway. She should not have been surprised that he knew she was there, yet she still gave a startled cry when he suddenly pulled her onto the bed with him.
“Remind me to thank my twin later.” Elladan grinned at her
“Your twin?” she asked sounding more nervous than she would have liked.
“He is the only one who had the extra key,” Elladan replied. “This key,” he added as he placed his hand over her hand that held the key.
“If you would rather I not be here...” she began to say before he cut her off, making her moan softly as he kissed her.
“Having you here was the second wish I made this night,” he whispered softly into her ear.
“Your second wish?” she asked, trying not to lose focus as she could feel him kissing slowly along her neck. She shivered as she gasped his name softly. “What was your first wish?”
“To make my choice,” he replied. “To finally decide what path to take.”  He turned her head back to face him when she had looked away. “I chose immortality, Sirwen,” he said, wiping her tears. “I knew the moment I came home tonight what life I wanted to live.”
Sirwen smiled at him, wanting to enjoy this moment with him.  She closed her eyes when he leaned over and kissed her, sighing softly when he moved to kiss along her neck.
“Elladan,” she gasped lightly, lifting his head so he was looking at her. She could see the relief in his eyes now that he had made his choice but the thought of what else he would soon be feeling broke her heart.
He kissed her again, tenderly this time, then turned her onto her side and pressed up against her back. He grinned at the way she shivered against him as he kissed the back of her neck.
“Stay with me tonight,” he whispered into her ear, “just like this. I want to enjoy waking up with you beside me.”
Sirwen nodded silently, not trusting herself to speak at the moment.  She started to say that they should get some sleep when she felt him tense suddenly then start shaking as he held her. She knew he could feel Elrohir make his choice.
“Elladan?” she called out when she heard him whimper behind her. She turned slowly to face him, running her hand through his hair. She had tears in her own eyes when she saw his. Her heart ached for him when she watched his eyes close slowly as he whispered Elrohir’s name.
“Please,” she whispered softly, kissing the top of Elladan’s head. He had finally stopped shaking as he slept, but it was Sirwen who could not stop shaking now. “Please,” she repeated softly, “do not regret the choice you made.” She whispered into his ear as he slept restlessly.
~ * ~ * ~
He felt the others watching him closely, though some hid it better than others.  He had barely spoken to anyone since that night. He was not even sure what to say that would make things any easier.  He did not doubt that those around him knew what Elrohir’s choice had been. The tension he felt in the air now was the same he had felt after Arwen had chosen the life of a mortal as well.  He had understood her choice, she followed her heart out of love, however, he could not even begin to understand why his own twin had not chosen immortality.
“What is this?” Elladan asked as Glorfindel dropped the sealed message on his desk.  It was rare for him to be speaking with others while in his study these days. Looking up at the older elf, he saw it was clear that Glorfindel was not going to back down.  Elladan knew that look of defiance in Glorfindel’s eyes all too well.
“From your twin,” Glorfindel replied, silently daring Elladan to try and make him return it. He folded his arms over his chest as he glared at the oldest of the twins. “Since you refuse to speak with him then perhaps you will read what he has to say.”
“And if I don’t?” Elladan questioned. He reached out and ran his hand over the note but did not pick it up.
“Then, Elladan, I will read it to you.” Glorfindel’s reply came out as a growl.  “If you wish to understand his choice then you will either read the letter or you will speak with him,” he added. “It is the only way.”
Glancing once more towards the letter, Elladan could not give Glorfindel a reply.  He knew, of course, that Glorfindel was right. Only Elrohir could speak of his reasons for choosing as he had. Elladan's’ concern was that if he listened to what his twin would say then he would have no excuse to be angry with him. He did not want to have to face the fact that Elrohir would age and would die as a result.
“He leaves in one week’s time.” Glorfindel’s voice cut into Elladan’s thoughts. “He feels the tension here, as we all do,” Glorfindel continued. “He feels it would be best if he leaves, though I have tried to tell him otherwise. Perhaps if you try…” he added as he left, closing the door quietly behind him.
It was a long few minutes before Elladan looked away from the door. His hand was still resting on the letter written by his twin. The answers he wished for could very well be written in Elrohir’s own words. There was still something that held Elladan back from opening the letter.  He just was not ready to face the truth just yet.
