Adult-FanFiction.org : Lord of the Rings

A Frozen Sun	By : Esequell Category: Lord of the Rings Movies > Hobbit, The Views: 2546 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit and I'm not making any money from this.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
7. The Weight of Memory
Olerydes had come to Phe's chamber to play a game of cards and share a glass of wine with her. She had long since fallen asleep. Phe levered herself out of the chair she favoured and crept from the room. She trod the smooth walkways up to the second floor and joined a bending corridor that would take her to the roof. Small lanterns hung from the ragged rocks. They lent the caverns a dull night time glow that was enough to see by. Sindaroth was quiet and dark but for the odd night guard or patrol returning.
A climb cannot be out of my range now. My stick will help. So long since I have seen the unobstructed stars tonight, I will be happy.
She was passing the family rooms when a little noise snatched her attention. She turned and there was Leesha, standing in the shadows just behind an open door. Gwenthel dangled from her hand. She was weeping. Phe gazed at her.
You looks so lost! Can I be angry with you? Yours were the words that ruined everything! Yet, if you had not spoken, he may not have been lead to kiss me.
Then another thought rose to offer clarity; I need him. I want him. I wish he would ask me to marry him!
Phe bent beside Leesha and decided that all was forgiven. She could not imagine that Leesha had meant any harm.
'What is wrong? Do not cry.'
The girl walked right into her arms and gave her a sweet hug. A strange, unfamiliar feeling rose in Phe. She wondered if this was what it felt like to be a Mother.
'I want Ada,' Leesha sobbed.
Phe hugged her. She was gratified when the little girl stopped crying so hard. She smelled clean, as though she had been given a bath before bed. A night guard passed them by chance.
'You!' Phe called. He came to the edge of the walkway and gestured.
'I, my lady?'
'Fetch King Thranduil and bring him here.'
He bowed and went. Phe lowered herself to her knees, thinking that perhaps it would be more comfortable than crouching, which always put a crick in her spine. Sometimes she still had moments in which her muscles seized and those times were very painful. She wanted to avoid one now. Leesha was very happy to receive Phe's attentions. She began to play with Phe's hair and then came for another cuddle.
Phe was relieved when she heard footsteps coming towards them because she could feel her legs losing blood flow. Thranduil looked tired. His hair was wild and tangled, moreso on one side than the other. He looked as if he had dragged himself from sleep.
'Hir vuin, I found her here, she was asking for you.'
He wore nothing but plain sleeping leggings and a thin tunic. Instantly Phe became wet and warm between her legs. She could still feel his kiss and his warm, gentle hands. She remembered the lights and how they had joined within them accidentally.
Like it was meant to be!
Phe went hot under her thick cloak and dropped her gaze to hide her blush. As soon as she had cooled down she passed her eyes once, twice, three times over his body to memorise the shape of his muscles. He bent to scoop Leesha up and sat her on his hip. She buried her nose in his chest.
'What is wrong, my sweetling? The dream again?'
Silently, Leesha nodded. Thranduil kissed her cheek softly.
'It is gone now,' he assured her. 'They are only pictures, they cannot do you any harm.'
Leesha clung to his coat. Thranduil set her down on her feet. She clutched his leg. He bent to offer both his hands to Phe.
'Hiril vuin,' he said. 'Can you stand?'
'I think so,' she took his hand and sought to bring a leg forward to rise. She found her legs had gone dead of blood. Her body was stiff and heavy. Now that she was on the floor she could not find the strength in her legs. A sharp pain shot up her back and forced a gasp.
'My legs have gone dead!' she said, alarmed, 'I do not think I can.'
'Let me lift you.'
Thranduil bent and put his arms around her. Phe bit back a noise of pleasure. Gently he set her back on her feet. Even then her legs refused to cooperate. She could not keep her balance and she clung to Thranduil, uncomfortable and embarrassed.
'I have never been so helpless,' she bemoaned her injury. 'Let me sit, quickly!'
