The Dance On Water

BY : Avgust
Category: +Third Age > Slash - Male/Male
Dragon prints: 411
Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Tolkien's world (Silmarillion/Lord of the Rings/Hobbit), nor the characters from it. No money is made from the writing of this story.

'Would it not be best for you to just simply ignore this? He is not someone to hope for, nor could this ever turn out for the best. There is still time for you to walk away from this, from him. Fight this, ignore this, and then never look back.'

The pale light from the moon finally broke through the dark clouds that had obscured the stars in this late night sky. The candles that had kept the room lit had all by now burned down to nothing; leaving the room in complete darkness save for the slight moonbeams that flowed in from the open window. The solitary figure that paced the length of the room didn't mind the darkness though. To him the greys and darks of the room complemented and paralleled the greys and darks that had formed within his mind over the past few weeks. Untold pain and trials would only come of this, if he continued musing over Him.

He stopped pacing a moment while he continued to reflect on the object of his attraction. Why was this so difficult? His expertise was in finding solutions to difficult and seemingly unanswerable questions, and he had rarely ever faltered in the past to such trials. Why was this now so difficult for him to understand, or even find a solution to at all?

His pace continued, while he repeatedly went over in his mind the same desperate and fragmented thoughts that had consumed his entire being for weeks. He paused a moment to listen to the howl of the wind that blew outside his bedroom window. A late spring storm seemed to be approaching the valley where his home lay. The wind that preceded the storm growled in its warning of the coming storm and all of its physical potential.

Perceiving that this may be the only moment of solace he would find this night, he gathered his grey robes around him and stepped out onto his private balcony that overlooked the central gardens in Imladris. The winds were strong and stung at his face, and the stars and moon struggled to shine for they were enveloped once again under the dark night's mantle.

He often would find himself standing at this spot, looking out beyond the gardens, out beyond the city, far into the mountains and pine trees that surrounded his home. Here he would recall the bittersweet memories of times past. At any other time he would stand here on his balcony, recalling and smelling his memories of the salt water and the sea breezes from his native home of Lindon. But now with the weight and burden of his current feelings, those thoughts were erased from his mind. Only now, the present and seemingly callous future played themselves continually through every fibre of his being, even as he gazed out beyond his immediate surroundings in an effort to forget or escape the present world he knew.

The wind was picking up in intensity, blowing his robes around his slim lithe body, but he didn't mind. He sincerely welcomed the sensation of the rather chilly wind, and he stretched out his hand to catch the first drops of the rain that would soon fall from the black heavens, veiled with the oppressive storm clouds. The moon remained hidden, completely obscured by the clouds that blew and swirled above him.

He could hear the rain falling before it began to fall around and on him. His eyes were closed as the cold raindrops fell with ever more intensity, dampening the earth and his soft robes as they dropped from the heavens. He would let this storm ease his mind, as if it were a gift to him from the Valar. It was a greatly needed distraction that he had so desired this last week. He let his mind drift away from the thoughts of Him and away from his propositions on the course of action that he would soon have to make. His uncertain emotions mocked him, since he was one who was known for his control and his effortless ability to remain confident in any trying situation. As the rain intensified and fell with ever more force and intensity, his indecisiveness deepened, causing him to understand that he was now a mere shadow of his usual calm and certain self.

The torrential rain soaked the solitary figure. His bare feet splashed through the small puddles that were forming as he walked closer to the edge of his balcony railing. Violent flashes of lightning lit the sky briefly, and through the flashes; he could make out the window that belonged to the one whom held his thoughts in captivity. Defeated, he turned back to his own rooms and entered, stripping himself of his soaked and heavy clothing. Not even the storm was strong enough to distract him of the futile feelings that he felt towards that other.

He made his way through his rooms to his private bath where he relit an unscented beeswax candle and drew himself a warm bath from the water that he had been heating. It was true that the rain of the storm already had soaked him physically, though barely touching him internally. But the bath that he sought now was meant as a means of escape, and not so much as in cleansing. In all of his long years of his life he had never ceased to cherish the soothing qualities that a warm bath produced, and as he stepped into the warm water he once again felt his haven work its wonders on his troubled body and mind.

He knew he needed to find some sort of rest this night, but first he needed to relax and leave behind his thoughts. Only if his thoughts could be lost within the water that would be drained away, or lost within the sounds of the storm that would mask his inner voices, would he then find sleep for his weary body.

- - - 

That next morning, he was a little late to rise, for when his sleep had finally found him, it had come to him late within the night. And although he had tried to control his dreams by means of lucid dreaming, a process he had meticulously perfected since he had always craved control within his life, his dreams had proved to escape his control as they had taken on a will of their own.

