Adult-FanFiction.org : Lord of the Rings

Hairy scary	By : Nuredhel Category: +Third Age > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 1235 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings, it belongs to Tolkien, and i do not earn any money from this work of fiction, it is solely written for entertainment and not for profit at all.I do not own Lord of the Rings, it belongs to Tolkien,

Chapter List
- 1-Hairy scary
- 1
I am from Norway and the norwegian mythology consists of many different creatures, one of the most common is what we refer to as a «Nisse» A Nisse ( plural: Nisser) is a small creature, it looks perhaps a little like a very small dwarf or leprechaun and it can be both good and bad. In the old days it was commonly believed that when someone broke new land and started a farm the soul of that first person to settle in a place would stay there and protect it for the future and later on that belief morphed into the belief in Nisser. You can rarely see them, they are very shy and prefer not to be seen my humans but they are always there and you have to be careful so that you don’t upset them in any way, because if you do there will be hell to pay. A farmer who is kind to his animals and takes well care of the farm will have a very valuable helper in the Nisse, he will make sure that the animals are safe, use his magic to prevent the farmer from running out of feed too early in the winter and protect the farm from any sort of evil powers. There are still many farms where there are Nisser, they can be mischievous and create a lot of minor problems but when well treated they are nice. If you on the other hand treat them badly, forget to feed them, abuse the animals and forget to take care of the farm he will be your worst nightmare. The nisse will then seek his vengeance in any way possible and those little rascals can be very creative. The most common way they expressed their anger would be by tying things together so that they hardly could be untied. If we find a knot that is especially hard to undo we call it a “Nisseknute”or in English Nisse’s knot. And they would love to mess up the horses, make huge knots in their manes and tails and so on. When we wake up with very bad bed hair we often also use the term nisseknute on the phenomenon. It means that a nisse has visited us during the night and been ticked off by something or he has just wanted to create some mischief. When things go missing and suddenly reappear we say that it is the nisse who is responsible, he is a bit like a gremlin at times. He can play almost any sort of pranks on people and be a real pain in the butt But the nisseknute is what gave me the idea of this story, what if a nisse finds himself in middle earth, among the elves? With all that lovely long flowing hair? Oh boy would he have some serious fun, and the elves? Not so much!!!

Hairy scary

Mirkwood was silent and peaceful, the birds were chirping away merrily while they were doing what birds usually do, namely flirting shamelessly with other birds of the opposite sex ( Hello there you sexy ball of down, wanna come home to my nest and take a look at my…grub collection?) and at the same time yelling things like “This is my goddamn territory ya featherless old hen, get lost!!”to other birds of the same sex. The king of Mirkwood and his entourage had recently returned from Erebor, the dragon was dead and he had gotten his fair share of the treasure, yes the king was more than pleased. In fact he acted a little like a kid about to celebrate its birthday, there was so many nice things to admire and just look at and he was enjoying himself, a lot!
While his majesty spent his time admiring the jewels and stuff he had gotten the other elves were busy preparing for a huge feast. They were going to celebrate that the dragon was dead as a dodo and any opportunity to let your hair down is nice right?
There would be guest arriving from the other realms and it was going to be splendid. The guards were busy shining their armor and the servants were running around in a state of constant panic trying to make absolutely everything perfect. For it had to be exactly that, perfect! Their king was very specific about that point. The wine cellar was filled to the ceiling, the kitchens were prepared as well and it would be a magnificent feast. Everybody was looking forward to it.
The king was spending a lot of time preparing too, he had to find the best possible robes so he would look just fabulous and the right jewelry and everything, it was so exhausting trying to look perfect. He had brought a few items from the treasure into his rooms, some boxes and crates and he was merrily searching through them to see if they contained something he could wear. If he was to wear every piece of jewelry he had picked out so far he would have to wear a warning sign as well, (beware, do not stare, danger of serious eye damage.)
It would be like staring straight into the sun with a pair of powerful binoculars. But as the wise say, too much of a good thing is just perfect.
He picked up a small box, it wasn’t very large but very solid and strange looking. On top of the lid there were some weird runes and he frowned and wondered what they meant until he remembered that one should not frown, you can get ugly lines on your face and even though he was an elf and never would see a wrinkle in his eternal life the very idea made him cringe. So no frowning thanks. He shook the box. He thought he heard something rattle within it and tried to open it but the lid would not let go no matter how hard he tried. He pouted and threw the box away, it was probably just some trinkets of lesser value anyhow.