Thranduil lifted her off the floor like a bride on her wedding day. Phe put her arms about his neck. Her fingers found the bare skin of his nape by accident. He made a soft noise and met her gaze but with Leesha so close he did not speak of his desire. Phe smiled cheekily and did it again.
'My lady-' he murmured, appreciatively.
'My lord,' she smiled innocently.
'You should not be walking so far,' he said, to distract them both.
Phe chewed her lip. 'But I am not walking, my lord.'
Thranduil's lips tilted. Phe's heart fluttered with excitement. He carried her into a small, comfortable room and placed her down gently in a rocking chair. Then he turned to scoop up Leesha who had been following, quite upset, behind them. He kissed her cheek. She was less than impressed with him for carrying Phe and leaving her to walk.
'Do not be angry,' he gave her another kiss. 'Lady Phe cannot walk! We could not leave her on the landing.'
Leesha smacked his cheek to show her disapproval. The King did the same back, only much more gently and with only two of his fingers.
'Words, Leesha, not smacks. We have discussed this!' he said, unhappily.
'I hate you!' she said quietly.
Phe felt a jab go through her heart when Thranduil paused, just for a fraction of a second. She sensed that Leesha's comment had hurt him but he gave no further reaction to it. With the patience of a saint he said stubbornly;
'Well, I love you.'
Leesha sulked. Thranduil crept a spider-hand up her thigh and tickled her.
'I still love you,' he went on, indulgently. She pushed him away and sulked some more, until he had done it again and again. Then she realised his attention was completely hers. She broke into a smile and the spider-hand turned into a game of catch and hide, until at last he put her down in her bed and covered her with her blanket.
He bent to kiss her head. He sat, his hand in her hair and waited for her to sleep. Phe had almost dozed off herself when at last the child's breathing evened out. Thranduil rose silently. Carefully, quietly, he helped her out of the chair and onto her feet. He slid his hand into hers to pull her out of the room.
Outside, Phe squeezed it gently.
'My lord, she did not mean it.'
'No, she means it,' he said as he turned to enjoy her face. 'I am both the one she needs most and the one she hates most. She thinks I am the reason she cannot reach her parents. I think she will get difficult now. I was hoping it would be longer.'
'All children are difficult at times,' Phe said quietly. 'When I was a child I said such awful things to my parents.'
'As did I. I regret them now,' he offered her a gentle smile. 'But sadly there is nothing I can do for that.'
Phe laid her hand on his arm.
'Leesha will come to appreciate you in hindsight,' she smiled.
Thranduil took both her arms in his hands. Phe felt his warmth and began to crave another kiss.
'Where were you going? To bed?' he asked.
'No. I wanted to see the stars.'
'Let me come with you, then. I too crave the starlight, especially on these clear nights. Can you walk further?'
'So long as I do not try to kneel again I think I can manage it.'
They walked very slowly to the top of the cave column and on the way took a break to allow Phe to rest her legs. They took a small exit flanked with twisting roots which emptied onto a cavernous night, strewn with diamonds. Phe gasped and tilted her head back to look. She uttered a soft curse at their unparalleled beauty. Thranduil gazed at the soft expanse of black. The night wind stirred his hair. Gently he reached to take Phe's waist in his hands.
'Pephennas,' he said softly.
'Thranduil,' she teased him with his name.
Gently he brought his chest to her back and wrapped an arm about her. Phe put her head upon his shoulder and smiled at the starry night.
'You wear my gift,' he murmured. 'It suits you.'
'I have not taken it off,' she told him.
Thranduil leaned closer to enjoy the smell of her hair. Despite his love for starlight he closed his eyes and touched her neck with sweet, eager fingertips. Phe's lids fluttered closed in pleasure.
'Thranduil-' she breathed.
'Mmm-' he murmured, happily.