With the letter tucked into the inside pocket of his tunic, Elladan left his study.  He quietly made his way down the halls then slipped outside the manor. His plan had been to make his way down to the stables and perhaps find some peace while out for a ride.  It was not the stables where he found himself, walking instead down the paths of the old garden.  He could picture how it used to be, flowers lining the paths from beginning to end.  Now, it was overrun by vines and weeds.  Since his mother had sailed, then his father, the garden had not been cared for.  He realized now how much he missed seeing the flowers, how his mother’s roses had always been in full bloom no matter what the season.
Finding the old fallen tree, Elladan turned and leaned against it.  He had a good view of the manor from where he stood and the sight was heartbreaking.  Imladris had always been full of life. Elves, men and the occasion dwarf or even hobbit could be seen wandering down the many paths.  Plans for a celebration were always being made, no matter what the reason.  Now it felt as if the residents of Imladris were merely living there and keeping to themselves.
“Would you like some company?”  Sirwen asked softly as she slowly walked towards him.  She noticed that he had not been aware of her approach. In the past, only Glorfindel had even been able to sneak up on the twins. Now it seemed that almost everyone could.
“I would,” Elladan said, taking her hand once she had stood before him.
Sirwen gave him a small gentle smile as he lifted her hand and kissed the back of it softly. Reaching out, she ran her hand slowly though his hair, allowing him to guide her to him and sighed as she felt his arms move slowly around her
“It does not have to be this way, Elladan,” she whispered softly, knowing what was on his mind. “Will you not talk to him?”
“I have thought of it,” he admitted as he sighed softly. “For the first time in many years, I find myself not knowing what to say to him.”
With both hands in his hair, Sirwen tilted his head back and gently kissed his forehead.  She knew the effect this was having on him, on both of them.  She had seen the pain in Elrohir’s eyes and it matched the pain in Elladan’s as well.
“Perhaps you will find the words once you see him,” she said. “Do not wait until it is too late,” she added quietly.
“He wrote a letter.” Elladan sighed, leaning into her touch as she played with some of his hair
“I know of the letter,” she admitted.” It was me who suggested he allow Glorfindel to bring it to you,” she said, smiling as he looked at her and arched his eyebrow. “He is the only elf I know who would dare just walk into your study whether he was invited or not.”
Despite the stress he was feeling, the heartbreak of his brother’s choice, Elladan managed to laugh at her reply. The innocent look she was giving him had no effect. He knew she was far from being as innocent as she would have others believe.
Keeping her hand in his, Elladan pushed off the tree and started back towards the manor, walking slowly along the path with Sirwen at his side. She always had a way of making him feel better, whether it was with soft spoken words or just a comforting touch.
“Too many changes he told her quietly. He stopped halfway back and turned on the path to face her. “It does not feel like home anymore,” he added.
“Only you can change that,” she told him, touching his cheek softly before she trailed her fingers along his jaw slowly. “Your father left you in charge of the realm. The land feels what you feel,” she added “If you wish for it to be as it once was, then change this mood you are in.”
Elladan rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes when he felt her hands move gently through his hair. Sighing gently, he wrapped his arms around her and eased her against him, embracing her tenderly.
“Go speak with him,” she whispered into his ear softly.  “You will only regret it if you don’t.” She felt him take her hand in his again and she took a step back. “Do not let him leave here thinking you hate him.”
“I do not hate him.” Elladan replied as they started back towards the manor.
“We all know this,” Sirwen replied, “but it is not me you need to say this to.”
Once they made their way back inside, Elladan had been about to head once more to his study when Sirwen stopped him.
“It is late,” she said softly. “Take the letter to read tonight, and then in the morning, go see your twin,” she whispered before kissing his cheek.
Elladan could only stand there as he watched her walk away towards her own room. He wondered why at times she even put up with how he was yet he was grateful to have her in his life.
This was not the first time she had given him plenty to think about, nor would it be the last. Making sure the letter was still tucked in his pocket, Elladan did as she had suggested and headed towards his own room. He stopped at his door and looked down the hall. He could see Elrohir’s door from where he stood.  He knew his twin was in his own room and he was tempted to go and check in on him.
Pushing his door open, he let out a deep breath as he stepped into his room.  It had only been his room for the last few years. It had belonged to his father before he had sailed. It had not been easy to take this room as his own. The memories of his family were still fresh in his mind. It had been Glorfindel and Elrohir who had helped him to adjust.
As he looked around now, he saw the tiny differences.  As his father, Elladan had some books on healing that were sitting neatly in an old bookshelf.  He added a few of his own things over the years, his old weapons he once trained with were now on display with some hanging on the walls.  Different items he had been given or found from the days when he and Elrohir would travel to other realms.