The box rolled along the floor and came to rest underneath a dresser, the runes seemed to glow for a second and if he had been able to read them he would have read the following message “Do under no circumstance shake, rattle or roll this box, for if it is done it will bring forth ragnarokk, the end of days, Armageddon, the apocalypse. Within this box rests the foulest of beasts, the most terrible of enemies, the greatest terror ever unleashed. Shiver oh you who so foolishly touches this box, it will make a trip to hell seem like a stroll in the park”
Hmm, the ones who wrote the runes were indeed fond of dramatic language and slowly the runes faded. The box just lay there, no monster seemed to appear, no hounds of hell or dragons or demons plunged forth. The elven king was busy trying on new robes and he was dancing around while he imagined that he just had saved some pretty young elleth from the dragon and she would of course be soo grateful and later she would most certainly bed him. After a while the elf got tired and decided to take a small nap, he fell asleep and the room went silent. Except from one thing, the box moved, the lid slid open and a very tiny high pitched voice could be heard. “Ah hello? Is there anybody out there?”
A tiny being appeared underneath the dresser, it was rather stocky with a huge red hood on its head, a white shirt and a red pair of pants and it had a pair of black shoes. It looked rather cute, and it stretched and yawned. The being took a good look around, he was almost shivering with anticipation, he had been sleeping in that box for too long and he had so much energy. He clapped his hands, this looked promising. His tiny black eyes were shining and he jumped up and down. “Damn dirty wizard, making me oversleep, oh nasty nasty!”
He ran towards the huge bed in the middle of the room and since he was a magical being he ran fast, in fact he ran so fast that he would have broken the soundbarrier had he been a little bit bigger with more air resistance. He was suddenly standing on the edge of the bed, staring at the sleeping elf who lay there snoring and drooling. He rubbed his hands together, sniggered and jumped up and down. “Ooohhh, pwetty!”
It was time to go to work, he had been imprisoned in that box for too long and he had so many brilliant ideas, this ought to be interesting in deed.
Thranduil woke up from a very pleasant dream where he was surrounded by the entire court and everybody was in awe of his fabulous style and impeccable taste. He yawned, hmm, the bed was indeed very soft? He opened his eyes and yelped, he was not in his bed, he was laying on top of it, in the canopy! How in the name of the Valar had he managed to get his own lovely person way up there in his sleep? He shook his head, had he been sleepwalking? The gods forbid that someone had seen him looking less elegant than usual.
The small creature was hiding underneath the dresser once more, it was giggling. It was magical and it had no problems at all levitating even someone as tall and heavy as this elf into the canopy of the luxurious bed. Thranduil was considering whether or not he should call out for his guards to help him down from the canopy but he decided to get down on his own, he climbed down one of the bedposts and grinned to himself. He was just so elegant.
The small creature saw that the elf left the room and it rushed forth once more, this was a grand place and there were so many opportunities, he was almost crying with relief of finally being free. Oh the ideas he had. He swiftly rushed through the walls and started to explore the palace. Nobody could see him and the creature raced around so fast it almost broke the laws of physics, nobody had told him that E=MC2.
The creature found the kitchens and its tiny nose shivered from all the nice smells, there were elves running everywhere but the doors to the pantry were closed and the creature ran through them and stared in awe at the huge room. It was filled with food, every shelf was stacked with delicious food and he was so hungry after having spent centuries within that darn box. He licked his lips and went into action. There were deserts and cakes and one thing tastier than the other and before long the creature sat on the floor in the middle of a giant heap of empty plates, jars and trays. It burped and grinned, this was nice, now he was thirsty. One could perhaps believe that such a tiny body would be full from eating half a spoonful but no, his kind had an appetite so ferocious it would make a hobbit look like an anorectic supermodel. Since they were made from another type of matter, a more magical one, than the rest of creation they could eat enough food in one setting to feed a village of ogres, half an army and two dozen trolls, and all that in one meal.
The creature rushed out of the pantry, he needed something to drink and there had to be something nice somewhere? This was obvious a very classy place and then they were certainly having something equally classy stored somewhere? He rushed around until he found the royal wine cellar. “Ah, yummy!”