Phe turned around abruptly and grabbed him, her body suddenly taught and her core hot and needy. She pulled him down by his tunic so that she could reach his lips. Thranduil needed no encouragement. He kissed her hungrily and pressed his straining erection into her belly. With one hand on her sweet, round bottom and the other in her hair he almost crushed her lips in his haste to get inside her mouth. When she let him in he moaned and sought her tongue for a hot, wet dance. Once they had found a perfect rhythm and a sense of balance between their eager bodies, they settled and the kiss became a slow, thorough exploration that neither wanted to end.
When at last Phe did break away it was to breathe. Thranduil made a desperate noise and dragged her closer to his groin. Once he had a good grip on her he ground softly against her hips until she moaned and pleaded against his chin for more. Thranduil took his lips away only to apply them to her throat where he sucked and nibbled. She arched in pleasure but hissed in pain too. He drew away before he could unwittingly hurt her.
'My back-' she explained, as she winced and sagged against his shoulder. 'It is still so painful.'
'I will not worsen it,' he promised, with a soft and loving touch to her throat. 'I will stop.'
Phe tilted her head back to gaze into his face. Thranduil was sure he could see more in her eyes than she had so far allowed herself to say. It gave him courage and encouragement, as he felt the same.
'I always thought you were beautiful,' she whispered warmly. 'But now you seem utterly wondrous to me.'
Thranduil flushed. His cheeks went pink and so did his ears. That was something Phe had not expected. She held back a laugh and instead brushed her fingertips over his lips.
'You are only the second person to tell me that my lady. My life has been long.'
Phe put her head gently upon his chest and wrapped her arms around him.
'Am I only fun, my lord? Tell me truly. Are our kisses lust...or do we care?'
Thranduil smiled against the tip of her ear.
'Can it not be both?' he asked.
Phe thought and then she nodded.
'Of course it can.'
Thranduil plucked her hand up and felt her skin. She was warm and petal soft. She was everything he had been hoping for in all the time since he had admitted his secret desire to be wanted again.
Perhaps she will let me, he thought. If she does how will I take her without hurting her back? I will have to wait. I cannot bear to hurt her.
'Phe...I wish to ask you a question but I am not sure you will want to talk about it.'
'What sort of question?' she tilted her head to gaze into his crystalline eyes. 'You can ask me whatever you wish, my lord. I do not think I will mind, since it is you.'
'I wonder what you remember of the night you fell? Legolas and I have searched for a witness and none can be found. What do you recall?'
Phe thought for a moment.
'I am not sure. It is a blur. Just fragments. Sometimes I dream of it but I cannot be sure what is real and what I have imagined. Some things from before, I know I have forgotten. I do not remember my journey here.'
Thranduil stroked her face gently. He looked as though the idea of losing ones memory truly upset him.
'Are you afraid, my lady?'
'Sometimes,' she whispered. 'I find I cannot remember the shape of my chambers at home. I do not recall my horses name, though I know she has one.'
'It is Maenith,' he gazed into her eyes, concerned.
'And yet I can recall almost everything from my time here. It is like the blow to my head took something from me. As if I have lost part of my life. One night I dreamed I had thrown hot water on my Father!'
Thranduil gazed at the stars in her eyes and whispered gently; 'I do not wish to upset you with details.'
'No, tell me,' Phe urged him. 'I would like to piece it together as much as you would like to hear of it!'
'He was treated for a scald to his face by my own healer, Duven.'
Phe looked very confused.
'You mean that I burned him? Why would I-' she stopped a moment, as if she was gazing into a memory. Then she went on quietly. 'I can see it suddenly. He struck me across the face like this,' she demonstrated with an open hand. 'And then again. I must have panicked.'
Thranduil searched her face but he sensed that Phe had gone into another world.
'Did you jump, my lady?' his voice dropped.
'No,' she shook her head but her eyes were absent and her face full of sudden, inexplicable misery. 'Ada was so angry with me. He said I must have done something to anger you! I ran and he-'
Phe clapped a hand over her mouth. Thranduil sense that she had just crumpled inside by how she whimpered. Perhaps this would be even more painful for her than her recovery.