Everywhere he looked now was a memory of someone he had lost or was about to lose. His mother had been the first to sail, though there had been no other choice. Arwen left them to live in Gondor with Aragorn. It was not long after that that their father sailed as well and now Elrohir had made his choice and was also choosing to leave Imladris.
Seeing that he still held the unopened letter in his hand, Elladan let it drop to the floor. He did not know how much time he spent just staring down at the letter. He started to reach down to pick it up then stopped himself.
“No!” He growled, kicking the letter away from him. He reached up and undid the braids in his hair. He had been about to pull his tunic off  when he glanced back towards his door then turned and walked out of his room
He stopped just in front of Elrohir’s door. Shaking his head, Elladan turned the handle and made his way inside. He watched as his twin got up quickly and came over to greet him.
“The letter?” Elrohir asked quietly as he watched Elladan closely.
“I have not read it yet,” Elladan told him honestly. “I am not sure I even will.”
“Elladan…” The younger of the two started to say more but was stopped as Elladan held his hand up.
“I may have been stubborn these last few weeks,” Elladan began, “however, I was not the only one. You did not make too much of an effort to speak with me either.”
“I tried,” Elrohir told him. “And each time I was told to give you time.”
“Then tell me now,” Elladan hissed as he suddenly stood face to face with his twin. “Tell me why you would choose to die?” he growled. “Or perhaps I should ask why you would expect me to watch it happen?”
“It is hard to explain why, Elladan, I just know it was the right choice for me to make,” Elrohir told him, taking a step back. “I would see how well you fit in with other elves. How easily you adapted to things here Imladris. Even when we were younger, you never wanted to leave here unless it was to another elven realm,” Elrohir took a deep breath before he could continue. “I've always enjoyed our home, Elladan but it has never felt like I belonged here. I only started to feel like I belonged somewhere when I began to visit Arwen in Gondor. I was able to be myself there.”
“What do you think father would say?” Elladan asked him. “Have you even thought of how our parents will feel about losing two of their children?”
“He knew!” Elrohir shouted. “He has always known. Why do you think he left you in charge of this realm? He knew more than he ever told us. Perhaps he wanted us to finds things out for ourselves, or maybe he hoped things would change.”
“He left you in charge of protecting it,” Elladan pointed out, not wanting to admit his twin could be right.
“No, Elladan, he did not,” the younger twin told him. “He left both me and Glorfindel in charge of keeping our home safe. He did not name anyone to help you run this place,” he said. “He knew I would leave one day.”
“No!” Elladan growled, shaking his head in what Elrohir could only see as denial. “He would have told me.”
“Would he? “ Elrohir challenged. “He always told us that our choice was our own to make, Elladan. That no one could choose for us. Nor could we choose for each other.”
“I would never have chosen for you,” Elladan sighed, trying to calm himself once more.
“Perhaps not knowingly,” Elrohir replied softly. “You would have wished me to make the same choice you made,” he said. “It is what you already expected me to, what everyone expected me to do.”
“You made your choice to prove everyone wrong?” Elladan asked.
“No, Elladan.” He shook his head. “I always knew what path I wished to follow, I never had the heart to tell you and even now, I am not sure which words to use to explain it to you.” Elrohir lowered his head briefly and took another deep breath. “You chose to be an elf because you knew it is who you were. That is not who I am. Like Arwen, I am following my heart. Not for love, I just need to be true to who I feel I am.”
Elladan silently watched his twin as Elrohir leaned back against the wall behind him and ran his hands through his hair, a trait they both picked up from their father when something bothered them.
“You still plan to leave,” Elladan said.
“I have to,” Elrohir replied so quietly at first that he was not sure that his twin had even heard him. Looking up and seeing the hurt in Elladan’s, he knew that Elladan had heard.
“Why?”  Elladan asked, placing his hand on Elrohir’s shoulder as he waited for a reply.  He tilted his head as it looked as if Elrohir was about to speak but instead, his twin merely shrugged and looked away.  It was more than Elladan could take.
“Elladan,” he heard his twin call after him as he walked out of Elrohir’s room. He never looked back as he made his back to his own chamber, not even when he heard Elrohir plead with him to return.
~ * ~
“Get up.” Glorfindel growled as he gripped Elladan’s shoulder and shook him hard. “This realm has gone without its leader for too long now.”
“What good am I as a leader of this realm, Glorfindel?” he asked, “if I cannot even make my own twin stay.”