It was obvious that the owner of this place had good taste in wine and the creature appreciated that a lot, more than a lot, in fact he appreciated it so much that he emptied the entire storage of Thranduils best Dorwinion wine, then he poured the rest of the red and white wine down his gullet, let out an almighty belch that was heard all over the palace and made the guards fear that a troll somehow had managed to slip through security and was hiding somewhere. The creature then went for the barrels of dwarfish mead and ale, it was very sweet and heavy and the creature felt a bit drowsy so it shot up the stairs and found a nice little place to sleep within the curtains of a window.
Thranduil was trying to make his less than fabulous son wear something a bit more appropriate than a hunters clothes when the butler came rushing, the elf was pale as a sheet and he looked as if Sauron himself had showed up at the gates, wearing a pink tutu while balancing a warg on his head. “Mmmm..my…lord, the food!”
Thranduil turned around slowly, so he could be sure that he looked just as majestic and perfectly gorgeous as ever. “What do you mean the food?”
The butler gulped . “Its…Its gone sire, all of it, gone”
Thranduil just gaped and then he remembered that it made him look silly so he shut his mouth and gave the butler a rather piercing gaze. He knew it was piercing, he had rehearsed it in front of the mirror a million times.
“That is impossible my good elf, food cannot just leave, unless you have done a lousy job and are about to serve uncooked food, we do not eat our meat while it is still alive and you know that very well”
The butler almost lost it. “It has disappeared, all of it!! Are you deaf? There is nothing left, nada, nill, zero and so on and so forth, the pantry is empty!”
The king just sighed and studied his fingernails, he should have to have them polished before the feast. “Well then refill it, no big deal!”
The butler just gawked, his eyes looked as if they were about to pop out of his head, then he just turned on his heel and left, to close to a complete meltdown to dare remain in the same room as the king and his son.
Thranduil snorted. “Servants, they do really have no initiative do they? You have to tell them everything, to the smallest detail!”
He turned to his son once more. “Now, listen to me Legless, ah, Legolas, you cannot wear those boring clothes for my big feast? You will make us look silly!”
The prince looked at his father’s outfit with his eyes half shut, staring at him with his eyes wide open would most likely damage his retinas. “Oh yes? You make a drag queen look like a freakin nun so please don’t talk to me about fashion!”
The king sighed, why did he have to get a son who was so darn…Boring! Shooting orcs and fighting and such activities were so dirty, so dangerous too, you risked getting splinters in your fingers, and a tan! Ooh, that was the big scare, a tan would totally ruin his perfect alabaster skin. Legolas just bowed and sighed. “I will wear something modest ada, and please, try not to wear too much jewelry? Last time we had a feast there were people going blind from looking at you, and magpies were fighting to pluck all that shiny stuff off you.”
Thranduil just waved his hands, he was already busy trying to determine whether or not he should wear his beautiful hair loose or braided.
He was rehearsing some poses in front of the mirror when one of the guards came rushing. “My king, the wine in the cellar, it is drunk!”
Thranduil raised a perfect eyebrow. “Nonsense, wine cannot be drunk. You can of course get drunk from drinking wine but the wine itself do not become drunk”
The guard was rolling his eyes, it looked silly and less than flattering and the king wondered if he should forbid eye rolling in his palace. “Sire, somebody has been drinking all the wine, all of it, and the mead and the ale too!”
The king looked puzzled for a moment. “Really? All of it? But then it will be easy finding the one who did it, just go and seek out someone who looks drunk and arrest them, easy as pie. “
The guard sighed deeply, for a king Thranduil sometimes appeared to have more looks than brains. “Are you serious? There were thousand gallons of wine down there, and a thousand more of ale and mead, how do you think someone would be able to drink all that in a few hours? You’d need an army to do that!”
Thranduil looked very shocked. “An army? Perhaps the evil lord has invaded my wine cellar in order to serve my wine to his hordes?”
The soldier just rolled his eyes once more. “I do not think the dark lord cares about wine cellars my king, there has to be some other explanation”
The king shrugged. “Then what? Mice perhaps, rats?”
The guard closed his eyes. “Mice and rats consuming two thousand gallons of strong alcohol over a period of a few hours? My, I would love to see that!”
