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Falling In Love is Hard on the Knees	By : sarahjean Category: Lord of the Rings Movies > General Views: 3149 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the Rings book series and movie series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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When I find all of the reasons

Maybe I'll find another way

Find another day

With all the changing seasons of my life

Maybe I'll get it right next time

An' now that you've been broken down

Got your head out of the clouds

You're back down on the ground

And you don't talk so loud

And you don't walk so proud anymore

And what for

- Guns N� Roses, Estranged

My sharp exclamation at seeing Tommy had led to Elrond moving me, Tommy, himself and Gandalf to his private quarters once more. We had to hurry to avoid the suspicious glances, so I had no time to greet him. However, once in Elrond�s quarters, I flung my arms around my brother�s neck.

�Oh, Tommy! What on earth are you doing here?�

�I could ask you the same thing,� he said simply, grinning. I studied his face. Amazingly, unlike me, he was untouched by the mature-like ageing that my face had endured. He looked his normal thirty-something self.

�I�m guessing you�re the one who fell through the music room roof,� I said, crossing my arms and smirking.

He suddenly pouted, like a child. �I hurt my lumbar.� I laughed. It was normally me saying that.

�What, precisely, is going on?� Elrond asked.

�This is my brother/sister,� we both said at the same time. We smiled sheepishly.

�Well, this does put an interesting spin to things,� Gandalf said, studying us. �A brother, who falls through the roof at Rivendell, and a sister who appears out of nowhere in the Trollshaws, also near Rivendell. How long would you say you were gone, Carrie?�

I shrugged, thinking. �I don�t really know � I was either sleeping or unconscious. I�d say a night.�

�Then it is impossible,� Gandalf said, �That the two of you passed into this world at the same time. You see, Tommy has been here for at least a week.�

My jaw dropped. �But that�s impossible! Because he was in my house the night before I woke up in the Trollshaws.�

�It would be very rare that two shifts could occur in the same place,� Elrond said, eyeing them both. �And if they did, who caused them, and why? And why would you have been unconscious�� he drifted into thought.

�This is a very curious situation,� Gandalf said. �But if I were to guess, I would say that Tommy was delivered to us straight away, whilst Carrie was trapped in whatever rift it was until it spat her out as appropriate.�

�Lovely,� I said. Gandalf�s face betrayed nothing, but my years of intuition told me that he was hiding something. But I said nothing � I had learned over the years that trying to force people the reveal secrets was folly � it would not work and only make them more hostile.

�So it got the both of us?� Tommy said, scratching his head. My eyes widened. He was right.

�There were three people in the house! There was me, Tommy, and Jack! Oh lord, where�s Jack? Oh no oh no oh no��

�Calm yourself, child,� Elrond said. �Who is Jack?�

�Our brother,� I whined. �He was the only other person in the house. He�s probably here too! Oh, where could he be?�

�Calm yourself, Carolina,� Tommy said sternly; giving my back a half rub, half thump. I pitched forward slightly.

�If he indeed came through the rift with you, then he was most likely also deposited near the Rivendell area,� Gandalf said.

�I shall send scouts out to scan the surrounding area, particularly the Trollshaws,� Elrond said.

�Thank you,� I said sadly.

There was a silence at first.

�We shall speak tomorrow morn at the Council,� Elrond said eventually. �You shall both be there.� Be there or be square, I thought, and imagining Elrond saying that brought me close to a giggling fit. Hysterical giggling. Sure, Jack was a buttmunch a lot of the time, but I still loved him and wanted him close. He was missing, wondering what the hell was going on. He probably didn�t have a pocket knife or a lighter in his pocket. Tommy and I nodded, and left Gandalf and Elrond to speak together.

�What happened to you?� Tommy asked me.

�I went to sleep last night, and woke up in the Trollshaws! You know, the forest? Of course, I didn�t know that then. But then Legolas found me��

�Legolas? The Prince of Mirkwood?�

�The one and only. Anyway, after a quick scuffle, he brought me here to Rivendell to see Elrond and Gandalf, thought maybe they could help.� I shrugged, then blushed as I said, �I thought that maybe my wishing upon a star somehow brought us here.�

Tommy burst out laughing. �You w-wished upon a s-star? And thought it landed us i-in Middle Earth?� He laughed harder.

�I�d like to see you come up with better,� I frowned.

�I can,� he said simply. �It was Saruman.�

I almost completely stopped walking. I had forgotten the White Wizard�s part in this. He was probably powerful enough to drag through several people from another world, though why, how, and when were all mysteries that were working towards a migraine.

�Why would Saruman snatch us from our world?�

Tommy shrugged. �Dunno. But my guess is that we�re to play a part in the War of the Ring.� He rubbed his hands together. �I can�t wait!� I could almost see his eagerness at swinging around a sword and killing enemy in reality, not virtual reality.

�What about Kimberly?� I asked, raising an eyebrow.