'No,' Phe felt tears rising up her gullet. 'No, he would not. No,' she shook her head. She looked down at her hands. They were shaking. 'No, no-'
Then a gate opened deep in her mind and the truth surged up like an open maw. Thranduil tried to steady her but she tore away from him only to stagger into a tree trunk blindly. For a long minute she stood holding it like a lover. Her breath came so fast the King wondered if she might faint. Tears burst from her eyes with no warning and cascaded one after the other over her knuckles. Phe sank to the ground. The strength drained out of her as memory filled the gap where faith used to be. Thranduil grabbed her from behind. When she refused to stand he tugged her against his body and wrapped his arms around her.
Phe could hear something. Sobbing. Like a child. She had never heard her own voice make those noises.
'I will keep you safe,' he promised against her ear. 'I will keep him from you.'
Phe leaned her head against his neck. She was choking on pain.
'My lady,' he tried to extract a response from her but Phe did not see him. He slid his arms under her legs and back.
'Keep still,' he said to soothe his own fear of dropping her.
He disappeared into the caverns. By the time he reached Olerydes' chambers he was exhausted. A knock bought his daughter from her bed. When she saw the trembling wreck that was her friend she gaped in horror.
'What happened!' she cried, as Phe hid her face from both of them, only to be enfolded in Thranduil's arms and chest again.
'Help her,' he whispered. 'Olerydes. She has broken and I do not know how to fix her.'
000
Olerydes had done all she could in just a few minutes.
'Ada,' she touched her Father's folded arms. 'There is no cure for a broken heart.'
Thranduil glanced at his lady love, who had curled up defensively on her bed. She was rocking gently with her arms about her knees.
She is ruined! She has broken as I broke when - his cheek tingled. She has lost everything she loves! A part of her identity has been torn away as mine was burned away. And now she cannot find herself.
'Ada, I can do no more. If she is to survive her grief she must find the courage and strength in her own heart. Or in yours.'
Thranduil drew her daughter into a warm hug and sent her to bed with his muffled thanks. When she had shut the door he approached the bed.
'Pephennas?' he tried.
She made no answer. Thranduil sat heavily on the edge and ran a hand through his hair.
'This is my doing,' he spoke softly. 'I should have left you be. It is in my nature to meddle. I cannot help myself! Where I see pain I must uncover it. Where I see a mask I must peek beneath. I am obsessed with what is hidden. It is supposed to be a gift. It helps me rule. It helps me find what elves hide, to discern what stupidity the dwarves hold secret! But with you it seems to cause untold pain.'
He leaned closer and took her hand gently in his. Phe offered no resistance but no response either.
'Forgive me, Pephennas. I am the architect of all your suffering. I refused to leave your pain alone.'
Thranduil moved onto the bed and enfolded her in his arms. Phe gripped is tunic so hard that he was sure she would tear the fabric. He cupped her face and kissed her lips softly.
'Do not leave me for the horrors of the past,' he begged her. She gave no response to his kiss or his touch. 'Please,' he went on softly.
Thranduil tugged the bedcovers up. He arranged them so that she nestled between his arm and his ribs. Her tears wet his collarbone. She said nothing. Thranduil stroked her hair. Some time later he was almost asleep when she began to weep again. He looked down to find her eyes closed tightly and her body shaking.
'Come back to me,' he whispered, into her hair.
Respond to me at least. Let me see that you hear me!
Phe slept when she had finished crying and still she said nothing at all. For Thranduil it was a tense and restless night.
000
Thranduil woke with a crick in his neck from the headboard. He found Phe asleep on his chest. For a long time he gazed at her, reluctant to wake her when awakening would bring her such pain. His bladder reminded him of a pressing need, so gently he disentangled himself and left her curled up. Phe was trying to pretend she was sleeping but it was no good. Waking like this was like coming back to herself with a stomach full of acid. She hurt so much that she wanted sleep again. Thranduil returned to rub her shoulder blades but he found no response. Neither did Olerydes get much. They sent Duven in soon after that to try a more medical approach to her broken heart. Phe did not fight his hands or the tactile bridge he built between their minds. She was surprised when some of the pain flowed away and she felt some light relief but not even the healers magic could take away the memory or the pain that was causing.