His sleep had come to him that late night in the form of the relentless sleep that taunts in its inability to solve. That other was in his dreams, causing his heart to settle into bliss and peace as the other had held him, reassuring him that no longer need he long nor ache for his love. His beloved had held him close, and had made the sweetest of love to him. That name, that face, that speech, everything He had infiltrated his dreams, leaving him weary and disheartened when he had woken in the morning.

The sunrise that greeted him was spectacular that morning, but he all but didn't notice the pinks, oranges and yellows that the Valar had painted into the morning sky. The strong comforting aroma of the wet earth filled his room, as did the singing of the birds, but they were ignored just as the sunrise was. He was glad that morning had come at last for he could escape his dreams and thoughts. This new day, as did most of his days, would give him countless tasks to perform, and he could busy himself and forget his troubles until nightfall reached the valley of Imladris again.

He dressed himself in his usual stately grey robes, and he fixed his hair in the same fashion that he had done, year after year. There was no variance to his routine, despite the utter chaos that he now found himself lost within. After he had made himself up to the standards that he held himself to, the chief of Elrond's counselors left his rooms to meet the day.

- - -

The silent figure of the chief-advisor passed Glorfindel in the corridor that housed the suites of the counselors. Glorfindel politely, although not overly friendly, had acknowledged the other as he had passed him by. The same impersonal greeting had been returned quickly, and then Erestor was gone. Both their faces had never broken from the formal expressions they always wore when they crossed each other's path.

Glorfindel could only shake his head. The mystery that surrounded Erestor was strangely intriguing to him, although he could not yet admit to himself that in all actuality he did find Erestor to be fascinating and alluring even. But his extroverted personality made it difficult for him to understand the reluctances and withdrawn tendencies that Erestor continued to display year after year.

Glorfindel had long ago given up on trying to know him, since Erestor had never tried to befriend him either. Their opposite demeanors suggested to him that their incompatibility would never allow anything but distance between them. It was with that reasoning that Glorfindel had found it rather easy to comply with Erestor's wishes of being left alone.

But as he continued on his way however, Glorfindel still found himself thinking about Erestor. It certainly was strange for him to be so focused on one whom held no interest in him or for anyone at all.

 - - -

Evening had already arrived to the valley of Imladris. The day had progressed quickly in its uneventful passing. Glorfindel had been on his way to Elrond's office, since he needed to speak with the Lord of Imladris before he would retire for the night. But as he passed by Erestor's office, he heard the soft hum of a haunting melody that eerily called out to his soul. He was forced to stop; the door was open so he glanced inside. In a rare moment, Glorfindel was able to witness Erestor's formality removed.

Besides humming that haunting melody, Erestor was sorting through a rather large pile of scrolls. Some scrolls remained on his desk, while others were being placed in two large boxes that were kept on the top shelf of his large wooden bookshelf.

It appeared that he had been doing this task for a while, Glorfindel deduced. Erestor's usually perfect raven hair was in complete disarray, and his braids had begun to come undone. In addition, he had taken off his formal grey robes, which added to the more casual appearance of the counselor. In all the long years that the two had dwelled together, Glorfindel had never seen Erestor in nothing other then those grey robes. But now Erestor was clad in black leggings that were hidden below the knees under soft grey boots, and a light blue shirt that accentuated his body well.

The light from the candles that lit the office with their golden hues accented Erestor's magnificent features. It amazed Glorfindel as he witnessed Erestor in a different light then he had known before. Erestor was stunning to him as he was bathed in the golden glow of the candles, humming that haunting melody that stirred his soul. The dark shadows of Erestor's movements seemed to beckon to Glorfindel, as if they were a mirrored reflection of Erestor's hidden soul, midnight black in the middle reducing to soft grey on the edges.

Glorfindel had never been blind to the beauty of Erestor before, but the other had always had that look of aloofness written on his face that had always caused Glorfindel to keep his distance. But that expression was now void on the handsome face, and Glorfindel now began to rethink his thoughts of Erestor all over again.

"Well, are you just going to stand there and stare all night, or would you mind giving me a hand Counsellor Glorfindel?"

The melody had ended, the dark shadows stood still. Glorfindel was forced to come out of his reverie when he heard those biting words, and he stared into those captivating deep grey eyes. Erestor was frowning, although not in an unfriendly manner at him while he held one of those heavy boxes that was filled with the scrolls that he had sorted into them.

"I really could use your assistance with placing the boxes back on that top shelf." Erestor spoke without waiting for Glorfindel to reply. He hated asking for help, but the boxes were simply too heavy for him alone to lift to that shelf where they were kept. He was going to call for some assistance from the guards that were stationed near his office when he had noticed Glorfindel standing at his door, staring in his direction with a pensive look on his ageless and handsome face.

Erestor walked over to Glorfindel, who took the opposite corner of the box, and together they completed the task of placing the box on the shelf.