�Nah, we had a fight about money, neither of us will be missing the other for a while.�

�Reiss?�

�Now him, I will miss,� Tommy said, looking forlorn. �But there ain�t much I can do, Carrie. I�d hoped Gandalf could take me back, but apparently he�s just as stumped as me. Then you show up, and now Jack�s supposedly here too�I can�t help but feel that some ulterior figure is dealing us a deck of cards through dimensions, you know? And I think that this wasn�t coincidence. You read the books, didn�t you?�

I grasped his premature plan. �You think we should act as the knowing fools and tell all.� One look from him told me I�d guessed right. �I�ve already told Gandalf about the books, that I know the outcomes. He�s forbidden me to say anything unless he permits it. But come on! Why would Saruman bring us here to help the Fellowship? He�s on Sauron�s side, not Gandalf�s.�

�Maybe Gandalf did it.�

I blinked. �Maybe. Likely, even. But either he�s a brilliant actor or he was genuinely confused that we�re here. I have to admit, I lean towards the latter.�

�So, Sherlock, what�s your conclusion?� Tommy asked, crossing his arms. We�d been walking through the gardens, the moonlight filtering down on our faces.

�I just don�t know,� I said. �As incredibly cheesy as it sounds, I�d have to stick to the shooting star. None of this adds up, and I�m not sure I like it.�

Tommy turned to me, seeming to study my face. �You look older, sis�.�

�I feel it,� I admitted. It was with this admission that we decided to say our goodnights and part. I had been given a nice room with a comfortable bed � I had been shown my room previously in the day. But at the moment I really wasn�t tired. Tommy�s appearance, Jack�s absence and my pain, confusion and new-found importance to the battle of Middle Earth had exhausted me so much I couldn�t sleep, if that makes sense. I had felt this way many times before, I have to admit. This wasn�t a new feeling.

And it was in that moment that I conceived a longing for a certain part of my life that wasn�t pulled through the shift with me. I jogged to the stall of an Elf who sold art materials, paints, different canvases and papers and the like. I asked the price of some extra-thick pieces of plain parchment and some paints, some of the purple silk-like material and sewing utensils, and the Elf kindly said that I should have it free. Touched, I promised I would do a favour for him in return some day. I was actually quite surprised to see an Elf on the stall at night. I told him so, and he replied that he felt he was needed.

I took my items back to my room, and once there, I shaped the thick parchment into 78 card-shaped rectangles. Once that was done, I used the paints to illustrate them, doing neat designs and using my artistic talents to their full extents. As the paint dried, I sewed a drawstring pouch out of the material. When I was done, I had a full deck of my own personalised tarot cards.

As I studied my creations of beauty, I thought of the deck I had back in my world � I had bought it, not made it. But I had done everything in my power to personalise it � went to college with it in my duffel bag, carried it in my pocket, slept with it under my pillow�

None of that was needed with this deck because upon creating it, my fibre was in it. Every last inch of me was displayed in the illustrations and the intuition you received from the separate cards.

And it was staring at the cards that I remembered a reading I had done for myself. I had used a modern, possibly wrong spread for the cards, with five to make a cross, and one to put off to the side. It was normally a spread to ask a question, but I preferred to just deal and see what it said. One dealing came back to me then, as I stared at my new deck.

I had turned over the past card and received the Four of Swords reversed, suggesting illness, exile and/or confinement. Gloomy thoughts combined with depressive attitudes and nervous exhaustion enforcing rest.

I had turned over the obstacles card and received the Death card, normally meaning a transformation that seems wrong but is a blessing in disguise. A harsh fate which does not consider personal feelings, but generally a big change in life.

I turned over the card for influences working in my favour, and received the Ace of Wands, suggesting beginnings, most likely of a new business or important friendship.

I had turned over the near future card and received the Knight of Cups. A faithful lover or good friend, passionate and amiable. Brings offers and opportunities and is normally poetic and graceful.

I turned over the long-term card and received the Empress reversed, meaning over protective, tyranny, emotional blackmail, poverty, and perhaps problems in pregnancy.

I lastly turned over the general outcome card, and I received the Tower card, meaning the removal of an outworn sense of values, a shock that is a blessing in disguise, freedom from old possibly self-imposed restrictions, a sudden inevitable change but nothing to be feared because I would emerge a stronger person.

It had been an odd set, but now some of it rang in my head. The past card had always been true. But then, dealing in tarot, my past card always came out right on the money. The Death card mentioned a large, harsh change that may be a blessing in disguise. That ran parallel with mine and Tommy�s views of why we were here � to help Middle Earth. A blessing in disguise as a misled tragedy. The influences mentioned a new friend, and I so far had met the whole Fellowship � who knew which one would be my friend? Perhaps Legolas.

The near future mentioned again a good friend, or possibly a lover. The long-term future mentioned a lot of hard times, and I suspected that people would be using my empathy against me. Almost everyone does anyway. What would be new about that? The Tower card just seemed blatantly obvious � I�d come out of my hardships a new woman.