“That was not your choice to make,” Glorfindel replied, sitting on the edge of Elladan’s bed. It was something he had not done since the twins had been young and one, or even both, had a nightmare. “No one could have made him stay, his mind was made up.”
Taking a deep breath, Elladan sat up slowly and leaned against the wall behind him, the sheet of his bed covering him from the waist down.
“I watched him leave that night,” Elladan said, motioning to his balcony doors. “He raced his horse away from the manor and never once looked back. That was months ago and I assumed he would have returned by now.”
“Did you think that your words had not hurt him?” Glorfindel asked. “That he was not affected by the pain and hurt he saw in your eyes that night? “ He took a deep breath as he stood up and moved to the balcony doors. Pushing them open, he let the sun’s light finally fill the room, something he was sure that had not happened in days.
“I am sorry,” Elladan admitted, “I knew he planned to leave but I feel my words to him may have pushed him to leave sooner than planned.”
“I followed him to the stables,” Glorfindel said. “He was upset but not over your words to him. He knew the pain he was causing you and felt that leaving was the better option.” Turning to face Elladan once more, he continued. “I tried, Elladan, to convince him to stay, to fix this between you first but he insisted it was better this way. I am the one who’s sorry that I could not stop him for you.”
Before Glorfindel could say more, he found himself pulling Elladan into a tight embrace. It was not the Lord of Imladris that he held but the young elf who Glorfindel had watched grow from an elfling to the elf he was now.
“It is still early,” Glorfindel said once he had felt Elladan stop shaking against him. “You have time to bathe and dress and we’ll join the others for the morning meal.”
“Will you wait here for me?” Elladan asked quietly. He hated that even his voice sounded weak but as he looked up at Glorfindel, he saw no signs that his old friend saw him as weak.
“I will always wait for you,” Glorfindel replied, grinning at Elladan. “Always.”
Elladan tilted his head in wonder. There was something about the way Glorfindel had spoken his reply that made Elladan wonder if there was more to it. This had not been the first time Elladan ever heard these words from Glorfindel. They had been said often when the twins were younger. Glorfindel has looked directly at Elladan each time and Elladan used to tell himself that the words had been meant for him only.
When the older elf said nothing else, Elladan nodded silently before he turned to get ready. Within seconds of stepping away from Glorfindel, Elladan felt lost without the feel of Glorfindel’s arms around him. This left him more than just a little confused as he headed into his bathing room.
“Ready?’ Glorfindel asked after Elladan had come out of his room dressed, his hair braided in a way he had not done since his hunting days with Elrohir. It was a look that Glorfindel felt always suited him.
“No,” Elladan replied, though he took Glorfindel’s offered arm anyway and left the room with him.
To Elladan’s relief, as they entered the great hall, no one seemed upset to see him. In fact he was greeted with friendly smiles as he made his way to his seat at the head of the table.  If he were to be honest with himself, he would admit that it felt good to be out of his chamber and seated once more among friends.
He felt Glorfindel’s hand on his shoulder in support and Elladan realized he had been staring at the empty seat that had once been Elrohir's. Looking around at the others, he saw that no one, other than Glorfindel, had seemed to notice. If they had, they were not showing it and for that he was grateful.
“Was that so bad? Being among friends again?” A soft voice from behind him asked once the morning meal had ended.
“I owe you an apology,” Elladan replied as he turned to face Sirwen. “I know you came to see me and I am sorry that I refused to speak with you.”
Sirwen smiled as she stepped closer and watched as Elladan took her hand, holding it gently in his own.  She had been hurt by his refusal to speak with her but she understood his need to be alone.
“It no longer matters,” she replied softly. "You are here now.”
Elladan shook his head as he stepped even closer, sliding his free arm around her waist to hold her closer to him. He watched as she tilted her head up towards him.
“I will make it up to you,” he told her. “Any way you wish.”
Sirwen giggled softly as she reached up and ran her finger slowly along his jaw. A small shiver moved though her when Elladan had turned his head just enough to kiss the tip of her finger.
“Any way I wish?” she repeated, smiling as he nodded in reply. “Now that, Elladan, is a very dangerous offer.”
“I ask only that you go easy on me,” Elladan replied. “At least for now,” he added, whispering the last part in her ear.
“We shall see,” she replied, though she had not been able to hold back a shiver as Elladan had whispered in her ear.  He always had this effect on her and she wondered if he always would.
“Would you join me for a walk?’ Elladan asked her, stepping back as he offered her his arm.