Erestor was puzzled as to why Glorfindel had just been staring at him. Possibilities had begun to creep into his mind, as he had seen the other stand in reverie before him. Could it be that Glorfindel was also interested, and if so, could they find a way to forget the years filled of unfriendliness, avoidances, badgering and slights that was their past?

'Oh, but you must not allow yourself to believe that this could ever happen! Just because you found Glorfindel standing at your door, does not give you a sufficient reason to believe that he harbors any interest for you.' Erestor thought as he tried to force his mind to form a different line of thought.

But instead all he could do was wonder about just how long Glorfindel had been there watching him. Oh how he wanted the other to simply leave! Now new elements and dimensions would be added to his torments tonight, as he would once again find himself unable to keep his thoughts from focusing on Glorfindel. Perhaps if he were to just lash out at the other, then Glorfindel would retaliate, an argument would ensue, that look would disappear, and those possibilities would forever be erased.

"Thank you for your assistance." Those words left his lips, which had curved into a gracious smile before his internal censuring thoughts could control his actions. Dear Valar, had he actually just smiled to Glorfindel? The hiss within his mind burned throughout his entire being.

"There is no need to thank me, but you are welcome all the same, Counselor Erestor." Glorfindel kept with the formality that they had never moved beyond when they addressed one another. He was a little surprised that Erestor had smiled to him after he had expressed his gratitude. It had been some time since he had last seen Erestor smile to him, but he still fondly remembered that smile within his memories.

Without asking or waiting for Erestor's assistance, he lifted the other box that was sitting on the desk and placed it next to the first box he and Erestor had set on the shelf. The inclination of his head in departure was made seconds before he quickly left Erestor alone in his office, face flushed in his confusion and wonderment under the dimming candlelight.

- - -

Glorfindel made a swift retreat to his chambers where he closed the heavy door behind him forcefully, as if he were attempting to keep the thoughts of Erestor on the other side of the door and out of his chambers. He crossed the length of his room and lit the candles and lamps that he kept around his sitting room.

The night sky was superb this night; the stars sparkled and brightly shone as if they were they eyes of the Valar themselves looking beyond the distant sea to the wounded lands of Arda. Glorfindel paused awhile to take in the beauty of the stars as he looked out his balcony window. Glorfindel loved the stars like all elves did. Their alluring beauty reminded Glorfindel of the way in which the candlelight had reflected within Erestor's eyes when he had seen him in his office, just moments ago. He could still see within his mind those grey eyes that had held such warmth, since Erestor had been alone and unreserved, instead of the normally enigmatic expression that he held in them at all other times.

Troubled and needing to unwind, Glorfindel walked over to his dark mahogany cabinet that he used to house his assorted wine goblets and varies bottles of wines, humming that haunting melody that Erestor had been humming just moments before. He poured himself a glass of the rich red liquid, watching amusedly as it swirled around the clear glass. He then causally reclined on his divan, sipping constantly the wine while he reflected over what had just happened.

It was pointless for him to allow an attraction to develop for Erestor. Erestor was almost unreachable to him, the last millennia in which they had lived and worked together had testified to that. Erestor had allowed only a few people to befriend him. All others he had refused to develop friendships and connections with. His daunting glares clearly conveyed to anyone to keep their distance from him when they tried to reach out to him. Though it wasn't in Glorfindel's nature to ever back down to a challenge, he really didn't see a way of breaking through to Erestor.

Glorfindel let his memories return to the various challenges that he had been confronted with throughout his long life as he tried to strengthen his sometimes-wavering confidence. There had been a challenge not so long ago in which he had pursued and confronted the Amgnor, the Witch King of the Nazgul, when he had led the Imladris forces in the Battle of Fornost. Then there was his most famous challenge against the Balrog that he had slain in the First Age during the Battle of Gondolin. That battle had cost him his life and he had traveled to the Halls of Mandos where he dwelled until after the middle of the Second Age. He had joined Elrond's Household where he worked as a counselor for the defense and security of Imladris, and as the captain of Imladris forces once he returned to Middle-Earth.

It was here in Imladris where he had first met Erestor. Erestor was already employed as the chief-advisor to Elrond. He had welcomed Glorfindel into the household, but he had not extended his welcome by offering him his friendship. He had kept their relationship on the level of colleagues, and it was only at meals or during council that Glorfindel ever had contact with Erestor. Over the years the two had disputed over many a topic, and had learned the pleasures of unrelenting teasing to one another. The teasing seemed to steam from something unknown to both of them. Neither would nor could comprehend it, nor were they willing to bring it to light from the deep caverns of their hearts and souls.

Erestor would be just as formidable as any Balrog or Nazgul if Glorfindel tried to reach out to him and act on his feelings. But the difficulties and challenges that came with reaching out to Erestor greatly enticed Glorfindel, and his heart beat with excitement at the thought of this challenge.

No. He sighed as he concluded; he was not one to back down from any challenge.