I quickly wrote all this down for further reference. I felt sure I�d stumbled onto something big. But it was considering this that I realised that maybe fate had had this mapped out. Me, Tommy, and most likely Jack as well were all meant to do something in Middle Earth, and I couldn�t figure out what.

That did it. My exhaustion, pain and unhappiness broke me down at that point. The tears came fast and hard, the lump in my throat expanding and contracting, my stomach feeling as though coils of live cables were twisted about in there. I had felt this despair a few times before � where I was in a situation I couldn�t handle. I like to be in control, that�s just the way I am. The idea that I was slipping away not only terrified me but depressed me, wrapped me in a thick black cloak and blocked the daylight. Slumping to the floor, I knew there was only one thing I knew of that could relieve my pain.

Carefully, I withdrew the pocket knife from the pouch at my hip and stared at it. I had one been such a proud person � that was in the short break between the depression at the start of my life and where I was now. Sure, I could be happy, but could anything but the true answer to your problem erase it completely? I don�t think so. No matter what happiness I had, it wasn�t the answer to my problems, and that meant I was screwed.

I was half the woman I used to be, in some terms. Maybe that�s a little exaggerated, but pretty much true.

I stared at the knife. I�d never actually done anything to myself with this knife. Only razor blades, drawing them sideways across my skin, or ramming safety pins through my palms and doing them up just for the morbid fascination of looking at them. But there was nothing else in this room that would do � I could only rely on my uncle�s old knife. I opened the blade up to the sharpest one, the one I�d used to protect myself in the Trollshaws. I stared at my reflection in the blade. The mature face that had only recently belonged to me stared out. The line between my eyebrows was more pronounced, the slightly mean twist in the corners of the mouth more prominent. I looked like a hardened old miser, and that in itself disturbed me. I rolled up my leggings on my left leg, and I viewed the scars that already littered my calf. They were different tones of pinks and whites, fading with time at different levels of depth, width, and time they were inflicted on my pale skin. I grabbed my old vest, on my bed and waiting for me, and placed it under my leg.

With a resigned sniffle, I brought the blade down and rested it against my calf. I pressed it down, and drew the knife towards me. As I pulled the knife away from me, I was aware that I felt no pain, and no blood was present. I wondered if I had done it right. Just as I was lowering the knife again, a thin line of red appeared, then the blood began to ebb from the wound in a sinister fashion, running down my leg and onto the readily placed vest. I was shocked. The wound was quite deep, and the pain was coming along now, itching and growing more intense as the blood moved. Without thinking, I made a quick slice, not as deep as the first, but enough to breed pain and make more blood. I was about to do it once more, but then the exhaustion kicked in. I tied the vest around my leg, then wiped the knife blade on it as well, cleaning it completely of evidence.

In some ways, I felt I�d tainted my knife. That my darling uncle was staring down at me from heaven with horror and disgust. But in other ways, a part of me hoped that he�d understand that I was a desperate girl who had begged for help and not received it. Therefore, I was seeking help from myself � and I always knew that the most I would amount to was destruction and carnage.

I longed for Berry then. Sure, I had told mum and dad, and it was a big thing for a little while � but not in a good way. The attention they promised me, the only good outcome, was forgotten, and I was back to square one. I�d climbed up several ladders, only to be devoured by a snake and delivered back to square one. Berry understood me, knew the matters personally. She always talked me through it, and she was like my rock. A sister.

But I was in Middle Earth, the place in the books on the shelf above Berry�s bed. She couldn�t help me now. I was as much a fictional character as Gandalf or Frodo or Legolas. Legolas�

The Prince of Mirkwood had me in knots, I can tell you. His beautiful face enticed me, lured me, and brought out parts of me long forgotten. But like before, the immortality and the fact that I�m a freak and a loser worked as minuses to any possible relationship other than a casual friendship � we say hi in a corridor. That�s it.

I must have waited at least fifteen minutes before the blood flow stopped. Then I removed the sodden vest and placed it in the washroom in the sink, where I dunked it in a bucket of lukewarm water to try and remove at least some of the stains. I then moved on to use one of the washrags to clean the mess that was my leg. For there to only be two cuts there was an awful lot of blood, and the pain was not only a release but a distraction. But I felt tainted, disgusted at myself. In this fairytale land, I had gone back to being an SH. How many people can say they�ve done that? I had the opportunity to do great things, and instead I curled into a ball and sliced away at my leg like it was a topside of beef.

Once all the blood was removed, I carefully dried my leg, and used my now slightly tainted knife to slice through my trackie bottoms and made a bandage for my leg in case I bled in the night. In my mind, I made a mental note to claim that the reason my vest was bloody was because I�d hit my menstruation cycle, and that that�s what my trackie bottoms were, uh, helping with.

I hauled my clothes off, climbing into an impossibly comfortable nightgown and I climbed into the amazing bed, after putting my new tarot cards in their pouch and under my pillow for safe-keeping, where I fell asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow.
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Falling In Love is Hard on the Knees