Thranduil suddenly grinned. “Oh, so would I, I am sure it would look very funny indeed!”
The other elf cut a grimace. As far as he knew there had been no inbreeding within the royal family, so where his royal sassiness had that sassiness from was anybody’s guess. There was a rumor though that his mother had dropped him on his head, one time too many “The problem remains my lord, there is no wine left for the guests. What shall we do about it?”
The king just waved his hand. “Send someone to Laketown and buy some more, tell them that the king of Smirk…Mirkwood demands it”
The guard shook his head and walked out, someone to Laketown now? They would have to hurry indeed in order to bet back before the feast.
The butler and the cooks were up to their elbows in work, the master of the wine cellar sent all of his men to Laketown and the surrounding villages in order to gather enough wine for the feast. Things were returning to normal, for a while. The guests started to arrive and were shown to their rooms and everybody started to relax a bit. The feast was planned for the next day and the guests were tired and wanted to relax and enjoy themselves. They off course had access to every facility within the palace.
The small creature had woken up, it never slept for long and now it had refilled its energy storages and was ready to rumble once more. It noticed that there was a lot of people running around with towels and soaps and stuff and so it followed them and found the royal baths. The creature stared at the lovely rooms with huge eyes, it had never seen the likes of this place. It was so pretty, with small fountains, and waterfalls, and pools. There were soft benches placed everywhere and huge shelves filled with all sorts of bottles and jars. There were elves in many of the pools and they were relaxing and chatting merrily with each other. The creature grinned, how boring, Just chatting like that? Naaa, it was much better when something happened! The creature ran towards one of the shelves and picked up some bottles, fast as lightening it had poured the contents into different pools and it happened so fast that not even the keen eyes of an elf was able to detect that something was moving. The creature emptied the shelves completely and sniggered, soon there would be no more boredom, he was the protector of the realms of creation and he was protecting them against the pest of boredom.
Action he got, a lot of it. One of the fountains started to pour out foam and it spread rather fast too. Other fountains were gurgling and hacking before they spewed out a thick liquid which glowed in the most peculiar colors anyone had seen. The king himself arrived just at that moment, wearing a pink bathrobe, slippers and sunglasses, he stared at the foaming mass and cheered. “A foam party, how fabulous!”
It was soon rather obvious that it wasn’t that fabulous after all, some elves emerged from the pools buck naked since something had dissolved their bathing robes, others were suddenly shocked to discover that their skin had turned a bright color of green and in one pool everybody lost all of their hair since the creature had poured a generous amount of hair removing oil into the water. Needless to say there was much gnashing of teeth, laments and wailing.
The creature had already left when things calmed down, it was busy preparing for its next experiment. Night fell and the palace went quiet, the guards were half asleep and even if they had been awake and alert they would never have been able to see the tiny being which rushed through the palace, one room after the other while it was laughing hysterically. It finished in the kings room, the king himself was fast asleep hugging his giant teddy bear while mumbling something about a very naughty dwarf and a jar of honey.
The creature sniggered, a jar of honey indeed. The elf was almost naked and the creature of course knew that this was a king, an elf of royal blood, a blue blooded. So why not show just that? The creature was out of the room and back again in the blink of an eye. The elf slept deeply and just mumbled a little. “Oh yes, that’s nice, that feels good, oohh just like that”
The creature cursed a little, darn, not enough for the whole elf but what the hey, he had started off very well hadn’t he, over to more pressing business. The creature was all over the room like a small tornado and when the work was done it looked around itself with an expression of deep satisfaction. Then it was off towards the royal stables and it left two hundred and fifty seven horses and a mule with the shocks of their lives.
Then it took a second round around the palace and it sniggered the whole time, some elves heard a sort of squeaking noise but it sounded almost like a mouse or something like that and they were used to animals scurrying around. The people working with furniture and other crafts would not notice that several jars of glue had gone missing before the morning.