Phe was sore from crying. She sat against the headboard on one of her pillows. When Thranduil came into the room to look at her she raised her gaze and met his.
'I have not lost my sanity!' she protested suddenly. She swung her legs off the bed and made to rise but Thranduil sprang forward and caught her. He pulled her into his arms. He sighed his relief into her hair and breathed something incomprehensible and beautiful against her face.
'I know! I did not think that for a minute,' he lied smoothly.
000
Thranduil leaned on his elbow. He had taken his crown off some time before. His hair tickled the back of his hand. He moved a piece on the board between he and Phe, and said;
'It is your move, hiril vuin.'
Her gaze was absently fixed upon the fire. Thranduil noticed afresh how very pale and wan she had become in the last few days. The incident in the bedroom had been tactfully forgotten. Thranduil had skirted around all mention of her small breakdown. So far he had found ignoring her weakness was working quite well. He had not spent a single night alone since. Phe was a quiet sleeper and a warm body but he found her entirely uninspiring in the intimate sense when she was so distressed. He had not mentioned the way she clung to him in her sleep either, like a child on the verge of breakdown.
Phe had attended the evenings talks and games with Thranduil and his children but he sensed she was only going through the motions of her life. Deep in his heart, he was worried.
'My lady,' he said softly. Phe barely stirred. 'Pephennas!'
He touched the back of her hand and she came back with a start and stared at him. She offered him a smile but there was little joy in it. Phe pushed a piece forward and then looked at the board as if she had made a mistake.
'Oh. I thought that would win it but I moved the wrong one,' she sat back. 'So much for my strategy. I think the wine has gotten to me.'
It is not the wine, it is the grief.
He glanced at the chaise where Legolas had fallen asleep, drunk, with his boots on. Olerydes had retired early and Lilia rarely stuck around for long, preferring her solitude. He wondered if she found solace in silence, like her Father. It is hard to tell when she shares so little, he thought in frustration.
From time to time Phe would lose focus and gaze out of the window longingly, perhaps fancying she looked towards home.
'I think you may still beat me yet,' he said. He poured her another glass of wine. 'Drink hiril vuin.'
Thranduil sighed through his nose. He gathered up his hair and rearranged it to fall over one shoulder. He folded his hands on the table and looked at her.
'It was not your fault.'
'Please, my lord-' she whispered, as if the very mention of it was enough to cause her to break all over again.
'He was not well in his mind.'
Phe did not want to talk about it. Whenever her mind went back to the push from the platform, her heart broke all over again. How could she ever face her Father now? And without her family, what was she except a widow from a distant land? With no rank and little honour, as Caduven would say.
'Excuse me,' she breathed, before her tears could drag her down into the pit of desperation which was lurking, barely controlled, below her calm facade. Phe fled to where there was cold fresh air. The balcony jutted over the palace gardens and Thranduil's open pool. She had thought she might enjoy the view but looking down only served to remind her of her fall. Suddenly, tears were coursing down her cheeks and she was sobbing, helpless to control herself. It felt as if the darkness had risen from her mind, its ugly, hot mouth yawning wide to swallow her whole, stripping away her security and replacing the just and true version of the world with a much darker reality.
Phe leaned on the twisting trunk of a smooth tree which wound up past her head and arched over the window. It was cool and flaky. She shut her eyes and tried to disappear into the wood and stone. She was no fool. She knew that no amount of trying would erase her memory. Even now she could feel the blind panic of that moment. The hard shove and then the weightless, awful inertia. She recalled a moment of childish hope in which she had thought; perhaps I just miscalculated. The floor will catch me in a moment.