His wine goblet was now empty, and even though he still thirsted for wine, he was too comfortable to rise and refill his glass. Instead he sat the goblet on the stone floor of his sitting room. The only sound to pierce the silence that filled his room was that of the faint clink of the goblet as it came to rest on the stone ground.

Glorfindel glanced around his room, in an effort to forget and distract himself from the mounting attraction he felt towards Erestor. Glorfindel was beginning to feel one of his moods coming on. He hated the feelings his moods left him in. Always an empty ache would settle deep within him, and he would be reduced to an uncertain and doubting figure for the entire day.

He knew not what his heart desired though. Glorfindel wasn't one that needed a strong connection with anyone. In all of his long life, he had never allowed himself to fully bind his heart or fully love another, although he had once came close to that. It was true that at one point in his life, he had fell under the seduction of another, and he would have gladly gave his love away. But it had not worked out due to the cruel circumstances of both of their lives. He sighed as he pushed those memories from his mind, not wanting to relive all of those memories that had been so hard for him to forget.

Now, he was perfectly happy enough with the satisfaction that his casual relationships brought to him. But whenever one of his moods affected him, the feelings of not needing to bind his heart would change, deepening to dissatisfaction and the sight tinge of woefulness. He couldn't explain why during some times he felt one way, and at other times he could feel the exact opposite. But for as far back as his memories allowed, Glorfindel could remember having the dueling philosophies.

He finally let himself rise from the comfortable divan, and he picked up his wine goblet and poured himself another glass of wine. But it seemed that not even the potent red wine could lessen the effects of his mood. How he hated these moods of his!

Glorfindel walked out onto his balcony and glanced at the beauty of the starlight sky again. The stars, as well as the scent of the late spring flowers and dewy earth softened the effects of his mood, and stilled his mind. As he glanced across the night sky, his eyes unexpectedly made out the form of Erestor who was also stargazing that night.

Glorfindel watched as the grey-clad advisor leaned across the balcony railing and looked up into the heavens. His face, which was lit by a garden lantern below, clearly conveyed that the Erestor was deep in thought. His thoughts seemed to be intense and troubling, as far as Glorfindel could tell. A sense of unmistakable melancholy was etched across the fair face of the one he observed, and Glorfindel suddenly found himself wanting to reach out to the distant Erestor. Perhaps he could try to work through his opinions towards Erestor, and try to see him anew through different eyes.

He knew this would be a daunting task indeed, for once his mind was set on others, seldom did his views change. But, try he would and he decided to wait until after his mood had cleared before he approached the difficult counselor. Glorfindel turned from the night sky as he entered back into his bedchamber. After kicking off his green leather boots he stretched across his bed, where sleep eluded him for most of the night.

- - - -

Erestor was perplexed as he once again caught Glorfindel watching him for the second time that day. He watched as Glorfindel disappeared from his view when he had entered into his rooms. His heart had felt a void when Glorfindel had left his view, and his arms ached to reach out for him and touch him.

Erestor continued staring at the now empty balcony that had just seconds earlier held Glorfindel. He glanced back up into the star filled night. Glorfindel had looked glorious underneath the light of the stars and moon. Their combined light had highlighted his golden hair, and Erestor had been in short awestruck by the beauty that was before him. His deep blue eyes had held a note of deliberation, confusion, and of dissatisfaction, which caused Erestor to momentarily forget his own anguish.

He wondered what had held Glorfindel's thoughts, and what could have caused all of those emotions to reflect so transparent upon his face. Perhaps Glorfindel battled something deep within, just like he did. Erestor simply didn't know.

Erestor had only been able to watch Glorfindel for a just short duration of time, because Glorfindel had spotted him on his balcony. He had pretended that he hadn't noticed Glorfindel's gaze in the slightest, and had turned his eyes to the night sky instead. But even as his gaze was no longer on the one whom he secretly loved, he could feel those deep blue eyes on him. How he wanted to turn his eyes from the stars and look into those eyes!

Tears of frustration and of weariness had begun to form within his eyes, but he stubbornly fought them back, knowing that Glorfindel could see his every facial emotion. Now he stared at the empty balcony across the courtyard. The stars no longer appealed to him this night. Their beauty was lost to him.

He left his balcony feeling drained and tormented. He didn't want Glorfindel to have the same feelings that he had, for if Glorfindel returned the same interest then he would surely act on those feelings.

Erestor knew that he wouldn't be able to deny his feelings any longer towards Glorfindel. He would completely lose his heart, and he couldn't afford to do that again. He had suffered enough with love and loss, and he just wouldn't allow himself to experience any of that. He had made his decision. He would fight those feelings and not give in.

 

 - - -

Not beta read. sorry for all the mistakes. This story is complete, but it will take me a little while to post the other 18 chapters of this story. 



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