Thranduil woke up feeling very well rested, he yawned and pulled his robe together, walked into the bathroom and grinned to the mirror the way he always did. “Hello there you sexy…AAAAHHHHH”
The king stared at his own reflection and his eyes revealed nothing but horror, his hair, his fabulous hair!! It looked as if a tornado had gone through it, it was one huge tangle, and it was spreading in every possible direction, he looked like a sheep that had not been sheered in several years. He stared at his face and could not believe what he saw. This was so…not fabulous!! He had to get his personal servants to comb through this terrible mess, asap. He sighed and turned to the toilet, he needed to pee and when he had finished he looked down and this scream was even worse than the first one. It made the mirror crack and the glasses on the shelf below it cracked too. He could have had a fabulous career as an opera singer if he hadn’t been a king, although a singer usually sings instead of just squealing. He wrapped his robe around himself again, utterly terrified and in shock and he rushed to the healers department. The chief healer was busy trying to save all of his medicine, someone had glued every bottle he had to their place and they were stuck. He stared at the king with utter confusion, the elf looked terrible, his hair a mess and he was pale. The king took a look around to make sure that nobody else than the healer was present, then he leaned towards the healer and whispered. “You have to help me, I have turned…blue!”
The healer cocked his head. “I beg your pardon? Blue? Where?”
The king shuddered, he was turning very red and the usual smirk was gone from his face, completely. “Ah…down there…!”
The healer grinned. “Aha, well, you know that can be fixed yes? Blue balls should not be such a problem, you just need to get laid a little more often”
The king shook his head. “No, this is different, what if something is wrong?”
The healer sighed. “Well then, show me!”
Thranduil blushed like a schoolgirl on her first date, he opened the robe and the healer stared at the royal family jewels with a grin that was getting more crooked by the second. “Nah, nothing is wrong your highness, if I am not mistaken that is paint, in the color commonly known as royal blue!”
The king just stared with huge eyes. “Paint? Oh my goodness, that means that someone has been in my room and…painted me!”
The healer just sniggered. “Seems so, unless you have developed a rather weird fetish.”
The king cringed and pulled his robe tight around himself again, he was bright scarlet and shivering. The healer tried to look professional. “You’ll be fine, but it will stick for a while I am sure, so unless you want the entire court to know of this I suggest you stay away from the elleths until it is worn off. You’d be better off with your right hand for a while”
The king just whimpered and ran off, too embarrassed to even speak. He of course ran into his son in the hall, Legolas was pissed off and the reason was rather obvious, his pretty braids had been glued together, someone had tied all his bowstrings together into one impossible knot and his boots had been glued to the floor. He was almost fuming with rage but when he saw his father he almost fell on his butt laughing. Thranduil tried to look dignified but of course that is very hard to do when you are in a pink bath robe with hair that looks like a huge floor mop. “Ah legless...Legolas, how are you this…fabulous morning?”
The prince could not answer, he was almost choking with laughter and now others started to wake up so the king ran into his bedroom. And got another shock, there were knots everwhere, the curtains, the sheets, the carpets, table cloths, towels, even the toilet paper, everything had knots on it. His robes were tied into knots, his pants, shirts even his underwear. His belts were tied into knots, everything that could be knotted had been knotted and that so thoroughly it was almost impossible to untie them.
And it was not just the royal bedroom that had been the victim of this knotting disease, it had happened all over the palace. The ladies woke up to find their hair knotted, their dresses were knotted too and a lady who had a cat with long fur discovered that her precious pet too had knots. The stable workers discovered that all the horses had been tied to their stalls by their tails and their manes had been braided together, the poor beasts could barely move. And worse even, their hooves were glued to the floor, they had to pull the shoes of them to free them. In the kitchen the doors to the ovens were glued shut, the windows were glued and so were several doors. The guards found that their swords were glued inside their sheaths and some men were glued to their beds. Thranduil was sitting on his bed, he was shivering all over. His palace, his fabulous palace, what had happened? Things were glued together or knotted and the only solution was to grab all the scissors that were available and go to work.
Thranduil was almost sobbing when the door flew open and Elrond rushed inn, the peredhel was obviously very angry but he stopped right in his tracks when he saw the sad state of Thranduils hair. Then he laughed so hard he only could make some rather weird sounds, they sounded a bit like a frogs calls. Thranduil sobbed, he pouted and tried to not look at the esteemed healer and scholar, his hair had been affected too. Someone had combed it into a single row of very sharp spikes that ran along his head and it looked rather aggressive. Finally Elrond managed to talk. “Tell me my friend, how on middle earth is it possible to sneak into someones room and pour glue into their hair without them waking up? And tie absolutely everything into knots? I see that you have had the same experience”
Thranduil shook his head. “Not entirely, not glue, I’ve been…painted!”