Sirwen felt as if they were being watched as she took Elladan’s arm. She had nodded in reply and as they were about to leave the main hall, she turned to look over her shoulder.  Her eyes met with Glorfindel’s and she saw the envy in his.  She managed a small smile in return to the friendly one he had given her then turned her attention back on Elladan.
~ * ~
“He went to Gondor,” Elladan said after they had been sitting at the edge of the lake for a while.
“Are you sure?” she asked, resting her head on his shoulder.
“Arwen is there with Aragorn,” he nodded “Legolas is not far away, either.. He’ll go to them.”
Sirwen lifted her head and watched him. Even though he was not looking directly at her, she could still see his sadness. He looked as tired as she could only guess he felt.  Without a word, she reached up and tucked some loose strands of his hair back behind his ear.
“You will see him again,” she told him softly. “You have to believe that.”
“When, Sirwen?” he asked, his head turning slowly to face her. “When Arwen dies? Or perhaps it will be when he is on his own deathbed...” he added, almost growling at the thought of facing his twin after he had aged.
“You know I do not have the answers,” she replied, pulling her hand back from his face. “I wish I did so I could ease your pain.”
Running a hand through his hair, Elladan let out a deep breath. He closed his eyes for a few short minutes before he turned to face her once more.
“It seems I must once again apologize, Sirwen,” he said. “I did not mean to snap at you.”
“I know,” she replied then smiled sweetly. “You will have just one more thing to make up for.”
“I fear that may end up being quite a long list,” he said, kissing her hand softly.
“Then perhaps you should start now,” she said, and before Elladan could even ask how, Sirwen had pulled him into a deep, passionate kiss.
“You tempt me,” Elladan moaned after the kiss. He lowered her slowly down onto the grass and leaned gently over her. “But you know that.”
“I count on it,” she purred in reply then laughed when Elladan’s hand had moved to her ribs, finding a sensitive spot and tickled her. “Enough,” she said breathlessly.
“You have put up with much from me over the years, Sirwen.” Elladan smiled at her as he ran his hand through her hair slowly. “Why?”
“It is not yet obvious?” Sirwen smiled up at him “What started as a mild crush when we were younger grew into so much more,” she told him. “It is your fault really; you made me fall in love with you.”
“And just how did I do that?” he asked, kissing along her neck teasingly.
“By being yourself,” she added, purring as she tilted her head back for him, gasping his name softly. “I always knew that I loved you. I realized how much the night my parents sailed.”
Elladan smiled as he nodded in reply, remembering that night as well.  He had followed as she walked with her parents then watched as she stood silently as both her mother and father had continued down the path without her.
“I remember waving,” she told him. “Then I was waking up in your room.”
Elladan lowered his head and kissed her tenderly before he made himself comfortable on the grass with her. He enjoyed how it felt as she turned towards him and rested her head against his chest.
“You fainted,” he replied, “I saw your head drop and had just enough time to reach you before you fell. I carried you back to the manor and let you rest in my room.”
She giggled softly as she lifted her head to look at him, unable to resist sliding her hand slowly across his chest.
“You were asleep in the chair when I woke up,” she said. “Glorfindel was there to bring dinner and told me you never left my side. I knew then how much I loved you. I love you even more now, yet you never told me why you followed us that day. I remember telling you not to.”
“You forget, my sweet, I had said goodbye to my mother a few weeks before your parents left. I know how overwhelming it could be. You were going to watch as both of your parents left at the same time,” he lifted her hand and kissed it tenderly. “I did not make it back to the manor before I had collapsed against Glorfindel.”
Sirwen smiled sweetly at him then leaned closer and kissed him lovingly, enjoying hearing the way he moaned into the kiss.
“Glorfindel has always been there for both you and your brother,” Sirwen said, hoping she managed to keep him from seeing her jealousy. She admired Glorfindel as many others did and respected the older elf. She just could not shake the feeling that given the chance, Glorfindel would have Elladan at his side, in every way possible.
“Since even before we were born,” Elladan nodded. “We have never known a life without having Glorfindel be part of it.”
Sirwen smiled at his reply then rested her head down on his chest once more. She felt his hand cover hers before he held it gently in his, lifted it gently and kissed it.
“We should get back,” Elladan said finally. “I have ignored my duties long enough.”
“I can help if you need it,” she told him as they slowly got to their feet. “Or have you forgotten that I sometimes helped Erestor?”
Elladan chuckled lightly. In truth, he had forgotten this. It had been many years since he had thought of Erestor as his father’s chief adviser instead of the family's good friend.