Then the rush of wind through her hair and gown. She would have done anything to stop the fall and then afterwards, anything to stop the pain.
Phe was horrified when Thranduil joined her on the balcony, his robe a rustle of expensive silk and his shadow tall and broad. She hid her face in the winding roots.
'Show me your tears,' he caught both her hands and drew her into his embrace. 'Show me,' he insisted.
Phe acquiesced but she could not bear to look him in the eyes. What at last she managed to meet his gaze she saw that his mask had worn thin, his normal presence diminished. Thranduil's clothes rustled gently.
'You still live,' he whispered. 'Do not waste this chance!'
'I will not forgive him,' she spat, so vehemently that she was surprised by her own anger. 'And I will not go home! I will live in a cottage. I will build it myself if I must.'
'You will always be welcome in my halls,' Thranduil said. 'To your Father, I will not extend the same courtesy. You may stay here, under my protection.'
Phe did not know what to say or do. Phe was not so foolish as to think that Lord Caduven would simply release her into the world, unmarried and unprotected. Thranduil held onto her tightly and the hair he had draped over his shoulder was as soft as a silk pillow under her cheek.
Thranduil rubbed the base of her neck reassuringly. Phe was falling apart inside. She avoided his eyes for fear that he would see right through her pain and force it up to the surface. How he had such insight she would never guess but it frightened her, the way he wielded it with the uncanny accuracy of a doctors blade.
How could she hope to explain how this felt? How utterly betrayed, how terrified she was? To stay would be to incur the wrath of her Father but if she went home, would he try again to kill her in his anger? Phe had never had much time for the weeping, fainting weaklings that some ladies seemed to be. Now she began to feel like one of them, as for the second time in a week her legs buckled and all the strength flowed out of her backbone and into the ground.
Thranduil made a noise of surprise but he held her up until he could get her to a seat. Once she was on the chaise by the window, he sat beside her and took her hand. Phe found some strength in his eyes but it was not enough to solve her problem, nor to rearrange her world into the vision of innocence that had so recently been ruined. Thranduil rubbed her skin with his thumb, making little circles that were comforting after a while simply because they were predictable in their speed and style. Phe felt the seconds tick by and her mind regain some of its control.
His body was warm and his hands were the only solid thing between Phe and her nightmares. 'It was a crime, what was done. One I would try him for, if I but had a witness.'
Then her throat closed around her words and she choked; 'He meant to kill me!'
Phe was not sure if she had fallen asleep or fainted. When she opened her eyes it was still dark and she felt quite sick. Thranduil had put her head in his lap and he was humming a soft tune as he stroked her hair. Phe blinked blearily at him, as lost as a baby bird on the grass.
'My lady, this subject saps your strength and torments you. Do not speak of it again, I will not pry further,' he said.
Thranduil reached for a bottle and she heard something being poured into a glass. He handed her a drink and helped her to sit.
Phe drank a long gulp of it and sighed.
'Goheno nin, my lord,' she searched his eyes for forgiveness.
Thranduil's mask melted. He frowned.
'Enough of these apologies. I tire of hearing them and of hearing you so be sorry to be who you are. Do not apologise to me anymore, let me live without hearing them!'
His tone was a short, sharp surprise and Phe found some strength in his predictability. She sipped whatever fiery, burning drink he had given her. It went swiftly to her head and began to dance across her brain. It bought a little relief.
Thranduil envisioned a cottage in the woods and a woman growing vegetables in her little garden. He imagined a good husband and three or four bouncing children. Before she could sink into a second shock, he shook her shoulder playfully.
'Stay with me, will you? It is like dealing with the shell-shocked!'
She is shell-shocked. She may faint again yet. But maybe playfulness or even sternness will distract her.
Phe caught his smile and realised he was playing with her.