Elrond frowned. He was afraid his sharp spikes would pose a threat to anybody getting too close to him but paint? What was the harm in that? He thought so until Thranduil just opened his robe and showed him the entire misery and then Elrond was laughing so hard he impaled a cushion on one of the spikes. Thranduil sobbed. “Just kill me, please! I’d rather wash all the lavatories in Dol Guldur than look like this. I am so…un-fabulous!”
Elrond tried to gather his mind and he sighed and sat down, it was rather hard to do because his clothes had been tied together with him inside of them. “There has to be an explanation to this, the knots and the glue, the incident in the baths and everything. I strongly suspect magic!”
Thranduil sighed. “Magic, right, and who would use magic to do such silly things?”
Elrond grinned. “I am sure we can find out, I’ll summon the wizards and we will get to the bottom of this together.”
Thranduil hid his face in his hands. “All I want to get to the bottom of is a deep dark hole, I look horrible. Look at my hair, just look at it! It looks like…hemp! An orc looks like a fresh rose of spring compared with this…calamity!”
Elrond petted the distraught king on his shoulder. “There there my friend, relax. It cannot get much worse!”
There was a tiny snigger coming from a corner, oh no? It knew a challenge when it heard one. So off to work, being lazy is never good for anyone, no matter who or what you are.
It was not before long that something else started happening, the elves were swearing and cursing and trying to unknot their hair. Some had to cut it to get the knots out and there was a lot of high pitched “Ow”and “Owtch”and “Aiiii”everywhere. The entire court was in agony and it got worse when suddenly everybody started to feel a terrible itch. They were scratching themselves like mad and if anyone had seen the scenes that went on within the royal palace they would have thought that everybody had gone utterly insane. The guards were jumping into the pools with their armor on, trying to ease the intense itching, others were scratching each other like mad, until they were bleeding.
Then came the stomach problems, everybody had to eat no matter how tangled their hair had become and someone had poured a very strong laxative in the stew. Needless to say Mirkwood was for a while transformed to Stinkywood and the lavatories were overcrowded. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth once more. The palace was a very uninviting place to be and those who were not affected ran from the place in a panic. This had to be the work of Sauron himself, and if it was then the evil lord had indeed outdone himself, this was beyond evil, it was just…vile!
Then mice and rats and frogs started to appear everywhere and even the cats of the court became overrun by the hordes of rodents. They were apparently showing up from nowhere and they were very hungry and curious. Thranduil shut himself into his rooms, he tried to pretend as if everything was as usual while singing some weird song that went something like”I am blue dabade”
Legolas tried to untie a hundred bowstrings so someone at least could protect the place but to no prevail. The horses in the stable had to have their tails and manes cut and soon there was a lot of elves sitting in groups looking extremely miserable. They looked as if some madman had gone amok with a pair of scissors and the atmosphere was rather gloomy. You would probably find more cheer in a churchyard.
And then Radagast and Gandalf finally arrived, the two wizards went to work as soon as they stopped laughing and crying and Thranduil promised that he would cover them with gold if they managed to stop this mayhem of weird happenings. First they suspected a poltergeist but they don’t drink wine and eat food, and they are often seen by people who have been drinking wine so a poltergeist was removed from the list rather fast. The two wizards moved through the list of possible suspects and it was not very long so it only took them about half a day to identify the culprit. Gandalf shoved up in front of the throne and he looked very pleased with his own work, the king sat on his throne, wearing a robe he had untied and he looked a bit like someone who has been partying a little too hard lately. Some of the servants had tried to untangle his hair and the result looked a bit like something you’d perhaps use as a scarecrow in a vegetable garden.
Thranduil just sighed, he felt so very tired right now. He just wanted to find the bottom of a bottle of wine, no, make that a dozen, and stay there! He stared at the wizard who did not waste any time. “We now know what it is that has caused all these disturbances. “
Thranduil did not even smile, he was too darn tired of everything. “Great, fantastic, amazing, well done, fucking fabulous!”
Gandalf nodded. “Yes, a very difficult job if I may brag a little, the culprit is a creature from another realm, it is called a nisse and it is known for creating mischief and problems, just like those we have experienced here”
The king just looked at the wizard. “Right, and how do we send this…thingy…back home?”