“I would appreciate any help you can spare me,” Elladan replied. “Perhaps if we are finished early enough, we can enjoy an evening ride,” he added. “It has been a while since we rode out to the secluded falls.”
“Well then,” she smiled. “We had better get to work.”
Elladan chuckled again as he took her hand and led her back towards the manor. He was not surprised to see Glorfindel waiting at the top of the steps.
“All is well?” Glorfindel asked, though he could see how relaxed Elladan appeared, a welcomed change from his early mood.
“It is,” Elladan replied as he came to a stop just in front of the golden haired elf.
Sirwen said nothing as she looked from Elladan to Glorfindel. She had no doubt now that Glorfindel had feelings for him. What worried her was that she had the feeling that Elladan returned those feelings, though perhaps he was not yet aware of them.
She stopped as she had been about to pass Glorfindel and both had turned to face the other. For a brief moment neither of them spoke nor did they move.
“Why do you not fight for him?” she asked, curiously. She knew it would be a fight she could not win, however she would not give up easily either. She quickly looked to where Elladan was and Faeron with him. The two seemed to discussing things and neither one were paying attention to her, or Glorfindel.
It had not been a question that Glorfindel had expected her to ask, though he should not have been surprised. She always seemed to be able to notice things that no one else could.
“It is not yet time to travel that path,” he replied, glancing towards Elladan. He gave the younger elf, what he hoped, was a reassuring grin. Elladan tilted his head just a little before his attention seemed to return to Faeron.
”Paths and destiny,” Sirwen sighed, shaking her head. “You sound like Elrond or Erestor,” she added. “Would it be so hard to do something just because it is what you want?”
“What I want,” Glorfindel paused as he let out a deep breath, “is not something I can give him at this time. He waits for you, Sirwen, go to him. Give him the comfort he needs.”
“Glorfindel I meant no...”Sirwen started to apologize when she saw the loneliness in the older elf's eyes.
“I know,” Glorfindel replied. “My destiny is whatever it will be,” he said, giving her the same charming smile he always did. “For the moment, yours is with Elladan. If being with you is what it takes for him to once again be happy, then I would not stand in the way.”
Sirwen glanced over at Elladan and could not help but shiver at the smile he gave her. He was no longer speaking Faeron and stood leaning against the wall, waiting. She had the feeling he would always be there waiting for her.
“Now go,” Glorfindel said, gently pushing her towards Elladan. “Even he only has so much patience.”
She looked over her shoulder to say something but Glorfindel was already gone. She felt Elladan take her hand and she closed her eyes briefly before she turned her head to face him.
“Was there a problem?” Elladan asked, kissed her hand softly as they walked slowly down the hall.
“No,” She replied. “I merely wanted to ask Glorfindel a question.”
“I can assume he gave you the answer you had wished for?” Elladan questioned. He was curious to know what they had talked about but he would not push her to tell him.
“More or less,” she replied then giggled at the questioning look he gave her. “You know how Glorfindel is,” she teased. “He answers one question only to leave you with more.”
“And what question did he leave you with?” Elladan asked. They had stopped in front of his chamber doors. He turned them so her back was against the door and he was standing in front of her, one hand on either side of her head. “Perhaps I can help answer these questions for you.”
“You, my lord, can respond to more than just my questions,” she replied, trying to control her breathing. Having him this close had always affected her and she was sure it always would.
“You have other needs then?” Elladan questioned, lowing his head just enough to start kissing along her neck.
“Yes,” was the only reply she could give. Elladan had kissed his way to her ear and as she felt the kiss against the tip of her ear, her legs almost gave out from under her.
Elladan had reached to open his door then caught Sirwen as she fell back. Keeping one arm around her back, he leaned down and lifted her easily into his arms, using the back of his foot to kick his door closed.
“Then allow me to take care of these needs of yours,” he whispered into her ear as he carried her to his bed.
“It would be an honor, my lord,” she whispered softly in reply.
Elladan needed this more than he had first realized. Hearing her soft whispers and laughter seemed to be healing him, something he had begun to think was impossible. He could almost feel the tension leaving him with each touch from Sirwen.  With each touch he felt, he also craved more. Judging by her soft moans and encouraging whispers, Sirwen was feeling the same effects.
Needing the comfort of her touch and wishing to make their shared pleasure last, Elladan took his time, caressing every inch of her body as she did the same to his. It was only when he knew she could no longer wait and even then, he waited until she begged him for more. Her soft whispers had turned into cries of pleasure. The sound echoed around them, even his own cries of pleasure could be heard as they both had been taken past their limits.
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Making Choices