'Alphiel, would be your name, if you consented to stay in the Greenwood. We will call you Phe, for short and you would leave behind your old name and become like a maid again. As your King it falls to me to protect your life. If you had come to me to plead sanctuary I would have given it. You will be protected by my kin and by your new family. Your Father may shout and scream at me but he has little say in this.'
Phe stared at him in shock. 'You mean to rename me? You mean it?'
'Yes. Of course,' Thranduil nodded. 'A King is entitled to judge his subjects, just as he can forgive and erase what they have been.'
Phe swigged the drink and let it burn all the way down. She gazed into the glass, as if humour might save her a second fainting fit.
'I think I need to obtain a bottle of this.'
'It will cost you,' he smiled softly.
'I do not know what to say to you. You have freed me. You must know that my Father will not allow this-'
'I am the law, my lady, but in this case I do not need to rewrite it. It is unlikely a challenge would hold. So you are free! I am more than pleased to have been the architect of it.'
'I would not have expected so much.'
Thranduil leaned forward, his glass empty and said, 'Accept my gift, Alphiel. Swan-maid. And we will speak no more of the darkness of your past unless you wish it.'
Phe caught his hand.
'Thank you,' she whispered with her eyes full of tears. Then she leaned forward and kissed his cheek softly. Thranduil ran a hand gently up her arm to enjoy her soft, warm skin.
'Thank you,' she whispered again.
'Do not break your familial ties completely, my lady. At least, not with those who still wish you to know them.'
000
From the roof Phe could see a mile of sloping canopy, bare of leaves but not of webs. The distant sun was making its last, slow motion plunge into the Earth, taking with it the sound of birdsong. The stars began their emergence with the brightest first. Soon they were joined by shier constellations. Phe had a bird's-eye view of the patios and gardens and a step away from the edge, the river cut fast and deep through a great chasm, swollen with Winter rainfall. A darkness had taken hold in her heart and would not let go.
She gazed into the darkening sky. What a beautiful night it was going to be. Much like the night she had arrived. Phe had not come here to sit and eye her own death. More to wonder why she had been thinking about it so much. Hopelessness weighed heavy on her. She felt that soon her Father would call her home and then a second heartbreak would certainly finish her off, even if a jump from here did not.
Far below, Leesha stopped playing and looked up. Gwenthel hung by one tatty arm. She tugged at Olerydes' gown and pointed.
'Pephennas!' Olerydes yelled. She did not need to be told what Phe was doing. She grabbed Leesha by both arms. 'Leesha, fetch Ada. Now, go! Go! Tell him Pephennas is going to jump!'
Alarmed, Leesha did as she was told. Olerydes throat filled with tears. They bubbled up and over as her brother's horse skidded to a halt behind her. He had heard her yell. He slid from his horse. Olerydes had feared something like this. In the last few weeks Phe had been quiet and distant despite all their efforts.
'Phe,' Legolas whispered, for his keen eyes had spotted her proximity to the river gorge. Olerydes turned to him with her eyes full of tears.
'Make her stop!' she sobbed.
Legolas sat off at a run, into the caverns. Olerydes assumed he was dashing up the stairs.
Why now? Why now when all I can do is stand here!?
Before she could breathe again it was Thranduil, not Legolas who appeared in one of the upper windows. His hair picked up in the wind.
'No, my Phe,' Olerydes breathed into her clasped hands. 'Please.'
Thranduil climbed out of the window. A moment later he was joined by Legolas who crept toward Phe with both hands out in a gesture of peace. Phe curled up in pain and edged away from them both. Olerydes' mind ran wild with a thousand scenarios, each as heartbreaking as the last.
Phe glanced down. A crowd had already gathered on the patio. The river churned over itself, an endless bubbling cauldron and a certain demise to any but the strongest and luckiest of swimmers. One step and it is over. For a moment she leaned in.
I have lost my hope. Why not do it?
In the days after the recovery of her memory, the pain of her Father's betrayal had eroded her self control and taken her will to live. Before she could step toward the river however, fresh tears burst up her throat and blinded her.