Gandalf shrugged. “We can’t . We can however trap it and send it elsewhere. I pity the poor bastards who is next to house the creature but better someone else than here right?”
Thranduil had lifted his head, he was leaning forward.”So how do we trap this nisse?”
Gandalf walked up to the king, he whispered to him. “It must have come to this place locked within something, a box of some sort perhaps? We have to lure it back into its box and close it.”
Thranduil grinned, suddenly there was light in his eyes again. “Indeed, there was a strange box brought here with the treasure from Erebor. It must still be in my room.”
Gandalf nodded. “Good, very good. Now here is how we are going to catch the little rascal. There is only one thing these creatures are afraid of and we have to use that for all it is worth. Thank the Valar for the fact I am a wizard.”
A little later Thranduil had found the box underneath the dresser and it had been placed on a table. The table had been covered with a very thin layer of flour and Thranduil and Legolas were sitting there waiting. They both were covered with some sheets so they could not be seen so easily and they had cut some small holes for their eyes so they could see. Gandalf had walked outside, he was raising his staff towards the skies, he was calling out and dark clouds were gathering, it looked rather menacing and suddenly heavy rain started to pour down. The wizard was drenched and spat water, he looked like a drowned cat and Radagast stood underneath a tree and shivered. Gandalf gestured to him. “You moron, get away from there, your brain is already fried so don’t make it even worse. “
The brown wizard just grinned and walked away from the tree, water was running off him and judging by the color of it the brown wizard carried his name for a reason. He could not have taken a shower since the fall of Morgoth.
There was a loud boom and a bright light flashing and Gandalf jumped up and down in excitement. A good old fashioned thunderstorm, that was just what they needed. There was more thunder and lightning, a constant crackle and rumbling and inside of the palace the king and the prince was eagerly awaiting the arrival of their not so very welcome guest. Legolas held his breath, it had to be near now.
The creature was terrified, not the thunder! It feared the lightning, it was the only thing faster than itself and it remembered how the gods of thunder and lightning had been chasing it away from their realm. Not without reason though, it had managed to flip over several buckets of lightning bolts and thus burned down several cities, and it had managed to misplace a very valuable necklace which belonged to the goddess Freya, needless to say she had been utterly furious. And that lady did have a rather flaring temper at times. The creature ran for its life through the palace, he was convinced that the gods had found it and that they were going to turn it into a piece of coal in a nice nisse shape. There was just one place where it was protected and it ran for the box so fast not even a lightningbolt would have been able to reach it. It was panting with fear and Legolas had excellent ears, he heard a very tiny voice going “Shit shit shit, oh shit, fuck fuck I am screwed!”
Then some small footprints appeared in the flour and with a yell the prince rushed forward and slammed the lid shut. The runes glowed once more and they heard a last. “Oh no, holy crap, not again!”
It was over and Thranduil fell onto his back, gasping with relief. No more tangles, no more knots, no more looking less than perfect. He was so ecstatic with joy. Now this did indeed call for a real feast, he would invite even more guests and they would all know that he, well technically his son, had conquered the enemy. Legolas looked at the small box and shuddered. “And now ada, what should we do with this hellspawn?”
Thranduil got an extremely sly expression within his eyes, his grin was getting very wide and vicious. “Oh, I know exactly what we are to do with this box, fear not my son, it will be very useful.”
And so the king threw a new grand ball, and this time everything went fabulous and the morning after he woke up and grinned to his reflection in the mirror. The box should have arrived by now. A week later Gandalf was suddenly summoned to Erebor, something was creating an utter mess within the dwarfish stronghold, beards and hair was being tangled and things went missing and there was a loud gnashing of teeth and lots of wailing, and my do dwarves really know how to gnash their teeth. There were squirrels running everywhere, toads in the pools and several dwarves had lost their beards and could not dare to show themselves in public until it had grown back.
And so it was that a giant eagle flew over the slopes of mount doom and dropped a small box not far from the tower from which Sauron’s eye kept watch over his domain. Within a few hours there was a terrible roar and the ground shook violently, mount doom erupted and the nine winced at their masters wrath.
Gandalf sensed the anguish unleashed and grinned to himself. “You are most welcome”
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