Olerydes cry was lost to the wind. Leesha was sobbing with Gwenthel up under her chin. Olerydes gestured to her and the girl came wandering, lost a little soul to hug her legs.
Thranduil's blood was running colder than the north wind.
'Stop her,' he hissed at Legolas.
Legolas nodded to him, as if to say, if I had that power, she would be safe already. He could see how desperate his Father was, so he tried to be comforting. Suddenly he wished he had longer arms. Thranduil's unsteady breathing hinted at some connection Legolas was not privy to.
If it is love then it is even more important that she not jump! He needs a wife, not another corpse to bury. Another funeral will probably kill him.
Thranduil's fingers tightened on Legolas' arm, hinting at desperation.
'Thranduil-' Phe whispered. Legolas saw her love playing in her eyes and knew the truth.
He was struck suddenly by how beautiful Phe was. He thought it no wonder that Thranduil had chosen her. She was lovely, but more importantly, she was young, foolish and innocent and far too dependent on her emotions for security. She was everything Thranduil had long grown out of. Legolas loved her for these qualities too. Phe did not see her own innocence, which made her sweet and funny. She was the first woman Thranduil had welcomed into his private life since Haliel's death and therefore she was more precious to Legolas than all the gold in Erebor. A glance at his Father found the ghosts of tears shining in his eyes. Legolas stood shocked and horrified. If Thranduil was ready to cry then all his strength had failed him. If he broke, Legolas did not know where he would find his strength.
'Give me your hands,' Legolas turned to face her. 'Please Phe. Your hands.'
Phe took an involuntary step backwards.
It is power, the chance to end your own life is power! I have been given mine and I am a fool to waste it! They will chain me to my sickbed, or lock me in a tower to preserve my life, but what is worth preserving?
A slate gave way under her foot and tumbled for the ground. For a minute everyone stood so still they could have been statues in cloth.
'Thranduil-' she choked, in desperation.
'Come to me,' Thranduil held out his hand.
A small movement in her legs and Thranduil commanded instantly; 'Stop.'
If he had nothing left he had his authority. Phe was so used to taking commands from her Father that she obeyed him because of the tone of his voice.
'Your hand,' he ordered her. His composure snapped. 'NOW!' he insisted, in a tone that would have sent his aides scurrying and his children into hiding.
'Please, Phe,' Legolas began to creep closer. 'Do not make us lose you. We need you here. We love you, Phe.'
Phe was shaking. The drop suddenly seemed taller, the river more deadly. Reality slammed home and she began to quake.
I am going to die.
She felt faint. She was blinded by her tears. For a moment she thought she might actually try one last, desperate lunge for the water but then a strong hand grabbed her wrist and hauled her away from the edge. As she went she stumbled, sending a flurry of rubble down to the small crowd below. Somebody screamed.
Thranduil grabbed the back of Phe's neck in a gesture that was entirely possessive. He drove her toward the window and pushed her inside. Once they were in the warmer dark he pressed her hard against the wall. His solid body filled her vision and forced her compliance. His eyes were so angry that Phe thought she might never see the light of day again. He seized her chin with rough fingers made unsteady by fear. He seemed about to speak, his teeth white and his eyes wild and furious.
He looked far angrier than Lord Caduven could ever manage. It was so frightening that Phe started to tremble. She felt like a tree waiting for the lightning. Then Thranduil put his face against hers. His skin was cold and wet. She was not sure if they were her tears or his. She found herself crying anyway. Then the King hit the wall so hard that the finish cracked. Phe gave a choked yelp. He tore away from her and was gone in a rush of expensive robes. Phe stood in silent shock until Legolas came to help her. She stared after Thranduil, her heart in her throat, wondering if she had ruined everything before it could even begin.
Why does it hurt so much? Will it ever end? I have never felt so tired.

Translations
Forgive me/Sorry - Goheno nin
My Lady - Hiril Vuin
My lord - Hir vuin
- 7
- 8
- 9
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A Frozen Sun